From: melpomene Date: 4 Jun 2004 04:20:00 -0700 Subject: New - How Do I Live by Melpomene NC-17 (1/1) **corrected rating** Source: atxc Title: How Do I Live Author: Melpomene Email: melpomene1013@yahoo.com Rating: NC17 Spoilers: Millennium Keywords: M/O, MSR, Angst Summary: How does she live now that Mulder has moved on? Author's Notes: I'd like to dedicate this to Christie for all her love and support, and to all the wonderful fanfic authors who've inspired me over the years. How Do I Live Hoover Building Basement Office February 1, 2000, 2:15 pm Scully fingered the cream velum card, tracing the black printing with one pink fingernail. *You are cordially invited to a dinner dance honoring Senator George Carolton on the event of his retirement, February 3, 2000.* She and Mulder had been invited along with the rest of the task force who had worked on a big case in Senator Carolton's home state of Maryland. Young women had been abducted in the Frederickburg area, their tortured bodies left in schoolyards. The case had put the final shine on Carolton's senatorial career when it was solved after he involved Mulder in the case. She'd initially fought against Mulder's involvment-- profiling murderers always took a terrible tole on her partner. But Skinner had insisted that Carolton wanted Mulder and that between Scully and himself, they'd have to keep Mulder safe and sane through the case. Mulder had solved the case, coming to a conclusion in his profile that no one could fathom, but he'd been right. The murderer had been caught and the last victim found alive. The positive media attention had allowed Carolton to take center stage as he was hailed as the man who brought in the renegade FBI profiler and drove a positive resolution to the case. Scully had been annoyed at Carolton taking all the credit, but Mulder was just pleased not to be dead center in the media frenzy. So, two weeks ago, she'd had mixed feelings on receiving the invitation to Carolton's retirement celebration. Much as she disliked the senator's attention seeking, it would be nice to dress up in a beautiful gown and go to the elegant hotel where the party was being held. It would also be wonderful to see Mulder in a tuxedo. Her partner was especially gorgeous in formal dress if she recalled correctly from the L'Ively case. Only that time, Mulder had been dancing with that bitch Phoebe Green. This time, Scully would have Mulder all to herself and after their New Years kiss, she looked forward to being in Mulder's arms again. Who knows--maybe this evening would lead to more kisses... sexier kisses. Scully was in love with her partner, blindingly, over-whelmingly in love and it scared her more than any monster she'd ever come across in her work. She couldn't remember exactly when she fell in love with him--maybe as early as that first case when he'd opened his heart to her. But getting too close to a co-worker was a risk Scully wasn't willing to take again, so she'd spent six years keeping her emotions in check. Now, apparently, that one kiss had left her terribly vulnerable. Last week, Scully had been uncharacteristically giddy when she went shopping for a dress for the dance. Normally, shopping for Scully was a careful, sober affair. She'd go into the store, grab three or four suits in her size and try them on without any fanfare. She'd choose the suit that fit the best, whose color didn't make her look too washed out and that would be the one she bought. The day she bought the shimmery silver-blue dress had been very different. She'd pictured herself as a princess, choosing a gown for the royal ball. In fact, the dress she chose had a rather lowcut top and a flowing full skirt and she did feel like a princess in it. It was like no other garment she'd ever worn. But Mulder hadn't actually asked her to the dance and now it was Thursday--only two days before the dance on Saturday. Scully knew he was going because he'd been complaining about having to get his tux back from the cleaners in time. But he hadn't formally asked her and she wondered if he just assumed they'd go together. That assumption didn't bother her, really. That was the way they did things, her and Mulder--casual and unplanned. They didn't go out on dates. Mulder would simply show up at her apartment with a six-pack and a movie, or they'd decide to get dinner after work. They hadn't repeated the New Years kiss, much to her disappointment. Though she hadn't been able to talk to him about it, that kiss had been the most wonderful one of her life. Scully decided to take charge of the situation. She was good at that when it came to work--shouting orders that she expected to be obeyed immediately. But when it came to personal matters, Scully was much less likely to exert her authority. New Years Eve she'd wanted to kiss Mulder back, push him against a wall and plunder his mouth, but she hadn't. But obviously now she needed to be more forceful. As soon as Mulder got back from picking up the fingerprint results from their last case, she was going to take the bull by the horns and ask him to the dance. "Hey Scully," Mulder called out as he returned to the room. "Looks like the fingerprints are a match after all." "Good," she answered. "That ought to tie up the last of the loose ends on this case." Mulder dropped the fingerprint