From: "Lelila '" Date: Tue, 13 Mar 2001 20:03:52 -0600 Subject: xfc: I Miss You Even When You're Here Source: xfc I Miss You Even When You're Here by Lelila Archive: Wherever, just let me know, okay? Thanks. Category: MSR, angst Rating: G, PG, something like that. The kiddies won't be scarred. Disclaimer: They're not mine, I'm broke, don't sue. Time: Post Season 8 Spoilers: The Season 8 Mytharc Feedback: Love it! Please send some! Lelila@hotmail.com Dedication: Arana Mayfly - my bud in all things fannish and fic-ish, and to my own Mulder; I hope we can be together again soon. Summary: Mulder and Scully are forced to be apart. How does Scully feel when they're together? The sun was in Scully's eyes. Blinking the sleep from them, she rolled towards Mulder's slumbering form. But even as she nuzzled next to him, a depression settled over her the way the air thickens up before an impending summer storm. Today, they would be separating again. It had been like this for nearly a year now, ever since her pregnancy had become noticeable. The threats and shadowy figures had begun just as she and Mulder started to put their lives back together after his long abduction. It was soon obvious they - the consortium, the aliens, the government - were after Mulder, Scully, and their baby. So, the painful decision was made to separate. They had risked being together for the birth of their baby girl, Elizabeth Melissa - for Scully's grandmother and sister - but Scully had spent their week together afterward in a profound melancholy. At the time, she had chalked it up to post-partum depression, but it always returned when they saw each other again. Her life in general was not a happy one, but she only truly despaired at moments like this one. Having lived through it too many times by now, she realized it was not the baby blues, but the thought of having to leave them behind again. They spent their time on the run. One of them would act as the baby's protector, hiding in the shadows surveilling the safe house she was in, (usually those utilized by abused women and children hiding from their abusers) making sure she was safe, but always from a distance. They couldn't give the impression that they were connected to the child. The other would spend the time trying to uncover the conspiracy and break it up so that the world would be safe for everyone - including the family they so desperately wanted to form. One of the Gunmen - it was a different one every time - would be their go-between. He was the only one who knew where all three of them were at any one time; Mulder and Scully kept that information even from each other. When something would go sour, or the need to compare notes came up, the appropriate hacker would be contacted, and he would arrange a meeting and then hand over his duties to one of the others of his trio. The new Gunman, Mulder, Scully, and Elizabeth would then all meet in some little out of the way place to compare notes and spend a day or two together. Then they would switch roles. The baby and her protector would get information on their new safe house from their contact - Frohike this time, who was surprisingly good with little Betsy - and they would both rent different cars and go their separate ways again. The periods in-between meetings varied - it had been as brief as ten days and as long as six weeks. But the visits were always the same emotional roller-coaster for Scully: she'd start out ecstatic and relieved to see Mulder and the baby again, thoroughly enjoy the verbal and intellectual sparring with Mulder and playing with her daughter, allow herself a few moments of bliss as she and Mulder held each other, sometimes making love, sometimes just enjoying each others' touch, and then, when she realized that they would have to part again, the lump would form in her throat and a pit would form in her stomach and she'd have to fight to keep her composure. She'd feel more or less like that until their next meeting. When they were apart, she missed them both terribly; the tears were always near the surface. And she missed them now, even though Betsy slept soundlessly in her portable bassinette at the foot of their bed and Mulder had his arm slung over her in his fitful slumber. She missed them because they would be gone so soon. Scully wrapped her leg around Mulder's hips and pulled him as tightly to her as she could. He stirred, but didn't wake. She gripped him, fighting her tears, hoping to memorize the feel of him in her arms so that maybe - maybe - this time it would be enough to sustain her until she saw him again. She knew it wouldn't. Mulder roused a bit and dropped a few kisses on her shoulder. He held her closely now too; squeezing her firmly. For a moment, the embrace filled the ache in her heart. But only for a moment. Mulder pulled away, blinking sleep from his eyes. "'Mornin'," he mumbled. "Good morning," she whispered back, forcing the words past the noose of her emotions. "Sleep any better than I did?" he asked. She shrugged. "Probably not." He reached up to brush the hair from her face - a familiar gesture - and his expression became very serious. His eyes searched hers, his own filled with the same longing she felt. Involuntarily, a tear slipped down over her nose. He pulled her to him again, crushing their bodies together. "I know," he murmured as he caressed her back, his voice heavy with emotion. "I know. I miss you too."