***************************************************************************** This author's email address has changed to: Caelura@aol.com ***************************************************************************** From: StevensToy Date: 20 Jul 1998 04:46:58 GMT Subject: "H is for Happy-Dancing" by Heather Scotland TITLE: H is for Happy Dancing AUTHOR: Heather Scotland CONTENT: Humour RATING: pg-13 for a few words we've all heard before DISCLAIMER: I don't own them. Don't sue me. Thank you. ***SUMMARY*** Acting under some strange force which he can't describe, Mulder goes out of control in a wy only Mulder can...and ends up Happy Dancing in Skinner's office. Starring much shaking of the booty. AUTHOR'S NOTES: Since it's been just a little while since my last story, I don't have much to say, other than send feedback...those that do send feedback, thank you! I don't know what I'd do without you! I'd talk to myself, I guess. ;-) Insert some shameless promotion here for the first ever collaborative story between RhymePhile and me, coming soon. :-) .:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:. When Mulder fell off the couch that morning and landed on the floor, he knew something was amiss. Something was very amiss, as a matter of fact, but he couldn't quite place what it was. So he got up and went to Dust Bunny Land, more commonly known as his bedroom. He flipped through his closet, trying to find the perfect suit. Today was a big meeting with A.D. Skinner to determine whether or not he and Scully could pursue a certain case which he really wanted to look into...and not just because it was in Southern California, where the weather was beautiful this time of year. He had several good but admittedly lame and false reasons why he needed to pursue this case. But I digress. Mulder reached into his tie rack after donning the suit, and instead of his hands going to the one subdued tie he owned, the black one Scully had gotten him in silent protest, he felt an electric tingling and his hands moved of their own volition towards his `Pigs Flying' tie that he loved so much. Puzzled, he put it on anyway and glanced at himself briefly in the mirror before leaving his dusty apartment. He was still unaware.... .:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:. The Dreaded Morning Rush Hour Somewhere between Mulder's Place and Where He Needed to Be in 5 Minutes Radio blaring, heat pounding down on the car and turning it into an oven, Mulder listened, frustrated, to the talk radio report about the traffic jam he was stuck in. He was getting impatient, and he could imagine Scully doing the same, only sitting in Skinner's outer office, tapping her foot. Mulder reached for the radio to turn it down, but instead his hands, working on their own, threw his badge up on the dash and swerved the car onto the shoulder, where he drove hell for leather the rest of the way there with his middle finger sticking out of the window, much to the consternation of the rest of the people stuck in the jam. As the car rocketed down the off-ramp, Mulder wondered what was wrong with him today. That flash of insanity on the highway was much unlike him...He had felt almost....possessed! Scully would have a field day with this, but it's how he felt. And that's how he would explain it to her, raised eyebrow be damned. .:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.: ~:.:~:. Gratuitous Evil Cancer Man Scene.... Cancer Man leaned back in his chair and laughed a big, mean, ugly, slightly sinister laugh, interspersed with wheezing and coughing and the occasional hairball. "Muahahahahahahahahaha!" was the closest we could come to duplicating it, even with all of the high tech equipment we now have available. "I'll get you! Muahahahahahahahahaha!" Of course, he didn't give any clue as to whom he would be getting. .........End of Gratuitous Evil Cancer Man Scene.... .:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:. Skinner's Office...finally Mulder rushed into the office just as the door was closing. "Nooo! Don't lock me out! I have chemistry finals! I can't miss this class!" he shouted, memories of the "Lock Out" policy in school if you were more than 3 minutes late. He reached the door just as the bell rang....wait, what bell? Did you hear the bell? Mulder reached the door just as it swung back, and grabbed it before it beaned him on the forehead. He ran into the office, prepared to hand Skinner some more case information, but instead as he approached the A.D's desk, he felt that tingle again and his hands shot out and ran over Skinner's face like a lover's. Worse than a lover, because his hands were