From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: Wed, 2 Aug 2000 21:35:04 -0500
Subject: I won\'t let you go alone by Mary S.
Source: direct

Reply To: danascully37@hotmail.com


Title: I won't let you go alone
Author: Mary S.
Classification: Vignette. MS romance? RST? You tell 
me.
Spoilers: Requiem and all things.
Summary: A little Scully introspective about Mulder 
and the events of Requiem and all things. Oh, and her 
condition.




Looking back, even now, Scully still couldn't believe 
what Mulder had told her.  He was going back to 
Oregon.  Without her.  She understood his reasons: 
abductees were being taken again.  She herself could 
be taken again, and he didn't want to risk losing 
her.  Again.  So she had hugged him right there in 
the FBI's hallway with Skinner, the lone gunmen, 
Krychek, and Marita all on the other side of the 
door. "I won't let you go alone" was what she had 
told him.  So she'd asked Skinner to go with him to 
Oregon.
     She'd followed him home before his flight.  He 
was surprised to see her at his door.  "Scully?  What 
are you doing here?" he'd said. 
     "I have a bad feeling about this, Mulder.  I 
can't explain it. You should let me go with you." 
"I have to go, Scully.  There's finally proof out 
there in those woods. If I can get to it in time." 
He'd told her.  She'd started to protest, but he'd 
put his fingertips lightly on her lips. 
     "No, Dana", he'd said gently. "I won't put you 
at risk any more for this thing I've been looking 
for. Not even," he shook his head, "not even if you 
want to this time." And his hand had left her lips 
and caressed her cheek, wiping the tears away she 
barely had known were there.
     "I have something I want you to take with you," 
she'd said.  She'd taken his hand and put something 
in it.  It had seemed fitting to her somehow.
     When Mulder had opened his hand and saw what it 
was, he'd inhaled sharply.  "It always comes back to 
this, doesn't it?" he'd asked softly, and she had 
only been able to nod.  "You know, Scully, when you 
were taken and I found this at your apartment I was 
surprised. I even told your mother that.  You, the 
skeptic, believed in something so intangible.  I 
tried to give it back to her, but she told me to keep 
it for you. So that when I found you, I could give it 
back to you.  I even wore it everywhere I went.  It 
was the only thing of you that I had.  Then in 
Antarctica, I found it again.  You even gave it to 
Emily.  And now, you've lent it to me.  I haven't 
found it after you were taken from me, you've 
actually chosen to give it to me and you can't know 
what it means to me. Thank you. Help me fasten it?" 
He'd asked, holding it up.
     She'd laughed a little shakily. "I can't reach."
     So he had knelt down in front of her as she 
fastened the chain of her cross necklace around his 
neck. When she had stepped back to look down at him, 
he was looking up at her, smiling.  "I'll bring it 
back to you," he promised.  And he had put his arms 
around her waist and pressed his face against her 
chest and she had held him for what seemed like 
forever.  And then she had left, after planting a 
kiss for luck on his forehead.


     Now Scully lay in her hospital bed after Skinner 
had left.  She had been surprised to see the stern 
assistant director almost break down as he tried to 
tell her about Mulder.
     "I lost him," he'd said sadly, with tears in his 
eyes.  But he'd also assured her that he would tell 
the FBI exactly what he saw.  No denials.
     Then as he turned to leave she dropped the bomb.  
"I'm pregnant," she had choked out.  And Skinner had 
just smiled gently at her, told her he'd keep it to 
himself, and quietly closed the door as he left.  As 
if he knew she needed to be alone with her news for 
now.
     She closed her eyes and whispered to 
herself,"I'm pregnant, Mulder." Her hand splayed 
itself across her stomach.  It was still unreal to 
her.  The doctors were surprised, to say the least.  
Not to mention what her mother was going to say.  Or 
Bill. A small smile played on her lips as she 
contemplated that future conversation. But it didn't 
last long as she thought about how the person she 
most wanted to tell was gone.  And for how long?  If 
he came back, what would he say when he saw this 
child?  His child.  "Yes", she said quietly, "it's 
your child, Mulder.  I know it." And her hand rubbed 
her abdomen gently.  It was strange, she thought.  
After all they had been through together, all the 
frustration and heartache, they had come together 
after two days of introspection on both their parts.  
He had gone to England on a fruitless crop circle 
hunt and she had stumbled on to the man she almost 
gave up the FBI for.  But if she hadn't seen Daniel 
again, she never would have finally let go of the 
past.  Of thoughts of what might have been.  She 
wouldn't have learned to just enjoy the moments while 
they lasted. And even though she had left him 
sleeping, and they never spoke of it again, Mulder 
had left his mark on her forever.  So until he was 
returned, Scully knew that through her, Mulder would 
never truly be gone. A part of him would always be 
with her.  And she drifted off to sleep, oddly 
comforted by her thoughts.
 
Finis.


Author's note: This came out of my frustration at 
having to wait out the eternity until the new season 
starts.  Sorry if I angered those of you who like 
smut, but I didn't think it fit here.  As always, 
feedback is appreciated at danascully37@hotmail.com. Only 
about 3 1/2 months to go guys. Please excuse my 
gritting teeth;)