From: "Claϊdia" Sousa Date: Tue, 4 Apr 2000 04:58:56 -0700 (PDT) Subject: The green eyed monster Source: direct TITLE: The Green eyed monster AUTHOR: Claudia Sousa, a.k.a. Everything Dies E-MAIL: Claudia_Sousa@yahoo.com DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere as long as my name and e-mail are attached SPOILERS: nope... CLASSIFICATION: MSR (although it may not look like at first); slight H (or at least I hope so); some A. RATING: R or NC-17 – I guess it depends on your POV. SUMMARY: The green eyed monster causes Mulder to rethink his feelings for Scully. FEEDBACK: Please, please, please, please.... (sigh) ;-) DISCLAIMER: Mulder and Scully don't belong to me (Surprise!! Surprise!!). They belong to CC, Fox, DD and GA. Just having a little fun with them, no harm intended. Please don't sue, I ain't got any money. And now, on with the show... "The green eyed monster", by Claudia Sousa I have no idea what's going on with Scully these days. She's acting very strange: she's smiling all the time, very relaxed, making jokes and laughing at mines... I almost fell off my chair yesterday when she started laughing while reading something on a magazine. Scully never laughed - she was the example of sobriety, of seriousness. I must admit, it's a joy to see her this way. I'm starting to feel happier myself, although I can't help feeling very intrigued about *why* she's so happy. True, we haven't had any terrible case to solve - no cold-stoned serial-killer, no autopsies for her to perform, no case worth investigating actually. I'm bored to death. And all I have to keep me going is Scully in the best mood ever, looking as relaxed and happy as a teenager or... No, it can't be, there's no way in hell she's... "Kevin, what are you doing here?", I hear her say as she runs towards a tall, dark haired man, standing just outside the office door. ...in love! OH. MY. GOD. I can't believe what I'm seeing. She hugs him, kisses his cheek and then proceeds to making him tons of questions not even giving him time to answer none. She's looking like she just found Nirvana or something, and even though she's not facing me, I can tell her eyes are sparkling. I have no idea who this guy is but I know two things: *she* definitely likes him, and *I* dislike him already. "Hi Dana, I'm so happy to see you. God, you look beautiful, as always." Did I say I dislike him? What I meant to say was that I really really really dislike him. "Thanks" she says; and her eyes fall to her feet and she's blushing. "Oh Kevin, I want you to meet my partner." Ok, Mulder old boy. Let's play the cool exterior look. Try to ignore the boiling interior who's just about ready to reach for the gun and aim to kill. They're heading towards my desk now, and I happen to notice how she's holding one of his arms, as if she's afraid he'll run or something. "Mulder, meet Kevin River. Kevin, this is Fox Mulder." Mr. Mulder", he says and extends his hand to me. And she's still attached to his left arm. My hands twitch when I shake his, my wish to just tight his hand until all his bones break into tiny little pieces; of course I just give him a firm shake followed by the customary "Mr. River". Not that I had a chance to say much more because he's soon facing her, smiling and being smiled at, all this two feet away from my desk. Suddenly my guts roll over, as he grabs both her hands, bringing them to his lips, and kissing her palms, one at a time, before speaking again. "What do you say we have dinner tonight?" "Sounds great. Why don't I cook and you bring dessert!?". "Ok, what time should I..." "Around seven. That way we can make the night last longer." And he finally leaves, giving me the *pleasure* of watching him kiss *my* Scully on the lips. Sure, it was just a peck, but it's still a kiss, nonetheless. And all of a sudden I realize what exactly have I just witnessed - Scully and her boyfriend having a little loving rendezvous right in front of my eyes. The hand holding, the kiss, the 'make the night last longer' thing - all are playing repeatedly in my mind, making my heart hurt as if I've just been stabbed. And I suddenly realize I don't really really really dislike him. How could I? After all he's the man making Scully happy and relaxed. I care for her very deeply, and I only want her happiness; there's only one feeling I can have for the lucky bastard: *I HATE HIM!*. ***** Mulder left earlier today, mumbling something about having some business to take care of or something. Being alone in the office, I allow my mind to freely explore the events of the past few days: all the decisions I made, the realization of wishes and feelings I didn't knew I had and, of course, Kevin and all the happiness he's brought me already, and will probably bring to my life. My thoughts are interrupted by the phone ring. "Scully." "Dana, it's mom. I just talked to Kevin and he told me he'd been with you." "Yeah, I saw him this morning. You were right about Kevin - he's as good as it gets. I have a feeling it will work." "Glad to know that honey. Let me know how things turned out." "Ok Mom, bye, love you." As I turn off the phone I think to myself - Yeah, this time it will work. ************************************* I Know it was a pathetic childish thing to do to leave the office the way I did, but I was thinking about my dignity and security after all. Dignity because I was one second away from making a fool of myself by throwing at her feet and beg for her to forget Kevin and love me. And security because I could suffer some physical damage in the process of convincing her how *I* love her more than anyone else, and how *I* would give both my arms and my legs to have her looking that happy for me. She would kick my ass as fast as you could say 'love you', and I have to keep in mind that she has shoot me once, and I'm sure she'll do it again, no doubts about it. So I just decide the best course of action would be run until my legs hurt beyond tolerability, get royally drunk and hope I can face her again tomorrow morning. Also, I am not allowing any