From: "Angel vdh" Date: Wed, 26 Apr 2000 20:27:41 GMT Subject: He just knows me too well by Angel Source: direct HE JUST KNOWS ME TOO WELL (1/1) AUTHOR : Angel EMAIL : angelvdh@hotmail.com ARCHIVE : anywhere, just let me know RATING : PG CLASSIFICATION : Scully POV/Maybe some MSR SPOILERS : none SUMMARY : he just knows her too well... DISCLAIMER : If I owned them, things would be different, very different ! But I don't. They belong to CC, 1013 and FOX. AUTHOR'S NOTE : again, English isn't my mother tongue, so forgive me for the mistakes. FEEDBACK : I'd love it. HE JUST KNOWS ME TOO WELL (1/1) by Angel I've never known it was him. If I had, I would have gotten to him a lot earlier. But somehow I didn't. Until it hit me. I felt dizzy, I just had to run from the office. Mulder must have thought I went crazy or something. But I had to run. Because if I didn't, he would have seen it. He would have known it. And I wasn't sure I could let him know. Because I had just found out myself. I could have never even anticipated it. Well, maybe if I really have to be honest, I have always been attracted to my partner. From the first time I saw him. But that morning, on a rainy day, it hit me, without warning : I love him. And just these three little words drained all the colour from my cheeks. So I ran. Of course I expected him to come after me. But not so soon. I hadn't even closed the door behind my back, when I heard him move his chair to cross his office and throw the door open again. I couldn't look at him. The truth of my thoughts hadn't even been registered in my mind yet. At that very moment I felt like crying. But Mulder's voice wakened me from the dream I seemed to be in. "Scully ? Are you okay ?" Of course he sounded worried. And his eyes looked heartbreakingly sad. So naturally I let all my defenses down and reached for him. Now this was something he wasn't used to, neither was I. The only time we let each other be comforted by a hug or a small kiss on the forehead was when the other had just been through a hell or escaped death. So his voice sounded even more worried as it had been a couple of minutes before. "Wanna talk about it ?" That's when I froze. Talk about it ? I mean, how could I ever try to explain my behavior ? Not to mention the realization I had had in the office. Mulder noticed my immobility, but said nothing. He only tightened our embrace. For just a split second I actual- ly enjoyed his arms around me, I was even ready to share this one sentence with him, because I thought that only then I would find peace. But the next moment I broke our silent union and fled like a little bird who's cage suddenly got open. Birds don't return. Mulder must have thought I wouldn't either. I still don't know how I got home. I don't remember taking the car and driving. It seemed like I had been drugged or something. But I do rememeber sinking down on the couch and crying. I don't cry so often, but this time I really couldn't force the tears to stay away. I couldn't come up with a reason for crying too. But afterwards I felt better. Not that there was anything to feel better about. I had just left the only man I truly love standing outside his office. Without any explanation. Without a clue. I wondered whether he would show up or not. I silently hoped he wouldn't, because I still didn't dare to face him. For all I knew, the truth was still printed in enormous letters all over my face, and it was even highlighted in the expression of my eyes. But sure Mulder was predictable. He did show up, and when I heard him knock on the door, I just had enough strength to open it. He let himself in my apartment without asking if he could come in. Well, although he was the last person I wanted to see that moment, I wouldn't have sent him away either. Also because he had brought his sad puppy-look. I have never been able to resist that look. When he shows it to me, it's like I'm forced to give in to whatever he says or wants. This time there was no difference. "Scully, can we talk ?", he asked, obviously not feeling at home. Well, if he would have known what I knew then, he maybe would have felt even less at ease. "Sure", I said. I tried to sound normal, but Mulder knew it didn't work. My voice was shivering like a leaf, and I could do nothing to stop it. He just has this power to make me feel this way. Like some sort of Mulder-magic. And I can't think of a time that it didn't work. Mulder crossed the room to go to my couch, sat down and invited me to sit next to him. I doubted, because if I did, I would feel the same again as outside his office this morning. I would want to embrace him. "Mulder, it's just...I'm not feeling very well today", I began. "I can see that, Scully", he said, "but the only question is why. Did something happen today ?" Of course something happened. He was blind if he hadn't seen that. "Mulder...", I sighed. "Scully, you can tell me, you know that." "It's not that, Mulder, it's just..." Would I continue ? The sentence that I was about to say would change my life. And his. Only he didn't know yet. But if I told him now, he wouldn't have to wait long before he found out which unmentionable decision I had made. And what if it was the wrong one ? What if...? "It's just what, Scully ?" "Nothing." Even if I had wanted to, I could have never actually uttered the words. Because there is a big difference between knowing and saying. And I was not ready to cross that distance. But Mulder would not be Mulder if he hadn't seen by the looks on my face that I was lying. Of course there was something. I couldn't deny it, but worst of all, he knew too. He knew me too well. I once thought that I knew him too, but I never could have imagined what he did next. He went to the kitchen, and told me to stay in the living-room. Said he would make me some dinner to calm down. Now I hadn't seen houseman Mulder before. He's really cute, you know, when he suffers to make something that looks presentable and, what's more, is eatable too. Don't ask me how he managed it, but when I ate his food, I even liked it. Whatever Mulder does or will do for me I'll like, I guess. Suddenly, he got me out of my dream by saying : "We never really talk, don't we ?" Now what did he mean with that ? We do talk. We talk more than every other partners at the Bureau. We discuss, we have a little fight from time to time, we even make jokes. And still he dared to say we don't talk. But I know he didn't meant it this way. I only dared to dream about what he did mean with it. I want to say nothing, but that will only cause more worry in his voice, so I try to speak without stammering. "What...what do you mean, Mulder ?" He looked at me like he was staring in my soul. "You know what I mean. Everything we say or do, it makes sense, but we never get to the point. We should have gotten to the point a long time ago." If I could have, I would have run again. Far away from him, as far as possible. And this time, I wouldn't come back. But I was trapped in his gaze. I was afraid to ask the inevitable question. I knew he wanted me to ask it. "What is the point then ?" He didn't answer. He just kept on looking at me. And then he stood right in front of me. His hand touched mine softly, and I saw a smile coming to his face. Don't even dare to make fun of me, Mulder. Not now, not today. It was all I could think about. My legs felt like jelly with him standing so close in front of me. Since when could he break down all my walls I had built around me ? It all happend in one second at his office today. One second. I couldn't move again. His face was only a few inches away from mine, and from my point of view it was frightening. Terrifying. Because he was doing a great job at reprinting the truth on my forehead again. And I had just managed to hide it as good as I could. It looked like an eternity to me, but it probably only lasted a couple of seconds before he lowered his head and kissed me. Just a featherlight kiss on my lips, but it was a kiss. From Mulder. And he had given it to me. He still smiled when I looked at him. Why, my eyes seemed to ask. He didn't answer right away. Instead he kissed me again. But this time I kissed him back. When we pulled apart, he was still smiling. "I love you too, you know." He had known all along. I didn't even had to run to hide my feelings because he had known all the time. Without even looking at me. My Mulder knew. He just knows me too well.