Date: Sat, 06 Sep 1997 19:08:20 -0600 From: Cheryl Consten Subject: First of three parts! DISCLAIMER: Okay, I know... Scully and Mulder aren't mine. But geez, Chris! Can I please use them? Just this once! Oh, okay, I have to say it: Scully, Mulder, Skinner and all other characters from our favorite show belong to Chris Carter, 1013, and FOX. Now can I use them? Oops! I almost forgot! No copyright infringement intended! Nooooooow can I write my story? Thanks, Chris! RATING: I suppose it would have to be PG.-13, because there are some adult situations and such. (It IS a shipper story, what do you expect?? =) KEY WORDS: M/S romance... Character seriously traumatized. (sorry!) SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully have a HUGE fight, and amidst his anger, Mulder blames everything that has happened to both of them on her. He tells her that their relationship is over, and she should hand in her resignation slip. She is left to deal with the situation, but for the first time, Mulder isn't there to hold her as she cries. Okay! Let's do it! OH! But first, I have to thank all of my absolutely GREAT friends in the X-Philers chat room on WBS. Thanks everybody, I appreciate it! (((((((((((((ALL OF YA!))))))))))))) I'M SENSITIVE Mulder and Scully sat in their basement office, arguing over a case, as usual. "Mulder, you know that your theories are nowhere near rational. Please, we are both tired, just admit your wrong!" His face was steaming. "No, Scully. Don't do this to me, okay? You are the one that is completely irrational!" Her jaw dropped, because she, and Mulder too, knew he didn't have any idea what he was talking about. "Mulder..." He cut her off. "No, Scully! Not this time! Don't try to give me your `Everything can be explained right here in this science book' crap! Okay? Is that okay?" This was definitely more heated than usual. "Mulder, please, I don't want to fight tonight. One of us is going to end up hurt. Please, please, let's go home and cool down, all right?" Mulder could see the pain in her eyes, but he didn't care. "Hurt? Somebody is going to get hurt? You have never cared about that before! God, Scully! What are you saying? Your not responsible for anything that has ever happened to us? Damn girl! Why do they send idiot girls to do men's jobs? You idiot! You screwed everything up!" Scully's eyes were brimmed with tears. He was really over-doing it this time. "Mulder, that isn't what I said! Please! Do I have to ask again? I don't see how you could even fathom me thinking that! I have cancer! I have cancer, and it is my fault! All my fault! Your sister's abduction was my fault! Is that what you wanted to hear?" She immediately knew she had ventured too deep into his emotional waters. "SCULLY!" He screamed. "What the hell are you talking about? Of course it's your fault!" Her face went pale, and a lone tear made it's way down the curve of her cheekbone. "God, Scully! You always have a way of screwing things up! I don't need this! It's OVER! I really think you should send in your letter of resignation. I don't want to see you for a long, long time!" Then came the part that hurt the worst. "You can die ALONE!" At that, he ran out of the room, slamming the door behind him. "Muuuuulder! No! Please, d-don't l-leav-ve me like th-th-this!" She sobbed at the closed door. She sat at her desk for a long time, re-playing what he said over and over in her mind. "You can die ALONE!" Each time bringing forth fresh tears and new sobs. Finally, around 7:30, she decided she was okay to drive home. FOX MULDER'S APARTMENT 11:26 PM LATER THAT NIGHT He paced back and forth, one of his "videos" playing on mute on the television. "It was her fault! Everything! Samantha is gone because of her!" His heart didn't believe that. But at this point, it was his mind and his emotions and hormones that were controlling him. I can't believe her! I can't believe it! All of those lies I suffered through! All her! She WAS a spy! I knew it from the beginning! Damn you, Scully! Damn you! He began to cry. Not because his sister was gone, not because Scully had cancer, not because his mother hated him, but because he felt sorry for himself. Little Fox Mulder felt sorry for himself. Damn Scully! I would be happy now if it weren't for her! God! What did I do to deserve this? What? His phone rang. Brrrrrring! Brrrrrring! He walked over and looked at his caller ID. It read: Dana Scully. He rolled his eyes, and went to sit on the couch. Meanwhile, his partner lay on her bed, crying, cradling the un-answered phone on her shoulder. DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT 11:49 PM ON THE PHONE WITH MULDER She lay on her bed, crying, cradling her cordless on her shoulder. "Please Mulder! Pick up!" She choked out into the receiver. She hung up in defeat, not wanting to leave a message sounding like she did: desperate. She went to her stereo, and picked out "Jewel." She put it on random play. Sure enough, #9, "I'm Sensitive" just happened to be the first song. Scully sighed, and thumped back down on her bed, swallowing the lump in her throat. I was thinking that I might fly today, just to disprove all of the things that you say. It doesn't take a talent to be mean, Your words can