From: helle@helle-olsen.net
Date: Tue, 24 Mar 2009 00:21:59 +0100 (CET)
Subject: Hold On To Love
Source: revision

Reply to fanfic@helle-olsen.net

Title: Hold On To Love
Author: Helle 
Date: Marts. 22, 2009
Rating: PG-13 
Spoilers: Three Words, DeadAlive
Classification: MSR, angst, anger.
Summary: Mulder has a hard processing Scully's pregnancy and she is 
hurt by his resentment. Skinner sends them undercover as a married 
couple. Scully's POV.
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me in any way, they belong to Chris 
Carter. Since nobody has paid me money not to write, no money is being 
made on this story.
Authors notes: There is no purpose with his story except for purely 
personal benefits. Please note English isn't my first language. The 
Song used is Rain by Madonna.

Feedback: I would be honoured and glad.



Hold On To Love

Standing in the customer line, she watched Mulder ordering a cup of 
coffee and a chocolate chip cookie, the last one. They were the only 
ones waiting in the queue. Respectfully, she kept her distance to 
Mulder; the cold air of hostile radiating from him was thick and 
touchable, and it was growing by the minute. He was literally cutting 
her away from his world, an ordeal sealed in his apartment with the 
words; he had a hard time knowing were he fitted in. She was well 
aware that it was her heavy pregnancy, he had a hard time processing, 
and so far he was refusing to find any answers to his questions.

Without a gaze in her direction, he left with his treat of goodies, 
exhaling disappointedly, she behaved sensible by ordering a cup of 
tea, fixing her remorse stare at the empty chocolate chip cookie 
plate, hoping beyond hope she could will a cookie to appear and settle 
her carving for chocolate chip cookies. It was no use, briefly, she 
wondered if Mulder had picked up her carving and deliberately chosen 
the cookie despite his knowledge. He acted like he wanted to punish 
her these days, and he was successful. Looking at her choices she 
picked a chocolate muffin, not because she liked chocolate muffins 
much but it was the best option on hand, now.

With her tray in hands, she viewed the cafeteria; it was a typical 
hospital cafeteria, simple and functional but without any comfort. It 
wasn't a place to offer anything but a poor serving of unhealthy food. 
Quickly, her eyes found her boss and partner sitting at a small table 
in the far corner, away from prying ears and eyes. It was good to know 
that the other three persons in the cafeteria wouldn't be able to pork 
their noses into things none their business. If she wasn't so tired, 
she would have found amusement in this bizarre situation. Skinner must 
have gotten infected with Mulder's paranoia.

Walking the short distance, she kept her eyes on the floor, she was 
too tired to put on a happy display for anyone at this moment and 
lacked the energy to gauge Mulder's mood anymore. Sliding down into 
the vacant chair she exhaled in relief, her back was sore this 
morning. She was facing Skinner at the opposite side of the table, he 
looked worriedly at her.

"I'm fine, Sir." She lied. Skinner narrowed his eyes in sceptic but 
said nothing.

Mulder, sitting at the head of the table, ignored their conversation.

Regretfully, she studied her cup of tea and the muffin she had no 
desire to taste any of it, longing for a cup of coffee and the damn 
cookie on Mulder's plate. Normally, she allowed herself her morning 
coffee, knowing one cup a day wouldn't hurt her baby, but standing 
next to Mulder and his loathing of her had made her want to punish 
herself. Something she regretted deeply now, and if she hadn't been so 
damn tired; she would've gotten up and change her tea to coffee.

The aroma from Mulder's coffee was driving her crazy, from the corner 
of her eyes she watched him take a small sip of his cup and a sweet 
little bite of his cookie.

"Did you sleep at all last night, agent Scully?" Skinner was still 
watching her; he had become very protective of her since he learned 
about her pregnancy and Mulder's disappearance.

"No, I didn't sleep much, unfortunately." She gave him a small smile. 
But her lips turned downright when she heard Mulder taking another 
bite of his delicious cookie. That man had some nerve, she thought.

Keeping her eyes on her boss, she saw his disapproval; "did you eat 
breakfast this morning?" Skinner pursued.

"Yeah, a cracker." There was no reason to lie, he meant well. "There 
was no time if I wanted to be here on time. I stayed at my mother's 
last night, Sir."

"You've to take care of yourself, agent Scully. We will make this 
meeting short."

Returning her eyes to her cup and plate she frowned, but was 
pleasantly surprised when a steamy cup of coffee was pushed into her 
view.

"Give me your cup and plate, Scully. You can have mine. I know how you 
like chocolate cookies."

Looking up she met Mulder's eyes, he had noticed her new carving and 
remembered her forceful need for coffee in the mornings. His eyes bore 
a softer touch than she had seen in days.

Gladly, she made the exchange. "Thank you, Mulder." Her eyes quickly 
left his to focus on the cup she lifted to her lips, closing her eyes 
she held the hot liquid in her mouth for a few seconds before she 
swallowed. Unexpectedly, the taste was rich and full and nothing like 
the usually thin, cheap coffee they served in places like this. 
Setting the cup down again she broke a small piece of the cookie and 
brought it to her mouth, in her greediness she licked the small crumbs 
of her fingers. Looking up she found Mulder's eyes transfixed to her 
mouth, his face held an expression of agony and sorrow. Removing her 
fingers, she watched his eyes flying to hers, for the shortest moment 
they locked eyes and she saw the glimmer of hurt in his eyes, before 
he closed his emotions down and gave her a blank stare.

It was the first glint of Mulder, she had seen, since she left his 
apartment two days ago. He broke the contact and turned his attention 
to Skinner. "Why are we here, Sir?"
 
