From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: 14 Feb 2002 19:49:17 -0000
Subject: Here on earth by Jessica
Source: direct

Reply To: j_rothen@yahoo.se


Title: Here on earth

Author: Jessica   ( j_rothen@yahoo.se )

Rating: PG

Category: MSR

Spoiler: Christmas Carol, Emily

Summary: Scully dealing with the pain of losing Emily.

Disclaimer: The X-files, Mulder and Scully belong to FOX 
and they are not mine. 

Note: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
 mistake may occur.



Darkness had a hold of her life again. She was losing 
the battle against evil and it was nothing she could do to 
stop it from happening. She had tried so hard to save 
this little girl but she had failed.
As Dana Scully walked the halls of the hospital she couldn't 
help but pray for a miracle. But she knew nothing could help 
her now. 

They called her into the room late in the evening and told her
what she already knew; it was nothing more they could do. 
It was in Gods hands now. He had given her the gift of 
happiness in the shape of that little girl that now was 
sleeping calmly in the hospital bed. But now he was about 
to snatch her away from her. It wasn't fair. 
Emily was the angel she had longed for in her life; 
the bright light to chase away the clouds of darkness.
But now everything was over. 

 Scully lay down silently besides Emily and took the sleeping 
child in her arms. Was this heaven she held in her arms? 
She believed so.
This little girl had gotten under her skin and touched 
her heart with gold. Now it was time to let go. Dana 
Scully closed her eyes and let the pain in. It was time 
to say goodbye to her angel. She couldn't stop this from 
happening. She rocked the little girl in her arms and prayed
to god for just a little more time. 
As the darkness of the night surrounded them she whispered 
her goodbye. When Emily took her final breath she took her 
to her heart and prayed for strength. 





He hated to see her like this. He hated that he could do 
nothing to take her pain away. He wanted to reach inside 
of her and take away that black thing that clouded her soul.
Fox Mulder stood in the doorway to the church and his whole 
heart ached. His heart cried for the little girl that had 
entered their life and brought so much light into it. He was
grateful to have been able to get to know her. He walked the
path to the coffin with a heavy heart. Scully stood with her 
back towards him. He reached out at touched her shoulder and 
she turned around. Her eyes looked like they had seen years of
pain and survived. 
As he stood there besides her starring at the coffin he 
reached out and took her hand. It felt cold.
- Who are the men who would create a life whose only hope?
was to die?
- I don't know. But the fact that you found her... 
and had a chance to love her...Then maybe she was meant for
that too.
- She found me.
He wanted to take her in his arms. But he saw in her eyes 
that she wasn't ready. Not yet.

The black sky was filled with stars. Dana Scully sat by her 
window and starred out into the dark night. Her heart was so
empty and cold that she almost believed that if she would 
look down on her chest the only thing she would see was a 
black hole was her heart should be. How could this be 
happening again?
She had lost so many in her life that she had thought that
pain would not affect her. She had vowed to never love again. 
She would not let her heart be broken.
But still she hadn't been able to stop it from happening
once again. 
Now she sat there with her heart shattered in to millions
of pieces. 
She wanted to fly away from this world. 
Leave all her worries behind. Do something to crush the pain
that threatened to kill her. She couldn't survive this. She
hadn't the strength. She had tried so hard to put out a brave
front to show everyone that she had the power inside herself
to put this behind. But she had failed in that to. 
Her heart was not in it anymore. She couldn't go on fighting
against the evil that once again had crushed the light
she needed to survive. She hadn't the strength. She hadn't the
will. They had finally gotten to her. She couldn't take
this anymore. They had taken a part of her that nothing ever
could replace. This was her final hour as a fighter.

He had never thought it would come to this. Fox Mulder stood
in his office starring at a letter in his hand. 
She was leaving. Just like that. She had given them her 
resignation. It felt like someone was pulling a knife into his
heart. Since Emily's death she had pulled away more and more. 
He had wanted so much to go to her but he feared that she 
only would push him away. So he had waited to her to come to
him. He had waited in vain. He knew the pain that was her life.
He could see it in her eyes. Sometimes it scared him so when
he looked her in the eyes. Her beautiful eyes were so dead.
It was like someone had wiped away all the light that use
to be there. There was nothing he could do or say to take
her pain away. And that hurt.

He came to her that evening with fire in his eyes. She knew
he would come. She had thought long and hard about what she
was going to say to him. But she couldn't find the words to
say goodbye.
She looked so fragile. The anger that was in his soul 
disappeared when she let him inside. He could never hate
her. It wasn't possible.
He looked so sad. She almost wanted to take him in her arms.
- Why, Scully?
- Please, Mulder...don't...
- How can you walk away?
- Mulder, I can't do this.
- I need to know.
She turned away from him and walked up to her window.
- I saw your letter. You're leaving. How can you walk away
when we're so close?
She turned around and looked him straight into his eyes.
- Close to what? Close to the truth? We have never been close.
We have thought we have been close to the truth but every time
they have changed it. They have changed the rules of the game.
We have lost.
- How can you say that? What about everything we have seen?
- What about it? I have tried so hard to stay sane in this
game they play. I can't take this anymore.
- Please, Scully don't say that. I need you.
- You don't need me.
- Yes, I do.
- Mulder, I can't go on without her.
She was crying now. He walked up to her and took her into his
arms. It was raining outside. They stood there while the rain
painted the sky outside in dark colours.
- Don't leave me.
- They took her. They gave her life and just like that they 
took it away. Like she was nothing.
- You can survive this.
- I held her in my arms. My daughter. My love. I loved her.
- I know you did.
- She was so beautiful. She was perfect. She was heaven on
this earth.
His heart ached for her. He searched in vain for words to
take away her pain.
- I used to dream about someone like her. To have someone
like Emily in my life. Someone to love. Someone that is yours.
- You have to survive this. She would want you to go on.
- These days I don't dream and when I do it's horrible dreams
that causes me to wake up screaming. They did this to me.
- Stay with me and fight them.
- They have won. We can never beat them. They have the power
to create live and they have the power to take it away in a 
blink of an eye. 
- I need you with me. Don't leave me.
- I have to. I have to leave this place. To many memories.
- What about?
She pulled away from him and framed his face between her hands.
Tears streamed down her face when she looked into the eyes of
the man she had loved for years now.
- I could never forget you.
- Scully, please....
- I remember the day we met. I think I fell in love with you
that day. I have never believed in love at first sight. If
I knew then what I know now I would never let these years pass
by. I cherish every minute I spend with you.
- Don't leave me. I love you.
She smiled at him and wiped away a tear that fell from his eye.
- I know.
- Then don't leave. We can make this together.
- I have to go. This is neither the time nor the place.
- No. Don't say that. Just let me...
- You can't fix this...
- Please....
- You have to let me go.
- I can't.
- Yes you can....
She gave him the softest kiss and said:
- I will never forget you.
- Come back to me.

At the break of dawn she was gone. She never told him where
she went but as he stood at his window watching the sun go up
he knew that she would be safe. And maybe someday she would
come back to him and he would love her until his final breath.

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