From: TWEEEDUMS@aol.com
Date: Tue, 20 Jun 2000 16:19:08 EDT
Subject: I'll Stand By You
Source: direct

Title: I'll Stand By You
Author: Mikki Nelson (TWEEEDUMS@aol.com)
Catigory: MSR
Rated: G
Disclaimer: I wish I could claim the brilliant work of Mulder and Scully, but 
the characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. The scene was 
partly written by the wonderful writes of The X Files, I only can claim the 
addition of incite into a touching scene.
Description / Spoilers: The scene we didn't get to see ...

Mulder walked into his apartment, his mind was filled with questions that he 
had no idea how to answer. He'd been thinking too much and his head was 
throbbing. He didn't know where to turn, the La Pierre case had gotten to 
him, made him remember all the things that had happened to him in his past 
and at the same time made him question everything he so greatly believed in. 
Mulder walked over to his answering machine, the beep echoed and the calm 
voice of his mother came, he felt as though his heart were being ripped 
apart, she was gone.. Mulder felt suddenly empty, his mother's voice talking 
to him like she was still alive, still there talking to him like she always 
had before. He wanted to cry but held back as he rewound the message "Fox, 
It's your mother" Mulder's heart rose in a kind of happiness, maybe she was 
going to tell him the things he'd been waiting for, give him an answer to all 
the questions that were swirling in his head "I hoped you'd call upon your 
return" Mulder couldn't believe his mother's words, she'd waited till his 
call, it was his own fault now, he was the only person to blame for not 
calling, he'd meant to, really he had but he'd been so busy with the case, if 
only he'd known, he could have done something about it earlier, maybe her 
death could have been prevented, "I know you're probably busy" he could feel 
the emotion swelling up on him but he wasn't going to brake, this message 
wouldn't brake him, he told himself that over and over as the message 
continued "There are so many emotions in me, I wouldn't know where to start, 
so many things that have been left unsaid that I hope one day you'll 
understand" then there was a knocking at Mulder's door, it shattered his 
thoughts and the silence, even though it was only a few seconds long they 
were still filled with so much emotion. Mulder answered the door, already 
knowing in his heart who it was. Scully looked up at Mulder with a solemn 
faced. "My mother was trying to tell me something" Mulder said walking 
towards his answering machine. Scully couldn't believe what she was hearing, 
with all the events that had taken place Mulder was still searching for 
answers. He couldn't stop, not for a second, no matter how close this case 
had come to pushing him over the ledge of insanity. Scully walked into 
Mulder's apartment shutting the door, but still watching Mulder the entire 
time. Mulder sat down at his desk rewinding his answering machine once again. 
"I've figured it out" Scully seemed almost shocked. "Something about my 
sister, something she was never able to tell me" Mulder turned and watched 
the answering machine while he listened intently to his mother's words. 
Scully walked in closer, Mulder turned to face her and said "My mother knew 
what I'd find with this case" Scully couldn't believe how close Mulder was 
letting himself get, even though his mother had died and this case was surely 
painful for him she remained skeptical "How could she Mulder?" Scully 
questioned. Mulder just stared back at Scully "A child disappearing without a 
trace, without any evidence and the finds of all logical explanation" Scully 
just sighed, she saw Mulder, more lost than he had ever been. "She knew 
because of what's driven me, what I've always believed" Scully just watched 
him, and the only thing she could say was "Mulder.." "Scully, these parents 
who've lost their children, they've had visions, there have been scenarios 
that have never happened, but which they describe as notes came to them in 
notes that they describe as automatic writing and words that came thought 
them psychically, old souls protecting the children" Mulder's words became 
clearer and clearer to him as they flowed from his lips, and all Scully could 
do was look at him, he was so confused, so lost, so caught up in everything 
that he wasn't able to be rational. "My mother must have written a note like 
that herself, describing the scenario of my sisters disappearance of her 
being abducted by aliens" Scully looked almost as lost as he did, Mulder had 
come to a new realization, all his thoughts and everything was coming into 
focus. "Don't you see Scully? It never happened" Scully couldn't believe what 
Mulder was saying, everything he had been searching for, for years all that 
he had fought for, his quest, now he was betraying everything he had ever 
believed in. "All these vision that I've had have just been to help me cope 
to help me deal with the loss but I've been looking for my sister in the 
wrong place." Scully face was almost distraught now, she could see the pain 
Mulder was going though and she couldn't help but what to help him, if only 
she knew now. "It's what my mother was trying to tell me about, that's why 
they killed her." It pained Scully to tell Mulder, but she had to "Your 
mother killed herself Mulder." Mulder just gazed back at Scully, his heart 
tearing at her every word "I conducted the autopsy." Mulder looked back at 
Scully with the gaze of a little boy, he was so caught up in everything that 
he hung on Scully's words not fully believing any of them but at the same 
time knowing that the person he had come to trust would not lie to him. "She 
was dying of an incurable disease, and untreatable and horrible disfiguring 
disease called Pagets carcinoma." Mulder just stared at Scully. He could feel 
his heart beat faster "she knew it, there were doctors records, she didn't 
want to live." Mulder couldn't stand to look at her any longer, he heard the 
truth in her voice, and saw it in her eyes and it pierced his heart. He 
looked away hoping that it would help heal the harsh truth of the situation. 
