From: "cindy vandenplas" <cindyvandenplas@hotmail.com>
Date: Sun, 18 Oct 1998 05:15:21 PDT
Subject: New Story: I Love You

Date: October 16th 1998
By: Cindy Vandenplas<cindyvandenplas@hotmail.com>
Title: I Love You


Disclaimer: Do we have to go through this again? Oh well, since they don't
belong to me, I'll better get used to it. Mulder, Scully and the x-files
gang belong to Chris Carter, 1013 and the Fox Network. I'm only using them
for fun and I promise to return them after I'm finished playing with them.
Please don't sue me, I'm only a crazy brain. No infringement is intended
and all you'd get out of me is... nothing. I don't have anything, unless
my twisted sick little mind counts....

Classification: S/R/Scully Pov

Rating: Oh well, I'll give it a G for once. Don't understand anything
about that rating anyway.

Summary: Scully sumarizes her true feelings for Mulder.

Keywords: Sort of MSR, although no kissing is involved.

Dedication: I dedicate this story to two friends of mine who'll listen to
me complaining every day. They're the best friends anyone can wish for.
So, this one is for Linda and Sophie. And I can't forget a little guy
named Maxime... he's much to young to read or even speak. And he's way too
young to understand English.

Feedback: If my story is worth wasting your time sending an email, let me
know. Flames and good comment are extremely welcome.

Author's note: Sorry about such a long intro, but I feel like writing
today. This story wasn't too hard to write, concidering my situation.  
And I'm sure some of you will understand me.

And let's get the mushy sappy story on the road...


           I Love You
              by: Cindy Vandenplas<cindyvandenplas@hotmail.com


  He really is something. A prince charming. Maybe not to others, but to
me he is. Not that he knows something about it. We talk alot with each
other, that is true. We are even good friends. But that's it. Nothing
more, nothing less. Fox Mulder is a dream to me. Something you dream about
and keep enjoying, but you know you will never get. Meaning more as a
friend and a collegue of course. Even outside work we spend a lot of time
together. But I don't know we would still see each other, if we didn't
work together. But I don't think Mulder would mind. He is so consumed by
his chase after Samantha, that nothing else matters to him. Sometimes I
even think he woud be glad to get rid of me.

  Confused, that's the feeling that comes alive in me. I don't know where
I'm standing and socializing is becoming impossible to me. I can only
think about Mulder and it is hurting. Sometimes I fall asleap crying. And
if there's one person who can dry my tears, it is Mulder. There's no one
but me in this confused world. I'm floating on a boat and drifting further
and further from the shore. There's no way to go back . I have to use my
own strength to get back. With only the support of my mother.

  My mother is also my best friend. She's the only one who knows how I
feel about Mulder. She listens to my complains and supports me when it
gets to rough on me. I'll be thankful forever. But I don't think even she
knows how I really feel about Mulder. Because one thing is for sure: I
would give my life for him. And if something would happen to him, a part
of me would die. Mulder is the only one who makes me feel happy and
complete. Sure, I have a lot to be happy. But everything would be
different if he was not around. He makes everything perfect. If only he
knew how he makes me feel. With him I feel like I'm perfect.

  I remember exactly how it all started. We hadn't been working together
for long, when I dropped some papers in the hall. He was immediately by my
side to help me pick them up. And the unbelievable had happened. I had
lost my heart. My blood was boiling and wy stomach was going crazy. It
felt like I had a thousand butterflies in my stomach. It wasn't exactly
love at first sight, but almost that. Now I know how it feels to be in
love. It's the most beautiful feeling in the world, but it can also be the
most painful. Especially when it comes from one side. It is a feeling that
you can't let go.

  My mother would of course say the opposite. She always tells me Mulder
feels something for me too. She says she can feel it and see it on the way
we act around each other. When we are together, she feels more than
friendship. She should start a dating bureau, that's what. But she can
tell me a thousand times he feels something for me too, I'll never believe
her. Why should he? He has so much to give and I have nothing that can
make him happy. Unless my undying love counts....