thoughts of what she might be doing with Kevin in her apartment right now, or what she might do with him the rest of the night. I am not going to think about her heavenly lips locked with his, or their naked bodies rolling on the bed as they make passionate love. And I'm certainly not going to think about how I wish it was my lips locked with hers and my body merging with hers, deep inside her as I kiss her flushed skin, her perfect breasts, all the while moving with her towards ecstasy. No... I am certainly not going to think about that. I'll just drink until I drop. ***** I wake up with the biggest headache known to mankind banging in my head. I guess the 'drink until I drop' thing worked in perfection. I have no recollection of anything that happened after I finished the first five glasses of whisky, except... Don't you just hate when you drink to try to forget and all that you get is remembering even more than you did before? I'll explain: I was drinking to forget about Scully and her boyfriend, and whatever they were doing in her apartment, but I only partially succeeded it. I ended up having the weirdest dream: I was with her in the apartment and we were slow dancing; our lips met as if by magic and we shared the most incredible kiss ever. Then she started pulling my clothes off, and I did the same for her, and we stumbled towards her bedroom and fell together and naked on the bed. I started to kiss her legs, moving up and up until I reached my goal and as soon as I touched her with my tongue she moaned 'Oh Kevin', followed by 'Mulder, what are you doing here?' I looked up to find her staring in shock at someone standing outside the bedroom door, and as soon as I turned, I saw myself pointing a gun at 'Kevin' who was naked with his face between Scully's legs. Then she screamed 'Mulder, NO, please don't do this, NO, NOOOOOOOO', and then I woke up. And *then* I decided I would never drink to forget, ever again, and that as long as we have no case to solve, my gun stays as far away from me as possible. Unfortunately I have to go to work now; I considered calling in sick but then I realized there's no point running from this – I will have to face her sooner or later, so I might as well face her now and get this over with. And I must confess I am a little curious about how things went on last night – maybe she kicked his ass and realized he's no man for her. With that thought to keep me standing I make my way to the street and call a taxi – I am in no condition to drive. During the cab ride I continue to imagine what might have gone wrong between Scully and Kevin. Maybe he was too bold and tried to push her farther than she wanted to go, or maybe she just decided she wasn't ready to have a relationship with him, or maybe she found out he was married, or maybe I'm just deluding myself – yeah, that's probably it. Walking down the hallway that will lead me to the office I feel as though I'm walking to meet my destiny; almost as if the course of my life depends on whatever happened last night between Scully and Kevin. If I think about it, it does make total sense – I *do* love her for a long time now, and I did hope that she could be mine someday; sometimes I even got the feeling she loved me too, although now I know *it was* just a delusion. Whatever I'll find in her eyes the minute I walk in that office is going to affect my life; and I'm not sure I'm willing to let her go, if that's what she wants. I wish I had told her I loved her the minute I realized it. Maybe things could have been different. The office door is half open, and I can hear her talking to someone, probably on the phone. I can't help but stop and eavesdropping for a while, trying to make out her words behind the partially closed door. "Yes, I thought you were pretty good too, never had I hoped for the whole thing to go so well. I was pretty impressed with your performance. (pause) . You sure did. Oh, by the way, mom called insisting we have dinner at her house. (pause) . You too, bye then." I lean against the wall for support, since my legs decided I'm way to heavy for them to hold me. The knife that has been stuck in my heart since yesterday morning has finally break it into two perfect pieces, as I realize that I lost her, this time not to a group of conspirators or a cureless disease, but to someone who's willing to give her what I haven't: love, tenderness, a normal fulfilling relationship. I try to collect myself, gather some sort of control over the emotions playing in my mind and body. At least I manage to stand semi-straight and try to look somewhat normal to when I face her. I'm just hoping I can hold my emotions at check when I do face her, and, more important, hide the tears gathered in my eyes. I refuse to cry in front of her – I refuse to cry, period. I am not letting her know what she's doing to me; I love her too much to let her see, to let her feel guilty – although technically there's nothing for her to feel guilty about. I want her to be happy, and if it has to be with him, so be it. I take one deep breath, straight my back and walk in the office. She's sitting in my desk, going over some file or something, and barely lifts her eyes to answer my quiet "good morning". But the second her eyes meet mine her expression changes completely, the file in her hand forgotten as she asks with barely hidden concern "What happened to you?" I tried to reassure her nothing's wrong, that "I'm fine" but all that got me was 'the eyebrow' look, so I go for the easiest way out and tell her "I just had a bad night sleep, that's all". I'm secretly praying for her to just drop the subject; don't look at me that way, Scully. Don't give me that concerned look I so many times mistaked for love; please don't run to me, don't touch my arm or my forehead, don't stand so close. "you don't look like you have a fever", she says, the concern thing still in her voice. "Maybe you're coming down with something", and she touches my face, and I can't stand it anymore. "Don't touch me.", I say and I grab her wrist and force her away