From: shinkai@mlode.com (Susan Shinkai)
Date: Sun, 25 Oct 1998 22:29:45 -0800
Subject: New Story: "The IM Files #17 -The Noble Dreams of Ancient Aliens"

Title: The IM Files #17 –The Noble Dreams of Ancient Aliens
Author: Shinkai
E-mail Address: shinkai@mlode.com
Rating: R+
Classification: SR
Spoilers: Anasazi, The Blessing Way
Keywords: Scully/Mulder romance, Krychek/other romance, alternate
reality
Summary: While M/S's relationship is suffering from his recurrent
violent nightmares, Mulder comes into possession of top secret
government documents which may reveal the Truth he seeks. His growing
paranoia forces Scully to take desperate action to protect him, while
Skinner tried to protect her.  Krychek faces his own truth. 17  th
installment in the IM Series.

Intro: To understand the Mulder and Scully in this story, you must
have read "Meeting the Invisible Man" and at least some of the other
installments.  I make some major departures from commonly held myths
of the X-Files so be prepared.  The theme of the story is honor and
nobility, and the kind of person it takes to sacrifice one's self to
the truth.

Thanks all those who have encouraged the continuation of this series.

Disclaimer: The characters and situations depicted in this story are
not the legal property of the author or her agents. This use is not
intended to be an infringement on the rights of the legal owners. Use
and distribution of this story is for not-for-profit entertainment
purposes only
________________

THE NOBLE DREAMS OF ANCIENT ALIENS

   Mulder felt as if the strain would kill him, seeing Scully everyday
at work, then leaving her each night.  His life was hell, all because
of the horrific nightmares he had of her death and the blinding
orgasms they triggered. Mulder would wake from these dreams in a
panic, lashing out at anything that moved, including Scully.  The
dreams seemed to subside when they were apart so for the sake of
Mulder's sanity and Scully's safety, he slept alone in his apartment.
His distrust of the Bureau counselors forced him to seek help in the
private sector.  Being a trained psychologist himself, Mulder argued
against the conclusions and recommendations of each therapist he spoke
with.  Unwilling and unable to accept professional help, Mulder became
even more desperate.

    Finally, he contacted Heitz Werber, the hypno-therapist who helped
him recover his memory of Samantha's abduction.  He told Mulder that
the reason for the dreams and the waking behavior that followed them
weren't secrets that needed to be unlocked from his mind. Werber
claimed that Mulder already understood what the dreams meant, but
until Mulder accepted the meaning, there was nothing he could do to
control them. "You can't fight the truth, Mr. Mulder." the doctor said
as Mulder stormed from his office in denial.

   It was just as difficult for Scully, trying to give her love to her
husband only through their 'professional' relationship.  Even his
waking moments of arousal were invaded with images of her violent
death so they found it necessary to restrict any form of intimacy.
That left them with just the X-Files to bind their passions.  For
Scully to accept the X-Files without the benefit of Mulder's sensual
nature, she had to surrender a part of herself to his dark obsession
for conspiracies and cover-ups, while reconciling her own need for
logical explanations. It created a kind of unresolved tension that was
exciting in its own way but she prayed everyday that Mulder would find
the strength to return home to her.

______________________________________________

   The plight of the two agents hadn't gone unnoticed.  The Cigarette
Smoking Man met with Krychek in a car parked in a deserted alley,
briefing him on a new assignment.  "It seems your efforts to plant a
listening device in Agent Scully's bedroom have paid off.  According
to the latest transcripts, she and her dear husband are having some
problems with their sleeping arrangement."

  "So now you want me to bug Mulder's place as well," Krychek
grumbled.

   "No, actually.  I have something else planned for Agent Mulder."
CSM replied as he took a long drag from his cigarette.  "But, first,
you'd better remove that device from Scully's place."

    "WHAT!" Krychek shouted. "You want me to go back in there just to
remove that bug?"

    CSM looked sternly at the irate operative. "You will do what you'
re told. It's not necessary for you to understand your assignment,
just to complete it."  Then a strange smile crossed his face as he
said, "Certain events have made it necessary to move on this
advantageous situation with Agent Mulder's and he may become even more
paranoid than usual.  We can't risk having any hard evidence that
might convince Scully that it's not all in his mind."

    "All right." Krychek grumbled.  "I'll take care of it tomorrow."

   "You'll care take of it immediately." CSM commanded.

   Krychek nodded in resignation and got out of the car.  He had hoped
to see Melissa that day, even though he'd spent five of the last seven
nights with her.  He still couldn't believe his luck finding a woman
like her.  She wanted to know everything about his beliefs and
feelings but nothing about his background or work.  She claimed it
interfered with getting to know the real person within. He knew little
about her life as well, although he could find out anything he wanted
at the touch of a button.  He didn't even know her last name. But he
knew her passion and her heart and that was enough. She gave him hope
that he might someday get out of this whole nasty business with the
Syndicate. But for now, he had a job to do.

____________________________________


     That afternoon the mood in the basement office of the Hoover
Building was volatile.  Scully stood in front of Mulder's desk, arms
crossed defiantly as she glared at him.  Mulder typed furiously on his
keyboard, refusing to look at her.  "Mulder, why didn't you give my
report to Skinner?" she questioned him sternly.

   "Because it's a sham."  he answered bitterly without turning away
from his screen. "All your arguments and conclusions are wrong."

   She tightened her lips to hold back her emotions and took a deep br
eath.  Determined not to lose control, she responded coldly "You can't
prove that anymore than you can provide evidence that your theory has
any basis in fact.  We agreed to present both sides of the argument to
Skinner, in separate reports."

   Mulder squared his jaw and said "Well, Skinner didn't agree.  One
case report, he said. So I chose mine." Then he turned to Scully with
a slow burning anger.  "Oh, by the way, he told me to remind you to
express any concerns about my investigative techniques in a PERSONAL
report to him."  He stood up so that he deliberately loomed over her.
"Since you just came back from spending an hour in his office, I guess
you didn't need any reminding.  Did he enjoy your report?"

    Scully stepped back but his icy stare followed her.  She could
hear his jealousy echoing in the room but she had no intention of
letting the argument degrade into a personal issue.  "Assistant
Director Skinner informed me that the case report was incomplete and
vague. When he asked why I had allowed the report to be submitted in
this manner, I informed him that I had no input into the version that
he received.  He demanded that we revise the report and resubmit it by
Monday morning."

    Moving from behind the desk and advancing on her, Mulder spat out
"You like it when he orders you to do something. It gives you an
excuse bow down to him, and hold me down."

    Suddenly Scully's defensive stance turned into an expression of
hurt. She sighed and shook her head. "Mulder, why are we acting like
this? I'm not mad at you. I'm just trying to understand why we seem to
be having such difficulty communicating recently."

   Mulder broke off his verbal attack and sat back on the edge of his
desk.  "You know why.  This arrangement is not working out." He sighed
heavily and reached his arms out to her. She hugged him without
hesitation as he continued to speak.  "Dana, I love you so much but I
can't control these nightmares."

   "Have they started again even though you're sleeping alone?" she
asked full of concern.

  "Yeah, at least it's not every night. I suppose I could handle the
dreams themselves but every time I wake up in the middle of one, I
jump at anything that moves.  I've already broken three coffee mugs
and I think I cracked my fish tank."

   She kissed his cheek lightly. "Mulder, you've refused restraints,
medications, and therapy but it's obvious this problem will not just
go away on its own. Now it's affecting even our working relationship.
We have to do something."

    He hugged her tightly and whispered "I have an idea but it's not
very pleasant." She nodded for him to continue.  "As sick as it
sounds, I need to be able to finish my dreams.  It's kind of like
staying to the end of a horror movie so that you know the creature
gets killed in the end."

    Scully looked thoughtfully at her worried partner. "But what if
the creature doesn't die in the end? What if it killed off the whole
town?"

  "Then at least you know where the beast lives." Mulder shrugged.

   As usual, Scully turned to her logic to give her strength in the
face of uncertain outcomes. "So what can you do to keep yourself from
waking up prematurely?"

    "That's the nasty part. That's why I haven't tried this before."
Mulder let go of her and slumped in his chair. "I have to condition
myself not to be shocked by what I'm doing in the dream.  I have to
accept that fact that I'm capable of raping you and violating your
corpse. That I actually find sexual gratification in your death and
mutilation."

   Scully was silent.  It made sense but that didn't make it any less
shocking.  She didn't want to say anything to discourage him but it
was a difficult concept to accept. "Are you suggesting that you
consciously construct fantasies about these?behaviors?"  Mulder nodded
slowly. Nervously she asked "What can I do to help?"

   Mulder's expression turned from frustration to profound love. He
stood up and reached over to her and kissed her hand softly.  "You've
already done more than I'd ever ask. You still believe in me.  I can't
put you at risk in case my emotions get out of control."

    "We can always go back to phone sex." she suggested. Her voice
suddenly turned sultry and breathy. "It's been so long since we talked
like that but I haven't forgotten what turns you on."

    Mulder felt instantly aroused just at the sound of her voice.  The
image of her standing on the bridge with the Bounty Hunter at her side
flashed in his mind, but this time he was choking her with an iron
grip. Her face was flushed, mouth agape, and eyes rolled back. The
look was almost orgasmic and it thrilled Mulder. As he pictured her
torture in his mind, he suddenly pressed Scully against the wall. The
loud thump of her body hitting the wall was like a wake up call and he
began to back off.

     Before he could move away, Scully held his hips in place then
slowly sank down his body until her face hovered over his crotch. She
blew hot breaths over the growing bulge, as he realized Scully's
intentions.  She looked up at him expectantly and he rapidly pulled
out his throbbing erection. The moment he was exposed, she enveloped
him in her warm waiting lips. The sudden intense sensation was almost
painful after being away from her for so long. He reeled as his knees
nearly buckled under him.  He gripped her head and shoulders to steady
himself, and in the process pulled her down on his organ.  He groaned
uncontrollably as he began to thrust against her, holding her head so
she couldn't back away. The unrelenting force choked her as she
struggled to inhale between the invading advances.  As he looked upon
her face, he saw the mirrored image of her death at the hands of the
Bounty Hunter but this time it was his sex that strangled her.  The
realization of what he was doing horrified him but once again he came
in a powerful orgasm, surrendering to the same dark pleasures that
plagued his dream.

     Scully felt her own body react, as if his climax gave her life
instead of strangling her more.  There was a raw sense of control,
knowing she could drive him to the point of his own madness then force
him to see the truth within it.  Was that her role in his quest? In
his life? To love him or to lead him?  Suddenly, she felt him collapse
in exhaustion. She stood up to hold him and keep him from tumbling
backwards.

   "Easy, Fox." she whispered as she gently guided him so he could
lean against the filing cabinet.  "It's OK. Look, I'm still alive.
Maybe that's how your dreams end."

    Mulder fumbled with his fly but Scully gently intervened to
redress him properly. He smiled weakly at her and said "Thanks. I
guess I'm not as tough in real life as in my dreams. One climax with
you and I'm useless.  I can barely stand."

   "I'm sure you can stay up all night psychoanalyzing this incident.
You realized you were choking me."   He nodded guiltily. She touched
his face softly and said "It's all right.  I'm fine.  If anything, it
added intensity or perhaps you'd call it desperation, to our climax."
She shuttered slightly as she recalled the sensation then took a deep
breath and changed to a more clinical tone.  "It's as much
physiological as psychological.  Oxygen deprivation is considered one
of the attractions of auto-erotic asphyxiation."

    Mulder reached out and hugged her.  "Relax, Dana. You don't need
to explain away your feelings.  No more than I need to hide mine.
Thank you." He kissed her deeply then let her go and dropped back into
his seat behind the desk.

    Just then Skinner knocked at the door and finding it unlocked, he
entered.  The flushed faces of his agents and their ruffled clothes
were telltale signs that they had been arguing or fooling around or
both.  He gritted his teeth at the thought of such conduct but felt a
secret pleasure in knowing he nearly interrupted their activity. He
cleared his throat and announced "I'm glad you're still here. Agent
Scully, about that report?"

    Scully quickly straightened her blouse and skirt, then approached
the AD stopping short of arms reach.  She had to raise her head and
eyes to look directly at him as she replied "Agent Mulder and I were
about to start on a unified report, Sir."

    Skinner's voice became almost gentle as he said, "I was thinking
that might not be necessary.  Why don't you just give me both reports
and I can summarize both into one."

   "Please, Sir, if it's all right with you, I'd rather that we made
the changes instead of tying up any more of your time."  She reached
out and took the report from his hand but her eyes never broke contact
with his.

    Skinner felt Mulder's eye upon him, watching him like a hawk.
Skinner wasn't about to show any sign of weakness. "Good. I'm glad you
're willing to cooperate on this matter.  I expect that report on my
desk Monday morning."

    "Yes, Sir. I'll deliver it personally." Scully answered
professionally.  Skinner nodded to her and left the office, ignoring
Mulder all together.

   Mulder tapped his desk nervously after Skinner was gone and grunted
"I really wish you wouldn't kiss up to him like that."

    Scully sighed heavily and replied "Just because I show the man
some respect doesn't mean I was 'kissing up'. It's just something I
learned growing up as a Navy brat.   Your superior officer is still
your boss whether you like him or not, so treat him with respect."

   Mulder pictured her standing before Skinner, her face still glowing
from her sexual escapades, looking up at him expectantly. Almost as if
she was waiting for Skinner to expose himself just as Mulder had.
"Scully, you weren't just respectful. You were submissive."

   "I don't think Skinner thought so." Scully answered curtly. "He
expects me to do my job and part of that job is to make my own
conclusions.  But he knows I'll consider even your wildest theories if
the evidence exists."  Mulder continued to stare at her accusingly.
Seeing that she wasn't getting anywhere with this discussion, she
rapidly changed the subject.  "Listen, we still have a report to
write.  I'd rather not stay here any longer that I have to, so why don
't you come home tonight? If we're going to argue, let's at least find
some neutral ground."

  Mulder looked uncertain and said "Listen, Scully, I need some time
to sort out this dream business and what's happening between us. Why
don't you re-write that report as you see fit.  I trust you." He
gathered a few things from his desk and then walked towards the door.
"See you Monday." he mumbled then walked out the door.

   Scully sighed and gathered her reports and notes, thinking of the
long lonely weekend ahead of her. Just as she was about to leave, the
office door flew open and Mulder stood there panting as if he had ran
back as fast as he could. Catching his breath, he said "I'm glad I
caught you before you left. I forgot to say I love you." Then he
kissed her as best as he could between breaths.

