If You Love Something 1/4

   BEcky (leut99@kersur.net)

   Hi everyone! I don't believe there are any spoilers for
episodes in here, and this is definately NOT an NC-17. But
yes, this is definately a MSR, but I think it's presented in
such a way that even the friendshippers would like it. 

Quick Summary: What? Scully's getting married? And it's
not to Mulder? And I call myself a relationshipper! Well,
this story centers around the prospect of Scully getting
married a few years down the line and how Mulder reacts to
that.

Disclaimer: All of these characters, Mulder, Scully, Skinner,
etc. belong to FOX, Ten Thirteen and Chris Carter (mega
genius). I'm not trying to steal them and use them for some
evil money-making purpose, this is all just fun and games.
(we're not running around trying to poke someone's eye
out, either). So don't sue me. Please. Thank you.
The character of Hunter Jax is mine though, he's mine, all
mine!!!!! No songs in this part, but definitely in the parts to
come!!!!

If You Love Something...

By: BEcky


	She'd been thinking about it for the last week and
half. She knew the decision that she had to make would not
only be forceful enough to change *her* life, but her
partner's life as well.  Dana Scully exhaled a long, slow sigh
and tossed the red velvet box carelessly from one hand to
the other and back again ignoring the fact that the diamond
ring inside the box was probably being tossed about like it
was on spin cycle. Yes...or no. 
	"Ahhhhh!" she cried out in frustration and controlled
the urge to pick up the phone and call Mulder. I can't
consult with him on every aspect of my life, she thought,
he's not my keeper, he can't make decisions for me.
Although it might be nice...
	She'd been doing a lot of thinking lately, most of it
within the last 24 hours, and her mind kept drifting back to
her partner and friend, Fox Mulder. Ever since Scully had
started dating, she'd seen less and less of her paranormal
counterpart. Well, ever since I started dating Hunter,
anyway.  She slowly opened the box, the ring sparkling up
at her from the red velvet lining- it was still perfectly
positioned despite the jostling it had taken.
Tangible love or forbidden love.  She pulled the ring from
the box and held it up to study it.
	He doesn't even know how I feel. After eight years
he's never said anything to me to even lead me to believe
that he wants anything more than a business, working
relationship.  A friend, that's all.  She held out her left hand
and noticed how bare it looked.  Hunter loves you and
wants to marry you, she told herself.  But the way Mulder
looks at you sometimes, and that day we came so close to...
	But that was all in the past, and today was now. 
I've always want to get married, have children, and be
happy with my job and my life.  No matter how happy I've
been, there's always been that empty place that only comes
with the prospect of a life-long partner.  I have the
opportunity, it might never come along again.  
	Dana took a deep breath, slid the ring onto her
finger and picked up the phone. I have to tell Hunter my
decision, she thought, and I have to break the news to
Mulder.  Somehow.
*******************************************
Three weeks later 
Basement Offices
FBI Headquarters


	"Mulder! Mulder!" Scully rapped her knuckles
gently on the side of Mulder's head.  "Earth to Mulder,
anyone home?"
	Mulder shook his head and blinked his eyes,
groggily coming out of the daze he'd put himself in. 
Floating through the days had certainly been easier than
living them.
	"What was that, Scully?" he asked absently, not
even trying to squeeze in a bad joke or some of the deadpan
humor that he was famous for.  Mulder stared down at the
partially rifled through papers on his desk, dreading the
moment when he was finally forced to open the folder that
contained their last case together.  He ran his hand through
his dark brown hair and shoved the back end of a pen in his
mouth. 
	"Nothing, Mulder. I was just wondering if you were
planning on reviewing the case sometime this YEAR."
	"Don't start on me, Scully, I haven't been having a
very good day."
	"You haven't been having a very good month, but
I've put up with it.  I know that you're having a hard time
accepting the fact that I'm getting married in few weeks, but
-"
	"I am *not* 'having a hard time' accepting that
you're getting married.  It's just that things haven't been
going as fabulously great for me as they apparently are for
you."
	Scully moved a stack of papers to the floor from the
corner of his desk so she could lean up against it.
	"You keep referring to these mysterious 'things' that
haven't been going so great for you lately," she said, her
tone softening. "Why don't you try telling me about some of
them, and maybe that'll help."
	"So you can run over to Hunter and tell him stories
of your eccentric partner who's 'lost it for sure' this time?  I
don't think so Scully.  I have enough people hassling me in
general, and the last thing I need is another person to join
the 'Fox Mulder's An Alien Abductee Fan Club'."  Mulder
dropped his gaze back to the closed folder staring up at him
from his desk.  He couldn't even begin to describe or sort
out the intense dispair and feelings of loneliness that had
been ravishing his body for the past three weeks, the cause
of which he knew, but tried to deny.  I can't believe she's
getting married, he thought, playing with the cover of the
folder with his pen.  It's so... so final.  It's your own fault,
he thought, if you'd only taken that chance, gone for
something for once in your life instead of taking the safe
route.  In a few days she'll be gone, just like Samantha. 
Two of the many losses that I could have prevented.  He
clenched his jaw tighter and drained his face of emotion. 
This was finally it, he thought, lifting the cover of the folder
with his pen like the gruesome piece of evidence it was.  He
sighed heavily, nearly forgetting that Scully was still sitting
on the corner of his desk.  She looked stunned and deeply
hurt, but Mulder didn't see it.  He didn't want to talk to her
right now, or see her, it struck a chord deep in a place that
he didn't want to visit now, or ever.
	Scully bit back tears of anger, hurt and frustration. 
He won't even *look* at me, she thought, rising from the
corner of his desk.  I've been there for him for eight years,
and he was there for me.  Never once have I betrayed his
confidence, she thought, but I guess I can understand how it
would seem that way.  
	"Mulder, I just want you to know that I have
*never* betrayed your confidence to anyone.  Not now, and
not ever."  She cocked her head to try to catch his gaze, but
it was a futile attempt.  She reached out and placed her hand
on his like he had done to try to console her many years
ago.  She knew this wasn't easy for him, it hadn't been
exactly Easy Street for her either, but she'd done what she
had to do.  Scully bit her lip as she watched Mulder look
over the documents with vacant eyes.
	"Mulder, please. This is the last case...could we at
least *try* to make it a pleasant one?"
	Mulder didn't look up, but he moved his arm out of
Scully's reach.  
	"I don't have a problem.  It seems to me like you're
the one with the big problem.  My philosophy has always
been case first, personal problems a distant second.  If you
think we're going to have a problem on this case, then
you're more than welcome to take an early leave," Mulder
replied.  His words hit Scully like a ton of bricks.  More
than welcome to take an early leave?  It sounded like he
didn't even want her on the case anymore.  Well, I won't
give him the satisfaction, she thought, moving to the
computer.  At least I can try to get some preliminary case
work done.   
	He stared at the same piece of paper for more than
five minutes, seeing the words but not processing them.  His
mind kept drifting back to that day, that night when they
had come within a hair's breadth of  coming out of the gray
and onto solid ground...

