From: shinkai@mlode.com (Susan Shinkai) Date: Mon, 20 Jul 1998 09:07:15 -0700 Subject: Completed Story -"The IM Files #16 - Moments of Truth" (1/1) Title: The IM Files #16 – Moments of Truth Author: Shinkai E-mail Address: shinkai@mlode.com Rating: R+ Classification: SR Spoilers: Second season Keywords: Scully/Mulder romance, alternate reality Summary: A series of vignette looking into the hearts and minds of Mulder, Scully, Skinner, Krychek, CSM, Bill Mulder, Melissa Scully and X before the climactic events of the "Anasazi" arc. 16th installment of the IM Files Series Intro: This is the first original IM Files story not based directly on an X-Files episode although it uses several episodes as the backdrop for each vignette. To understand the Mulder and Scully in this story, you must have read "Meeting the Invisible Man" and at least some of the other installments In honor of the X-Files movie, each vignette bears the title of a movie (or some variation of one.) Remember that each vignette looks at the world from the perspective of a particular character. So when X calls Krychek despicable or Skinner thinks Scully has more integrity than Mulder, that's their opinion only. Thanks all those who have encouraged the continuation of this series. Disclaimer: The characters and situations depicted in this story are not the legal property of the author or her agents. This use is not intended to be an infringement on the rights of the legal owners. Use and distribution of this story is for not-for-profit entertainment purposes only. MOMENTS OF TRUTH 1) Future Shock - Scully considers the words of Dr. Blockhead concerning Mulder and the future. 2) My Dinner with Melissa- Scully catches up on Melissa life only to find she doesn't have one. 3) Sins of the Father–Bill Mulder contemplates his role in shaping his son's ultimate fate 4) The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the FBI - Skinner learns he must change his own life to continue his work in the FBI and with Mulder and Scully. 5) Up in Smoke - CSM muses in the form of cryptic e-mail messages to his associates and a visit to a chat room. 6) Coming Home - Krychek is back in Washington DC, depressed and disillusioned. 7) X Marks the Spot - X considers the merits of his work and how far he can lead Mulder. 8) Death Becomes Her - Mulder is plagued with nightmares of Scully's death and his reaction to it. ____________________________ FUTURE SHOCK Scully sat in the plane staring out the window at the open ocean. Mulder leaned over and whispered mischievously "Any signs of the Fiji mermaid?" She smiled back at him and leaned back into her seat. He continued reflectively "Myths and legends always have some basis in the 'real world'. Who knows what kind of stories a medical anomaly like Leonard could generate." Scully just nodded without conviction and pretended to look at her field notes. < He never stops thinking about the extreme possibilities. Even when I come up with the idea. > She recalled the string of bizarre deaths which ended in Gibsonton, Florida. The killer was apparently a Siamese twin that could disconnect himself from his brother's body. The murderous twin, Leonard, was a small primitive life form that could move swiftly and killed its victims as it tried to join to their bodies by tearing open the abdomen. He was a true freak of nature and she was the one that first recognized the possibility. Mulder accepted her theory without question and was now using it as leverage to open her mind to other extremes. In his own way, Mulder was a 'freak', by the nature of his obsessions. Jeffery Swain, Dr. Blockhead as he liked to call himself, was the self-made 'freak' who had warned Scully that the future would genetically engineer away all the abnormalities like Leonard, but that it would also eliminate the minor imperfection as well. As he packed to leave town, Swain had said, "I've seen the future. And it looks just like him." pointing to Mulder as the example of the 'perfect' specimen. "Imagine going through your whole life looking like that." he said with disgust. He went on to philosophize that it was up to him and other self-made 'freaks' to remind people that nature abhors normality and that it couldn't go long without creating a mutant. Scully laughed to herself. 'Normality' was rarely used to describe Mulder. True, Mulder's striking physical features made him the most attractive man she had ever met but the secret to his allure was his dark obsessions. For all her logic and good sense, Scully couldn't deny the power it had over her. It drew her even deeper into him, to a place where only his love mattered. Her love for Mulder held them together even when everything else fell apart. On their previous case together, trapped on a ship in the North Sea as free radicals artificially aged their bodies, she struggled until the last moment of life to save him. She'd always considered growing old with Mulder a desirable fate but not when it came prematurely and not if she had to stand by helplessly as he died. When they were rescued, they found her meticulous journal that enabled them to successfully reverse the damage. But a testament to their love was witnessed as they found them lying side by side, both comatose but her arms wrapped protectively around him. No one could ever deny her love for her husband, even at death's door. But despite the strength of their bond, she lived in constant fear of the fanatical madness that drove his obsession. It blinded him to reason and pushed him to the edge of sanity. She could do little to stop it; in fact, it was all she could do to prevent it from consuming her as well. In a way, it was Mulder's secret weapon. Like a zealot, he was either praised or persecuted, but he was never ignored. Perhaps Dr. Blockhead was right about one thing. Maybe Mulder really was the future - paranoia and passion in one attractive package. If so, that would make the scientists like her the 'freaks'. No matter how the perceptions changed, there would always be 'normals' and 'freaks'. When Scully asked Swain why he thought Nature would always create mutants, she wasn't surprised at the response. "I don' t know either. It's a mystery." Dr. Blockhead answered bluntly. In his parting remarks, he added, "Maybe some mysteries were never meant to be solved." Scully turned to gaze at Mulder as he happily consumed a bag of sunflower seeds and read the latest Lone Gunmen newsletter, while his hand 'mysteriously' slipped under the armrest, out of sight, and lovingly caressed her thigh. The tenderness of his love contrasted against the intensity of his search for the truth. How could one man fulfill so many destinies? She closed her eyes and sat back to enjoy the moment of peace and quiet jammed in-between the daily insanity of their lives. Dr. Blockhead was right – some mysteries were best left alone. __________________________________ MY DINNER WITH MELISSA Life had been non-stop for months for Mulder and Scully, so after they returned from Florida, Scully decided to allow herself one night away from Mulder, to catch up with her sister, Melissa. Melissa had been a common sight around her house when she baby-sat for Hope but since the baby was gone, Scully rarely saw her sister. The evening started much like many evenings they spent together while growing up. Together in the kitchen, they prepared the meal and chatted casually about the trivial matters in life. Melissa talked about her new job at the bookstore while Scully told her about the odd ex-circus performers she recently met. By the time the main meal rolled around, they were head long into the real issues that shaped their lives. "So how are things between you and Fox?" Melissa finally asked. Scully smiled "Mulder. Please. Even I have a hard time hearing that name except when I'm trying to get his attention." "Really? I thought you only called him that when you two made love?" Melissa teased. Scully blushed slightly and commented, "Well, it definitely gets his attention." "So?" Melissa signaled her sister to continue. "Things are pretty good." Scully replied as she evaluated the situation in her mind. "I told you awhile back that he moved back into his apartment for a short time but he's back home now. He still misses Hope terribly but he's handling it well." Melissa spoke with the kind of personal intensity reminiscent of her serious sister. "No, Dana. I meant how strong is your relationship with him?" Scully sighed and said "It's good. It's rough sometimes but it's good." "Dana, you're just a well spring of information aren't you?" Melissa replied sarcastically. "Come on, Sis. Be honest. How is it really going with Mulder?" Scully turned away and lamented, "I'm worried that Bill might have been right when he said that one day Mulder would realize how much he's sacrificed for our marriage and blame me for everything he's lost. I could handle the accusations but I don't know if we could ever recover from the loss of faith." Melissa knew she had good reason to be concerned. So instead of pretending it wasn't a problem, Melissa focused on the positive aspect of their relationship. "You have to admit, Mulder has never stopped loving you even if he does get a little crazy at times." Scully sighed in resignation. "You may as well add the fact that he's intelligent, handsome, caring and sexy. It doesn't change the fact that when he's out of control, he frightens me." "You? Frightened?" laughed Melissa. "I thought you could handle anything." "No, really, I mean it." scolded Scully. "What if something happened to him, something I couldn't prevent." Melissa nodded knowingly to her. That was her real fear, the fear of failing Mulder. "Then you'll just have to suffer like the rest of us mere mortals who can't control everything around us." Scully refused the reply, shaking her head exclaiming, "It's not about me. Missy, you can't possibly understand the kind of obsessions that Mulder experiences." Putting on her most solemn expression Melissa answered "Oh yes I ca n. Are you forgetting about what happened between me and Fox while you were missing?" Scully's embarrassed look told her that she did indeed remember. "Look, all I'm saying is that you're married to a wonderful man who is madly in love with you and trusts you beyond words. It might not last forever but for now, you should learn to enjoy it. God knows, I would if I were in your place." "I appreciate and understand your sentiments but it's not that simple." Scully spoke slowly and deliberately knowing the words would sound cruel and empty. "Mulder's more than my husband. He's my partner. I have to keep my priorities straight." "Your priorities?" Melissa cried. "Dana, he's your husband, your best friend. When would he not be the priority?" Scully maintained her tone and said, "When he's wrong. When he's so blinded by his obsession he refuses to look beyond his own needs. When he begs me to see what he sees but I can't, in good conscience, agree." Tears