"We're here because, I need two agents to go undercover as a married 
couple expecting their first child, considering the fact that agent 
Scully already is pregnant and that you haven't returned to the 
X-Files yet, agent Mulder, it was obvious to give this assignment to 
you. An abnormal amount of still born babies are delivered by this 
hospital and the majority is delivered by Doctor Seller. I want you to 
look into this."

"Why didn't we just meet at your office, Sir?" Skinner had gotten 
Scully's full attention after his first sentence.

Looking slightly uncomfortable, Skinner looked from her to Mulder, 
"this assignment hasn't been approved by Kersh. He and agent Doggett 
have been told you're taking a few days off, agent Scully."

"Agent Doggett won't suspect something is wrong?" Mulder didn't try to 
hide his contempt for the agent he had only heard mentioned.

"Why would he, Mulder? I do take days off on a regular base, John 
urges me to slow down, he will only be happy to think I've listened to 
his advise."

"Oh, I'm sure he will, agent Scully." The hostile was back in Mulder's 
eyes.

"Agent Mulder, will you drive agent Scully and her car back to her 
apartment? I don't think she's in a condition to drive. The bureau 
will pay for a cap to your own apartment. If you'll excuse me I've 
another meeting. Brief me daily on this case, agents" Without waiting 
for an answer he left them, leaving a case file on the table.

Unpleased with the situation, Scully's eyes followed her boss, being 
alone with Mulder was like walking on broken glass, he was so angry 
with her for reasons she was unsure of. It was not at all how she had 
imagined his homecoming.

"Ready to go, Mulder?" He nodded his head in agreement, "I'll drive 
you home."

This time he disagreed, "Skinner is right, I'll take you home. You 
need to eat."

Exhausted, she handed him the keys. "You don't have to Skinner is just 
worried for no reason."

"Is that so, it's not what he told me. He said you've had a difficult 
pregnancy."

Lifting her eyebrow, she tried to gauge his concern; he gave nothing 
away but scanned the room instead of meeting her eyes. "Yeah, well, 
I've had help." She turned and directed her steps towards the 
entrance.

"Yeah, I bet you've." Mulder mumbled behind her.

Ignoring him she waddled away. Their eyes only met again when he held 
the car door for her and it was only for a fleeting moment. She was 
tired of guessing what was going on in that head of his, it was pretty 
obvious, he resented her and her unborn baby but the reasons behind 
his resentment were clouded to her.

As soon as they rolled out from the parking lot Mulder turned the 
radio on.

When you looked into my eyes
And you said goodbye could you see my tears
When I turned the other way
Did you hear me say
I'd wait for all the dark clouds bursting in a perfect sky
You promised me when you said goodbye
That you'd return when the storm was done
And now I'll wait for the light, I'll wait for the sun
Till I feel your
Rain

Mulder had turned the radio on to stop any conversation between them 
before it started and to help him keep his distance from her, it was a 
failing attempt. The song had the opposite effect; it was loaded with 
emotions and longings. Admitting his mistake, Mulder switched the 
radio off just when the chorus started. But the damaged had been done 
and the air was thick with unspoken questions.

"Mulder?!" Scully began, immediately Mulder interrupted her, "we've an 
appointment with Doctor Seller tomorrow morning, do you want to go 
over the case now or do you've better plans?"

"No, I don't have any plans. Why don't you come up with me and we can 
eat while we talk."

Driving the car into an empty parking lot he said "ok," without any 
hesitation.

Surprised Scully turned her head in his direction, it had mostly been 
out of politeness she had asked, sure he would turn her offer down. He 
acted like he didn't want to be near her these days, when all she 
wanted was to take him in her arms and never let him go again. It 
wasn't enough to be in the same room as Mulder, she needed him as 
close as possible. Only the most intimate closeness would be close 
enough. And that seemed to be out of the question.

It hurts. His coldness hurts. She needed to be sure he was real and 
that he was here to stay, afraid he was the fainted picture she saw in 
her motel room in Helena. The virus had invaded him that night in 
Montana, forcing his body to close down and his spirit to seek the 
starlight, where the souls wandered. Mercifully, it hadn't been his 
time, yet. The starlight must have sent him back to her, she liked to 
think that.

Out of the corner of her eyes, she watched Mulder taking the key out 
of the ignition and getting out of the car. Following his example she 
tightened her coat around her, unconsciously, hoping to take his focus 
of her growing belly. She was proud of her pregnancy and happy beyond 
words, but Mulder's lack of interest in her baby, almost made her 
shameful of the visible signs of her pregnancy. She was fully aware 
that she wasn't very attractive in her trimester but Mulder could 
never turn unattractive to her, so how could she to him?

Handing her the keys Mulder began to walk slightly ahead of her but 
gentlemanly holding the building's front door for her. Licking her 
bottom lip, she crossed the doorstep and when he continued to stay 
slightly behind her an ache of loss engulfed her. She missed his hand 
on her lower back; Mulder hadn't touched her since he awoke in his 
hospital bed. To pour salt into the wound, he had avoided her touches 
like they burned his skin. No, it was not how she had imagined his 
homecoming at all.

Mulder crossed his arms and watched his shoes while she unlocked her 
apartment door, if she didn't know he still had his own copy of her 
key in his key ring, she could believe he was here for the first time, 
and worst he looked like he wanted to be everywhere but here. 
Exhaling, she switched the light on and moved into her apartment, fast 
she unbuttoned her coat and slide it down her shoulders and off her 
arms. Turning, she reached out to take Mulder's leather jacket as 
well, puzzled, he studied her hand for a while before his eyes caught 
a glimpse of her curious stare.

"Your jacket, Mulder?"