	It had been a drizzly day, but heavy rain wasn't in
the forecast until late the next morning.  Scully had been
against going to the crime scene, seeing that it was so
secluded from the road and any inhabited place by dense
forest for miles all around.  
	"Come on, Scully, when else are we supposed to
check this out?  when the rain has washed away any
possible evidence that might have been left?" Mulder had
said.  Scully had looked up at him with her tell-tale "Scully"
look and had grudgingly agreed.
	"You've ditched me one too many times, Mulder. 
You can't get rid of me again."
	"Wha- I've never ditched you!" he protested and
then grinned sheepishly, "Not deliberately anyway."
	"Mm hmmm.  Okay, let's get going.  I'd prefer to be
done by the time it gets dark out there."
	"I could be your night light." Mulder winked. She
had playfully punched him in the arm and walked out of his
room to the car.  
	They had driven to the crime scene, talking
occasionally, but mostly just looking around and checking
out their surroundings.  The sky was darkening prematurely
in what looked like to be an Olympic display of storm
clouds.
	"I don't like the looks of it," Scully told him, eyeing
the clouds.  Mulder glanced up and continued along the
deserted road.
	"I think it'll hold off, at least until we're done," he
said, slowing as they came up to the yellow police tape
wrapped around trees near the road to mark the spot of the
murder.
	"They've already taken photos and written up a
report," Scully said in a last ditch effort to try to talk
Mulder out of it.  But it was too late, they were already
there.  "How about umbrellas?"
	"I knew there was something I forgot," Mulder said. 
"Oh well, we're not made of sugar, we won't melt."
	They had gotten out of the car and walked for about
a half hour to the crime scene.  Ten minutes into their
investigation, the sky had let loose and huge, hard drops of
rain pelted the two agents as they ran for the car.
	"See, I told you Mulder!" Scully shouted above the
sound of the rain.  That was when it happened.  Out of the
corner of his eye, he saw her go down.  Mulder had stopped
and raced over to her where she had tripped over a rock and
was laying in a rising puddle of mud.  
	"Are you okay?  Can you stand?" he asked.  She
nodded, but as Mulder helped her up, she collapsed onto
him.
	"My knee, I think I hit it on a rock," she said, her
face contorted with pain.  It was cold and they were both
soaking wet.  Mulder could see the car up ahead through
the trees, so he scooped Scully up in his arms and made a
mad dash for it.  He set her down momentarily to search for
the keys in his pocket and then opened the front door and
unlocked all the doors.
	"I think I can manage now," Scully had said when he
tried to help her into the back seat.  She crawled in and he
closed the door behind her.
	Once he was in the driver seat, Mulder tried to start
the car.
	"Um, Scully I think we have a problem."
	"What now?" She had taken off her shoes and was
stripping down to minimum layers, peeling off each wet
sock and tossing it to the floor.  
	"I know I have a problem.  My knee's swelling up
like a balloon, could you hurry up and get us back to the
hotel.  I need to get some ice on this."
	"Scully, we're not going back to the hotel." Mulder
had said, turning around to face her 'oh really?' expression. 
"We're not going anywhere.  The car won't start."
	"WHAT? What do you mean the car won't start?"
	"Exactly what it sounds like.  I think the engine's
flooded or something.  In any case, we're not going
anywhere."
	"Use your cell phone and call for help," Scully had
said, her jaw clenched with pain. "I really need to get back
to the hotel, Mulder."
	"Scully, are you sure you're okay?" Mulder asked,
reaching for his cell phone.
	"Well, I'm having trouble getting my coat off. 
Maybe it would have been smarter to take it off *before* I
got into the car."
	"Probably."  Mulder rummaged around through the
glove compartment for the brochure for the auto club.  He
punched in the number, gave them the location and hung up.
	"They're going to be right out.  It'll take about a
half hour seeing we're pretty secluded up here."
	"Great.  Could you help me with my coat now?"
	Mulder turned back around to find his partner
completely entangled in her trench coat, with arms situated
at odd angles.  He reached over the seat and tried to grab
one sleeve so that she could slide her arm out, but ended up
almost falling into her lap.  
	"Uh, I think I'm stuck, Scully," Mulder said, trying
to dislodge himself from his position between the two front
seats.  Scully could hardly contain herself and burst out
laughing.  She put her hands on his shoulders as if ready to
give him that final shove back to dislodge him, when their
eyes met.  It was a moment of complete electricity that
lasted several minutes, despite the fact that they were
soaking wet and the case was in shambles.  Mulder searched
her eyes, feeling her soft breath on his cheek and leaned in
closer as Scully closed her eyes.  Just then there were three
short raps on the glass.  Scully opened her eyes and shoved
Mulder back into the front seat, trying to rationalize what
had almost happened.  Mulder stepped out of the car and
talked to the auto club guy who had arrived way ahead of
schedule because there hadn't been anyone else on the
roads.
	So close, and yet so far.

