From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: 9 Jul 2001 05:29:15 -0000
Subject: If Truths Be Told (1/2) by Romantique
Source: direct

Reply To: dolph1n@sbcglobal.net


Title:  If Truths Be Told (1/2)
Author: Romantique
Classification: Ep Re-write. MSR
Rating: PG-14 (Violence)
Spoilers:  This Is Not Happening, DeadAlive, Three 
Words.
Distribution: Archive anywhere, but e-mail me, 
please. dolph1n@sbcglobal.net
Summary: I don't like the way Mulder was returned 
after his abduction.  Too many issues were handled 
"off camera."  So, I changed the story to include what 
I would have liked to see happen.




At the Hospital
Intensive Care Unit

Now disconnected from the respirator, Mulder remains 
unconscious.  Monitors continue to record his every 
breath, every heartbeat, blood pressure, and 
temperature.  IV's provide his frail body with fluid, 
antibiotics, electrolytes and the precious antiviral 
medication . . . his last hope for survival.

These past several days resulted in an improvement of 
his vital signs.  Still, he looks thin and ashen as he 
clings to life.  Disfiguring wounds cover his face and 
body and suggest untold stories of pain and torture.

Scully remains at his bedside, where she has 
maintained her vigil for days on end.  Emotional 
exhaustion weighs heavy in her eyes, but hope for a 
healing remains a constant within her heart.  Careful 
not to disturb the monitor's lead wires connected to 
his index finger, she gently takes his hand in hers 
and begins to stroke his fingers.  His hand is icy 
cold, and as his lips, his fingers are blue from lack 
of circulation.  She can't help but think that he 
looks like one of her autopsy victims, and she quickly 
dismisses the thought from her mind.  She closes her 
eyes and wills the warmth of her hand to move into 
his.

In response to her touch, she feels a twitch in his 
hand.  She quickly opens her eyes and looks at his 
hand and then, into his face, searching for a sign, 
any sign of conscious life.  His head slowly moves 
from side to side.

"Mulder?" she pleads, praying that what she is seeing 
is not her imagination.  For him to awake from the 
dead would be the greatest miracle for which she could 
ever hope.

He struggles to open his eyes and turns his head 
toward her voice.

On the verge of tears, her bottom lip quivers, and she 
struggles to speak.

"Hi," she manages to say to him, as joy spreads across 
her face.  Mulder finally has come back to her.

His eyes barely blink, as he blankly stares at her.

"Who are you?" he slowly whispers.  His voice is weak 
and scratchy.  His eyes offer her no sense of 
recognition.  And suddenly, the joy begins to drain 
from Scully's face.

"Oh, God," she tells herself.  "He doesn't know who I 
am."

"Mulder, it's me," she says, swallowing hard in an 
effort to keep her emotions in check.

She tries to lock her eyes with his and observes they 
are unfocussed, and his pupils are unequally dilated.  
Automatically shifting into physician mode, she stands 
up over him and gently places her hands on each side 
of his face.  He flinches at her touch, and yet his 
eyes do not move.  Mulder continues to stare where 
Scully was seated.

"Mulder.  It's Scully," she says softly, but firmly, 
as she continues to observe his response, or non-
response is a more accurate description.

"Scully," he softly sighs.  The corners of his lips 
appear to turn up into the slightest smile, but the 
movement in his face causes him to wince.  The monitor 
show increased cardiac activity in reaction to his 
pain.  His eyes well up with tears.

"Lie still, Mulder," her even voice calms him.

"Scully," he whispers again.  The look in his widening 
eyes is one of alarm.

She looks deeply into his eyes in an effort to connect 
with him and offer him some comfort, and she gently 
strokes his hair.

"Scully?" he shouts, but only manages a hushed tone.  
"Scully, I can't see!"




At the Hospital
One Week Later

In the hallway, outside Mulder's room, Scully glances 
at the door to his room and is relieved to find it is 
closed.  She wishes to have a private discussion with 
Mulder's physician, Dr. Lim.

