From: "Liz Sabatos" Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1998 23:04:27 PST Subject: MSR Notes From the Author: this is my very first posting. I decided to keep it pretty clean and short and sweet. The are 2 music references in this story, the first one is from a Smashing Pumpkins song called An Ode to No One, the second is a reference to the live performance of The Cure song, Cut, which can be found on "The Show", their second live CD. Anyway, I'd love feedback in case I decide to do any more just for the hell of it. E-mail me at ritzlady@hotmail.com. Oh, and if you didn't like it be a doll and keep your trap shut. Rating: "R", but only for language. The big scary f-word shows up a few times. Classification:um, okay this has a little bit of angst but is mostly an MSR Disclaimer: The dynamic duo of Mulder and Scully are not mine, they belong to Chris Carter and 1013. I'm borrowing them for awhile since the show isn't doing the whole romantic thing right. !Bring back the olden days! Summery: Mulder is angry and hurt at Scully's strange brush--off and aversion at the office that day. He goes over to her apartment to confront her and finds himself drawn deeper into her life with the exposure of her wild past..... "Insanity Loves Company" *by Elise R. Smith* Fox Mulder knew he was speeding. He'd had a holy, fucking, shitty--ass day. Mulder had been up to his armpits in paperwork after their latest case. Usually those days brought sweet bantering and relaxation between Dana Scully and himself. Today she was snapped shut, had actually brought in her Discman with a wallet full of Cds! Fine then. Mulder turned up the volume in his tape player: ...this message is for anyone who dares to hear a fool you can't bring me back, you can't bring me back cause I give it all back to you thru sacred alleys, the living wrecks wreak their havoc upon this world the disenchanted,the romantics the body+face+soul of you is gone down that deep black hole.... Mulder felt insane, charged with sweet,desperate madness. He had to see her, had to understand how she felt. Why did she avoid him today? What was her big, fucking secret? He gripped the steering wheel and went faster. Mulder could hear the music half-way down her hall. He also heard a strange, keening voice that was not part of the music. Was that her singing? He felt chills on his spine as he knocked at the door of her apartment. The only thing that answered back was the tormented vocals of Robert Smith. He had to use his key. When he opened the door he found Scully in her living room. She was dancing wildly to The Cure. He didn't know the song, the raw sound of it revealed it was a live performance. This wasn't his Scully and Mulder was transfixed. He knew that between her years after high school and before Quantico she'd lived in England for three years. And this was the punky Scully, the Scully he'd catch humming a Sex Pistols song ,the Scully who'd dyed her hair blue, who'd gotten a tattoo and slept with a schizophrenic. The song grew more intense and she sang, oblivious to his gaping presence. She copied Smith's inflection and tone very nearly to perfection. Mulder shook as she became pure fire. "If only you'd ever speak to me The way you once did Look at me the way you once did Pull to me the way you once did But you don't You don't feel anymore You don't care anymore It's all gone It's allllllllllllll...." She screamed in an exact falsetto to Smith, full of pain, full of anguish. Scully felt pain! She felt powerful emotions! Mulder's confusion and anger he'd felt toward her earlier melted. "Dana?" he whispered. Somehow she'd snapped out of her cocoon of temporary insanity and turned to see him. Her startled eyes were full of tears. With a shaking hand, she turned down the music. "I--I'm sorry you have to see me like this," Scully murmured. "Don't...I'm sorry I intruded. I had no idea...." "This is my pain management,Fox. Why are you here?" he voice was slightly hoarse. "I needed to know why...why you ignored me at the office today," Mulder replied, feeling suddenly a little ridiculous. "Mulder...." "Scully, please." "Alright," she relented, "alright,it's a long story, though." Dana Scully brought out a dusty old photo album. She sat with Fox Mulder on the couch and unlocked her wild years. "I was very young," she began, "only twenty. I was in my second year living in London., we met at a Cure concert. His name was Jeremy Nikki, he was beautiful, looked like a cross between Sid Vicious and Robert Smith." Mulder smiled, looking at a picture of