	Back in the office, Scully watched Mulder and felt a
pang deep inside.  When she'd told him that she was
engaged to be married, his face had dropped into the jaw
clenched, emotionless stage.  
	Mulder remembered when Scully had told her that
she was going to be married to Hunter.  It would have been
easier if she'd stuck a sword through my stomach and let
me die that way, he thought, instead, I never get to see her
again.
	The weeks following the day when Scully broke the
news had been a living hell for both of them.  They'd been
snippy to each other, and had gotten into more all out fights
in the past three weeks, than in all of the years of their
whole partnership combined.  Scully tried not to blow up
when Mulder provoked her because she could see what her
getting married was doing to him.  It was tearing him apart. 
Even if he wouldn't admit it, she could see it in his eyes on
the rare occasions he made eye contact with her.  They were
both miserable, and Skinner had seen this, so he did the only
thing that he could do; he transferred Scully to Quantico
where she would be teaching, and left Mulder on the
X-Files.  He was allowed to request another partner, but
Skinner highly doubted that would ever happen.  He wasn't
a cold stone, he could see the closeness of these agents, and
frankly, was surprised that they didn't get involved with
each other.
	Sure, being romantically involved with your partner
was against FBI regulations, and Skinner had thought they
would keep it a secret, he was willing to look the other way
as long as they were discrete, but Scully's engagement had
definitely come as a surprise.
	"Scully, it's going to be a long night here, you
should probably-" Mulder said, looking up for the first time
since their conversation started.  He nodded slightly
towards the door. She looked over at him from the
computer desk and glanced at the clock.
	"I'll be out of your hair in a few minutes, I just have
to finish up here," she answered coolly.  He started to say
something to his defense, but closed his mouth, shrugged
and returned to the file.
	After eight years of trying cases and near misses,
Mulder had still managed to retain his good looks and
swimmers build.  I cared for him so much, she thought,
refusing to even *think* the word 'love' at this point, I
guess I still do.  
	She had been in the midst of a case with Mulder
when they had required the assistance of a certain Agent
Hunter Jax.  It had been nice to finally have somewhere to
go besides home after work and on weekends, and as much
as she and Mulder clicked in the office, the precedent for
'after-hours' had been to call if there was an emergency. 
Some social life.  But no matter how much she convinced
herself she was in love with Hunter Jax,  she knew that this
wasn't the kind of head-over-heals love she'd only heard
about in fairy tales.  Who knows, she thought, maybe that
kind of love only *exists* in fairy tales.
	When Jax had popped the question, Scully had been
torn between a hidden passion and a tangible love, and in
the end, tangible love won out.  Besides, she told herself,
how could Mulder ever love me?  I'm his partner, sure there
were moments when I could have sworn he was going to
make that move and cross the line, but the realities of
everyday life kicked in and the moment was lost.  It was all
an imaginary dream of a girl searching for love in all the
wrong places, she thought, rising from the chair and
switching the computer off.
	"I'm gonna leave now, okay Mulder? I'll see you
tomorrow bright and early for our flight out," Scully said,
grabbing her purse.  Mulder restrained himself from saying
'sure, fine, whatever', and instead replied with a
noncommittal, "Okay."
	He leaned back in his chair.  "What time should I
pick you up?"
	"Pick me up for what?"
	"It would make more sense if we car pooled as usual
to the airport.  Save the Earth and all that...What time?"
	"Seven, I guess."
	"See you at seven then," Mulder answered. "Better
not be late," he added with a glimmer of his old self.
	"I'll try real hard," she promised, grabbing that
glimmer of the Mulder she cared for and holding onto it
with both hands.  I might never see it again, she thought and
the notion of losing him stabbed at her with an intensity she
didn't expect. 
	Mulder watched the door close slowly behind Scully
inhaled deeply.  He'd tried to resign himself to the cold,
hard facts, but it wasn't working.  He couldn't even imagine
coming in to work every day, looking over and not seeing
her.  He pounded his fist on his desk and bit back his
emotions.  Better just to take each moment as it comes and
not think about the future, he thought, returning his
attention back to the file.  I can't believe I'm still on page
one...
___________________________________
end.pt 1

Disclaimer: See part One for the whole ditty. The song ‘Nobody Knows’ is by 
the Tony Rich Project, and is used lovingly without their permission
but only for the purpose of making this a better story.

If you love something...part 2

By: BEcky (leut99@kersur.net)