from me. "Mulder, tell me what's wrong.", and this time there's also hurt mixed with the concern. "What's wrong?? You really don't know what's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong Scully: wrong is when you delude yourself with something and then reality hits you like a ton of bricks; wrong is when you find out that all you ever wished in your life will never happen; wrong is when you love, and you're not loved back. So just leave me the fuck alone." "I don't understand what you're saying..." And that's it – I can't control myself any longer. The tears I had been holding are running down my face faster than I ever remember it happening. Between sobs I manage to look at her to find her staring at me in pure shock and nearly panic. "Of course you don't understand Scully. You never did..." And I run out the office as fast as I can, still sobbing, my heart beating as fast as humanly possible and my all body shaking. I only stop when I get to the street, the daylight making my pain even more intolerable than it already is. "You never did and you never will..." *************************************** I'm standing in our office, staring at the door, trying to understand what just happened. I've never seen Mulder that upset before, and that's saying a lot considering all we've been through in the last seven years. I have no idea of what's wrong with him; he's been acting normally, no unusual behavior, and I'm not aware of any personal problems that may be concerning him. We haven't even had any horrid case in the past week, so it can't be work related stress; unless he's stressed for not having any work. But that wouldn't explain him crying... Come to think of it, he *did* acted pretty weird yesterday morning; he left work around lunch time, which is uncommon for him, and never explained what businesses he had to take care of. I figured it was just an excuse to leave early, but now I'm not so sure. All I know is that I can't not know what's wrong. It breaks my heart to see him cry, and not knowing why makes it even more painful. I have to go to him, find out what's wrong. But maybe I should leave him alone for the afternoon. He looked like he needed sometime for himself. I'll just wait and pay him a visit later. Right now I'll call mom to let her know I won't be there for dinner after all. ***** The minute I get into my apartment the tears start rolling down my eyes again. Somehow I was able to restrain myself long enough to get home, although the cab ride was a real torture. All I can think of is Scully's phone conversation with her boyfriend and the way she sounded happy while talking to him. And then, to feel her touch, to see the concern in her eyes and in her voice – it made me feel angry. Angry at her for making me believe she could be mine. Angry at myself for exactly the same reason. All I want to do now is try to sleep – maybe I'll feel better after a little rest. I want to feel fresh to when I face her, because I know Scully, and I know she'll be here sooner or later. I don't feel like talking to her right now, I'm afraid I'll say something stupid and hurt her but I own her an explanation and she'll be here to collect my debt. But I don't want her to see me the way she saw me earlier. I want to be calm, rested and most of all, tearless. So I'll just take a shower and lay down on my couch, close my eyes and try to sleep. And I'll pray to all Gods to please don't let Scully come here tonight. Let her go to dinner with Kevin, let her have some fun, don't have her worry if *spooky* is ok. I don't want to see her. I can't see her. Not now, Not today. Maybe tomorrow everything will be better. ***** My mother was pretty upset when I told her about the way Mulder acted this morning. She really loves him, and she's always worried about him. She practically yelled at me for not going to him the minute he left the office; she doesn't know him like I do. I know how difficult it must be for him to allow himself to cry the way he did, in front of me. He's probably feeling weak and vulnerable, and he wants to have the time to regain control – we're pretty much alike in this aspect. But I have waited an entire afternoon, and I can't wait any longer. I have to go to him now. I close the office door and head for the parking garage. It's past six already so I guess it will take me at least an hour to get to Mulders. I gave him a lot of time to calm down and rest. Now all I care about is try to help him no matter what it takes. ***************************************** I hear a soft knock on my door and I already know who it is. "Scully, leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you right now." I know it's useless; Scully is nothing if not determined. Doesn't take too long before I hear her use her key to let herself in. "Damnit Scully, don't you ever listen. I said I wanted to be alone." "No Mulder. Not until you tell me what's going on." "Please don't do this to me. Just leave. Please." I can feel the tears gathering in my eyes again. "Don't do *what* to you? Mulder, don't leave me wondering what the hell is going on with you. I want to know what's upsetting you so much. I HAVE THAT RIGHT DAMNIT." I can't take this any longer. She wants to know the truth? I'll tell her the truth. I have nothing else to lose anyway. "Ok, Scully, you really want to know what's going on? Well, I'll tell you. Your boyfriend Kevin is what's going on." "Oh God." She sounds more shocked than surprised. I get the feeling she was somewhat expecting this. "Oh Mulder, I'm sorry. I never thought... It was my mom's idea, she said... I'm sorry." 'I never thought'? 