"Dr. Lim, I'm very concerned about Mulder's mental 
state since his return," she begins.  "I don't know 
how much he remembers of his abduction, of his return, 
of the torture and abuse he's obviously endured.  He 
doesn't talk about it, and I think it's too soon to 
press him to remember things he may not be ready to 
remember.  But I hear him talk about terrible things 
in his sleep.  And then, of course, he is trying to 
deal with his blindness."

"Yes, Dr. Scully," he replies.  "Your partner's 
physical and his mental and/or emotional states are 
not on an equal path of recovery.  And when one cannot 
remember trauma, it is the mind's way of protecting 
itself from further trauma. I would like to see your 
partner undergo a course of psychiatric interview and 
treatment, once he is released from the hospital in 
good physical condition.  He's almost there, but not 
yet."

Scully nodded her head in agreement.  And for now, 
this puts to rest any question she had about telling 
Mulder of her pregnancy.  For as badly as she wants to 
share her news with him, it is clearly too soon.  She 
reaffirms her decision to put his needs first, as she 
can't begin to imagine what he's been through.

Inside Mulder's room, he sits alone in a chair facing 
the window.  He can feel the warmth of the sun on his 
face.  The rays of sunlight provide some color 
variation in his peripheral vision, a novel contrast 
to the darkness he sees in low levels of light.

He closes his eyes, as his consciousness is 
transported back to the alien ship.  He is restrained 
upright in that chair, that chair placed in the center 
of a room.  Pairs of eyes peer at him from all around 
the room, as if his is the main act in a 'theater in 
the round.'  His face is being pulled in all 
directions by devices that are reminiscent of fishing 
hooks.  Blinding lights blaze into his eyes, causing 
him to keep them tightly closed, but the lights 
penetrate his closed eyelids.  His nostrils are 
violated by the introduction of two cold, metal 
probes.  They are pushed through to his sinus cavity.  
The pain is overwhelming as he drifts into altered 
states of consciousness.

A high powered saw comes down from above, being slowly 
lowered until it makes contact with his chest.  The 
sharp, metal teeth of the circular blade rip deep into 
his flesh.  Blood splatters from the wound in all 
directions as tiny droplets.  He can feel blood spray 
up in his face and eyes, into his mouth, and up his 
nose.  He can taste his own blood!

Tears mixed with blood stream down his face.  The pain 
is excruciating, and he opens his mouth to let out a 
scream.  Next, he hears the sound of a high powered 
drill enter his mouth, and it bores a hole in the roof 
of his mouth.

Just when he can take no more, he finds himself 
transported back to the chair in his hospital room.  
Breathing heavily, beads of sweat break out all over 
his body, and his heart is racing.

"I'm safe," he tells himself, and he takes in slow, 
deep breaths to take in more oxygen.

A moment later, he hears a gentle tap on the door 
behind him, and the door opens.  The sound causes him 
to jump almost straight out of his skin.

Scully and Dr. Lim enter the room.  She witnesses his 
startled reaction to their entrance.

"Mulder, you OKAY?" she asks him.  She knows he is not 
OKAY.  It is obvious he is not OKAY.

Mulder takes in another deep breath, stands, and turns 
to face the sound of Scully's voice.  He is clad in a 
hospital gown, and he clutches a blanket that had been 
placed over his legs.  The sweat is starting to 
evaporate, and he is suddenly quite pale and clammy.

"Yeah," Mulder responds.  "For a guy who was, uh... in 
a coffin not too long ago I think I'm doing pretty 
damn good."  He gingerly makes his way back to his 
bed, about 3 feet away.  His movements are slow and 
unsteady, but forward and determined, nevertheless.  
"I don't quite have my legs under me... yet."

"Mulder, Dr. Lim is here with me.  You might want to 
consider sitting down when you hear what we have to 
tell you."

