From: mgreten Date: Mon, 18 Dec 2000 10:03:30 -0800 Subject: IN OTHER CONTEXT: And The Winner Is... by Mary Greten Source: direct Disclaimer: NO infringement on ANYONE's copyrights is intended. Loc's appreciated and answered: mgreten@xtalwind.net Spoilers: Myth arc Season 7 post x-Cops Archive: I'll send to Gossamer. All others please inform me so I may send you its url or the latest revision. S: PG: V: Summary: A Cameraman's worse nightmare. Episodes dialogue: Chris Carter and 1013 writers IN OTHER CONTEXT: And The Winner Is... ISMS ARRANGED by Mary Greten ORIGINAL MATERIAL by Mary Greten Transcript Of Acceptance Speech from the National Society of Crime Photographers Awards Ceremony 2000 Presenter 1: "For Best Film Crew in an on-going Documentary, the winner Is..." Presenter 2: "James Masfield and Gus Porter for COPS:..." James Masfield: "Please, let me thank you for this award. Gus and I drew straws and I lost. "Seriously, we are particularly pleased with this award. "We appreciate that it is for our work over a period of time in areas of the country into which the Armed Services send their Medical Teams to hospitals for training in an environment closest to combat in peace time. "But, tonight, we want to tell you about just one night and one person. "There are three hard rules in our work. Wear the VEST. Don't get in the COPS' way. And, when they yell at you, RUN like hell. "The police car, and we in it, had just been flipped over by an entity we couldn't see as it was happening. But, moments before, when we were running for our lives, we all thought we caught a glimpse of something...that our awake minds said could not possibly be true. "Then, the cops got another call at a nearby location and we were on the run again... "...We didn't have the damnedest idea what put a bee up the FBI woman's ass. Geez, we were just doing our job. Filming "Cops". It's what we do all over the country. From North to South, New York City to Los Angeles. So, sue us. "Special Agent Scully started slinging sludge from the GetGo as she reholstered her weapon. After Sergeant Duthie confirmed she was really a Fibbie, Agent Scully threw us a spitter of a look that re- played on the scoreboard as: 'Damn! Just what I need. Another fucking problem.' "As her partner happily spieled his werewolf monster during the New moon theory, she dodged my reaction shots at every turn. She did come out from behind the ambulance doors, however, to check the bite wounds Agent Mulder found on young Deputy Wet-behind-the-ears-Zel's wrist. "Clearly, she did not believe Agent Mulder's 'hie thee to a hospice, kid, cause yer done fer' nonsense, but she did not object to the bite being attended to. It was when the disbeliving Sergeant Duthie asked to see Agent Mulder's badge again that Agent Scully saw fit to come out of hiding. "She flashed Agent Mulder that saccharine, stomach sinking smile that a wife uses when her husband is about to reveal their most satisfying sex secrets to the party guests and she desperately needs to talk to her husband NOW. "We dogged the two Fibbies in a circle while she read the riot act to her partner. He thought our being there would be the end all verification of his sanity. She reminded him that he was not the only person that would look like a fool if he did not SHUT UP. "That chat, for all the world looking like a connubial spat, ended with Agent Scully phoning her boss for official permission to tell us to go to hell and Agent Mulder requesting snarkly that she accompany the deputy to the hospital in case he was right and Wetzel began to howl at the moon. "Here, is when she told us that we had no official okie dokie to be filming them. She asked us, not politely, but in no uncertain terms to leave her alone while she spoke to her supervisor. We refused and stepped closer. She put her hand on my cam lens and mouthed: 'Go ahead. Make my night. I'd love to arrest you for assault on a Federal Officer and interfering with a Federal Investigation.' "I mean to say her red hair was bristling. She was right. We did invade her personal space. We backed off. "But, to us, she was more of a mystery than the one unfolding in the house behind us. Why all the overt animosity? We were not paparazzi. We were there legitimately, with permission slips even, Teach. "I know there are people have a have fear of cameras. These are some of the ones you don't see in the School Yearbook. I've met a few when I was taking Yearbook pictures. The really valiant ones did try. Before I finished setting up, I could see the 'Flop' sweat forming and the need to heave became too real. I once looked for information about this phobia on the NET. The closest I found was 'fear of looking at oneself in the mirror'. I don't recall the medical term. We all know, too, there are some cultures will not allow pictures for fear of losing their souls to it. Even one of our Native American Nations - Navajo is it?. "She did not fit either profile. "So, she took Deputy Wetzel to the hospital. We stayed behind knowing that the hospital would not allow us there anyway. "After Agent Mulder was flumoxed by Ricky's, the Sketch artist, rendering of Freddie Kruger as the Monster of the New Lunar Cycle and not his werewolf, Agent Scully re-appeared with Deputy Wetzel in tow. "Agent Mulder admonished her for letting him come back. Like she could do something about it once the hospital personnel has said 'Get outta here, kid. You bother us.'