From: =?iso-8859-1?q?Diana=20C?= Date: Sat, 9 Jun 2001 00:42:16 +0200 (CEST) Subject: GLOOMY SUNDAY Source: revision TITLE: Gloomy Sunday AUTHOR: Diana NO Fowley difriendly@yahoo.com CATEGORY: MSRomance RATING: PG-13 SPOILERS: DeadAlive, Existence. SUMMARY: Scully's pain for losing Mulder is so unbearable that she decides to end it all. DISCLAIMER: I don't own Scully, I don't own Mulder and I don't own little Billy (THEIR SON! no matter what NoRomos say). All of them belong to Fox, Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen. Gloomy Sunday is a song written by Carter/Lewis/Seress, property of Columbia Records, performed by Sarah Mclachlan. Walking After You belongs to the Foo Fighters. ARCHIVE: Gossamer and anywhere, as long as I know it. I dedicate this story to my friends Enigma X, Elly, Missy, Mulscu and X. Thanks for being there for me girls! And to my boyfriend Amir, because I couldn't live without you. And of course, to my heroes Mulder and Scully, mostly to Scully, for being such a role model to me, to David and Gillian for playing them, and to Chris Carter, you finally did it, I love you man!!! Any kind of feedback will be appreciated at difriendly@yahoo.com . GLOOMY SUNDAY (1/6) *Sunday is gloomy, my hours are slumberless Dearest, the shadows I live with are numberless Little white flowers will never awaken you* What did this man do to me that I'm not able to go on without him? Why, even when my heart's beating and muy lungs are brathing, I feel like there's no life left in my body, except for the little angel that's growing inside of me... My child... Where do I get the strenght to carry you inside of me, until the day of your birth arrives, and even then... why do I feel just unable to raise you without him? Why...? If I hadn't let him go alone to Oregon... if I had discovered the truth about the abductees before he was taken away from me... if I had found him earlier, if I... If I had done everything different... faster, he wouldn't be buried now. I don't know how I was able to stand at the funeral with all those people, with you inside of me... seeing how his coffin covered with dirt. GLOOMY SUNDAY (2/6) *Where the black coach of sorrow has taken you Angels have no thought of ever returning you Would they be angry if I thought of joining you?* And now I find myself here in his bed, crying, feeling how my body aches for him. Never before have I felt such a sorrow. I've been through a lot of pain in my life... but nothing, just nothing compares to this. I can't feel my arms of legs... just a deep painful burning heat in my chest... GLOOMY SUNDAY (3/6) *Sunday is gloomy, with shadows I spend it all My heart and I have decided to end it all Soon there'll be flowers and prayers that are sad, I know, let them not weep, let them know that I'm glad to go* My baby, I need you to hold on... because mommy's not gonna be able to make it... I need you to forgive me for what I'm going to do, but we have to be together. We'll be a family, honey. And this way you'll meet him. And you'll know why we need him. Mommy knows honey, trust me. GLOOMY SUNDAY (4/6) *Death is no dream, for in death I'm caressing you With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you* His gun is in the drawer. I'm not afraid... don't be afraid, my child. It's not going to hurt. We'll travel through time and space to meet him, we'll be there before you know it. It'll be just a second. Ready? There we go... Look, there's daddy coming for us... GLOOMY SUNDAY (5/6) *Dreaming, I was only dreaming I wake up and I find you asleep in the deep of my heart, dear* I hear my son crying and I wake up. Jesus, it was only a dream. I still feel my chest burning, I don't want to have that feeling again. Once is enough. I couldn't stand it. I turn to see Mulder but his side of the bed is empty. Everything's silent now. I'm sweating and shaking. I get up trying to calm down and go out of the room. There I see Mulder with our baby in his arms, singing softly to him. I feel relieved. And happy to be here with the man I love, and our son. GLOOMY SUNDAY (6/6) *Darling, I hope that my dream never haunted you My heart is telling you how much I wanted you* Mulder looks up and notices that I'm standing there, watching him. What a lovely father he is. I always knew he would be a good father, but this good was beyond my imagination. "Hi, there" He says to me, smiling that lovely smile of his. "Billy cried and... I didn't want to wake you up. You looked so tired and... well, he ate about 45 minutes ago, so I didn't think he was hungry, maybe he had a bad dream" "Yeah, maybe..." I walk to them and notice that our son is already asleep. I put my arms around Mulder's waist and kiss him gently on the lips. "Thanks" I whisper. "You're welcome" "I love you" "And I love you" He kisses me and starts singing again, even though he knows Billy is already asleep... but for some reason, I have the feeling that it's not Billy who he's singing to. "Tonight I'm tangled in my blanket of clouds... dreaming aloud. Things just won't do without you, matter of fact... I'm on your back..." I rest my head against his shoulder. He keeps singing, dancing slightly, his breath in my forehead. We stay like this for a while until we're so tired that we put Billy back in his cradle and go to bed. We fall asleep clinging to each other, my head in his chest, filling with his scent. -THE END-of the beginning- ----I know this is a veeery short story, but please, if you read it, let me know what you think, no matter what. Thanks---