From: "M. Sebasky" Date: Thu, 11 May 2000 19:25:52 -0000 Subject: xfc: Gold to Airy Thinness Beat by M. Sebasky (1/1) Source: xfc Gold to Airy Thinness Beat (1/1) by M.Sebasky Feedback is always lovely: msebasky@yahoo.com Rating: This one is PG Archive Permissions: Spookys, Ephemeral, Xemplary, Church of X, Gossamer, all the big houses, yes. On personal pages, drop me a note. It's good to know where you end up at the end of the day. Link will be at: http://geocities.com/msebasky/goldtoair.html Category: Mulder, Scully, Skinner. MSR dosed with MAJOR ANGST. Don't read this if you are weak at heart or don't like seeing Moose and Squirrel suffer. Oh and by the way, one of our heroes is going to be shuffling off a mortal coil. Still, give it a try, Mikey. You might like it. Spoilers: absolutely none. Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, I don't claim 'em and I have utmost respect for the people that do. Thanks: Virginia. Sab, Marasmus, Livia, Piglet. Thanks very much. Quick notes at the end. ______________________________ Physical law was all that mattered. Higher Ideal sat in a corner and awaited the arrival of Outcome as Skin grew pale, drained of ruby liquid. Pupils ate blue Irises in a mad race to find fading light. Ribcage fell and dropped, taking longer and longer pauses between trips. hang on scully hang on listen to my voice just listen to my voice It was easy for the tiny membrane inside Ear to ignore her partner's plea, coming from so high up, so far below. There were other things to listen to right now, fascinating noises from the inside. Wind touched places never before exposed to elements, drying, crusting. She felt empty. She felt free. "It won't be long now." She saw her words instead of hearing them. She watched them float up in the rust-colored sky, white balloons. She noted with clinical wonder that she could see her voice. It was iridescent, thick and plush like velvet cord pulled up into the air. Pain shrieked through her midriff . The doctor left in her examined the wounds and saw the internal bleeding caused by the little nubs of cop-killer metal. Liver, gone. One Lung deflated, the other torn. is on the way you have to hold on please Shhhh, Mulder. Shhhh. I need to pay very close attention now. SCULLY Spine snapped up and back, Head lolled on neck. The sky was blue again. What looked like her hand raised and fell on a white starched surface, finger-painting in deadly red. Chinese ideograms for hope, luck and joy were traced carelessly with one soaked fingernail. Wet on her face. Sodium hydrochloride rain fell in crystal drips. Male hands, normally strong, now weakly pressed in hurt places, trying to push back all red tides. what to do i can't it won't Where were her feet? Step by step they had carried her towards today but now she didn't know if they ever existed. Maybe they were just something she imagined one day. Maybe she had walked on her hands all this time after all, dragging the weight of her torso inch by inch up a steep incline of gravel and rocks towards the inevitable skidding downward course. help is oh my god over here over here agent down It isn't down, Mulder. It's everywhere. We should change it to everywhere, not down. Agent everywhere. The idea made her laugh and Pain once again blazed bright trails through dimming Consciousness. The sky was blue and here was her partner's sweet panic-stricken face, Kevlar vest pulled off to hold her closer. Eyes worked hard to focus on the blur of movement surrounding her. So much fuss. It's all right everyone, it's all right. "I'm...fine..." Did she say that? There were no balloons in the now purple heavens as Heart fluttered like a little bird. She was a bird. It was all so clear. She had always been a bird, a small feathered avian making her way from branch to branch, staying out of the wind in deep bushes, warming her feet on the power lines that stretched across the field out by that house that her friend Denise lived in when she was ten.... don't leave me i love you scully She should say something comforting to the man holding her like a cloth doll, torn and frayed and dear. She remembered when she was 6, undressing her Raggedy Ann and finding the heart printed on the chest that said, "I love you". In the time it took to hurriedly put the little dress and apron back on, the doll graduated to favorite. She'd held it close, whispering many "I love yous" to the little cotton figure, just like Mulder did to her now. She still had it back in her apartment, carefully tucked on a shelf, dear and worn. Raggedy Ann loved her. Mulder loved her. It was good to know. "Don't cry." Tiny clear bubbles instead of balloons rising up towards the black sky, like the sound of sirens near her head. Kind rough hands pulling her from her partner's unyielding chest. No, no. Not alone like this. Her hand appeared again, reaching out to leave more red-tinted symbols for despair and longing on the white cotton canvas. She watched as it entangled in his net of strong unwounded fingers. The warmth from his hand made