Date: Sat, 01 Apr 2000 17:28:48 GMT Subject: NEW: If Only She Knew by Spooky Jr TITLE: If She Only Knew AUTHOR: Spooky Jr. EMAIL: CuteAndCudly@Yahoo.com DISTRIBUTION: Gossamer-YES! Spookys-YES! Anywhere else SURE! Just keep my name and addy attached. SPOILERS: Milagro. This is a post episode Milagro so if you haven't seen it you will be lost. RATING: PG CLASSIFICATION: S/R/A SUMMARY: This is a Post - Milagro. It takes place right after the Mulder and Scully hug scene at the end. Mulder's POV. DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, dammit. *sniff* The wonderful Chris Carter owns 'em. Lucky him! Please don't sue me guys, I am just having a little fun with them. All regards to Ten Thirteen Productions, FOX and 20th Century Fox. Thank you for having one of the greatest television shows ever! FEEDBACK: PLEASE! Don't make me get down on me knee's and beg here. SPECIAL THANKS: To my pal Melissa who is also my editor! Without her my stories would be a total waste. Thanks girl! And now on with the show... If She Only Knew By Spooky Jr. I look down at her now. Still clinging to me for dear life. Clawing at my shoulders. Her body is soaked in blood. Her blood. I pull back ever so slowly releasing our position, but my hands still rest on her shaking shoulders. I move my left hand to her chest. I feel her heart. I run my fingers down her chest, probing it gently with my fingertips. Relishing in it's wholeness. She mirrors my movements, raising her left hand where it comes to rest on my chest. I move my hand away from her chest and put it over her hand resting soothingly against mine. I look down at her now. She must feel my gaze on her for she looks up and for the first time that evening our eyes meet. I look straight into the depths of her icy blue eyes and I see fear. Fear that was caused and put there by a mad man that was supposed to be dead now for over two years. 'I should have never left her alone'. Those words echo through my mind and I know there true. If I would have stayed this never would have happened. Padgett would still be dead though. Dead by his own hands. His still-beating heart ripped from his chest. He said 'I'd written that Agent Scully falls in love but that's obviously impossible. Agent Scully is already in love.' I would have to question the validity of those claims. I hear another sob escape her now, as she pulls me closer to her. Drawing comfort. I do not hesitate as I wrap my arms around her once again, whispering soft words of comfort into her ear. were so close I can her hot breath on the back of my neck causing tingles to course through my body, as I try to suppress an involuntary shiver. After several minutes I can tell she is trying to once again regain her composure. Falling apart is not something Scully does. I know it's hard for her to show her emotions now in front of me, but I am grateful it is me she turns to for comfort. Knowing that she trust me not only with her life, but with her heart, soul and emotions. A few moments in the same position and I once again slowly but gently pull away. I try to look into her eyes, but instead of meeting my eyes fixes her gaze to the floor. I reached my hand out, lifting her chin up until our eyes meet. I stand and reach down, pulling her to her feet. I lead her over the couch and take a seat beside her. "Hey," I say it so softly, I wonder at first if she heard me. She turns her head to face me and I see her eyes glistening with ushed tears. One escapes and rolls down her cheek. I move my hand to her cheek and brush away the fallen tear. Even after the tear is wiped away my hand lingers ever so slightly before I remove it, placing it back in my lap. "There's a lot of blood Scully. Are you sure your ok?" I look down, noticing now just how close she had come. Again. Her shirt is soaked in blood and my gut wrenches at the sight. "Yeah. Just a little shook up. That's all." I nod absently and wonder if that's really the truth. If it was up to me she would be in a hospital right now. I'm so worried about her. As if reading my thoughts she gently lays her hand over mine. I follow her actions and intertwine her fingers. I remember now the words Padgett had said, which still run through my mind over and over. 'Agent Scully is already in love.' I wonder now, if this was a good time to bring it up. Before my mind thinks about it I blurt out the question. "Scully what did Padgett mean when he said you were in love?" I ask. Hoping for the best and expecting the worse. "I do love someone Mulder, I have for years." That was not exactly the answer I was hoping for or expecting. Though I think I honestly don't want to know, I prod further. "Who?" There now was that so hard? She looks over at me now; her eyes are filled compassion, warmth and love? "You." Holy shit! "Huh?" Oh yeah good going, Pendrell. "You Mulder." WHOA! I never saw that one coming. I am stunned now, frozen in place. A million thoughts running through my mind, a million questions aching to be asked. I open my mouth to speak but only one word escapes. "Me?" Boy, we are really putting that vocabulary to good use today. She's shaking her head now. I can't believe this. I have always loved her but never told or showed her for fear I might ruin the great friendship and trust we have built. "Yes Mulder. You. I have loved you and have been in love with you since the day I met you. I have never had eyes for anyone else. I was afraid to tell you for fear that you might turn away. Or might not love me like I loved you. I was afraid of the hurt that might come of it." I'm shaking my head now. Not love her? God I love her more than she will ever know. "I love you Scully. I have always loved you. Since the moment you stepped foot in my office 6 wonderful years ago. I was afraid that if I ever told you I would ruin the trust and great friendship we have." She's speechless now. God knows, so am I. All I can think is 'What did I do to deserve her?' Words can't express how much I love her. So instead of speaking I do the only logical thing. It feels so right now. I reach over and cup her face with my hands. She mirrors my actions as she brings her hands around my neck. I draw her face closer and plant a light gentle kiss on her lips. The kiss deepens and I hold this position for as long as I can. We kiss now, for the first time. The kiss is telling so much. So many things that cannot be said with words. Words only go so far. But love goes all the way to the soul. I pull back now, I could have stayed in that position if there wasn't such a need for air. Something I was starting to lack a great deal of. I look her straight into the eyes now and see there something that wasn't there before. Besides the compassion and kindness and warmth. There is love. Pure and whole. As she looks straight back into my eyes, I know she sees the same thing. The End.