From: Spock Date: 15 Feb 2003 02:55:57 -0800 Subject: NEW: The Hot Sex Fairy (1/1) PG-13 Source: atxc Title: The Hot Sex Fairy Author: Spock Category: Scully UST, MSR, AU Rating: PG-13 Spoilers: None, really, set in Season 9 Disclaimer: Don't own Mulder, Scully or William, CC owns 'em, nor do I own The Hot Sex Fairy chain letter Summary: Scully is a little frustrated, and the chain letter she receives isn't helping. Author's note: I was inspired by The Hot Sex Fairy Email I received a few days ago, and decided to blatantly use it for my own purposes. If it's been done, I do humbly apologize...but it just spoke to me, and said: Use me! Feedback: always appreciated at spockdaggoo@yahoo.co.uk The Hot Sex Fairy Dana Scully's apartment Georgetown Sunday evening, 8pm William had finally fallen asleep, his cheeks flushed and wet from crying. Scully sat on the edge of her bed, looking at the crib. She was totally wasted. Beyond wasted. All her bones seemed to crack, all her joints seemed to pop and she was exhausted beyond anything she had ever experienced before. And now that the baby was out like a light, it was quiet time, time to read that book, time to watch that film, time to do the laundry, time to have sex with your lover. Yeah, right! She pushed that last thought aside, far, far aside, and leaned back in the bed. Sad. Angry. Exhausted. Frustrated. Alone. Antsy as hell and not getting any. Greatness all around. Terrific. The clock was ticking on the wall in the kitchen, she could hear it quite clearly. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Fuck. William's sudden snortle made the sound disappear. She got up and checked on the baby, briefly forgetting her exhaustion. Was William okay? That question lingered and lingered in the back of her mind continuously, and it had given her a dull, ever-present headache. His eyes were closed and a smile was tugging at the corners of his mouth. Little Mulder. She smiled, but her thought slyly drifted to BIG Mulder.Why was BIG Mulder not there? The man could give a her a back rub, a foot massage and a terrific lay. Goddamnit. She blinked back tears and looked around the room. She missed him. She always missed him. Constantly. What was there that reminded her of Mulder? It was HER comforter on the bed, HER books on that shelf, HER posters on the wall. The only thing she had of HIM was little William. She looked down at her little baby boy, emitting the faintest of baby snores, and she had to touch the side of his plump face. Mulder's little baby, the most important thing of all. She shouldn't reproach Mulder for not being there. She had asked him to leave. The stupid fucking idiot she had been, she had begged him to go. X-Files Office Monday afternoon Doggett and Reyes were squabbling about a case she had little interest in. It was another monster case, which held no meaning for her current self. All she could think about was the way Mulder's back muscles flexed as he mounted her and rode her to oblivion. She had a feeling Agents Doggett and Reyes were getting it on, whilst she, she just kept on pining. She had sent Mulder a picture of his son, hoping he would have the chance to check his email and see how his baby was growing. She hoped to hear from him soon, she checked her email religiously, and there she was again, at her desk, perched in front of her laptop, ready to be disappointed. New mail. Scully opened her mail box in trepid anticipation. Chain mail. The most disappointing mail she ever could have received. Old college friends kept bugging her with the things. Could they never stop? Damn that Elaine. She glared at the layout. Angrily she focused on the text. 1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth. It was a get-sex chain letter. Christ. She sighed and moved to turn off her laptop, but something made her continue reading, maybe thinking of sex would alleviate the pain? What was she thinking? She was at the office...with Doggett and Reyes just a few feet away? Not a snowball's chance in hell, it would, she chided to herself. BIG Mulder came crashing into her senses, and she longed to be consumed by his need. She had closed her eyes at the thought of him, closed her eyes and pictured him there, groaning out her name as he came inside her. She opened her eyes and glared at the cool blue of the screen, and reread the first paragraph. 1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth. Scully briefly looked at the dry patches on the back of her hand, the way the skin there could chip away at any given moment. She really needed to apply that hand lotion more often, but she couldn't bother with it. Her tiredness barring her from the most miniscule of activities that didn't involve caring for William. She washed her hands too often, but she had to, taking care of an infant, what was she to do? Plus, there was her job, slicing and dicing corpses. Yeehaa! She sighed regretfully and read on, her hair finding that exact moment to droop over her face, lifeless and without its usual boyancy. God, she missed him. God, she was frustrated. God, according to this godforsaken email, she really needed his body. 2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow. Fuck. She didn't want to read this, goddamnit all to hell. Why wasn't Mulder at home with her? Why? Why did she ask him to leave? What on earth had possessed her to ask him to leave her and William? She missed his sweat, goddamnit. She missed the smell of him. She missed the