From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: 8 Jan 2005 01:51:01 -0000
Subject: Inner Light (NC-17) by OKayVal
Source: direct

Reply To: okayval@yahoo.com


Title: Inner Light
Author: OKayVal
Email: okayval@yahoo.com
Website: http://donnilee.tripod.com/okayval
Rating:  NC-17
Archive: Honored; just tell me where
Category: RST, Post-Ep
Pairings: Mulder/Scully
Spoilers: Darkness Falls
Disclaimer: Not mine, you know the drill.
Summary:  "A nice trip to the forest, my ass."
Scenes and post-ep for Darkness Falls

Written for Fandomonium's "Virtual Season of Smut"
Challenge. Find the rest of these great stories here:
http://www.fandomonium.com/challenges/xffics/
First%20Fandomonium%20XF%20Fic%20Challenge.htm
Thanks to Fando for a fun challenge and a champagne
toast to Tali for rescuing me yet again.

"Why can't we pantomime, just close our eyes
And sleep sweet dreams
Me and you with wings on our feet
I'm pushing an elephant up the stairs...

--R.E.M., "The Great Beyond"--

***

It felt like I had an elephant sitting on my chest. What
else could possibly be that heavy? I couldn't move,
could barely breathe. My face felt tight. I couldn't remember
the last time I was in this much pain.

I opened my eyes slowly. No elephant after all. But I was
in some sort of clear plastic tent. What kind of fucked up
circus was this? No elephants, just plastic. And white. White
sheets across my body. Not a circus after all; I was lying
in some sort of hospital bed, hooked up to an IV and oxygen.
And I was alone. Alone? Scully--where was Scully? My memory came
flooding back--swarming back, actually--and I grew cold. *Oh god*.
I tried to yell for a nurse, but all that came out was a garbled
croak. *Shit*. I fumbled around the bed for a call button.
Nothing. I yanked on the oxygen tube, trying to pull it
loose and alert someone. Visions flew into my head--finding
Humphreys cocooned inside that truck, his face frozen
into a silent scream--*No! Not Scully!* A nice trip to the
forest, my ass. What the hell had I done?

Finally someone entered the room. I assumed it was a nurse or
a doctor, but it was hard to tell who was inside the white
containment suit, their features all but hidden behind the glare
of a faceplate.

"What's wrong, Agent Mulder?" The voice crackled at me through
a speaker in the suit. I felt like I was in a scene from 'The
Andromeda Strain'.

"Scully, my partner. Where is she?" My voice was barely audible.
Agitated, I tried to get out of bed. My chest burned when I
tried to sit up, and my legs refused to cooperate.

"Agent Scully is here. Please try to stay calm, Agent Mulder."

"She's alive? Where is she?"

"Yes, she's alive." 

*Thank god*. Relief took over, and I sunk back into the pillow,
shaking. 

"I want to see her."

"You're hardly in a position to get out of bed yourself, Agent.
You inhaled a large quantity of some sort of chemical and we're
concerned about respiratory damage. Not to mention the burns.
I was just about to get your test results." 

I raised my hand to my face and felt the scratches there, then
closed my eyes and tried to force that elephant off my chest.
Move, damn it. I mustered enough strength in my aching body to
sit up.  

"I want to see Agent Scully," I said. The doctor looked at me
disapprovingly through his plastic mask but left the room.
I took a better look at my surroundings. I was apparently
in some sort of containment facility. But at least I was alive.
And Scully was alive.

The doctor returned with a portable oxygen tank and
outfitted me for my sojourn. He helped me get my reluctant
body out of the bed and I gingerly made my way across the floor
and through the sheets of plastic to find Scully.