   Scully's spirit felt revitalized by his sentiments but not wanting
him to feel any more guilt, she smiled and answered "No you didn't
forget. Before you left, you said that you trusted me."
____________________________________

   Krychek knew how to slip into Scully's apartment unnoticed.  Most
of her neighbors tried to avoid her because of the frequent violence
and uproar around her place, so they all turned a blind eye to his
presence.  He quickly made his way into her bedroom and paused for a
moment, picturing the scenes he'd listened to as she and Mulder made
love.  Since he met Melissa, Krychek's feeling of envy for the agents
had faded. He had his own life, his own lover, even if it couldn't
last forever.

    Just as he was about to remove the device from the bed frame, he
noticed a photo on Scully's dresser that hadn't drawn his attention
before.  His gloved hands seized the photo as he stared in disbelief.
It needed no caption, the meaning was clear. Dana and Melissa Scully,
side by side in a park some where. They were sisters with the same
hair, the same eyes and the same fire in their hearts.  Krychek's
world came crashing down upon its self, reverting back to the void
that he knew before he met her. He could never face Melissa again. If
he lied, she'd see through him. If he told the truth she'd hate him.
More than that, if 'they' knew, Melissa's life would be in danger.
Maybe they already knew. Maybe Scully knew and the whole thing was a
set up from the beginning.

     Realizing he was getting as paranoid as Mulder, Krychek tried to
clear his head. No one else knew about him and Melissa; he was sure.
Their love was real, not some scheme. But could it last if he told her
that he was a born killer, and had betrayed Mulder so that Scully
could be abducted.  He knew he had to tell her the truth but how could
he if it might put her life at risk?

    Krychek came back to his senses when he heard the click of the
front door lock. His distraction could prove fatal if he didn't act
quickly.  He replaced the photo and ducked under the bed just as
Scully entered the apartment.

    Scully made her normal circuit through the living room to the
bedroom.  She paused as she stopped by the bed.  Something felt wrong
to her but she concluded that it was Mulder's absence that distracted
her.  She had begun to undress when the phone rang.

    "Hi, Melissa!" Scully said cheerfully into the phone as Krychek
felt panic creeping up his spine.  Scully listened to her sister then
answered "You want to go to a movie tonight? What happened? Did your
hot date cancel out on you?"  Krychek felt hot tears coming to his
eyes and fought the urge to move.  "You can't hide anything from me,
Missy.  You're in love, again. I can tell.  Look, if you want to keep
the details secret, I understand.  I can be just as bad as Dad when it
comes to criticizing your choice in men."  Krychek covered his own
face to muffle the sobs of painful regret.  Finally the torture ended
as Scully said. "I'm going to take a shower and change. I'll pick you
up in forty minutes. See you then."

    As soon as Scully was in the shower, Krychek moved quickly.  He
wiped away his tears and cursed his black soul as he removed the
listening device from the bed.  He headed for the front door and saw
that it was chained from the inside.  The window had a bolt on it as
well. Thinking quickly, he smashed the window and grabbed her purse
and her gun, trying to make it look like a break-in. On an impulse, he
grabbed the picture of Melissa and darted out the window just as
Scully came running from the shower. All she saw was a dark figure
disappear into the night.  It could have been anyone. It could have
even been Mulder.

___________________________

    Mulder slept restlessly through the weekend. Scully's calls fueled
his rich imagination with vivid erotic scenarios. Unfortunately, he
still woke in a panic from the dreams even though his waking fantasies
were far worse.  His guilt over the pain he inflicted on Dana in his
fantasies drove him to inflict real pain upon his own body. Nothing
too drastic although he experimented with self asphyxiation.  The
arousal it caused disturbed him but at least Dana wasn't being hurt.

    When Monday came and he feared having to face her again, Mulder
was granted a reprieve as she was called to Quantico to stand-in for
one of the instructors for a couple of days. He avoided her the
remainder of the day, but went home even more frustrated and anxious.
By Tuesday morning after another sleepless night, Mulder was restless,
irritable, and he had a pounding headache and a low-grade fever.  The
last thing he wanted was company but that was the first thing he got.

    All three Lone Gunmen came to his apartment.  They were obviously
agitated, even paranoid, but Mulder just groaned in annoyance.  "I'm
not in the mood for the Three Stooges."

   But the Lone Gunmen were deadly serious. They even took precautions
against being followed to Mulder's place.  They revealed to him the
name 'Kenneth Soona', the one they referred to as 'The Thinker'. A
hacker and an anarchist, he had found his way into the Department of
Defense computer system and downloaded some sensitive government
documents.  He got word to the Gunmen that he specifically wanted to
meet with Mulder.  The Gunmen passed on the time and location, as they
stressed the seriousness of the situation.  Mulder remained skeptical
until Byers revealed the nature of the documents.

    "He may have tapped into the original Department of Defense
document regarding extra-terrestrial life." he explained solemnly.

     Mulder ignored the throbbing in his head as his mind focused on
what might be the end to his all-consuming search.  Anxiously he took
the information from the Lone Gunmen, when suddenly they heard a
gunshot.  Mulder grabbed his gun and ran into the hallway, following
the sound.  He discovered that one of his neighbors had just shot her
husband. The elderly woman was crying with tears of sadness and
confusion as other residents rushed around calling 911 and trying to
help.  Mulder stared in disbelief as the Lone Gunmen warned him to be
careful.

      Back in his apartment, Mulder picked up the phone to call Scully
but as it rang he began to wonder if telling her about the documents
was a good idea.  If the story was true, involving her without the
documents in hand put her at risk.  If it turned out to be just
another false lead, he'd open himself up to more ridicule and
questions. He quickly hung up before she could answer.  He felt a
creeping sense of paranoia as he wondered if he could trust Scully.
Once he realized what he was thinking, he tried to dismiss the
possibility that she would ever betray him but memories of their last
argument lingered in his thoughts charged with resentment and
jealousy.

     The meeting time with Soona wasn't until late evening so Mulder
called in sick and spent the day reviewing the evidence he'd gathered
over the years of the DOD's involvement in a conspiracy to cover-up
the truth about UFOs.  His nerves burned like raw flesh across coals
as the day dragged on.  The anticipation coupled with his headache and
fever made the waiting almost unbearable.  He gulped down aspirin and
water, trying to keep his head clear. Scully had called twice, just to
check up on him but her questions only annoyed him more.  He finally
took his phone off the hook, as each ring felt like a hammer slamming
into the side of his skull.

     Finally the meeting time came and Mulder paced nervously as he
waited in the Botanical Gardens per the instructions.  In his head, he
tried to review the details of evidence of DOD involvement previously
uncovered but the headache persisted.  So instead, he passed the time
cursing his own frailties and weaknesses, which eventually led him to
start cursing Scully and the effect she had on him.  As much as he
loved her, he regretted surrendering so much of his life to her.
Everything he did, personally and professionally, came under her
scrutiny for criticism.  Yet he was expected to dismiss her
transgressions and not to question her motives. He knew he'd caused
her pain in the past but his pain was just as real.  He had already
sacrificed his independence, his informant, and even his own daughter,
to satisfy her need for control.

     Suddenly he shook his head, trying to clear away the strange
thoughts.  He knew better than to blame her for his own choices. Why
was he so paranoid and suspicious, he wondered. Just then a young man
with long hair and a nervous disposition approached him nervously
carrying a large envelope.

     'The Thinker' apologized for being late but claimed that he had
'some kind of Ninja squad shagging his butt'.  He handed Mulder the
envelope and told him it contained the file of the original DOD
documents related to UFO, going back to the 1940's.  He only had time
to glance over the file quickly before he went on the run.  It
appeared to include everything from Roswell to MJ12, right up to
current events. He had managed to download the file to a data tape and
print out a hard copy from the host computer but he wasn't able make a
duplicate which is why he insisted on meeting Mulder to give him the
copy.  Soona knew his own life was in danger because he hadn't taken
any precautions to hide his identity when he downloaded the file.
Mulder was the only one who could make the truth be known.  Asking for
nothing else in return, Soona disappeared into the night.

    Mulder looked in the envelope and saw the tape and the printout.
The printout was wrapped and sealed to protect it from prying eyes.
The digital tape was the same type Mulder used to backup his office
computer.  Just then, Mulder thought he heard movement from behind the
bushes and his paranoia jumped up a few notches.  He quickly left the
garden and drove away, constantly checking to see if he was being
followed. He drove for hours to make sure he wasn't being tailed then
returned home. He circled the block three times before finally parking
the car and going in.  He entered his apartment cautiously without
turning on the lights, his weapon drawn.

     Once he was sure it was clear, he settled on his couch to glance
over the document.  As anxious as he was to verify the file was
genuine, fatigue quickly overtook him.  He fumbled with the wrapping
on the report and when he looked at the document, the words made no
sense.  Frustrated again by his own physical limitation, he stuffed
the tape and printout under the cushion and closed his eyes trying to
force himself to sleep.

    Eventually he did fall asleep and once again the violent
nightmares reappeared.  More bizarre and brutal than ever, this dream
featured him as Scully's attacker in a distorted replay of the events
in their office the previous Friday.  He literally choked her to death
as he came down her throat in a convulsive orgasm. When Skinner walked
in and discovered him ravaging her lifeless body, Mulder shot him dead
on the spot. He threw Skinner's body on top of Scully's and roared
"You want her? She's all yours now." More disturbing than the dream
itself was the fact that it neither awakened Mulder nor did it shock
him when he consciously recalled it once he did wake.  Instead he
merely accepted it as a dream and took the tape and report from its
hiding place then headed to the office.

     Scully entered the office just as he loaded the tape. He seemed
excited and eager to work, not at all listless and depressed as he had
been last week. She hoped that it was a sign that he had found a way
to deal with his nightmares.  When she told him she had finally
dropped the report off in Skinner's office that morning and that the
AD wanted to see him, Mulder just nodded and told her to lock the
door.  Completely absorbed in the computer file, Mulder told Scully he
had found 'The Holy Grail" – the original DOD documents verifying the
government's knowledge of extra-terrestrials for nearly 50 years.

    Mulder admitted he received the file from 'your friendly
neighborhood anarchist' and Scully questioned its authenticity.
Despite her doubts, Scully became just as absorbed and anxious as
Mulder as the files appeared on the monitor screen.  Mulder watched as
the heading appeared but the words formed nothing but gibberish.
Pounding on the keys, he swore, "No, I can't believe this!"  Finally
he smacked the pen holder off the desk and tore across the room in a
rage.  Throwing the files on the floor and kicking the trash can like
a child in a temper tantrum, he shouted, "I'm sick of all this crap!
It's all BS and double talk!"

     Scully, who had seen his outbursts before, was unimpressed.
Instead she focused on the file and slowly realized that something
about it looked familiar.  Still fuming, Mulder yelled that it was
nothing but a sick joke at his expense.  Studying the patterns of
letters, she replied, "I think it's just encrypted. And I think I
recognize it.  It looks like Navajo. It was used during World War II.
My father told me that it was the only code the Japanese couldn't
break."

   Mulder's rage vanished as he anxiously asked if she knew who might
be able to decode it.  She replied bluntly that only a handful of
people knew the code but he eagerly told her to find one.  His sudden
mood shift seemed odd even for Mulder. As he grabbed his jacket and
started to leave the office, she asked if he was all right.

    "I'm still not sleeping very well." he answered sadly then
disappeared.

     Scully looked at the file and sighed. < Mulder's nightmares are
not getting any better and now this. > she thought. She knew that if
the file was authentic, possessing it could be considered treason. On
the other hand, if it did contain the truths he sought, it would
validate his work and put to rest at least one nightmare. She wondered
how long she could watch him suffer and how far she would go to
protect him.  She told herself it was her duty to find the truth, that
sanctioned corruption was still corruption, that people had a right to
know. But in her heart she knew her reason for decoding the file was
no more nobler than her devotion to and faith in the man whose
religion was Truth.
____________________

    "Sir, you wanted to see me." Mulder said sternly to Skinner.

   Skinner discreetly ordered Mulder into his office but Mulder
refused to follow. "Is this another jerk off assignment were I end up
doing the government's dirty work?" Mulder sneered.  Skinner lowered
his voice and asked Mulder if he had received an unauthorized copy of
sensitive government documents or if he knew anything about them.
Mulder denied any wrongdoing but Skinner persisted.

   Mulder began yelling irrationally. "Just because Scully sucks up to
you, don't expect me to cower when you roar."

    Other agents in the area looked up at the red faced AD. He squared
his jaw and said in a low tone. "This has nothing to do with Agent
Scully."

   "It has everything to do with her." Mulder shouted in return. "You
want to fuck my wife and you'll use any lousy excuse to get rid of
 me."

    By now everyone was watching the two men argue. Skinner had no
intention of turning his office into a sideshow. "Agent Mulder, you're
out of line. Get in my office! NOW!"   Mulder ignored him and turned
away. "Agent Mulder!" Skinner yelled but Mulder just walked away.
Skinner grabbed Mulder's shoulder to stop him then suddenly Mulder
spun around and landed a solid sucker punch to the face.  Skinner
staggered back and Mulder continued his attack.

    Once the initial shock passed, the other agents reacted, trying to
restrain Mulder.  Three agents fought through his flying fists when
Skinner intervened and pulled Mulder down in a headlock. Mulder
continued to struggle uselessly as he shouted obscenities at Skinner.
Skinner just tightened the hold until Mulder could barely breathe.

   "Are you done?" Skinner snarled, as Mulder's strength waned. Mulder
finally stopped fighting and Skinner loosened his grip.  "Mulder, I
hope you're telling the truth about those documents. And for the
record, my interest in Agent Scully is purely professional."

   Mulder screamed "Liar!" then broke from his hold and took another
swing at Skinner. Skinner blocked the punch, grabbed his arm and
twisted it, forcing Mulder face down on to the floor. "Keep your damn
hands off of her, you bastard." Mulder continued to shout as Skinner
held his head down to restrain him.

   "Are you finished yet!" Skinner snapped, his knee pressing down on
the small of Mulder's back as he lay helpless on the floor. Mulder
made a vain attempt to move but Skinner twisted his arm again and
finally Mulder began to calm down. Skinner hissed in the ear of the
pinned agent, "Scully's the best partner you could ever hope for. Don'
t screw it up by dragging your emotional baggage into the job."
Skinner released Mulder then straightened his tie and jacket, trying
to resume the appearance of an Assistant Director. "We're done." he
told the subdued Mulder. Skinner scowled at the gawking agents and
they scrambled back to their duties.  Mulder rose slowly and watched
Skinner go back into his office. Still fuming mad, Mulder headed for
the stairs when he suddenly came face to face with Scully.

    Scully stood there, silently expecting an explanation for what she
had just witnessed. Mulder just passed by her and mumbled "Not here.
Back at the office."

    "You should at least apologize to Skinner." Scully said firmly but
quietly.

    Mulder spun around and grabbed her arm roughly. "Why should I
apologize? He won the fight!" He looked angrily around the room and
snarled, "They ganged up on me."