Blinking a few times, he finally reacted and took his jacket off, 
changing her mind Scully handed him her own coat instead. "Please drop 
them on the bed, Mulder. I'll check the kitchen for food." Without 
waiting for his answer she shuffled into her kitchen, her ears caught 
the muffled sounds of Mulder moving into her bedroom. Looking into the 
refrigerator she chose the easy way; scrambled eggs and bagels with 
cream cheese.

The eggs were on the pan when Mulder strolled into the kitchen, even 
with her back to him she sensed some of his tension was released, 
relived she stretched her neck to release some of her own tension.

"Will you set the table, Mulder? There's juice in the refrigerator and 
the water has boiled. You know where to find the instant coffee and 
tea." As an afterthought she added, "please."

In silence, they prepared the breakfast. After a few minutes they 
found their usually seats around her kitchen table. Scully served the 
eggs and Mulder poured the juice, they worked in perfect order, if she 
closed her eyes she could almost believe everything was all right, 
almost believe he never had gone missing or considered dead, but only 
almost. The past months of pain and loneliness were hard to forget.

"Um, Scully, you haven't changed much in your bedroom except..."

Looking up from her plate, she raised her eyebrow in question. "Except 
what, Mulder?"

"The picture on your bed chest."

She needed a minute to realise what picture he was talking about, but 
taking a sip of her juice sudden understanding flashed her face. "Oh, 
Langley caught us on one of his surveillance cameras, the one in the 
kitchen, I think. We look relatively happy and relaxed in it, I like 
that." Pausing, she added, "it's a nice picture."

"It is, Scully. I haven't seen it before?"

Finishing her eggs, she leaned back and rested her arms softly against 
her swollenness. "No, they gave it to me when I came home from the 
hospital right after you were taken. They thought...thought I needed 
something to hold on to. They have been a great support."

"So you" He was interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone.

She studied him to see if he would continue when he didn't, she sighed 
and got up awkwardly and answered her cell. Listening for a brief 
moment, she said, "Hi John. Is something wrong?" While she spoke she 
walked back to her chair and faced Mulder. His face was back to the 
blank expression; their moment of re-bonding was gone, again.

"No, I'm fine...Yeah, a few days off will do me good...No, I'll 
manage. Mulder is here but thank you John...You just go on with the 
Ashley case. I don't think it's an X-File. What I think is that Ashley 
is a teenager sneaking out on her parents at night. Keep an eye on her 
and you'll catch her... fine, bye!"

During her conversation with Doggett Mulder had gotten up and cleaned 
the table, turning he faced her. "So we have an appointment at 8.30 in 
the morning tomorrow?"

Watching him, Scully clearly saw his rejection of her, it wasn't so 
much in his words but more in his body language. His words were normal 
and emotionless but his facial expression and the tension in his body 
told her to keep her distance. To stay away from him, he was obviously 
still angry with her.

"Yeah." Flipping though the case file she gathered a few basic 
information, "it's our first child. It's your first marriage and my 
second. It's a difficult pregnancy. I'm due to deliver in two months, 
thank god. Oh, you're Timmy Richmond and I'm Sarah Richmond."

"The happy couple. They're living the in the suburban, a nice house 
with a garden surrounded by a white fence and a coming baby! It's it 
what everybody wants?"

Without paying attention to him, she answered: "I guess so, Mulder."

"Can I get my copy of the case file, Scully?"

"Sure, just one second," turning the papers quickly, she was 
surprised; "there is only one copy, Mulder."

"There is a shortness of papers in the FBI? Or is it a cheap way of 
teambuilding? Read a case file with your partner and discuss the cases 
in the back. How well do you know your partner? Interesting prospect. 
Anyway, you look through it first and I'll pick it up in the 
afternoon, is that fair to you, Scully?"

Half-turning she hid her face from his hard eyes, suddenly too tired 
to focus on anything anymore. "Fine, whatever, Mulder."

The silence that fell upon them filled the air around them with bitter 
tension, it was starting to drain her, never had she expected Mulder 
and her would reach this point. Always believing their friendship and 
love counted for something, that it would be on another level than her 
previous relationships, but she had been wronged. Compared to this 
other relationships had been like walking on roses.

He left without another word and with the case file.

Slipping into her pyjamas, she realised how exhausted she really was, 
it had been close to a week without a full night of sleep. Her cramped 
position in the chair beside Mulder's hospital bed had done little to 
her health and satisfaction of her unborn baby. Sliding into bed she 
groaned in pain, her back was beyond sore it was aching with pain. 
Stretching out her foot started to cramp, Jesus her body was falling 
apart these days. The joys of an expecting mom!

Turning to her side, she placed a spare pillow between her legs; it 
relieved some of the pressure and allowed her to relax. Closing her 
eyes and exhaling deeply she willed her thoughts to slow down, and 
after taking a few deep breaths she controlled her breathing into a 
deep slow pattern. Breathing in through her nose and all the way down 
to her stomach, and then exhaling slowly through her mouth, it 
released some of her stress but her head was still working on 
overload. Focusing on her toes, she began to feel every single toe and 
stretched them lazily, moving to her ankles she repeated the gesture. 
Her body felt fine up till her lower back, gentle hands massing her 
sore spots would be heaven, in her dreams. Accepting the pain and 
soreness, her focus moved on and feeling the insisting movements in 
her abdomen her spirit was lifted. She loved her baby and would move 
heaven and earth for it, sacrifice her own happiness for her miracle. 
A smile tugged at her lips when she finall
 y was rewarded with a peaceful blackness behind her eyes.

All too quickly, her peace was interrupted; a painful pressure on her 
bladder forced her to awake fully. There never was much time to reach 
the bathroom these days; often it was a matter of seconds. It was 
worse in the mornings her nap must have tricked her body into morning 
habits.