'Mom's idea'? What the hell is she talking about? She's sitting in my coffee table, her hands holding her head, and she looks utterly embarrassed. Why would she be embarrassed? "Scully, you're not making any sense here. What on earth are you talking about?" "Mulder – Kevin is not my boyfriend." He's not? "He's not?" "No. Actually, he's Charlie's boyfriend." What?? "Cha...Charlie? You mean your brother Charlie? Ok Scully, now you really lost me." She sits next to me on the couch, takes my hand in hers and smiles a reassuring smile. "Well Mulder, it's a pretty long story!" "Tell me." "My brother Charlie left the navy. He's living in Ohio with his boyfriend Kevin." "He's gay?" "Yeah. It was a shock to all at first, specially to mom and Bill; he still can't accept his little brother is gay. Anyway, Charlie came home for a two weeks visit and brought Kevin with him." She let's go of my hand but still doesn't unlock her eyes from mine. "Surprisingly enough, mom really liked Kevin, and immediately adopted him as one of the family." "Yeah, but that still doesn't explain..." My words are silenced by a gesture of Scully's hand, pleading me to wait. "Three days ago I went over moms' for dinner and the four of us started talking and somehow relationships became the main subject. Mom, being the typical mom that she is, started telling Kevin about my lack of social life and my total devotion to a single relationship - the one with you. She knows how deeply I care for you, how much I..." ...And she stops; and my heart stops; and the world stops. I'm getting a pretty clear idea where this is heading, but I still want her to tell me. I want to hear it from her perfect lips. "Tell me Scully. Don't stop now." "She knows how much I *love you*, and she believes that you feel the same about me, but that you're too shy to tell me. So she, along with Charlie and Kevin, came up with a plan: Kevin was to pretend he was my boyfriend in front of you to see if you'd finally make a move. Now, and before you say anything, I want you to know I didn't agree with it at first; but you know my mother- what Margaret Scully wants, Margaret Scully gets. That's what you saw yesterday – a little performance by Kevin and myself." "You mean... it was all fake? The dinner? The relationship? The 'want the night to last forever' thing?" "that's right Mulder." Wow. That's certainly explain a lot. Although it doesn't explain the... "But what about the phone call this morning? I heard you; you were discussing his performance." "Yes, you're correct – I was discussing his performance; his *acting* performance. You just misinterpreted the whole thing." God, I feel so good. Like a weight had been lifted off my back. There's no more tears in my eyes. My heart is healed. My life has gained meaning again. Which reminds me... "So... you love *me*?" It's not really a question. Just a stunning realization. One that will change my fate forever. "Yes Mulder, I do love you. For a long time now. And with all my heart." ***** Wow! I can't believe I finally said it to him – face to face, hand in hand. Of course I have loved him since ever now, but I never felt brave enough to tell him. Until this 'Kevin thing' happened. I did thought it was a plan doomed to fail, and I just played along to get my mother *and* my brother *and* his boyfriend out of my back. I'm stunned it actually worked. It didn't worked the way it was suppose to, though. The purpose was to make Mulder jealous, to try and force him to show that jealousy to me. It wasn't supposed to make him all depressed and it definitely wasn't for him to cry. Nevertheless it worked, and judging by the 'ear-to-ear' grin in Mulder's face, it caused no permanent damage. "You know something Scully? I'm a little offended with this whole situation." He doesn't look too offended either. He's just putting me on, and we both know it. "You mean the fact that I used another man to make you jealous and left you depressing for two days?" "No. I mean the fact that you had to resort to such elaborate plan to make me make a move on you. All you had to do was say something, anything that I could interpret as a come on and I'd be yours forever." That said, he moves his face closer and closer to mine until our noses are touching and the distance between my lips and his is minimal. I hold my breath preparing to what's going to happen next and as soon as I close my eyes I feel his lips brushing mine. It's not a kiss – just a tiny brush, so light I'm wondering if I didn't imagined it. And then he says what I've wanted to hear: "I love you". ***************************************** My destiny is sealed by the words I've just spoken. Even though I have loved her for longer than I care to admit, the fact that I'd acknowledge it out loud, not only for me to hear but for her too, overwhelms me. For the first time in a long time I feel no fear of my feelings, am not scared of the consequences of whatever happens here tonight. I stand and reach one hand for her. She looks at me, confused, but after my slight nod she grabs my hand and stand inches from me. I clasp her right hand in my left one, slide my other hand around her waist and pull her to me. She looks up and our eyes lock, along with our soul. Gently we begin to sway to the nonexistent music, her head pressing against my chest, against my heart. Her eyes are glowing an incredible shade of blue, cleaner than I've ever seen before, and I feel tears threaten to fall down my face again, this time of pure happiness. Our bodies stop moving and time freezes. Her lips form the words 'I love you' even though no sound follows. I mimic her movements and then lean down; never taking my eyes from hers, I press my lips to hers, this time not a peck but a slow, passionate kiss. Only when her eyes close do I close mine. Her hands reach around my neck, caressing my hair and deepening the kiss. My arms tight more possessively around her waist, and I finally realize that she's mine and that she always will be. Her lips part and her tongue darts out to touch my lips. My own lips part, and once again I mimic her movements, electricity running from her body to mine and vice-versa, our bodies pressing more deeply into each other. Shortly after – too short for my liking – we have to break the kiss for breath. I swear, she never looked more beautiful to me than she does right now: swollen lips, ragged breathing, love and lust combined in her eyes. I desire her with every cell of my existence: my heart lusts for her