welled in her eyes as she recalled all of the pain she had caused Mulder by saying 'no'. Reassuringly, Melissa offered "Dana, what I see is that despite all that's happened between you two, you're still together and still very much in love with each other. And for what it's worth, I envy that part of your life." "Missy, I don't think you've ever been jealous of anything I had." Scully replied with surprise. "All my life growing up as your little sister, you wanted no part of the things that were important to me – school, politics?Dad's respect." Melissa frowned at her sister. "That's not entirely true. Did you ever stop to think that I never showed interest in those aspects of my life because any effort on my part would pale in comparison to your accomplishments? Do you know how many times Dad said, 'why can't you be more like your sister?' After a few years of hearing that, I started acting as if I didn't care." Scully reached out and gave her sister a hug. "I understand. I acted the same way. I was so jealous of how easily you made friends, how guys flocked to you and ignored me?" Melissa sighed and stated plainly "They didn't ALL ignore you. When I brought Fox?Mulder?home, I thought I'd finally found someone worth taking my time to develop a real relationship with. I wanted him to feel safe with me so I could earn his trust. Instead, he fell for you and the rest, shall we say, is history." She saw the guilty look that crossed her sister's face and quickly added, "It's not like you stole him from me. It was his choice and now that I know him better, I doubt it would have ever worked out. Still, I would just for once like to experience the level of intensity you two share when you make love." Scully unconsciously blushed and commented "It really is an amazing sensation to lose myself so completely, to become a part of him. Every time it's different. Sometime I feel it even when we're just barely touching?" She cut herself off as she realized Melissa's longing for such a relationship. "Maybe it seems so intense just because of the intensity of our lives. That's why I have to keep my perspective. The X-Files can drive any emotions to the extreme." Melissa smiled at her sister's efforts to console her and reflected on her words. "Maybe that's what I need in my life again – something extreme. Since settling here in DC, things have been pretty quiet. Nothing like the years I spent exploring new paths to enlightenment." "What ever happened to that search of yours?" Scully asked quizzically. "A short time after I had my encounter with you and Mulder, I realized I already had all the tools I needed to find my 'truth'. I just didn't have the commitment to really start looking." "Is now the time to start?" "I wasn't sure until I started baby sitting for Hope. It gave me a sense of balance I haven't ever felt before. Maybe it's just my biological clock ticking away but I think it was the act of caring for an individual, a helpless child. Putting her needs before mine. I know it was only a glimpse of motherhood but it was still very compelling." "Please tell me you're not planning on having a baby." Scully moaned. "Actually, I had another idea. What if I have YOUR baby?" "What?" Scully gasped with surprise. "Are you suggesting?" "Artificial insemination with Mulder's sperm." Melissa looked seriously into her sister's shocked eyes. "Listen, Dana, genetically and emotionally it's the closest you'll ever be able to come to having your own child. You can even carry the baby to term yourself." Scully broke eye contact and began pacing across the room. "My life is turning into an X-File! I lost my own baby, who may have never existed in the first place. My husband's daughter of unknown origin is now my brother's daughter. Now my sister wants to mother a child by my husband then give us the child so she can be a baby sitter!" She covered her face with her hands and shook her head. "No, no. This insanity has to stop somewhere. I love Fox and I desperately want to have his child but I can't go this far." "Dana, I'm not offering just for your sake." Melissa insisted. "I need that child as much as you. Maybe more than you. I have to be a part of something more than just my life, my existence." "Then find something that truly has meaning to you." Scully implored. "Mulder and I have been through too much?" Her voice broke into controlled sobs. "No more children in our lives. Not unless we find our own daughter." Melissa joined her sister to comfort her and gently rocked her in her arms. "I'm sorry, Dana. It just seemed like a good idea. I should have known better." Her voice was soothing and calmed the tears of her distraught sibling. "No, Missy, I'm sorry." Scully finally answered. "I understand how you feel. How important it is for you to feel you have a purpose in this life. How much you want to love someone and be loved in return. But this is MY life. Your life?everything you need is out there, waiting for you." "What if I never find it?" Melissa asked in an unaccustomed, reserved tone. "Then you'll still enjoy the change in scenery." Scully added with a sad smile "At least that's what my big sister told me when I left home to go to college." Melissa replied "Is that how you got to be so smart? Taking advice from your big sister?" "I owe her everything." Scully answered with a huge grin. "And don't you forget it!" said the elder Scully. Her sullen expression faded, replaced by her usual cheery demeanor. she decided. "Let's finish dinner then we can go to the roof and eat ice cream and cookies while watching for falling stars. Just like we used to at camp." "Promise you won't ditch me like you did back then?" Scully teased. "Only if I hear 'my life' calling me." Melissa promised. The two sisters spent the remainder of the evening recounting the dreams of youth that turned into wishes when they saw a falling star. But now even as grown women, they each made their own silent wish as they watched a light streak towards earth. Scully wished for a time when she and Mulder could live without regret and fear. Melissa wished for a new beginning and sharing the journey with another soul looking towards the same horizon, even if it only lasted for one moment in time. _____________________________________ SINS OF THE FATHER William Mulder read the employee news letter from the State Department that he still received as a courtesy after his retirement. Normally he didn't bother to even look at it but this time he noticed a small article that mentioned the untimely death of Steven Holvey, who had worked at the Romanian embassy. It wasn't Holvey's name that caught his attention but the mention of Special Agent Fox Mulder as the one who investigated his death. The article stated that the widow wished to thank Agent Mulder and Agent Scully 'for all their help in helping her son adjust after the death.' It had a sinister sound to it but after all, it was an X-File. Bill had always been proud of his son and his accomplishments, even if he'd never been able to tell him. He had a desk drawer full of clippings about him. They were a poor substitute for a real relationship with his son. Their brief time together after the disappearance of the woman who claimed to be Samantha proved to Bill that Fox had become all the things he never had the strength to be. Perhaps the harsh words and deeds he subjected him to as a boy had paid off. Bill sighed regretfully. < No, Fox is strong despite what I did to him, not because of it. > Calling the abuse 'discipline training' was just an excuse for him to take his frustration out on the only person who was completely innocent. But the very act of hurting Fox took away his innocence forever. From that moment, Fox Mulder was destined to be a part of the same dark world that ruined the lives of many good men and women. It was foolish to think any of them could ever escape it. On a sudden impulse, Bill called the State Department and asked how he could get in touch with Holvey's widow. Within the hour, he was nervously calling Maggie Holvey, anxious to know what Fox had done for her. At first she was reluctant to speak with him but she recognized the sound of desperation in his voice, the sound of a concerned parent. She told him the whole story. How Mulder had actually helped to free her child of a demon spirit. How the Calusari who performed the ritual warned Mulder that the Ancient Evil had seen him and now it knew him. She begged Bill to believe the Evil was real and to watch over his own son. As he hung up, Bill marveled the great irony of life. An Ancient Evil had hovered over Fox his whole life and it was his father that brought it to him. But although parts of his life were reduced to veiled shadows, Fox was still his own man pursuing his own beliefs. Bill's old friends had promised to protect him but one had already died keeping that promise. The other one had convinced Bill that only Fox's ignorance and misguided faith kept him alive. Bill accepted his friend's assessment of the situation for years. But that was before he met Dana Scully. It seemed his son's partner had a special skill for keeping him alive and on track. Besides Scully, other things had happened to draw Fox closer to the truth. Perhaps Bill's former colleague was wrong. Perhaps now was the time that only the truth could protect him. It was a frightening and shameful truth. It was a story of betrayal and deceptions that featured Bill Mulder as a prominent character but he wasn't the hero coming to the rescue. In this story there were no heroes, only survivors. For Fox to know the truth, he would have to know the whole story. After that, he would never want to speak to his father again. The pain never faded. The chest pains from his weakened heart were nothing compared to the hurt that continued clear into the next generation. Was that the only legacy he gave to Fox? There was still a chance to bequest to his son the truth that he longed for, the truth that might save his life. The time was coming soon but not quite yet. Bill Mulder rummaged through the drawer that contained the history of his son's life and lingered over an old photo of Fox and Dana when they were married in England. He savored the last few moments as the father of a son who loved him. _______________________________________ THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE FBI AD Skinner slipped quietly into his home at 2 AM so as not to disturb his wife, Sharon. His long hours and demanding work took a heavy toll on her and he didn't want to compound it with a lack of sleep. Skinner settled on the couch as he often did when he came home so late. He knew he could have left the office like everyone else at 5 PM but instead he stayed late making phone calls and setting up meetings with people who didn't keep regular office hours. he thought to himself. It was Mulder's insistence that the spread of the F. Emasculata borne illness wasn't an accident that made him stay late. How