Mulder brought his hands up to his temples, he looked so relaxed, at peace 
with himself. Scully just watched him, she knew she couldn't understand all 
that he was going though but she was there. Scully saw his serenity and it 
brought her comfort. Then suddenly, as if out of now where Mulder snapped, 
springing to his feet and out of frustration shaking his desk. Scully got to 
her feet and stepped closer trying to comfort him. Scully reached out for 
Mulder's arm but he quickly jerked it away and turned to Scully angrily "She 
was trying to tell me something" he snapped. Mulder refused to believe that 
his mother would kill herself, there had to be a reason more than a disease 
that she called him. Mulder slowly fell to his knees, balling up his fists as 
tears began to stream down his face. "She wanted to tell me something" Mulder 
uttered though his sobs, hitting his fist against the coffee table he was 
kneeling by. Scully sympathized with him, she kneeled down beside him, 
purring her hand soothingly on his shoulder. In a gentle tone Scully said 
"She was trying to tell you to stop, to stop looking for your sister, she was 
just trying to take away your pain" Scully looked down at Mulder as he 
bawled, it made her want to cry to, even as she spoke her voice began to 
shake as she held back her tears. Mulder picked himself up as best he could, 
still sobbing at the thought that his mother was dead and everything else 
that had happened in the past few days. He clung to Scully, pulling her 
closer. Scully gently wrapped her arms around him, holding her sobbing 
partner, and friend close. Her emotions swelled up inside of her. Mulder 
leaned his head on her shoulder and wept and Scully leaned in closer, 
comfortingly kissing his neck. Scully couldn't hold back her tears any 
longer, they began to flow along with his. Scully wasn't even sure why she 
was crying, perhaps it was seeing Mulder so distraught, or maybe it was her 
own lover for Mrs. Mulder. Mulder felt so comfortable is Scully's arms, he 
knew that as long as he was there and she was holding him closely nothing 
could go wrong. Mulder would always have someone that loved him and would be 
there to hold him when he felt like the world had betrayed him. Mulder and 
Scully stayed there, huddled together in each others arms for what seemed 
like forever. Scully gently rocking Mulder, running her fingers though his 
hair, trying to calm his nerves, while at the same time calming her own. 
Mulder didn't want to let go, even as the moment grew longer he didn't want 
to let go, Scully was a sort of security blanket to him, at that moment, he 
needed her more than ever. Scully sat on the floor of Mulder's apartment, 
holding him tightly, within that moment Scully learned more about Mulder than 
she had in all the time they'd been together on The X Files. Silence was 
golden and Scully knew they were closer than they'd ever been, not to the 
truth about extra terrestrials but about each other. A bond had been formed 
and as they wept in each others arms it because even stronger. Scully lifted 
her head and looked at Mulder, he rose his head up to look at her and their 
eyes met, they were reading each others souls. A tender little grin crept 
across Scully's lips. Mulder looked up at Scully with the eyes of a child, 
his face stained with tears. Mulder unwrapped himself from Scully's arms and 
sat on his couch. Scully stood up and sat next to him, not letting her gaze 
leave him for a moment. Mulder reached over and took Scully's hand. Scully 
gently squeezed Mulder's hand, reassuring him that she was there. Mulder 
thoughts where still churning, he wasn't sure what to think anymore. Mulder 
had even more questions after hearing what Scully had found in her autopsy 
"Was she trying to tell me about her disease" Mulder thought to himself. 