Mulder feels for the bed with his hands, his eyes 
staring straight ahead.  When his fingertips finally 
touch the mattress, he lowers himself down to sit at 
the foot of the bed.

"Uh-oh," Mulder responds and takes a hard swallow.  He 
tries to prepare himself for some bad news.

"No, it's, uh... it's good news.  It's... It's 
miraculous news," Scully announces with a lilt in her 
voice.

Dr. Lim interjects, "I can't possibly exaggerate the 
inconceivability of you sitting here.  Let's be honest 
. . . your condition may be more incredible than your 
recovery."

Scully adds, "Whatever neurological disorder you were 
suffering from, it's no longer detectable.  After a 
course of transfusions and antivirals, it has rid your 
body of the virus that was invading it.  The scars on 
your face on your hands, on your feet, on your chest, 
they . . . they seem to be repairing themselves.

Mulder slowly touches the wound on his chest, as he 
briefly recalls his flashback to the high powered saw.

"Mulder," Scully announces, "You are in perfect 
health."

"Wow," Mulder utters flatly.  "Except for one thing.  
I can't see.  I'm blind!"  His monotone voice is 
becoming excited.

Dr. Lim responds, "Agent Mulder, may I approach you?"

Mulder nods in the affirmative.

Dr. Lim pulls up the nearby chair and sits so that he 
is positioned at Mulder's level.  "I know you can't 
see.  But we have no reason to believe that your eyes 
will not repair themselves, too.  Among other optical 
indications, you previously presented with severe 
inflammation of the sclera.  The sclera, in both your 
eyes, has almost returned to a normal state in an 
impossibly short amount of time."

Slowly and gently placing his hand firmly on Mulder's 
shoulder, he continues, "I'm not in the business of 
giving out false hope, Agent Mulder.  You have every 
reason to expect a full recovery, including your 
eyesight."

Mulder gives Dr. Lim a reassured nod.

"When?" Mulder asks.

"We can't know that, Mulder," Scully slowly steps 
closer, too.  "For now, just know that it will happen 
for you, OKAY?"

Mulder nods and tries to give her a little smile.  
This is good news.

Dr. Lim sits back in the chair and says, "Now, how are 
you feeling, today, Agent Mulder?"

"Like Austin Powers," he tries to quip in typical 
Mulder fashion.

Scully tries to reward his effort with a small laugh, 
but no one in the room finds his situation the least 
bit humorous.




Mulder's Apartment
5 Days Later

Scully leads Mulder into his apartment by holding his 
elbow, as they have been practicing in physical 
therapy for the past 2 days.  She carries a duffel bag 
that contains his belongings.

"Must feel good to be home," Scully says as she leads 
him near his sofa.

"Mmm, he responds as Scully carries the bag into the 
bedroom.

"Something seems different," he remarks and he lowers 
himself and falls down into his sofa.  The smell of 
the leather is so familiar.  It smells like home.

"It's clean," she remarks in an attempt to lighten the 
conversation.  "That, and you're missing a molly," she 
adds.

Mulder's face looks a little sad upon hearing the 
news.

"Yeah, she wasn't as lucky as you," Scully says as she 
nervously plays with her keys.

She can't believe how awkward this is.  She has 
something she desperately needs to tell him, and she 
can't.  He's not ready to deal with anything more than 
with what he already has before him.

"Mulder, you said you would be more comfortable here, 
at your place.  So, I took the liberty of packing a 
few things for myself.  I'd like to stay here with you 
during your first days home," she nervously awaited 
his response.  She knows all too well how self-
sufficient he can be.  It's one of the things she 
loves best about him.

"That's not necessary," he begins to object.  "You 
stayed with me every day and almost every night at the 
hospital.  You must be exhausted.  Why don't you go 
home and get some rest?  I'll call you if I need you."