dare Mulder question Skinner 's integrity and his motives. Skinner had pulled out every resource to protect him and Scully but all Mulder knew was that Skinner wouldn't stick his own neck out to back Mulder's story. The scene in his office replayed in his troubled conscience?. "I needed to know where you stand." Mulder challenged accusingly. "I stand right on the line that you keep crossing." Skinner barked back. "I cross it because you don't have the guts to." Mulder shot back. "What are you protecting? Yourself or 'them'?" "Damn it, Mulder! I'm protecting you!" the AD shouted back. "Don't you realize that someone out there is just waiting for you to screw up again so they can rake you across the coals?" Frustrated, Skinner tried calming down and lowering his voice to a normal tone. "Look, Mulder. You have a talent? a skill for understanding the things the rest of us can't even imagine. That's why you're still here and the X-Files remain open. But you're so obsessed, you can't always clearly see the danger. They'll use that obsession to set you up and discredit you." Mulder fumed silently but nodded in reluctant agreement. "I have to draw the line and hold you back sometimes. It's for your own good." The words echoed with ringing anger in Mulder's ears. He'd heard those words before from his father, as he punished Mulder for his youthful weakness. "I don't need you to watch out for me! Scully and I can take care of ourselves. I just need to know you won't stand in our way." "Like it or not Mulder, you still work for me." Skinner growled back. "I want to help you. I want to believe you. But not at the cost of sacrificing you both." Mulder looked doubtfully at Skinner and turned to leave. Skinner felt compelled to offer some token of proof that he truly cared about Mulder's quest for the truth. "Agent Mulder, I'm telling you as a friend ? watch your back. This is only the beginning." Mulder paused but said nothing as he left the office. Turning back to his couch, Skinner cursed Mulder again for making him feel so guilty. Mulder just didn't understand that when people are watching, like CSM watches Skinner, you have to know when to back off. Skinner grumbled to himself. So after hours of work what did Skinner find? Not a damn thing. At least not anything anyone could prove. He listened to people crazier than Mulder rave about plots and secret experiments but no one had any hard evidence or even a solid lead. Skinner knew Mulder was right but without something substantial to act upon, Skinner would be putting his own position in jeopardy if he challenged the system. he concluded. She was the buffer zone between Mulder and the rest of the world, including the AD's office. Skinner never liked the idea that they were married but it seemed to help keep Mulder sane. Scully had more integrity and sheer courage than any other agent under his supervision. They weren't the kind of skills you could show off to the Director, like Mulder's profiling skills, but field agents knew when the shit hit the fan they were the only things that mattered. Skinner had gone to bat for Scully even when he couldn't defend Mulder's actions. So much in fact that his colleagues accused him of having an affair with her. Of course they had no grounds for an investigation but Skinner hated the fact that people constantly ignored Scully's true talents. The fact that she was a young attractive woman seemed to distract everyone, including Mulder, and sometimes it got to Skinner as well. But it was something he knew he had to dismiss from his thoughts if he wanted to be her champion. Skinner chuckled to himself, thinking that even though he backed Mulder almost as much as Scully, no one ever accused him of having an affair with 'Spooky'. Just then Sharon entered the room and flicked on the lights. "Walter, why didn't you come to bed?" she asked with a yawn. Skinner went to her and tenderly kissed her forehead. "I didn't want to wake you up." She smiled sadly and answered "I'm awake now. So why don't you come to bed?" Skinner shook his head. "I have to leave early tomorrow. I have a meeting on the Hill at 7 and?" "Is it about them again?" Sharon asked sternly. The 'them' she meant was Mulder and Scully. It seemed these two agents took a big portion of his time especially after hours. Sharon knew very little about her husband's work, because that was the way he wanted it but she knew about these two agents and the X-Files. In all the years, she had never seen Walter speak of any agents with the same respect he had for them but at the same time no agents ever demanded so much of his time. "Well, not exactly?" Skinner growled. The frown on Sharon's face told him what a terrible liar he was. "I'm just trying to find out if a case they opened warrants further investigation." "Isn't that their job?" she questioned, as she wandered back towards her bedroom. "They can't risk further involvement. Agent Mulder can't be objective and Agent Scully was already subjected to?" he paused when he realized he was saying too much. The nature of these cases weren't Sharon's concern. She stopped in her tracks and took his hand. "It's all right, Walter. You can tell me. I promise I won't talk." she teased. Skinner smiled at her then gave her a hug. "It's not that. It's just that everything they touch seems to become a target and I don't want that to be you." She pulled away and shot him a cold stare. "So it should be you instead?" Her look softened as she said "If it affects you, it affects me. Honestly, some times I'm jealous of Agent Scully working with her husband." The smile on Skinner's face betrayed an emotion he hadn't meant to display- his affection for Scully. The look would have been missed by anyone else but not by his wife. She broke from his arms and stormed into the bedroom and shut the door. Clenching his teeth, Skinner followed her but as he opened the door Sharon called out. "Don't come in! I don't want to hear you tell me again and again that there's nothing going on between you and her." "But there's not!" he roared. "Why does everyone think that just because I respect the woman, we're having an affair." The door flew open and Sharon glared at him. "Because you are. And with Mulder, too. You've given them everything you used to give me. Devotion, support, encouragement, protection?" "But not my love. That's why I married you." Skinner insisted as gently as possible "Walter, let's be honest. I've seen Agent Scully and I know that her husband borderlines on abusive. If she came to you, alone and needing someone to comfort her, we both know you wouldn't turn her away." Sharon said plainly. "Are you saying that you're shutting me out for something I might do some day?" Skinner asked as he held his anger in check over the accusation. "Would you tell me if it did happen?" Skinner sighed "No. I suppose I wouldn't. But?" "So how do I know it hasn't happened already?" she replied bluntly. Indignant, Skinner roared "Because it hasn't! I may not tell you everything that happens but I've never lied to you." He shifted to a quieter tone and said "I don't want to lose you over this." Sharon sighed and firmly held his hand. "I think I lost you a long time ago. It's only now when I see that someone else has found you that I realized it. I'm sorry, Walter." Skinner became quietly desperate. "Sharon, there has to be some way to work this out. You know I still love you." "I can't ask or expect you to desert Mulder and Scully. Any more than I would expect you to ask for a divorce." Sharon stated plainly. "That's why I'm moving out. As soon as possible. If we discover we're happier apart than together, we should file for divorce." Skinner just stood there shaking his head and trying to kiss his wife. "No, please. You have to give me a chance?" "No, you have to give me a chance." She insisted pushing him away. "I want to have a life. Not a shell of an existence I had sixteen years ago when we first married. And you need to follow the path you've chosen and do your job so that you can make a difference." "Then I'll move out." Skinner rejoined. "This is your home more than mine. I can move out as soon as I find a place. If that's what you want." "I want you to leave the FBI and be an ordinary husband but we both know that's not happening. This is my only other option." Sharon replied sadly as she gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek then turned away and shut the door. Skinner wandered back to the couch in the living room. "Mulder, if you only knew how much you're fucking up my life." Skinner swore. And Scully was fucking it up even worse but Skinner couldn't bring himself to blame her. He sighed as he realized that Sharon was right, that he would never turn Scully away. Her relationship with Mulder was so explosive that one day she might need a shoulder to cry on. A big shoulder, like the one in the AD's office. Skinner knew he'd give Scully anything she wanted, anything but his heart. In a moment of crystal clarity, he knew the meaning of his life. Even if they were lifetimes apart, Skinner's heart still belonged to Sharon. ________________________________________________ UP IN SMOKE The Cigarette Smoking Man smiled smugly as he recalled the look on Mulder's face as he left Skinner's office, enraged that Skinner would allow the cover-up to continue but powerless to intervene himself. If Mulder had gone public with the story of a deliberate outbreak of a contagion, he would have been easily discredited. And now Mulder was even more at odds with the only man in the FBI who defended him. With Scully as his partner, the chances of any actual harm coming to Mulder had been minimal. So for now, the frustrated agent would continue to chase phantoms and believe what he was led to believe. CSM was proud of himself. He had been able to manipulate the circumstances so that he could fulfill the various agendas he was obligated to. It took nothing more than a basic understanding of human nature and a little leg work. He didn't need any mainframe computers or data/fax lines. Simple tools always worked the best, just like his old typewriter, reliable and efficient. CSM disdainfully regarded the lap top computer his associates gave him. They insisted that he be well versed in its operation, especially the e-mail function. Although on-line communication was not secure, it was faster, or so he was told. < What's wrong with using the phone lines? > he argued silently. Fumbling with the wires and plugs, he connected the computer to the remote phone line. They had assured him that this line was protected with a failsafe backup and that it would only be used for Level 3 or lower messages. Of course he knew better than to trust men whose very existence depended on the perpetuation of lies. Finally he was ready to start the infernal machine. He tolerated the cute start up sounds and followed the instructions to access the e-mail system. As he typed awkwardly on the tiny keyboard, he