In the bathroom she stripped naked, a hot bath would do wonder to her 
back and prolonging her relatively relaxed state of mind. Gliding into 
the hot water she controlled her breathing again, needing a moment of 
quietness before dealing with the uncertainty and anger between her 
and Mulder again. She wasn't ready to give him up, never had and 
hoping she never would be. But her fear of losing him was driving her 
mad.
                
The cooling of the water left Goosebumps on her skin and refreshed 
from bath and sleep Scully stepped out of the tub. Smoothing her 
special lavender oil onto her skin, she hoped it would do the wonders 
to her skin all pregnant women prayed for. With her skin still 
slightly moist from the oil she decided to dry off before taking any 
clothes on.

Leaving the bathroom she was almost knocked down by Mulder.

"Mulder" she gasped with a heart beating from chock.

His face turned into his panic face, "God...Scully!" He choked.

"What are you doing here, Mulder" Worried, she studied his face, it 
was the first time he saw her naked pregnant body and she couldn't 
help but fear his resentment. Being very disciplined about her eating 
habits her weight was perfectly acceptable, she had gained the extra 
weight needed for the baby and nothing more. Everybody told her she 
was very lucky, and she was. She was carrying the child she only dared 
dreaming of and she had gotten Mulder back. Well a sort of back.

Mulder's eyes traced her body from head to toe, finally his eyes 
settle on her breasts, lingering there. His breathing became heavier. 
"Huh, I came with the file; you didn't answer the door or your cell 
phone. I used my key." He waved the key in the air and removed his 
eyes to briefly meeting hers.

"I was taking a bath."

"So I see, Scully." His eyes moved to her bedroom door, quickly he 
scanned the room.

"Looking for something, Mulder?" His behaviour annoyed and puzzled 
her, she really couldn't tell what he kept searching for whenever he 
was around her.

"Just checking to see if somebody was stealing your supply of pyjamas, 
or perhaps you've become a nudist. I doubt you've turned into one of 
those dancers from the tapes which aren't mine."

Passing him she willed her temper, "sure, Mulder, women in my state of 
pregnancy is highly regarded as nude dancers if you will excuse me my 
customer is waiting in the closet. I was waiting for the oil on my 
skin to dry. I don't think I will offend anyone, Mulder, after all, 
I'm in my own apartment with all the privacy I want. Besides that the 
air feels good. I hope, I didn't appal you with my extra weight, 
Mulder, but if I do remember correctly, you're the intruder."

"I've better words than appalling for you."

"What did you say, Mulder"

"Huh, nothing. Scully did you read the file?"

Finding a pair of panties that wasn't huge as a house she slipped them 
over her tights, resting low of her hips, they didn't bother her 
abdomen. "No, Mulder, you never gave me the chance. So far, I haven't 
learned to long distance read the cases, so no. But I'm sure you will 
tell me if there is something to say about the case."

Surprisingly, he sat on her bed and studied her while she got dressed, 
he never looked horrified with the sight of her naked body but it was 
impossible to read his thoughts. His willingness to be around her in 
her glory of pregnancy touched her and her eyes filled with tears. 
Bowing her face, she hid them from him she had always been emotional 
but nothing like now.

"Timmy and Sarah have been married for five years but only managed to 
bring a pregnancy so far by now, they have had help with this 
pregnancy, it have taken several treatments and Sarah has miscarried 
four times already. The last time in her 30th week, the baby was still 
born. Timmy and Sarah never saw the baby. Most of the parents losing 
their babies in the hands of Dr. Sellers have been treated for 
infertilities and have miscarried more than once. Is that normal, 
Scully? Is there a higher risk of loosing babies created in a lab?"

Fully dressed, she turned to face him, "there is always a risk of 
miscarriage, most people doesn't know how often a pregnancy ends in a 
miscarriage, because it happens so early that the woman hasn't 
realised she is with child, yet. With fertility treatments the 
challenge is to get the harvested eggs to find residence in the 
uterus, it often fails. And the embryo appears be more fragile than 
normally conceived ones."

Licking her lips, she saw his head staring to spin, "my baby is fine, 
Mulder. I'm fine."

"I don't think Dr. Seller is the good fairy of unborn children, 
Scully, I think he plays God."

"Let's see what he says tomorrow, Mulder. Do you want something to 
drink?"

"No!"

Sighing, she wondered what was going on in his head, "I would like to 
check your chest to see if it have healed completely or if it need any 
special attention. I would also like to check your pupils for 
dilations."

Getting up from her bed, he rapidly answered her, "it will have to 
wait. I'm on my way out. See you in the morning, I'll pick you up."

Again, he was gone before she had a chance to respond. It was getting 
a bad habit of his.  Again, she had no idea of what was going on 
behind the beautiful eyes of his, except for the few glimpses of 
sorrow and confusion, he allowed her to see for brief moments. It was 
like trying to read a closed book, knowing that the book would answer 
all the questions you ever had asked, if you only knew how to open it.

Mulder called from the car when he arrived the next morning, another 
new habit of his. Steeling herself for another emotional exhausting 
day around Mulder, Scully slipped into her coat and placed the weapon 
in her left pocket after checking it was secured. It was dangerous to 
carry her weapon in her pocket and difficult to get hold of it in a 
haste, but their cover would slip if she carried it normally, an 
appointment with your obstetrician meant bare skin in your hip area, 
not the best starting point for secretly carrying a weapon.

Safely down on the sidewalk, she climbed into the car. "Morning, 
Mulder." She greeted with more joy than she carried.