   Scully saw the irrational paranoia building in Mulder's eyes and
knew she had to take measures to abort it before he blew up. "You're
right. It wasn't a fair fight. Maybe you should speak with him alone
so you can get back at him with the one weapon he had no defense
against - your intellect."

   The words seemed to diffuse his anger but Mulder pouted as he
walked away and growled softly "It's not my brains he wants. It's your
body."

   Scully froze in her tracks.  Now she understood the source of his
rage. For some reason his jealousy had transformed from a nagging
annoyance to a violent force. She suspected his nightmares and his
self-help treatments were at the root of this latest paranoia.  The
problem was how to acknowledge his fears without confirming them.
"Skinner's just a resource we need to find the truth behind the
cover-ups. Don't let him intimidate you."

   Mulder pulled her into a corner of the large office and kissed her
forcefully. She could feel his raging erection pressing into her
abdomen, an indication that the confrontation and conflict aroused him
fiercely. "You're right. " he panted, pressing even harder against
her. "Skinner's no match for us as long as we're together."  Scully
felt the eyes of other agents staring at them, as Mulder continued to
publicly ravish her. His behavior remained erratic but harmless and
manageable, so she decided not to make a scene by trying to stop him.

   Just then she saw Skinner step outside his office. His eyes
immediately fixed on her and her inability to control Mulder. Like a
disapproving father, he shook his head and retreated behind the door
before Mulder even noticed. She felt a sudden shame then broke away
from Mulder, insisting they return to their office.  He seemed to
notice at last the other agents in the room and reluctantly agreed.

   As they walked towards the elevator, Mulder felt a wave of nausea
wash over him, accompanying the severe headache, which persisted from
the weekend.  He stumbled slightly and held on to Scully for balance.

    "What's wrong, Mulder?" she asked full of concern.

    He leaned weakly into her and replied "I've had this pounding
headache on and off all weekend. From lack of sleep most likely. With
everything that's happened this morning, I've been able to ignore it."
He groaned and pressed his face into his hand. "Until now that is."

    Scully came to the quick conclusion that the pain from the
headache caused the earlier behavior and instantly forgave his
outbursts.  "Maybe you'd better go home and lie down. Even if you can'
t sleep at least you'll be able to close your eyes." He silently
considered his options as she added, "I have some leads on our current
investigation. There not much you can do with 'the case' until I can
check them out." Scully carefully avoided mentioning the tape and
stolen files, knowing others might overhear them.

    He shrugged and made an effort to stand up on his own.  "I need to
make a few calls.  If I'm still feeling rotten afterwards, I'll take
your advice." His voice shifted to a more serious, almost threatening
tone as he added "You will let me know if you find anything?"  Scully
unconsciously backed away and promised to stop by his place and make a
full report.

    Back in the office, Mulder called around to see if he could piece
together who informed Skinner about the stolen file.  He knew the
Cigarette Smoking Man played a key role but wanted to determine who
would lie to protect him.  He started a list, divided into two parts
which he labeled 'Conspiracy' and 'Truth'.  At the top of the
'Conspiracy' list, he had written Skinner's name, along with the names
of all the other agents who helped subdue him in the earlier brawl.
Under 'Truth' he wrote Gunmen and Scully.

    Mulder's headache persisted so he finally decided to call it quits
for the day.  Scully advised him to lie down and drink plenty of
water. As he gathered his notes, the phone rang and Scully answered.
She listened for a moment then shot a stare across the room at Mulder.
She spoke quietly into the phone, saying "Yes, Sir." then hung up.
Mulder pretended to ignore her and said nothing. He waited until she
stepped out of the office then pulled out his list and crossed her
name off.
___________________________

    Krychek sat in the car watching Melissa through the window of the
bookstore.  He had been with her twice since he discovered she was
Scully's sister and both times she knew there was something troubling
him.  He told her it concerned his work and that he wasn't sure how to
start.  Each time she simply accepted his silence and said that when
he was ready, he would tell.  Tonight, he was ready.

    When the store was empty of customers, Krychek quickly ran in and
surprised Melissa by grabbing her from behind, spinning her around and
kissing her passionately.

     She answered his greeting with a soft moan as she closed her eyes
and whispered "Alex, that had better be you. Otherwise I need to hit
the panic button and call the police."

   Krychek pulled away slightly and drew his lips along her throat.
"Maybe you should call them anyway.  I might not be able to control
myself." he growled.

   "Can you hold that thought until I get off work?" she joked as she
clutched a handful of his leather jacket and pressed herself against
him.

    He sighed heavily relishing the thought of spending just one more
night with her but he doubted she would still want to be with him
after she heard his confession. "There's something I need to tell you.
" he replied seriously.  "It's about the work I do."

   She continued to hold him and replied, "I think I understand you
now. You feel trapped by what you believe in. You're beginning to
question what is required of you. You're just now realizing you have
your own needs which they are ignoring."

   Krychek kissed her again. "You do understand. But I'm afraid it
goes even deeper than that."

   "I can accept whatever you have to tell me." She whispered back.

   He finally pulled away from her and said hastily, "Melissa, your
life is in danger if we continue to see each other."

   "I sensed that the day I met you. It's a risk I'm willing to take."

   "There's more." He paused, unsure of how to confess his crimes
against her sister.  Before he could chose his words, a group of
people entered the store. "Listen, I can't talk here but meet me at
the pub tomorrow at 9PM." He tried to leave quickly but Melissa caught
him before he reached the door.

    "Alex, you deserve to live your own life. Whatever it takes, I'm
here for you."

    For the first time in years, Alex Krychek was completely honest.
"I love you." he whispered softly through a gentle kiss, then darted
out the door.  His mind was made up. He wasn't going to let 'them'
ruin his one chance at living.
_____________________________

     Mulder sat in his apartment staring at the list of names, those
he could trust on one side, those he could not on the other.  Scully's
name appeared on both sides, crossed off each time. He needed her help
and more than that he wanted to trust her.  Yet her doubts and
questions nagged him to the point that he believed she might be trying
to force him to return the stolen files.  He felt weak and helpless
after so many nights of restless sleep. If he confronted her before he
had a chance to think clearly, she could easily talk him into giving
up the files.  The same way she made him give up his daughter by
making him think that it was his idea.

    Mulder called Scully to tell her not to stop by that afternoon. He
claimed he was going to take a sleeping pill just so he could get some
rest and that he didn't want to be disturbed.  She promised to bring
him up to date tomorrow. He hung up wondering if her promise still
meant he could trust her.  He focused on how much he loved her, and
just for a few moments, his doubts subsided and he relaxed into sleep.
Then the dreams began again but this time her death was punishment for
her betrayal?
___________________________

     When Scully arrived at work the next morning, she was surprised
that Mulder wasn't there awaiting her full report.  She was concerned
that perhaps his illness was more serious than she had first realized.
She tried calling him on his home phone and his cell phone but there
was no answer. When the phone suddenly rang she quickly answered
hoping it was Mulder. Instead she heard the voice of Skinner's
assistant asking her to report to the AD's office immediately. Skinner
had warned her about this meeting the previous day and that he had not
told anyone else about the files Mulder had allegedly received.

     Scully reported to Skinner's office as ordered and came face to
face with a review board from the Office of Professional Conduct.  She
was questioned regarding Mulder's bizarre behavior the previous day.
She glanced at Skinner and saw the bruise from were Mulder had struck
him.  They made no mention of the stolen files and the furrowed brow
on Skinner's face told her that he would be in even more trouble than
Mulder if they had evidence that Skinner knew about the stolen
documents.

   "Agent Mulder has been having trouble sleeping lately." she
answered calmly.  "He's not been feeling well. You can verify that he
called in sick Monday and that he went home early yesterday."

    The female senior agent remarked, "The other agents present
reported that Agent Mulder accused Mr. Skinner of inappropriate
advances towards you. Do you have comments regarding this accusation?"

   Now it was becoming clear to Scully.  Not only were they trying to
hang Mulder and the X-files but Skinner as well.  "Assistant Director
Skinner has always maintained a professional relationship with Agent
Mulder and myself. Any outburst by Agent Mulder was most likely just
triggered by frustration over his acute hyper-sensitive condition."

    Seeing that she was prepared to protect both men, the panel
shifted tactics.  "Does Agent Mulder confide in you?"

    "Of course he does. He's my partner." she replied quickly.

   "Partner? Weren't you originally assigned to de-bunk the X-Files?"
another senior agent asked.

    "My assignment was to ascertain the validity of Agent Mulder's
work.  I think my reports speak to that issue adequately." She knew
she was the victim of an inquisition designed to entrap Mulder and
Skinner so she spoke cautiously to avoid giving them any fuel to burn
them at the stake.

    "Would you lie to protect him? After all, he is not only your
partner, he's your husband." The Senior Agent shot an accusing stare
at Skinner, knowing that Skinner was the one who had forced the Bureau
into allowing Mulder and Scully to work together.

   Scully immediately regained the panel's attention.  "Am I being
accused of lying?"

   The head of the panel looked at the others and announced "Agent
Mulder has been informed of a disciplinary hearing.  If anything is
uncovered by that hearing that indicates you're withholding
information, you'll be subject to the same summary action as Agent
Mulder."

   "And what action is that?" she asked nervously.

  "Dismissal without chance of re-instatement." Skinner answered
flatly.

  The plan was clear and so were her options - a conspiracy of truth
or a conspiracy of lies.  She had no choice but to find the truth
behind the files if she wanted to vindicate Mulder, Skinner and
herself.  She left the office wondering if Mulder had any idea how
critical the next few days would be to their future.

   As she approached the elevator, Skinner rushed to catch her.
"Agent Scully?Dana?" he said softly. "?Thank you for your discretion.
When you see Mulder tell him to get his head screwed on straight
before this thing blows up in his face."  Scully nodded silently as
she stepped into the waiting car. Skinner grabbed the door and said
"One more thing, if they start asking about the files, leave it to me.
You can stay silent but I can't help you if you lie."

    "If we need your help, Sir, we'll let you know." she answered
curtly.  Just as the doors closed Skinner stepped inside with her. She
was startled by the closeness of the brute of a man.  Mulder seemed
frail in comparison.  She rarely paid attention to Skinner's physique
but right at that moment she noted it in contrast to the gentle touch
of his hand on her shoulder.

     "Listen, I want you to understand something." Skinner said as
softly as possible. "You have a dangerous job and you're very good at
keeping yourself alive. Even so, sometimes you need help. I will
always be here for you. You don't even have to ask."

     Scully nervously asked, "Why are you telling me this, Sir?"

     "Because I wanted to tell you personally when Mulder wasn't
around. I'm afraid his jealousy has gotten out of hand." Skinner
looked guiltily at the floor.  "If he keeps it up, he WILL lose you.
Maybe not as his wife but as his partner."   The elevator stopped and
the door opened. Two agents nodded to AD Skinner as he hastily took
his hand off Scully and exited.  The agents rolled their eyes at
Scully but said nothing.
__________________________________

      That same day, in the home of Bill Mulder, a cigarette smoking
man warned his 'old friend' that his son had gotten too close to the
truth.  Bill was concerned that the files implicated him but his 'old
friend' recommended denial.  Bill recognized his 'recommendation' as a
lightly veiled threat but he wasn't sure if it was meant for him or
his son.

     "You wouldn't harm him, would you?"  Bill asked nervously.

     "I've protected him this long, haven't I." came the unconvincing
answer.  He lied again as he said "You look well, Bill." then left the
house.

    Bill stared into his glass of scotch.  The time had finally come
to face his past mistakes and to give his son the only thing he could
that would make up for all the years of pain – The Truth.

     Outside, the CSM made a phone call.  "Contact Mr. Krychek. I have
a job for you both. Tonight."
____________________________

    Scully left for Mulder's apartment early that afternoon. His door
was locked and he didn't answer her gentle knocks.  She used her key
to enter and Mulder woke with a start, scrambling for his weapon. She
froze in place, knowing his instincts would only cause him to shoot if
she moved. He quickly lowered the gun when he realized who it was.

    "I finally took something to help me sleep. Now I feel like I have
a hangover." Mulder groaned.  Scully noticed his pale look and sunken
eyes then touched his forehead to see if he had a fever.  "Yeah, I
have a slight fever, too. Maybe it's the threat of being burned at the
stake."

     Scully insisted he take that matter seriously regarding the board
of review but he just asked if she had the file translated yet.  She
told him she was meeting someone later who might be able to help.
Mulder seemed satisfied but Scully became upset by his single
mindedness.

    "Mulder, I had to lie to cover for you." Scully commented crossly.

    "Don't worry, I'm sure Skinner will believe you." Mulder answered
snidely.

    "I withheld information to protect Skinner as well." Scully
admitted.

    Mulder shot across the room. "You did what? Why are you risking
our position to protect him?"

    "Because he didn't tell them about the files." She explained. "All
they asked about was your behavior."

    "Don't you see? They already know!  He used you and your blind
loyalty to him to catch you in a lie." Mulder slammed his fist into
the wall. "For God's sake, Scully, how could you be so stupid."

    Scully was indignant. "I'm stupid? You take possession of stolen
Top Secret documents then pick a fight with Skinner and I'm stupid."
She turned away and under her breath she said, "Skinner was right. If
you're not careful, you're going to get us all thrown out of the FBI."

   Mulder went into a rage. "What has he been telling you? That I'm
crazy? That I'm dangerous? That he can take care of you better than I
can? That he's a better man than me?"

   Scully recognized the emotional black hole that consumed Mulder's
common sense.  She hadn't seen it this bad in years. Arguing with him
when he was like this was pointless. Walking away seemed like the best
recourse.

    Suddenly, Mulder seized her arm and shouted "Don't you dare walk
away when I'm talking to you.   What the hell did Skinner say to you?"

    Scully decided to try tactic two – distract him. She pulled at her
arm and cried "Mulder, you're hurting me."

   He wrenched her arm harder and yelled "I don't care if I tear your
fucking arm off. What did he say to you?"

    By now the pain was very real.  <He's never gone this far before.
Maybe it was those damn nightmares. > she thought. She gasped in pain
trying to move away but he wouldn't let go.  <Fine. If he wants the
truth, I'll give it to him. >  "He said he was there to help me and if
you didn't start acting responsibly, he'd take me off the X-Files."

   Mulder twisted her arm even tighter and growled "What did you say
to him?"

   Her mind went blank as the pain shot up her shoulder. For a second,
she considered drawing her weapon but she kept reminding herself that
this was Mulder. "Nothing! I didn't say anything!" she cried.

   Mulder finally released her arm but threw her to the floor.  He was
panting hard, excited by his own rage and she could see the full
erection shifting under his clothing.  "Did he touch you?"

   Scully was afraid to answer but even more afraid not to.  "He put
his hand on my shoulder."

   Mulder pressed his body on top of her, obscenely thrusting against
her chest.  "What did it feel like?" he demanded.

    Scully could barely breathe under his weight. "You're crushing
 me." she pleaded.

