From: "Hayley Millar" Date: Thu, 12 Aug 1999 23:22:09 +0100 Subject: fanfic submission Source: direct *Spoiler Alert!* Triangle and FTF Disclaimer: I didn't write this, but I know for a fact that Hails is *not* CC or anyone to do with 1013 - if she was, M and S would've resolved that UST a loooong time ago... Rating: PG-13 for the language (us compulsive swearers stick together) Classification:MSR... V. I think. Summary:Mulder thinks about what happened in the Bermuda Triangle, at the end of the episode 'Triangle' (obv.) Author's note: My m8 Hails, the greatest phile in the whole world, wrote this fanfic. She doesn't have internet access yet, which I why I'm posting it for her - any feedback would be forever cherished. Send it to me (Red) at ds4fm@hotmail.com and I promise to pass on your comments. Noromos and Naxis - get out or regret it forever. Don't bother to flame her - you shouldn't *be* here! If Tomorrow Never Comes, by Hails. I have to be dreaming this, don't I? You don't just go back in time and meet just about everyone you know on a ship caught in a war. You *don't*. Scully would disown me, she really would. "Time is a universal invariant", she'd say, with that Look she saves only for me when I say something that completely casts aside all common sense and logic. She's giving me that Look now. I have to be dreaming. But in my heart I know this is horribly real. How am I going to convince her that what I'm saying is true? She wouldn't believe me if we were back at the office in the 90s, so there's no way under the shining sun she'll believe me here. We don't even know each other yet, for God's sake. The Look is becoming more and more pronounced with every word that leaves my mouth...GOD! What am I saying? She must think I'm insane. Hi, I'm from the future and you're still there. Now, turn this ship back or Germany will win the war...if she had her handgun here she'd be reaching for it right about now. I can't believe how selfish I'm being. The Nazis could win, and I'm in emotional turmoil because I might never see my Scully again Hell, why didn't I tell her? Why didn't I tell her years ago? I was going to, that day outside my apartment; I was so determined to confess everything to her. Then that *fucking* inconsiderate insect with the worst timing in the world ruined everything.Oh, yes, blame it on the bee! In truth, I could've told her any time. I just had to keep putting it off. Tomorrow, I'd tell her. The next day, maybe... You never stop to think about what will happen if tomorrow never comes. This is worse, though - I'm terrified that the last - and best - five years of my life aren't going to happen after all. I can't do this. I need to just walk away and have faith that I'll see her again; that she'll believe me and persuade them to turn the ship back. But I'm looking into her eyes, and I see no glimmer of recognition; no compassion; no trust. I'm never going to see her again. Damn it, why *should* she believe me? I'm a stranger. My heart is literally aching, throbbing painfully - I'm a stranger to her. I'm a stranger to Scully, the woman I love. I have to walk away. If she looks at me like that for much longer I'm liable to start crying, and then she'd *really* want to throw me overboard. But I can't tear my gaze away from those eyes. I'll never be able to lose myself in them again. This is the most painful thing that's ever happened to me. The time I had my little finger broken by thugs pales into insignificance next to this. Only one thing can ease the agony in my heart just slightly. I reach out to her. In case we never meet again, I say, pulling her against me. I give her no time to protest - this is probably illegal in the 1930s, but I need to know. I kiss her. I've waited all my life for this woman; for this moment. I've spent five years longing for this intoxicating feeling of our lips pressed gently together. But this isn't the way I wanted it. I want *my* Scully... Christ, I'm kissing someone I've only just met! No, these are exceptional circumstances. This is my one consolation for - -Oh boy. She's pulling away from me and I'm seeing another Look. I've never seen this one before, at least, never directed at me. I think she's going to hit me. Her eyes are flashing with anger, and she looks...beautiful. She always looks beautiful, in my eyes. She's just made it a little more difficult for me to see her, what with that powerful right hook - if this was a cartoon there'd be birds and stars circling my head. My eye hurts, but in comparison with the anguish in my heart it's barely noticeable. OK, we've established that she hates me...maybe now would be a good time to leave. Back to the future - God, wouldn't this be hilarious if it wasn't so bloody tragic? I feel like I've stepped out of a Shakspearean tragedy. There's only one way to do this. Fast. I gaze at her once more, before turning and jumping into the water, all the while willing her to believe me. As the icy water meets my skin, I close my eyes, focusing on Scully's image in my mind. She'll be my last thought as my body surrenders itself to the relentless, swirling blackness of the ocean, and maybe that way I'll remember her if I wake up to find myself in a German-speaking nation with no one by the name of Dana Katherine Scully. * * * * * I can hear her voice. She's calling to me; saying my name softly and tenderly. I don't want to wake up, because I can still remember her and what she meant to me. I'm scared that I'll wake up and not remember my dream, and I can't imagine living without ever knowing she existed. But sleep is leaving me, I open my eyes unwillingly. I can still hear her voice. Slowly my vision returns, and I see her. She's standing by my hospital bed, her face only inches from mine. She believed me. This is no ghost ship. It's not even the 1930s. I'm back where I belong, and... I owe it all to this woman talking to me now. There's a conversation going on, and while I hear myself taking part in it, I'm not paying attention; they all think I'm mad, but I care for nothing but the fact that she believed me. Scully believed me, based on a completely unbelievable explanation. She somehow sensed that we were linked together, even though she couldn't possibly have understood how. I should have known. She's often followed my instructions even when she disagreed with what I was saying, simply because she knows me well enough to be certain that I'd rather die than put her in any danger. I call her name as she follows the others from my room, and my heart leaps and soars when she turns to me again. This is more than relief that she saved us all; more, even, than the overwhelming relief I draw from finding her still here by my side. It's relief that I was given a second chance to tell her. I gaze deep into those eyes I thought I'd never see again,and I am determined, this time. I came so close to never being able to tell her I love her, and that's not going to happen again. I tell her. She sighs. It's an amused sigh, though - I mean, only I could choose to tell her I love her when, a few seconds ago, I informed her that she'd saved the world when I saw her back in 1939 a few hours earlier. I'm clearly delusional. I gaze wistfully after her as she walks out of the room. It's true what they say - there's never a right moment. On the other hand, I'm gradually discovering a number of definite wrong moments - including when there's a bee carrying an alien virus in her collar, and when she thinks you're receiving a substantially high dosage of medication. I lie back down, instinctively rubbing my left eye when it hurts me. It feels bruised... Suddenly I smile; I can't help it. She doesn't have to know that I grabbed her and kissed her against her will when we didn't know each other. That secret can stay locked up with me until I experience the real thing. I will tell her I love her, someday when she's likely to take me seriously. Soon. I'll tell her soon. Tomorrow... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Copyrighted Hails 1999, so there. Do NOT archive! Ask first. Can't think why you *would* though... ROTFL. Feedback - I know it'd make Hails' day if you told her, like I did, how much you adore this fic. Mail me and I swear on my X-Files collection to pass on what you say. ds4fm@hotmail.com