From: DScully321@aol.com
Date: Sat, 7 Aug 1999 01:57:20 EDT
Subject: Fanfiction Submission
Source: direct

Disclaimer: Ok, you probably know the drill but I gotta
 say it anyway so I don't get sued.  These characters 
arn't mine, they were borrowed from the incredible talents 
of Chris Carter, Gillian Anderson (Go Gillian!), and David 
Duchovny.  I am making no profit off this story, it just 
keeps me entertained.  Please don't sue, I have no money!  

Invisible Walls  
-Kathryn Brown
Rating- PG
Classification-TRA 
Spoilers- Beyond the Sea, The Blessing Way, Christmas 
Carol/Emily, Duane Barry/Ascension 
Keywords- Mulder/Scully Romance
Summary: Scully arrives at Mulder's apartment in tears, 
but the next day she builds back up the invisible walls 
between them.  Tempers flare...

*                                    *                                 *
         *knock knock!*  Mulder's head snapped up 
and in the direction of his apartment door.  *knock 
knock*  The rapping on his door was soft, almost...
weak.  He looked tiredly at the clock next to his couch
, 1:32 AM.  He got up off the sofa and ran a hand through
 his hair.  He looked down at his rumpled grey tee shirt 
and sweatpants.  Shrugging to himself, he headed towards
 the door. Whoever decided to come knocking on his 
door at 1:30 in the morning could deal with his wardrobe.
  He looked through the peephole and gasped at the 
sight.  As fast as his hands would work, he flipped the 
lock and threw open the door.  Before him stood a sight 
that actually caused him physical pain.  In his doorframe 
stood Dana Scully, her face red from crying, more tears 
pooling in her eyes and threatening to overflow at any 
second.  She looked into his hazel eyes and took a deep
 breath.  "Um, hey Mulder," was all she could make out, 
and even those words barely came out.   Scully rubbed her 
eyes and gathered herself.  "Actually Mulder, I never should 
have come.  I just...well, I guess it's not really that important.  
Sorry to bothor you."  Scully started to turn around when a 
firm hand grabbed her wrist and turned her to face Mulder 
again.  "No Scully," Mulder said, "something's wrong, very 
wrong."  He gently pulled her inside and shut the door behind
 her.  She sat slowly on the couch as tears welled up in 
her eyes again.  Mulder, now more awake than ever before
 in his life, sat beside her.  "What is it Scully?  What 
happened?"  Scully looked up at him and began talking, 
her words muffled by the crying.  "Nothing...nothing really 
happened," she began.  "I had this nightmare, this horrible 
nightmare..."  Mulder took her hand gently.  "What kind of 
nightmare?" he asked her softly.  God knows he was the 
expert on nightmares.  A sob racked Scully's frail body 
as she continued.  "A nightmare...about losing Emily.  I 
dreamed of all the terrible things they did to her...treated 
her like some kind of lab rat..."
By this time tears were pouring openly down her face.  
"Then I woke up, but the fear, the horror, was still there. 
Then I started thinking of all the terrible things that have 
happened...  My father... Missy... My abduction"  She 
looked straight into his eyes.  "And then I thought about 
how many times I almost lost you.  And...and the pain 
was just unbearable.  I-"  Scully brushed the tears out of 
her eyes but more followed.  "I came here to make sure 
you were ok, that you were still...still alive.  I know that 
sounds stupid but I had to make sure."  And with that 
Scully dropped her head, a curtain of red hair covering 
her tear-stained face.  Inside, she, of all things, was 
ashamed.  That she had let her weakness show, that 
her careful layers of strength and distance from others 
had come crashing down like they didn't even exist.  
Mulder lifted her chin and looked deeply into her crystal 
blue eyes.  "It's not stupid Scully.  It's not."  Mulder was 
getting choked up himself, not wanting to even think 
about how many times he'd woken up from a nightmare, 
scared to death they had taken Scully from him again.  
Too many times to count.  Scully nodded and layed her 
head on his sholder.  After a minute or so Mulder heard 
her crying, softly, but her trembling body was what gave 
it away.  He leaned back into his couch and ran his hand 
through her hair soothingly.  He pulled her to him and 
held her tightly as the sobs came harder.  There was 
nothing he could do besides hold her and whisper soft
 words of comfort, so that's what he did.
*                                     *                                   *