    "I thought you liked it rough." Mulder panted. "Is that how he did
it? Was Skinner rough on you?"  He sat up to unbuckle his belt and
open his pants but Scully used the opportunity to get out from under
him.  He grabbed her and forced her back down, screaming "Get back
down there were you belong, you fucking bitch."

   Scully knew that the circuit in Mulder's brain that kept him under
control had completely failed.  He was beyond any reasoning and she
was prepared to do whatever was necessary to keep from being raped
again.  She raked her nails across his arm and he howled in pain but
pushed her down harder.  She continued to struggle until he finally
slapped her hard enough to knock her head into the floor.  She gasped
as she fought off unconsciousness. Suddenly he struck her again. She
groped for her weapon and shoved it in his face, hoping that even in
his deranged state he would recognize it.  Luckily he did.

   Mulder broke off his attack and backed away from the gun.  Scully
rose slowly checking herself for injuries.  The wild look faded from
Mulder's eyes as his breathing steadied to a normal pace.  Scully
holstered her weapon and sighed with relief when all at once Mulder
collapsed to the floor. Scully quickly caught him and checked for any
sign of injury but there didn't seem to be any.  She wrestled with the
limp body to get him back on the couch then laid next to him,
exhausted by the ordeal and unsure of what to do next.

      It had been ten years since Mulder's manic behavior drove him so
far but even then her pleas were enough to stop him.  Never before had
he gone so far as to strike her. The logical thing to do was to have
him locked up, for his own safety as well as hers. She was sure his
attack was another symptom of the nightmares which continued to plague
him.  By forcing him to seek treatment, maybe the nightmares would
finally end for them both.

      But at what cost?  The secret files would have to be abandoned
to prevent anyone from questioning him while he was in such a
vulnerable state.  She would be in no position to advance the
investigation if Mulder's condition put her under even more pressure
to 'fall into line'.  Would she be betraying Mulder by handing him
over to 'them' or was she hurting him more by allowing his rampant
rages to go unchecked?  How much of her desire to help him was really
her own need to control him and their relationship? Was she going so
far as to force him away from the X-Files?

     Scully had tolerated physical abuse before.  While she was dating
Jack Willis, his frustrated attempts to make love to her ended in
violent outbursts.  She had managed to survive and forgive Jack.  How
could she not give Mulder the same consideration? And how much of his
jealousy was her own fault? She had dismissed his concerns about
Skinner without seriously considering how much the idea of her
infidelity hurt him. Scully was determined not to let her own fears
dictate her decision, as they had ten years ago.  Instead, she would
wait for proof that Mulder could still control his own behavior once
the offending trigger of jealousy subsided.

     After an hour or so, Scully ventured to give Mulder a gentle
kiss.  He blinked open his eyes and she was relieved to see the pale
hazel softness.  He carefully kissed her back and began to speak. "I
had another horrible dream?" Then he realized that her bruises were
real and he began to cry. "Oh God! It's finally happened. I've gone
over the edge."

    Scully sighed with relief and wrapped her arms around him to
comfort him. She downplayed the seriousness of his physical attack. "I
'm all right. I think you're reacting to a temporary state of
hallucination caused by the lack of sleep. It's augmenting your
natural aggression and paranoia.  Your dreams are probably crossing
over with your waking delusions. I'm just glad you seem to be OK now."
She paused to let him process the thought then asked, "What do you
remember from the dream?'

    "Accusing you, hurting you, demanding that you surrender to me."
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Then you shot me." He
instinctively checked his chest for a wound then smiled to himself. "I
guess that part was just a dream."

    Scully got off the couch and furrowed her brow.  "Not entirely. I
did draw my weapon but I didn't release the safety."

   Mulder sat up and shook his head. "We have to find out what those
files are before I totally lose it.  I think they're making me even
more paranoid, almost like a pre-cognition of the dangerous nature of
the contents."

   "Mulder, if these files are so dangerous, I have to ask – Are they
worth it? Are they worth risking everything?" Her voice had the ragged
sound of anxiousness. The weight of this decision demanded serious
consideration by both of them. It was not just a matter of their jobs
being threatened. They were risking their reputations, their
relationship, their sanity and even their lives.

   Mulder gave her little comfort as he answered "I know we're close.
Why else would they be coming down on you so hard.  I'm not just being
paranoid.  There are secrets hidden in those files that people have a
right to know."

    Scully knew he was right about the peoples rights but she also
knew that pursuing the truth in this manner bordered on treason. "I
need to know they aren't going to let us hang ourselves with this. I
need to know we're doing the right thing." Scully asked exasperated.

   Instead of arguing with her, Mulder nodded his head in agreement
and said, "I'll see if I can find out." placing an 'X' in his window
with tape.  Feeling some sense of reassurance and seeing Mulder's good
sense return, Scully gave him another kiss and left to keep her
appointment with the Bureau of Indian Affairs.

_____________________________

    Scully had a productive meeting and learned at least two important
facts.  She was given the name of a 'code-talker' in New Mexico and
she discovered that the document contained modern words of an ominous
nature – 'vaccination' and 'merchandise'.  The words were not
particularly alarming but she recalled her father's stories of the
Nazi medical experiments using the same terms.  She tried to call
Mulder but when he didn't answer she assumed that his 'source' had
contacted him. She planned to go to Mulder's to relay the information
but she decided to stop by her place first and freshen up since the
bruises from her fight with Mulder were generating stares.

     When she finally arrived at Mulder's, he was gone.  No message
and he had taken his weapon.  Scully prayed that he didn't have
another outburst while he was armed. She glanced around the apartment
and saw the X still on the window.  She wondered if the 'source' had
contacted him as she peered out the taped window.  Suddenly a shot
rang out, crashing through the window, grazing Scully's temple and
knocking her out.

    A car sped away with two men inside.  The driver was a large black
man with a deadly expression on his face. The other was a younger
dark-haired man who looked on the verge of panic. "Jesus! You could
have killed her!" Krychek shouted.

     "And your point is?"  the driver asked coldly, as he handed
Krychek the weapon.  "I'm supposed to make him more paranoid. A dead
wife in his living room should do the trick." The man Mulder knew as
X, maintained a cool faηade. He couldn't let Krychek know that the
shot was fired as a warning to Scully that Mulder's life was in
danger. If she hadn't flinched at the last second, it would have been
a clean miss.  Now she was out cold and he had no choice but to send
Krychek on his next assignment. If nothing else the bullet was
valuable evidence if Scully pulled it out before anyone else. "You do
understand your assignment? He has a bad heart. You don't have to kill
him out right. A random shot to the chest will be more convincing. And
for God sakes don't shoot him in the back."

      Krychek snatched the gun from his hand. < Damn, I'm missing my
last night with Melissa so I can shoot at her sister and frame her
brother-in-law for murder. There's no way I can fake this one. Not
with Mulder completely strung out. Maybe I'll think of something if I
can ditch this guy.> Krychek mumbled out loud  "I know my damn job,
all right.  The old man won't give Mulder a shred of evidence. Then
all I've got to do is plant the gun back at Mulder's place."  Krychek
studied the familiar looking weapon.  "What's so special about this
thing anyway?"

    "It's the gun you took from Agent Scully's apartment.  Whether you
did it with malice of forethought or just to disguise your clumsy exit
as a break in, it opened a window of opportunity."  X gritted his
teeth tightly as he spoke.  The weapon tightened the noose around
Mulder's neck but X couldn't risk exposure by trying to help Mulder
anymore than he already had.

    Krychek swore to himself for acting so rashly when he escaped from
Scully's place and tucked the weapon under his jacket. Then he asked
bitterly "So why are you tagging along tonight?"

   "I don't want you getting trigger happy." X scolded. "It does us no
good if Mulder is shot with the same weapon as his 'victims' unless
its suicide. That's not part of the plan.  That's why we left Cardinal
at home.  He's sloppy and over eager to kill someone."

    "I won't shoot Mulder.  Actually, I kind of like him."  Krychek
commented offhandedly.

    X half smiled and replied "Rumor has it, you've got more than a
passing interest in him.  Personally, I don't think you're his type."

    Krychek shrugged and said, "He's got enough balls to stand up to
you bastards. And he's doing something right to keep Scully from
dumping him even though he keeps pissing her off."

    X stopped the car and Krychek was worried for a second that his
career, and his life, might be coming to an abrupt end.  X got out and
said. "That observation earned you a solo tonight. There's a plane
waiting at the airstrip. Pick up the car at the destination and drive
back when you're done. Let us know when the weapon is planted." Then
he vanished into the darkness, wondering to himself if he had found
another operative who could replace him as Mulder's 'source'.
______________________________

     Hours earlier, Mulder had received an urgent call from his father
and even though he had been waiting to hear from X, he couldn't ignore
his father's plea.  Mulder felt more alert but the fever seemed worse
as he drove to his father's house in Martha's Vineyard.

    When he arrived, his father greeted him with a hand shake then a
hug.  Mulder knew something must be seriously wrong for his father to
be so silent.  He insisted he had something important to tell him
about his work with the State Department. About the choices he had to
make. He rambled on as Mulder's already clouded mind tried to
comprehend.

    "You were always a smart boy, Fox. Smarter than I ever was.  Your
politics are yours. You've never thrown in with them. The minute you
do, their doctrines become yours and you can be held responsible." He
paused and stumbled over the words as if the words themselves choked
in his throat. "You're going to learn of things, Fox. You're going to
hear the words and they'll come to make sense to you. 'The merchandise
'."  Mulder shook his head at the apparent confession from his father
that made no sense.  Bill seemed short of breath and said "Excuse me.
I've been taking medication."   Then he left for the bathroom.

     Bill entered the bathroom and sighed at his own reflection. He
was a coward as well as a liar.  He couldn't bring himself to tell his
son the truth. The words simply wouldn't come out.  He took his
medicine from the cabinet then saw the reflection of a dark figure
behind him.  Without seeing it, Bill knew there was a gun in the
visitor's hand.

    "He sent you, didn't he? My old friend." Bill sighed and turned to
look at the startled Krychek. "Don't worry. I'm not armed. So this is
what they mean when they say you can't live with the truth." Krychek
nervously stepped closer wondering if this was some kind of trick.
Bill Mulder continued to talk to him.  "In a way, I guess it's a
relief knowing it's over. You'd better hurry up before Fox comes in
here and finds you. He'll kill you if he thinks you're here after me.
He's a good son. I'm sorry I was such a bad father."

    Krychek tried to pull the trigger but he was unnerved by a man
practically demanding he be executed. Maybe this was his out, Krychek
thought. < Maybe if I can convince Mulder I stopped his father from
killing himself, he might trust me. > Krychek took a tremendous leap
of faith and held the weapon out to Bill Mulder. "Here. 9mm
repentance."

    Bill took the weapon and fired a shot through his right temple
before Krychek could even move. The body crumpled to the floor, the
open vial of medicine spilled tablets across his chest as the weapon
dropped from the dying hand.  Krychek just stood there momentarily
shocked by the sudden self inflicted violence. He had no idea the man
was so bent on killing himself. <So much for an alliance.> Krychek
thought as he grabbed the weapon and ducked out the window.

     Seconds later, Mulder burst into the room to find his father
dying on the floor.  He gently cradled his head, with tears in his
eyes. "Dad?" he whispered desperately trying to believe it wasn't
true.

    With his dying breath, Bill Mulder asked of his son the one thing
that might save his soul. "Forgive me." The tears that touched his
face were Bill Mulder's final pardon for the sins against his family.

     Mulder cried uncontrollably as his father's blood ran down his
shirt. He carried the body to living room and cried at his feet. Then
he called the only person who could tell him what to do.
______________________________

     Scully was only out briefly when she heard the frantic pounding
on the door.  She felt the warm blood running down her face but
managed to open the door slowly.  Mulder's neighbor stared at her
anxiously. They had heard the window shatter and were afraid there had
been another violent incident in the apartments. Her calm reassurance
convinced them that she wasn't seriously hurt and that it was just an
accident. Once they left, she waited nervously for what seemed like
days in Mulder's apartment, hoping he would return soon.  When her
cell phone rang, she grabbed it immediately. It was Mulder.

      "My father's dead. They shot him." he mumbled.

      Scully tried to get coherent answers from Mulder but he was
obviously grief stricken and ill.  Her worst fears might be coming
true. Mulder claimed that they weren't arguing but that his father was
trying to tell him something.

       "I didn't kill him." Mulder moaned.

       "I believe you." she replied automatically. Unfortunately, he
had no idea who the killer might be so Scully insisted he get out of
there immediately.  Even as confused as he was, Mulder knew that
running would make it look like he was guilty.  Scully argued that his
recent behavior and the history of conflict with his father made him a
suspect already.  Even if another weapon was used, Mulder's job gave
him access to other weapons which might not be tracked to him.  The
truth was Scully was more worried about his safety than a murder
charge.  Someone had shot through his window and that same someone
could be looking for him at his father's place.  Mulder agreed to meet
her at her place, then carefully covered his father and left the house
in tears.

     Scully agonized for hours waiting for Mulder to arrive. < I
should have picked him up instead. > she scolded herself.  Finally she
heard a faint knock and she opened the front door.  She gasped "Oh my
God!" at the sight of Mulder so ill that it broke her heart.

    Weak and disoriented, he could barely stand as he reached out to
embrace her.  She steadied him in her arms as he teetered dangerously
off balance. He was burning with fever, mumbling "We have to find
them. The people who killed my father." Exhausted and confused, he
tried to sit in the first chair he saw but Scully gently redirected
him towards the bedroom. She knew that once he was off his feet she
would have to carry him to bed herself, a difficult task and one she
had already performed once that day.

     Once he was in bed, she tried to cool his fever with cold
compresses and medication.  He was delirious and almost helpless.  She
was honestly afraid he would die.  She made an anonymous call to the
West Tisbury police claiming her husband heard the shot and found Bill
Mulder barely alive and that they moved him to the couch just before
he died. Of course she failed to mention her husband was the victim's
son. She hung up the cell phone before they could track the number.
She promised herself she'd tell them the whole truth once she knew
Mulder was safe.

     Mulder's fever raged as did his delusional raving. His behavior
shifted back and forth from the weakened agent to the jealous madman
to a helpless child suckling at her breast for comfort. Scully stayed
by his side all night, holding him and comforting him, without fear
for her own safety. The fever finally broke in the morning and Mulder
rested quietly at last. Scully remained until she was sure it was safe
to leave him home by himself.

    When she called into Skinner's office to report he was very ill
and that she would be coming in late, he advised her that in lieu of
Mulder's disciplinary hearing, she would be required to make a
statement until Mulder was well enough to answer for himself.  Skinner
also informed her that they already knew about his father's death and
that he was already considered a suspect.  Skinner hesitated then
added, "I think it would be prudent to relieve him of his weapon until
we clear up this matter."

