From: Assling@aol.com
Date: Fri, 2 Jun 2000 15:11:14 EDT
Subject: I'm the Man Who Murdered Love
Source: direct

title: i'm the man who murdered love
author: mikey g.w.
keywords:parody MSR Character DeathS
rating: NC-17
Summary: A man named Jake is forced to choose between life and love. Nah, I'm 
just kidding. It is soo not that. 
Disclaimer: i never disclaim anything i write! it's mine, man. except for 
scully and mulder.
Authors notes: do you really care what i think? 
feedback: peterbradyismyfriend@yahoo.com

    Somewhere in a Whoville there was a man named Jake. Actually Jake wasn't 
really a man. He was a boy in an almost-adult body. 
    Now Jake was a loner and weird. Sort of like a certain FBI agent, that we 
all know except he's considered "spooky." But what in the hell is spooky 
anyhow?
    Anyway Jake had just gotten his drver's liscense when he got his seventh 
job. His first three were at Denny's, Burger King, and House of Vacuums. He 
got fired from all three because he sucks. Especially at the House of 
Vacuums. His fourth was at a gas station but he was fired when he was working 
the late-night shift and some alien tourists came to get gas but didn't have 
any money and he gave them gas for free. Then his fifth job was a window 
washer but his window washing partner was actually a secret spy and kept 
stealing top-secret info and, of course, Jake was blamed. (There was a short 
period of two days when he had to go into hiding becuase the CIA had a hit on 
him. Thank God that's over!) Then, of course there was the dreadful job as 
nude model for photographers in Alaska. Long story short, moody photographers 
aren't very understanding of cold temperatures.
    Now Jake's seventh job was running an info desk. He and his co-worker, 
Lo, sat at a little booth that not only gave helpful information, developed 
photos, sold little bottles of water and slushies, they alsa had a box of 
snot rags that people could use to wipe their nose. 
    Jake was so happy! He had never had a cooler job in his life. Free 
slushies and you get to see neat photos of people with cooler lives than 
yours. These are the days of your life, and Jake was certainly living it up 
in stlye.
    That is until one day Lo was murdered. 
    (dramatic music plays.) 
    Jake was late for work when she was murdered. He found her body cold, 
stiff, and looking about two weeks decayed when she was only been dead for 
about oh, twenty minutes. She was clutching a note that had a name written on 
it: FOX. 
    What was Jake to do? 
    Call the Ghostbusters!
    But, unfortunatly this is not a fanfic about them, this is an X-file. So 
Jake reluctantly called the FBI.
    It wasn't two shakes of a rattles tail that them FBI folks were out here 
poking around and make them fancy high school guesses that Momma says are the 
Devil. 
    Of course you know the two FBI agents that came to the investigation: Who 
esle but Scully and Mulder. But what is this? They have two new other agents 
with them: Agents Telly and Rockmore? What the hell? Is this a typo?
    Nah, it's just two new, wet behind the ears, agents gracing us with their 
presence. Scully and Mulder had to do a babysitting job with these. Mostly 
because no one really cares or likes them, which is crazy since they're on 
TV, man!
    Anyway man, it wasn't long before Scully and Mulder decided to have sex. 
No, I'm just kidding, they would never have sex. No, it wasn't long before 
Scully and Mulder started suspecting old Jakey boy of killing Lo.
    After about 38 minutes of show, the FBI agents chased him up to a roof. 
    Up there he explained that he accidentally killed Lo two weeks ago and 
just forgot about her. The reason she had a paper with FOX was simple. Jake 
and Lo we're having a fight over what was cooler: neon blue or neon clear. 
    Then Lo, was all like "I going to throw a Fox at you."
    And Jake was like "Bring it on!"
    But then Lo remembered that she threw a fox last week at the battle of 
Ricky Martin: Homosexual or just plain flambouyant. 
        Scully and Mulder were about to arrest him when the two new agents 
decided to go for the kill. Jake threw them off the building and they died, 
thus making this a character death. But no one really is going to be sad 
since we just introduced these two characters.
    Then Jake himself jumped off the building screaming: "I'm the man who 
murdered Lo!"
    "What the hell did he say?" Scully asked.
    "I think he said he's the man who murdered love."
    "That makes no sense."
    "I know. So let's go have sex." 
    "I'm game."
    Then Scully and Mulder fucked and told each other they love one another 
and they also ate Skinner for no reason at all. And so this is an NC-17 and a 
MSR, plus another character death. 
    God I love fanfic. Even when I'm trying to write anything at all just 
something so stupid and completely time-wasting and mind-numbing. But then, 
isn't all fanfic time-wasting? Of course everything I do is time-wasting!

END...? no it's really the end.