From: "Joylynn Wing" <aljoyw@a-znet.com>
Date: Tue, 27 Jul 1999 21:51:28 -0400
Subject: New: Irresistible II; the Evil Within

 Part 16a of 19a and b

Even her face appeared thinner, dark contour appearing beneath
the curves of her cheeks. Skinner smiled brightly, ignoring
the less than healthy visage before him. " How are you feeling? "
He asked as he sat down on the edge of the firm mattress, the 
edge giving way slightly under his bulk.

Scully looked down at her free hand, her nails ragged and worn, 
" I'm fine Sir. Thank you for asking. " She looked about, from
what she could see; the IV in her hand and the sterile, clinical
room before her, she knew that she had to be in the hospital.
However, for the life of her she couldn't remember how she had 
gotten there. " May I ask you a question Sir, " she asked softly
as she looked him into his eyes.

Skinner blinked quickly, " Sure, what can I do for you? " He
let go of her hand, suddenly very uncomfortable with the touch
that they shared. He slid himself off of the bed and pulled up
the chair which had rested next to the head of her bed.

Scully looked about her with an unmistakable look of confusion
floating across her refined features. She brought up the blankets
which had lain in her lap, closer up to her chest, trying to
ward off the chill which had set in. ' Pfaster. The last thing I
remember is preparing to jump Pfaster... Then everything is
black. ' " How did I get here? " Scully asked in the smallest 
voice that he had ever heard.

" You don't remember? " Skinner asked in turn. But as quickly as 
the question had been formulated, he knew the answer, ' The drug. 
She was under the influence of a hell of a lot of medication. 
Things will be cloudy for a while. ' " Of course you don't know 
Scully. It's ok. You are at University Hospital. You had an 
altercation with Pfaster. Somehow you managed to hit him over the 
head with a chair and then... "

" I shot him, " she finished as she suppressed a shiver, which ran
through her. She could recall bits and pieces of the event. A hazy 
recollection bore of drug, exhaustion, and lack of food. His face, 
strained and determined, his hands cold and clammy as he carried
her up the stairs. 

" He is dead. You shot him point blank. " Skinner filled in as he
watched her expression carefully. She appeared calm, cool, 
controlled as usual. Her whole demeanor screamed Federal Agent Dana 
Scully. But her eyes told a different story. They were unfocused, 
confused and pain filled. They darted about in nervousness as she 
tried to get a grasp on the past events which she had experienced.

Scully looked back at him, and quipped sarcastically, " Well, I am
glad to see that all those years on the firing range paid off. "
She brought her legs up to her abdomen, her knees just beneath her 
chin. She brought her slight arms around them and closed her eyes.

" Do you want me to get you a nurse? Are you all right? " Skinner
asked as he bent his head down slightly to try to catch her gaze.
He brought his hands down into his lap, his fingers rubbing 
slightly on the smooth fabric beneath them.

" Yeah. I am just tired, " she replied as she began to rock 
slightly back and forth. She knew that she was safe, her plan had 
worked, but where did that leave her. Because of her selfishness 
Mulder would never see the light of day, never would take another 
breath. The last words that she had shared with him had been 
heated, angry. Not the way that she had hoped their last moments 
would be shared. She continued to speak, her voice becoming softer 
and higher pitched with each word uttered, " How long was I there 
with him? I didn't have any means of telling time and there were 
no open windows for me to look out of. "

Skinner stood up and stood next to her, he could see blood and
biological materials still strewn throughout the silky strands
of her hair. ' Jesus Scully. You are acting just like you are
shell shocked. ' And she was. Her whole personage had changed
from her usual self to this withdrawn, unfocused woman before
him. He spoke softly, " You were down there about five days. "

Scully blinked slowly and looked up at him, " Oh... It all seems
to obfuscate together. After he drugged me up, things are a blur. 
I slept so much, that time almost stood still. " She then looked 
down at her knees and began to rock again, her grief, shock and 
exhaustion controlling her every move at this point.

" Scully... " Skinner said as he leaned over her. " I really think
that you need to see a doctor, let me go and get someone for 
you... " She was starting to frighten him. Who knows what that
monster had done to her and how would make her act.

Scully looked up at him and once again. She shook her head 
negatively. She knew that all she needed was some rest. She needed 
some time to deal with everything that happened. She knew that she 
would recover physically. She didn't have any pressing injuries. 
She knew that she would heal mentally. She was strong, this would 
not effectively keep her from being fully functional for long.
However emotionally, was another facet she knew would be difficult.
" I need to know Skinner. " Scully stated softly, " I need to know
how he died... " She knew that though the knowledge would not
absolve her of her guilt in his demise, it might help her to deal
with it better if she was totally aware of the situation. 