analysis on his desk and dropped down into his chair. "As much as any of our cases get tied up, I guess." "Um...Mulder, I was wondering..." God, this was hard. She hadn't been this tongue-tied since she asked Marcus to the Winter Frolic back in high school. "About Senator Carolton's dinner dance...I was thinking maybe we could go together." "Scully..." Mulder began. He was extremely nervous, his eyes unable to meet hers, fidgeting with the papers on his desk. "I'm...ah...I'm going to Carolton's party with Agent Serence." "Oh." Great comeback, Scully, she thought to herself. "I'm sure you'll have a great time. Krystelle is a wonderful person." Scully turned back to her work, hoping that she hadn't revealed how upset she was. Mulder watched her cautiously. He tried to gauge whether she was angry. She was tapping hard at her keyboard, much harder than she needed to. Scully bit the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. How could he do this to her? How could he kiss her not even two months ago and then turn around and start dating someone else? Damn him. Obviously their kiss had meant a lot more to her than it did to him. They'd met Agent Serence on the Fredericksburg case. She'd been one of the few agents on the case who wasn't vaguely hostile to "Spooky" Mulder. Scully actually liked Krystelle Serence. There weren't a lot of women that Scully warmed up to, but Krystelle was really sweet and nice. And gorgeous, Scully thought. Of course, Mulder would be drawn to such a beautiful woman. With her long blonde hair and Victoria Secret lingerie model body, tons of agents were crazy about Krystelle. She was just the kind of woman Scully didn't like and the type that Mulder was attracted to. But Scully couldn't help but like the other woman. Maybe that had been because Krystelle had been engaged to Special Agent Craig Jennings. Krystelle had seemed so in love with Jennings. Scully had been very surprised to hear recently that the engagement was off. Mulder hadn't waisted much time asking Krystelle out. Scully tried to focus on her computer but the screen got blurry when tears filled her eyes. How humiliating. She wished a great hole would appear under her desk, swallowing her up. "I'm going to head out a little early," Scully said. It was only 4 o'clock, but she really couldn't stay at work a minute longer. "You okay?" Mulder asked, concerned. "Just a little headache," she answered as she grabbed her purse. "I'll see you in the morning." Mulder watched her go, sighing deeply. How the hell had he gotten in this much trouble anyway? All he'd been trying to do was help out Krystelle Serence and now Scully would probably never speak to him again, much less kiss him. He'd been going to his car one night the previous week when he'd found Krystelle crying in her car. Never a man who could pass by someone in trouble and not offer to help, he'd knocked on her window. Soon, they were at a neighborhood bar where she told Mulder how devastated she'd been when Craig Jennings had broken off their engagement. Krystelle wasn't sure why Craig had done it. Jennings had just gotten off a brutal murder case and Mulder suspected the man was suffering the kind of emotional pain Mulder was all to familiar with. Mulder could only hope that Jennings would come to his senses before Krystelle's heart was irrevokably broken. Krystelle was puzzled and terribly hurt and Mulder's heart ached for her. Her lovely face was tear-stained as she told Mulder how much she dreaded Senator Carolton's retirement dance. Everyone on the task force knew her engagement had been broken. She didn't want to go to the party, but her AD had made attendance mandatory as Skinner had done for Mulder and Scully. "Would it help if we went together?" Mulder had asked. He would have loved to ask Scully to the dance, but after her reaction to their kiss on New Years Eve, he'd been sure she'd say no. It had been a completely impulsive move that propelled him to lean over and press his lips to hers in the hospital waiting room. She'd kissed him back, and it had been amazing, though a little restrained. He'd hoped that the kiss would be a beginning for them, but Scully seemed content to forget it. Well, maybe she just wasn't interested in him like that. "Oh Mulder, that would be wonderful," Krystelle said, relief breaking over her lovely face. "Thank you, thank you." The day after he saw Krystelle, he knew he should have told Scully. He should have explained that Krystelle needed a friend right then. He should have asked Scully to come along with them and to save him lots of dances. He knew that Scully would understand--she was a very kind and generous person and she was fond of Krystelle. But something kept him from telling Scully. Maybe he was still hurt over what he perceived as her rejection on New Years Eve. Maybe he was just afraid that she wouldn't care--that she'd be glad to have him out of her hair. So, he didn't tell her and the days went by until two days before the party when she asked him. Scully had tried not to let him see how upset she was, but he wasn't fooled. She may have really had a headache, but it was due to him. The next day, Scully was all business when she got to work. She wasn't going to let Mulder know how much he'd hurt her. Scully had been apparently mistaken for