cursed the country's fascination for high tech gadgets. True, some of these toys made his job easier, especially for doing covert surveillance, but nothing could ever replace the power of head-to-head confrontation. CSM relished the memory of his face off with Mulder in Skinner's office. Arrogantly, Mulder tried to wash his hands of the cover-up until CSM reminded him that people were dying because Mulder refused to do his job. Just catch the escaped convicts and no one else would become infected. Was his ideology worth more than the lives of innocent citizens? The look on Mulder's face was all CSM needed to see to know that Mulder would be back in the field using his unique talents to reluctantly serve the agenda of the Syndicate. How could e-mail ever replace that facet of his work? The laptop was just a lifeless tool. It didn't even have the energetic resonance of a typewriter or pen. It was the difference between pushing a button and pulling a trigger to end a life. A true man had the courage to fire the shot himself. CSM had already given up so many aspects of his personal involvement; he truly hated another machine that removed him even further from the firing line. But there was little chance of escaping this new trend so he resigned himself to making the best of the situation. IF CSM had to send an e-mail, he would at least give the message some character. He pulled out the latest 'Raul Bloodworth' novel and selected a passage. He'd always had a secret desire to show the stories off to his associates but he knew he risked ridicule and reprimand for revealing so much of the Project in the form of popular fiction. Now was his chance to pretend it was nothing but a form of 'code talking.' After typing the story into the body of the e-mail, he selected an address from the list, code name 'Well Manicured Man', then hit 'Send'. When it asked for his password he typed in the password he had selected earlier – trustno1. In a flash, the message was sent and he thought to himself He sent two more e-mails to other colleagues then began to browse the Internet connection. He stumbled upon a chat room for mystery writers. As he lurked, he felt a need to tell these amateurs that they had no idea what intrigue really was. Then suddenly someone going by the screen name 'The Bard', began to deride the others for their shallow insights into the intricate workings of a government conspiracy. CSM cheered for The Bard who pointed out that the sorry James Bond-ish heroes that so many of the writers featured were nothing more than unruly, undisciplined renegades. The true heroes were those who hid in the shadows and made things happen, quietly and ruthlessly, for the benefit of all of mankind. The Bard came under attack from the others in the chat room who couldn't accept the idea of a benevolent Big Brother. Feeling bold with anonymity, CSM jumped into the fray in defense of The Bard. Under the screen name 'El Fumerol', CSM extolled the virtues of law and order over pride and passion. He argued that a hero should put his cause before his personal needs instead of ending each episode in bed with some woman that was suppose to be his comrade. He claimed that their prejudice against the secret government was a product of years of brainwashing by what he called "Little Brother", the popular press and the entertainment industry. "Little Brother has no real power. If they simply described things as they are, people would lose interest so they sensationalize and create a state of paranoia. In the wake of the confusion, they seize power over the minds of those who don't know what to believe." Several people responded in agreement so he continued his campaign. "And when the government tries to protect the public good by the discreet suppression of information, they cry 'CONSPIRACY! The people have a right to know!' When someone yells the sky is falling, people panic. When people panic, someone is always hurt." Once again, a flurry of positive responses appeared on the screen. "If the warning comes from the government, you can bet the panic will increase ten-fold, and so will the injuries. That's why Big Brother has to hold up the sky even if it is falling, even as Little Brother kicks furiously at his heels. Big Brother is there to protect the people." A wild free for all began but it seemed the lopsided confrontation had ended. The Bard thanked El Fumerol and discreetly left the chat room. CSM sat back and enjoyed the hot debate on-line while tossing in a few nuggets of wisdom. He was beginning to have a change of heart about this new medium when the program announced he had mail. Opening the mail program, he discovered a response from 'The Well Manicured Man'. It said, "In the future, please restrict yourself to a simple 'TEST' message, otherwise send something decent to read. The rambling claptrap I received is THE MOST inane attempt at dramatic prose I have ever read. It frightens me to imagine you reading such nonsense. Suffice it to say, the program works despite the acrid nature of the message you transmitted." CSM fumed without the benefit of his usual cigarette. < How dare he judge me? That pompous elitist snob. > Two more responses to his e-mails arrived, equally critical of his writing, although none were aware that he was the actual author of the passage. They assumed that he was deliberately trying to annoy them. "So this is what you have to offer me?" CSM accused the small computer. " Hollow, instant gratification only to be negated by biting, instant rejection. As if I needed either one." He pulled the cords from the wall sockets, closed the top and threw the machine in the trash basket. Then he pulled out a blank piece of paper and put it in his typewriter and started typing. He lit another cigarette and puffed furiously as he crafted his latest piece of fiction in his own particular idiom. He smiled smugly to himself once again and thought < They can't tell me what to do. They need me to do what I do best – fix their problems. They allow me to mastermind the dirty work so they can sit in their homes with their precious families and pretend they have clean hands. Fine, I'm willing to make those sacrifices but I control how I do my job. > 'Raul Bloodworth' echoed his words in print. Recalling the praise and thanks he received in the chat room, he looked longingly at the trash basket. For those few moments, he had his fame and glory as a hero in the eyes of others. Perhaps someday, those people would come forth and recognize him in a more appropriate setting. He crushed out his cigarette and reluctantly retrieved the laptop from the trash and gingerly placed it in the bottom drawer of his desk. He slid the drawer shut then pulled the paper from his typewriter and crumpled it into the trash. He lit another cigarette and turned on the TV, waiting for opportunity to call. In another dark room, far away... The Well Manicured Man shut down the computer as he mumbled "What an idiot! A good aim and a cold heart and he thinks he's important!" What the Syndicate needed were men of depth and insight, like that 'El Fumerol' fellow from the chat room. How unfortunate that it was inappropriate to make contacts in such a public forum. Still for once, it was nice for 'the Bard' to have an ally when he faced the moment of judgment. _________________________________________ COMING HOME (Warning: Contains semi-graphic descriptions of sexual situations) "Fuck Washington DC! Fuck this whole damn country!" the young man swore as he struggled with the road map as he drove. It was dark, the light in the car was fading, and he was behind schedule. Just like his whole life, what started as a simple assignment had turned into a nightmare. Just one load of crap after another. First, they told him it was his duty to follow orders for the sake of his county. Then, over the years, they told him it was his punishment for being unfaithful to the cause. Now they told him it was the only thing keeping him alive. They gave him new orders every month. Leave town immediately. Get back here on the double. Work downtown but don't let anyone in the FBI see you. Alex Krychek hated his life. He'd always tried to do what he thought was right, for himself and for his country. But he was possessed of a wonderful Machiavellian sense of right and wrong that was quickly exploited when he tried to join the Service at the tender age of 22. Singled out as a patriot and extremist, he was recruited and trained for covert operations overseas by our secret government. At the time, it seemed important and he thought he was the right man for the job. When the operation in Russia broke down, he was sent back to the US to act as an FBI agent, specifically to be partnered with Fox Mulder. Protect the secrets, keep an eye on him. It was not as simple as it sounded especially when Mulder's emotions regarding Scully were involved. When that job went to hell, he got shipped out again working as an assassin in the Middle East. Now they had the nerve to bring him back to DC to orient some new guy. 'Or else' they said when he tried to refuse. So now Krychek was driving around like a maniac trying to locate this new operative, using the lousy directions X gave him, and trying not to be spotted by anyone whom he may have crossed on his previous assignment. He no longer had any idea if what he was doing had anything to do with National Security or if he was just some rat in a maze, running around for some sick bastard's entertainment. And he knew which sick bastard it would be. Cancer Man –that's what Mulder liked to call him. CSM knew that if Mulder or Scully spotted him, he'd be dead but still he ordered Krychek to 'bug' Scully's apartment. CSM even made him listen in as the two agents made love then teased him about his fascination with Mulder. It was true. Krychek was insanely jealous of both Mulder and Scully. Mulder was just as dark and obsessed as him but he managed to have his own life. True, Mulder was easily manipulated but his passions were always true even if his actions faltered. Mulder was so blinded by his pursuits, he would believe almost any thing if properly packaged. Mulder was raw passion looking for a purpose. Krychek had touched that passion briefly and it gave him a sense of life again. But unlike Krychek, Mulder had a code of ethics that held back his most extreme actions. That's what kept him free. His integrity and honesty made him valuable as a diversion if they could control his beliefs. Krychek, however, sold his soul and his passion to the Syndicate and there was no escape from duty, because there was no life beyond it. Krychek envied Scully for the control she kept over Mulder. She managed to reign in his passionate pursuits so they could follow a logical course. She constantly purged his guilt and renewed his lust for life with her absolute love. It was something Krychek could never give to another nor did he ever expect to receive it from anyone. Krychek tried to