Teeth chatter. She was cold, so very cold. wait wait for me scully i'll be right there i'm not going to leave you She needed to tell him. Hands grasped at his tie, pulling him near her in a final blast of energy, fueled from need. I'm running out of time, Mulder. Listen close. He seemed to hear her. He leaned in, stopped the men pushing her towards the black maw of ambulance, his dear, dear face swimming into focus. God I'm going to miss seeing you, Mulder. Miss talking to you and we never really did. Talk. Not about the important things. Now we just have time for goodbye. She saw the words again, watched them spiral upwards to heaven where the souls of the dead held out their arms to receive them. His face crumpled. no scully don't do this you have to go they have to take you No, Mulder. This is it. He'd heard her. Tears fell as the words traveled past his face and moved towards oblivion. Another pain from deep inside. She could feel some internal organ rip loose of its precious tethers and shut down, tired of running its course. Her partner held her hand and wept. The sky faded to pale black. Time to tell him. Time to let him know. She tried to smile as she watched the words float around him, caress him with their velvet hands. I've loved you, Mulder. All this time. Loved you like no other. If I die today, I'm glad it's beside you. It's where I belong. I've always belonged next to you. I'm sorry it took me so long to see it. His features were fading, but his eyes remained etched against the disappearing landscape. She thought she could see her confession light them up from the inside. He was so beautiful. She couldn't pick a better face to see. He was all she wanted now. It was perfect he was here. Somewhere from all around, a man was shouting her name. It was getting lighter and the sky was closer than she remembered it. Lungs were so tired but she needed to keep going. Tell him what mattered so she could leave this all behind with no regrets. scully please try I love you, Mulder. Always have. Always will. It's you and me, Mulder. No "gotchas" this time. No more time and now I want to live forever. She was floating and there was no pain. She watched distant planets move closer as she headed upwards. Living forever is easy, Mulder, she called to him. You just have to know how. Velvet cords reached down and caught her, wrapping softness around her limbs, lifting her gently, wrapping her in the sound of her own voice. She looked to find Mulder but he was gone. No matter. He knew. She could go. She gave herself over. She didn't look back. _______________________________________ Skinner wiped the tears from his face and moved towards the lone figure sitting on the hood of the dark sedan. He normally hated the feel of Kevlar, but he had business to attend to that couldn't wait for him to take off the heavy vest. "Agent Mulder?" The solitary man didn't turn. He sat on the hood, looking down the road the ambulance had disappeared on, like a dog waiting the return of its owner. She did own him, Skinner thought. She owned us all. "Agent Mulder?" Nothing. Better just say it. He made himself promise he wouldn't choke. "Agent Scully just passed away in the ambulance. They tried to revive her, but there was too much internal damage." Skinner wasn't going to make it through this. He took a shuddering breath. "I'm going to contact her family." "Her mother. Call her mother." The figure on the car turned around, face seemingly mild. Skinner stepped closer to his agent and put his hand on the man's shoulder. At the touch, a small trembling entered the man's hands. He looked back down the road, eyes seeking a small figure who wasn't going to appear. The A.D. felt the lump in his throat grow larger. It probably wasn't the time for it, but it was protocol and he needed to know. "Agent Mulder, I'm sorry to ask you this right now but you were the last one with her. Did she..." Christ, this was awful. "Did she say anything? Anything I can tell the family?" Mulder face collapsed in on itself. One tear fell free and began the journey towards his collar. "No." Another tear fell and Skinner moved a step closer. Mulder shook his head violently. "No. She didn't say anything. I think she wanted to but she just...just...she was so...broken..." Skinner didn't care if looked manly or not. He embraced his crying agent, Mulder's tears mixing with his own. ______________________________ Finis Notes: This was written for the Church of X fanfic challenge for May. The challenge was to use the line " If I die today, I'm glad it's beside you" in a fic. The topic spoke to me. No, let me clarify. The topic was like red held in front of a bull to me. Thanks, Church of X. The title is from Donne when he speaks of the direct connection that lovers have when one is dead. I wish I had thought of it, but the credit all goes to Marasmus. Come drink Guinness with me, woman. I mean it. And remember: don't hate me because I killed her. Hate me because I enjoyed killing her. feedback for anyone who'd like to make my day: msebasky@yahoo.com