. "We soon found out the why of his expectations. The next ominous call came in. Even though Agent Scully reluctantly admitted to her supervisor's commandment: 'The FBI has nothing to hide, and neither do we.', "she made it clear we were on our own by denying us a ride to the crime site where Ricky was attacked on his way home. "Evidently, hidden in that terse message from her supervisor was a tome of instructions not for our ears. "When we got to the site almost all became clearer...she is a Doctor. An FBI agent and a medical doctor! Once she ascertained the EMT's were on her tail and knew their business, she switched roles as easily as politicians switch parties in an election year. It was her 'find' that alerted her partner to ask who called 911 which in turn led them and Sergeant Duthie to the home of Steve and Edy. "We didn't know it. Well, we did, in general. From all the 'Cops' shows we filmed, these professionals even in the direst of situations find their humor where they could. What we didn't know was that Sergeant Duthie was one of them. Usually, the female superiors are loathe to show their humourous side lest it be seen as a weakness or a sign of non-compassion. "Sergeant Duthie had no such qualms. She was in her element. She knew the territory and the people. "Sergeant Duthie only told the Fibbies that Steve and Edy were: 'good folks. They usually call us if there's trouble in the neighborhood.' "Agent Mulder quipped 'THE Steve and Edie??'. "I guess he referred to the Singing team performing mostly in Las Vegas since the demise of the TV Variety shows that the likes of mine replaced-except for the nightly talk shows which most of the fans of Steve and Edie could no longer stay awake for. Ironic, because Steve and Edie met on the old Steve Allen Show which was one of the pioneers of the late night shows. You learn these things when you study cinematography. "Sergeant Duthie also did not tell us that this Steve and Edy were a gay couple. "Sergeant Duthie, herself, had trouble keeping a straight face in the face of Edy's antics and Agent Mulder, we thought, crossed his legs. Only Agent Scully kept her composure and re-tracked the other two by asking if the Steve or Edie had seen Ricky's attacker. "No attacker. Just Ricky rolling around screaming in pain. The couple did identify the fingernail Agent Scully found as belonging to their friendly neighborhood addict-prostitute. "Sergeant Duthie left the agents in our care while we searched for Chantara. Agent Mulder tried to tease Agent Scully out of her 'mood', but only elicited a sardonic 'Oh. Yeah.' to his diatribe that the paranormal was notoriously hard to quantify scientifically which in and of itself was its own validation. "Sure. Gotta agree with you there, Agent Scully. You write the reports too? Right? "Agent Scully spotted Chantara who pointed us to her pimp. "We have to pat ourselves on the back here. We had the chance at a scrumptious upper body sequence of the deliciously stacked Agent Scully removing her jacket and donning her kelvar vest. But, professionals that we are, we kept our cool and captured the "bleep"ed mug of the pimp instead. Sometimes, it's the things we don't do that count. Where? We don't know. We hope to find out someday. We'd better. We want some JUSTICE. "Ahem. "So, we stormed the crack house. Doctor Scully pronounced the pimp dead for 'A few days. Maybe a week.' We didn't have time to ask why he didn't stink worse than the house by now before we were off again at the sound of gunshots. "OK, so the pimp was not the monster. So, who killed Chantara while we were gone? The Feds cooked up a theory that Steve and Edy were now an endangered species. We returned to Steve and Edy's. "When we arrived, we heard screaming from the inside. Agent Mulder plowed through the door. The agents ran in, guns drawn, only to end up mediating a lovers' quarrel. We have to give it to the agents. This was obviously not their forte. But, they handled it with aplomb - almost. The idea was to warn the couple to stay calm that this creature feeds off fear and there the couple were spritzing up a storm. "Here, we got the impression Agent Mulder is somewhat more than a wacko theorist of the weird. He actually talked the agitated Edy into a pensive state. Agent Scully, for her part, bodily blocked Steve when he attempted an apparent violent move at Edy. "Agent Mulder called a time out for us all. As a goodwill gesture, we left Agent Scully to herself on the sofa. We dared not to impose on her quiet time. Still, we wondered... "Eventually, Agent Mulder suggested that because Steve and Edie refused to be excessively frightened by the possibility of a 'monster'coming for them that the 'monster', therefore, would not bother them. "Say what? "I looked to Agent Scully MD to get some gauge of her partner's sanity. She exhibited no emotion save when another of our crew showed up outside with Deputy Wetzel as we were leaving. 