From: "Bud Weiser" Date: Mon, 26 Mar 2001 22:32:06 -0600 Subject: his fifteenth year by SuzieWise Source: direct Title :His Fifteenth Year by SuzieWise Rating: PG Category: VA Spoilers: seasons 1-4 Keywords: Summary: Mulder finally lets his emotions flood out about his parents' divorce and how it affected him. It may be just what he needed realize what he has. Disclaimer: These characters are CC's, 1013's, and FOX's. Obviously not mine. Just borrowing. His Fifteenth Year The hurt I was feeling could not be measured. I tried to tell what I had been through many times, but I never could. It was possibly one of the most traumatizing and life-changing times in my life. I was only 15. So much had already happened in my meek life, and now this. It has been stuck in my mind forever, not being able to dislodge itself from my conscienceness. It found a home in the webs of my dreams, haunted me for what seems like an eternity that has taken the scenic route. My Oxford educated brain could not make the problem dissipate. I had to get this out of my head. It would be the thing; I mean THE thing that would kill me slowly. If anyone could help my psyche through this it would be the one who has saved my life and my mentality more times than even Sir Isaac Newton himself could conjure. She sits opposite me in my living room, my bedroom, hell the only room I ever go in. She, my life line, the one I would die for, the one I would kill that black lunged son of a bitch for. Her eyes penetrate me and I now feel vulnerable. I try to ignore the gaze, but it seems to be infesting me. How does she do that? I don't think any of those Oxford stuffed shirts could ever figure out the chemistry that has evolved here. I sigh and open my mouth; I open up to her. I try to let my feeling pour out. I open my mouth only to be disappointed by nothing. She gently takes her hand and slides it over mine, somehow giving me strength. I hope it is enough. This is one of the hardest things to say to someone. Well that is besides a woman's three favorite words. This is the one thing that changed who I am, who I was, and who I was going to be. This was probably the time in my life that gave me all the will power I now possess, to get me into the FBI and through Quantico's training. The same will power that keeps me from slapping Skinner every time he gets into one of his moods and goes off and either Scully or I. This thought gives me what I need to talk to her. I look her in those big beautiful ocean blue eyes, and everything pours out; like ice cream that was left on the counter on the hottest day of the year being poured down the drain. I tell her everything. I tell her how my parents yelled and argued over whose fault it was that Sam was gone. I tell her about the misery my mother and father were put through because of this now well followed ritual known as separation and divorce. I tell her how I was scared just being me in the house full of anger and bad mouthing. She moves next to me on the couch. Her heart is sinking; I can feel it. I just cannot stop myself. I continue to tell her how my life was drastically changed the fifteenth year and the ninth month into my life. I can remember staying at my aunt's house while they were settling. I remember myself in white trying to play and act like a normal teenager, trying to make-believe nothing was wrong. I remember when the Judge talked to me that dreary afternoon. I remember him as a dark person, who drew me in to his darkness. I look at her now, she is on the verge of tears, and I, well I am smiling. For once I am smiling a real smile. This is not a real smile like the one I have reserved just for Scully; this is a smile I have not smiled in quite a long time. I look into her eyes and quietly breath my word of thank you. She forces a smile, under her perplexed eyes. I say that she has let me get something off my chest that has been there forever. Something that has been there, suffocating me until I could stand it no more and I would just let down and cry. I tell her that she, SHE, is the only one who could have done this for me. I take her into a huge embrace and she finally realizes what she has done. And I for the first time found out that everything did turn out all right. They never lied to me about everything turning out right. I have my career, my health, and one of the best people in the world right there sitting next to me. I stand up and pull her with me. I dry her eyes from the tears that have been hanging there, threatening to fall down her ivory white face and into the abyss. We exit my apartment and go to the take out deli down the block. From there who knows. There is so much to figure out and I know everything will end up the way it should. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Feedback: I love it send it to Wetrdspeedo@hotmail.com please. Thanx!