heart, my body lusts for her body; I want to merge with her, want us to become one. We lean into each other once more, and when our lips are practically touching we're interrupted by the rude sound of her cell phone. Reluctantly she moves to answer and even more reluctantly I allow her to leave my arms, although I never let go of one of her hands. "Scully... oh, hi mom (pause) No everything's ok now (pause) Yes, he's fine (pause) I'm with him right now (pause) I'll ask him. Hold on." She turns to face me and gives me a gentle smile. "Mom wants to know if we can have dinner with her tonight" "Sure. I guess..." "We'll be there in one hour, mom." She hangs up the phone and I immediately grab her by the waist again. My arms were already aching from not touching her. I can't believe I restrained myself all these years. I kiss her again, deeply, and feel her pressing into me again. "Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to accept your mother's invitation. I don't know how I'm gonna keep my hands away from you." "Well, she was very worried about you, and we do owe her a thank you for getting us together. Her and Kevin." "You mean he'll be there too?" "Of course he will. He's staying there for the week, remember?" "I don't feel like..." "Mulder, don't be ridiculous. I told you he's my brother's boyfriend. And I, for one, am thankful that he helped me finally getting you. Now, I'm gonna go home and change. You meet me there in 30 minutes ok?" I give her a quick "'Kay'" followed by the 'puppy-dog-in-need-for-attention' look, and that gets me a huge smile and a wet noisy kiss on the lips. Guess I'll have to use that look more often. "Thirty minutes Mulder. Don't be late" And she leaves. And I'm grinning like an idiot. ***** Somehow we manage to get to mom's almost on time. Although it was my fault we got late! Well, come to think of it, it wasn't my fault, it was Mulders. He picked me up in time, but he looked so gorgeous in his navel blue sweat shirt I had to kiss him; but he didn't do anything to pull me away, and he didn't complain at all during our ten or so minutes of kissing. Anyway, we're not that late. And mom already known Mulder's not famous for his punctuality, so she'll probably think *he* caused our delay. Mulder seems unusually nervous, although I can't understand why. After all, my mother loves him like a son, he's part of Margaret Scully list of favorites. She adopted him the same way she did Kevin. He does look awfully cute when he's nervous though. He gets this boyish look, and he starts playing with his fingers while staring at his feet – it's adorable. I just want to kiss him. In fact I do kiss him, and the boyish thing is gone and Mulder's back, all his manly characteristics standing up – and I do mean *all*. I'm one hand-roaming-through-my-body away from just going home with him and forget about this dinner stuff. Of course mom's not famous for her timing as she decides to open the door at that exact moment; we break as if we were two teenagers and Mulder starts to blush. Cute, cute, cute... I can practically see my mother's 'motherly cells' doing a happy dance at the sight of us kissing. She has, after all, pushed us into this, in a weird twisted kind of way. Her eyes are glowing, and she smiles at me knowingly before grabbing Mulder's arm and pulling him inside. "So Fox, how are you doing?" "Great Mrs. Scully. How are you?" "Very well. Even better now. I'm very happy for you two. It's about time..." Poor Mulder. He gives me the most desperate look I've ever seen and I decide to act before my mother scares him away. "Mom?!?" "I was just talking to Fox about..." "Yeah mom, I know what you were talking about. Where's Charlie?" "He and Kevin went to buy some ice cream for dessert. Speaking of which, I better go check on dinner. Dana, will you help me? Fox, you go wait in the living-room; make yourself at home." He gives one last look and heads for the living-room as told; mom and I head in the opposite direction, towards the kitchen. I try to mentally prepare myself for the interrogation... The minute we walk in the kitchen she turns to me. "So..." "Yeah??" "I guess the plan worked. I told you it was a good idea to make him jealous. How did it all go?" "You're right; the plan did work but it almost made me lose him. Mom, you should have seen him, all sad and crying. He has suffered so much in life already, I felt miserable for putting him through this." "He didn't seemed very sad just now. He looked very content, and embarrassed." "I think he's nervous about the whole thing. And not very excited about meeting Kevin." "Don't worry about it; he's just possessive about you. He always was. Why don't you go to him? I'll take care of dinner by myself." "Thanks mom. For everything." ***** I can't believe all that's happened today: the 'feeling like shit', the 'feeling like the king of the world', the 'feeling like a kid caught with his hands in the cookie jar' – I can't believe Scullys mother caught us. God, how embarrassing! "Don't worry about it." Scully's voice startles me, and I see her looking at me lovingly and moving to seat next to me on the couch. "I'm a grown women Mulder. I can kiss a man in front of my mother. Besides, you have nothing to be ashamed of – she loved it. She has wanted us to be together for a long time." I guess she's right. It's not like she caught us in bed or anything – although the idea is rather pleasant. Not the 'being caught', but the being in bed with Scully. I guess it's a natural way to go from here. I hear a sound coming from the lobby and I realize it's Charlie and *his* boyfriend; the two man enter the living-room and Scully runs to meet a tall red headed man. I'm guessing that's Charlie, because the other guy standing next to him is the ever helpful Kevin. Scully brings Charlie to me, and I stand to greet him. He does have a striking resemblance to Scully, except that he's much taller, almost my size. He gives me a firm handshake and smiles at Scully; an approving smile, it seemed. Kevin also shakes my hand, and after an