From: Lisa Bloomfield Date: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 19:29:00 -0700 (PDT) Subject: I Need A Nap by Foxgallagher Source: direct Title: I Need a Nap Author: Foxgallagher E-Mail: LKBloomfield@yahoo.com Distribution: It's fine if you let me know where it's going Rating: PG Category: S, H Keywords: None Spoilers: Requiem, seasons 8 & 9 Summary: Mulder and Scully go shopping and encounter the many joys of idiotic people. Disclaimer: Anyone who decides they want to try and sue me for writing a stupid story can go ahead and try. Everyone who reads this anyway knows who the characters belong to (if you don't, why are you here?). Besides, after reading the story, the insanity plea would be easy to use in my defense. =) Author's Notes: Assume Mulder wasn't abducted and Mulder and Scully spend a lot of time together to prepare for the baby's arrival. As for the "Jesus handle," it's the handles in the car (usually on the roof above the door). Used for times when you latch on and shout "Oh Jesus!" Heh. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx Scully had begun to show and Mulder was feeling like a proud father. Everywhere they went, someone would inevitably place their hand on Scully's round stomach and ask when she was due and if they new what it was going to be. Mulder loved it, but Scully soon grew tired of answering the same questions. Now, here in the grocery store, she was again subjected to a strange, 25 year old woman touching her stomach. "And do you know what it is?" she asked, never looking at Scully's face. "It's a baby," Scully said, turning to Mulder. "Excuse us." With that, Scully turned and pushed her cart down the aisle, Mulder walking quickly to catch up with her. Before Mulder could ask, Scully started her explanation. "I'm so sick of people asking that! I know they are just curious, but seriously, what business is it of theirs?" Mulder just shook his head. He knew Scully had gotten in one of her pregnancy-induced pissy moods, and he didn't want to feel her wrath. Mulder still following behind Scully, they turned to go down the cereal aisle. At least five people were there, most with carts. Two of the women must have known each other because they were stopped side-by- side talking. One woman had their cart crosswise as she was yelling at her kids. Her husband just stood there, watching his kids wreak havoc on the Froot Loops display. Mulder could tell Scully was about to explode at the inconvenience before her, and braced himself for the onslaught of insults he would inevitably hear. Scully whipped her cart around, almost knocking out the Cookie Crisp stack on her left. "Well, since we can't get down THIS aisle, perhaps we should go in the next one. It's SOOOOOOO convenient when people block the aisles!" Scully complained, loud enough to make a few of the people look at her. Mulder hoped Scully didn't need much, because this simple trip to the grocery store could turn out to be rather embarrassing. Scully skipped down a few aisles to get to the pasta. She had been craving spaghetti, but didn't have any noodles at home. She picked up the store brand, remembering her promise to cut corners. Diapers were expensive. Not feeling like making homemade sauce, she decided to pick up some of the ready made stuff. Looking at the selection, which wasn't much, she became irritated at the prices. "Five dollars? For a measly jar of spaghetti sauce? I could buy the stuff to make eight jars for that price! What planet are these people from?" Scully ranted, while throwing the jar into the cart. Mulder thought she was going to break the jar, but amazingly, there was no shatter. He thought about going somewhere else while Scully had her fits, but thought better of it. She wouldn't like him leaving her to battle supermarket pain-in-the-butts by herself. Scully guided the cart closer and closer to the front of the store. Mulder hoped she was heading to the checkout. Ahead of them, someone had left a cart in the aisle. It was turned slightly, making it so that a cart wouldn't fit to go by it. Mulder watched for the person, waiting for them to come out and get their cart before Scully got there. He had no such luck. "What is it with these people today? Look at that cart in the middle of the aisle! How do they expect anyone to get by? People make me furious!" Scully rammed into the cart with her own, making a tremendous amount of noise. "Hmph!" They continued up the aisle toward the check out. Because of Scully's mood, she hadn't picked out much that she needed. She had about eight items, so she opted for the express lane. As luck would have it, there was someone ahead of them with about fifteen items. Scully glared at him. Mulder pretended he wasn't with her, casually glancing at the magazine headlines. "Trim the fat in 10 Days!," "Designer rooms for $1000," "Tips and Tricks for Potty Training Your Child." All of the magazines were aimed at women. He glanced over at the tabloids. "Martha Stewart: Jail Exclusive!" He smirked and almost picked it up, but thought better of it. "Do you SEE THIS GUY AHEAD OF ME?!" Scully hissed. "He's got at least fifteen items! Can't he read? 10 ITEMS OR LESS!" Mulder caught the guy's glance in their direction. His face registered shock. Mulder's shrugged in his direction, and Scully gave him an irritated look. The cashier was quick about ringing up the offender, but she never said anything to him. Scully pushed the cart forward and unloaded the items. "Hello, how are you today?" the clerk asked, smiling. "Did you find everything okay?" "I did," Scully replied, "but some of your customers are very DIM-WITTED!" she yelled, making sure the guy walking out heard her. The cashier nodded, understanding. "Yes. It seems they can't read the '10 items or less' sign." "Finally! Someone that can understand where I'm coming from!" Scully glared a Mulder, and the cashier gave them both a quizzical look. The clerk rang the items up without incident, and Mulder and Scully were on their way out. They had gotten a close parking space, so they were soon unloading their bags. Mulder pushed the cart to the closest cart corral and got into the passenger's seat. Scully began backing up and almost hit someone. She slammed on the brakes, catching Mulder off guard. "That's okay, JUST WALK BEHIND THE CAR! I DON'T MIND HITTING YOU!" Scully shouted at the rear window. It took Mulder a moment to figure out what was going on. He resigned himself to silence. Scully whipped out of the parking space, glaring at the person. She'd been doing an awful lot of glaring today. The baby was going to be born with that look on it's face. Scully was able to get out of the parking lot without any more trouble. Once on the road, however, Mulder was immediately looking for the Jesus handle. Scully was flying and almost got in an accident when someone cut her off. "You IDIOT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE ROAD? YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE!! WHERE IS YOUR TURN SIGNAL?" Scully swerved into the other lane, not using her own turn signal, and almost caused an accident herself. Mulder decided not to point this out, as it would only make matters worse. Scully cussed out all of the other drivers on the way back to her apartment. She found a parking space and pulled in. Stepping out of the car, she looked at Mulder. "I'm so tired, I think I need a nap. Shopping takes so much out of me. Would you mind bringing in the groceries for me?" Mulder shook his head no. No way would he deny this angry pregnant lady her much-needed sleep. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx Did you like it? It's kind of odd, but it's based on all of my father's ranting and ravings when we go shopping. Needless to say, it's not so much fun. Feedback is appreciated! LKBloomfield@yahoo.com