Mulder didn't want to cry again, he knew it wouldn't solve anything. He also 
didn't like crying in front of Scully, he always wanted to be her pillar of 
strength. Mulder knew he could cry in front of her and she'd always be there 
to comfort and protect him but at the same time he hated being weak. "It's my 
fault Scully" Mulder's voice shattered the silence. Scully looked at Mulder 
with a confused expression. "Mulder.." "No, Scully, it's my fault, If I had 
called my mother I could have prevented this" Mulder had grown suddenly 
serious. "When she called me on my cell phone in the hotel room she asked me 
to call her as soon as I got home. I told her I would." Mulder lowered his 
head "I didn't. I was busy with other things, I put it off." Scully sighed 
"Mulder, don't blame yourself" "I didn't call. She had something to tell me 
and I blew it off, There was something important she wanted or needed to tell 
me, now I'll never know because I was too ignorant" Mulder's tone began to 
grow angry "If I had called her she might still be alive. What if she was 
going to tell me about Samantha? I would have finally found the truth that 
I've been searching for. What if she wanted to express to me her last good 
byes?" Mulder looked up at Scully helplessly. Scully caught Mulder's eye 
briefly before he looked away. Scully put her arm around Mulder, still 
keeping hold of his hand. "She only wanted to stop your pain.." Scully 
whispered soothingly into Mulder's ear. Mulder sat up and stared into space. 
Mulder's mind was filled with thoughts and he didn't know where any of them 
belonged. "This must make since some how. Why doesn't anything fit?" voices 
and memories echoed though his mind, flashing and then dropping back into the 
swirling recesses of his mind. Scully looked at Mulder, she couldn't find 
words. Scully always wanted to be there for Mulder and to comfort him when it 
seemed the world had turned it's back and now, all she could do was sit there 
with her arms around him, and she prayed that it was enough. Scully dared not 
speak, even though she had so many things she wanted to say, every moment was 
a chance at changing Mulder forever, she hated taking leaps of faith. Scully 
had always been carefully calculated and planed, at times like this she felt 
so uncomfortable. With a sigh Scully began to speak "When my father died, he 
appeared to me, I saw him and then my mother called and told me that he had 
died. I didn't know what was going on. There was so much I wanted to know, 
and now, he wasn't there to ask. It was hard, but I had to look inside myself 
and the people around me to find out what my father would have liked me to 
know. If I ever had a question, I answered with my heart and I knew he'd be 
proud and support me" Mulder looked at Scully almost puzzled "you need to 
understand your heart, what you're searching for, and why the people around 
you care. I know your mother would be there for you no matter what you chose 
to do, and I'll be here no matter what." Scully smiled sincerely. Mulder 
thought about Scully's words for a long time, he knew that she was there for 
him and that her loyalty wouldn't falter but still, even in her support, 
there was so much he couldn't explain. Scully was right, he needed to figure 
out where everything belonged, and why he was there. He needed to find out 
what he was going with his life, and exactly where everyone fit in. Mulder 
glanced at Scully. Scully had her eyes closed and a calm smile graced her 
lips. Mulder wondered what she was thinking about, he wondered about what was 
inside her mind a lot. Scully slowly opened her eyes and they met with 
Mulder, for a moment their souls had linked and they understood each other. 