Another tented room. Machines. More white-suited space
nurses. Two beds with figures lying sheathed in white.
The first bed held Ranger Moore; Scully was lying in the second
one. *Oh god*. Her skin was covered in scratches and burns.
Her beautiful, porcelain skin. It was becoming more difficult
not to notice her skin, or the rest of her, for that matter.
I'd recently started to have impure thoughts about my partner
and wasn't quite sure what to do about them. Scully didn't
strike me as the sort of woman who would go for a quick roll
in the hay. More importantly, I valued her as my partner. She
was tough and plucky and smart, and even though she had a hard
time believing some of my theories, she was at least willing to
listen to me. That's more respect than I got from most people.
I didn't want to do anything stupid to screw that up, but it
was getting harder to ignore my growing attraction to her.

In fact, there were moments during our little adventure
in the forest where I couldn't help but stare at her.
The casual clothes and that cute way she wore her hair made
her look more like a college student than a doctor. And that
clipped-back hairstyle allowed me a better view of her pale,
slender neck. I tried to imagine what her skin would taste
like, then mentally kicked myself for even thinking about it.

But there were also the three sleepless nights we shared
in that loggers' cabin, which had only one bedroom. I spent two
of those nights lying on a cot across the room from Scully,
listening to her soft breathing. Wondering if she was actually
asleep. Wondering what she was wearing underneath all those clothes
she was forced to sleep in because she was the lone woman sharing
an isolated cabin with several men.

On the first night, I tried to ignore Humphreys' muffled
snores and keep glancing at Scully, curled up under the
brown wool blanket on her cot. On the second night, Humphreys
had disappeared, but Spinney was there, tossing and turning
in the cot near the door. That night I caught Scully staring
at me. She quickly turned her head and hid her face in the pillow,
but her eyes shone too brightly for me not to have noticed where
their aim had been.

I pushed my fantasies aside in the morning, when the danger
grew imminent and Scully chewed me out for letting Spinney
leave with the last of our gasoline. She was upset that
I made the decision without consulting her, but I realized
later that she was also afraid.

Spinney had not returned, forcing Moore, Scully and me to spend
another night in the cabin. None of us could sleep; we stretched
out on our cots and shared an uneasy silence, staring at the
harsh glow of a lone lightbulb, the one thing we hoped was
keeping the mites away. We soon learned we were not as safe
as we'd thought; when Scully discovered some mites
crawling across her hand, she panicked, flailing her arms
around in terror and nearly shattering that lightbulb. I'd
never seen her so frightened. When I grabbed her and tried
to calm her down, she trembled in my arms. I led her to a cot at
the opposite corner of the room and sat her down.  I held her
until she stopped shaking and insisted she was fine. I could
still sense her fear and embarrassment but I released her anyway.

I knew we'd never get any sleep, so I remained seated next to
Scully on the cot to wait out the dark night with her. We spoke
in soft whispers and she sat very close to me, her body warm
against my side. When she shifted slightly, I felt the unmistakable
curve of her breast graze against my arm, even through the baggy
shirt and vest that concealed it. I tried to ignore the spark of
arousal caused by that small touch and concentrate on what Scully
was saying. I turned my head to hear her better and found her mouth
just inches from mine. Her lips were parted slightly; without
thinking, I brushed them with a kiss, gentle at first, and then
more firmly when she did not pull away. In fact, her lips parted
further, and her hand appeared out of nowhere to rest on my thigh.
My hand came up to the back of her neck and my tongue flicked at
hers. That small spark of arousal caught fire and my groin tightened.

Then Moore coughed, loudly. *Shit*. I'd forgotten all about
him, sitting in the far corner of the bedroom. I broke the kiss
and dropped my hand from Scully's neck, and she removed hers from
my thigh and looked away. But she did not move away. Neither one
of us spoke after that, but we remained close together on the
cot, staring at anything in the room but never looking at each
other until we heard the generator sputter and die. By then it was
dawn and nothing else mattered but getting the hell away from that
place.

We barely made it. The doctors told me that Scully had lost a lot
of fluids; a few more hours in that Jeep and we would not have
survived, would have suffered the same horrible fate as those poor
loggers and everyone else left behind in that forest.

***

Scully and I never spoke about the kiss. Not while we were
being treated in the containment facility. Not during the
plane ride home. Not once. But I kept thinking about it and
wondered if Scully ever thought about it too. 