awkward silence someone finally speaks: Kevin. "Mr. Mulder, I hope you're not mad at me for that incident yesterday morning." "Don't worry about it Kevin; I'm sure Mulder won't hold it against you. Right Mulder?" What? I know she asked me a question but I'm lost in the fact that she's holding his arm again. What's with her and his arm, anyway? "Yeah, of course. And Kevin? Call me Mulder" And Scully? STOP TOUCHING HIM, please, please... She finally replaces his arm with my waist. And we all have to agree it's the best place for that arm of hers to be. I love this new intimacy between us, the warmth travelling between her body and mine. God, I wish I could glue her to me permanently. "So this is the famous Mulder. I've heard a lot about you." "Really? Mind sharing?" "Mostly good things. Mom loves you, and Dana... well, I guess you know the answer to that one yourself." "Yes I do. And I'm guessing the 'mostly' means you've been talking to your brother Bill." "Yeah, well... let's just say he's not your biggest fan." "Tell me about it." ***** We're now sitting in the couch. Kevin went to help Mom and Charlie is sitting across from us, in one of the chairs. He and Mulder are still talking – it's amazing how they got along so well – and I use the opportunity to get even closer to Mulder and let my senses reel him in: his body heat, his smell, the tender way he holds me and strokes my arm, even though he's probably not aware he's doing it... and finally the sound of his heart beating against his chest, that same heart that owns mine. "Dinner's ready" my mother voice echoes from the other room. "Let's eat" Charlie says, getting up from the chair and practically running to the dining-room. Ever since we were kids he was always the first to reach the table. Mulder waits until everybody's out to pull me even closer to him and kissing me deeply. I, of course, am only happy to answer with a kiss of my own, and we stay like that until mom's head pops in the door to call us again. "Come on you two. Dinner's going to get cold." I think my mother has just beaten the world record for 'who can make Mulder blush more often in one night'. He's changed to a nice shade of red again, and I can't help but laugh. "What's so funny?" "You look so cute when you blush." "And you look cute, period." One more kiss and he's up and heading for the living-room. "Coming?" And I'm running to meet him. "So, what did you think about my brother?" "I think Kevin is a lucky man to have a member of the Scully family in his life. I know I am." "Oh, Mulder." ************************************* Dinner went on pretty well. Kevin is actually a very nice guy, and Charlie... let's just say he's nothing like his brother. I got the feeling I have his approval to my relationship with Scully. As for Mrs. Scully I'm sure I have – the way she acted towards us all night proved that much. Relationship! Wow! It's the first time I've thought of me and Scully as in a relationship. Not a working relationship, not a friendly relationship – a Relationship, with a capital R. And once again, for the millionth time today, I think of just how lucky I am and how much I love the women seated next to me. "What are you thinking about?" Her voice startles me; we had been driving in silence since we left Mrs. Scully's house. "What?" "What were you thinking about just now?" "I was thinking how lucky I am to have you and how I won't need to seclude myself anymore." "Seclude? What do you mean?" I might as well tell her. And it's not like it's a big secret or anything. It's just weird. Even I'm willing to admit it. But first I pull the car by the side of the road. "Well... when I was a kid I had this ritual: whenever something bad happened, like when my parents had a fight or when someone said something about Samantha or whatever, I'd hide in a secret place a – I'd cry, or look at old photos – I'd just isolate from the rest of the world." "That's very common Mulder. Lot's of kids have secret hiding places." "Yeah. But how many 38 year old man do you now that still do?" "You mean you..." "It's not a hiding place. It's actually a public place – the park in front of your house." "What??" "Nowadays, whenever I'm down, I drive to the park in front of your house, at night, and just do my 'isolation from the world' thing again." "The park in front of my house? Why? For how long?" "I guess I just wanted to be close to you. I've been doing it for 5 years now; but it's not that often. I might have done it 10 times total. But it works. It makes me feel better." I risk a look at her: her eyes are glowing with unshed tears. I can see all the love and tenderness in her look, all focused on me. "But I don't need to seclude myself anymore Scully. 'Cause now you know how much I love you, and I know you love me too, and you'll be my hiding place from now on." ***** Once again it hits me: I love this man with every fiber of my being, and I'm loved back. What he just said, the confessions I'm hearing from him tonight... I know Mulder better than anyone else, and I know it's very hard for him to let someone in, and the fact that he tells me all these things, no hesitation and no fears – it makes me feel terrible. Not at him – God, never at him – but at myself, for not having the same courage, for not letting him in. I WANT to let him in, and I guess now is as good time to start as any other. "You know Mulder, when I'm feeling down I always lay in the dark thinking about all the good things in my life. Funny... you're always the first image flashing through my mind." "Oh yeah... and what do you think about?" There's no innuendo in his voice; just curiosity. "The time we spend together. Good memories – like when you taught me how to play baseball; conversations we had; meals we shared; just little things, insignificant to many people." "Not to me. Those are the best memories I have." This conversation had become too gloomy. Soon we'll be talking about the bad memories. I don't want to go there tonight. It's time to lighten the mood. "Other times I just fantasize." This seems