From: dmulder@ga.freei.net
Date: 5 Dec 1999 02:40:51 -0000
Subject: xfc: "How She Shines" (1/1) by Diana Alexander (Post-AF)
Source: xfc

From: dmulder@ga.freei.net

DISCLAIMER:  The characters in this piece of fiction that are
recognizable from Chris Carter's insane piece of work known as the
X-Files belong to him, his company Ten-Thirteen Productions and
Fox Broadcasting.  The song lyrics mentioned at the beginning of
the fic are from the song "How She Shines" by John Michael
Montgomery, which kept running through my head while I was
writing this.  Anything else, characters, situations or otherwise,
belong to this very insane author.
RATING: PG
CLASSIFICATION: V
KEYWORDS: Post-Ep Story; Mulder/Scully romance; Mulder POV
SPOILERS: Amor Fati
FEEDBACK: always welcome at dmulder@ga.freei.net
ARCHIVE:  Anywhere's fine... Gossamer, Xemplary, Ephemeral,
yeah... whatever... *grin* 
SUMMARY: Mulder's thoughts during the scene at the end of Amor
Fati.  What?  You weren't expecting creativity, were you?
AUTHOR'S NOTES:  Well, this story popped into my head during
my walk from my English class to the computer lab, and who am I
to fight with my post-ep muse?  As for the end conversation, I only
have a comment on XFR to thank for that.  *grin*

*******************************
How She Shines
by: Diana Alexander
dmulder@ga.freei.net
*******************************
"How she shines,
Shines a light on you,
And in this light I see
Just how much you mean to me.
Oh, how she shines."
*******************************

Diana Fowley is dead.

I watch Scully as she tells me this, but I can't make myself form
even a remote sign of sympathy for the woman that I once knew.
The opperative words being 'once knew'.  I haven't known that
woman for a long time now.

Hell, maybe I never knew her at all.  If I found out that I never did, I
wouldn't even be surprised.  In fact, to be honest, I think that I'd be
more surprised at her death than I would be to find that I never
knew the woman at all.

I haven't been able to do much with reading minds in the past
week, but the ability is still there, and Scully's close enough that I
can see in her mind just how horrible that Diana's death is, even
from her experienced eyes.

Being a forensic pathologist, Scully is trained in how to identify a
killer by examining the body, and has made use of that training
numerous times in the past seven years.  However, it doesn't take
a psychic or even a pathologist to know that she died a horrible
death by the hands of those who she was once loyal to.

Scully's voice returns me from the bitter images that filled her mind,
and it's the emotion in her voice, the sound of Scully near tears that
brings my attention back.  Scully *never* cries.

Well, at least not around me, anyway.

"I never trusted her..."

And that was my mistake, Scully.  I trusted her and I shouldn't
have.  Once again, my idiotic habit of never listening to you almost
got us both killed.

"... but she helped save your life as much as I did.  She gave me
that book.  It was her key that led me to you."

That is what catches me by surprise.  So, Diana changed sides
again before she died?  Once I think about it, it doesn't surprise me
all that much.  Although, I do have to wonder exactly what changed
her mind...

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...  I know she was your friend."

At that, she reaches out and wraps her arms around my neck, and
I pull her closer to me.  I sigh at the rightness of the embrace,
standing as we are in my doorway.  She buries her face in my
neck, and I in hers, and as I stand there, I can feel her tears
soaking into the T-shirt that I had to sort through the few clean
clothes.

Moments later, I finally get my thoughts back together enough to
speak of the time I spent while they were operating on my head.  I
know it was the drugs talking while they were discussing me, but I
can't help but shudder at the thought of things turning out that way.
It only reaffirms my belief that I do not want a normal life.

I wouldn't know what a normal life was if it walked up and slapped
me in the face.

"Scully, I was like you once -- I didn't know who to trust..." I feel
her mind recoil at that, even if her body doesn't.  If she'll let me
continue, I'll clarify that. "Then I... I chose another path, another
life, another fate, where I found my sister."

She thinks it's come down to Samantha all along, but in that, she's
wrong.  She doesn't know how wrong she is.  I can close my eyes
and see her looking almost exactly as she does now, only trying to
prove a point to my mind, which was on the verge of giving up.

I have no idea how close I was to death at that point, but I'm fairly
certain that I was pretty close.  Then, in her typical Scully fashion,
she woke me up from that never-never land that I'd been living in,
encouraged me to fight.

If not for that, I don't know if I would have lived or not.

"The end of my world was unrecognisable and upside down.  There
was one thing that remained the same," I pull away and look at her,
and realise just how beautiful she is.

That beauty goes beyond the skin straight down to her soul.  I
compare her with what I knew before, and everyone else comes up
lacking.  Yes, maybe I thought that I loved Diana once, but I don't
think I knew what love was then.  I know now, and I'm looking at
her.  For some people, the truth can be harsh when shined upon
them, but not Scully.

When the truth falls upon her face, she shines.

"You were my friend and you told me the truth.  Even when the
world was falling apart, you were my constant... my touchstone."

There is no hesitation in her voice when she responds with, "And
you are mine."

We lean in and Scully presses her lips to my forehead.  I swear
time stops right there.  I have no idea how long it lasts, but when
she pulls away, I still stay that she didn't stay long enough.  And if
that's my reaction when she kisses my *forehead*, what's my
reaction going to be when she kisses me on the lips?

Uhh, let's not go somewhere you're not prepared to go, Mulder.

She places my Yankees hat back on my head and cups my face in
her hands, studying me for the longest time with -- dare I suspect
it? -- love in her eyes before brushing my lips with her fingertips
and leaving.

I close my eyes for a moment and hear her steps move away from
me, then stop.  I open them to see her watching me with an
amused expression on my face.

"Mulder, I thought you were a Massuchusetts boy."

"I was."

"Then why do you like the Yanks?"

I shrug, "I don't know.  Guess I was rebelling against what everyone
told me that I should like.  I never was good at doing what I should
do."

A small smile touches her lips, "That was never in doubt, Mulder."

I chuckle, and she shakes her head at me.

"I'll be back later.  There are things I need to take care of.  And I
don't want to see you at the office," her tone turns mock
threatening.

"I won't be."

With that, she walks off, and I head back into my apartment.  All
the same, I can't help but wonder one thing.

What's going to happen when she gets back?

*    *    *    *    *

-End-