**************************************************************** Kipler's e-mail address has changed to: FanficKipler@verizon.net **************************************************************** From: Kipler Date: 25 Jun 1998 13:07:27 GMT Subject: HELP WANTED: Consortium of Evil Below there be broadly- and faintly-painted movie spoilers. And that's all the heading you're getting! (Kipler takes a political stand!) HELP WANTED Consortium of Evil (A Division of Roush, Inc.) is seeking applications from qualified candidates. This is your chance to join one of the leading underground agencies in the world. COE has a network of stuffy, dark, luxurious rooms throughout the world! In addition, COE offers a generous medical plan which includes full vaccination against known and (wink, wink) unknown illnesses. Recent unforeseen expansions have created the following openings: ------------------ Director Travel the world and meet interesting people! Candidate will be responsible for heading up our international operations. Will answer to the CEO. Benefits include: generous travel allowance, estate in England, full tuition to Oxford for aesthetically- pleasing grandchildren, chauffeur. ------------------ Chauffeur International Driver's license required. Preference Given to mute candidates. ........................................................... Medical Doctor, FEMA Division: Must be familiar with retroviruses, embryology, human cloning, branched DNA, alien parasitology, vaccine technology, and cryonics. Salary negotiable; may include provision of secret new identity to relieve candidate of pesky legal and/or financial troubles. ------------------ Author/Crank/Agitator Candidate must be able to write popularized, easily- debunkable treatments of deathly serious situations, which seem so "out there" that the public will be lulled into a state of apathy while heinous events occur around the world. Payment will likely include the blissful death of martyrdom. ------------------ Sharpshooter: Must be able to track subjects through crowded city streets with high-powered firearms while remaining undetected by the general population. Preference will be given to candidates with "Quiet" or "Willy" in their nicknames. Protective fire gear included in fringe benefits. ------------------.. Section Chief, FBI: Candidate will work within the framework of the Federal Bureau of Investigation to monitor and occasionally impede the progress of Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. Position will involve occasional supervision of moles. ------------------ Moles, FBI: Candidates will infiltrate the partnership of Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. Priority will be given to those candidates with previous ties to said agents: sister's half-brothers, full-brothers, former lovers. ------------------ Interested candidates should send their resume and three (3) letters of reference by July 25 to: Conrad Strughold The Big Cornfield with the Beehives Foum Tatouine, Tunisia The Consortium of Evil is an equal opportunity employer, which does not discriminate on the basis of stony-faced blondness, single-armedness, or overwhelming stupidity. ******************************************************* Feedback to Kipler@aol.com Thank you kindly.