poking him in the nose and tugging at his ears. Mulder shouted to himself, emitting a squeak. His hands traced the contours of Skinner's face, as if they had a mind of their own. Which, apparently, they did. Skinner just stood there, in shock, and his mouth fell open. Mulder's hands took his opportunity to explore his boss's dental work. Scully sat in her chair, looking anywhere but towards the two men, her face composed in an "I-Don't-Know-What's-Going-On-And-I-Think-If-I-Did-I-Would-Los e-My-Lunch" look that said it all. Skinner recovered enough to yank his face away from Mulder's ministrations and sit down, his face struggling for composure. Mulder reeled away and fell into his chair. Scully was still looking away. Finally Scully looked back towards the desk. Nothing was happening. Everyone had their clothes on. She guessed it was safe to begin the meeting. "So....Sir....um...how do things look?" she asked lamely, not being able to put a concrete sentence together. Skinner stared at her for a second before replying. "Um....everything's fine. Just do the case. That's all for now. Bye." He rushed out the door, and it hit him on the way out. "Ow!" Alone in the office, Mulder got up and went over to Skinner's old fashioned radio that stood on a shelf in a dark corner. His hands reached down to turn it on, and he groaned, not being able to stop them. "Oh, no," he said. "Not again." Scully frowned. "Mulder, what's going on with you today? You practically sexually assaulted A.D. Skinner! And the worst part is, I think he LIKED IT!" She turned green at the thought, then forgot about it when Mulder hit on a particularly obnoxious station on the radio. The Disney station...playing Disney songs and other children's things...24 hours of the day. Yikes. Mulder's hips started to move in time with the music, a happy, bouncy children's tune which he couldn't really identify. He toes started tapping, and then, before he could tell Scully about his weakness for Disney radio and the strange compulsion it gave him, he jumped to the middle of the room and started Happy-Dancing with a flare and a passion for it that was unequaled anywhere in the Western world. He gyrated, he wiggled, he traipsed and he pranced, never stopping for even an instant. Scully stood there and watched him make a complete and utter fool out of himself while the music blared. His face held an almost maniacal shit-eating grin, and he was enjoying himself immensely, whirling around the room and kicking up his heels. "Yeeee haw, Scully! Woo-hoo! Look at me! I'm Happy-Dancing! Danciiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!" he screamed, shaking his booty like there was no tomorrow. He was in mid-shake when Skinner chose that moment to walk back in the office. When he saw Mulder's rear pointed at him and moving about violently, he turned and ran again. Scully didn't blame him. She would, too, but she thought he'd bounce off a wall and hurt himself and perhaps an office plant in the process. And she really liked Skinner's plants. After about 5 minutes, Scully could stand it no longer...she ran over to the radio and reached for the "off" button, but for some really odd reason, her hands wouldn't turn it. Instead, she felt an electrical sensation in her veins that was infinitely pleasurable. She turned up the volume and joined Mulder, kicking off her heels and doing the Funky Monkey to the cool sounds of Disney Radio well into the afternoon... .:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:. Scene In Which All Is Explained.... Cancer Man sat at the console, staring at the video monitor. There, in crystal-clear color, Mulder and Scully danced in Skinner's office. Grinning his tobacco grin, which could kill all plant life within 5 yards, he manipulated 2 joysticks...one marked `Mulder', the other marked `Scully'. He laughed as he pressed the `Shake Booty' button on Scully's joystick. .:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:. End of Scene in Which All Is Explained ~and~ END OF STORY Well....was it odd enough? I know it was short, but I decided to not be lazy and do this one the day after I finished G is for Grounds. Did you like it? Please send feedback....I know you want to. After all the trouble of reading it, what's 2 more minutes to tell me that you liked it? A simple sentence or two will do. :-) Stay tuned for I is For...well, whatever `I' might be for.... Heather Scotland

.~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:.:~:. I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect. The problem with reality is the lack of background music. He who laughs last thinks slowest. ICQ# 15386711