them--she and Jeremy--hugging. Scully's hair was wild and blue with a hint of red-gold beneath, her face was ghastly pale, make-up as terrifying as it was beautiful. Jeremy wore just as much make-up as Scully, his black hair, unruly and spiked. Mulder mentally agreed with Scully, he was oddly lovely. "We fell in love. Or maybe it was just all the drugs and sex. Three weeks after we met we married." Posted on the next page was a gold ring. Mulder's heart twisted in his chest, someone had been her husband. She's worn someone's ring. A piece of his heart fell away. "It was...the dumbest thing I've ever done. I mean, it wasn't like he abused me but...all we did was smoke bud and fuck. He didn't love me, I was just another drug to him. Jeremy was brilliant, that's why I loved him. When he wasn't stoned or drunk, we'd have the most stimulating conversations. Actually, when we get into our little tiffs, you remind me of him." Mulder gazed into her eyes, feeling unbelievably blessed. Sure, it was an offhand compliment but it was a compliment nonetheless. Scully seldom paid him compliments. "Anyway. It was a long struggle for us. Love, pain, drugs, lots of pain. We divorced after the first year. After that, I decided to go home to America. I was twenty-three by then and feeling like it was time to grow up and make a name for myself. So I detoxed myself and let the blue wash out of my hair. I enrolled in a junior college for about two years, I was so successful I was soon transferred to St. Mary's. After I graduated with honours, I decided I wanted a job with the government and found myself at Quantico. "And then there was you." Mulder cast down his green eyes. "Um, I don't want to be insensitive but that doesn't give me the answer your silence today," he said quietly. "Today was the anniversary of my marriage to Jeremy. Usually it doesn't affect me like this," Scully sighed, "but I've been really lonely lately,Fox." He loved the way his name rolled off her lips. Mulder felt so close to her now. He was sick with guilty for his previous rage. "Dana, you know I expecting a big fight as soon as I walked through your door. I was hurt, angry, I thought...I don't know what I thought...." "Fox--" there it was again, Mulder shivered with pleasure "--I would never hurt you." "Why?" Mulder whispered. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she wasn't angry, only confused. "Dana, I love you." There he'd said it. Fuck it, he'd finally said the words. Scully just stared, smiling. Mulder thought to himself, dizzy with sudden fear Then she kissed him. Mulder almost cried, it was like a religious experience. Her full lips, sweet taste. They kissed passionately, love, loneliness, insanity trapped in their most intimate of touch. Scully kissed his face and kissed his neck, she felt like she was back in her wild days. They were lying on the couch, necking like a couple of crazy teen--agers. The photo album had fallen to the floor, forgotten by both. Mulder was the happiest man alive, wit the most beautiful woman on earth kissing his lips and nick and eyes with a wet ardency that aroused him terribly. They eventually had to breath. "Hmmm," Scully sighed, "that was fun." Mulder kissed her brow. "Do you love me?" he ventured. "Of course, Fox," Scully kissed his hated nose, "How could I not?" You may be a bastard, but you can be a damn sweet bastard when you put your heart into it." "So what now?" Mulder asked. "Well, I don't want to do anything during the week, so why don't you come see me Friday night?" Scully smiled with seduction in her eyes. "We'll have a nice quiet evening...inside." "Hmmmm," Mulder was already thinking about all the ways to make her yell, "inside." Scully shivered as his eyes darkened. She kissed his lips gently once more. He began to move away. "no stay," she said, "sleep with me." Mulder was already feeling a little tired as it was. By now it was nearly midnight. "Hold each other...that sounds...really great..." Mulder kissed her, not caring about his sexual needs, barely aware of them. Scully wrapped a quilt around them. "Better 'n sex?" she mumbled softly. "No," Mulder said honestly, "but it's pretty close." Scully chuckled and felt herself falling asleep. It felt so good to be in his arms, she felt so alive. The beat of his heart lulled her into slumber. It had been years since she'd shared her sleep with anyone. And she was glad it was Mulder. *Fini* --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Comments? Praise? Suggestions? Flowers? Don't be shy, I'm very eager for feedback.