From: CSMsWife@aol.com Date: Tue, 7 Dec 1999 21:27:07 EST Subject: xfc: xfc new Fanfic: I Wasn't There Source: xfc From: CSMsWife@aol.com Title: I Wasn't There Classification: V,A,Mulder POV Spoilers: Duane Barry, Ascension Feedback: I love to get it, but no one sends any. You can e-mail me at CSMsWife@aol.com! Archive: Yeah, let me know where. ~~~~~~ Skyland Mountain 12:46 am As I stand on top of the hill, staring out into space, I think about her. I should have been there for her, I wasn't though. Margaret Scully has lost a daughter because of me, Fox Mulder. I can't believe I left her alone after all that has happened! Duane Barry should have taken me. Scully has so much more in her life than I ever had or ever hoped to have. This is all my fault, me and my dumb ass quest to find Sam. What has this brought me? Nothing but a bad reputation and a missing partner. Don't get me wrong, I want very much to find my sister but Scully was the only one who understood the inner workings of my mind. The only one who ever will. Now, I have lost another person who's important to me. Did I do something wrong? Why does everyone I care about disappear? Is there something wrong with me? Damn that Alex Krycek and the Smoking Man! Those two fucking assholes have totally ruined the beautiful life of Dana Katherine Scully. Will I ever see her again? I conclude that even if she's returned to me, that she won't have to bother with me anymore because I won't be around. Mulder's Apartment 6:35 am I lie awake on my couch. I didn't sleep at all last night. As soon as I got home, I just laid down and stared at the ceiling. I didn't even turn on the television like I normally do. Someone knocks at the door but I don't get up. After five knocks, I hear Mrs. Scully's voice. "Fox, it's Maggie Scully, could you let me in, please?" I sigh and get up, I can't refuse her anything. Mrs. Scully gasped when I opened the door. "Fox, are you alright?" I nod slightly and let her in. "You look like you haven't slept in weeks and you're wearing the same suit as the day we met in DC." She followed me into the kitchen where I told her to have a seat. "Want some tea? Coffee?" "No, dear, I'm fine. I was just wondering how you were doing. I know how much Dana means to you. She means so very much to me as well." I take a deep breath and excuse myself for a minute. As I turn the corner, I look at myself in the mirror. I can see why Mrs. Scully gasped. My face is as white as a sheet, my hair is a mess, and I have dark circles under my eyes. "Look at you," I muttered. "What have you become?" I turn when I hear Mrs. Scully clear her throat. "Fox, you have to realize that this was not your fault. You couldn't have predict--" I held up my hand for her to stop. "Mrs. Scully, I-I need some time alone, but don't take it personally. I really want to believe what you're telling me, I just have to think about some things." "Alright, Fox, I'll leave, but I'll be back in a few hours, ok." It wasn't a question. "I'll see you then," I whisper as she leaves my apartment. When Mrs. Scully shuts the door, I went straight to my desk where I had put my gun. "I'm sorry Mrs. Scully, I can't do this anymore. Not to you and certainly not to Scully. When she is returned, she'll have a wonderful life ahead of her at the Bureau." Picking up my gun, I don't hear the door open or that someone had walked into the room behind me. "MULDER, NO! DON'T PLEASE!" I turned around to see Scully. "Scully? Wh-what happened... how did..." I was so confused. "Mulder, you can't kill yourself, you just can't! You have to try to find me, I need your help. I need your strength. Please, Mulder, don't. I'm going to need you to help me find who did this to me." As soon as she had come, she had gone. I put the weapon back onto the desk and sank to the floor, as a tear falls down my cheek. I make no attempt to wipe it away. "Don't worry, Scully, I will find you and we'll destroy who, or whatever took you away from us." THE END