	The hotel stood in front of the two agents like a
mystic castle in a far away land.  It stood high on a hill with
balconies that overlooked the cold Maine ocean, peacefully
keeping watch over the sandy landscape.  Mulder roughly
slammed his car door and Scully shot him a pleading look,
silently begging him to try to make their last case into
something other than a disaster.
	“Nice hotel, huh?” Scully commented, trying to
lighten the mood.
	“I guess,” Mulder replied, glancing up, “but if
you’ve stayed in one, you’ve stayed in them all.  Why
should this one be any different?”
	“Do we really have to end like this?”
	“Like what?”
	“Like you and I fighting? Can’t we just forget about
all of our problems for a while and just get through this
case?” Scully asked, slamming her door.  “Or is that too
much to ask?”
	“Forget what?  That you’re getting married?” 
Mulder paused and thought for a moment.  “Sure, fine,
whatever, I think it is.  It’s been five years...” He shot her a
smug smile and started for the entrance. 
	“I didn’t say-” Scully started after him.  I refuse to
chase him through the parking lot, she thought, slowing her
pace.  If he wants to run ahead, fine, fine.  And why did he
dredge up that old ‘sure, fine, whatever’ line?	
	Mulder reached the glass door and looked discretely
over his shoulder to find that Scully was walking slowly
through the parking lot.  He wasn’t one to resign himself to
things very easily - he was a fighter by nature - but when it
came to the Scully issue he lost his will to fight.  She’d had
a choice and the choice wasn’t him, that simple.  Resigning
himself of that fact only made getting up each day all the
more a chore he wished he didn’t have to do.  He didn’t
even try to think of how he would carry on the X-Files
without Scully there to help him.  He wanted so much to be
able to tell Scully that she was the only thing that mattered
to him now, but every time he opened his mouth to speak,
the right words wouldn’t come.
	Mulder turned and watched as Scully approached
him.  
	“Decided to wait for me after all,” she said, giving
him a half smile.
	“Um, sort of.”  Mulder ran his hand through his hair
and looked into her eyes.
	Scully met his eyes and flashed back to that time in
the car.  Dana, you’re engaged to Hunter, she told herself. 
She blocked the thoughts and dismissed her doubts as
pre-wedding jitters.
	If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to
you, it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it was never yours to begin
with.  If you love something, he thought again, set it free...
	“What are we doing here?” he whispered, leaning
closer to her.  
	“What do you mean?”
	“I mean,” he said, not having the courage to keep
eye contact, “I mean, you shouldn’t be here with me.  Are
we trying to kid ourselves?  Pretend like everything’s just
fine and dandy? that it’s all just going to magically jump
back into place like nothing ever happened?” he paused. 
“Life’s not like that,” he met her eyes again.  “We’re not
like that.”
	“Mulder I-”
	“You don’t belong here with me.  You belong with
uh, with Hunter.”  He nearly choked on those last few
words.  
	Scully bit back her tears. What was he *doing*? 
She’d never seen so much anguish in one person’s eyes
before.  The sincerity in his voice made her want to cry.  A
little voice deep inside of her stepped to the microphone.  ‘If
you can see he’s doing this for you, then why are with
Hunter?  Why are you with him when *this* is the man you
love?’
	“Mulder, I don’t want to leave.  I’m not walking out
on this case,” she told him, the firmness in her voice
betraying the wariness inside.  I’m not walking out on you,
she added silently.  But what about Hunter? She was torn.
	“Scully.  Dana.  You don’t have a choice.  I only
booked one room.  You can’t stay with me on this, besides,
I’m only your partner, why have me when you can have
him, right?”  Ooo, that last part came out a little too harsh,
he thought immediately after.
	Mulder’s words packed a punch that hit Dana Scully
head on.  She exhaled shakily as his words sliced through
her.  I’ve got to know, she thought, one last ditch effort.
	“Do you *really* want me to go?” It came out more
a whisper than anything else.
	“I left the keys on the seat.”
	Scully turned and looked back at the car and then
turned to look back at Mulder only to find that he had
already disappeared into the hotel.  Dammit Mulder, she
thought, the crease in her brow deepening.
	Mulder stood inside the door, silently bargaining
with himself.  If she comes in, I’ll tell her how I feel and she
can stay.  He looked sadly out the window as the blue
Tauras pulled out of the parking lot and disappeared down
the street.  What a way to say good bye.

****
	Scully pulled out into the oncoming traffic, barely
avoiding a catastrophe collision with an 18 wheeler.  Damn
him! she thought angrily.  Why does he have to go and pull
these stunts? she wondered, and our last case was the
biggest stunt of all.  If he doesn’t want me around, fine.  I’m
not going to stay somewhere I’m not wanted.  She wiped
underneath her eyes with the back of her hand to try to rub
away some of the tears that smudged her make-up. 
Somehow the consolation of coming home to Hunter wasn’t
as comforting as she’d hoped it would be.  She
contemplated turning around and forcing Mulder to let her
work on the case, but the notion of having to beg for her
position was even more unappealing than going home to an
empty house for a few days before Hunter came back from
his case.
	She reached over and flicked on the radio.  

	Mulder threw his suitcase on the bed and nearly
slammed the door behind him.  Boy you sure have a twisted
way of letting someone know you care, he told himself.  He
remembered the time when he’d nearly fallen asleep on
Scully’s couch after a night of late night TV and she’d just
pulled the afghan over him and left him there.  Scully,
Scully, Scully.  He was realizing yet again how much of his
life revolved around that one woman: his partner.  Former
partner, he corrected.  And soon to be Dana Jax.  He tried
unsuccessfully to control a shudder at that thought.  What
exactly did you expect her to do?  Wait a hundred years
until you made a move?  She shouldn’t be expected to wait
forever...he glanced out the window at the ocean lapping up
onto the beach.  Still, deep down, he wished she’d turn
around and give him them yelling at he knew he deserved.
	“My feelings are irrelevant at this point,” he said to
his reflection in the full length mirror, “It’s Dana who
should be happy.  Who is happy.”
	On to the case, he thought, maybe that’ll take my
mind off things for a while.  He fiddled around with the
clock radio on the bedside table until he heard music.  
	
		“Wish I told her how I feel,
		maybe she'd be here right now,
		but instead...

		I pretend that I'm glad you went away
		These four walls closin' more every day
		and I'm dying inside
		and nobody knows it but me
		like a clown I put on a show
		The pain is real even if nobody knows
		and I'm cryin' inside
		and nobody knows it but me...”

	He set the papers aside, not able to focas on them at
all.  He rose from the bed, tossing his suit jacket onto a
nearby chair in the process, pushed the sliding doors open
and stepped out onto the balcony.

		“Why didn't I say 
		the things I needed to say
		How could I let my angel get away
		Now my world is just a tumblin' down
		I can say it so clearly
		but you're nowhere around

		The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
		and I just keep thikin' 'bout the love 
                        that we had
		and I'm missin' you
		and nobody knows it but me...”
		
	Scully turned up the volume and reached for her cell
phone.  She pulled over onto the shoulder and sifted
through the mess on the passenger seat until she came up
successful.  She took a deep breath, closed her eyes
momentarily, looked at the phone and dialed the number she
knew by heart.