" I told you, you shot him Scully... " Skinner answered with a
confused tone, she seemed more than just shell shocked. She wasn't 
retaining anything that he was telling her. ' Maybe the drug is 
still in her system. Maybe it is causing her to be this way? ' 
Skinner reached for the call bell and pressed it to summon for 
attention.

Scully shook her head furiously, " I don't mean Pfaster. I mean
Mulder... " Before she got a chance to finish, a small thin nurse
dressed in green scrubs and white clogs walked in and waved 
Skinner out the door, " I need to look at Miss Scully. Will you 
excuse us? "

Skinner just nodded and said to Scully, " I will be right back.
We have a lot to discuss. There are some things that you should be
aware of. I will be right outside. " He squeezed her shoulder 
nearest him and nodded supportively.

Scully just looked back at him and nodded in affirmation. It had 
to be bad if he couldn't just tell her. A surge of pain cursed 
through her, a tornado in a valley, circling her heart like a 
heated knife. She sucked in a breath and swallowed hard. ' Maybe 
this can wait a little bit more time. '

He walked stiffly out of the room, as the nurse pulled the curtain
about the small redhead laying in the white sheets of her discord.
He could see the pain as he had walked out. However until Mulder
was here in plain sight, he knew that she would never believe him.
As he stepped out in the hall, Mulder came strolling up quickly to
him, his stride determined and happy.

" How is she? Can I see her? " Mulder asked breathlessly as he
reached Skinner who was leaned up against the wall. Mulder tucked 
his hands into his pockets and smiled brightly as he peeked into 
the open door, not able to see beyond the light blue privacy 
curtain which had been pulled tightly around the bed.

Skinner shook his head; " The nurse is in there with her. You can
go in as soon as she says I assume. She seems as good as we can
expect considering what she has been through the last few days.
However, she doesn't remember anything that happened after her
altercation with Pfaster, and she still thinks that you are 
dead. "

Mulder drew in a ragged breath. He knew that she must be so
miserable. He knew how he felt when she was gone and he didn't
know is she was alive or dead. He knew that she must also feel
that way. " She must feel like shit, sir. I remember how I have
felt all of the times that I have been on the other side of the
door. " Mulder brought his slender hand up to run his fingers 
through his hair, trying to straighten the hopeless cause with 
little effect.
 
From behind Skinner's ample shoulders, walked the nurse that had
been in Scully's room. She walked up to the two men, looking at
the clip board of notes which she had carried in with her.
" Miss Scully, is doing well. The IV is doing its job. Her vital
signs are stable. If she continues as this rate, we will transfer 
her up to the med surg floor in just a few hours. You may go in 
and speak to her if you want, but please just for a few moments. 
She needs her rest. "

Mulder smiled brightly, " Thank you so very much. Now if you
will excuse me, I have some good news to share with a certain
red head of my dreams. With that Mulder walked into the room,
his trench swinging strongly behind him. As he walked by Skinner,
Skinner could smell the very expensive cologne, which we wore.

Skinner furrowed his brow as a bright smile broke across his face.
" Red head of his dreams... I guess that I just won the office
pool, " Skinner said to no one in particular. The nurse looked
at him with the most puzzled face and shrugged her shoulders.
She turned and walked down the hall towards the nurse's station.
The bright light around her, a halo of colors broken only by the 
glass surrounding the desk she was walking towards.

Skinner turned to walk towards the other hallway, his face still
lit up with the grin that he sported. ' What I could do with 500
dollars. It was such a sucker bet. ' Skinner turned down a corridor
which he knew that lead to the cafeteria. For the first time in 
several days, he actually had an appetite. And with he new found
winnings, he was planning on enjoying himself. 
                      


                    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~



University Hospital
SUNY Health Science Center
Level 1 Trauma
Syracuse, New York.
1030



Mulder walked in slowly, the curtain still drawn around her bed.
The room was filled with deafening silence, so thick that it could
be palpated with the very skin of his body. He took small even
breaths, trying to settle himself down. Even though the room
reeked of hospital chemicals and cleaning supplies, he swore that
he could smell the essence which he knew as only being Scully.

It wasn't the perfume or the soap that she usually wore that he
recognized, it was the elemental base which all of those were
enhanced by. He breathed it in deep, allowing its sheer power to
heal his still tormented soul, and to refresh his heart with life
and love eternal.

Mulder pulled back the curtain, and a flash of gold which he 
recognized as being Scully, was facing out the window, her eyes 
meeting the early morning rays. She seemed so small in that very
white bed, that it tore at his heart strings. He wanted to run up 
and wrap his arms around her, driving away the demons which 
stalked them both in the shadows of their existence.