  I even wrote him a letter, because I had to get rid of my feelings. I
hadn't seen him in a couple of days and I thought i had forgotten him. Oh
boy, was I wrong. I even love him more than before. How stupid it may
sound, I am nervous to see him back after the weekend. How will he react?
Will I be able to put on my professional face again? I hope so, because I
couldn't deal with it if he found out how I feel. It would be humiliating.
it don't wanna act like a teenager. I know I am an adult, but I don't know
if I can handle the adult world. So I keep reading the letter over and
over again:



                Dear Mulder,

     It's funnny to write to you, since you'll never get it or even read
it. But I had to write it to get rid of those tremendous feelings you
bring alive in me. You may even laugh about it, but I don't care. I know
how I feel about you and nothing will ever change that. You made me feel a
whole person. Around you I can be who I really am. I don't need to act
different from who I really am. And it feels fantastic to be able to be
like that around a guy. Mostly guys are insensitive bastards, but that's
not the case with you.

     We have been working together for almost six years now and I never
gave you a hint about how I feel. But I didn't realise how strong these
feelings were, until I started missing you when you were not around. I
never have been someone of much words and we are so close that I can't
tell you everything. I'm sure you must already know how I feel about you.
But I never showed it. Because I don't know if you love me too. Sure, I
care about you a lot, but I also love you. In my heart and soul you will
always be alive.
  
     A friend once told me that the line between friendship and love is
thin. I never believed him until now. And I can't cross that line. In a
way I already have, by thinking of you as more than a friend. I suppose
being close partners holds that risk. But in way we have both crossed that
line. What we have goes beyond friendship. But it's not love yet. By that
I mean true love. In those six years we have established some connection.
And when you look at me with those hazel eyes, I feel I'm alive.

     It's hard to say what you bring alive in me. I love you for what you
are and who you are. I love your friendship, I love your so rare smile, I
adore the little boy you still remain. You are my secret lover. I
secretely think about our first kiss and how gentle it would be. But then
I realise that will never happen.

     Here I am trying to say how you really make me feel, but it's
impossible. There are not words enough to do so. What I feel for you goes
beyond words. It goes beying anyhing you can imagine. I hope some day you
will realise that and close this empty space in my heart.

     I love you Mulder and I always will. I hope I will find the courage
to tell you so some day. If dreams could come true.....

   
              Love,

                     Dana.


X X X X X X X X X X



  I don't know what the future will bring me. But I hope with my whole
heart that you will be a part of this future. That's why I keep listing to
the same song over and over again:

     I must be crazy now
     May'be I dream too much
     But when I think of you
     I long to feel your touch
     To whisper in your ear
     Words that are old as time
     Words only you would hear
     If only you were mine
     I wish I could go back to the very first day I saw you
     Should have made my move when you looked in my eyes
     Cause by now I'd know that you'd feel the way that I do
     And I'd whisper those words as you'd lie here by my side

     I I love you, please say you love me too
     These three words, they could change our lives forever
     And I promise you that we will always be together
     Till the end of time
     
     So today I finally find
     The courage deep inside
     Just to walk right up to your door
     But my body can't move
     When I finally get to
     Just like a thousand times before
     Then without a word he handed me this letter
     Read I hope this finds the way into your heart

     It said: I love you, please say you love me too
     These three words, they could change our lives forever
     And I promise you that we will always be together
     Till the end of time

     Well maybe I, I need a little love
     Well maybe I, I need a little care
     And maybe I, and maybe you, you need someone just to hold you
     If you do, just reach out
     And I'll be there

     I I love you, please say you love me too
     These three words, they could change our lives forever
     And I promise you that we will always be together
     
     I I love you, please say you love me too
     Till the end of time

     Together forever
     I love you

  I guess now I really understand how I feel. And I realise I am waiting
for Mulder to make the first move. But maybe he loves me and he's as
scared as me to make the first move. I never thought about it like that.
If only I could think of a way to bring our two souls together. Loves me,
loves me not? I guess that's the real issue here. And until that question
is answered? I won't be able to find peace with myself...


THE END.

So, what do ya think. Let me know at cindyvandenplas@hotmail.com. This is
a personal issue to me, so I would be grateful.

Oh by the way, the song "I love You" belongs to the fabulous Celine Dion,
whom I am a great fan of. No infringement is intended. Please don't sue
me, I am just a huge fan showing her gratitude towards Celine for her
great music.