"Scully." He acknowledged. "I did some background checking last night, 
Dr. Sellers never stays in the same hospital for more than a few 
months. He was listed in 80 hospitals. That's a record I would say."

"Yeah, I know. I did some checking too, he graduated in 1941 from a 
hospital in Germany, under the name Heinrich Scheller. He joined the 
Nazi party in 1939 and since his graduation all records of him have 
disappeared, until he applied for his American medical licence in 1946 
under the name Henry Seller. He has been working with genetic 
manipulation it was all I could find. All records of his work were 
empty."

Rolling out from the parking lot Mulder gazed in her direction, like 
always on a case his eyes were amused and alert, "somebody is 
protection Dr. Seller's work. And hiding his age, I saw him listed as 
62."

Feeling the tears forming in her eyes, she turned her face away from 
him, the growing pain in her chest made it hard to breath and the 
dryness in her throat prevented her from screaming her hurt into his 
face. Had their love ever meant anything to him? If how could he act 
this indifferent to her now?

"Yeah:" She managed to choke out. He ignored her reply and turned the 
radio on; it was the traffic channel. He played it safe, she thought.

The morning traffic was impossible and they seemed to hit every red 
light on their way, stopping for another red light a few minutes from 
the hospital Mulder remembered something and reached into his pocket.

"Skinner sent them yesterday." He handed her a shiny object. A simple 
gold ring.

Holding the ring between her fingers she hesitated, it was the second 
time she wore a wedding ring, faking marriage to Mulder. First time 
had been difficult, today all she felt was defeat and aversion. It was 
another lie, another wall between her and Mulder. Feeling his stare on 
her, she gave him a glare through the corners of her eyes. He was 
wearing his ring already.

"It's the same ring, the same conditions, nothing to bind you down, 
Scully."

His hoarse voice made her jump in the seat. She needed no ring to be 
bound down, she thought sadly. Giving the ring a last stare she 
slipped it down her finger, it fitted perfectly. A wedding ring 
belonging to the Bureau fitted her perfectly, wasn't it ironic?

"What else can a girl ask for?" She replied emotionless. Getting no 
answer, she studied her hands.

After parking the car, he gentlemanly stepped out and helped her out 
and his hand supported her by the elbow on the short walk to the 
entrance, another new habit. They had spent 30 minutes together and 
she already felt emotionally vulnerable. He held the doors for her and 
let her walked into the elevator first, all the normal things husbands 
did for their wives and she would have cherished it, if it was 
followed with a warm glare or a soft smile but it wasn't. In fact his 
eyes were everywhere but on her.
                 
In Dr. Seller's waiting room Mulder helped her into a soft chair and 
after patting her hair awkwardly, he stalked up to the admitting 
nurse, a long legged blond thing. Over the cover of a magazine, Scully 
closely studied Mulder's interaction with the woman. He wore a 
charming smile and politely chatted with the awful young nurse. She 
hang on to every word he said like women normally did, but something 
was amiss in his behaviour, his eyes were dull and he acted like he 
was on autopilot. Soon he returned to Scully's side.

"Miss Sullivan promised we will be next:"

"Apparently, Mulder, we are the only ones waiting." Her eyes rolled on 
their own will.

Chuckling, he added, "what I meant was that they're on schedule, it 
should only take a couple of minutes."

"Fine!" Returning to her magazine she studied his face, he hadn't 
changed a bit in the time he had been abducted. If only she could 
reach out and caress his lips and cheeks, if only he wasn't so 
distant.

"Nervous, Sarah?" He caught her ogling, expecting him to look the 
nurse out she had done nothing to hide her stare from him.

 "You know I am, Timmy. You know how much I want this baby." Keeping 
in role, she took his hand in hers and squeezed it softly, locking 
eyes with him, she almost believed she caught a glimmer of honest 
concern.
       
Caressing her hand, he said reassuringly, "everything will be fine, 
Sarah. Don't you worry."

Breaking the eye contact, he discretely scanned the room, exhaling, 
she shook off her disappointment and followed his example. She found 
three surveillance cameras, being under observation it would be wise 
to remember their roles. Smiling warmly, she leaned in and 
affectionately kissed the corner of his mouth, oh it was heaven to 
feel the softness of his full lower lip and breathing in his scent. 
"Thank you, darling" she smiled.

Freezing, Mulder's eyes found hers, confusion and longing waved over 
his face before he slyly retorted, "No need to thank me, sweetheart."

Her heart missed a beat at his last word, neither of them called the 
other 'darling' or 'sweetheart' it wasn't who they were but at this 
moment it felt like a caress, the only thing she had of his former 
love for her. A tear rolled down her chin, with his thumb he gently 
smoothed it away.

The moment was broken when nurse Sullivan called their name and begged 
them into Dr. Seller's office. His hand on her elbow felt warmer on 
the short walk to the doctor's office, the doctor was a man in his 
early eighties, the years hadn't been good to him, he was ball and 
weighted way too much. There was a heavy smell of cigarette smoke 
around him. Disgusted, Scully met the man's approving but cold eyes. 
Without a word Mulder moved his arm from her elbow to around her 
shoulder and pressed her against him, possessively he placed a kiss at 
her temple. Mulder was clearly pissing of his territory, he, too, had 
noticed how the doctor's eyes ran up and down Scully's body.

"Mr. and Mrs. Richmond welcome, I'm Dr, Seller. Please take a seat." 
He pointed to two chairs in front of his desk. Reading the journal on 
his desk he continued, "Mrs. Richmond you're in your trimester with a 
due date in eight weeks. Oh, it's been a difficult pregnancy, that's 
why you were appointed to me by your own obstetrician. Have you 
experienced bleeding since the incident recorded in your fifth month?"