    Scully wrapped herself around Mulder's sleeping form and whispered
quietly into his ear, "I trust you but I have to protect you. This is
the only way. We have to know for sure."  She kissed him then slid off
the bed and removed his gun from his holster as if it were a piece of
evidence.

     Scully checked the weapon and discovered it had a full clip. Of
course, he could have reloaded but she found no evidence of an extra
clip or extra rounds on him or in his car.  Next she took the weapon
the to the FBI Firearms Units for comparison against the bullet that
killed his father.  As she waited for the results, her cell phone
rang.

    "You took my gun!" an incensed Mulder growled at her over the
phone line.  "You think I did it."

     "Mulder, I took your gun to run it through ballistics to try and
clear you." Scully replied seriously.

 "Well, why didn't you ask me?" Mulder questioned.

   "You had a temperature of 102 and were delirious most of the night.
Once you calmed down, I didn't want to wake you." Scully tried to
sound sincere as she told only part of the truth.  She carefully
omitted that taking the gun was Skinner's idea.

   Mulder continued to berate her. "Last night you said it didn't
matter if it wasn't my gun that killed him. That I was still the prime
suspect. So why is a ballistics test so important today? What, were
you afraid that I was going to shoot you too?"

     Scully tried to calm him. "Every piece of evidence that points
away from you is important.  Mulder, I'm being called into Skinner's
office this afternoon, they're going to want answers and I'd like some
good ones to give them."

    "So you can clear your conscience and your name?  So you can make
him happy?" Mulder roared. "You've been against me ever since the
beginning. Making your reports. Taking your little notes."

     "Mulder, you're not well.  You're not thinking straight, like
yesterday afternoon.  I'm on your side. You know that!" Scully
insisted.

    He ignored her and continued his accusations.  "?Pretending you
really loved me. All the while meeting with Skinner behind my back."

    "I DO love you, Mulder, and I AM trying to help you." She knew his
illness was confusing his thoughts and desperately tried to bring him
to his senses. "Concentrate, Mulder. Think! You have to believe me."
she begged him.

    "You have my files and you have my gun. Don't ask for my trust!"
Mulder answered hatefully. "As for your love, keep it! I can't afford
it!"  He hung up before she could reply.

    Scully sighed deeply and considered her choices. She could only
guess what Mulder might do in his current state, but she seemed to be
the catalyst that drove him to violence.  She doubted he would harm
anyone else except maybe Skinner.  Only when Mulder's jealousy,
paranoia, and nightmares began to overlap were the consequences
disastrous.  If she went after him, he might only get worse.  If she
delayed her investigation, all of the physical evidence might
disappear, or be replaced by incriminating evidence designed to
discredit Mulder.

    Mulder's words hurt her deeply even if they were spoken in a fit
of madness. Combined with the memory of his attack, Scully's feelings
demanded that she take some action to retaliate to preserve her own
self respect.  But not now.  She buried her emotions and concentrated
on the task at hand.  There was no time to salvage their relationship.
She had to first save his life.
_______________________________

   Krychek made a serious error in judgment the previous night.
Instead of going directly to Mulder's place to plant the weapon, he
stopped to see Melissa to apologize for not meeting her as promised.
Krychek wanted to confess his role in Bill Mulder's death but once he
saw her, his noble convictions vanished.  He couldn't bear the thought
of her hating him.  So instead he told her that he had to leave soon
and never see her again.  At least that much was true.   But Melissa
sensed there was more to the story than he revealed and an argument
ensued.

     "If you don't trust me, just tell me." the fiery redhead
challenged. "Don't insult me by pretending you're trying to protect
me."

    "I AM trying to protect you!" Krychek insisted. "You have no idea
what kind of people I work for."

   "Yes I do." she shouted back.  "They're the same people who tried
to kill the hope in your heart."

   "It's my life! I made my choices. Now I have to live with them."
Krychek bristled "You said that I was the darkness that completed you.
Don't you get it? That's all I am – Darkness.  No hope, no future, no
soul."

  "You have a soul, Alex.  I've seen it. I've touched it. It's a
beautiful soul and I've made it a part of mine."  Her hands rested
gently on his shoulders as she pressed her face into his chest.

    He wrapped his arms around her and moaned "Melissa, any good you
see inside of me is just a reflection of you, of what you've given
 me."

    "For God's sake, Alex, why can't you believe in yourself." she
whispered sadly.

    He sighed heavily and replied, "I do, every time I'm with you. You
make me want to believe. But then I go out there and nothing changes.
I run around with the best intentions but I still do all the terrible
things I have to do."

    "I guess that means you should stay with me all the time." she
answered in a sultry voice. Melissa ran her hands over his shoulders,
pulling off his jacket as she ran kisses up his throat.

     Krychek groaned uncontrollably at the sensations she generated.
He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on his words. "Melissa, I'
m trying to say good-bye to you."

    Melissa whispered, "I'm trying to change your mind. But if what
you say is true and this is our last night together, I refuse to spend
it trying to find a reason to hate you."

    Her words burned hot in his ear, as hot as his desire. But he
tried one last time to make her see his own evil nature.   "I've done
things?hurt people, good people?ruined lives?betrayed people who
trusted me?all because I was told to." he gasped.

    By now Melissa had tugged at his tee-shirt, pulling it free of his
trousers.  Her hands had slipped under the fabric and she ran her
fingertips along his smooth skin.  He shivered at her touch but held
back his own passion.  Finally she answered in a firm clear voice of
reason, sounding more like her sister than herself, although the logic
was purely Melissa.  "If you committed those crimes with malice, then
the universe will find a way to seek justice.  It's just the balance
of nature. Darkness and light are part of each of us. You have to
accept that what you do is separate from who you are.  We all have a
part to play for reasons we don't understand. History assigns roles of
heroes and villains. Fate doesn't judge – it just is."

   Once again, her words brought the light and hope into his heart.
Krychek surrendered to her powerful emotions and they spent the night
making love to each other as if the world was about to end.  To
Krychek for all practical purposes, it was.

___________________________

   Mulder tore through Scully's closets looking for his clothes.  He
was sure she had taken them as more evidence to use against him. At
least she hadn't touched the clothes he left there when he moved out.
He grabbed a shirt and pants but discovered a shirt he didn't
recognize.  It was too large to be his and he immediately suspected
that it belonged to another man. Mulder ripped the shirt to shreds and
trashed several of Scully's dresses.  He finally collapsed, emotional
drained and unable to maintain his rage.

      As Mulder surveyed the damage he caused, he began to realize
that perhaps Scully was right about his state of mind.  Even he
couldn't explain his sudden loss of control. Had he finally lost the
ability to distinguish dream from real life?  No, she started it by
taking his gun, he told himself.  Then he remembered that she had
reported her own gun had been stolen last week.  Suddenly Mulder
imagined an entire plot to discredit and frame him, planned and
executed by the people he trusted-Scully and Skinner.  Mulder panicked
and ran from the house.

     Mulder ran down the street as if the Devil himself was on his
heels.   He felt certain that all his worst fears were coming true.
He had no one to turn to.  If he was lucky he might be able to get
home, collect his important files then try to get into the office to
recover the data tape from its hiding place.  He dashed into a bar and
called for a cab.
___________________

     Scully returned to Mulder's place and dug out the bullet which
had been fired at her the previous day. With luck it would match the
round that killed Bill Mulder, adding to the evidence that someone was
trying to frame Mulder. It still wasn't enough to prove his innocence
but she needed something to show Skinner to keep him from shutting the
books on Mulder all together.  As she glanced out the window, she
noticed an unmarked van removing a water tank from the basement.  Any
lead was worth following at this point, so she headed down stairs.

    In the basement, she found several similar tanks which were hooked
up to the apartment building's water supply to soften the city water.
Then she noticed something different about one of the tanks.  While
all other tanks had older, corroded fittings, one tank had shiny new
hardware.  She carefully detached the tank and examined its contents
and discovered that it contained more than water softeners. A special
filter was suspended in the tank, designed to slowly release some
chemical into the water supply. It was possible someone was trying to
poison Mulder.  She quickly called the FBI Lab on her cell phone to
order an analysis.

    A young sounding voice came over the phone.  "Agent Scully, this
is Agent Pendrell." In a hushed tone he said "There's some rumors
flying around the lab that I think you should know.  They found a
match for the ballistics from the shooting but it wasn't the weapon
you brought in.  It was YOUR weapon, the one reported stolen last
week.  We had the specs in our data base already. I heard the PD is
looking for you and Mulder for questioning."

    Scully recalled the night the gun was stolen and the dark figure
that fled from her apartment.  She had made a full report to the
police but she knew even then that Mulder fit the description.  The
chain on the door accounted for the forced entry.  And who but Mulder
would have purposefully taken the photo of herself and Melissa. She
sighed and answered. "Can you let Skinner know I'll be there in an
hour? I'll bring the sample for analysis in myself but make sure they
send a team out here for trace evidence. Thanks for the heads-up,
Pendrell. I owe you one."

    "Any time, Agent Scully." the young agent replied enthusiastically
then hung up, smiling from ear to ear.  Even if she was married, it
was worth the risk just to hear her say 'thanks'. Word had it that she
and Mulder couldn't last much longer and Agent Pendrell wanted Scully
to know that she could count on him if Mulder turned against her. If
only poor Pendrell knew to what extremes Scully would go to just to
protect Mulder, he wouldn't have gotten his hopes up.
______________________________


     Meanwhile, Krychek lurked outside Mulder's apartment.  He knew he
'd catch hell for not dumping the gun there earlier but when he
finally left Melissa's place and arrived there, Scully was already
inside.  He waited and watched her go into the basement. His finely
honed instincts told him to act now while he had the chance but his
mixed emotions made him hesitate. Scully would be easy prey as she
stepped out of the dimly lit basement.  One shot, no witnesses, then
Krychek could remove the last bit of evidence which she uncovered and
stash the weapon in Mulder's apartment.  Given his recent behavior,
even Mulder would question his own innocence.  It was a perfect set
up. Perfect except for the fact that it was morally wrong. Only a
month ago he would have laughed at such a thought but now it actually
meant something to him and he had no idea how to deal with it.

    Just then a cab pulled up and Mulder hopped out. Krychek knew that
Mulder was too deranged to be trusted so he hid in the shadows.  <
Maybe if I take Mulder hostage, Scully would listen. > Krychek
thought. With her help, he might be able to get out of this whole
nasty business and start over again.  Without a clear plan of action,
Krychek acted rashly, trying to circle around but Mulder spotted him.

      Mulder turned the corner and waited, knowing someone was right
behind him. Unarmed, Mulder planned to strike with deadly force none
the less.  As soon as Krychek's arm came into view, Mulder seized him
and pounded on him mercilessly.  The first blow sent Krychek's weapon
flying and the attack that followed incapacitated him, as Mulder threw
him against the hood of a parked car.  Mulder seized the gun before
Krychek could recover and held the barrel against the dazed man's
forehead.

  "Krychek! You double crossing rat bastard!" Mulder shouted as he
recognized the man stalking him. Mulder imagined Krychek to be an
unseen evil, the face behind all the dirty tricks and low blows that
the Cigarette Smoking Man concocted.  In his mind, Mulder knew exactly
why Krychek suddenly reappeared – to murder Bill Mulder. "I'm going to
kill you anyway so you might as well tell me the truth. Did you kill
my father?" Mulder roared.  Krychek just gasped and tried to shake his
head to say 'No' but Mulder just kept yelling. "Did you kill him?
Answer me!" When Krychek failed to confess, Mulder began hitting his
bloodied face again.  Then Mulder stepped back from Krychek's battered
body and leveled the gun at his head, preparing to execute him whether
he confessed or not.

    Just then Scully came from nowhere with her weapon drawn and aimed
towards both men. "Mulder, don't shoot him.  Just back away."  Scully
ordered Mulder as forcefully as possible.

    "He killed my father, Scully.  It wasn't me!" Mulder screamed as
his hands shook with white hot rage.

     Krychek just stood there helpless, believing that he deserved to
die at the hands of a monster he helped create.  < Melissa was right
all along. > he thought. < You can't escape fate. >

   Scully knew that Mulder had once again slipped beyond reason but
this time revenge fueled his madness. But how could he be so sure it
was Krychek who killed his father?  If Mulder fired the weapon, it
would be nothing less than murder. And if the gun turned out to be
hers, there would be no way to prove that Mulder hadn't used it
himself to fire at her or kill his father. Mulder wasn't about to
surrender his scapegoat so Scully tried to give him one last chance to
stand down.  She moved in closer and shifted her aim. "I have him,
Mulder."

   Suddenly Mulder's aim also shifted, as his sites lined up on
Scully.  "No! You don't believe me! You never have! It was all a lie!"
Mulder raved.

   "Mulder?Fox, please listen to me." Scully begged.  "This is not the
way.  Whatever you think is happening, you must know I love you."  Her
voice trembled not with fear but with desperation knowing her options
were down to two. Shoot Krychek or shoot Mulder.

    "Stop lying to me!" Mulder knocked Krychek aside to get a clearer
shot at Scully. "You've been corrupting my mind and polluting my body
so you can control me. But not this time. I swear I'll kill you myself
if you try to stop me."

    His voice, his accusations and his rage triggered the dark fear
and deep resentment that she had been able to suppress until now.
"That's what you want, isn't it? So you can rape my dead body just
like in your dreams!"  Scully blurted out, as she took a defensive
stance towards Mulder, aiming at his head.  "You can't prove you're a
man by behaving like an animal!" If this 'animal' attacked her again,
she was quite prepared to kill it rather than face the horror of
Mulder acting out his nightmares. It was as if she shared his madness.

   Mulder was poised to lunge at Scully.   Krychek realized he had a
chance to make a break for it but as soon as he moved, Mulder grabbed
his collar and threw him against the wall.  Both agents instinctively
moved their aim from each other to Krychek. Once they realized what
they had done, Mulder and Scully exchanged a look that settled the
argument.  Whatever private hell drove their madness, one reality
remained. They were partners, bound together by purpose and,
ultimately, by love.

    The tension of the moment eased as Mulder and Scully slowly
regained their composure.  Even with two guns pointed at him, Krychek
figured this was his best chance to get someone to listen to him.
"Mulder, you have to believe me. I didn't kill your father but I know
who wanted him dead." he confessed breathlessly.

    "No!" shouted Mulder as the rage returned with a vengeance.
Mulder hit Krychek forcefully again then held the gun close to his
head. Krychek panted heavily and tried not to close his eyes, wanting
to face his own death as honestly as he could.  How ironic that he
would die telling the truth to Mulder who refused to believe. He
watched as Mulder's finger tightened slowly on the trigger. A single
shot rang out and Krychek gasped but felt no pain. Instead Mulder
dropped to the ground, moaning.