"Mulder," she counters.  "I've waited a long time for 
you to come home from the hospital.  I would rest a 
lot easier knowing you are near.  I'm perfectly 
willing to take the sofa."

She thinks to herself, "If you only knew how long I've 
waited for you to come home."

"OKAY," Mulder agrees.  "But I'm taking the sofa.  It 
feels really good."  And Mulder stretches out his long 
frame and puts his feet up on the couch.  Propping his 
head up on the armrest and toeing off his shoes, he 
lies back and closes his eyes.  Within minutes, he is 
gently snoring.

"He really doesn't remember," Scully sadly thinks to 
herself.  "Anything about the baby, anything about 
us."  And she grabs a blanket out of the hall closet 
and lays it over a sleeping Mulder.




Mulder's Apartment
Later That Night

Scully is propped up on pillows in Mulder's bed, 
reading "What To Expect When You're Expecting."  She 
is especially engrossed in the chapter on the 9th 
month, and is still feeling a little squeamish when 
earlier, she cheated and jumped ahead to scan the next 
chapter on the delivery.  Although she is a physician, 
it's a little different when one is also the patient.

She reads the section on the final weeks and days.  
One of the signs to look for prior to labor is when 
the baby gets herself into position in the birth 
canal, commonly referred to as when the baby "drops."  
She loves the way this book refers to the baby as 
"her."  It makes the subject matter seem more real.

"Hmmm.  Hasn't happened yet for me," she says to 
herself.

Just then, she hears moaning coming from the living 
room.  It's Mulder.

"No, nooooooooooo!" he yells.

Scully pushes herself up and out of bed and goes to 
him.  He is thrashing about, having yet another bad 
dream.

"Mulder," she calls his name from quite a distance.  
His arms are thrashing to and fro.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh," he yells in pain.  He is dreaming 
about the torture he endured on the alien craft.

"Mulder, you're having another bad dream.  Wake up," 
she addresses him calmly, but firmly.

He appears to be calming at the sound of her voice, 
and she slowly approaches him.

"Mulder, it's me.  Scully," she says in an even tone.  
"You're safe now.  You're home."

She places her hand gently on his arm.  In a reflex 
response, Mulder backhands her, making sharp contact 
with the side of her face.

"Owwwwww," she cries.  Her face hurts, and the 
stinging pain brings tears to her eyes.

"Mulder, stop," she yells, as she backs away.  She 
feels anger rising up inside her.  Her thoughts 
instantly go to protecting her baby.  Once she's out 
of his arm's reach, she feels her anger begin to 
dissipate.  She knows he's not responsible for his 
actions.

"Scully?" he responds.  He appears to be waking up.

"Yes, Mulder.  I'm here."  Her voice quakes, as she is 
still somewhat upset from being hit.  Her face begins 
to throb.

"Scully, what's wrong," Mulder asks.  He detects 
something is wrong in her voice.

"You were having another dream.  They are bad, Mulder, 
really bad."  Her voice continues to shake, and she 
continues.  "I wasn't going to talk about this until 
you are stronger, but you've got to see someone about 
these dreams.  You need to speak to a professional."

"Scully, I don't want to talk about this to anyone," 
he responds.

"Mulder, this is not only about you.  You hit me 
tonight.  You were out of control, and I can't 
restrain you when you are in the middle of one of 
these episodes.  I've seen you have nightmares before, 
but not like these.  These are more like night 
terrors.  Dr. Lim and I discussed your seeing someone 
when you were in the hospital.  It's part of your 
discharge plan."

"I hit you, tonight?" he asks quietly in disbelief.

"Yes," she whimpers.  "You did."

"Are you OKAY?  Scully, did I hurt you?" he asks with 
great concern in his voice.

"I think I'm going to be OKAY.  But yes, you hurt me.  
I need to put some ice on this."  She could feel her 
face beginning to swell.