Mulder knew Scully couldn't do anymore for him right now, he needed to think 
"Scully, go to sleep, you need it." Mulder said kindly "I'm not leaving 
Mulder" Scully said almost stubbornly. "You sleep in my room if you want" 
Mulder said Scully nodded, and stood up. Scully looked down at Mulder, who 
was still sitting on the couch, she gently rubbed his shoulder and walked 
into his room. For awhile Mulder stared off into space. Questions still 
filled his mind, but as the moments past the answers became clearer. Mulder 
rose from the couch and walked over to the bedroom door. Mulder watched 
Scully, she was peacefully drifting off into a peaceful sleep. Seeing Scully 
so peaceful brought a lump to Mulder's throat, Scully had been though so much 
because of him, and now, even during a time when it wasn't easy for either of 
them, Scully still could be at peace. Mulder walked quietly to the side of 
the bed.  Without even thinking, he leaned over, tenderly pulling the covers 
around Scully. It made his heart skip a beat when he saw a soft smile creep 
across her face. Mulder leaned over gently kissing her forehead and walked 
back into the living room. Mulder walked into his kitchen and opened his 
refrigerator. Mulder picked up a carton of orange juice and checked the 
expiration date "Oct 13" the label read. "same as the last time you checked 
it." Mulder thought to himself has his chucked it carelessly back into his 
refrigerator. Mulder shut the door and walked back to his answering machine, 
he just looked down at it, he wanted to reach out and hear the message again, 
but he knew he didn't want to experience the pain anymore, but he couldn't 
bare to erase it either. Mulder stood up and walked over to his fish tank, 
opening up the bottle of fish food and sprinkling it over the water. The 
goldfish began swimming frantically to the top of the tank. "If only it were 
that easy, everything being given to you." Mulder thought almost bitterly, 
but he knew it was foolish of him, they were fish, he almost laughed at the 
radicalsness of it. Mulder looked back at the answering machine, instead of 
fixating on the buttons his eyes caught the picture of him and his sister. 
His eyes didn't move an inch as he walked closer to it. Mulder sat down in 
the chair and picked up the picture. He stared at it intently, as if it were 
going to show him all the answers his mind had been asking. There had to be a 
reason why everything had happened the way it did. Mulder still was without 
answers, he carefully set down the picture and walked back over to his couch 
sitting down and picking up the file that was on his coffee table. Mulder 
opened it and looked at a picture of the La Piear family. Scully was right, 
he'd gotten way to close to this case, the bureau had tried and so had he but 
he wouldn't kid himself any longer. Mulder knew he had to leave the case. 
Mulder let out a sigh, closing the case file he set it back down on the table 
and walked once again to the door of his bedroom. Mulder stood in the doorway 
looking at his sleeping partner. She was curled up on his bed, wrapped in the 
sheets. Although Mulder's night hadn't been easy, neither had Scully's. 
Scully worked so hard keeping Mulder sane, he was almost surprised that she'd 
stayed loyal to him for so many years. Mulder was exhausted, he walked to the 
other side of the bed, being careful not to wake up Scully he climbed into 
bed, pulling up the covers gently. Mulder didn't even have to try, he'd 
fallen asleep. 

    The next morning Scully was awoken by a knock at the door, she looked 
over and saw a slumbering Mulder next to her. Scully got up, putting on her 
shoes, but completely forgetting about the jacket she'd taken off the night 
before and walked to the door. When Scully opened it, she found Assistant 
Director Skinner in front of her. "Hi." Her heart jumped for a moment as she 
thought of the possibilities, she hoped he wouldn't jump down her throat for 
being at Mulder's apartment at such an early hour without bureau 
authorization, she knew it was braking policy, but due to the previous nights 
events Scully wasn't about to leave Mulder with her comfort. "Hi." Scully 
said with a shocked expression on her face. "How is he?" Skinner said calmly 
looking past Scully, to see if Mulder was on his couch. "It's been a hard 
night for him" Scully replied "Billy La Piear is asking for him, she says he 
won't talk to anybody else but Mulder." Skinner said "It's not up to..." 
Scully stopped speaking. Mulder walked up behind her. "What is it?" Mulder 
asked "This case has heated up. I've booked two flights for us." Skinner 
answered in a calm tone. Scully looked up at Mulder, she knew that he would 
go, despite anything he'd said, or thought the night before. Mulder didn't 
say a word, he just turned and walked back into the bedroom. Scully wasn't 
going to leave Mulder, not after the previous night. "You better book three" 
Scully replied