From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org Date: Tue, 28 Mar 2000 23:45:36 -0600 Subject: In My Mind\'s Eye by Daisy M. Tillman Source: direct Reply To: SansMerci3@Yahoo.com Date Sent: Wed, 29 March 2000 From: Dmtillma@wam.umd.edu Subject: In My Mind's Eye - FTF Insight Title: In My Mind's Eye- FTF Insight Author: SansMerci3 E-Mail: dmtillma@wam.umd.edu Rating: G Spoilers: Fight The Future (If you haven't seen the movie, this is lost on you.) Classification: Mulder and Scully UST, MSR Summary: The thoughts of the two agents has they meet at the reflecting pool post-Antartica. This is my account of their conversation. Feedback: Ladies and Gentleman, please feel free to delude me with a thousand comments of constructive criticism (but I plea with you, be gentle, this is my first time...no pun intended.) Disclaimer: Well, Let me just say, only in a perfect world would I lay claim to the creation of two of the world's most compelling characters. But Alas, they are the pride and joy of Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and Fox. (Lucky Bastards.) Distribution: I don't know what archiving is per say, but since every fanfic writer requests it, I think I ought to ride the bandwagon. All I ask is that my name and e-mail remain attached, S'il vous plait. Notes: In case I am ever so fortunate, I just want the originator of Fanfic to know; the concept is absolutely inspired! It is a wonderful thing you have started-allowing those of us, (who may be otherwise viewed as X-Files obsessed) who really are involved in the plot of the show, an outlet with which we may express and analyze our thoughts creatively. To me, you are a hero in your own right. Thank you. (Okay, no more sucking up..) And now, my feature presentation! Enjoy the story! Since their return from Antarctica, Mulder and Scully had not seen each other. Skinner had told them to take some much needed time off and recoup after their ordeal, and they were grateful. However, since their departure from FBI Headquarters, and their heart to heart by the Reflecting Pool, the two agents hadn't spoken to one another. Scully had gone before OPR and told them of her and Mulder's ordeal to the letter- of the abduction, the secret experiments with bees, and transgenic crops- and had spared no details as to her findings. Reddened and drawn, she adjourned to the reflecting pool to meet her partner. This spot had become their own special meeting place, where they often met to discuss subjects too private, or intimate for the office. To date, the conversation the agents had there that sunny afternoon had been the most powerful, heightened by emotion and symbolism. In the past, they had had their special moments; in the car during the Tooms case, in the hallway of the hospital after Penny died- but none more significant than this. Its was the moment that they renewed their faith in one another. This talk seeped of Mulder's overwhelming guilt for his partner's tribulations to this moment, and Scully's compassion, strength of conviction and dedication to her partner, for he had saved her life once more from the most dire of circumstances. Out of utter remorse and frustration, Mulder had told her, "I'm not going to watch you die, Scully, not for some hollowed, personal cause of mine." More reluctantly, but with as much conviction he added, "Go be a doctor, go be a doctor while you still can." A bittersweet plea for her life. Scully had heard every word. They had stilled her inside and out, just as the words he had spoken to her that fateful night in the hallway of his apartment building just days before. Ironically, in their intensity and desperation, these two confessions had been the same. In the hallway, however, Mulder had pleaded with her to stay. "I'm not sure if I wanna do this alone, I don't even know if I can." Mulder hated to say the words. He knew that he would never forgive himself, nor would he be able to continue his search for the truth, if the woman who had become his anchor were lost. Nonetheless, he had weighed his options: A life of misery without her, forced by senseless tragedy, or questing in solitude, with Scully living her life safe and sound, away from immediate danger. By the blinding glare of the reflecting pool, but covered by the shade of the oak tree they stood under, he now pleaded with Scully to leave him, abandon him, in order to preserve her life. And, despite his own need, and desire, for her to remain with him. "Mulder, I'll be a doctor, but my work is here with you now...." It was Mulder's turn to be bemused. He had stood before her and given her an out, permission to vanquish her standing by his side. Scully understood, and she regaled in the nobility of the gesture, but she thwarted it all the same. She knew Mulder, and after 5 years together, she also knew his heart as well. Words may be spoken, but eyes don't lie, and Mulder's were no exception when it came to Scully. "Look, if I quit now, they win." The words were familiar, as was the context, and she was aware of that. It was an unspoken urging, beckoning him recall what he had said to her that night, supported by a gesture from her eyes. ("Remember..") Still, having said the words truest from her heart, Scully could feel his lack of certainty hovering about them, like heat radiating from a fueling fire. Perhaps sensing the words hadn't been enough, Scully decided his strengthen the intent meant by her remarks, responding with a gentle touch. Never relinquishing eye contact, she gently, yet firmly, grasped her partner's hand. Her touch had instantly closed the argument. No more words needed be spoken. Mulder was convinced now, as was Scully. She had taken the step for them, and another wall had perished be, in the wake of their rejuvenated connection, an unspoken agreement to continue together. Although their mouths remained shut, their flair for the unexpressed was flowing in droves (they were famous for it within the bureau). Warmth, and understanding, truth and devotion all passed between them in seconds as they gazed at one another for that brief moment in time. They took that little time, and made it last; they rarely had moments like these to just relax in each others' presence without fear of being interrupted or chased, evading the conspiracy. But as quickly as it came, the moment subsided, and the agents adjourned from their place, still clinging hands, not yet wanting to break their physical connection. Though, even as they did, no discomfort or offense came of it; they knew that was the only bond of theirs which could ever, would ever be severed.