to get his interest. The grin on his face confirms it. "Agent Scully... do tell!" "Mulder.. you have a dirty mind. It's just simple things; things that wouldn't happen between us in real life; Ok, rephrasing: things I *thought* would never happen between us in real life." "I'm listening!!" "Like I said, simple things: a first kiss." "Check." "A confession of undying love." "Check." "A pleasant evening together." "Also check. Anything else?" I can't tell him what else. I don't have the guts. I'm too embarrassed. So, he does it for me. "A night of steamy lovemaking - both of us passing out from exhaustion - followed by a blissful awakening in each other arms." "Wishful thinking Mulder?" "Well, that was the way it always went in *my* fantasies." I practically whisper "Mine too". "Scully... I think it's time I take you home." And the car is back on the road faster than you can say 'speeding ticket' and my insides tingle with excitement of what's soon to come (no pun intended!). ***** I'm driving Scully home! We're on our way to her house and I'm trying my very best not to think about whatever is going to happen there. I am not letting my imagination free, because I've learned from six years of experience, that my imagination *adores* Scully, and, if freed, can make out these incredible scenarios that I rather not go into when I'm driving next to her. She's looking at me. No! She's staring at me, and she makes no effort in trying to conceal the satisfied grin on her face. Jesus, I'm getting really turned on, and somehow I don't feel the little bit embarrassed about it. After all, she does know I love her, I told her that myself several times today, and she *is* staring at me with raw desire in her eyes. If anyone should be embarrassed it should be her, because she's openly staring at my growing crotch; and her grin is getting wider. God, doesn't she realize I'm dying here? Her eyes are burning my skin. I can feel them on my body as a caress. Please Scully, STOP staring. "So, did you liked my brother?" And she's asking me questions?? What the hell is the matter with her? I have to focus really hard to form some kind of coherent sentence. "Whaa?" Really coherent. If she just stopped staring at my crotch, I might have done better. Can you believe she stared at it even while asking me whatever it was she was asking me? The burn is subsiding. She finally gave my crotch a break. "I asked if you liked my brother." This time she's looking me straight in the eyes, and I feel as though it's important for her to know. "Yeah, he's great." "Great?" "Well, I thought he looked very much like you. And he's got one thing going for him already." "What's that?" "He doesn't hate me, like Bill does. I don't have anything against Bill, but you have to admit he really does hate me, and he'll be climbing walls as soon as he finds out about us." "Bill's not that bad – in some ways he even reminds me of you." "Me???" "Yeah. Well, he's always trying to protect me, like you do, and he loves me a lot..." "I guess. Do you think I should hire a bodyguard for when you tell him about us?" She laughs at this, and I'm glad she finally decided to endure in a nice conversation and let my body alone for a minute. "He's not a violent man; on the other hand he does hate you – there was this time he beaten up this guy, 'cause he thought he was stalking me, and..." "Oh, now I'm worried." "I was just kidding Mulder. Besides I don't care what he thinks; I love you, and I'm old enough to know you're the one for me; he'll realize that too, sooner or later." "Probably later." And I'm parking the car in front of her apartment building. In one piece. Thank God to Scully's brothers for keeping me too busy talking to think of anything else; except the driving, of course. I open the car door for her, and then lead her in front of me, hand behind her back, as usual. Wee ride the elevator in silence; I reach for her hand and entwine our fingers in a way I hadn't done since high school. She looks at me and gives me a beautiful smile, and then steps even closer and lays her head on my shoulder. Well, at least she tries to – of course I'm much taller than she is, so she ends up with her head in my arm. Anyway, it really doesn't matter. What's important is that she's touching me. Soon the elevator door opens and we're walking down the hall to her door. She reaches for her key and opens the door, turning the lights inside the apartment on. Then she turns to me and stands, not speaking, not moving, just looking me in the eye. "Well... goodnight Scully. I'll see you tomorrow." I give her a kiss and turn to leave. I haven't even taken one step when I hear her voice. "Stay with me tonight, Mulder." And she doesn't have to ask twice. ***** He follows me inside the apartment and closes the door behind me. I risk a glance at him and have to surpress a laughter: he looks so nervous, fidgeting and looking around. Of course I have dozens of butterflies flying around my stomach, but that's beside the point. I remove my shoes and jacket and head for the stereo. Music fills the room, lightening the mood considerably. I haven't done anything like this in such a long time that I'm a little unsure of what to do next. Mulder, of course, decides it for me. He reaches his arm around my waist, pulls me to him until we're touching head to toe, and says in the most seductive voice: "Dance with me Scully." Like I could deny him anything!!! I lay my head on his chest and allow him to lead me across the living-room in a rhythm that penetrates my blood as much as his smell and his warmth. "Remember the first time we danced?" "Yeah." The memories of that Cher concert and the way he pulled me to him are still fresh in my mind. I actually had some nice fantasies about that moment for weeks. "I never wanted to let you go then and I never want to let you go now." "But now you don't have to let me go." He stops and looks at me, holding my face between his hands. I feel as though my chest is going to explode from the emotion contained therein. We kiss again, slow and