"You sit down, Scully, I'll get some ice."  And Mulder 
quickly makes his way to the kitchen.  Opening the 
freezer door, he feels around for an ice tray.  He 
quickly cracks the tray in the sink and reaches up for 
the cabinet above the sink.  His hands quickly 
identify a box of plastic bags.  He fills one of the 
bags with ice.

"I'm so sorry, Scully.  Where did I hit you?" he asks 
sheepishly, clearly embarrassed.

"In the face.  You popped me a good one," she 
responds.

"Not her beautiful face," Mulder thinks to himself.  
He feels terrible.

"I would never intentionally hurt you.  You know that, 
Scully," he said as he walked back into the living 
room.

"Mulder, I know you would never intentionally hurt 
me," she begins.  "But you are not in control of 
yourself when you are having one of these night 
terrors.  You're a danger to yourself and a danger to 
others.  Like I said, this isn't only about you.  You 
need to get some help before someone is seriously 
hurt."

"You're right, Scully," he says as he offers her the 
bag of ice.

"I'll do whatever I need to do."  He pauses and 
continues, "I feel horrible about what happened here 
tonight, and I'm so very sorry I hurt you.  Can you 
forgive me?"

"Of course I forgive you.  But I want you to make an 
appointment, tomorrow.  OKAY?"  Scully thought she 
better close this deal while she is ahead.  And she 
brings the ice to her bruised cheek.

"Absolutely, I promise" Mulder agrees.

(TO BE CONTINUED)

Title:  If Truths Be Told (2/2)
Author: Romantique
Classification: Ep Re-write. MSR
Rating: PG-14 (Violence)
Spoilers:  This Is Not Happening, DeadAlive, Three 
Words.
Distribution: Archive anywhere, but e-mail me, 
please. dolph1n@sbcglobal.net
Summary: I don't like the way Mulder was returned 
after his abduction.  Too many issues were handled 
"off camera."  So, I changed the story to include what 
I would have liked to see happen.




Outside Dr. Werber's Office
1 Day Later

"I have a few errands I need to run," Scully begins.  
"Like an appointment with my obstetrician," she thinks 
to herself.

"Frohike will be here in an hour to take you home.  
I'll see you there later, OKAY?" she asks.

"OKAY," he replies with an appreciative smile.

Waiting here, outside Dr. Werber's office, is almost a 
relief.  He needs to speak to someone about what 
happened to him and can't bring himself to speak about 
it with Scully.  He's afraid it will remind her of her 
abduction.  She never speaks of her own abduction.

Not only is he concerned about bringing horrible 
memories back to Scully, but he cannot bear the 
thought that she may also have experienced torture 
from them as he had.  They can do whatever they want 
to him, but not to Scully.  That is the reason he 
would not allow her to return with him to Bellfleur.  
Plus the fact he was dying.  He had never before kept 
anything from Scully, but he did hide his illness from 
her.  And now, she knows he kept it from her.  He has 
been unable to talk to her about it.  He doesn't like 
keeping secrets from Scully, even if he is only trying 
to protect her.

He also feels that Skinner and the Gunmen have been 
tiptoeing around him.  They all know something they're 
not telling him.  But what could it be?  Since his 
return, he feels like he doesn't belong, like he 
doesn't know where he fits in.  He would love to pick 
up and return to his life before, but his life before 
his abduction seems like it is gone.

"Agent Mulder, please come in," Dr. Werber greets him 
as he opens his office door.  

He leads Mulder inside.  "You are now standing right 
in front of the sofa."

Mulder gives an appreciative nod.

"It's been awhile.  I've been reading your file from 
Dr. Lim.  It sounds as if you are a very fortunate man 
to be sitting here with me, today," Dr. Werber begins 
the session.

Mulder takes a seat on the sofa and begins speaking, 
"Yes, I've had quite an incredible experience.  I was 
abducted a little more than six months ago."  He knows 
Dr. Werber has heard hundreds of alien abduction 
recounts.