The doctors cleared us to return to work but Skinner gave
us an extra day off, so I was pleased to see Scully looking
much better when she walked into the office on our first
day back. The scars on her face had nearly healed and she
appeared well-rested.  We made small talk but neither
one of us mentioned the kiss. It was like having an elephant
in the room. I hadn't gotten rid of the one sitting on my chest
after all; he'd followed me home to DC.

Scully was anxious to analyze the samples we'd brought back
from Olympia, so she departed for the lab before lunch,
leaving me on my own. I couldn't decide if she was avoiding
me or truly focused on wrapping up this case. I spent
the day drafting angry reports and tearing them up, frustrated
in my efforts to try and explain my conclusions about where the
mites had come from.  Skinner informed me that Humphreys' company
was disappointed with how the FBI had handled the case, even
though we'd answered the original question of what had happened
to the loggers. 

I finally came up with a version I thought both Skinner and
the logging company would buy, and was putting the finishing
touches on it when Scully returned. It was late and we were both
surprised to find each other still at work.

"Hey Scully, what are you doing here? I thought you were
going straight home from the lab."

"I wanted to finish my report tonight." Her hair was clipped
back and the well-rested look from the morning was gone, replaced
by a furrow in her brow.

She seated herself at the back desk and I watched her rifle through
her notes. That elephant was back, and I tried to figure out how
to get him out of the way. I decided I could start by showing
her the report I'd struggled with. I walked over to the printer
to get the draft I hadn't shredded yet.

Scully's sudden shriek pierced the silence and I spun around
to find her jumping out of her chair as it clattered to the
floor behind her. She nearly tripped over it as she stumbled
away from the desk and toward me.

"Scully! What's wrong?" She propelled herself against me
and I grabbed her arms to steady her. She was shaking, and her
face bore the same frightened look that I'd seen in Olympia Forest.
Her eyes, wide and pale, darted back to the floor beside her chair.

"There! There!" she said. I kept hold of her with one arm and
bent down to study the floor where she pointed. At first
I couldn't see anything. Then a small brown ant crawled into view
and I understood.

"It's nothing, Scully. It's just an ant. ONE ant." I stuck out
my foot and stomped on it. "See?" I removed my foot and she
stared at the brown splat on the floor. Beneath my grip, I felt the
tension in her arms subside.

"Oh god, I'm sorry, Mulder. I guess I'm still just a little skittish
about bugs."

I pulled her closer, giving her a reassuring hug.  She glanced
around, looking back toward the floor again, as if to make sure
there really wasn't anything swarming down there.

"Scully, it's okay. You have nothing to be embarrassed about."

"I know, Mulder," she said softly, measuring me with azure eyes.
"I just shouldn't let it get to me like that."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. We both nearly died out there.
Look how many people DID die. I was afraid, too. There was nothing
normal about what happened to us in that forest. There's nothing
normal about the X-Files. Not even me. You should have figured
that out by now."

She managed a grin and I gave her another hug and brushed my lips
against her soft hair. Her scent was intoxicating and she felt
so warm in my arms. And this time there was nobody else in the
room. Just the two of us. And that goddamned elephant. I moved
my lips from her hair and brought my mouth down to hers. I waited
for her to pull away but instead she welcomed me, nipping at my
bottom lip. I accepted her invitation and my tongue sought hers
eagerly.

Scully's hands roamed across my back, her fingers leaving
fiery sparks that I felt even through my cotton shirt, felt all
the way to my groin.

"This is probably not a good idea," I mumbled against her mouth.

"No," she said, more of a gasp than a word.

My blood simmered. This was crazy. I was playing with dynamite.
But I was rock hard and there was no turning back now. I let my
mouth feast on her lips and along her neck, at last tasting
the sweetness of her skin. I slid my hand up her sweater
and cupped one of her breasts, feeling warm flesh and the peak of
her nipple even through her bra. She whimpered, a soft sound
of arousal; I ground myself against her, my erection urgently
prodding against her soft belly, until her whimper became a gasp.

