From: Kel Date: Thu, 23 Dec 1999 14:16:31 -0500 Subject: NEW: Give and Take (Humor 1/1) TITLE: Give and Take AUTHOR: Kel CLASSIFICATION: SH CONTENT WARNING: G, unless you're offended by nose hair. SPOILER: Millennium (sort of); How the Ghosts Stole Christmas SUMMARY: A Millennium Prequel. Mulder and Scully didn't see each other between Christmas Day and December 30. Now you'll know why. Told from Scully's POV. DISTRIBUTION: Help yourself, just leave my name on and let me know, so I can grin and gloat. FEEDBACK: Well, I already told myself it was great. Now I need to hear it from you. Negative comments also welcome. ckelll@hotmail.com DISCLAIMER: The men in the white coats keep telling me they're not mine. But the voices say they are! THANKS: To Scetti, for the quick read and the title. Give and Take Mulder and I agreed to exchange Christmas gifts this year. We traded gifts last year too, but that was unplanned. On impulse I had purchased some monogrammed handkerchiefs that I was sure he would like. As it turns out, he'd bought my gift on impulse as well. Too bad he was at the Hickory Farms store when the impulse struck, but it's the thought that counts. I actually came to cherish the NASA key chain he'd given me for my birthday, and he said he liked that paperweight, although I don't think he ever used it. Who am I kidding? Neither of us has much sense or skill when it comes to gift giving. But things are different this year. Something is happening between us, and while we are both content to let it develop slowly, in its own way, we've come to the point where it's only natural that we'd want to present each other with something special. I invited him over for Christmas Eve. Who knows, I thought, perhaps Christmas Eve will turn into Christmas Day as well? I made a simple dinner. Okay, I made paella. And flan. And afterwards, when we took our sherry into the living room, Mulder flashed me his big grin, that smile that transforms his entire face. "I didn't get you a present this year," he said. The hell he didn't, I thought. That giant shopping bag isn't full of sunflower seeds. But I played along. "Oh," I said, loading my voice with disappointment. "That's all right." "I got you two presents," he announced proudly. "Two!" I squealed. "Show me!" And then he dragged that shopping bag from behind the couch. Whatever he'd bought me, it was big. I really couldn't imagine what it might be. "You're going to love this, Scully," he said. "It's something you really need." "Need?" I asked. That didn't sound very thrilling. "This will help you, Scully," he said. "Open it!" That big devil smile again. It was a very large package, and fairly flat. What would fit in a box like that? I opened it. "Oh," I said. "Thank you." A stepstool. Three steps on this one. Very practical, really. "You can keep use it in the kitchen!" he explained. "To reach things. And see, it folds flat for storage." Well, I told myself, at least I know he was thinking about me. Even if what he was thinking about was how short I am. "Thank you, Mulder, really, thank you very, very much," I said. "You don't like it," he said peevishly. "I do," I said, trying to sound more enthusiastic. "Hey, don't you want to see what I got you?" "Yeah!" he said, smiling again. I had two presents for him as well, and I gave him the bigger one first. He took the package in his hands, turning it over, listening, but there was nothing there to rattle. "It's heavy," he commented. "Yep," I said. My second gift was just a useful little gadget, but this first one was an inspiration. A real brass cuspidor. It was perfect for Mulder-a place to spit his sunflower seeds. Mulder tore off the paper and opened the package. He gave me the weirdest look. "Scully," he said, "this is a spittoon." "Uh-huh," I nodded. "Now you won't make a disgusting mess with your sunflower seeds!" I waited for it to click, for his face to light up with understanding, but it just didn't happen. "Want to see what else I got you?" he asked. "Sure," I said. I wasn't going to get hung up on the fact that a grown man of at least normal intelligence didn't have the decency to say Thank you. He took another box out of the shopping bag. "I know you'll like this," Mulder said as he gave it to me. The wrapping was pretty, anyway. I undid the ribbon and opened the paper. Well, well, well. A travel pillow. One of those U-shaped things to support your neck. "Mulder," I said, "how nice." "Now you won't drool on me," Mulder said happily. "Thanks," I told him. "That's wonderful." He nodded in agreement. "I have a second present for you too," I said, and he looked even more delighted. "You had me, Scully," he said. "I should have known that spittoon was just a gag." I stifled a sigh as I handed him the little package. "Just kidding," he said guiltily. "Really, I loved it." He had the grace to look embarrassed as he opened his second gift. "Oh," he said. "A, uh, personal groomer." Mulder's a gorgeous hunk, but he does have a somewhat prominent nose. "It's very handy," I told him. "The directions are in the box." "I wasn't aware that I had a nose-hair problem," Mulder said. "Oh, Mulder," I said. I could see I had hurt his feelings. "You don't, really. It's your height, that's all. I mean, if you weren't so tall, one wouldn't be forever looking up your nose." "I hadn't thought of it like that," Mulder said. "I suppose, if one is a short person, one is always looking up the noses of people who are more normally proportioned." Well. He certainly could have found a better way to say it. But I was not going to bicker with him, not on Christmas Eve. I sipped my sherry. Mulder sipped his. We sat. Then I remembered that I had to wash my hair. After all, I had to be at Mom's tomorrow by six AM. Mulder agreed that it was getting late. He would miss "Santa Claus on Mars" if he didn't get going soon. And then we decided to get together again some time. Maybe next century. End Feed me! ckelll@hotmail.com