the last few years when she thought that she and Mulder were growing closer and closer. Mulder must not have been feeling the same things that she did or he wouldn't have found another girl. Poor Krystelle, Scully thought. If only the other woman knew how hard Mulder was to deal with. Wait until the first time Mulder ditched her to chase some lights in the sky. Or put himself in some horribly dangerous situation in a crazy attempt to discover some truth. Let's see how long Krystelle puts up with that behavior. Scully made sure she had some errands to run that day, keeping her out of the basement as much as possible. She went down to forensics to confer with some of the technicians there on evidence from their current case. When she finally returned to the office, Mulder looked at her longingly. How could he have been so wrong, he wondered. He'd assumed Scully wasn't interested in him after her lukewarm reaction to his kiss, but if that was true, she wouldn't be this upset. "Scully," he said. "Why don't you come to the dance with Krystelle and me? I know Krystelle wouldn't mind." Was he insane she wondered. Tag along with him and his beautiful date? Great. Scully'd surely look like the bratty little sister trailing after the two gorgeous creatures. "Thanks, Mulder, but no." The day of the dance, Scully kept busy and away from the phone. She still had to pick up her shoes and get her hair done. One thing was for sure--she had to look her best tonight if only so she wouldn't be humiliated. Scully had called the salon the day before and asked to up her hair appointment for "the works." So an hour appointment turned into several as she had a massage, body wrap, facial, manicure and pedicure. Scully left the salon feeling much better. She had allowed the hairdresser to do something a little different--her hair was no longer the usual sleek bob, but softly curled around her face. Scully had to admit that it was very becoming. Scully went back to her apartment and found there were half a dozen messages from Mulder, all begging her to call him back. She just couldn't face his pity at her dateless status and erased them all. Glancing at the clock, Scully realized she would need to hurry if she didn't want to be late. She took out the lingerie she'd bought for the dance, back when she hoped the night might end with romance. Sighing, she slipped into the ice blue lace demi-bra and ice blue tiny little panties and then strapped on the matching garter belt. Carefully, she pulled on the sheer stockings and hooked the garters on to hold them up. Finally, she reached into the closet and pulled out her dress. She slipped it on and zipped it up, turning to look at herself in the full length mirror. She nodded at her reflection. This was as good as it got, she thought. The silver-blue material had a foil like shine to it and it made her eyes look even bluer than usual. The skirt was full and the halter top was cut into a low scoop, revealing a great deal of skin. Scully hoped everything stayed in place tonight. Spilling out of her dress would be even more humiliating than her partner taking another girl to the dance. Scully called a cab and went downstairs to wait for it to come. The sooner this awful night got started, the sooner it would be over. ******** Four Seasons Hotel Washington, DC February 3, 2000, 8:10 pm "Agent Scully!" AD Skinner walked the length of the lobby to meet Scully as she arrived. With his broad shoulders and narrow waist, her boss was very handsome in his tuxedo. "You look very beautiful," he said, admiringly. "Thank you, sir," she answered, blushing. "You look very distinquished yourself." "Is Agent Mulder parking the car?" Skinner asked, looking through the glass doors to the street. "I didn't come with Agent Mulder, sir." Scully studied the tip of her blue satin shoe as it peeked out from the voluminous material of her skirt. God, she hoped Skinner didn't probe more. She really didn't want to get into the whole miserable story. "Well," her boss said, sensing her discomfort. "Why don't we go into the dance." He took her arm and led her through the lobby to the ballroom where the dinner dance was being held. The dance was a very elegant affair, and much more formal than Scully had ever been to. They gave their names to a hotel employee who acted as announcer, booming each guest's name and official title. "Assistant Director Skinner," the announcer said as Skinner entered the room and decended the short staircase to the reception line. "Special Agent Dana Scully," the man announced. After carefully stepping down the staircase, she moved along the line, shaking hands and smiling at congressmen and dignitaries. "I'll get us something to drink," Skinner said as they reached the end of the line. Scully nodded her agreement and began to look around the room. "Special Agent Krystelle Serence." "Special Agent Fox Mulder." Scully turned as the names were announced and Krystelle and Mulder stood at the top of the stairs. *They look perfect together,* Scully thought miserably as she watched them decend the stairs together. Krystelle looked beautiful in an off-the-shoulder red sequined dress. Her blonde hair was arrainged in curls high on her head. Mulder looked amazing. He was beautiful in jeans and a t-shirt, handsome in a business suit, but