From: "deanna l dilbeck" Date: Mon, 22 Jan 2001 19:03:24 -0500 Subject: I Need You Part 1 of 1 Spoiler Alert!! Baalaa Rated PG Source: xff Reply To: dilbeck613@aol.com Author: Deanna Dilbeck e-Mail: dilbeck613@aol.com Archive: Anywhere's fine, just let me know. Spoilers: Baalaa Classification: V Summary: Scully's feelings on having to shoot The Indian mystic (whom she thought was a boy). Rating: PG Feedback: Yes, please!! Notes: I am so glad to finally hear Scully say his name! This is the first post-episode that I've even felt deserved a noteworthy posting. Alas, I ache for Mulder!! Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully and company do not belong in any way to me, but I do so love to finish where CC left off! I Need You By Deanna Dilbeck January 22, 2001 I've tried so hard to get the picture of what my mind's eye saw, out of my brain. But it's there, indelibly printed, to replay over and over. Gun firing; bullet penetrating; the heart of a twelve year old boy ceasing to beat. His face contorted in pain, twisted in terror. My hand fell down to my side, limply holding the still warm weapon. I watched as he slipped to the floor, blood pooling around him, eyes rolling back and growing glassy. Panic set in as I watched, watched and waited to see the thing' emerge, as death laid claim. Doubts crept in my mind, clouding my judgement, making me question the choice I had made. I clamped my eyes shut and willed the image to change before me. The principal's muted scream of horror, quickly brought me out of my stupor. Opening my eyes, I looked down to where the boy had lain and saw a small filthy man, not a boy! My heart leapt into my throat, even though this what I wanted to see, what I needed to see. My eyes had deceived me, again. God, Mulder I need you. I've tried so hard to follow your path, to think like you. But I can't do it anymore. This case had no logic, no reason or rhyme, and no conclusion; except death. You would have seen the truth, the reason behind it all. You wouldn't have hesitated to shoot; my impossibility would have been your reality. You once said to me that you needed me, that my science kept you honest. Well, your irrationality makes me dream; imagine the unimaginable. You said that you couldn't do this without me, that you didn't even want to try. Now, now it's me who needs you. To keep me sane, to offer up implausible ideas, to make dreams, or nightmares, reality for me. As I walk through the maze of police cars and rushing people, I know one thing for certain. I can't do this alone anymore; I don't even want to try. The end This year's XF episodes have brought me nothing but disappointment. Last night was no exception. I wanted to cry with Scully, I can't do this anymore either. Bring back Mulder!