    Scully ran to Mulder to inspect the wound she inflicted on him.
It was a clean shot to his left shoulder.  It was the only way she
could stop him before he killed Krychek. Just when she thought Mulder'
s sanity had returned, she was forced to shoot him after all.  She
applied pressure to control the bleeding and gently kissed his
forehead, as she moved the weapon away from his hand.

    Krychek wanted to explain to Scully that he was telling the truth,
that he didn't murder Bill Mulder.  But instinct took over and he
grabbed the gun and fled the scene as fast as his feet would carry
him. As he ran, he told himself that she'd never believe him and that
she'd just as easily shoot him as well.  He was cursed with a selfish
desire to survive at all costs, even if it meant losing the one chance
he had to be a free man.

_______________________________

     Mulder regained consciousness in a soft bed in a brightly lit
room, as a very familiar scent lingered nearby.  Even before his eyes
could clearly focus, he reached out and whispered "Dana?"  His hand
was met with the warm soft hands of loving kindness.  He pulled the
hands close and kissed them gently, wondering how much of the horror
he remembered was just a dream.

    Scully sat beside him, with a soft smile. "Good, you're awake."
She carefully kissed his parched lips then handed him a glass of water
and told him to drink. He sipped the water obediently and listened as
she explained that he hadn't had anything to drink in almost two days.
Scully checked the wound on his left shoulder and assured him there
was no serious injury.  Mulder's eyes darkened as he realized the
violent confrontation wasn't a dream.

     "Dana, you shot me." he said, not with anger but remorse.  "Was I
that much out of control?"

     Scully lovingly touched the dressing covering the wound and
replied "I did shoot you, Mulder but I did it to protect you. I didn't
have much choice. You were going to shoot Krychek "

     Mulder breathed a sigh of relief but as his memory of the
incident became clearer, his smiled vanished.  Looking more hurt than
angry, he asked "Why'd you shot me?  Krychek was the one who?"

    Scully stopped him by placing a kindly hand on his lips.   "If he
is, then the gun he used is probably the same one used to kill your
father.  Mulder, it's the same weapon that was stolen from my
apartment last Friday, the same day we had an argument at work.  If
you had killed Krychek with that weapon there would be no way to prove
it wasn't you who shot your father."  Mulder dropped back against the
bed and nodded in understanding.  She looked down and added quietly,
"I'm sorry about your father, Mulder.  I haven't been able to tell
you."  She paused in an awkward silence then said "I would have liked
to have known him better."

     Mulder took a deep breath and bit his lip to hold back the tears
as he replied "So would I."  Scully cradled his head against her chest
and waited for his mourning to settle.  Once he regained his
composure, he asked "How did you know it was Krychek?"

    "I didn't." Scully explained how she had gone to his apartment to
recover the slug and discovered that someone had tampered with the
water supply.  "Considering the level of psychosis you were
experiencing, it was probably LSD, amphetamines, or some kind of
exotic dopamine agonist."

      "So it wasn't just my nightmares making me crazy." Mulder
concluded.

       Scully nodded.  "They may have been the catalyst for your
behavior but I'm sure it was the drugs that drove you to such
extremes.   Even someone without a history of emotional outbursts
would have acted irrationally."

    "Oh my God. There was a murder in my building." Mulder recalled
with alarm.

     Scully shook her head sadly. "Well, it wasn't an exercise in
subtlety." It was clear to both agents that who ever drugged Mulder
was also responsible for killing his father, not only to silence him
but to use his murder as another way to cast doubt on Mulder's sanity.
With the secret files in his possession, he had gotten too close to
the Truth and they needed to discredit or silence him.  They thought
Mulder's uncontrolled rage would turn even those he trusted the most
against him.  They hadn't counted on Scully's courage and devotion.

    Mulder hugged her tightly and sobbed "I almost raped you. I might
have killed you.  And you still risked your life to protect me.  God,
what did I do to deserve a guardian angel like you?"

    In a calm clear steady voice, she answered "Your love and faith
saved me ten years ago after I was attacked and a hundred times over
since then.  That's why I married you. That's why I love you." Her
voice wavered as she whispered, "I was certain they would have killed
you, Fox."  They held each other silently for several moments until
Scully broke the tension by teasing him as she touched his wounded
shoulder.  "Besides, I've always been able to handle you with my own
style of persuasion."

     "You're lucky she's a good shot." The voice came from an elderly
Indian gentleman who had been witness to the entire conversation,
although Mulder hadn't noticed him until he spoke.

    Mulder smiled at the man and replied "Or a bad one.  I'm not sure
I want to know what she was aiming at."

    Scully introduced the man as Albert Holsteen, a Navajo code-talker
that she had contacted about translating the files. Scully explained
to Mulder that they were in Farmington, New Mexico, near the Navajo
reservation.  She has sedated Mulder to let the drug clear his system
while she drove cross country for two days to see Albert and ask for
his help in decoding the files. Albert actually helped encode the
original files back in World War II. "A woman in Washington gave me
his name." she told Mulder then continued "But he claims he knew you
were coming."

   Albert gazed at Mulder knowingly and nodded. "Last week, we had an
omen."  He left the motel room to give the agents time to make plans
in private.

   Scully reported that so far, even the translated files were written
in jargon and still rather vague.  But apparently there was an
international conspiracy of silence dating back to the 1940's.
"Albert says that evidence of these secrets are buried on a Navajo
reservation not far from here.  He says that he'll take you as soon as
you are able."

   Mulder nodded thoughtfully then realized she didn't say ' us'.
"What about you?"  Mulder rose from the bed and slowly stretched his
legs as he moved behind Scully.

    She sighed  "I'm afraid you're on your own with this one. I didn't
show up for a meeting with Skinner the day before yesterday and I
don't know what the repercussions will be."   Mulder hugged her again
then refilled his drinking glass as she continued.  "I spoke with
Agent Pendrell at the lab before I encountered you and Krychek.  With
any luck, he may have recovered evidence at your apartment to prove
you were being drugged."

     Mulder cracked a smile and answered "I don't think you need luck
for this one.  If you told Pendrell what you wanted to find, I'm sure
that's what he'll find."

    Scully raised an eyebrow in question. "Just what are you implying,
Agent Mulder?"

   "It's no secret Pendrell has a crush on you.  Every time you step
into the lab, he follows you around like a puppy dog." Mulder said
casually.

    "And you're not jealous?" Scully teased.

    "Of Pendrell?" Mulder grinned and shook his head. "Skinner may be
a worthy opponent for your affections but even doped up, I'd be hard
pressed to think of Pendrell as a threat."

    Scully stood up and approached Mulder. Her face was inches from
his chest as she spoke in a soft seductive tone.  "Pendrell is a good
agent and he's very considerate. And he's very eager to please."

    Even in his weakened state, Mulder felt the familiar arousal that
her teasing always generated.  Wrapping his arms around her, he
answered "I'm eager to please, too."

  Scully touched his bandages and frowned slightly. "Sometimes I wish
that I was the only thing that drove you mad."

    Mulder pulled her down to the bed and panted "Today, you are."
Mulder's wounded condition prevented him from wildly expressing his
passion. Instead they kissed and caressed, and whispered quiet vows to
each other until they felt a peaceful rolling climax.  Mulder realized
that for the first time in weeks there were no violent images or
emotions that accompanied his excitement. Scully didn't say a word
about it but he knew that she realized the same thing.

   Scully's breathing turned into soft sighs as she felt the warmth of
her gentle loving husband once again.  She savored the moment but time
was not a luxury they could afford. It was time to move ahead and face
the difficult task before them.

     Scully broke the sweet silence as she rose from the bed. "Mulder,
I think you should know – your father's name appears in those files."
She paused to give him time to shift into 'work mode.'  The softness
faded from his eyes as he sat up and listened intently.  "As near as I
tell, he was involved with handling what they referred to as the
'merchandise'. What do you think it means?"

     "I think that's what he was trying to tell me just before he was
murdered.  That would explain why they wanted him dead." Mulder
offered.  "I suspected some kind of connection when that woman who
claimed to be Samantha came to me."

      "Oddly enough, there is no mention of Samantha anywhere in the
file although there is an entry concerning you."  A look of mild shock
crossed Mulder's face but she quickly explained, "It just says that
you're William Mulder's son and that you work for the FBI with the
X-Files." Mulder relaxed again until Scully pursed her lip and said
with a strained voice, "There's something else. My name is in those
files.  It appears in the latest entries with Duane Barry's."

     Mulder stood beside her and looked deeply into her eyes.  He saw
the fear she carefully controlled.  It was the fear of the unknown,
unexplainable fate that was forged when she was abducted. He stroked
her cheek with the back of his hand as he asked with a voice full of
concern, "In what context?"

     "It's not clear but it has something to do with a test." She
paused and took a deep breath to gather her strength then returned his
intense gaze.  "I want you to find out, Mulder. I need you to."

    Mulder leaned forward and kissed her cheek.  "I promise.  Whatever
it is they're trying to hide, we're both a part of it."

     Scully smiled kindly and sighed "You've always said it – The
Truth is out there. I suppose you were right but now we have to face
the fact that I'm a part the that Truth." She held her hand to her
heart and Mulder placed his hand over it. "Fox, I need to know what it
all means."

     He suddenly pulled her back down to the bed in a passionate
embrace and whispered "My Truth has always been with you."

_______________________________

    The following day, Mulder felt strong enough to go with Albert as
Scully prepared to return to Washington DC. As much as Mulder and
Scully wanted to be together, they both knew their future depended on
each one doing what they did best.  Mulder said nothing as he left
with Albert.  Words would only distract them from their tasks.
Instead, he took off his wedding ring, kissed it then placed it in her
hand.  Any other woman would have been alarmed if her husband handed
her his ring but Scully knew that Mulder gave it to her as a promise,
a promise to return with the Truth.

     As Mulder drove to the reservation, Albert stared into the empty
desert. Mulder could tell that the old man saw more than the vast
barren landscape.  Mulder tried to see what held his attention but
there didn't seem to be anything out there.  It was obvious to Mulder
that Albert's vision went far beyond his own.  Mulder tried to open
his own perceptions and started by saying, "You said you knew I was
coming."

    Albert cryptically explained that secrets were like the creatures
of the desert.  They survived by hiding deep in the sand but revealed
themselves when the time was right. Mulder just barely understood the
implications so he asked "But why me?"

   Albert studied Mulder's intense gaze and said "You are prepared to
accept the truth aren't you, to sacrifice yourself to it?"  Mulder
shrugged, not sure of what Albert was asking.  Albert explained by way
of a story.  He told Mulder of a race that lived in the area over 600
years ago. They were known as the 'Anasazi', the Ancient Aliens.
Historians say they disappeared without a trace but according to
Albert, they only say this because they are not willing to sacrifice
themselves to the Truth. When Mulder asked what was the Truth, the
wise man replied, "Nothing disappears without a trace."

   Albert believed that the entire race of Anasazi were abducted from
our world by 'visitors who still come today.'

   Mulder nodded in understanding then cautiously asked. "If that's
the truth then what is the sacrifice?"

   "You.  And your world.  All your expectations and all you have
learned before.  You must question your own reality and accept the
answer.  Only then will you know the whole Truth." Albert said
solemnly.

    Mulder sighed sarcastically, "No problem. All in a day's work."

   Albert nodded, straight faced, and said "That is why I knew you
would come."  Albert introduced Mulder to his grandson, Eric, who
would take him to the place where the secrets waited for a sacrifice.
When Mulder asked Albert what was really out there, he answered,
"Lies. You will see for yourself."
_______________________________

      Mulder rode on the back of the dirt bike as they approached a
large quarry.  Eric pointed down into the pit and Mulder could barely
see a flat area that looked different from the surrounding rubble.
He nodded for Eric to continue.  There was nothing unusual about the
quarry but he continued to visually survey the area as they descended.
<The answer has to be here somewhere.  But what does this quarry have
to do with Scully?> he thought to himself.

    Suddenly Mulder had an epiphany. Not about the stolen files or the
buried secrets but about his own nightmares.  He had been so
distracted by the image of Scully in his dreams, that he never
bothered to consider that she might be symbolic of something else.
Scully represented the Truth, passionate and alive.  Her torture and
death stood for the suppression of the Truth. And by making love to
her as she laid dead or dying, he was sacrificing himself and his
desires to the Truth regardless of how horrible and disturbing it may
be.  The shattering climaxes he experienced were moments of raw energy
unleashed as the Truth revealed itself. When he hurt her in the dream,
it represented how he was being manipulated to cover up the Truth.
The nightmares began after he made love to Scully while she slept.
Just like the Truth which is sensed but cannot be proven, she drew him
in completely with her mere presence. Without her conscious emotions
getting in the way, he experienced the Truth deep within her.   And it
called to him in his dreams. Until now. Now he faced the real Truth
and he anticipated that the revelation would be just as shattering and
as horrifying as his nightmares.

   They finally reached the edge of the pit and as they scrambled
down, Mulder's cell phone rang.  He expected to hear Scully but
instead he heard the cold calculating voice of the Cigarette Smoking
Man.  Mulder seethed with anger as the man requested to speak with him
in person.  CSM warned him about taking things at face value.  Mulder
knew he was talking about the files but CSM pointed to Mulder's father
instead.  "He was never an opponent of the project. In fact he
authorized it.  That's what he couldn't live with."

   Mulder shouted back, "He couldn't live with it because you had him
killed."  CSM flatly denied involvement but Mulder continued to shout
"Now listen to me you black lunged son of a bitch. I'm going to expose
you and your project.  Your time is over."

    Calmly he answered, "Expose anything and you expose your father."

    "It's called sacrificing yourself to the Truth." Mulder growled.
"I learned it from my father."  Mulder hung up and continued towards
the hidden secrets.

___________________________

   CSM stared at the dead phone and smugly thought to himself, < How
like your father you are. Trapped by your own beliefs, using them to
justify everything you do.  You're a player, Agent Mulder, whether you
know it or not. >  Just then a military special-ops commando
approached him and told him they had the coordinates of Mulder's cell
phone.  CSM nodded and followed him to a waiting helicopter. CSM was
taking a risk by forcing a direct confrontation with Mulder but his
colleagues wanted results quickly and he was tired of hiding in the
shadows.  As they lifted off, he looked over the desert and wondered
just how good a 'player' Mulder would be.
 ____________________________

    Mulder soon saw that the object buried in the quarry was a
Southern Pacific Railroad boxcar, a refrigerator car to be precise.
Eric told him that an earthquake shifted the ground the week before
and exposed the top of the car. As they opened the hatch, Mulder could
smell death within, old death dried by the desert heat. Mulder dropped
into the darkness, prepared to separate the Truth from the lies.

   As he let his eyes become accustom to the limited light, he saw
something unbelievable. So naturally, he called Scully.  He told her
he was in a boxcar buried in the sand and that it was filled with
piles of bodies, stacked from floor to ceiling.  He couldn't tell her
what killed them all but his description reminded Scully of pictures
she had seen of the boxcars leaving the Nazi death camps.  She knew
exactly why she made the connection.