       The next morning, Scully's eyes cracked open and
 immediately sought out the window closest to her bed.  
Her eyes opened wider when it wasn't there. She looked 
around the room and realized where she was, and all the 
events of last night came rushing back to her.  She raised
 herelf up and saw the position she was in with her partner.
  He was laying down, spread across the entire length of 
the sofa and she was sprawled on top of him, her head 
nestled right under his chin.  One of his arms was firmly 
wrapped around her waist and both of hers were around 
his neck.  "God, I can't do this," she thought to herself
 and carefully pried herself away from her sleeping partner.  
She grabbed her bag and coat and opened the door.  She 
looked back to Mulder, still fast asleep on the couch.  She 
walked back over to him and kissed him softly on the cheek, 
her lips moved to his ear and she whispered "Thank You," very 
softly and hurried back to the still open door, she glanced 
one more time back at him before silently shutting it.
*                                     *                                       
 *
        Fox Mulder was angry, worried, yes, but angry too.  
He'd woken up Saturday morning with Scully gone, without
 a trace.  Half of him knew she needed to be alone, Scully
didn't like opening up to people, letting her defenses drop, 
which was exactly what she had done.  But they were best 
friends, and he thought that last night would have shown 
her she could at least open up to him, that he would always 
understand.  But the other half of him was angry that she 
left.  Without even saying anything.  Not a good-bye, nothing.
  On top of that she hadn't called him all weekend, and now, 
Monday morning, would be the first time they'd see each
 other since that night.  He had arrived first, and was now 
pretending to read a file he could have cared less about.  
He heard the door open and his eyes immediately raised
 to her face.  She looked back at him, her body launguage
 showed nothing unusal but those eyes, those eyes gave 
everything away.  And what he saw in them made him want 
to yell at her.  Her eyes were closed off.  She had shut him 
out.  Again.  "Dammit!" he swore to himself.  Why was she
 doing this?  His anger and frustration boiled over to where 
he couldn't control it anymore.  "What the hell is wrong with
 you Scully?"  She looked over at him as she opened her 
laptop.  "What?"  He actually saw a wash of red in front of 
his eyes.  "I asked you what the hell is wrong with you? 
You're building up your defenses again and shutting me 
the hell out.  Why Scully?"  Scully sighed impatiently, 
but inside she was falling apart, again. Inside she was 
screaming to tell him the truth, tell him everything.  She 
would have loved to just open herself up to him, no more 
walls.  But that wasn't who she was, that wasn't who she 
had grown up as.  "Mulder," she began calmly.  "I think maybe
 we should forget about Friday night.  I was just going through
 a bad time, but I'm alright now, ok?  So can we just forget 
about it?"  "WHAT?!"  he yelled, now not caring who else 
heard him.  "Scully, Friday night, I thought you were finally
 ok with talking to me, openly, honestly.  And now...dammit
 Scully..."  He couldn't take this anymore, he had to get away.
  He picked up some stray cases scattered across his desk 
and walked straight out the door, got in his car, and went home.
*                                                         *                   
        *

        *knock knock*  The knock on the door was loud, insistant.  
Scully knew who it was already.  She had the feeling he'd come.  
She didn't want him here, at work was ok, work was work.  But 
at home, his or hers, was different.  She heard his key hit the 
lock and took a deep breath, returning to a file she had been 
reading.  Her door opened.  "Scully?" he called out and made 
his way to her couch.  He dropped down beside her.  "Scully,
 we need to talk."  Scully got up and backed slowly away from 
him.  "Mulder, I'm not feeling that great, another time, ok?"  He
 looked at her steely. "No Scully, now.  Tell me now, why did you
 shut me out again?  Why?"  She finally couldn't take it anymore, 
and her own hurt and anger boiled to the surface.  "Do you want
 to know why Mulder?  Do you really want to know why I 
closed myself off again?!," her voice getting louder with every 
word until she was actually screaming at him.  "I'll tell you 
why!  I was afraid, ok?  I was afraid what would happen if we 
could be compleatly open with each other.  Then Mulder,
 then it would be too easy, just too easy to fall into your arms 
and share the most incredible kiss with you.  And you know 
that can't happen, for too many reasons."  Hot tears burned her 
eyes.  "No matter how much I want it to happen, no matter how
 much you want it to, no matter how much I love you, it just can't 
happen!"  All at once she realized what she'd just said, something
 she'd sworn to herself she would, could never tell him.  Her mouth 
snapped closed and her eyes followed suit, causing the tears she
 willed to stay there to cascade down her face.  She wished the 
words back with all her might, disbelieving she'd actually told him. 
 That was only the worst possible thing she could have done.  
She spun around, turning her back to him.  There was no way 
she could face him again, especially not right now.  She had told 
him...God she had told him she loved him!  Just because it was 
true didn't offer her any comfort.  The apartment was silent. 
 Scully studided the countertop.  She jumped slightly when two
 hands settled on her waist.  A voice whispered into her ear 
shakily, "Did you mean what you said Scully? Did you mean 
it when you said you loved me?"  No, she told herself, tell him
 no.  But all the while, she slowly shook her head yes, still not 
bringing herself to look at him.  And it was silent again.  A few 
seconds later Scully felt a tear hit her sholder, Mulder's tears.  
She heard him draw in a quivery breath and felt his breath on 
her neck when he whispered to her again, "I love you too Scully,
 with all my mind, body, and soul, I love you."  She coughed then, 
releasing the cry that she had been desparately trying to hold back. 
 She felt him slowly turn her back around, and blue met hazel, tears
 falling down both their faces, Scully's cries the only audible ones. 
 Mulder slowly, carefully, pulled a lock of red hair out of her face. 
 Scully's arms slid around his neck and he tightening his grip on
 her waist.  The rest of the world fell away as their lips met in one, 
incredible kiss.
*                                                     *                       
              *
Did ya like?  It was my first attempt at fanfic.  I'm considering
 writing another piece, tell me if you think I should!  And any 
constructive criticism is welcome!  
DScully321@aol.com