From: "mezzosoprano" Date: Mon, 26 Apr 2004 17:40:22 +0100 Subject: Guilt Trip by Mezzosoprano Source: direct TITLE: Guilt Trip AUTHOR: Mezzosoprano EMAIL: mezzosoprano@blueyonder.co.uk CATEGORY: MSR RATING: PG-13/R, depending on your opinion of a couple of bad words. SPOILERS: Triangle, The Abduction Arc (Duane Barry/Ascension/One Breath), Requiem, Deadalive DISCLAIMER: Mulder, Scully, Frohike, Byers, Langly - none of these are mine. They belong to Chris Carter, David & Gillian, Tom, Bruce and Dean. They also belong to 1013 Productions and Fox Tv. They are NOT, I repeat, NOT mine. Is that clear now? No infringement intended. No money is being made. AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story takes place in the latter part of season eight. And, for the purposes of this story, Scully was never pregnant; and we never met Agent Doggett or Agent Reyes. SUMMARY: 'I just had my head stuck so far up my ass that Langly had to shout to be heard.' Guilt Trip by Mezzosoprano "Put the flowers down, Langly." "But I wanted her to see-" "She'll see them soon enough. Frohike, what are *you* doing? "Just checkin' her charts..." "And when did *you* get your MD? *She's* the doctor - put 'em back..." These words awoke Dana Scully from a dreamless sleep, her eyes flickering open and her gaze coming to rest on Langly's Ramones T-Shirt. She sighed. "Hi guys..." "Hey, She's awake.." "10 out of 10 for observation Knucklehead," came Frohike's voice. "Hey, Scully. How ya doin'?" "Fine, Frohike... I'm fine." She craned her kneck and tried to look out of the door of her hospital room. "Scully?" asked Byers. "I thought..." She sank back down onto her pillows, dejected. "I just thought Mulder might be with you, that's all." "Yeah, we tried to call him before we came over," admitted Byers, "but his machine was picking up. We left a message anyway. Thought he might already be here actually..." Scully swallowed. "What about his cellphone?" she wanted to know. Frohike looked at his feet. "Switched off," he murmured. "But, he never-" Scully began, then stopped. "Okay, would you guys do something for me?" "Sure," replied Byers; the others nodding in the affirmative. "Go to his apartment. Knock on the door until you get an answer. If you don't get an answer..." With a little difficulty, Scully went into the locker beside her bed and rummaged in her purse, locating her key to Mulder's apartment. She handed it to Frohike. "...use this. *Do not* leave until you talk to him..." Her gaze dropped. "I want him here," she added quietly. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Fox Mulder lay on his couch, his focus on the tv, but his eyes not seeing it. Two days' growth graced his chin. The light on his answering machine blinked furiously, but he paid it no heed. Just as he'd paid no heed to the hammering on his door for the previous two minutes. It was only when a key slid into the lock and the door began to open that he looked up. "Go away, Frohike." "No chance," countered his friend, Byers and Langly following him in. Frohike stood and looked at him, hands on hips. Byers closed the door. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Frohike demanded of Mulder, who sighed and returned his attention to the tv. "Wanna be a little more specific, Frohike? I'm not in the mood for cryptic games." Angrily, Frohike strode over to the tv and switched it off. He then turned his attention back to Mulder. "You are one selfish bastard! There. That specific enough for ya?!" "Frohike.." said Langly, quietly. "No, he needs to hear this," Frohike insisted. Finally, Mulder's apathy was replaced by anger. "No!" he exclaimed, shooting to his feet. "I do *not* need to hear this. It's me, you know that? She's in that hospital bed because of me... the best thing I can do for her now is stay away from her." "Even if she's asking for you?" asked Byers. Mulder sighed, shaking his head a little, and sank back onto the couch, dejected. "All the grief I caused her when I was missing.. now this.." He looked up at them. "She was watching my back when she should have been watching her own... hell, when I should have been watching hers! I should never have been back on active duty so soon..." He swallowed. "Maybe it would've been better for everyone if I'd never made it back..." "Don't say that!" shouted Langly. "Don't ever say that... if you could have seen her, on the.. at your funeral...." Byers turned to him. "Shut *up*, Langly..." "What?" Mulder's curiosity was piqued. "Oh great. Big mouth!" said Frohike. "We promised!" "Promised *what*?" demanded Mulder, beginning to get angry again. "We haven't... we never really talked about... *that* day." Frohike shuffled his feet. He wasn't going to be the one to tell. Suddenly, Byers was having trouble forming coherent words. So, it was down to Langly. He cleared his throat. "She asked us not to say anything," he began. "Erm.. we were all there. The three of us, Assistant Director Skinner, some more people from the Bureau we