    "Mulder, in these files I found references to experiments that
were conducted here in the US by Axis Power scientists who were given
amnesty after the war." She explained seriously. "Some kind of tests,
on humans.  What they referred to as merchandise."

   Mulder shuddered. There was that word –  'merchandise' – that his
father said he would come to understand.  The true horror was in what
that merchandise was.  "These are not human, Scully.  From the looks
of it, I'd say they were aliens." She quickly asked if he as sure.
"Pretty damn sure." he answered as he stepped closer to the largest
pile.  "Wait a sec...This one has a small pox vaccination scar."
Scully gasped as Mulder realized all the bodies had the same scar.
"Oh my God, Scully! What have they done?"

    Before she could answer the phone went dead and the boxcar turned
dark and silent except for the echo of the hatch which had been
slammed shut.  Mulder stayed quiet as he heard the scuffle of people
on the roof of the car.  Mulder backed up against the pile of bodies
and remained still.  He listened as men shouted at Eric demanding to
know where the FBI agent was.  With no where else to hide, Mulder
burrowed into the mound to bodies and listened as the hatch opened and
two soldiers dropped in to search for him.  They prodded at the piles
and flashed their lights around but left quickly.  Mulder sighed with
relief and began to work his way out.

    On the surface, the soldiers reported that Mulder had disappeared
without a trace.  CSM looked angrily at the men and shouted over the
helicopter's roar, "Nothing disappears without a trace!"  Nothing
disappears so what remains must keep its secrets. The Syndicate had
failed by not destroying the files. He was not about to allow them to
make another mistake by 'storing' the evidence.  "Burn it!" he
ordered.  <If Mulder wants to sacrifice himself to the Truth, so be
it. >

    Mulder heard the sound of the objects dropping into the boxcar and
immediately smelled the smoke.  There was nowhere else to go so he
drove deeper into the heap of bodies, hoping the fire would burn out
before it reached him.  He knew there was little chance of that, as he
could already feel the heat.  To die surrounded by dead aliens.  The
perfect irony.

    As he resigned himself to his fate, he noticed something odd. The
bodies around him were all face-down and all pointed in the same
direction.  He recalled the photos of the death camps and realized
that for whatever reason, the bodies were usually stacked in a jumbled
heap, mostly face-up.  It was as if this pile had been arranged,
perhaps by the victims themselves, to point to something.  Mulder
frantically clawed his way through the gruesome pile, following the
macabre directions to a small opening in the corner of the boxcar.

    Mulder could just barely squeeze through the opening. It opened
into a passageway burrowed in the loose rock but more dead aliens
crammed the tunnel.  Apparently they hadn't totally escaped their
fate.  As Mulder struggled past the bodies, the narrow opening shifted
and began to break down until there was nothing left but a line of
bodies buried in the rubble.  Mulder could no longer feel the heat of
the fire or smell the smoke, but he was trapped under the oppressive
weight of the surrounding rock.  He tried to catch his breath to
gather his strength to try again but even expanding chest was
difficult.   He thought he could see light above him but he was
totally unable to move.

    Mulder felt his consciousness fade, as the real world lost its
shape. He imagined Scully and wondered if he had found enough for her
to answer her questions.  Like nearly everyone else her age, she bore
the same small pox scar as the aliens.  That was a starting place at
least. It wasn't all that he had promised but it was all he could
offer.  Just like their partnership, just like their marriage.  He
whispered and prayed and hoped she would understand that the one
promise he had kept was that he always loved her.  He slipped deeper
into unconsciousness as pleasant memories of her love filled his head.
Mulder's last conscious thought was to give thanks that his final
dreams of her were not the awful nightmares of the past weeks but the
loving rapture that defined their life together.

_____________________________

     Scully stared at the silent phone.  Mulder had been suddenly cut
off just as they were beginning to make sense of the files.  She tried
several times then tried to call Albert's home.  The line was
temporarily out of order.

    Earlier that day, she had thought their luck had turned around.
She had spoken with Skinner and he reported that the forensic team
found traces of a hallucinogen in Mulder's water supply along with the
evidence of the shooting in his apartment.  And for the time being at
least, Bill Mulder's death was being handled as a suicide.  The issue
of the stolen files was still being kept quiet so Skinner was
convinced that if she and Mulder came before the board, the OPC would
have no grounds for dismissing them and closing the X-Files. Mulder
was protected by the 'impaired agent' clause designed to retain agents
who had behavioral problems secondary to drug and alcohol problems
beyond their control. Scully could rightfully claim her actions were
dictated by the protection of the public good, her sworn duty as a
federal agent, and her implied responsibility as a doctor.

     But now Scully knew Mulder had gotten in over his head.  Although
she had told him that he was on his own, there was no way she could
just leave him without knowing if he was all right.  She quickly
called Skinner again and informed him that Mulder may be in trouble
and she would be delayed by at least another day.

   "Scully, I can't hold them off indefinitely." Skinner growled "Your
refusal to cooperate will be grounds alone for your dismissal."

   "Sir, I can't just leave him." she insisted.

   "Mulder knows the risks he takes." he replied flatly.

    Scully ignored his argument and continued her line of reasoning.
"Sir, there's something very wrong here and there's no else who can
help him."

    "What if?what if it's too late to help him?"  Skinner was hesitant
to say more. He didn't know for sure that the CSM would go so far to
stop Mulder but every indication was that these files would be
protected at all costs.  In any case Scully would be putting herself
right in the line of fire. "You have to consider your own situation,
what's best for you."

   "He's not dead!" Scully cried out. "And I will not leave here
without knowing what happened to him. Sir, I've already risked
everything to save his life – my career, my marriage, my own safety. I
'm not about to abandon him now."

 Skinner knew better than to argue with her.  "I understand.  I'll see
if I can hold them off for one more day.  If I push for any more, I'll
be the one they hang at the next review."

    "Thank you, Sir." She replied gratefully. "I knew I could trust
you."

      Skinner accepted her words as reward enough for the risks he was
taking.

________________________________

    Scully found Albert's home in shambles.  Mulder's car was still
parked outside but it was obviously ransacked as well.  Albert and his
family had been questioned and beaten by the commandos.  They demanded
to know where Mulder was but the stoic Navajos gave them nothing.
Albert told Scully that the men took their orders from a tall, silver
haired cigarette smoking man.   They finally left when they realized
Mulder had really disappeared.  Eric offered to lead Scully to the
last place he saw Mulder.

    Scully looked on with shock as she saw the smoldering box car.
The black smoke and heat made it difficult to peer inside but it was
obvious nothing could survive within the death trap.  She scanned the
barren horizon and called out his name.  The only answer she heard was
the lonely echo.  Scully began to wander through the quarry,
overturning rocks and calling his name.  She continued until dark but
found nothing.

    Back at Albert's home, Scully sat silently. She flipped through
the transcript of the stolen files, and sighed.  "Even if every word
of this is true, what's to stop them from denying it or covering it up
again?"

   Albert looked thoughtfully at her.  "You." he answered. "And your
partner."

    Scully began to sob softly. She had never felt so terribly alone.
She could no longer feel Mulder's soul within her, as if he had
vanished from the face of the Earth. "Mulder is gone."

   Albert replied with quiet words. "There is an ancient Indian saying
that something lives only as long as the last person who remembers it.
My people have come to trust memory over history. Memory, like fire,
is radiant and immutable while history serves only those who seek to
control it, those who douse the flame of memory in order to put out
the dangerous fire of truth. Beware these men for they are dangerous
themselves and unwise. Their false history is written in the blood of
those who might remember and of those who seek the truth."

   Scully took a deep breath and whispered a thank you.  She would
never forget Mulder and his Truth.  In her heart he would live
forever.  There was little more she could do at the reservation.
Albert's son promised to continue to search for Mulder around the
quarry. So she made arrangements to return to Washington early the
next day. Just before she left to return to her motel, Albert offered
one final bit of wisdom.  "EI AANIGOO E'HOOTE – the truth is out
there.  But the faith to find it is in here.  It is here you will find
him as well." He held his hand over her heart.

    Scully drove along the dark lonely stretch of road towards town
when sudden the night sky was invaded by a large helicopter.  It
forced her to stop then landed in front of the car.  Several commandos
surrounded her and her car.  Scully was ordered out the car and forced
at gunpoint to stand against the car like a criminal suspect.  They
demanded to know where the files were.  She saw no reason to resist –
they would find it anyway – so she told them the transcript was in
trunk.  After taking all her papers, they roughly questioned her about
the tape.  Believing Mulder was dead, she told them he still had the
tape. The soldier was about to strike her but someone within the
chopper motioned the troops to back off.   They quickly scrambled back
into the helo. Scully turned to watch and she saw the red glow of a
burning cigarette in the cockpit just as it lifted off. All at once
she was alone again on the empty road that stretched into the black
night. She gazed down the featureless road and sighed "Looks like my
future."

_______________________________

    The following day in Skinner's office, Scully was not surprised by
the action taken by the review board. As a result of her
insubordination and obstruction of a criminal investigation, and under
suspicion of involvement in a conspiracy against the government, Agent
Scully was suspended from duty without pay pending a full
investigation.  There had still been no mention of the secret files,
but since she no longer had them she could hardly present them as
evidence in her defense.  Her nerves were raw and her eyes were red
from crying most of the night before. Yet she maintained her composure
as she surrendered her badge and weapon to Skinner. She paused for a
moment, reached into the badge holder wallet and took out Mulder's
wedding ring, then dropped the wallet in front of Skinner, staring at
him the whole time.

   Skinner cleared his throat self consciously as he took the items
and reminded her to stay available to answer any questions regarding
Mulder's whereabouts.

    Scully glared at him angrily but managed to stay restrained.
"I've told you everything I know. To the best of my knowledge, Agent
Mulder is dead."  She spoke directly to Skinner as if it were an
accusation. He flinched as if someone had slapped him. He broke off ey
e contact with her and stared her badge. She left his office without
waiting to being dismissed.

   As Scully stormed from his outer office, Skinner caught up to her.
Away from strangers she burst into an outrage. "Who are these people?"
Skinner tried to calm her by saying they were just doing their job.
"What they're doing is putting an official stamp on the perpetuation
of a lie.  They're not making decisions based on findings, just on
outcomes.  If I had come to the board 3 days ago, I would have been
dismissed just as quickly." Her stare turned into a hurt frown.  "I
trusted you, Sir."

    Skinner clenched his teeth tightly trying to hide his own
emotions.  He couldn't tell her that he nearly lost his own job when
he told the board that he was the one who allowed Scully to complete
her investigation into Mulder's disappearance. But he knew that the
OPC was not the enemy, even if they took advantage of the
opportunities presented by the circumstances. Looking squarely into
Scully's eyes, he said, "These people have a protocol to follow, which
is something you and Agent Mulder did not do. How can I help you if
you keep stacking the deck against me?"

   Scully wasn't about to accept the blame. She hadn't started this
'discussion' of ethics but she pulled no punches in ending it. "What
about the people who were poisoning Agent Mulder's water? Whose
protocol was that?"  When Skinner tried to explain a full
investigation was underway, she broke in harshly saying, "The
investigation will be an exercise! The men who killed Agent Mulder,
the people who killed his father, they aren't meant to be found."

    Skinner stared at her earnestly, placed his hand on her shoulder
and promised "We will find them."

   His conviction took the edge off her rage but her faith in Skinner
was still shaken.  "With all due respect, sir, I think you
overestimate your position in the chain of command."

    Skinner couldn't respond except to say, "Even if I have to take
the risk myself, we WILL find them." Scully's expression betrayed her
desire to believe him but she quickly turned and left Skinner standing
there with his arm still out stretched.
________________________________

    Scully returned to the basement office and quickly locked the
door.  She looked under Mulder's desk drawer knowing that at one point
in time, he hid the data tape there. She found nothing but an empty
case. No more clues, no where to start again.

    She sat at Mulder's desk for a moment and sighed as she surveyed
the scattered evidence of his life. A pile of sunflower seed shells,
cryptic notes scribbled hurriedly, a photo of Samantha and another one
of Hope. She still felt nothing inside.  His passion and even his pain
was gone. There was nothing but a void.  It was like being the victim
of a horrible accident and waking up with a limb missing.  Actually,
it was even worse. At least those victims still had a phantom
sensation of the part forcibly removed from their body.  Scully had
nothing but her own feelings and memories.  Was he truly gone or was
he caught in some purgatory between life and death? Between heaven and
hell?  She clutched his ring in her hand and began to cry without
reserve, the tears darkening the blotter on his desk.
___________________________

   The CSM sat in his barren apartment and puffed furiously at the
Morley between his lips.  <Those frightened old men! How dare they
question me! > He had done his job and cleared away the mess they
created with their slip-shod security.  He wondered what idiot even
thought of transcribing the files in a digital format and storing it
on a main frame.

    They wanted their hands clean of the whole affair so he made it a
strictly internal matter for the DOD and the FBI.  But they still were
nervous over the tape.  So he lied to them so they could get about
their business of writing the future history.  He was confident the
tape would appear soon. Either Skinner or Scully would find it and
then he would take it from them.

    He chuckled to himself as he thought of Skinner and Mulder's
partner.  What a great 'plot twist' it would be to implicate them in a
conspiracy to kill Mulder as part of a violent lover's triangle.  Too
bad the scandal would attract the popular press.  If Skinner had the
tape, he could be handled by simply promising to reinstate Scully.

   On the other hand, Scully would be damned before she surrendered
the tape.  CSM smiled as he remembered the surprisingly original way
Krychek handled Bill Mulder.  He could see the headlines now –
"Despondent Widow Takes her Own Life- Married FBI partners refuse to
be separated, even by death."  < How romantic! > he  thought smugly as
he settled down to his typewriter to write stories of noble men in
desperate times.

________________________

    Krychek stood in the shadows of an alleyway across the street from
the bookstore.  He held his breath as he watched Melissa leave the
store. As if she could sense his presence, she paused and looked in
his direction.  He pressed himself against the wall, further into the
darkness.  For a second, it looked as if she was going to cross the
street but she turned and continued to walk away.  "Good bye,
 Melissa." Krychek whispered.  "I'll be with you again, in another
lifetime."

     Krychek tried to hasten the process of starting a new life by
thrusting the barrel of his handgun into his mouth. A single shot
would instantly sever the spinal cord above the point where autonomic
functions could sustain life. Being an assassin taught you useful
things like that.  His hand shook as he squeezed the trigger but no
matter how hard he tried he couldn't do it.  He finally gave up and
threw the gun down in disgust.  He stood there still alive with
nothing to show for his noble efforts but the oily taste of gun grease
in his mouth.