he was stunning in formal wear. The sight of him almost brought tears to Scully's eyes, especially when she noted how perfectly matched Mulder and Krystelle were--both of them tall, slender and handsome. "Here you go, Agent Scully," Skinner said, handing her a glass of champagne. He looked like he wanted to ask her why Mulder was with someone else, but Skinner apparently thought twice about it and kept his questions to himself. They mingled around the reception area, drinking their champagne and chatting with the other FBI people. Scully was more grateful than she could express that her boss stuck with her. It made a bad situation a lot easier to handle. A band was playing--stuffy music to Scully's taste, but it fit this formal affair. "Would you like to dance?" Skinner asked, gesturing to the dance floor. Having finished with the receiving line, Mulder was out there with his arms around Krystelle. Scully watched as he leaned close to speak to the other woman. Krystelle laughed at whatever he said, her face lovely. "Thank you, sir," Scully answered. They moved to the dance floor and Skinner took her in his arms. Her boss was so solid, holding onto him felt like holding onto a mountain. Scully was afraid that without Skinner for support, she'd have fallen into a humiliating puddle by now. They moved around the dance floor and Scully found Skinner surprisingly light on his feet for such a large person. But how she wished she was dancing with Mulder instead. Skinner seemed to be watching something on the dance floor. As he guided her around, she caught a glimpse of what had caught his attention. Mulder and Krystelle were still dancing, but Krystelle was no longer laughing. Actually, she looked like she was on the verge of tears. Craig Jennings gaze stood at the edge of the dancers, a look of terrible pain on his face as he watched his former fiancee dance with Mulder. Krystelle's gaze never left him as he stared at her and Mulder. "What's going on, Scully?" Skinner asked, nodding toward Mulder and Krystelle. "I'm not sure, sir." Mulder and Krystelle had left the dance floor and were now talking to Jennings. Mulder stood by awkwardly, his eyes trying to be anywhere but on Jennings and Krystelle as the two stood toe to toe deep in conversation. Mulder seemed to be inching away from the other two. Krystelle was now fully in tears and Jennings was touching her face, tears in his eyes too. All around them, people were dancing and talking, oblivious to the drama unfolding in their midst. Only Scully, Skinner and Mulder seemed at all aware of the deep emotion occuring. The music had come to an end. Skinner and Scully watched Krystelle and Craig Jennings as they moved to the exit, his arm around her waist. "Assistant Director Skinner," Senator Carolton called out, "I'm so glad you could come. You too, Agent Scully. My, my, you certainly didn't look like this on the case, Ms. Scully. I don't think I would have been able to leave Silver Springs and come back to Washington if you had." Scully hadn't remembered Carolton being such a leering old gargoyle when he had come out to Silver Springs briefly to check on the progress of the case. Maybe he was drunk, but his concentration on her cleavage was making Scully nervous. "Scully?" Mulder tapped on her bare shoulder, sending shivers down her spine. "Would you like to dance?" Mulder was looking at her with such earnest need and she really did want to get away from Senator Carolton's wandering eyes. "Thank you, Mulder. That would be nice," she answered. He led her out onto the dance floor and put his arms around her. Though Skinner had felt like a mountain, Scully felt even more secure in Mulder's arms. He held her to him, and breathed in her wonderful scent. How could someone so strong feel so fragile in his arms? "What happened to your date, Mulder?" she asked as they moved around the dance floor. "I was trying not to eavesdrop, but I did hear part of it. Craig apparently had a close call on his last case--he was undercover and his cover was broken and he almost died. That effected him so badly--he kept thinking about how dangerous their both his and Krystelle's jobs were. He thought it was wrong to get married when one of them might die at any minute." "We all have dangerous jobs," Scully said, sympathetically. "But we can't stop living just because our lives may be short." "I think Craig finally figured that out. I'm not sure what happened, but he realized how wrong he'd been and when he saw Krystelle tonight, he just had to get her back." "I'm glad for her. She's a very nice person. Sorry about your date, though." "Scully, please let me explain what happened with Krystelle," he begged. "You don't have to Mulder. I've kind of figured it out for myself." "She couldn't face coming to this dance alone, Scully. She was so upset over Craig breaking up with her." "I know, Mulder. It's really kind of sweet that you brought her." "I didn't think you would want to come with me, Scully." Scully stopped dancing and pushed away from Mulder a little. She looked into his eyes, questioningly. "What made you think I wouldn't have agreed to come with you?" Mulder looked down at her, his fingers grazing her arm. He marvelled over how incredibly soft her skin was. "You remember when we kissed on New Years Eve?" "Of course I