crush things that are unseen. So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way. You always tell me that it's impossible to be respected and be a girl. Why's it gotta be so complicated? Why you gotta tell me that I'm hated? Please be careful with me, I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way. I was thinking that it might do some good, to rob the cynics, and take all their food. Cause then what they believe will have taken place, and we can give it to people who have some faith. Please be careful with me, I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way. I have this theory that if we're told were bad, then that's the only idea that we'll ever have. But maybe if we are surrounded in beauty, Someday we will become what we see. `Cause anybody can start a conflict, it's harder yet, to disregard it. I'd rather see it from another angle, we are all everyday angels. So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way. At that, Scully rolled onto her stomach, face dug into her pillow, and cried some more. Then, she decided to place a call to her mother. She picked up her cordless, (which was wet with her tears, as was everything else on her bed) and dialed the number. "Hello?" Her tears subsided a bit at the comforting sound of her mother's voice. "Hi, Mom." She heard a gasp on the other line. "Dana, honey? Oh, what's wrong, dear?" Dana began to cry again. "Oh, Mom! Mulder and I had a terrible fight t-today! He told me i-it was ov-ver, and th-that I could d-die alone! Mom, he s-said that it's over!" She could hear her mother sniff back the tears of sorrow for her distraught daughter. "Oh, honey! I'm sure Fox didn't mean it! He was just tangled in his own madness, and couldn't find a way to get out! Have you called him?" Dana hiccuped. "Yes, but he wouldn't answer. Mom, he's not even speaking to me! What am I going to do? I can't live without him!" Her mom fought to stifle the tears that were threatening her, and she failed miserably. "Honey, you have always been so strong! It earned you such respect! Why have you let your strength and faith in yourself betray you now?" Scully laughed into the phone. "He called me an idiot girl! He said that, that I shouldn't be working with him, and that I screwed everything up! Did I really screw everything up, Mom?" Her mother choked out a reply. "Honey, if only your father was here. He would know just the right thing to say, Starbuck, just pray for your daddy's strength and wisdom!" Scully began to cry again, this time at the thought of her deceased father. "It's OK, mom, really. I am starting to feel a little nauseous, because of crying so much. I'll call you later, okay?" Her mother sighed. "Okay, dear. I think I can take your word for it. You sure you don't want me to come by your apartment?" Scully gave her the classic line. "I'm fine, mom. I will be okay, really. Thanks for your help, I appreciate it." They exchanged good-byes and I-love-you's. A wave of nausea overtook Scully. "This is all I need!" She said, as she barely made it to the bathroom. Her entire lunch of chicken salad and root-beer ended up becoming a Picasso against her porcelain toilet. "Oh, geez. Look at me, little Dana Scully, can't even deal with one little thing. She just has to vomit to solve her problems!" She said, wallowing in self-pity. "Well, I guess I should do something for revenge, or something. Maybe I'll do something to really get Mulder feeling bad. Yeah, that will keep me from losing the rest of my meal!" she smiled to cover up her pain. She cleaned herself up, took a cold shower and sat down in her sweats and the Knicks tee-shirt Mulder had given her. It was just the first thing I pulled out of my drawer! She re-assured herself. She had a tape of her Jewel CD in one hand, and a watch box in the other hand. She had taped Jewel's I'm Sensitive onto the tape, so maybe Mulder would realize just how bad he made her feel. She put the tape into the box, put the box into a manila envelope, and wrote: Dear Mulder, I just wanted to give you this. If you won't accept my phone calls, just listen to this. It says pretty much all that I wanted to say to you, and it isn't my voice. I'd like to thank you, because you made me lose my lunch. You saw how I really didn't like that chicken salad sandwich, and now I don't have it in my system any more! So, there are two things you made me realize today. One: Maybe I'm not your best friend like I thought I was. Two: My tummy doesn't agree with chicken salad. Again, thank you. Scully She smiled in approval, and walked out the door to drop her present off at Mulder's house. I'm sure he'll appreciate it! After all, he crushed my heart and I'm STILL giving him gifts! She thought with a sad smile. PART II OF "I'M SENSITIVE!" ENJOY IT! FOX MULDER'S APARTMENT 6:14 AM THE NEXT MORNING Mulder had slept like a log. He just thought about how he would never have to deal with her again. It made him very, unhealthily, scarily happy. He woke up, thoughts of a nice breakfast in his head. But, he thought, first I am going out for a walk. Nothing to worry about. He opened his door, and barely avoided stepping on the small envelope lying there innocently on the carpet. He picked it up, and knew from the