From: "Crystal Pittman" Date: Mon, 15 Nov 1999 13:40:33 PST Subject: xfc: NEW:"I Love You, Then I Hate You (1/1)" By: Crystal Pittman Source: xfc From: "Crystal Pittman" Title: I Hate You Then I Love You Author: Crystal Pittman Rating: PG Classification: MSR, A, V Spoilers: The Sixth Extinction: Amor Fati Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, I no own, so you no sue. Summary: Title says it all. Feedback: Is the Arctic cold? Muldersgirl1013@excite.com I Hate You Then I Love You By: Crystal Pittman ************************** //I'd like to run away from you But if I were to leave you I would die I'd like to break the chains You put around me And yet I'll never try// I left Mulder's apartment with tears in my eyes. It seems that everyday we are getting closer and closer to the inevitable truth: the fact that we love each other unconditionally. Yet, neither one of us ever has the guts to admit it. He told me that I am his touchstone and I told him the same. There are times that I want to kill him or leave or something just to get away from him but I know that if I did, then I would die also. He is my soul, my heart, and my breath. He has been there for me so many times when he didn't even have to be. With all that's happened over the last few weeks, nothing will ever be the same again. As much as we try not to let it, everything will change. With Diana's death, Mulder will close off. I know this. Don't ask me how, but I just do. He will pull away from me and we will lose what we have found. Just last summer we were declaring our feelings for one another. This summer, I almost lost him. In more ways than one. I know right now I am rambling but I am hurt, upset, and confused. I am losing him and I don't know how to stop it. //No matter what you do you drive me crazy I'd rather be alone But then I know my life would be so empty As soon as you were gone...// ********************* I know that I drive Scully crazy sometimes. Hell all the time. But I don't know what to do to get to her heart. I want to tell her that I love her but the words just never seem to come out. Or the timing is never right. I mean, I can't very well yell it to her as we are running with our guns out and chasing little gray men. She'd shoot me instead of the alien. I guess I could try to take her out or something but then she would look at me like I was smoking something. Love is so damn confusing. My phone rings at that moment. "Hello?" I said. "It's me. I was wondering if we could talk." She said, very quietly. "Sure. Do you want to come over here?" "Actually I was wondering if you would mind coming to my place. I was making some fettuccini and thought that you might like to eat with me." She paused. "If you want to, of course." She sounded so insecure, so young. "Of course I want to. I'll be there in half an hour." "Okay. It'll be ready for you. Bye." "Bye...and Scully?" "Yeah?" "Love you." With that I hung up the phone. I have no clue as to what came over me when I just said that. Maybe because I feel that it is time to let that woman know just exactly how I feel about her. //Impossible to live with you But I could never live without you For whatever you do/ for what ever you do I never, never, never Want to be in love with anyone but you// I was sitting on my couch still in a state of shock at what Mulder had told me before he hung up. Now he was on his way over. That man is so damn frustrating. He tells me he loves me and then hangs up. Ugh!!! I want to hurt him. But like I said before, I could never do anything. I got up and let Mulder in. "Hey Dana." "Hello." I said. "Listen, about what I said..." "Mulder, what you said surprised the hell out of me. I know that you might be feeling like you need someone to cling on to but you shouldn't say anything that you don't mean..." I know that I was rambling (again) but I couldn't help it. "Dana, sit down." We moved over to the couch and sat next to each other. He took my hands into his and sighed. "I said that because I meant it. I love you with all of my heart and soul and I want to be with you for the rest of my life. You are my best friend. You are my only friend. I could not live with out you and I don't even want to try." He looked at me and he saw the tears. He reached up with his finger and wiped them away. "You got to believe me. I need you in my life." I nodded. I knew, I really did. "I love you too." He exhaled a sigh of relief and pulled me into his arms. "I am so glad that you said that. I won't rush you, Dana. We can take our time. I don't want to lose our friendship." Again, I nodded, too stunned to say anything. He held me in his arms for the rest of the night and the nights following. I knew that we would have our share of problems but I also knew that we would make it. //You treat me wrong You treat me right You let me be You make me fight with you I could never live without you You make me high You bring me down You set me free You hold me bound to you I hate you Then I love you Then I love you Then I hate you Then I love you more For whatever you do For whatever you do I never, never, never Want to be in love with anyone but you...// The End All comments, as before, can be directed to muldersgirl1013@excite.com www.geocities.com/area51/Crater/5159