From: Emania1224 Date: 25 Mar 2000 03:52:47 GMT Subject: NEW: I Don't Know (1/1) by Cat Title: I Don't Know Author: Cat E-mail: Emania1224@aol.com Rating: G Category: Vignette Spoilers: none, I don't think Keywords: Vignette, Scully POV, Summary: short little quickie vignette on my ideas of what Scully actually thinks about the mutual dependency between them. Disclaimer: The characters in this fic, are, of course, not mine. I've taken some of the words to the song by Celine Dion and integrated them into this fic so some of that is from her. Archive: This is a small little thing that I just had to write but if you really want it, go ahead. Just, as always, lemme know where it is, k? Don't want to have pieces of fic all over the place. Author's Notes: So I know I should be working on doing the parallel story to If I Never Knew You and I haven't forgotten it, it's just that this just came to me as I was listening to the Celine Dion song and it hit me...so, here it is. Like I said, it's a quickie that hasn't even been beta-d so be kind. Feedback: Yeah, sure. Lemme know what you think. First vignette I've written and all that. ~+~+~+~+~+ I Don't Know (1/1) By Cat ~+~+~+~+~+ They almost never get to me. The words they all say when they don't know I'm around or when they think I won't hear it. But they always come to my ears and I always hear them. I've always prided myself on my self-reliance. Hell, I've worked so hard for it, haven't I? I've done everything in my power to be able to do anything I want on my own. I never needed Bill or Charlie to stick up for me like Missy did when someone called me names in school. And if someone knocked me down, I would stand right back up and stand my ground. I would never run. And haven't I proven myself all the more in the FBI? In the X-Files? No matter how many things have stood in my way, I've come out of it. I've persevered. I've learned when the right time to strike a deal is and when to fight. I know what's real and what's right. I've been strong. Oh, yeah, I've tasted fear and my share of pain, but I've never given in. I've wanted to so many times, but I never have. I couldn't...wouldn't let myself. I know what I need. A mountain of stones or a door of steel can stand in my way and if what I need is on that other side, I go on. Brutal attacks, unbending laws...they've all tried. But I go on. I'm not afraid. I know what I want...always have... And they're wrong, aren't they? I'm not all ice. I can be tender. I've held you tight, soothing your wounds and comforting your soul. I've quieted your sobs, wiped the sweat off your brow, shaken with the violence of your hate, your fear, or your pain... And I've pushed you away. When you've come too close. When you've threatened that balance within me I've stepped out of your warmth... I've faced the fear of tears shed in vain, the loss of a piece of me... I know what I've seen and I know who I can trust. I know how to be alone, but there's just one thing I must believe: That deep in the night by a dying flame, if I should call your name...you'll be there. When did it happen? When did it change? When, despite my attempts, did you crawl your way into my heart? You're always there now...in some part of my conscious, even if it's some minor thing that happens to me I want to tell you. Some funny thing I hear, I want to share it. Some strange thing I see, I need your advice. It's almost as if you've always been there but it's only now that I've realized it. As if I've never done a single thing on my own, even if I force myself not to tell you, you're always present. As if you're with me even if your not really *with* me. Yes, I've held you tight, and pushed you away...and now here I am...hoping you'll stay. Oh, I have no doubt that I could face the bitter cold, the searing heat. But life without you... I don't know...