hand-writing, that it was Scully. "When was she hear?" He asked himself, a little too loudly. One of his neighbors opened their doors to shush him. He reluctantly went back inside his apartment, and opened the envelope. She gave me a watch? He thought, just before he realized that there was something else in the box. It was a tape. The small box for writing simply said, "what I feel." He decided to read the note before popping in the tape. He read it, his face looking more and more guilty after every line. When he was finished, he silently walked over to his cassette-player and put the tape in and pressed play. He listened carefully to the lyrics, knowing that that was Scully's final wish for him. When the song was over, tears were quickly running down his cheeks. He rubbed them away, and went to the phone. Just before picking up the receiver, he thought twice. If she wants to communicate through song, then so be it. I am now sorry for what I said. I think I have the perfect song for her. He went to his CD case and plucked out No Doubt. He put in the CD and began to record "Don't Speak." You and me, we used to be together, everyday together, always. I really feel that I'm loosen my best friend, I can't believe that this could be the end. It looks as though, your letting go, and if it's real, well I don't want to know. Don't speak, I know what your saying, so please stop explaining, Don't tell me `cause it hurts, Don't speak, I know what your thinking, and I don't need your reasons Don't tell me cause it hurts. Our memories, they can be inviting, but some are altogether, mighty frightening. As we die, both you and I, with my head in my head in my hands, I sit and cry. Don't speak, I know what your saying, so please stop explaining, don't tell me `cause it hurts,. Don't speak, I know what your thinking, and I don't need your reasons, don't tell me `cause it hurts. It's all ending, I gotta stop pretending who we are... You and me, I can see us dying... Are we? Don't speak, I know what your saying, so please stop explaining, don't tell me `cause it hurts, don't speak, I know what your thinking and I don't need your reasons, don't tell me `cause it hurts. He sighed, and put the tape in the same box. He wrote a note to go with it. My dear Dana, I am so sorry for what I put you through. Oh my god, you have no idea how sorry I am! If you can, find it in your heart to forgive me. I have enclosed this song as a reply to the one you sent me. I apologize for saying all of those horrible things to you. I just I had to blame somebody, but I didn't know anybody specifically. I am so sorry. If you can forgive the cruel sins that I have forced upon you, meet me at Rose's All Night Deli on 19th Street at 9:00 tonight. Please Scully, do it for me. No, do it for you. Do it for us. Save us, Scully, please, save us. Fox With that, he put a rose in the envelope, and left for her apartment. DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT 8:19 AM LATER THAT MORNING Mulder was very quiet not to wake Scully when he put the envelope on her doorstep. He knocked, to the tune of "trust no one" and ran quietly down the stairs. She came to the door, her eyes red and puffy. It was clear that she didn't get much sleep, and she didn't want anybody to see her that way. She opened the door just a crack, her .44 Smith and Wesson on the table next to her. "Hello?" She peeked out. She saw no-one, so she instinctively looked down. Fresh tears came when she saw her name written in his scrawly handwriting. "Oh, Mulder, what is it this time?" She brought her package inside and set it on the table. She opened the envelope and saw a new tape. The writing box said "Forgiveness?" And she smiled sadly. She read the note, and sat sobbing at her kitchen table for a long time before she put the tape into the deck. She pressed play, and was immediately greeted with the familiar pop voice of No Doubt. She listened closely to the lyrics, only crying harder after each word. Luckily she hadn't eaten since the incident the previous night, so this time the nausea was only that. She considered going to the Deli. She decided to go, and to talk to her beloved Mulder. After all, she couldn't go through this without him. She couldn't die alone. She began to get herself ready for the night to come. She showered, got on a long, baby-blue velvet dress. She tied up her hair with an ebony ribbon, and put black pearls around her neck. It hugged her curves, and made her look strikingly beautiful. Is this really the look I'm going for? She asked herself. She decided to just go with it, maybe her beauty could help her out this evening. One more reason Mulder should take her back. FOX MULDER'S APARTMENT 5:43 PM THAT AFTERNOON Mulder had his heart set on that evening. He got out one of his best suits. It was an ebony colored Armani that his mother had given him a few years back. That was before she found out I traded Samantha for Dana. He thought, a new pang of pain struck his heart. He chose and ironed one of his best shirts, and picked out his best tie, one that Scully had never seen before. It was a pale blue, with a few swirls of navy flowing through it. He was saving it for a special evening. He remembered wearing on one of his dates