"And how is the recovery progressing?" the Doctor 
inquires.

"Well, physically, I'm doing very well.  The only 
after effect is my blindness that is only temporary.  
I'm told I also have some scarring, although it is 
minimal as compared to how I was found.  But 
emotionally, I don't think I'm doing as well."

"Can you expand on that?" Dr. Werber asks his patient.

Mulder tries to explain, "I have night terrors and 
understand that I am pretty hard to control . . . to 
get calmed down.  I don't remember the night terrors, 
but I have some horrendous flashbacks when I'm awake.  
Pretty gruesome stuff about the torture I endured 
during my abduction.  Last night during a night 
terror, I actually injured my partner when she tried 
to get me to wake up.  If the night terrors are 
anything like the flashbacks, they must be pretty bad.  
That's why I'm here."

"I see.  Do you have clear and continuous waking 
memories of your abduction?" Dr. Werber asks.

"What do you mean by continuous?" Mulder requests 
clarification.

The Doctor explains further, "I mean, do your memories 
follow a logical, chronological sequence."

"I remember being abducted, taken with the others from 
Oregon.  And later, I remember being separated from 
the rest of the group.  I remember tests.  Horrible 
tests as if I was some kind of a lab animal.  They 
were painful, torturous tests," Mulder recants.

"And then what," Dr. Werber prompts him to go on.

"And then, I woke up in the hospital.  I was blind, in 
a lot of pain, and very weak.  I recovered at a 
miraculous rate."

"But you don't remember how you got from point A to 
point B?" the Doctor asks.

"You mean how I got back?  How I was found?  I've been 
told that I died.  But I don't remember it.  I don't 
remember how I came back.  No, I don't," Mulder 
answers.

"Well, that is a good place to start.  Sounds like a 
memory blockage to me.  And as you know, a memory 
blockage can play havoc with one's unconscious mind," 
Dr. Werber comments.  "We've been through this before, 
Agent Mulder.  I'd like to put you through regression 
using hypnosis.  Does that sound reasonable to you?" 
the Doctor asks his patient.

Mulder nods his head in the affirmative and begins to 
stretch himself out comfortably on the sofa.  Dr. 
Werber clicks on the tape recorder and is ready to 
being the hypnosis session.

"Alright, Agent Mulder.  I'd like you to close your 
eyes and take in deep, slow breaths.  Imagine yourself 
in a quiet, peaceful place.  You are safe and filled 
with complete serenity."

Mulder listens and follows the Doctor's instructions.  
He knows this exercise all too well.

"You were abducted and later returned, do you 
remember, Agent Mulder?"

Mulder groggily shakes his head yes.

Dr. Werber gets ready to take some notations on his 
pad.  "Where were you taken?"

"We were all taken aboard an alien craft," he 
responds.

"And do you remember leaving the craft?  What do you 
recall seeing upon your return?" the Doctor prompts 
his patient.

Mulder responds in a slow monotone, "I'm on the 
ground.  It's dark and cold, so cold.  I'm naked.  I 
can hear dogs barking in the distance.  They are 
getting closer.  I think they are tracking hounds.  I 
see lights coming from a distance.  Headlights from 
cars.  No, trucks.  Military vehicles.  They're coming 
closer and closer.  They're here.  Military men are 
approaching me with their flashlights shining into my 
eyes.  They are asking me questions, examining me.  
But I can't speak.  They talk among themselves and on 
radios.  I hear my name.  Someone has identified me.  
(Pause)  I hear one of them talking to Skinner.  Thank 
God, someone is covering me with a blanket.  Oh, no!  
They are covering my head.  I can't move.  I can't 
see."

"What happens next," asks the Doctor.