imagine what it would be like to have a woman like her in his life but decided he'd kill her within a week. Scully was too controlling. On the other hand, what would it be like to be her, to command such blind faith from Mulder? To be able to hold Mulder's raw passion at bay then release it for his own pleasure. Such power Scully had and she didn't even realize it. The dream of power was intoxicating to Krychek, having been a pawn for so long in a game he no longer understood. Just like a trapped pawn, there was no way out but death. He knew too much and if he ran they would find him and bring him back or kill him. Some days he wondered if it was worth the risk. If he could lord over Mulder the way Scully did, he'd be too valuable to kill but it wasn't likely that he'd ever wield that power. If he could just have one aspect of his life that he controlled, just the hint of a real life, a taste of his own passion once again, then he would know he had a chance for freedom. Krychek's personal reflections were halted as he finally found Luis Cardinal, the new operative. They quickly exchanged the proper codes to confirm their identities, as was customary in this line of work. "It about time." Cardinal grumbled as he approached the car. "I don't see why I have to have an escort. I'm not exactly an amateur." "Look, I'm just following orders." Krychek sighed. "There are several people in this town that would love to see me dead, so parading around with you isn't exactly my idea of a holiday." Climbing into the car, the other man regarded Krychek with disdain. "Are you scared, Krychek? Are those FBI agents too much for you to handle? Especially that red-head, Scully isn't it?" Krychek bristled at his remarks. he thought to himself. Apparently someone already briefed Cardinal on the X-Files agents but this new comer had no idea how dangerous Mulder and Scully could be. "Don't let the fact that they're legit fool you. Mulder is two steps away from psychotic and Scully will hunt you down and rip you to pieces if you hurt Mulder." "I think we can handle them." snorted Cardinal as he settled back into his seat. Krychek decided not to say anything more. Instead, he decided that he needed some distraction from this arrogant new partner. As they drove through the late night streets, Krychek spotted a bookstore. The marquee advertised it as specializing in New Age, paranormal, philosophy and foreign language books, open to 2 AM nightly. "Listen, I just want to make a quick stop here?" Cardinal grumbled that they had a meeting in half an hour but Krychek ignored him and cautiously entered the bookstore. he thought to himself. As risky as it was, Krychek had a sudden urge to remind himself that the whole world wasn't controlled by the Syndicate. He knew what he wanted so he went straight to the only clerk in the store. He tapped on the counter and the clerk whirled around, greeting him with bright blue eyes and auburn locks. Krychek was almost startled by her cheerfulness in such a dark place at such a late hour. "Can I help you?" she offered pleasantly. Krychek cleared his throat and regained his composure. "Yeah I'm looking for a book? 'Revolutionary Catechism' by Mikhail Bakunin." The young woman shook her head. "I'm not familiar with the title. Is it a new release?" Krychek half smiled and answered "Actually it was printed in the latter half of the 19 th century. In Russia. Bakunin was a outspoken proponent of the violent overthrow of established governments to be replace by a self determining Anarchy of the populace." The woman smiled back and turned to her computer screen. "Well, it certainly sounds like something we SHOULD have." As she typed, she gazed over at the intense young man and asked quietly, "If you don't mind me asking?are you the type that believes in violent revolution?" Krychek sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "It not a matter of believing. It's a matter of practicality. For Anarchy to reign, the current power structure must be destroyed." She pouted at his answer. "In my experience, what you believe in makes all the difference in the world. It shapes your realm of possibilities." Looking back at her screen, she said "Here it is. I have to special order it." Krychek was quickly becoming intrigued by this philosophical red-head. "Can you get a copy written in Russian?" he asked hopefully. The clerk sighed and typed some more. She expressed her own views as she searched for Krychek's selection. "Personally, I believe in a quiet revolution. Actually more of an 'evolution' – the self-actualization of one person at a time, leading to a cascade of universal self-awareness. Violence is a crutch, a tool of despair." Krychek smiled out right. If only she knew how desperate the world really was. He challenged her, saying "Bakunin said 'the urge to destroy is also a creative urge'." She looked at him thoughtfully with her soft blue eyes and asked, "Are you trying to express a creative urge?" Krychek felt a sudden sense of arousal he hadn't allowed himself to experience in a long time. Maybe it was because for the first time in years, he wasn't hiding behind a façade or playing a role. He was openly honest and she was responding. Just then Cardinal begin honking the horn. Krychek ignored it as the young woman told him the book was available but would take about four days to get and was rather expensive. Her eyes widened with surprise when he paid in full, in cash. "You should be careful carrying that much money around." she warned as Krychek just nodded in agreement. She handed him a slip of paper and asked him to write down his name and number so they could contact him when the book came. "Uh?my employer insists I remain low profile. Certain people wouldn't be happy if they found out I was in town." Krychek said hesitantly. "Is that why you want it in Russian? So they don't know what kind of dangerous ideas you have?" she teased. "What are you? Corporate head-hunter? Redesign engineer? International spy?" she joked. Krychek bit his lower lip to hide the sly smile. "Something like that." he mumbled. "Well?" she hummed then said "I suppose I could put it in my name. Then you could just stop by in a week or so and pick it up from me. If you trust me, that is." Krychek beamed in appreciation and said "You'd do that for me?" The clerk nodded. "I guess I don't have much choice except to trust you. Listen, if there's anything I can do for you?" he started to offer. "Just two things actually. First, your name. Just your first name is fine." "Alex." he answered softly as he extended his hand and gentle shook hers in a tender greeting. "And you are?" "Melissa. Melissa?." She paused and considered the necessity of giving him her last name. "Just Melissa." Forgetting for a minute his disappointment with the world, Krychek gently kissed her hand "So, what else can I do for you, Melissa?" "Dinner." she replied boldly. "I get off work at 8 next Saturday. You can pick up your book then we can go somewhere where we can talk and get a bite to eat." She studied the hesitant look on his face and wondered if she had read too much into his manner. But before she could apologize he kissed her hand again. "Saturday then." Krychek replied quietly. Just then he noticed Cardinal standing just outside the door. He abruptly stepped away from Melissa and headed for the exit, but his eyes locked back on to hers just before he left. The desire was unmistakable but it would have to wait until Saturday. Cardinal leered at Krychek as they returned to the car. "If you needed a woman I could have found you something a lot faster. And more willing." Krychek thought to himself. "I was just ordering a book." he mumbled as he drove off. Krychek despised prostitutes and women who acted like them. The buying and selling of sex was the ultimate debasement of personal power. It turned the most intelligent men into hormone driven animals. Even the great Mulder succumbed to the attractions of sex for sale, albeit only in the form of videos and magazines. Men deluded themselves into imagining they had power over these women but the opposite was true. And the women knew it. They gave nothing of their own control, save a few shreds of dignity and a transient surrender of flesh. Of course they put their life at risk with each trick, but each man they serviced came to them with a need that only they could fulfill. In his line of work, Krychek had no room for intimate relationships. A few moments of intensity amidst a lifetime of solitude was the best he could hope for. But those encounters had to grow from mutual and sincere passion otherwise he was just another animal answering his biological calling. Melissa started the chain reaction of emotions that Krychek denied himself in the light of lesser women. Saturday couldn't come soon enough for Krychek. As promised, Melissa was waiting for him at the store with the book. He gratefully accepted it and escorted her into the night. They went to a pub that lacked the trendy trappings of the more popular bars. Its dark rich wooden booths complimented the basic earthy fare they served. As Krychek talked about world order and revolution, Melissa saw the darkness within him surface. Slowly drawn in herself, she shared her own ideas about personal freedom and power. They by-passed the light banter and casual teasing common to Mulder and Scully and went straight for the heart. When the pub closed, they found their way back to Melissa's place and continued the conversation. Melissa's outlook fascinated Krychek. She understood the cruel nature of the world but still had hope for mankind. She believed in the power of a single person over the forces of mass control. His emotions soared as he discovered sexual desire churning in her wake. To surrender to her would be no defeat but a true meeting of souls. He knew he had to leave before he dragged her into his life. "It's late. I'd better go." he whispered as he placed a chaste kiss on her cheek. Melissa tried to return the kiss but he was already at the door. She stood behind him and rested her hand on his shoulder, stopping him dead in his tracks. She could hear his breathing speed up to a labored pant as he faced the door with his hand on the knob. "I don't really want to leave." he said painfully. "Then don't." she whispered as her lips brushed against his ear. Krychek nearly jumped at the sensation. She slowly backed away as he turned to face her. The flushed look of her face signaled him that she felt the passion just as strongly as he did but she waited for him to decide. Krychek felt more than the hot desire to ravage her body. He wanted to tear open her soul and merge it with his in the violent destruction of individual identity. How could she possibly know this would be more than a single moment of shared lust? He tried to speak to warn her that he lived in a world were hope was dead but as he stared into her eyes, he saw a hope for his own salvation. Gasping like a