From vstachou@sun.iwu.edu Sun Feb 16 11:28:33 1997 I'm Watching My Heart by Spooky (vstachou@sun.iwu.edu) Rating:PG Classification:V, MSR Spoilers:Momento Mori Summary: Scully reflects on her life after receiving news from Mulder Disclaimer: All characters from the X-files are used without permission of anyone who has ownership of them. We all know who they are. Nuff Said. The song I'm Watching My Heart is by Vance Gilbert, and is also used without permission. Authors Notes: This is only the second thing I've posted, so all comments are appreciated. Flames used to melt the snow we got last night. I've posted all of the lyrics to the song at the end, since they're integrated into the story as dialogue. And some people who've read this think it is sad. So you might want a kleenex, just in case. ************* I'm Watching My Heart The Doctor said that I have to stay one more night. To be sure that the worst of the side effects from the chemo are gone. I'm a big girl. I'm a doctor for gosh sakes. I don't need everyone hovering at my side. And everyone listened to me. Except you. You wouldn't budge; sat in that chair like someone had superglued you down. Just watching. Waiting. Telling me everything I ever needed to know about how you feel with one single look. How that look scares me. It's like you've put me up on some pedestal. Now I'm the one responsible for your happiness. For your life. I can't be your guardian angel. I can barely watch over myself. you're wasting your dreams and your wishes on me when they should be for somebody else. They should be for someone who'd do more than listen. I'm holding your hand but I'm out at arm's length. I'm hearing you tell me your story. You're telling your story. I'm watching my heart. That's the problem. I don't have that much time left. I can hear you saying that I can't give up hope, that I have to believe. But in my heart I have to face the truth. The fact that Dana Scully isn't going to be in this life much longer. You squeeze my hand in your sleep. Can you tell how I'm feeling? Or is it just the discomfort of that chair, sleeping holding the pillow with one hand and my hand with the other. There's a streetlight that shines in the window as you sleep unaware through the night. I could sit here and watch you for hours and hours. You're holding that pillow, your face in the light. A fine time to whisper 'I love you', you can't hear me. I'm holding your hand but I'm out at arms length. I'm hearing you tell me your story. YOu're telling your story. I'm watching my heart. Whispers of our love are all that we'll ever have. But after hearing you tonight tell me about the clinic, I've made a decision. Your words rushed around in my head until they settled with certainty. After I'm gone I want you to take my ova and I want for us to have a child. You'll have to find a birthmother, probably some tall thin brunette. But I don't care. I know that you'll make a wonderful father, no matter how much the idea has always scared you. And of course, mom will be there to help. I wish I could be there too. But I can't. It's like you once said. It's not about personal choice, it's about fate. And fate has decided that this will be the end. At least this time around. But I'll make you a promise, Fox Mulder. I'll be your guardian angel forever. The End I'm Watching my Heart by Vance Gilbert I can't be your guardian angel I can barely watch over myself You're wasting your dreams and your wishes on me When they should be for somebody else They should be for someone who'd do more than listen I'm holding your hand but I'm out at arms length I'm keeping my distance I'm hearing you tell me your story You're telling your story, I'm watching my heart There's a streetlight that shines in your window As you sleep unaware through the night I could sit here and watch you for hours and hours You're holding your pillow your face in the light A fine time to whipser I love you, you can't hear me I'm holding your hand but I'm out at arms length I'm keeping my distance I'm hearing you tell me your story You're telling your story, I'm watching my heart Every lullaby that I've ever heard Been somebody singing trying to get me to sleep Now I'm old and I'm restless ain't nobody singing And there's no guarantee I'd listen if they did I'm kissing your face in the morning I'm handing your towel to you through the door I'm doing the breakfast dishes, I'm wearing your robe, It don't fit, we're laughing I'm driving this daydream I'm halfway to Jersey I'm holding your hand but I'm out at arm's length I'm keeping my distance, I'm hearing you tell me your story You're telling your story, I'm watching my heart Ok, that's everything. This hhit me and I wrote it really fast. So I hope it works. Spooky ***** vstachou@sun.iwu.edu http://www.iwu.edu/~vstachou ***** The random quote of the week: One cannot see truth. At most one can only be truth.