		“I carry a smile when I'm broken in two
		and I'm nobody without someone like you
		I'm tremblin' inside and nobody knows it but me.
		I lie awake it's a quarter past three 
		I'm screamin' at night as if I thought 
		you'd hear me
		Yeah my heart is callin' you 
		and nobody knows it but me...”

	Mulder leaned over the wooden railing on the
balcony.  He had gotten lucky with this spectacular view of
the ocean and was appreciating it.  The music filtered out
from the room onto the balcony and as much as Mulder
tried to ignore it, he couldn’t.  Just like he couldn’t ignore
something else that was bothering him.  He thought he
heard his cell phone ring, but then saw someone walking on
the sidewalk below pull out a cell phone and start talking. 
False hope, he thought.  You’ve got to stop doing this to
yourself.  She’s gone, why can’t I accept that?

		“How blue can I get
		You could ask my heart
		but like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn 
		all apart
		A million words wouldn't say just how 
		I feel
		A million years from now ya know 
		I'll be lovin' you still

		The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
		and I just keep thikin' 'bout the love that we had
		and I'm missin' you
		and nobody knows it but me...”

	Scully pressed end and tossed the phone back onto
the passenger seat, letting an exasperated sigh escape her
lips.  He knew it was me and ignored it anyway.  She shook
her head back and forth slowly, took one last look at the
phone and eased back out onto the freeway.
	
		“Tomorrow mornin' I'm hittin' the 
			dusty road 
			gonna find you whereever, ever you 
			might go
			I'm gonna unload my heart and hope 
			you come back to me
			said when the nights are lonely...”

	Maybe it really *was* my phone, he thought and
wandered back into his room.  Nothing.  Silence except for
the radio.  Mulder didn’t dare touch it for fear that he’d
never get it to work again.  He wasn’t really good with
things like that, pressing play on the VCR and typing out a
report with his word processor was the extent of his
technological wizardry.  His rational thinking went
something like leave everything else to Byers, Langly and
Frohike.  Boy would Frohike be disappointed with the
sudden turn of events, Mulder thought.

		“The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
		and I just keep thikin' 'bout the love that we had
		and I'm missin' you
		and nobody knows it but me...”

	As the song finished, Scully cruised along the
highway at a comfortable 85 mph, which was well above the
allotted speed limit, but she didn’t really care.  All she
wanted to do was get as far away from Mulder as she could
as fast as she could.  If I see him again, I’m going to do
something stupid, she realized, so I’d better make sure I
don’t see him again.  She slowed and pulled in at a rest
stop, realizing for the first time that she had absolutely no
idea *where* she was or how to *get* home.  We flew
down, brainiac, she reminded herself.  
	“Great, just great,” she said aloud, sitting inside the
car. “And to top it all off, this is a rental car.  Fantastic
planning, Dana.”  She looked in the pocket of her door and
found a map of the Northeastern United States.  This helps,
she thought wryly, I don’t even know where I am.  She
rested her head on the back of her seat and closed her eyes. 
I can’t go back to Mulder, I’ll just have to figure out where
I am and drive home. 
	“I can drop off the car at the DC airport...”  She
nodded and got out of the car in search of one of the maps
that pointedly informed tourists ‘you are here’.

	Mulder reached into his pocket for his ziplock baggy
of sunflower seeds.  Scully had complained for years on
how messy they were, so he finally got into the habit of
packaging them nicely, only to find that now, his pockets
were empty.  He got up and check the pockets of his jacket. 
Nothing.  He thought for a minute and envisioned the nice,
full bag sitting comfortably in the glove compartment of
Scully’s car.  She’ll eat them if she gets hungry enough,
otherwise they’ll be sitting on my desk Monday morning- he
stopped himself mid-thought.  There’s not going to be
another Monday morning with Scully.  Ever.

	Dana Scully was well on her way back to
Washington, DC after getting directions from the friendly
man inside the rest stop house, when she passed a sign
marked ‘Milford’ while she was driving along 495 on her
way through Massachusetts.  She’d already spent nearly
two and a half hours on the road, and for some reason this
town had a familiarity to it.  It took her a couple of minutes
before it hit her.  Hunter was investigating a bombing in that
town that was possibly linked to the bombing in Atlanta and
the TWA flight.  Terrorists.  Well, maybe I’ll be able to take
his mind off of things for a little bit.  She took the exit and
drove around the broken streets until she found the police
station, or what was left of it.  She was stopped outside by
an armed policeman.
	“What’s your business here?” he asked in a no
nonsense fashion.
	“I’m Dana Scully, from the FBI.  Where can I find
the rest of the team?”  She took out her badge and handed it
to the policeman for inspection.  
	“They’re at the main site where they believe the
explosion originate from.  They’ve been there for most of
the day.  I can take you down there if you’d like,” he said,
his tone softening as he handed her badge back to her.
	“That’s okay, I think I can find it myself.  Thanks for
your help.”
	“Any time, Agent Scully.”  
	Scully surveyed the street and decided against trying
to drive, instead she maneuvered her way through the ruins
of downtown Milford to Bolio’s Sports store where she’d
heard on the radio was the site of the explosion.  Scully
stepped around a piece of yellow and black police tape that
was littering the street, and joined the large group of FBI
Agents and local police.  Amongst the group, she saw her
fiancé with his back to her.  As soon as he turned around
and spotted her, his eyes lit up and he immediately rushed
over.

	Mulder set the phone back in the hook.  The first
victim’s mother had agreed to meet with him in a half an
hour.  He rose from the bed and noticed that the sky had
just started to darken.  Mulder stepped out onto the
balcony, letting the salty air blow through his hair.  
	Waves crashed below him on the beach as he looked
up into the sky to see that a single star was visible through
the clouds.  Wish on a star, he thought, haven’t done that
since I was a kid.  And even then, the wish was always the
same. He wished for Samantha.
	Now it was different, everything different and the
same at once.  Please, he wished, let her be happy. 
Whomever she chooses, whichever life, just let her be
happy.  
	The star twinkled and glowed as he shut the balcony
door behind him.
____________________________
end pt. 2

Disclaimer: See part One for the whole ditty.