    He slumped down and tried to cry but there were no tears. He knew
he was a coward and a slave to his own sense of self preservation.
Even if she forgave his every sin, purged his demons and restored his
faith with her love, he was still a curse to all he touched.   He
would live in constant fear for her, forcing her to live in the
confines of the world he could control. < Just like Scully tried to
protect Mulder.  Look how that turned out. > he thought to himself.
Krychek resigned himself to return to the underworld where he belonged
then vanished into the night.

___________________________

     Skinner drove towards Scully's home riddled with guilt.  He wasn'
t sure what he would tell her but he had to let her know he was on her
side.  Maybe if he could convince her that he acted conservatively to
protect Mulder as well as her.  Or was that just another lie?

    Skinner recalled the argument he and his wife had just before they
separated.  Sharon accused him of having an affair with Scully or at
least wanting to.  She said if Scully ever came to him needing the
love and care of a strong man, he wouldn't turn her away. This was far
worse. He was going to see Scully to offer himself.

    The nagging sense of guilt over Mulder's demise ate at him.  Did
Mulder's jealousy touch off a deep seated sense of rivalry?  Skinner
wondered if he had acted purposefully to put Scully in a position of
vulnerability.  His reflection was suddenly interrupted as he saw
Scully walking down the street with no coat or purse, holding her
shoes in her hand.  He pulled over next to her but she didn't seem to
notice.

    Skinner jumped from the car and gently touched her shoulder.
"Agent Scully?"

    She looked at him blankly and responded automatically, "Can I help
you, Sir?"

    "Scully, what are you doing out here?  Why are carrying your
shoes?" he asked bewildered.

    She glanced at them and said wearily "They were starting to give
me blisters so I?" Suddenly she burst into tears and threw her arms
around Skinner.

   Skinner was stunned but carefully put his arms around her to
comfort her. "It's all right.  You deserve a good cry. No one's here
to judge you." She felt so small and helpless in his arms, yet he knew
the powerful woman she truly was. That she would trust him enough to
let her guard down affected Skinner greatly.  The feeling was a
mixture of compassion, empathy, admiration, and arousal.

   "He trusted me and I failed him." She confessed "Loving him wasn't
enough. It never has been?"

    "It's not over until you say it's over." Skinner offered firmly.
The confidence in his voice hid the raging panic within that told him
he was going too far.  If he wasn't careful he would find himself
taking advantage of her vulnerable state.

    A police car passed and slowed down to watch the pair
suspiciously.  Skinner stepped away from Scully and "Let's not draw
any more attention. Let me take you back to your apartment?"

    "No!" she cried suddenly. "I can't bear to be alone in my bed.
Not tonight.  That's why I got up and started walking." She turned
away as if she had become embarrassed by her weakness.

    Skinner looked around nervously.  For an instant he thought of
offering to take her back to his place but he quickly dispelled that
idea.  He didn't dare leave her alone in a hotel room nor could he
stay with her in one.  She needed to go someplace where she felt safe
and where someone he trusted would watch over her.  There was only one
choice.  "Let's go." he said firmly as he ushered her into the car. "I
'm taking you to your mother's house."
____________________________

     Maggie Scully heard the doorbell ring in the middle of the night
and wondered who would be calling so late.  She opened the door to
find her baby girl standing here, trying not to cry. Her boss stood
just behind, his hand resting gently on her shoulder.

    "Dana, honey?" Maggie started softly. "I heard the news about Fox.
Are you all right?"

    Scully hugged her mother tightly and took a deep, unsteady breath.
"Oh, Mom!" she moaned as tears reappeared. "I've made a terrible
mistake. Dad would be so ashamed of me."

     Maggie pulled her daughter closer and soothed her with kind
words. "There, there, Dana. Why don't you rest for a while then we can
talk about it. Your father always said 'An error is not a mistake
until you refuse to correct it.'  He wouldn't approve of you jumping
to conclusions about being at fault."

    Scully's tears subsided as she hugged her mother even tighter.
"If only it were that simple, Mom.  Fox is gone because I couldn't see
past my own fears."

    Maggie guided Scully into the house and towards her bedroom
upstairs.  Skinner nodded to Maggie and was about to leave but she
asked him to wait in the living room.  So he stepped inside, closed
the door and took a seat on the couch.  He glanced around the room and
saw a photo of a man in naval uniform on the mantle.  < Family photos.
> Skinner guessed. He walked over for a closer look.  <This must be
her late husband. You did a fine job raising your daughter, Capt.
Scully. > There were also photos of Bill Jr., Melissa, another young
man he assumed was Charlie, and Dana.  There was even an old picture
of Mulder and Scully. It was from when they got married in England.

    Looking at the picture, he wondered what it would have been like
to know Scully when she was so young and innocent.  Who was she before
Mulder rearranged her life?  Did she laugh out loud when she was
amused and cry openly when hurt or had she always held her emotions in
check?  What drove her passion? What would she risk her life for?

     Skinner thought of his wife, Sharon.  She said that her life had
become just a shell of the existence she knew before they were
married, and that she wanted to rediscover that life. Skinner recalled
the young vibrant woman he fell in love with 18 years ago. He felt an
odd sense of excitement as he remembered her passion for life and for
him. But that passion had faded into reserved respect over the years.
What did Scully lose when she married Mulder? Without realizing it, he
began to imagine Scully in the place of his young bride and the
excitement surged through him.  As soon as he became aware of his
feelings, he immediately suppressed them. It was Sharon he missed and
wanted back. Just as it was Mulder that Scully desired.  He slumped
back on the couch and rubbed his brow to refocus his thoughts.  Just
then Maggie returned with two cups of coffee.

    Handing Skinner a coffee cup, Maggie sat beside him and holding
her own cup.  Between sips she said, "Thank you for taking care of
her, Mr. Skinner."

   "I'm not your boss. Please, call me Walter." he said directly.
Maggie smiled and briefly touched his hand in silent understanding.
"How is she?" he asked gazing upstairs to where Scully rested.

    "She blames herself for everything." Maggie sighed.  "For not
making Fox seek help when he started having trouble sleeping. For
denying the fact that he was becoming psychotic, or that it might have
external cause, until it was too late.  For running and hiding instead
of facing those who threatened them. She even blames herself for
asking Fox to find the answers, 'the Truth', for her sake."

    Skinner nodded thoughtfully as he drank his coffee. "That's an
awfully big burden for a small lady, even if she is Special Agent Dana
Scully."  Skinner observed.

    Maggie shifted slightly to turn and face Skinner.  "Walter, you
may not know this but ever since her father died, Dana looks up to you
as a kind of father figure. Although she'll never admit it, having a
strong male authority figure is important to her. As much as we all
love Fox, he could never fill that role.  Maybe because of him, she
needed you to be like her father all the more to balance her desire to
be in control of her own life."  Maggie broke into an apologetic
smile. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply you were old enough to be
her father."

    Skinner shook his head. "No offense taken. As a matter of fact, I
can't imagine you're old enough to be her mother." Skinner found
himself thinking of Maggie Scully in place of her daughter in his
imaginary memories of youth and passion. He barely even noticed the
transition.

    Maggie touched his hand again and said "Thank you. That's very
kind of you but I assure you, I am. And of all my children, Dana has
always been the one I worry about the most.  Not just because she's my
baby but because she's always had a mind of her own and she takes
responsibility so seriously.  Charlie and Melissa have always been so
carefree and Bill Jr. always resented having to be the one who was
responsible for his younger siblings, especially when their father was
away on duty." She paused and sighed heavily, remembering.  "My
husband used to say that Dana was the noblest of our children."

     Skinner was touched by not only the account of Scully's childhood
but by the depth of her mother's devotion to her.  "For what it's
worth, I consider Dana to be one of my best  agents."

     Maggie smiled then looked sadly at the AD and asked, "Is there
anything you can do to help her?"

    Skinner sighed. "I'm trying to find out what really happened to
Mulder, and if possible bring to justice the men responsible.  I've
already testified on her behalf with the OPC but I plan to offer a
specific recommendation regarding her re-instatement. Anything else I
can do – financial support until she's re-instated, letters of
recommendation if she chooses to leave the FBI, helping to settle
Mulder's affairs –whatever she needs."

    "What she needs is for her father to comfort her and forgive her.
Inside she's still a little girl that wants her Daddy to be there for
her, to praise her for a job well done and to give her a shoulder to
cry on when things don't turn out as planned." Skinner nodded in quiet
acceptance of his role. Maggie looked towards her daughter's room then
added, "The strength to carry on, the hope for tomorrow, the faith in
doing the right thing – those are a part of her ever since she was a
little girl.  In the end, she'll find them herself and she will
survive."
_______________________________

     Scully gripped the tear soaked pillow and prayed with all her
heart to find Mulder.  If not in body, at least in spirit.  The
emptiness of his absence was causing her whole world to slowly cave
in.  Intellectually, she knew she would survive without Mulder but she
also knew she would have to re-define her entire life.  She had to
find a purpose and a goal without him.  How very lonely that sounded.

     Deep inside, almost beyond her conscious thought, she still had
hope that Mulder was alive.  Perhaps his soul no longer touched her
because it had taken its own journey to find the Truth. Maybe Mulder's
soul was in the dim twilight world between life and eternity, waiting
for the right time to reclaim the flesh and resurrect the body.  It
was the hope Scully could only entertain in her dreams.
_________________________

     That same night, somewhere in the dark cold desert, buried
beneath the rock and sand, a man lay dying.  The mercy of nature
granted him a stay of execution, as the stone that trapped him
provided shade from the searing afternoon sun and radiated warmth to
ward off the night chill.   But by midday tomorrow, the buzzards would
circle above him, waiting out the last moments of his life.

    He was past conscious thoughts and desires.  Dreams and memories
were his only reality. In those dreams, he heard the lonely cry of a
familiar voice and he reached out to her.  Too tired and too weak to
make contact, he nearly gave up.  Another voice offered peace and
rest.  It was much closer, within his grasp, but the second voice
could not offer what the first voice did – love and passion.  So like
a drowning man, he held out his hand to the distant call.  He reached
out in a noble effort, not just to save himself, but to save her as
well.


(To be continued?)

__________________________________

   Well so far, so bad? We all know everything will be OK in the end
but how many  burdens will be hung in Scully before she started
abandoning them.  And what will Mulder finally learn as he has a guide
tour of the afterlife?  What about Skinner and Krychek? Allies or
enemies of our heroes?  Stay tuned?.

Please send all comments and feedback to shinkai@mlode.com  or check
my website at
http://www.mlode.com/~shinkai/fanfic/xffanfic.htm

STORY NOTES (warning- lots of notes!)

Plot twists and fixes from the original?

- To stay consistent with the 'tape couldn't be copied or used to make
a hard copy',  I had Sooner himself by-passing the restrictions and
print from the original source.  It's conceivable his hacking
abilities made it possible. It also possible his hacking skills
allowed him partial access to the un-encoded text, since I doubt he
read Navajo.

- Why didn't Mulder's entire apartment complex go wacky?  My answer –
the drug had the most profound effect on people who had pre-existing
emotional instabilities, like Mulder.

- Mulder's jealousy provided an explosive platform for his fight with
Skinner, which would help explain why he never apologized even after
her realized he behaved irrationally.

- I noticed that the review panel never mentions the stolen files in
the original episode.  I assumed it was because they didn't know about
them since they were supposed to be secret. It was a stretch to say
Scully could be dismissed for Mulder's misconduct unless they
'discover' misconduct on her part regarding Skinner.


- Why would 'they' shoot at Mulder through his window? The plan wasn't
to kill him so why else? IF they were trying for Scully why give her
reason to protect Mulder or even to suspect something was fishy at the
apartment.  X seemed like the perfect person to pretend to threaten
Mulder while actually leaving him clues.

- West Tisbury is some 500 plus miles from Alexandra. How could the
weapon that shot at Scully match the weapon that killed Bill Mulder
unless they got ahead of Mulder by flying there. Only a charter
flight, helo, UFO would get there in time. On that note, why did
Scully let Mulder drive for hours in a daze?  I do that all the time
when I go to LA but my best friends generally recommend against it. My
answer- Scully's a little confused (being shot in the and all)
although she realizes it's a bad idea later.


- The big TWIST. Krychek didn't kill Bill Mulder. Think about –They
never show the shot being fired, just that Krychek was here.  The
single wound is to his right temple, not the front or the base of the
skull, execution style. The bottle of pills spilled across his body as
he fell to floor (note the pattern was a straight line across his mid
section), no sign of struggle.  His hand (he is right handed) laid
spread out as if it had been holding something.  In "the Blessing Way"
he refers to 'the truth I couldn't live with', the same words as CSM
said to Mulder. Maybe they all had a subconscious self-destruct order
instill in them as part of the training if they tried to say too much.

- Why would Krychek go to Mulder's apartment almost a whole day after
he was suppose to shot his father? Mulder spent most of the next days
at Scully's.  How hard would it be to find him and follow him?  Did
Krychek stop for a long nap? In my case he stopped for something much
more interesting.

- How did Mulder get out of the burning boxcar?  My answer – follow
the bodies.  He had to get out from a hidden opening but how would he
have time to find it before he was torched.  Simple, he had cover –
the bodies of dead aliens burning slowly enough to give him time to
escape.  Besides, I think wading through bodies is pretty creepy
stuff.

- Why did Scully give up so quickly on Mulder?  Looking in a box car
and calling out? Some search.  My Scully 'feels' that he's gone.

- Is Scully so self centered she didn't notice 'Mulder' in the files,
Bill, Fox or Samantha? We know Bill's name is in the file but even I
don't believe Sam's fate was included in the DOD document. That was a
private deal.

Other Bits –

- Werber's caution to Mulder about the dreams rings true – 'You can't
fight the truth.' – as does Scully's observation that she could force
Mulder to see the truth in his own madness.
- References to Mulder's experiments with auto-erotic asphyxiation
will re-appear when Clyde Bruckman mentions it in a future
installment.
- Skinner's gesture of placing his hand on Scully's shoulder is his
way of saying he cares, much like Mulder's hand on the small of her
back.
   - Just a thought for future stories –Krychek as X's replacement.
Better than Uni-blonde.
   -Scully holds up Mulder several times in this story as a precursor
to having to handle him on a cross country trip for 2 days. I left out
graphic details of Foley catheters and diapers.
    -Agent Pendrell makes an earlier appearance. After all wouldn't
evidence collected by Scully herself be under suspicion?
    - Truth is in Scully –a precursor to the truth about her implant
(next story) and her cancer.
   -The explanation of Mulder's dream was a total accident. The idea
came to me as I wrote about Scully's discovering she was part of the
Truth.
   -An oily taste in Krychek's mouth? A promise of things to come.
   -Skinner's interest in Maggie Scully is a popular fan fic subject.
   -Scully's analogy of her soul caving in and Mulder being trapped in
a collapsed tunnel
- Mulder's out stretched hand – This is the position they find him.

There's more but this will keep you busy for a while.