deep, his tongue probing the inside of my mouth and dancing with mine. One of his hands is holding my head to his, while the other caresses my face gently. I wrap my arms even tighter around his waist and let the feeling of our kissing take over my entire existence. Suddenly he lifts me and carries me to the bedroom, never breaking the kiss. He stops near the bed and allows me to slide down his body until my feat are once again touching the floor. I can feel his growing bulge pressing against my stomach, and I'm aware that this is happening, that I'm about to make love to Mulder, the man I've loved for nearly seven years now. I know it might sound ridiculous, after all we've been through today – the kissing, the professions of love, the dancing – but I can't help being a little surprise at how deliciously fast the things are happening between us. Well, *fast* if you don't consider the seven years of built-up. My attention changes from my thoughts to his mouth, who is now doing these incredible things to my neck, and his hands currently busy removing my shirt. I decide I should get busy too, so I start pulling his sweat shirt from his pants and out of his body. I almost growl in frustration when I realize he has a t-shirt underneath it. Then I really growl when he removes the offending garment, giving me a full vision of his magnificent chest. Our touching becomes more eager and our clothes are soon discarded into a huge pile on the floor. Mulder's talented mouth continues its journey through my body, leaving a path of boiling skin on its way. My body's quivering, the feelings so exquisite I feel dizzy; my need for him has finally become unbearable, so I gather all the strength I have left to pull Mulder to me and say the only words I can right now: "In... me..." ***** Somehow I have the presence of mind to move her to the bed, and begin adjusting my body so that I wont crush her. Scully's getting pretty restless, her hands on my hips trying to pull me to her. Slowly I slide into her, taking my time to savor the feeling and allow her body to adjust to me. When I'm all the way in I stop, forcing my eyes open to look at her: her eyes are closed and her mouth is half open, and for a minute I'm almost afraid I'm hurting her; but she too opens her eyes and gives me a beautiful smile. I begin to rock my hips gently, our eyes still locked. She starts making this little noises, not really moans but not really screams either, and her body meets me stroke by stroke. Soon the movements are not enough for either of us, and I feel her hands on my ass pulling me deeper and faster into her. We're both screaming now, and my eyes close again in concentration. After a while I feel her contracting around me, the power of her orgasm nearly taking me along. When her trembling subsides and her breathing becomes quieter I stare into her eyes once again, and she pulls me to her, kisses me deeply and then whispers into my ears "It's your turn now Mulder. Come for me..." I kiss her again, and without breaking the kiss start pumping into her until I too come, in an orgasm to end all orgasms. ***** I wake up in Mulder's arms. I'm not sure for how long we've been asleep, but judging by the light penetrating my window, I'd risk saying it's around lunch time. Careful not to disturb my sleeping beauty, I rise and make my way to the bathroom. I feel so happy and relaxed I want to scream, let everybody know how much I love and am loved back. I hear the sound of Mulder waking up, followed by footsteps in my direction. I look at my reflection in the mirror and smile as his sleepy reflection appears in the same mirror. "Morning Love." "Morning Mulder, sleep well?" "Never better." I hear a noise coming from his direction and realize it's his stomach. We *haven't* ate anything since yesterday and we *did* had a busy night. "Scully, I'm starving. What's for breakfast?" "It's lunch time. I'd say we walk down the street and eat something at Ben's." "Ok. We'll just take a shower before we go." "We??" "Oh, come on Scully. It will be much faster if we do it together. It's just a time-saver. Faster we clean, faster we eat." "Time-saver? Sure, fine, whatever." And I happily follow him under the hot spray of water. ***** On our way home from lunch we stopped in the park in front of Scullys apartment. There was practically nobody around, so it was relatively silent; It's incredible how a couple trees can isolate the noises of the city so well; it's as if you're in a oasis in the middle of the desert, with nothing but peace and quiet. When I look at the park now, after all that's happened since yesterday, I can't help feeling a little nostalgic – the significance this place once had to me is gone; I have another refuge now: this women resting her head in my shoulder. I feel, as I take my eyes off the park to focus on Scully, that I'm cleaning all evil out of my body. That as a snake sheds it's skin, I too shed my guilt and my sorrows in here, leaving a new me to pursue a different life with the one that saved me. I know there's still a long way to go - truths to be found, nightmares to be faced - but now I have Scully with me: my Love, my Life, my Refuge. "I love you Scully." "And I love you." The end AUTHOR'S NOTES: I had the idea for a light, funny fic. I started writing it and all of a sudden it gained a life of it's own. It's not so light any more, and not even so funny. I had a hard time finishing it, so if you think it stinks be honest. The hardest thing to write was the fifth part. I was almost afraid I would never finish it. Thanks to everybody who helped me with the 'green-eyed-monster' expression. Feedback me please, let me know how much I stink and how I should just give up writing. I once read somewhere that a writer should always be proud of it's work. For the record –I am proud of this fic. I'm just not sure anybody else will. ===== - Everything Dies (Allien Bounty Hunter) - You only die once (McBealism) - Oh how I adore you, like no one before you, I love you just the way you are... (Shania Twain- "you've got a way")