didn't recognise... and Scully. Even Mrs Scully was there." Mulder nodded, taking in this information. "After... after the service was over, they'd given the Stars and Stripes to Scully...." Mulder smiled at that- "..the only two left at the graveside were Scully and Skinner. They were talking, and Scully eventually said she'd meet us back at her place for the wake, that she needed some time on her own. Limo driver promised he'd drop her off..." "Limo driver!" snorted Frohike. "Shoulda taken her myself.." "Frohike!" exclaimed Langly. "Can I get on with this?!" He was finding it difficult enough without being interrupted. Frohike shrugged and let him continue. "Anyway, we're all at the wake, it's been nearly an hour, and suddenly we're aware that Scully isn't there. Everybody's getting mighty upset, especially her Mom. So, I thought-" Byers coughed. "Okay. Erm, *Byers* thought he might know where she'd be. So, long story short, we hot-footed it to your apartment, and... she was here." Mulder still didn't understand. Langly swallowed, unable to go on. He looked to Byers for support, and Byers finished the story. "She was lying in your bed, her face buried in one of your dress shirts, having cried herself to sleep. We stayed with her 'til she woke up. Said something about wanting to be surrounded by your scent, by your things.... by you. That she couldn't believe this was all she had left." He paused, noting the emotions shifting in Mulder's face. "So you see, this isn't about you. Not like that. It doesn't matter how terribly you screwed up, or what kind of guilt trip you're on. She needs you. and not having you is worse than having you. I think you have to put your own feelings aside and just be there for her. Besides, aren't you being a bit of a presumptious asshole just *deciding* what's best for her? Shouldn't she do that for herself?" Mulder sighed. "When did you become a relationship counsellor, Byers?" Byers grinned. Mulder jumped from the couch. "I'm gonna have a shower, clean up," he announced. "And then, I'm going to visit at the hospital." "Isn't it a bit late?" asked Frohike. "This can't wait," Mulder responded. "Oh, and Mulder?" Frohike began. Mulder stopped. "I know what Byers said, that it doesn't matter what you did because you being here is better than not, which is true, but..." Mulder watched him. "If you screw up again where Dana Scully is concerned, I will personally have your ass in a sling. Is that clear?" Mulder grinned, nodded, and ran for the shower. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Scully smiled as one of her nurses came in to see her. "Got a message for you, Dana." "A message?" "Yeah - someone by the name of *Melvin*. Does that name mean anything to you?" Scully nodded. "Yeah. I know a Melvin." "Well, he said to tell you - and he said you'd know what this means - 'mission accomplished. Expect a visitor.'" Scully's grin grew even wider. "Guy sounded a little weird to tell you the truth. That message mean anything to you?" "That message means the world to me," Scully replied. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Thirty minutes later, Scully looked up as two-dozen red roses hoved into view in her doorway. Seconds later, Mulder's face joined them. "Is it safe?" he asked. "In what way?" she wanted to know. "Where's your weapon?" "Safely locked away," she informed him. "Lucky for you." He heaved a pretend sigh of relief and took a tentative step inside. "How'd you get past security anyway? It's way past visiting hours." "Special dispensation," he explained, waving his badge at her. "You mean you misused your powers again," she interpreted. He shrugged and grinned, putting the flowers on the table at the foot of Scully's bed. She watched him as he sat down on the chair beside the bed. "Scully.... I, er.. I don't know what to say." "Well, 'sorry' would be a start," she suggested. "Yeah, right. I'm sorry. I am really really sorry. I was an idiot.." he stopped as he saw she was nodding. "Hey," he told her, his tone light. "Isn't this where you're supposed to disagree with me?" "Only if what you're saying weren't true." His shoulders slumped at her words. "Mulder... I thought we'd gotten this straight, but your misplaced sense of guilt is really starting to bother me now." "But, if I hadn't-" Quickly, she placed her fingers on his lips to quieten him. "Not everything that happens to me is your fault, Mulder. If you're ever to blame for anything, believe me... I'll let you know - ok?" He nodded, her fingers still at her lips. "Until then, you can take it as read that if anything happens to me, it's someone else's fault or an accident. Clear?" He nodded again, feeling that he'd be struck mute even if she hadn't put her fingers to his lips. Finally, she drew them away, and he missed them immediately. "I was feeling a bit low yesterday. Could've done with you to cheer me up. It hurt when you didn't show up. I didn't know what had happened, but I figured it out eventually." She studied