way he made her glow... 3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner. When had they ever shared a romantic dinner? Never! She had lost weigth, gained weigth, lost, gained, and it was all because of him. 4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers! Stretches is right! Scully closed her eyes and imagined Mulder there, deep inside her, nudging her womb, stretching her as much as she would stretch. God, she prayed, bring him back home, safe. All of him. Intact and ready for her. 5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being. How many times had she cried into her pillow, because she missed him? How many? She felt utterly empty, a hollow shell, and she was depressed, there was no doubt about that whatsoever. The work held little meaning, the cases seemed so blas without him, and she had never felt so lonely in her entire life. But this letter was full of shit. If she went out and got herself laid with some guy, she would be even more miserable than ever. She didn't want anyone else than her baby's father. He was the only one who could save her from her misery. 6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy! Bah! She wished she could have tested that theory, but now, in all likelihood, Mulder had been killed, and there was no way in hell she'd betray his memory and bed someone else. 7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM. He really put the whammy on her. The few times he had showed her what the male anatomy was designed for, she had practically fainted, it had been so good. 8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up. Dear Lord, what was sex NOT good for? She'd give her molars to have him back safe and sound, and hot and steamy. Tooth cleanliness was just a bonus. God, how she missed kissing him, it felt so good to kiss Mulder, and it was heaven to be kissed by him. 9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A Lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain. The pounding headache made itself known then. She suspected it had been there for a while, but her attention had been diverted elsewhere, to Mulder's strong thighs, pushing her wide for his easier access... 10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever. She wasn't allergic, but to loneliness. She sneezed at that. She read the last paragraph. This message has been sent to you for good luck in sex. The original is in a room in Palaiseau. It has been sent around the world nine times. Now sex has been sent to you. The "Hot Sex Fairy" will visit you within four days of receiving this message, provided you, in Turn, send it on. If you don't, then you will never receive good sex again for the rest of your life. You will eventually become celibate, and your genitals will rot and fall off. This is no joke! Send copies to people you think need sex (who doesn't?). Don't send money, as the fate of your genitals has no price. Do not keep this message. This message must leave your e-mail in 96 hours. Please send ten copies and see what happens in four days. Since the copy must tour the world, you must send it. This is true, even if you are not superstitious. GOOD SEX, but please remember: 10 copies of this message must leave your e-mail in 96 hours or you will not have good sex again for the rest of your Life!!!! She closed her laptop angrily. Such diatribe. Such utter nonsense. Who in their right mind would send HER something like this? Well, she knew, one of her college friends no doubt. Someone who knew she was going without. 'This is true, even if you are not superstitious'-that line could only be intended for her, couldn't it? Well, hell, she'd return the favor. She meticulously followed the instructions, and sent off ten copies of the letter to those same, old college friends. When she heard her colleagues say her name, she pressed 'send' with a smug smile tugging at her lips, and she closed her laptop and returned to the work, which truly was like pulling teeth without that tenor voice of BIG Mulder there, hurling wild theories at her. Scully's apartment Georgetown 8 pm Four days later There was a knock on the door. Scully was feeding William at the kitchen table. She made sure that the baby was well-strapped to his seat and she went to the door to open it. It was a tall, bearded man, wearing a smile she thought she'd lost forever. It was the man of her dreams, her phantom lover and life force, all wrapped into a cocoon of reeking, filthy clothes. "Mulder...", she gasped and flew into his embrace. "you're back!" "You sound surprised", he murmured into her ear and gave her lobe a licking. William started banging his spoon on the edge of the table. Mulder released her from his embrace and strode to the kitchen. "Hey, little guy", Mulder cooed and kneeled beside the baby. "William has missed his Daddy", she said placing her hand on his shoulder, forcing herself to allow him this moment with his son before she attacked his face and body. "What about Mommy? Has Mommy missed me, William?" William gurgled 'Dadadaa' "Have you taught him Russian?" She swatted at his lean and muscular arms, and her knees gave away. She sagged to the floor beside Mulder. "Scully!" She felt Mulder scoop her up off the floor. She felt like loose pizza batter. She hoped he would just put her on the bed, feed the baby and change the baby's diaper, and take a shower and join her in bed. "My Hot Sex Fairy", she mumbled into his ear as he carried her towards the bed. "What?" end