We kissed and groped each other, with wild hands and mouths,
teetering backwards until Scully bumped against the desk.
I lifted her up and set her on the desktop, scattering her
carefully arranged notes to the floor. Scully was too busy
clutching at my belt buckle to notice and I had more important
things to occupy myself with. I slipped my hand under her skirt
and slid it along her thighs, covered in silky nylon. She squirmed
and jerked her hips at me until my hand was directly at the warm
juncture between her legs. I pressed against her, felt her wetness
even through the layers of fabric that blocked my way. *Your partner
is wet for you--holy shit*. She let out a soft moan and continued
working at my belt. Those skilled hands of hers soon had my zipper
open and she tried to wrap her small fingers around my hard cock.
I yanked my pants and boxers down and she zeroed in on her target.

When her fingers encircled my cock, my brain short-circuited
and my body took over. I clawed at her nylons--I don't even know how
I got them off but somehow they ended up on the floor and I was
able to push her skirt up and slide her panties down. One of us
mumbled something about a condom but neither of us stopped to
find one. Rational thought had ceased. There was only heat and need.

I stepped between her spread thighs and slipped inside her, just
a little. Her eyes gleamed and I pushed further. *God*. The heat
of her. She was slick and sure, and I wanted to bury myself in her.
I began to move faster; Scully moaned and started making little
circles with her hips, immersing me in her liquid heat. She felt
fucking amazing.

Still recovering from the injuries that left us both weakened,
our bodies raced towards release; my strokes quickened and
Scully tightened around me, so smooth, so hot. Her eyes closed
and her mouth slackened, and she panted out little rapid huffs
of air.

"Let go," I whispered, and thrust deeper. Her fingers dug into
my skin and I felt her vibrate beneath me as her orgasm spiraled
through her. The sensation of her walls coiling around my cock
was intense and I came, spilling into her hard and fast as I
tumbled over the edge.

When I could breathe again, I realized we were sprawled across
the desktop, still wearing most of our clothes. Scully peered
at me through half-closed, azure eyes. She gave me a tiny smile
but as I slid out of her and shifted my weight, her eyes widened
as she realized what had just happened. Her smile vanished;
she pushed at my chest until I moved off of her, and she sat up and
scrambled off the desk.

"I have to go," she muttered, tearing away from me. She
pulled her skirt down, grabbed for her shoes and skidded out
of the room, a wild blur.

*Shit*. What the hell was this? My pants and boxers were bunched
around my ankles; I pulled them back up and started toward the
door.

"Scully! Wait!"

I stepped into the hallway. The door to the restroom was closed
and I knew she'd sought safe haven inside.

"Scully!"  She did not answer me.

I assumed that she would not emerge if she thought I was waiting
for her, so I went back into the office and closed the door.
I waited behind it, and soon heard the restroom door open and the
click of Scully's heels as she sped down the hallway.  When I heard
the ding of the elevator, I slunk back to my desk, picking up her
discarded pantyhose which were lying in a jumble on the floor. I ran
the nylon fabric through my fingers and contemplated the fact that
I had just screwed my partner. On a desk. I put my head down and
shut my eyes.
 
I became aware of a dull ache drumming through my body, which
made no sense until I opened my eyes and realized I had fallen
asleep at my desk, Scully's pantyhose still wound around
my hands. I glanced at my watch; it was after eight o'clock
in the morning already, and Scully would soon be here. I
considered going home to change but decided that I needed
to be here when she arrived. I rolled her nylons into a ball
and tossed them in my drawer, not wanting anyone else to find them.
I hurried into the restroom to clean up as best I could without a
shower, shave or change of clothes.

Scully arrived on schedule, and I watched her every move as she
removed her coat and set her briefcase down. She really was
beautiful. Had I always thought so? I'm sure she knew I was
staring at her, but she kept her eyes focused on a glaring
reminder from last night--her lab notes, still strewn across the
floor. Damned elephant was apparently still here, too. Did I
fuck things up by fucking her?