'Oh, God. More of you?' "Would there be no end to her dislike of us. Wha'd we do? "She quickly volunteered to the autopsy on Chantara. Not to prove Agent Mulder's theory of contagious fear per se, but to eliminate all other causes of whatever drew the monster that she could. Maybe, what's left will be the answer a la Sherlock Holmes. "Agent Mulder decided to ride patrol with Deputy Wetzel with whom he felt an affinity of sorts. That left us to our own devices or presume upon Agent Scully's less than good graces. She went around to the driver's side. We moved toward the car but did not touch it. "We never want to be on the receiving end of her glare again. Would she be using metal tools at the autopsy? We wondered because she convinced us that she could cut an incision with her eyes. "We read her perfectly. We would be on her territory. We stayed or left at her whim. Don't get in the way. And no disrespect to the body. Got it, Agent scully. Loud and clear. "I put my hand on the door. "She didn't object. Message received. We jumped in. "Dead Silence. "She did not fill up the tank. I did. So, I put it on my expense account. Sue me. "As I waited for the tank to fill, I framed Agent Scully's profile in my mind's lens. "I'm a Trekist. I've seen every episode of every series. Bother the Federation, Romulans, Klingons, Cardassions. I envy the Borg. I want a Borg prosthetic eye. More than anything else, I want to see like a camera. I reminisced about a Sci-Fi convention we attended in New York City a little over a year ago that predicted some sort of device like that soon. Sure, and if you don't mind, I'll remember to breathe. "At the county morgue, Doctor Scully's instinct honed by extensive experience ruled out any possible form of contagion. We were permitted to film the autopsy at a respectful distance. "The problem was the assistant, a superstitious person, who never stopped questioning Dr. Scully's methods and reasons. She kept ascribing the most ridiculous rationale to Dr. Scully's actions. In an effort to placate the assistant's fears, Dr. Scully reminded her that the woman on the table was murdered not a victim of the hanta virus. "Then, the assistant insisted upon knowing why Dr. Scully had unheard of preference in the morgue at 3 a.m., of all times, and why we were there filming. "Agent/Dr. Scully looked straight at camera for the first time. With a sneer thinly disguised as a smile, she mimicked her supervisor: '...Because the FBI has nothing to hide...'. 'Why did you mention the hanta virus?', the assistant demanded. "Dr. Scully's patience ran out: 'I only used it as a figure of speech. Are you going to help me or what?' "'What' was that the woman sneezed. Blood poured from her nose and in less than a minute she exhibited all the symptoms of the hanta virus. She died on the spot. "Gus and I suffered a mental blank out. Dr. Scully roused us and we called 911. "When Agent Mulder and Sergeant Duthie arrived, Dr. Scully explained decisively and excitedly that no virus on earth could kill in seconds. "Well, of course, if that were so, we wouldn't have been standing there discussing it. Would we? "From this, Agent Mulder deduced that the monster: a) took the form of each person's worst nightmare, b) could kill only if victim was mortally frightened which was why Dr. Scully was still alive. Gus and I were too stupid to be scared. c) and where the hell was Deputy Wetzel? "Deputy Wetzel was on patrol without backup - just a film crew. Within seconds we were mobilised and on our way to the last known position of Deputy Wetzel. "The rickety old house might have well been a fortress. Our two agents circled behind the house to find a back door and for it to be unlocked yet. "Damned, if we knew how they knew. "So, we entered. "The door slammed behind us. "'Wind?', wished Agent Scully. "Make it so, I prayed. "The front door still wasn't battered down. Why not, for God's sake? "We heard a door knob jiggling. "The agents shined their flash lights on it. "Agent Scully aimed her gun. "Agent Mulder opened the door revealing... "...one screeching film crew. "'Damn it!' Agent Scully cursed slamming the closet door on them. "She glared back at us and with her voice ladened with venom declared, 'I hate you guys.' "She bent over and took a moment to collect herself before she followed Agent Mulder up the stairs to save Deputy Wetzel or... the breaking dawn did. "Strangely enough. Scratch that. I don't know why I said it. That whole night had been OUR worst nightmare. Anyway, it was Doug Kline from the crew in the closet that tagged Agent Scully from a little over a year ago in New York City. "There was a rumor. "A crime scene photographer, said to be almost one hundred and fifty years old, was trying to capture 'Death Personified' on film. He was discovered to have been an escaped murder in an earlier lifetime. "An FBI agent was shot in the abdomen. The bullet went through the camera lens and the photographer before hitting the agent and lodging in the wall. "The last we heard, then, the agent was not expected to live. "But, she did. "Members of the National Society of Crime Photographers, we do appreciate your accolades and hope to continue to live up to your standards. "Thank you all again."