Finding Mulder's hand, they shared a long worried look, "huh, yes two 
days ago. Once in the morning and once in the evening. I have been on 
bed rest since then. We..." Wiping her eyes she kept silence.

"What my wife tried to say was that we lost a baby last year, it was 
still born." Mulder continued.

Studying the doctor through her hand, Scully saw the suddenly and 
fleeting glimmer of attention in the doctor's eyes, it could easily be 
mistaken for greed, Scully shuddered. Protectively, she moved her hand 
from her eyes and placed it on her stomach, a small kick almost made 
her smile until she remembered where she was.

"Do you think something is wrong Dr. Seller?"

Mulder moved closer to her and encircled his arm around her shoulder, 
taking full advantaged of the situation, she grabbed his hand harder 
and moved it to the swollenness of her stomach. Immediately his body 
went rigid and his breathing became hollow, meeting her eyes he took a 
deep breath and relaxed. Playing the role he even rubbed her friendly.

"I hope not Mrs. Richmond, I will give you an ultrasound examination. 
But first I will ask you and your husband a few questions."

He waited for their attention and Mulder nodded his head in agreement.

 "Is there any hereditary diseases or defects in your families, on 
both sides?"

"No, none I can think of." Mulder answered.

"Good, are there any cases of schizophrenia or manic-depressive in 
your bloodlines?"

"No, do you know any cases, darling?" Scully asked enjoying the 
situation.

Giving her a bemused glare Mulder shook his head.

"Oh, good. Any heavy drinkers?"

"No."

"Very, very good." The malicious glint was back in the doctor's eyes, 
"let's get you up on the examination table, Mrs. Richmond. Nurse 
Sullivan will help you undress."

"It won't be necessary, Dr. Seller, I can easily pull my tee-shirt 
up." Scully stood up and took off her coat and cardigan.

 Mulder's eyes flew to the door and then to the window like he was 
looking for an escape way, finally they landed on her belly, sucking 
in his lower lip, he pulled himself together and stood up as well.

"Mr. Richmond, please take the chair on the left side of the 
examination table" Dr. Seller walked to the sink and washed his hands.

Laying flat on her back Scully studied the ceiling, it would take all 
her willpower to let Dr. Seller touch her, he repulsed her and worst 
she felt her baby was in danger. Shuddering, she protected her stomach 
with both her hands and communicated to her baby not to worry. Maybe 
Mulder sensed her inner storms or maybe he just played the role but 
anyhow, he placed a warm hand above her right hand. Wordlessly, 
communicating he was here. Locking eyes with him he calmed her down, 
she wasn't alone.

"Please, place your hands down your sides, Mrs. Richmond. First, I 
will feel the baby's size and position with my hands before I give you 
the ultrasound scanning."

Mulder kept her hand in his when she did what she was told to do. 
Relieved, she exhaled and started to follow every move the doctor 
made. He seemed pleased with the baby's size momentarily, before he 
replaced the calculated look with a slightly worried look. He offered 
no explanations or any assurances, he simply place the scanning devise 
on her stomach and started to move it around. Scully turned all her 
focus to the monitor.

Beside her, she heard Mulder's sharp intake of air when the baby 
became visible on the screen. Switching her focus, she enjoyed the 
first real contact Mulder had with her baby, he was so beautiful 
sitting here with shock and awe clearly written all over his face. For 
once he was stunned. Momentarily, their eyes met, never had she 
witness such softness in them before, she hoped her eyes passed all 
the love she felt for him and that he would believe in her love.

 "Ahem" Dr. Seller caught their attention. "Mr. and Mrs. Richmond, 
there is no easy way saying this, and I'm very sorry, but I'm not 
detecting a heartbeat."

"Oh no. Please no!" Scully cried. Mulder turned from the doctor to 
her, "Oh God, Sarah." He whispered hugging her tightly.

"I'm sorry. I'll have to examine your wife further, Mr. Richmond. My 
nurse will follow you to another examination room were we can know for 
sure and do what must be done."

A ring cut through the air, it was the phone on the desk, "if you will 
excuse me, it must be urgent. The doctor paddled to the desk and 
lifted the receiver to his ear. "Yes, Miss Sullivan... ah, I see."

"Mr. and Mrs. Richmond, I'm so sorry but I must attend to a difficult 
birth, my nurse will give you another appointment tomorrow." Without 
waiting for their answer he left.

With a quick gaze they agreed to stay in role, Mulder helped her down 
from the examination table and into her clothes, while she scanned the 
room and found two cameras, weakly she leaned into his chest "there 
are two cameras, Mulder."

Patting her back, he loudly said, "it will be all right, sweetheart. 
Are you ready?" Scully stepped back and turned around, still she kept 
her head bowed like she was crying. Mulder placed his hand lightly on 
her lower back and together they walked out of the room. The wave of 
happiness and belonging rushing through her warmed her body up, and 
absentmindedly she leaned deeper into his hand, wanting more of him. 
She had missed him for so long and this was the first familiar 
touchstone, he offered her since he noticed her growing abdomen. She 
wanted to make most of it.

In respond, he moved his hand in soothing small circles; she doubted 
the cameras would catch the small movements on the monitors. "Sarah, 
wait over there I will make the appointment." Understanding she walked 
close to the entrance door, standing with her back to Mulder she had a 
perfect view over the door and the area behind it. She kept her hand 
in her pocket.

Feeling Mulder's hand on her back again she opened the door, in 
silence they walked to the car. Mulder held the door for her and 
closed it behind her. She was grateful for his help it was getting 
harder and harder to close the door by herself, if only she didn't 
have to open it so widely every time.

"What was that about, Mulder?"