If you love something...part three

By: BEcky (leut99@kersur.net)


	“Dana!  What are you doing here?” Hunter asked,
reaching out to take her hands in his.  “I thought you and
Mulder were-”
	“There was a development in the case, and um,” she
was suddenly aware that all eyes were on them.  “Can we
talk about this in private?” 
	“Sure, why don’t we go back to my hotel room?  I’ll
um, I’ll wrap up here and be with you in a second.”  Scully
nodded.  Hunter walked over to a group of men and women
decked out in FBI jackets and with a little pointing and
nodding, he was trotting back over to Dana within a couple
of minutes.
	“Are you sure that you don’t need to be here?” she
asked.
	“Yeah, I talked with the agent in charge and she
cleared it since I’ve done so much work already.  We have a
couple of good, solid leads already.  Boy, whoever did this
wasn’t very creative, it was the same exact type of pipe
bomb that wreaked havoc on the Olympic Village a few
weeks ago.”  Hunter explained.  
	“Oh.”
	“What’s up?  You aren’t very talkative and usually
you’re just...” he gestured with his hands.  Scully shot him a
tight smile.
	“I know.  Bad day?”
	“It’s depressing huh?  I don’t know how you do it
sometimes, hon.  All those dead bodies... I’m finding it hard
to distance myself when all around is death.”
	“Can we um, can we talk about something other
than work?” Scully asked, looking down at the pavement as
Hunter walked her to his car. 
	“I have my own car, actually,” she said.  “I drove the
rental down from Maine.  I honestly don’t know how
Mulder’s going to get to the airport seeing this was the only
car we bothered to pick up.”
	Hunter looked at her with concern. “Do you want to
ride with me?  We could pick up your car later on?”
	“No.  Thanks for offering though, but I really can’t
stay for very long...I have a long drive ahead of me.”
	“Okay, whatever you want.  You can follow me to
the hotel, it’s not far, but with all the detours, it does get a
little repetitive and sometimes confusing.” Hunter got in his
black sedan and closed the door while Scully walked back
to the Tauras.  She followed Hunter through seemingly
endless detours and back roads until they finally emerged in
front of a comfortable looking Marriot.
	“It’s 232,” Hunter said, placing his hand on Scully’s
back to escort her into the elevator.  The touch was just so
reminiscent of Mulder, that for a split second, she was back
in his apartment after finding out that he was still alive. 
“You know Dana, it was getting pretty lonely up here
before you got here.”
	She nodded slightly and glanced up at him.  He
placed his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes.
	“What’s wrong?” he asked, cocking his head to one
side and took her hands in his.
	“Nothing,” she said rather unconvincingly.  “I just-
Mulder and I got in a fight and-” she sighed, “It’s just been
a long day.”  Hunter nodded and leaned down to kiss her. 
The doors opened and Dana slid out of his grasp and into
the hallway.  Wow, what made you do *that*? she asked
herself.  He’s your fiancé and you’re reluctant to kiss him? 
Something was definitely not right, and Hunter knew it.  He
looked at her strangely as he lead the way to his room.
	Once they were inside, he tossed the key on the
table and turned to face Dana.
	“Dana, what’s up?  Ever since you got here you’ve
been avoiding my touch, it’s almost like you came all the
way down here specifically to tell me something.  Are you
and Mulder involved?  Is that what you came to tell me? 
Are you sleeping with him, too?”
	“WHAT?! No, of course not!  That’s not it at all,
it’s just...”
	“It’s just what?  I think I have a right to know!” He
was shouting now.  Dana’s face said it all.  She looked hurt
and confused at his sudden outburst.
	“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell.  I know these last
few weeks haven’t exactly been easy for you.  I know what
it’s like to lose a partner, Dana.”
	“I don’t know what’s going on right now,” she said
honestly.  “But I know we need to talk.  Seriously talk.” 
Hunter started to nod slowly.  
	“Good.  I’ve kind of wanted to talk to you,
too...really talk,” he said, looking a little uncomfortable.
“There’s um, there’s something I need to know.  I guess uh,
I guess now’s as good a time as any.”
	Scully took his outstretched hand and sat next to
him on the edge of the bed.  He looked extremely nervous
and uncomfortable.  
	“Um...uh...Dana, I, I don’t know really how to um,
how to start, so I guess I’ll just dive right in and get to the
point,” Hunter said and brushed a lock of golden blond hair
out of his crystal blue eyes. “I love you.  You know I love
you.  I hope you love me,” he paused, waiting for some sort
of assurance.  Scully nodded.  “When we get married, I
want it to be for life.  Through thick and thin, for better or
worse, in sickness and in health.  Now, before we go
through with this, I have to know if you just love me, or if
you’re *in* love with me.  There’s a difference and I need
to know.”  He fidgeted a little.  Scully felt her heart being
torn in two.  This man in front of her obviously loved her
and would for life if they were to get married.  Am I in love
with him? 

	Dead ends, fakes, and fraud.  Mulder felt like
smashing his hand through the window.  Nothing.  The case
was a bust.  There was no Mrs. Hanson and the address she
had given him had been a used car lot for as long as any of
the locals could remember.  And the ‘message’ that the
owner of the lot had been instructed to give Mulder...
	All signs pointed to a Skinner set up, one last chance
to try to get his two favorite agents together.  Mulder could
scarcely believe it himself, but “Have a good vacation,
you’ve got three more days so make the best of it, -AD
Skinner,” was hardly a clue in a murder investigation.  It
would have all worked out too, except for the fact that
Scully was engaged to ANOTHER MAN and the other fact
that she’d left earlier.  You told her to go, he reminded
himself, you can’t blame her for actually listening to you
once in a while.
	He flopped down on his bed and rested his head in
his hands.  He’d taken a cab to the nearest Alamo and had
rented another car, since Scully had their only means of
transportation, and now he had a cherry red sports car for
three days courtesy of Skinner.  Well, hopefully he’ll
understand when I write it up in my expense report.  It’ll be
a little tougher to explain *two* cars, though.  He sighed.  I
might as well stick around, there’s nothing in DC for me
anymore.  Nothing as long as Scully’s gone.  He closed his
eyes and tried to force the thought out of his head.

