From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: 5 May 2002 14:31:56 -0000
Subject: Here to stay by Jessica
Source: direct

Reply To: j_rothen@yahoo.se


Title: Here to stay

Author: Jessica   ( j_rothen@yahoo.se )

Rating: PG

Category:MSR

Spoiler: None

Archive: Whereever..Just let me know where

Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles

Feedback: Yes, PLEASE:...j_rothen@yahoo.se

Summary: Mulder is back and he's determent to get Scully back. 

Disclaimer: The X-files, Mulder and Scully belong to FOX 
and they are not mine. 

Note: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistake may occur.

Don't ask me about myself. I don't know what to say. I thought
I knew everything. I thought I had it all figured out. 
I was wrong.
Maybe I will never know who I am. Maybe I should surrender.
It took just one phone call to shatter the walls I had built 
around my heart. I had worked day and night to maintain that 
wall. I got the news that day that he was back. Just like that, 
like he had never been gone. I tried going about my day 
like nothing had changed. But everything had changed. He was
back. It had been so long that I had nearly given up hope
of ever seeing him again. I have dreamt about this moment. 
I have imagined every possibility of what I would say and
what he would say. I had made plans. But now when I'm standing
here outside the door to his apartment every plan went out the
window. My hands tremble as I knock on the door and enter.
He was standing by the window with his back to me. 
I wanted to say something but I couldn't. I just stood there 
in the doorway frozen.
- Hi, Scully.
He turned around and looked at me. His smile seemed to 
brighten up the room. I just stood there, afraid that if 
I moved he would disappear. I don't know why I went. I had vowed
to stay strong.
- It feels so nice to see you, Scully. It's been a while.
Just like nothing had changed. He seemed like he had just been
away over the weekend, not one year. There were so much I 
wanted to tell him but the only thing that went through my 
mind was the need to hold him. I walked up to him and raped
my arms around him. He didn't object. He just pulled me closer.
It felt so nice to stand there with my ear to his chest 
listening to his heartbeat. I felt so calm there. His scent 
filled me and made me stronger. He pushed me away gently and
framed my face with his hands.
- I have dreamt about this moment. I never thought I would 
see you again.
I wanted to so badly to act like nothing was wrong. I wanted
everything to go back to normal again. But I knew it couldn't.
To much time had passed between us and there were still so 
many questions left unanswered. I pulled away from him.
- You can't just come back after so many years expecting me 
still waiting for you!
- I know.
- You left me. It wasn't the other way around. You choosed 
this. Not me.
- I just want another chance.
- I'm with John now. You're too late.
- Give me just one chance to prove that I love you.
- Don't say that!
- It's the truth. It took years of heartache to make me see
what was in front of me all along.
- Stop saying that!
He moved towards her wanting to feel her close. I moved away
from his hand afraid that the power he had over me would 
make my walls crumble.
- Don't.
I was so afraid of wanting him again, needing him.
- Please, let me hold you.
In my head voices whispered to let him back inside.
- Don't ask me. My heart can't take much more heartache. I'm
not that strong. I thought I was. I was wrong.
- I would never willingly hurt you.
- I know that. But that doesn't take away the fact that you 
hurt me when you walked away from me.
- I did what I thought was best at the time.
- Best for whom?
- I tried to save you from a life filled with...
- Save me! You broke my heart. You ripped my heart right out
of my chest. I believed in you. I would have stayed with you 
no matter what.
Tears marked my face as I unleashed months of hidden 
feelings. I was so afraid to let him in again. I couldn't 
take him leaving once again.
- I never meant to hurt you.
- Oh, just leave! Why have you come back? Why now?
- I want you, Scully. I need you. I love you.
- Don't lie to me! 
- It's the truth.
He moved closer to her.
- I don't believe you.
- Then, believe this.
Then he kissed me. It was the softest kiss. I tried to be 
cold but the feel of his lips on mine shattered all my 
defenses and I melted away under his touch. I felt dizzy 
as he deepened the kiss and pulled me closer to him. I
didn't care anymore. I just wanted to feel him close. I wanted
to feel his skin against my hand. All tears and heartache
were forgotten and we fell into each other. He had dreamt 
about this moment for so long that he feared if he let go of
her she would disappear. He took her hand and lead her to the
bed. Her eyes were dark as he leaned forward and brushed his
lips against her cheeks removing every tear. He undressed her
in the moonlight. His hands trembled as he reached after her.
I gave myself to him without question. I wanted this as
much as he did. I couldn't lie to myself anymore. I can't lie 
to him. I love him. 
As he pulled me closer he whispered:
- I have never loved another as much as I love you. 
He could see tears in her eyes as he kissed her red lips.
- I'm afraid, Mulder. Hold me.
He laid me down on the bed and took me into his arms.
- I can't promise you much. I can't promise you a perfect life.
But the only thing I will promise is that I will never leave
you again. Nothing on this earth can pull me away from you 
again. You belong to me. And if you let me I swear I'll love
you until I take my last breathe. 
I believed him. I trusted him. He had never lost my trust.
I turned to him and whispered in the dark:
- I love you, Mulder. 
That night I gave myself to him. I don't know what the future
holds for us. But I know I'll fight for us that not even death
can part us. 
The only truth I know is that I love him and nothing can change
that.

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