man hungering for air, he said "I don't know what to say." "Then don't say anything." she replied as her arms pulled him closer and her lips touched his. Krychek's mind exploded like a powder keg as his body gave up its restraints. In an instant he was upon her, pulling his fingers through her red hair, pressing his hips against her. She answered just as wildly, raking her nails down his back, tugging savagely at his belt. With lustful abandon, he tore at her blouse and tasted the delicate flesh of her breast. Not to be out done, she slid her hand down his hips, slipping off his pants, then caressing his throbbing erection. Krychek groaned loudly in response and it triggered a mutual frenzy, removing the physical barriers to their passion. Stripped and anxious, Melissa pulled him to the couch. As Krychek pinned her down with his weight, he fought the desire to force himself on her. The physical act would only give a few moments of gratification. He wanted much, much more from this joining. "Tell me." he hissed through clenched teeth. "Why me? Why now?" "You are the darkness that completes me." She moaned as she moved sensuously below him, positioning herself against his sex. Before he could respond, she thrust her body up to meet his. Krychek gasped instinctively at the sensation of penetration under her force. The powerful mixture of control and surrender drove him beyond ecstasy as he forgot his pain and disillusionment. He wouldn't dare to call it love but the feeling filled him so completely he wanted only to live for her pleasure, knowing her rapture would satisfy his need. At the shattering climax, there was but one body and spirit, shared by two halves of loneliness. The gradual light told Krychek to wake up and leave but the warm soft beauty beside him beckoned him to stay. He couldn't believe this was really happening. It had been so long since anything in his life went right, he wasn't sure if he could trust his own senses. Then Melissa stirred and kissed him. Melissa curled around her lover and murmured softly "If you must leave and you can't ever see me again, I'll understand. I know your life style can't accommodate?" "Shush, quiet." he whispered as he kissed her. "You're a part of me now, even if I never see you again. No promises, no obligations. Don't concern yourself with tomorrow. It will be here soon enough." She answered with a gentle hug as she thought to herself Then she studied the stranger beside her and knew at once everything she needed to know about him. Melissa vowed to keep her liaison secret from her sister, rationalizing < After all, she stays with Mulder and Alex can't be any worse than him. > Krychek closed his eyes and savored a few final minutes with her. He reflected that just a few days ago he cursed this city and his own existence. But now, for the first time since he became a part of the Syndicate, he felt as if he belonged somewhere. For just one moment in time, he had a home with Melissa. _________________________ X MARKS THE SPOT X watched Dr. Banton as he babbled nonsense under the flashing lights. The 'mind suck' the doctor feared didn't exist but his paranoia of it. So under the influence of what he thought was a device to extract information from his brain about the destructive force of 'dark matter', the good doctor drove himself to madness. Now all that was left was the shell of a man that had been a genius and a body that could cast deadly shadows. The mysteries of why it only affected living matter or how it could be harnessed remained unanswered as the research continued. X nodded at the technician as he acknowledged the extent of the work ahead then left the room. X took the long road home across back roads and empty countryside, as he considered his recent actions. He lied to Mulder, saying he knew nothing about Banton when in reality he had been instrumental in creating the scenario that would force Mulder to bring Banton into his grasp. But he had been sincere when he warned Mulder of the dangers ahead. Just when X felt as if he had no capacity left for compassion or guilt, Mulder would come along to force the issue. In the end, X had help Banton 'escape' even as he took him into custody. By killing Dr. Davey, Banton's colleague, and overloading the accelerator in the process, there was nothing left to reveal the nature of the dark matter but Banton himself. X had done his job as ordered but at the same time he prevented the horrible abuse of scientific research that had gone out of control. It would be years before they could reproduce Banton's accident. No one would ever know, not even Mulder. X and his late predecessor, 'Deep Throat', knew the importance of the Project and its implementation but unlike their associates, they believed that the Syndicate was poorly managed and wasteful of resources. They didn't have all the answers although they pretended to. X thought to himself, Mulder was the key to both X's private agenda and the Syndicate's grand plan. The Syndicate wanted to feed him misleading information and use him as a smoke screen to hide their real activities. X wanted to supply him with vital information so he could uncover the truth. But Mulder was a wild card at best. Even with Skinner and Scully reigning him in all the time, he threatened to explode into a frenzy of ill-conceived actions that would get them all killed. X understood his outrage. It hadn't been that long ago that X was just like Mulder. Actually, Mulder was more paranoid and manic but that was part of the Syndicate's plan. Still, in days past, X had the same idealism and integrity, and faith in the 'doing the right thing,' He even had his own version of 'Scully', until she was sacrificed for the greater good of the Project. X stopped the car near an abandoned farmhouse. He slowly climbed from the car and stared into the open field. This was the place. It was here he lost his innocence and learned the truth. It was here he decided the course that would guide the rest of his life. He recalled the sound of gunshots, the flash of light, the horrible screams then finally, the deafening silence and blackness. When it was all over, she was gone and the dark Truth took her place in his life. Mulder would never know this place. He had his own hell to face. But would he stand and fight or would he surrender to the darkness? X believed Mulder would fight. He bet his life on it every time Mulder asked for help and he responded. X told himself that Mulder was just a tool, a device for making things happens, things they both wanted. But the reality was that Mulder was his only hope. Mulder was the one with the intuition to understand, the compassion to care and the courage to fight. Coupled with Scully's demand for proof of his ideas while still having steadfast faith in the man, Mulder's obsession could lead him to the truth he sought. Once uncovered, it could change the future. But nothing could change the past. X climbed back in his car and drove away, promising himself never to return, just as he had every time he stopped there before. In their last meeting, Mulder had told X he wanted nothing more to do with him. " Too bad, Mulder. I still need you." X whispered into the darkness. "I'll do what I can to save your sorry soul and hope you're half the man I once was. The truth is out there, and if you don't find it, IT will find you. Just like it found me." There were some moments in history destined to be repeated over and over again. X hoped to God that moment of hopelessness wasn't one of them. _______________________________ DEATH BECOMES HER Mulder felt a rush of gratitude as he kissed his wife sleeping at his side. He never took for granted that he would spend the night with her and it had been over a week since he had. After the death of Detective Ryan in the 'dark matter' case, Scully needed some time alone to come to terms with her role in the young policewoman's demise. Scully agonized over her decision to walk away from Ryan's case. Mulder had insisted that the circumstances required unconventional investigation but Ryan only saw that they had caught the 'murderer' and she was getting the credit for a job well done. Anxious to help her former student and knowing how difficult it was for women to earn respect in the male dominated world of law enforcement, Scully ignored Mulder's suggestions. In the end, his theory seemed like the only plausible explanation and Scully wondered if she could have prevented Ryan's death by believing Mulder. So, Mulder gave Scully time to be alone with her ruminations. Besides, he felt a need for his own private reflections after his last meeting with X. Since they worked together, the only way she could be alone was to spend the night apart. As difficult as it was for Mulder, he knew it was necessary and that it wasn't meant to shut him out. It was simply the nature of trying to deal with their work on the X-Files – cases like their latest one involving ritualistic executions and cannibalism. For what it was worth, Mulder and Scully uncovered a town-wide conspiracy in the small community of Dudley. The townspeople had murdered 'outsiders' and consumed the bodies to prolong their own lives. One thing made this case meaningful to Mulder. They tried to kill Scully and he came to the rescue at the last moment. When all the fervor over the crimes calmed down and they returned home, Scully told Mulder that she wanted him back home with her. So tonight for the first time in days, they made love. This was never a mundane chore for Scully or Mulder, as they knew that tomorrow one or both of them could be killed. On this night in particular, the intensity bordered on painful. Exhausted after the physically and emotionally draining climax, Scully rapidly fell asleep, but Mulder remained restless. The desire that had built up after several days of abstinence, multiplied by the anxiousness of seeing Scully at death's door once again, spurred Mulder on to continue his amorous attentions to his sleeping wife. Scully slept so deeply, she remained almost totally non-responsive. His mouth and hands explored the most intimate and sensitive areas of her body but she did little more than moan and shift away from him. Instead of growing frustrated, Mulder felt as if she was gently teasing him and soon became fully aroused again. He tried to satisfy the desire by masturbating next to her but surrendered to the urge to enter her once again. Her passage was still slick from their previous mating so her body offered no resistance. He rarely engaged in such guilty pleasures, knowing how she valued control over her life, but tonight her passive acceptance was exhilarating. She barely moved as his forceful thrusts brought him to a rapid orgasm. Mulder still felt unsatisfied but savored the lingering desire as its own pleasure. Sleep finally caught up with Mulder's tired body. Before long, his dreams drove him towards a disturbing resolution to his unabated lust. He recalled the scene