	“Hunter really-”
	“Just answer me, please.”
	“I do love you, but I think I need some time. 
There’s just so much going on and I thought I could handle
it, but I guess I can’t,” she said, rising from the bed and
heading for the door.  Their eyes met in a moment of
poignant understanding.  Hunter clenched his jaw and
looked up at her. 
	“See you, Dana,” he whispered, not trusting his
voice to last for much longer.
	She smiled one last sad smile and closed the door
behind her.  She padded down the hall to the elevator.  
		
	Mulder rolled off the bed.  He hadn’t shaved or
showered in the last 24 hours, he hadn’t seen the point. 
Now he felt grungy and disgusting as he made his way into
the bathroom.  
	The icy water cooled his hot skin and soothed his
racing thoughts.  The feeling in his chest was physically
painful and hard to ignore. She’s gone.  The ache was so
deep and the feeling of emptiness so vast, it numbed his
mind of anything else.  For a few minutes he ignored all the
self imposed rules and regulations and let his mind drift back
to a time when everything was right.
	
	Scully pulled her car over to the side of the road and
rested her head on the steering wheel.  She wiped fruitlessly
at her eyes, but the tears still came.  She’d held back all
through the lobby of the hotel and halfway down the
highway.  Now it was pitch black and no one could see her. 
She realized that she’d been a crybaby of sorts lately but
tried to justify it by telling herself that anyone else whose
engagement was all but broken off and who had a secret
love for a man she could never have would be crying too
just about now.  Dana tucked a strand of auburn hair behind
her ear and fingered the golden cross she always wore
around her neck.  She’d always been religious and now was
as good a time as any to ask for guidance.  Help me choose,
she asked the divine spirit, who am I supposed to be with?  
	She closed her eyes for a second to gain her
composure and merged back out into the busy nighttime
highway traffic.

	Mulder tucked his towel around his waist and shook
his head.  Water droplets flew around his room, but at least
his hair was somewhat drier.  He pulled on a pair of gray
sweatpants and a white tee-shirt, leaving the towel where it
fell to the floor.  He stepped out onto the balcony, noticing
that the stars were no longer visible through the thick layer
of ominous clouds floating above.  Perfect, he thought.  He
leaned over the railing and breathed in the salty sea air. 
Right across the street waves crashed on the beach, surging
forward towards the hotel.  Mulder glanced down at his
watch, 10:32.  It’s so beautiful here, too bad Scully isn’t
here to see it.  I know it’s one thing she’d appreciate.  He
glanced up one more time before disappearing back inside.

	Scully didn’t even notice the clouds until the patter
of rain started to sprinkle her windshield. I wish I thought to
take an umbrella or something, she thought.  She’d been
driving for hours and had absolutely no idea where she was
or in what direction she was going.
	She took the next exit and drove through a small
town that looked strangely familiar.  It was really dark now,
and she glanced down at the digital clock in the car.  10:38. 
Geez, time flies, she thought and sudden pang of hunger
reminded her that she’d skipped dinner.  Scully reached
over and popped open the glove compartment.  She fished
around for a stick of gum and instead came up with an
untouched ziplock baggy of sunflower seeds.  She smiled,
looking up at the road, now slick with rain and realized why
this town looked so familiar.

	Mulder heard a gunshot and raced out onto his
balcony.  Down below him he heard voices.
	“I told you to have that car looked at last
Wednesday.  It’s been backfiring like that all week!  Whatza
matter wit you Joe?  Ya deaf?” a woman yelled.
	Mulder smiled and shook his head, holstering his
FBI issue Smith and Wesson.
	A light rain had started and the surf pounded the
beach, closer to the road.  It was pitch dark with a slight
glow coming from the streetlamps that lined the road.  The
main illumination came from the moon which bounced off
the water and shimmied with each wave.  Despite the rain it
was a perfect night.  Mulder felt chills run down his spine
and droplets of water soak through his shirt.  One of the
faults of having a room on the top floor.  He watched for
the occasional set of headlights pass by, and noticed one car
slow and pull over into the parking lot.  Something about
that car, even from the height he was at, something was
very familiar...
__________________________
end part three

Disclaimer: See part one for the whole ditty.
 The song “Change the World” is by Eric Clapton
and Babyface, used lovingly without their permission to
better the story.

I love comments, suggestions, etc...so feel free to drop
me a line!

If you love something...part four (the last and final installment)

By: BEcky (leut99@kersur.net)

	That was it.  Scully stopped the car and waited; she
wasn’t exactly sure what she was waiting *for*.  She
looked up at the hotel and noticed a lone figure standing out
on a balcony at the top of the structure, probably soaked to
the skin at this point.  This was it.  The choice had been
made.  Scully took a deep breath, collected herself and
made a mad dash through the rain to the hotel lobby.

	Mulder tilted his head upward and squinted into the
rain, soaked through and through, but he wasn’t thinking
about getting wet or the rain.  The only thought that
occupied his mind was how stupid he was to let her walk
out of his life.  He envisioned her deep blue-green eyes
crinkled up and that teasing smile she gave him, and wanted
to fling himself to the pavement below.  You did the right
thing, he tried to convince himself, it’s what she wanted. 
Somehow this scenario wasn’t at all as he had expected it to
be.  After all, he thought, this isn’t the movies, and I’m
hardly riding off into the sunset after a day of heroic deeds.  