"I hear Scully.  She asks how bad am I hurt.  She is 
kneeling down beside me and pulls the blanket off my 
face.  She touches my face.  She looks so sad.  She is 
crying.  She says, 'No. No. No. No.  He needs help.'  
Then, an Agent pulls her away from me.  He tells her 
it's too late.  Again, she yells that I need help and 
she runs away.  The Agent runs after her.  Scully, 
don't leave me!  Scully, please come back," Mulder 
cries.

Dr. Werber steps in.  "You are back at your safe 
place, Agent Mulder.  You are safe and calm.  Breathe 
deeply.  That's it."

Once he is satisfied that Mulder is in a calmer state, 
the Doctor continues.  "You have been found, Agent 
Mulder.  Now what is the next thing you see?"

Once again, Mulder recants his experience in a 
monotone.  "I see people standing outside, in the 
snow.  There's the Lone Gunmen, Kersch, fellow FBI 
Agents.  Some I know, others I don't'.  I see Skinner 
and Mrs. Scully.  And Scully, my partner.  Everyone 
looks so somber, so sad.  I hear a minister recite 
'Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.  We are here to deliver 
the body of Fox Mulder to its resting place.  We pray 
to God to deliver his soul and to resolve the deep 
mysteries Fox Mulder sought so tirelessly to uncover.  
Let us pray now for his eternal peace.'  Oh, my God.  
This is my funeral.  I'm dead!  Scully is crying.  She 
is so sad.  Skinner is trying to comfort her.  She 
throws a handful of dirt down at me.  I'm not dead, 
Scully!  I'm not dead!!!" Mulder screams.

Dr. Werber immediately takes control.  "Agent Mulder, 
listen to the tone of my voice.  You are in a safe 
place.  You are calm and relaxed.  Breathe deeply.  
Concentrate on your breathing.  That's it.  When I 
count to three, you will be wide-awake and rested.  
You will remember everything and will remain calm.  
OK.  One . . . two . . . three!"

Mulder opens his eyes and begins to sit up.

"How are you feeling?" the Doctor asks.

"I died.  I really died," Mulder remarks.  "I guess 
I'm doing just great for a dead man."




Mulder's Apartment
Later That Evening

Using her key, Scully opens the door to Mulder's 
apartment, finding him seated on the sofa.

"How did your session go with Dr. Werber?" Scully asks 
her partner as she closes the door.

"I was dead," Mulder waits to hear a reaction from 
Scully.

Scully is totally unprepared for his utterance.  But 
she is pleased that there has been some kind of a 
breakthrough.

"Yes, you were dead when we found you."

"I was buried under the ground," Mulder continues in a 
monotonous tone.

"Do you have memories of being buried?" Scully asks, 
still rather shocked at his remarks.

"No, I but I have memories that were uncovered during 
the regression," he replies.  "And you were there when 
I was found.  But you were not alone."

Taking a seat in a chair near the sofa, she tries to 
explain, "Yes, Mulder.  Skinner and I searched and 
searched for you.  And at one point, I was assigned a 
new partner, John Doggett.  Agent Doggett was assigned 
to find you.  He was also there when you were found."

"And others were returned before me.  Theresa Hoese, 
Gary Cory, and Billy Miles?" Mulder awaits her 
confirmation.

"Yes, Gary Cory was returned dead.  Theresa Hoese was 
found near death but was healed by Jeremiah Smith.  
You would have also been healed, but Jeremiah Smith 
was abducted immediately after your return," Scully 
tries to explain, all the while observing his 
reactions.

"And what about Billy Miles?" Mulder asks.

Scully swallows in preparation for this next part.  
"Billy Miles is now an alien, Mulder.  His body is the 
host for an alien being.  You would have suffered the 
same fate had we not given you a course of the 
antivirals."

He pauses as he tries to make sense of the day's 
revelations.

"I'd like to see Theresa Hoese," Mulder exclaims.  "I 
need to talk to her."

"You will Mulder, soon.  She's also trying to deal 
with the aftermath of her abduction.