in that field in Dudley. Scully was helpless, gagged and restrained in a crude device designed to hold her still as the executioner beheaded her. The blade of the large axe, tainted with blood as it glistened in the moonlight, was poised above her. Mulder fired his gun at the masked executioner then watched as the man and the blade dropped to the ground. Mulder ran to Scully but instead of freeing her as he had in real life, he stripped her and raped her as she remained in the restraining device. She made no attempt at resistance as if she offered herself as his reward. Suddenly the executioner rose to his feet again but Mulder was too lost in his ecstasy to notice him until it was too late. In a flash, the blade came swinging downward, cleanly separating Scully's head from her body. Suddenly Mulder came in a violent climax, pumping his vital essence into her lifeless body. Mulder woke with a terrifying scream. Instinctively, Scully leapt from the bed and reached for the gun in her nightstand. Startled, confused and disoriented, Mulder reacted by lunging at her and pinning her face down on the floor. Scully heard his ragged breathing and felt his erect member pressing between her thighs then quickly realized he was lost between nightmares and fantasies. "Fox!" she shouted "Wake up! You're hurting me!" She wasn't really hurting except a few bruises from being tackled but she knew those words would break through any lingering disorientation. She was right. Mulder quickly scrambled away from her and curled into a ball in the corner of the room, totally panicked and frightened. He gulped breaths of cold night air trying to separate his dreams from reality. He watched wide-eyed as Scully, naked and definitely alive, slowly approached him. Tongue-tied, he held his hand up to signal her to stop. She halted immediately then pulled her robe from the foot of the bed and slipped it on. Then she took his robe and slid it towards him. He grabbed it and nervously covered himself, still shaking with fear and confusion. "Fox, I'm all right." Scully said softly. "What happened?" Mulder curled up even tighter and shook his head vigorously. He had sorted out the preceding events but was still too horrified by his dream to say anything. Violent dreams and fantasies were nothing new to him but he thought he had come to terms with the worst of them. There was no way to console himself after this last dream especially since the memory of the powerful orgasm triggered by Scully's execution continued to excite and arouse him. Scully knew that whatever was happening to Mulder, her proximity made it worse. She slowly backed away and whispered firmly, "I'm not leaving you. I'm trying to give you some space. I'm going to the bed. When you're ready, you can join me there. Or you can talk to me from there. I'm here for you. Fox. When you're ready, just tell me what you need." Mulder began to cry uncontrollably. He had taken advantage of her in her sleep, raped her in his dreams, and climaxed at the thought of her death. Still, she was there for him. He felt like a miserable, unworthy piece of shit. If he told her of his dream would she still be so supportive? < Of course she would be; she's Dana. > he told himself. That only made him more depressed. He remained in the corner all night, silent except his sobs. As morning approached, Scully still hadn't fallen asleep. So she rose and tried to go to Mulder again but he just whimpered and withdrew. She'd never seen him so lost before and had no idea what to do. She was on the verge of calling professional help but since he seemed to be trying to work it out himself, she wanted to give him that opportunity. In the mean time she decided to take a shower and get dressed, hoping it would help clear her own mind. She softly told him she would be right back and he nodded shyly. When she returned from the shower, Mulder was gone. He left a note that simply read "Thank you for understanding. I'll see you at work." Scully stared blankly at the hastily written note that told her nothing of Mulder's plight. She quickly checked the living room but Mulder was already gone. She tried to call his cell phone but there was no answer. She had little choice but to leave for the office and hope Mulder would be there. Scully entered their basement office only to find it dark and deserted. She began to wonder if she should call Skinner to see if he had any idea what had gotten into Mulder when she decided to check her e-mail to see if Mulder had left a message. Once again she found a short message with no clue to Mulder's state of mind "New case pending. Went to check on background. Review case number X-030759. Will be back this afternoon." Before signing off she noticed another e-mail. It was from Frohike and it read "Wild life sanctuary acquires rare fox. Experienced expert in animal care sought." The cryptic message could only mean Mulder was at their office and they needed her to come get him. When Scully arrived at the Lone Gunmen's office, Frohike greeted her in his usual friendly manner. "I see you got my message. What do you want first? The good news or the bad news?" Scully sighed and replied "The bad news, I suppose." "Mulder's acting stranger than usual." Frohike explained bluntly. "But the good news is that he's doing it among friends." He gestured for her to follow him to a small lab in the back of the office. There was Mulder, slumped over the counter top, fast asleep. "He came in about an hour ago and asked if we'd heard anything new about dream manipulation. I went to check the file and when I came back, he was engaged in his own dream research. I tried waking him up but he just growled and went back to sleep." Scully frowned and whispered "Is it all right if he stays here for awhile? He didn't get much sleep last night." Frohike raised a curious eyebrow. "Nightmares." she remarked before he got any ideas of his own. "I'll cover for him at work. Just make sure he doesn't sleep ALL day." "We need our lab back eventually." Frohike replied dryly. "Don't worry, Scully. I'll take care of our boy and get him to school on time." he mused. She rewarded him with a gentle touch of her hand to his cheek and a smile. She whispered a quiet thank you and left. Frohike sighed to himself < Man, if I were married to her, I'd never sleep at night. > Just after 1 PM, Mulder returned to the office to find Scully buried deep in the file he'd asked her to review. He looked rather sheepish as he went to his desk and she did little more than nod to acknowledge his presence. He shuffled a few papers on his desk then finally cleared his throat and said "Sorry, I missed you this morning. I?uh?I wanted to check on a few things before we took this case." Ignoring her need to know what happened the night before, Scully simply replied, "So what's the verdict? Do we have a new case of dream affectation?" She pointed to the file he asked her to read on that subject. Mulder shook his head and answered quietly, "No. False alarm. Today we just have some paperwork to catch up on." She nodded without comment and started to return the file to the cabinet. Mulder gestured towards the file and asked "So what did you think? What's your scientific opinion?" Scully knew he wanted to address the issues of his own nightmares but couldn't bring himself to face them. So instead, he breached the subject by asking her to view it as she would an X-File. She carefully considered how to answer honestly without hurting him any further. Her long silence worried Mulder. < Of course she knows you're asking her for help with your sick dreams. > he told himself. He felt the panic and arousal welling up inside as he recalled the vivid dream. Finally she spoke. "From what I've read, there appears to be no detectable component of any paranormal phenomena." she said cautiously. "But there is evidence of powerful external influences that introduce unusual and unexpected elements into the dreams." Mulder nodded thoughtfully, as his panic subsided in the light of her logic. "I realize dreams may have no direct correlation to waking behavior but past experience demonstrates that the potential exists. Prudent action dictates that anyone with sufficiently disturbed dreams should be watched closely for conscious manifestations of these subconscious events." "Perhaps the subject should be more concerned if he stops finding these dreams so disturbing." Scully offered helpfully. Seeing the concern in her eyes, Mulder couldn't pretend any longer and broke down at last. He pulled her into his arms as he began to cry. "Dana," he sobbed "I never want to hurt you." "I know." she whispered as she stroked his hair. "But I can't help you if I don't know what's happening to you." "Just promise me that if I ever try to hurt you, you won't hesitate to fight back. Shoot me if you have to." he insisted. Scully shook her head and stammered "Mulder, I can't?" "Just say yes." he pleaded. Scully gave up trying to rationalize her feelings and his actions. "All right. I promise to do whatever is necessary to protect myself. Now will you please tell me what you dreamed last night?" Mulder shook his head violently and pushed himself away from her. "No. Not yet?" Scully had no choice but to accept his denial. But just as he had asked, she kept a close eye on him for the remainder of the day. That night, Mulder was reluctant to go to bed with her. He was even more hesitant to touch her. She made no demands for an explanation and gave him the distance he needed. Mulder was almost totally withdrawn and despite his emotional turmoil, he finally fell asleep in the early morning hours. Almost as soon as Mulder dropped off, another nightmare began. This time Scully was at the mercy of Donnie Pfaster and Mulder had arrived too late to save her. Pfaster had strangled her and was preparing to remove her nails and hair. Mulder viciously pulled him away from the lifeless body and desperately tried to resuscitate her. He tore at her clothing, exposing her chest as he began CPR. There was no response but the sickening crack of ribs as he frantically tried to force life back into her. To his horror, with each thrust, he became more aroused until he finally ripped away her remaining clothes and defiled her corpse. Mulder was so possessed by the obscene act that he couldn't stop Pfaster from collecting his trophies. As Mulder saw Scully's blood ooze from her torn flesh, he cried out in a painfully powerful orgasm. This time Scully was prepared for his violent awakening. She immediately reached for him and lightly touched his chest then spoke loudly and firmly. "It's all right, Fox. It's just a dream. I'm here." Mulder's clouded mind suddenly saw his beloved Dana alive again, as if his climax gave her life. Fearful of losing her again, he threw himself on top of her and tried to continue his 'resuscitation.' The sudden move startled her and she tried to push him back, but he continued to crush her under his weight until