From: "Voet" Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2000 20:04:57 +0100 Subject: New story Source: direct Title: I honestly love you (1/1) Author: Tanja E-mail address: voet@tanja-myrna.demon.nl Rating: G Spoilers: none Keywords: Songfic, MSR, Mulder/Scully UST, Scully's POV Summary: Scully's POV on a love that isn't meant to be. Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully aren't mine, they belong to the master Chris Carter, 1013 and Fox Network. The song text is from the song "I honestly love you", from Olivia Newton-John. Author's notes: Okay this story might be a little bit sad, and maybe a little depressing, but I wrote it after writing a really romantic story. Don't ask me why, after writing something depressing I always feel the need to write something happy, but after writing something happy I always write something sad. Sorry, hope people will like this story anyway. Thanks to Joey, a great friend and for beta-reading, who's probably going to kill me if I don't write a sequel to this :)! I honestly love you (1/1) I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you. They made me your partner to spy on you, to debunk your work. They wanted the X-files closed, knowing that it was your obsession, afraid that you would come to close to the truth. The moment I walked into the basement and you looked at me, I knew I couldn't debunk your work. How can you betray the person you are in love with? Yes love, I've denied it for a long time, telling myself that it wasn't possible, it's not allowed to have these feelings for your partner. Hell, if Skinner found out, I would probably be kicked out of the FBI, before I could even say "But Sir..." But it was at that moment, I decided to work with you, instead of against you. It took a while, but you started to trust me, we became friends and I know that's the closest we'll ever get. Because I know our love isn't meant to be. When I was a little girl, I always dreamt of the day I would meet the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The love of my life, my prince on the white horse. Like all little girls I dreamt of my wedding day, marrying that special person. Never did I expect that everything would turn out differently. I did not expect to fall in love with somebody I'm not allowed to love. All I wanted to have was a normal life, get married, have children and live a long and happy life. Now I know that might have been a little too optimistic, hey what shall I say, I was only 8 years old when I had those dreams. Things have turned out to be different. Maybe some day I'll have that normal life, with a family, but I do know that it won't be with Mulder. It hurts, to know that I'll never be able to have that with him. He's part of my life now, my friend, we work together, make jokes, laugh and I cherish every moment I spend in his presence. Because I know there'll come a day that this might be over. Maybe I hang around here A little bit more than I should We both know I got somewhere else to go But I got something to tell you That I never thought I would But I believe you really ought to know So instead of dating other guys, trying to forget about Fox Mulder, I spend all the time I can with him. Maybe a little bit more than I should, but it's the only thing I have, the only memories I will have when this ends some day. I've been thinking of telling him a thousand times before, but something always stopped me. I love you I honestly love you I love him, it'll probably never stop, this love is too strong to end. But even a love that's strong, is sometimes not meant to be. You don't have to answer I see it in your eyes Maybe it was better left unsaid This was pure and simple And you should realize That it's coming from my heart and not my head I looked into those eyes a thousand times. Seeing an answer in there, he probably doesn't even realize is in there. He does have feelings for me, I can see it in that look, but those feelings are better left unsaid. It's as simple as that. Sometimes you can only think with your heart, but in the end you'll learn that it's better to think with your head. I love you I honestly love you I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable I'm not trying to make you feel anything at all But this feeling doesn't come along every day And you shouldn't blow the chance When you've got the chance to say I love you I honestly love you And despite the fact that I know it's better to think with the head and not with the heart, I've come to your apartment today. I've come to tell you something that was never meant to be said, I do not want to make you feel uncomfortable, I don't want to make you feel the same, but I have to tell. I can't live with the idea that some day something will happen to you or me and I've never told you. That's why I've decided to give myself the chance to tell you. Not to force a love, that I know will never be. But to say what has to be said, before it's too late. You are waiting for me to say something. I look at you, at this face I know so well. I decide to just say it and see what happens. "I love you." He looks at me, a look of total surprise and shock on his face. Obviously he didn't expect this. There's a deadly silence in the room, than he walks to me and pulls me in his arms, holding me so close that I'm afraid I can't breathe anymore in a few minutes, whispering "Oh Scully..." against my hair. If we both were born In another place and time This moment might be ending in a kiss Buy there you are with yours And here I am with mine So I guess we'll just be leaving it at this I love you I honestly love you I honestly love you If the situation had been different, things might have ended different. If I hadn't worked with the FBI, if we would have met somewhere else, maybe in the street, bumping into each other. How different would things have been than? We would have been allowed to love, this moment might have ended in a kiss. But it won't. We have our own lives, we aren't meant to be. I guess we'll just be leaving it at this, but at least now you'll know that I honestly love you. The end Okay now that I've finished this, I realize this might be a little too depressing and sad. I'm so convinced they should be together and now they don't! What do you guys think, maybe a sequel? Let me know, I think it'll be not too hard to convince me :)! Feedback welcome at voet@tanja-myrna.demon.nl