"I don't think the call was about delivering a baby, Scully. I think 
someone got suspicious about us. I just can't figure out why or who." 
Pausing he faced her, "is your baby ok, Scully?"

"My baby is fine, Mulder. Dr. Seller had turned the sound off the 
heartbeat is strong, I saw it on the monitor."

Taking his hand, she placed it on a moving spot on her stomach, "feel 
the kicking, Mulder, it's a leg. The baby is active as ever. 
Fortunately, it slept through the ultrasound scanning it would've been 
difficult for Dr. Seller to explain how a moving baby could be death."

His face glowed with awe and something she couldn't read, but it was 
similar to regret, "does it hurt, Scully?"

"It doesn't hurt but it can get a little uncomfortable sometimes, 
nothing to complain about."

Mulder withdraw his arm and slipped the car into drive, this time he 
didn't turn the radio on and the air around them was lighter. Neither 
said a word until they found an empty parking lot in front of her 
building.

"Come on up with me, Mulder."

In her apartment Scully pulled her weapon out of her pocket before she 
took off her coat, giving both to Mulder who just stood and looked 
around the corners of her apartment.

"Will you store my weapon in the bedroom? You know where I keep it. 
I'll make my long overdue morning coffee."

"It's a bit late for morning coffee, Scully?"

"Yeah, I was running late!"

Keeping her hands on her lower back she padded into the kitchen. She 
had spent most of the night thinking about Mulder and occasionally the 
case, the strain between them was taking its toll on her and it wasn't 
good for the baby. She heard the distant sounds of Mulder using her 
bathroom.

Scully was sitting on the couch with a cup of steamy coffee in her 
hands, her eyes closed but hearing the muffled steps of Mulder, she 
opened them and turned her head. He was standing behind the couch 
looking at her in question, in his hands he had a toothbrush and some 
shaving tackles. Lifting an eyebrow, she hissed, "what Mulder?"

"Scully, either have you started to shave recently or you like to hold 
on to old things?"

"I like old things, Mulder!" Shrugging her shoulders, she turned her 
head back to her coffee.

Mulder walked around the couch and sat next to her, "these are my old 
stuff, if I'm not mistaken?" He watched her closely, suddenly he had 
no problem being in the same room with her or keeping eye contact for 
more than a few seconds.

"They are."

His eyes flicked with several different emotions, it was impossible to 
read them all. "Why have you kept them, Scully?"

"The same reason why I kept your apartment, Mulder." She wasn't making 
it easy for him.

"I was wondering about that too, thought my money hasn't been 
transferred to you yet?"

Staring into his eyes, she wondered what he was thinking, "the 
transfer was completed two months ago, I've asked my lawyer to 
retransfer all your accesses back to you. You've money in the bank 
again, Mulder."

"I don't understand?"

Exhaling, she licked her lips; "you really don't have a clue, do you, 
Mulder?"

"No!"

Closing her eyes in disbelieve, she rubbed her eyes with two fingers. 
"Mulder, do you believe I sat at your hospital bed out of duty? That I 
searched for you until I found you out of duty? Or that I kept staying 
with you at the hospital after you woke out of duty? Do you honestly 
believe that?"

"Huh, well not at first. I felt so blessed, when I saw you face after 
opening my eyes and so lucky when I saw your smile and tears. But you 
never answered my question if I had been missed and then I saw your 
enlarged belly."

"And what, Mulder?" She couldn't believe her ears, could he be so 
blind after all they been through.

"I..huh." He stopped.

"You thought I had moved on, that I had replaced you and become 
pregnant the moment you were out of sight?" She drawled.

"Maybe." He admitted.

Raising her eyebrow, she repeated, "Maybe?"

When he said nothing but looked sheepishly at her, she shook her head. 
"You honestly believe the first thing I did, after learning about your 
abduction, was to become pregnant. Lying in my hospital bed I thought, 
what the hell, there are other fishes in the water. You don't have 
high thoughts of me, Mulder. After all, you should know me better than 
that." She was angry now.

"Huh, I've high thoughts of you, Scully."

"So I see. Do you know how far I'm in my pregnancy? Seven months. Do 
the math, Mulder."

Zipping her coffee, she saw the wheels turning in his head. "you, you 
were pregnant in Oregon. That was why you were ill. How did it happen, 
Scully?"

Rolling her eyes, she asked, "have you heard about the birds and the 
bees, Mulder? I thought you had learned something from those tapes 
which aren't yours."

"Scully!" He chuckled, "I know my biology in that area." Becoming 
serious he added, "I just wonder how it happened? You know what I 
mean."

"I do, and I don't know, Mulder. It's just too amazing to understand."

The confused and worried look in his face was replaced with wonder and 
happiness. "A baby, Scully, a baby. Our baby!"

Locking eyes with him, she saw the love and peace in his eyes, in a 
swift motion he took the cup out of her hand and lifted her up on her 
feet and encircled her in his arms. Hugging her tightly, he whispered 
into her ear: "Thank you, Scully. If this is how I'm greeted after a 
longer period of absent I'll leave more often."

"Yeah, but you do know there is Skinner and my attraction to him to 
consider, don't you?"

Finding her mouth, his lips brushed her with a wild intensity, 
instantly parting her lips she welcomed his tongue into her mouth. The 
texture of his lips against hers, and the hungry pressure they met her 
neglected lips with were sweet and toxic, it was a fading memory only 
kept alive by dreams and fantasies blossoming in remembrance coming 
alive. It was by far better in reality compared to the stored memory 
afraid to be forgotten, she had carried for so long. For endless 
nights, she had held on to sweet memories that had started to fade; 
hands she remembered the size of but the feeling of their touch to her 
skin was slipping away. His special scent easily smelled in dreamland 
was difficult to recall in the middle of the day and only in the early 
hours of dawn, her lips would soften in responds to a lover's kiss, 
shaping into meeting Mulder's lips in an unanswered hunger of longing 
and loss.