with Phoebe. That bitch. He thought, with a disgusted look. When he was finished combing his hair, he got ready to go out. No way was he going to talk to Scully at Rose's Deli. He had told the manager to give a short, beautiful redhead that would show up around 9:00, a message. It would say that he is at the Hilton hotel, in room 1013. That would be a nice, private place to discuss their situation. What a situation. I sure dug myself into one helluva deep hole, didn't I! He thought with a guilty smile. With that thought still in his head, he left for the hotel. He had to get everything ready so it was perfect for his partner, and best friend. Ex-best friend if he didn't do this right. PART III!!!!!!!!! PART III (Will everything get fixed? Read on!) ROSE'S ALL NIGHT DELI 8:55 PM THAT EVENING Scully walked in, and scanned the low-budget restaurant. She was soon approached by a short, stocky man that sort of resembled the owner on TAXI. "Ah yoo Dana Scuwwy?" She smiled at his deep Brooklyn drawl. "Yes, sir I am. Can I help you?" He looked back at her and grinned a smile that was missing about three teeth. "Yeth, ma'am! A man by thu name uf Fox Muwder cawed here about free hours ago. He thaid that he wanted you to go ta room 1013 at thu Hilton. Said it was real impowtant. S'that okay?" He smiled at her again. "Yes sir, and thank you." He nodded, then waddled off in the direction of the kitchen. She smiled weakly to herself, and turned to leave. She arrived at the Hilton at about 9:25. She asked the clerk if there was anyone renting room 1013 that evening. "Yes, ma'am. A Mr. Fox Mulder. Is he expecting you? Oh! Are you Ms. Dana Scully?" The young man asked politely. "Yes, I am. May I go up?" He smiled, and took her arm. He led her to the elevator. "I think I can take it from here. Thank you very much." He left, tipping his hat. She pushed the elevator button to floor 34. She was jolted as the old thing kicked into gear. A thousand things rushed through her head at once. She felt sick again, and she was worried. The elevator dinged level 34 about five minutes later. The doors opened. Scully took a deep breath, and willed herself out. She walked over to the room marked 1013. Underneath, it said "PRIVATE". She knocked to the tune of "trust no 1". Mulder opened the door a crack, and poked his head out. He opened the door wide when he saw it was Scully. "Come on in, Scully." He said quietly. Scully concluded that he had just been crying. Her heart ached. "Thanks." She said, and she walked in to the huge room. She went to sit on the bed. It was an extra-large king size. On the ceiling above it was a heart shaped mirror. What exactly is he trying to do? She thought with a smirk. "So. Hmmm. How have you been, Scully?" She immediately began to sob. It was a reaction like a horse hearing the starting gun. "Oh, God." Mulder said. He fell to his knees, and cried. They sat crying for about ten minutes, until Scully broke the silence. "M-Mulder?" He looked up, at her tear stained face. "What have I done to you, Scully? I give you cancer, then make you die alone?" She broke out in fresh tears at the memory of his harsh words. "No! No, Mulder! D-Don't! Please, j-just stop blaming p-people! Especially yourself." She stood up and walked towards him. "Do you know how I felt when you told me to die alone? It was like somebody cut out my heart, then decided to stuff it back in, but upside-down. My heart was broken, Mulder. You shattered every emotion I had. My compassion, and my passion alike. All destroyed. It was the epitome of sorrow. And you did it. You, Mulder. The ultimate betrayal. You did it out of the pain you were suffering. You inflicted more guilt upon me than I have ever had before. I was sick, Mulder. I was so sad, I was physically ill. Sad doesn't even begin to describe the way I was feeling. I need you, Mulder. I can't make it without you! God damnit, I love you! I love you! What the hell did you do that for? I love you, and this is the way you repay me? By breaking my heart? Melissa was right, love equals hate. I always hoped I would never find that true. Thank you, Mulder, for disproving my hopes. Thanks a lot." Tears flowed down her cheeks, and she fell to the floor. In a heap of sobs. "Oh! God! What have I done? What the hell have I done? I, I killed you! I hurt you worse than anyone has ever hurt me! To the only person I care about, this is what I do. Can you ever, ever forgive me?" She gained the strength to look up at him. "I love you, Mulder. I love you very much. I will forgive you, but will you forgive me?" He gaped at her. "Forgive you? Forgive you for what? What could you possibly have done to need forgiveness?" He began to cry, but silently, as if full of anguish and guilt. Like a little boy in trouble. "I, I made you cry. I brought back memories that should have never been retrieved! Look what I degraded you to, Mulder! Just look at yourself!" He looked into her shining eyes, and saw the forgiveness that he had hoped for with all of his heart. He reached out his hands, and stroked her hair. She crawled over to him, and they sat their, holding each other, for hours. Together. Forever. They had found the truth. Inside of each other. THE END! XXXXXXXX xxxxxxxxxx XXXXXXXX