"Good morning, Scully." I tried to sound bright and friendly.
Apparently I overdid it, because she looked at me warily.

"Good morning." She paused, taking in my disheveled appearance.
"Mulder, did you spend the night here?"

"Yep.  You wouldn't happen to have an electric shaver in your
purse, would you? Or a clean shirt?"

She ignored my attempt at levity and approached my desk,
arms folded across her chest.

"Mulder," she began carefully, and I knew she'd rehearsed whatever
she was about to say.  Good. At least one of us had thought about
it. I had no idea what I was going to say to her.

"I'm sorry," she continued, "sorry for my outburst yesterday and
sorry for leading you on."

"Leading me on? Is that what you think happened here?" I replied.
"Remember it takes two, Scully. I seem to recall being a very
willing participant."

"Whatever. It was reckless, and I'm sorry if I put you in an
awkward position."

"Nothing awkward about it..." I bit back my remark, sensing that
glibness would only make things more difficult. She looked rather
miserable but was trying to remain composed. I regrouped.

"Scully, look. Maybe I'm the one that should apologize, even though
I think both of us were a little out of control. Maybe I got turned
on by being the big, protective male. But that doesn't change the
fact that I nearly got you killed out there in that forest."

"It wasn't your fault, Mulder."

"Not directly, but I still feel responsible.  You can see that
bad things follow me around." Then a thought occurred to me; maybe
Scully was going to use last night as an excuse to leave. That's not
what I wanted at all.

"Scully, is this your way of telling me that you want to leave
the X-Files?"

"Of course not, Mulder. I still want to be your partner. I just
want you to know that I will behave more professionally from
now on."

"You mean no more down and dirty in the office? I agree,
this isn't the best place for..."

"No more down and dirty, period, Mulder," she interrupted. "We're
partners. It's not right."

"Right has nothing to do with it, Scully. It seems to be something
we both wanted."

Scully's eyes flickered at the word "both," and I sensed that she
was reconsidering something she'd thought was already decided.

"I still want to be your partner, Mulder," she repeated.
"I think that comes first, before anything else."

"So what are you suggesting? Do we pretend this never happened?
Never talk about it? Like that kiss in Olympia?"

"That might be best, Mulder," she said.

"Well, I can pretend. But I won't forget." I told her
softly. Her eyes turned azure again and she gave me a long
look. Before she could say anything, I got up from the desk
and left the room, granting her wish to end the discussion.
I really didn't want to lose her as a partner, so if this was
the way she wanted it, I was going to respect her decision. 

I went home to change and when I returned, Scully briskly asked
whether I had finished my report on Olympia Forest. I retrieved the
copy which was still sitting in the printer and handed it to her
without a word. We worked through the rest of the day barely
speaking to each other. That fucking elephant was making himself
at home.

I tried to ignore the growing tension, but when Scully donned
her coat to leave and offered a hurried "Good night, Mulder,"
I couldn't stand it anymore.

"Scully, can I ask you one question?"

She stopped buttoning her coat and waited for me to continue.
I found myself staring at her mouth and wishing I could taste her
lips again.

"If I wasn't your partner, well..." I stopped and held my hand
up, hoping she'd understand what I was trying to say.  Apparently
I was very clear; she blushed furiously and gave me a tiny smile.

After she left, I sat for a long while, tossing pencils at the
ceiling and thinking. Ignoring things was not going to work. There
was no way I could be around her now without remembering how
incredible it felt to be inside her, how amazing she looked when
I made her come.  And I wanted to feel that again, to see her
like that again. Why couldn't we make this work?

Glancing at a file I'd been reading earlier, I reached for the
phone and dialed a number I knew by heart. She answered on the
first ring.

"Hey, Scully, it's me. I've just received some new information
on Tooms' parole date, and I think we need to go over it.
I'm on my way over now to drop off the file so you can start
looking at it."

I smiled at her reply, then hung up the phone and rose to leave,
the file tucked safely under my arm. There's more than one way to
get rid of an elephant.

***
Finis
***

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