him. "Where did you go?" "Well, home. I, er.. I had a short meeting with Skinner, then... then I went home." "What did Skinner have to say?" He pursed his lips, then let out a long-held breath. "They're treating it as post-traumatic stress. Given me more time off... I've to have a meeting with Karen Kosseff." "Could be worse, Mulder. A lot worse. Karen's ok. She'll help." Mulder nodded, then slumped his shoulders again. "Mulder?" Finally, he looked at her. "You never told me. I can't believe you went through all that by yourself and never told me..." "I don't know what you're talking about, Mulder. You're not making sense." "*That* day. My... the funeral." Scully gasped. Suddenly, *she* could not meet *his* eyes. "Why mention it now?" "Because it was brought to my attention." Scully thought for barely a second. "I'll kill the three of them." "Oh, don't blame the gunmen. I just had my head stuck so far up my ass that Langly had to shout to be heard. And that's what he shouted." He paused. "How did you get through that, Scully?" he asked her in total amazement, and awe. "If it had've been you, if the situation had been reversed, I'm not sure I could've." She shrugged. "I dunno, Mulder. But I'll tell you this much. Remember when I first brought you home? That you weren't sure where to fit in?" He nodded. "I think... I think *this* is where you fit in. I need you. You need me. We need each other. We always have." "Is it as simple as that, do you think?" "I think, yeah. I do. There was a popular song around when I was at Med School, and it had this line: '..as long as we're together, the rest can go to hell.' I really think it's as simple as that, yeah." When she caught his gaze again, she saw his eyes had filled up. He swallowed. "So what now?" "Now?" she asked. He nodded. "Well, I get out of here, you go see Karen Kosseff, and we carry on. Together." She held out her hand, and he took it. "No more guilt trips." "No more guilt trips. Unless you say it's justified." "Unless that." She watched with slight amusement as he played with her hand. "Will we ever.. will we ever talk about it all, Scully? About everything that happened while I was away?" She sighed. "Maybe. Maybe it'll be like the finer details of my abduction; if it all falls into place at the one time, it'll be too much for us to handle." He stared at her, not understanding. "I used to live in fear," she began, "of the day when all my memories of my abduction would be absolute, together, and clear. When it would all come together and click into focus. I thought that the whole, entire memory, and my conscious recollection of it would drive me insane." He nodded. "However, I got through the last six months. How, I still don't know. But, if I can get through that, I can get through anything. Especially if you're here. And..." She took a deep breath, as if she were about to impart the greatest wisdom to him: "...*I'm..not..scared..anymore.*" She over-emphasised each word, as if she were exorcising some kind of bad spirit. And ultimately, she sat back against her pillows, and smiled. Mulder had never said 'those three little words' to Scully. Apart from that time in the Bermuda Triangle in what could have been a drug-induced euphoria. He'd always been of the opinion that he would know when the time was right to tell her. The time was now. The tears rolled unbidden down his face as he stroked her hand and told her. "Scully... I love you. I love you so much. I... do." She grinned, the tears welling up for her too. "I know, Mulder... oh, how I know! You've never said the words 'till now, but you've told me a million times." She gripped his hand tightly. "I love you too," she told him, almost in a whisper. For a few moments, which could have been countless millennia, they sat just like that, grinning inanely at each other. He broke eye contact first. "So... when do they say you'll be back to full fitness?" he asked, with a sly grin. "Oh, a week. Maybe two." She laughed as his sly grin disappeared. "Think you can wait that long?" "If I didn't think it would earn me another bullet, Scully.... I'd jump you right now." "Oh, how romantic!" "You saying I'm not that kind of guy? Trying to tell me two dozen red roses isn't romantic, Scully?" "They're beautiful," she told him. "And I'm saying nothing of the sort. Come here." He got up, never letting go of her hand, and sat on the edge of the bed. As she beckoned, he leaned over so that their faces were almost touching. "Maybe I'm not back to full fitness yet," she whispered. "But I'm not totally immobile.." She slipped her free hand to the back of his neck, and drew him closer, if that were possible, and their lips met. Gentle at first, then her tongue sought... *demanded* entry to his mouth. Permission granted. Scully's nurse passed the slightly open door, and peeked in. It was way past visiting hours and Dana needs her rest, she thought. What to do? In the end, she did the only sensible thing. She closed the door over, and moved on. The end.