Her body more efficient in remembering than her mind remembered 
instantly, a rainbow of colours and feelings shot through her body 
into the core of her very existence, where past and present melted 
together in hope and thanksgiving. All her senses brought to lives by 
one meeting with his lips sent her body into shock, the wave of 
multiplied pleasures dizzied her, leaning fuller into him to find 
grounding, she deepened the kiss. The well-known, and oh so sweet, 
dance of their tongues steadied her and brought her back into his 
arms. Mulder was all the grounding she needed and wanted. With a new 
attentiveness her senses breathed him in and her heart welcomed him 
home, for the first time truly believing he was here and back with 
her. That his love for her hadn't died somewhere above the skies of 
the world they fought for.

Pushing back, he rested his forehead against her forehead; "I think we 
can forget about Skinner."

"Absolutely. Take me to bed, Mulder!"

"Anytime, Scully."

    
In her bedroom Mulder paused to look at her, his warm, greedy eyes 
studied her roughly. Seeing the astonishment washing over his face, 
Scully took his hand, lifting up in her shirt she placed his hand 
right above their child. "It's ok to touch, Mulder. We won't break or 
get hurt."

Letting go of the breath he held, his hand wandered in small soft 
caresses over the roundness of her belly, feeling the responds he 
received a smile covered his face and made it glow. Stepping closer, 
he buried his head in her hair, taking a deep breath his hand glided 
to her breast, brushing her nipple before he cupped her breast in his 
big hand. She trembled lightly her nipples were hypersensitive in her 
pregnancy.

"You kept me sane, it was you who kept my alive all those months, 
Scully. I wanted to see you again, to touch you again."

"I know Mulder, I saw you in my dreams." She whispered back.

Her hands found the back of his head and pressed his face down to be 
at level with hers, claiming his lips in a deep and soft kiss, her 
need to re-bond on all levels and pass the depths of her love to him 
controlled her feverish arousal for him. Knowing it was only one level 
of her love for him, she pushed the urgency into the background. There 
had been too much urgency and fear in their lives together, now, she 
wanted, needed to bring a new start into their lives. A new beginning 
where gentleness and passion dominated their love over fear of being 
discovered and running out of time. Today, the world was theirs and 
their love for each other all that mattered. Today, no thoughts of 
tomorrow were welcomed or acknowledged, she wouldn't allow it.

Feeling the change in her Mulder willed his painful erection into 
control, the scared part of him wanted to take her fast and hard 
afraid their moment would be stolen, before he had the chance to 
express his love to her. It was how their love life had started, 
urgent and passionate. Now, wanting something to hold on to, wanting 
to open up for the light he slowed down, pushing his fear aside he 
sealed their pact in a new and more life-giving way. He bid the 
urgency farewell and opened his heart up for a deeper love, a love 
which could break him down, destroy him in the wrong hands but this 
was Scully. Leaving the fear behind their love became gentle and 
profound. Forgetting the darkness of the world he kissed her back.
 
Breaking the kiss, she realised he was hovering over her naked body in 
the bed, how they had gotten there was a puzzle, everything happened 
in a fog. Breathing in deeply her body glowed from arousal, more than 
ready to meld into his. Closing her eyes briefly, she lingered in how 
he felt and smelled; it was overwhelming but she willed her senses to 
stay alert, wanting to remember everything.

"Roll over, Mulder." She whispered. Obediently, he rolled over and 
taking her with him. Straddling him she felt herself drowning in his 
eyes, in the love they expressed. His eyes had always been the mirror 
of his soul.

Suddenly, feeling vulnerable she whispered hoarsely: "Do you want me, 
Mulder?"

Pulling her head down to his, he looked deeply into her eyes, "always. 
You've never been more attractive to me than you are now. It's our 
baby inside your body, Scully. I want you!"

Repositioning her, Mulder guided her to fell how much he wanted and 
desired her. Their eyes remained locked when she lowered her opening 
down to meet his hardness, their joining silenced the world around 
them and everything but them stopped to exist. Eyes communicating that 
the love shared was on a deeper and more pure level than any simple 
physic love could ever be. Every thrust of their bodies healed a 
broken wing, a broken heart and replaced them with faith and hope. 
Life was for the living and they had been given a second chance, the 
child growing in her body was a proof of that.

Much later their peaceful slumber was broken by Mulder's cell phone, 
patiently she waited until he had finished his conversation with their 
boss.

"What did Skinner want, Mulder?"

"There has been a fire at the hospital in Dr. Seller's office. There 
is nothing left, no files and no trace of the doctor."

Lifting the cover, she started to get out of the bed, she was pulled 
back into his arms; "Skinner told us to stay away, nothing validates 
the involvement of FBI and since we're not on duty we can not come 
near the hospital now. The case is closed and Dr. Seller goes free."

"Mulder, we didn't really have anything on Dr. Seller."

"Except that he wanted to kill our baby, Scully. I say Dr. Seller was 
continuing his genetic manipulation on humans, Scully. I think he 
steels unborn babies all over the county."

Sighing, she nodded her head, "I think you're right, Mulder. But we'll 
never know for sure now. Someone knew we were on the case, I just 
wonder who."

"Yeah."

Refusing to accept the darkness access to their private cocoon, she 
turned her head and found his lips. Tomorrow they would deal with the 
world again, tonight belonged to them. This was the homecoming she had 
dreamed of and prayed for.

The End