	“I’m sorry, Miss,” the woman behind the check-in
counter said, “We’re not allowed to give room information
to strangers walking in off the street.  I’m afraid I can’t help
you.”
	Think fast, Dana, she told herself.  “But you don’t
understand, this is an extremely serious matter...and I’m his,
his fiancé!”  She held out her left hand for the woman to
inspect the ring.  
	“What did you say his name was again?”
	“Mulder.  Fox Mulder.”
	“I’m not really supposed to do this...” she said, “but
you seem like a nice woman, and since you’re his fiancé, I
suppose I can make an exception, but please don’t tell
anyone or I could lose my job.”
	“Thank you so much, I can’t even begin to tell you
how much I need to see him,” Scully said, “What was the
number?”
	“513.”
	“Thank you so much.”  The woman just nodded and
smiled as Scully turned and did a slow jog to the elevators.

	As Mulder stood out on the balcony, rain pelting
him from every direction, he heard music coming from his
room.  I must have set the clock for 11:00 p.m. by mistake,
he realized, not ready to come in out of the rain yet. 
	
	          “If I can reach the stars,
		pull one down for you
		shine it on my heart,
		so you could see the truth
		then this love I have inside
		is every thing it seems
		but for now I find
		it’s only in my dreams...”

	Scully stopped in front of room 513 and hesitated. 
What if he really didn’t want me to come back, what if this
is all a mistake...She stared at the door, not wanting to
knock and stand there like an idiot, but she didn’t have a
key.  There weren’t any maids around, after all it was just
after 11:00pm, but Scully remembered seeing a storage
door a few doors back.  She took one last look at Mulder’s
door and retreated to the storage closet.  Scully wandered
down the hall until she came to the door marked ‘Hotel
Personnel Only’ and, as she’d suspected, it was locked. 
Scully wasn’t one to abuse her authority but when she saw
one of the staff walking in her direction, she silently debated
the circumstances.  She exhaled heavily and reached for her
badge. 
	“Excuse me, but could I trouble you for a favor,”
she asked the man, nodding for him to come over to her.
	“Sure, what is it?  Need more towels?  Shampoo?” 
he asked. 
	“Actually,” Scully said, feeling really guilty for what
she was about to do, “it’s a bit more serious than that.  I’m
Special Agent Dana Scully, with the FBI.” She flashed her
badge.  She had his full attention now.  “You see, we’ve
been involved in this ongoing investigation, it’s highly
classified, so I can’t really tell you the details, but one of the
men we’ve been trailing is in room 513, and I need a key to
that room, so if you’d be so kind...”
	“You mean there are agents in this hotel?”
	“Yes, more than you’d think.  I hate to be pushy, but
we need to move fast.”
	“Oh....*Oh* okay.  No problem, anything to help
out the law enforcement,” he said and reached into his
pocket.  “Say, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about
that incident at Roswell, would you?”
	“I’m really not at liberty to say,” Scully said, taking
the master key.  “I’ll see that this gets returned to you, uh-”
	“Spence.  Spence Martino.”
	“Okay Spence, but I have to ask you to keep this
under wraps.  If the men we’re following found out that FBI
is here, well, our whole case would go down the tubes. 
You understand,” Scully said, playing up to the
stereotypical FBI standards.
	“Of course.” Spence nodded. “Have a nice night,
Agent Scully.  And good luck,” he whispered.  Scully
nodded and headed back towards Mulder’s room.  She
slipped the key in the door and stepped inside.

	Mulder thought he heard something but ignored it. 
Probably just my imagination wishing for her.  
	Scully dropped her purse on the floor, tossed her
jacket on the bed, and walked slowly to the sliding door that
lead out onto the balcony.
		
		“That I can change the world
		I would be the sunlight in your universe
		you would think my love was really something 
                          good
		baby if I could, change the world...”

	She stepped out onto the cold, cement floor, rain
pouring down from above.  Mulder turned and looked at
her standing in the doorway.  He tried to search her eyes,
but she couldn’t meet his.  She bit her lip and raised her arm
to show him what she had in her hand.
	“You um, you left these in the glove compartment,
and I...I...I know how much you um, you like them, so I-” 
She stopped stammering and looked up into his questioning
eyes.  Scully couldn’t remember the last time she was
nervous around Mulder, but this definitely qualified as being
nervous.
	He reached out and wiped the water from beneath
her eyes and tucked a strand of stubborn red hair behind her
ear.

		“If I could be king
		even for a day
		I’d take you as my queen
		I’d have no other way
		and our love would rule
		in this kingdom we have made
		till then I’d be a fool
		wishing for the day,
		That I can change the world...”

	“Do you love him?” Mulder asked softly, above the
sound of the rain.  Scully rested her hand on top of
Mulder’s on the side of her neck.  He leaned down, his lips
slick from the rain, mear inched from hers.  She looked deep
into his eyes.  He swallowed, waiting for her answer.  She
slid one arm behind his neck.
	“I couldn’t marry him,” she whispered, “I
couldn’t...I couldn’t leave you.”
	
		“I would be the sunlight in your universe
		you would think my love was really something good
		baby if I could, change the world
		baby if I could, change the world...”

	“Baby if I could change the world,” Mulder echoed,
leaning closer until his lips met hers.  Their kiss sealed an
unspoken bond they’d made on day one.  They’d always be
there for each other, through thick and thin.  This was love,
the kind that was forever.  
	“I think you just did,” Scully answered.
		
		“That I can change the world
 		I would be the sunlight in your universe
		you would think my love was really something 
                                good
		baby if I could, change the world
		baby if I could, change the world
		baby if I could, change the world...”

	Mulder wrapped his arms around Scully and closed
his eyes, letting the situation sink in.  She rested her head on
his chest, feeling his back through the soaking wet shirt. 
	“Mulder,” Scully said, leaning back a little to meet
his eyes, but could barely see through the downpour.  “I
hate to ruin the mood, but I’m freezing cold and soaking
wet.  Could we go inside?”
	He smiled, nodded, and reached for the sliding door.  
	If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to
you, it’s yours...
_____________________
end