Scully continues, "I'm sorry we had to keep these 
facts from you.  But we were advised that you would 
let us know when you were ready to process all this.  
You have been through so much in such a short period 
of time.  I mean, how do you tell someone you care 
about that he was dead?"

"I don't know," he mumbles.

They sit together in silence for a few moments.

"Mulder, there is something I've been wanting to ask 
you."  She takes a deep breath and continues, "Why 
didn't you tell me about your brain disease?"

Mulder winces.  He knew this one was coming.

"If it makes you feel any better, I feel terrible 
about withholding the truth from you.  I guess in my 
own, stupid way, I thought I was trying to protect 
you, Scully."  He continues, "But I think I was also 
trying to protect myself.  I couldn't bear the thought 
of having to leave you."

"But then, you left me when you went back to 
Bellfleur?  Mulder, I don't understand," she says as 
tears well up in her eyes.

"Again, in my own, stupid way, I was trying to protect 
you.  I didn't want you to have to go through another 
abduction.  And I was again trying to protect myself.  
You don't know what it was like when you were 
abducted, Scully.  I couldn't go through that again," 
Mulder held his head in his hands.

"I do know what it's like.  I know what I went through 
when you were abducted.  And when we found you, when 
we found you dead," Scully offers.

"Oh, God," Mulder exclaims.  "We've come full circle, 
haven't we? I haven't been able to talk to you about 
my abduction because I'm trying to protect you from 
reliving yours.  You aren't able to fill in the blanks 
for me because you are trying to protect me.  We've 
been so busy protecting one another and ourselves that 
we ultimately create such distance between us."

"I think you make a valid point about also trying to 
protect ourselves," Scully sniffles.  "Mulder, there 
is something else I need to tell you.  Something else 
has happened since you've been gone.  I don't want to 
keep it from you any longer."

At this instant, Mulder clenches his eyes shut and 
shakes his head.

"Mulder."  Scully is now up on her feet.  "Mulder, are 
you OKAY?"

Rubbing his temples and looking down at the floor, he 
slowly blinks his eyes.  He can see the outline of his 
shoes.  His vision is slowly coming into focus.

"It's my eyes," he explains and continues blinking his 
eyes.  "Scully, my vision is returning."

Looking up at her, he exclaims, "I can see."

He continues to look at her and is surprised to see 
her very pregnant form.  His look is mirrored by 
Scully's look of surprise.  She is utterly speechless.

"You're going to have our baby," Mulder announces to 
her with a smile on his face and tears of joy in his 
eyes.

"Yes, I am," she replies with tears now forming in her 
eyes.  "He knows," she says to herself.  "He finally 
knows."

"This is what I was getting ready to tell you," she 
explains.

Standing from the sofa, he holds his hand out to her.  
She takes it, and he pulls her closer to him.  Scully 
is a small woman, and he is in awe at the size of her 
abdomen.

"Scully, have I told you that after all these years of 
searching for the truth, I finally found it," he 
remarks in great seriousness.

"And what is the truth?" she asks.

"The truth is," he briefly hesitates.  "I love you, 
Scully."

Searching her eyes for acceptance of his truth, he 
leans in until his lips meet with hers, and he 
proceeds to give her a gentle kiss that becomes more 
passionate with each passing second.  After a few 
moments, he breaks away to gaze into her blue eyes and 
proceeds to gently kiss her forehead, her nose, her 
eyelids.

"Mulder?" Scully sighs with her eyes still closed.

"Mmmmm," Mulder moans in response, as he continues to 
kiss her beautiful face.

"The truth is," she softly says, "I love you, too."

She takes his hand into hers and places it on the 
baby.  A smile emerges across his face.

"I can feel him.  He's kicking," he says in wonder.

"Him?  So, you think we're going to have a boy?" she 
asks.

"It's just a hunch," Mulder gives her an even bigger 
smile, thinking back to past visions of a small family 
on the beach . . . and the father and son building a 
space ship in the sand.

~fin~