Title: The Gift of Choice

From: Suzan Nouwens

E-mail-address: Starbuck_6@hotmail.com 

Date: August 5, 2004

Rating: G

Category:  Story Vignette 

Spoilers: All Things

Keywords: Mulder Scully romance

Summery: Scully's musings

Disclaimers: The fictional characters, Dana Scully and 
Fox Mulder don't belong to me. They Belong to Chris 
Carter and 1013 Productions. I have no idea how you 
could make any money out of this, but that doesn't 
matter, because that's not my intention. I just want 
to lend them for my story. Please don't sue me.


The Gift of Choice

I'm so tired. 3 hours of doing authopsy after a hard 
day of work is just too much for me. I can't wait to be 
home. The thought of taking a hot bath and soaking in 
it for hours is the only thing that keeps me going on. 

I can't remember ever being this tired. I used to have 
no problem with making such long days. A good night 
sleep was all I needed then. Now it seems to take me 
weeks to recover. Am I getting old? God that thought 
makes me depressed. Maybe the last few cases we had 
the past few weeks are also contributing to my growing 
tiredness. They are wearing me down. Psychically and 
emotionally. There are just so many things I'm going 
through. Especially after everything that happened 
with Daniel.

He really got me thinking. For a moment I thought I 
wanted the path in life I didn't choose. There are so 
many things I want to have, so many thing I want to do. 
I thought I missed out on that chance and that Daniel was 
the only key to that way of life.

I'm glad I saw that mistake on time, that there is another 
possibility for me to choose, another direction, that will 
probably make me even more happy cause although it might 
not give me everything I want, it'll give me the most 
important thing in life; true, honest and genuine love.

I've spent so many time on thinking about Mulder, about us. 
Many times I imagined how we would end up together, but 
especially when. Sometimes it seems it will never happen. 
Not because we don't want to, but because we will always 
prospone it. 

My encounter with Daniel made it very clear to me how 
powerfull the gift of choice is. It's scares me. 
Especially now when I'm getting older and there are less 
and less possibilities to make choices. If I want 
something in my life I have to make it happen now.

I'm very aware of this and I'm also very aware that I 
want to choose a life with Mulder. It's about time we face 
the truth. I used to wonder why we just didn't act up on 
our feelings. I used to tell myself we weren't ready yet, 
actually, there were so many reasons. Now I realize that it 
was just a choice. If we want this, we just have to make it 
happen.

I'm tired of waiting. It has no use to pretend any longer 
that it eventually will turn out how it is supposed to be in 
the end by itself. We have to choose for it ourselves. I want 
this, and I want it now.

Though I'm only two blocks away from home and a warm relaxing 
bath I decide to turn around. I decide to take the road to 
Mulder.