she called out his name again. "MULDER! What are you doing?" Scully shouted. The full impact of what just happened hit Mulder all at once. He recoiled from Scully and retreated back to the corner of room as he had the previous night. Scully remained on the bed and looked sadly at him as he trembled in fear. "I'm sorry, Fox." she said softly. "Please just tell me what's happening to you." He refused to answer and pushed himself further into the corner. Scully was at a total loss of what to do. Something about being close to her was slowly driving him mad. She wondered if his violent erotic rages had returned. Since they had been able to cope with them in the past, there was no reason why their return should be so devastating. This was something even more disturbing. Mulder forced himself to concentrate on the real world. He pictured himself cowering in the corner of their bedroom as Scully struggled to understand his erratic behavior. It was the second time in as many nights he had a vivid dream in which her death sexually excited him. The affect was so powerful he had trouble disconnecting himself from the dream once he woke. Yet he'd spent most of the day at her side without the terrible images and urges of his perverse dreams. And he had slept soundly without the nightmares at the Lone Gunmen's office. Was it possible that sleeping with Scully triggered the nightmares? There was only one way to find out. "Dana." he whispered quietly. She shifted towards him but moved slowly, like a person approaching a skittish wild animal. "I need to get out of here. You're?affecting my dreams." Scully didn't argue but expressed the concern that he shouldn't be alone. Glancing at the clock, only one person immediately came to mind that she could call to watch over him at this hour. "I'll call Skinner. He can take you to your apartment." Mulder shook his head. "No! Skinner can't see me like this. He'll think I'm crazy." There was no way Mulder would allow Skinner to know about this particular nightmare. Skinner had already threatened him once about causing Scully pain and he'd do anything in his power to protect her, including reassigning her away from the X-Files. Mulder still needed Skinner's support if the X-Files were to remain active and seeing him like this might turn Skinner away permanently. Scully methodically thought of anybody else she could trust. She suggested her mother or Melissa but Mulder nearly panicked out of control again. Then it became clear to her that he needed someone that WASN'T close to her. That left only one choice. Frohike arrived about fifteen minutes later. Scully met him at the door as he commented "When I wished for you to call me in the middle of the night to come to your place, this was not what I had in mind." Her sad smile was the only acknowledgement he needed of her appreciation. "So where's our boy?" Mulder had dressed and packed his overnight bag. He entered the room and nodded to Frohike. "Dana, I'll see you at the office in the morning. I'll call if?if the dreams don't stop." He desperately wanted to kiss her but he was too afraid of the dark desire that hid in his subconscious. Mulder hurried out the door followed by the bewildered Lone Gunman, as Scully sighed heavily, still wondering what troubled Mulder's sleep. As Frohike drove, Mulder confessed "Even you'll think I'm a real sick son-of-a-bitch but I have to tell someone and I can't trust the psychologist at the Bureau." "Go ahead, Mulder." Frohike offered. "Shrink, heal thy self." "I only hope I CAN 'heal' myself." Mulder moaned. He proceeded to describe the horrific nightmares. Frohike listened in silent shock as the implications of Mulder's images alarmed even the jaded Lone Gunman. Mulder clenched his teeth and slammed his fist into the dashboard. "I'm losing my mind, Frohike. I'm afraid I'll hurt her. What the hell am I going to do?" he cried. Frohike took a deep breath and did his best to calm his friend. "Whoa there buddy. You haven't hurt anybody yet. You had the good sense to call me didn't you? Besides, it's only after the nightmares you lose it." "But those nightmares are coming from ME!" Mulder yelled. "All right, then. You're the psychologist. What could those dreams mean?" Mulder thought for a moment and took several deep breaths. "I suppose I'm afraid she'll die because of me. But I don't want to lose her even if she's dead. Or maybe I think that by loving her at the brink of death, I can bring her back. Hell, it could mean anything!" Frustrated, Mulder slumped back into his seat and closed his eyes. "I 'm tired, Frohike. Tired of pretending I could ever bring her anything but grief." The older wiser man had been a witness to exactly what Mulder had brought to Scully's life. Frohike slapped Mulder on the side of the head and scolded, "You self centered bastard! What you give her is love. Twisted and tortured, but it's still love. And dare I say, you give her life passion and purpose. Yeah, you bring her grief but you do that to everyone. Including me." Mulder sat up at the Lone Gunman's admonishment. "But is love enough?" "There's more to your relationship than romantic love. There's trust and faith. That's what makes you two partners." Frohike pointed out. Mulder nodded silently as he accepted the wisdom from an unexpected source. Once at his apartment, Mulder slept without the frightening dreams. Inspired by Frohike's words of encouragement, the following day at work Mulder was able to finally tell Scully why he'd panicked the previous nights. She didn't seem as shocked as he's expected. She knew his darkness perhaps better than he knew it himself. Mulder quietly vowed never to underestimate her strength again. The day passed without incident but as the evening approached, a decision had to be made that would strain their relationship once again. Even though Mulder had confessed his dreams to Scully, he still hadn't figured out why he was having them. Her sensual presence at his side while he slept seemed to be the key to triggering the dreams but the panic that ensued as he woke from the dreams was so overwhelming that he couldn't risk 'experimenting' with alternatives. "I think it would be wise for me to sleep back at my apartment." Mulder concluded. Scully frowned but said "I don't think we have a choice. Since you won't trust any outside help, we'll have to work this out ourselves. Now that you can be open about it, let's just give it some time and see what happens." Standing close beside him, she wrapped her arm around his neck and pulled his lips to hers. She kissed him with all the passion and life she could convey. Unexpectedly, she began to caress his body through his clothes as they stood in the office. Mulder gasped at her touch but her mouth captured each breath. He held his arousal in check as his mind fought off images of Tooms tearing open her abdomen and Barnett shooting her in the head. Scully felt his trembling resistance and slowly backed away. "When you're ready, I'll still be here for you." she whispered. "If the fear in the dreams haunts you, remember the first time we made love. It was a moment of life and faith." She kissed him again but more softly then she left. Mulder just stood there, silent and grateful. As always, Scully had seen past the disturbed and dangerous 'invisible man' to the real Fox Mulder, the man that loved her. His heart felt the lightness of hope as he recalled their 'first time' together. It was more than a moment of life. It was a moment of truth. END __________________________________________________________ The truth is out there; a different truth for each person but all revealed for you to see. So the stage is set and the characters are in position for the next act. Hopefully the writer will get on the ball and start the story. Please send any an all comments to shinkai@mlode.com and/or check out my website at http://www.mlode.com/~shinkai/fanfic/xffanfic.htm AUTHOR'S NOTES ON "MOMENTS OF TRUTH" Future Shock – Just as short bit designed to pay homage to 2 moments in the original series that struck a chord. 'Dod Kalm' provided a rather odd way for M/S to grow old together. 'Humbug's wonderful Dr. Blockhead made the erroneous conclusion that Mulder was normal. Some folks argue that he's far from perfect – big nose, pouty lips, fussy hair – but to Scully ( and others including me) he's a damn good looking man. My Dinner with Melissa – Just a way to tighten the relationship so that Melissa's murder is more meaningful. In the original series, she appears in One Breath then vanishes until Cardinal needs some target practice. Sins of the Father –I'm not sure if CC meant to tie in the death of a State Dept employee with Mulder's father but it works for me, along with the Ancient Evil analogy. And in case you didn't catch it –his 'old friends' are Deep Throat and CSM. The Search for Intelligent Life in the FBI – This vignette is meant to clarify the Mulder/Scully/Skinner relationship and turn up the tension in the 3 way stand off in Mulder's apt. It also firmly establishes Skinner's love for his wife despite their separation. Up In Smoke – Inspired by "Musings of a CSM" and the ramblings of William B. Davis, and designed to explain CSM rather atypical mannerisms in "Anasazi", when he blows his legendary cool and even lies to the Syndicate about Krychek and the tape. "El Fumerol" is a more elegant name for the CSM (pardon my butchered Italian.) Coming Home – I have to confess I fell in love with Nick Lea at the X-Files Expo and since then have decided that Krychek can't be all that bad. He's just made an entire lifetime of bad choices. In 'Tunguska' as Mulder is thumping away at him Krychek bemoans that he loves this country, despite his traitorous activities. I, for one, believe him. So I gave him a history and a future based on that idea. I was also inspired by the fact that Nick Lea and Melinda McGraw (who played Melissa Scully) were a couple at the time "Blessing Way" was filmed. Talk about putting a strain on a relationship! As a 'Ratboy' reference, notice how Krychek wonders if 'he's just a rat in a maze.' X Marks the Spot – A short and very vague declaration of purpose and intent. We know very little about X so I fleshed out a few things we do know. While trying to stop Mulder in "One Breath", he says "I used to be you. But you're not me." I translated that in my series to mean he had Mulder's moral righteousness and his own 'Scully' but lost them both. Apparently, he and Deep Throat had some agreement at least in principle but X is not trying to protect Mulder just to keep him alive. He wants to use him and has clearly stated so many times. But for what purpose? I hope this vignette answers that question. Death Becomes Her – Another dark and nasty journey into my Mulder's twisted little mind. Basically a set up to get him back into his apartment and create the tension necessary for her to shoot him later. I also set up Frohike as a kind of emotional go-between for M/S