do," she answered. His fingers were so warm. Her skin tingled from his touch. "What is this all about, Mulder? Oh, no...you were disappointed weren't you?" "No! Of course not. It was the most wonderful kiss I've ever had. It's just that you seemed sorry that you'd kissed me afterward." "Oh Mulder," she said. "You're soooo wrong. I wasn't sorry--not at all. I was a little afraid that you were sorry when you started to crack jokes right after. It was....just the best kiss." "Scully, would you be really upset if I kissed you silly here on the dance floor?" he asked, laughing. She laughed too, and grabbed him by the hand. "I have a better idea," she called over her shoulder as she drew him off the dance floor and through the ball room. When they got through the lobby, she pulled him into a small alcove off the coat check area. "Come here," she said as she pulled him down to her. "Let's do this the right way." His lips met hers, his tongue flicking across her upper lip and then nipping at her lower lip before slipping into her mouth. She met him nip for nip, her own tongue exploring his mouth. She wanted to drown in his kiss. His hands strayed over the bare skin of her back, above her dress. She cupped his ass, pulling him toward her so she could feel his desire for her against her belly. "I want you," he gasped when his lips parted from hers. "Oh God, yes," she breathed back. "I can't wait a minute longer." His eyes scanned the area, wondering if she'd let him fuck her in a corner of the lobby at an official event. Probably not, he thought, when he spotted a rest room off in a deserted corner. He pulled her toward it, pushing the door open with his butt as he looked around to make sure no one saw them. "Not very romantic," he said as he threw the lock on the door. "I don't care," she moaned, as he drew the zipper of her dress down. Once unzipped, the dress fell off her like a waterfall sluicing down. When she stood before him in her demi bra, tiny panties and garter belt, he felt his knees buckle. My God, she was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen. "I love this," he said, slipping a finger under the edge of the bra. "I bought them hoping you'd get to see them," she replied. "Oh Scully. I've been so stupid. To think I might have missed this sight." She reached around to unhook her bra, but Mulder couldn't wait. He simply scooped her breasts up and over the edge, squeezing her rosy-tipped nipples. She moaned against his neck as she nuzzled against him like a hungry kitten. Her hands were busy too, as she slipped his jacket off and pushed it down. But a man's tuxedo is a lot more complicated than a woman's skimpy gown, and she became frustrated trying to unbutton his shirt. She finally just yanked it out of the waistband and unzipped his slacks. Mulder's hand strayed down to her panties, slipping under the edge. "Oh Mulder," she gasped as his thumb grazed the hot little bud of her clitoris. She ground her hot center against his hand. "I need you inside me now." She tugged his boxers down over his incredible cock, releasing it to her anxious hands. Her hands were so warm and soft--he almost came then and there. That would be disastrous, he thought to himself. Mulder lifted her onto the edge of the sink, her bare little ass covered only by the thong back of her little panties. With her breasts out, and her legs spread wide for him, she was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen. He couldn't wait a moment longer, not even long enough to get Scully's panties off. He pushed the narrow crotch to one side, allowing himself access to her nest of russet curls. He slipped a finger into her slick warmth--she was so hot, so wet. He couldn't wait any longer. *Rattle* Someone was trying to open the door. Thank god he had the presense of mind to lock it earlier. *Knock knock* They were knocking on the door now. "Anybody in there?" they called out. "Go away!" Mulder shouted. "Sorry," the person on the other side of the door said. Even the possibility of getting caught having sex with his partner in the bathroom of the Four Seasons hotel didn't decrease his ardor. His erection was harder than steel. He pressed the head of his cock against her opening, pushing into her with one hungry thrust. God, she was so tight, so hot. She gasped at the invasion, squeezing her eyes shut in ecstacy. He felt incredible, filling her beyond anything she'd ever experienced. "I love you," he murmurred into her ear. "I love you so much I can't breath sometimes." He started to thrust into her, slowly at first. She held onto his shoulders, her head thrown back in pleasure. He pumped into her, greedy for her body. "I love you, Mulder. I never thought I could love anyone this much." She clutched him to her as her body shuddered in orgasm, moaning into his ear. His own climax was not far behind as he thrust into her once, twice, three times before he came so hard it felt as if the top of his head had popped off. "Promise me we'll do this again in a bed," he gasped. "I think I'm too old to make love in bathrooms." "Yes, Mulder," she laughed as she slid down from the sink, her knees almost giving out when she stood. "In my bed, in your bed, in any bed you want." "Someday, maybe we'll make love in our bed," he whispered before he kissed her again. The End.