From: Emily Siazon Date: Thu, 24 Dec 1998 00:30:26 -0500 Subject: "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" (1/1) "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" (1/1) By Emily Siazon Rating: PG Category: VH Spoilers: None. Keywords: Fluff. Summary: Scully explains why Grandma couldn't have been run over by one of Santa's reindeers. Disclaimer: All characters belongs to 1013 production, Chris Carter, and FOX. No infringement is intended. ********************************************************************* "Mulder, you can't seriously believe that Santa Claus exist." "Then how do you explain the evidence?" he asked, waving a beige folder in front of her face. "A woman in her late sixties walks home on Christmas Eve during a snowstorm and is found the next day with reindeer hoof marks on her forehead and incriminating Clause marks on her back." "But everyone knows that there's no such thing as Santa Claus. It just goes against all the laws of Physics. Think about it: There are 378 million children who celebrates Christmas, and with the average 3.5 children per household, that would make 91.8 million homes. This works out to about 823 visits per second which means the sleigh has to move at 650 miles per second. "Assuming that each child gets no more than two pounds of presents, the sleigh would be carrying 321,300 tons. Something that big traveling at 650 miles per hour will create such an enormous air resistance that the energy the reindeers absorb will cause them to burst into flames and create a deafening sonic boom in their wake. The animals would be vaporized within a couple of milliseconds!" "Well, I see someone here isn't filled with holiday cheer," Mulder said. "What happened? Did he forget to give you a present or something?" "No, of course not. I'm simply telling you what every person over six would say." "I must have been absent the day they taught that. I'm pretty sure I would have remembered teachers saying that there can't be a Santa Claus because the reindeers would burst into flames if he tries to keep on schedule." "Well, I don't think everyone knows that part; if they did, The Night Before Christmas would be a heck of a lot more interesting." Mulder laughed. "Yeah. But that still doesn't explain the old woman's death." "She was walking in the middle of nowhere after consuming gallons of eggnog. She probably scared some poor reindeer on her way home and suffered the consequences." "Nonetheless, I think we should check it out," Mulder insisted, shoving numerous unidentifiable folders into his briefcase as he prepared to leave. "I've already booked us a flight that leaves in two hours." Scully looked heavenward with an exasperated expression. "It's times like these that make me wish I'm a fictional character. Nancy Drew never has to worry about stupid cases like these." "Yeah, but then you would have never been paired up with someone interesting as me." "I also wouldn't be working on Christmas Day." "You sure Santa didn't forget you?" Mulder asked as he helped her put on her trench coat. "What makes you think he forgot? Maybe I was just naughty this year." "I think I just got very turned on." Scully barely concealed her smile as she herded him out the door. "let's go catch our flight, Mulder." End ********************************************************************* Author's Notes: Here's a fluff piece I wrote that will hopefully cheer some people up. The title was taken from my favorite Christmas song by Doctor Elmo, and the scientific babble about Santa came from the January 1990 issue of SPY Magazine. Please send feedback to