" I told you, I don't need anything right at this moment. And
if you touch that IV one more time... " Mulder heard Scully 
say, her voice full of annoyance and disdain. She had been poked,
prodded, checked and examined over every inch of her body. She
had never felt so violated in all of her life. Even Pfaster had
not transgressed her so.

" Scully, you aren't giving those nice nurses a hard time are
you? " Mulder retorted, the sound of her voice even more
powerful that the air which he had breathed in just moments
earlier. He put his hands into his pockets and walked up so
that his thighs met the bed.

" Mulder? " The smallest voice his voice had ever encountered
inquired from within the nest of warm blankets and golden
sunshine. 

Scully rolled over, her mind reeling at the voice that she had
indelibly imprinted upon her psyche. As her eyes met the freshly
shaved, neatly dressed, wet haired personage of her partner,
tears, hot and thick, as the hot summer rains which fall upon
the parched landscape, feel down her golden sprinkled cheeks,
to pool deeply on her collar bones. ' Oh my God... '


Part 16b of 19a and b

" Scully, you ought to by now that I don't die easily, " Mulder
retorted and sat down next to her on the edge of her bed. He
reached out and stroked the only strand of hair not filthy, which 
had fallen across her cheek. Her tears which she was shedding
for him met his touch and he carefully wiped them away.

" Oh, my God. It is you... I thought... " With that she reached 
over as she sat up and wrapped her arms around his neck. Relief 
flooded throughout her body, her heart began to beat furiously in 
her chest. She couldn't believe that he was real. When she had 
seen him, even though her eyes spoke their truths, her heart 
refused to believe. Now with him wrapped within her tired arms, 
she finally allowed all that she was feeling to come out. Harsh 
powerful sobs wracked through her body, a ship crashing on an 
immovable shore. Her breathing ragged and labored. It was not for 
herself that she wept, it was for the fact that the man that she 
loved was before her, his heart beating with hers.

Mulder held the sobbing woman tightly in his strong arms. Her hot
wet tears staining his dress shirt beneath his jacket. Her rocked
her gently, slowly trying to will away the immense pain that she
was shedding before his sight. " It's ok, " Mulder whispered 
softly into her hair, stroking it softly under his strong hands. 
" I've got you. You are safe. " 

He pulled her up with him, drawing most of her shaking body into 
his lap, her head buried deeply in the curve of his neck. He held 
her gently, lovingly his eyes clamped shut. Against his chest, the 
steady beating of her spirit which flowed through her body, and her 
garroted vacuous respirations were the concrete reminders of the 
fragileness of mortality. Her grip on him was almost stifling in 
its fervor, but he himself was reluctant to let her go. " Hey, 
Scully. If I didn't know better, I would be led to think that you 
missed me. "

Scully chuckled slightly, her broken voice retorting, " You can be
such an ass Mulder. But as God as my witness, I did miss you. "
She calmed down slightly, her heart slowing, a symphony of 
percussion. She closed her eyes and centered her breathing, ' In 
through your nose; out through your mouth. We need to get a hold 
of ourselves, Dana. ' She mused in the second person.

Mulder continued to rock her slight body, his heat seeping through
him and warming her cold, desolate soul until it was full of love 
and light. Tears came to his eyes as he drew her closer whispering
sincerely, " I missed you also. All of that time not knowing... I
cannot live without you Scully. You are my life, my completion.
I was so lost... " With that he gathered his wits together, trying
to lighten the mood, " Besides, who else would put up with me 
padding the expense accounts to pay for my triple X pay for view 
orders when on the road. "

Scully began to laugh at that comment, her tears beginning to 
abate slightly, then the realization of his firstly spoken words 
began to set in, ' All of that time not knowing? ' Scully pushed 
back from her safe haven, loath to give up the security which she 
felt for the first time in as long as she could remember. She 
looked him seriously in the eyes and asked, her azure blue full of 
confusion, " All of that time, Mulder? How long did you know that 
I was gone? How was I found? I wasn't aware that anyone knew. "

Mulder searched her face in return, his turn for confusion, 
" What do you mean? " Mulder inquired huskily, his voice honey 
over gravel, " Of course we all knew that you were missing, it 
wasn't as if he tried to hide it, in fact he flaunted the 
knowledge in front of us the whole time. " He brought his hands to 
her shoulders squeezed gently and then brought his palm up to cup 
the curve of her cheek.

Scully leaned into his palm the rough calluses scraping the
sensitive skin of her cheek. She blinked her eyes slowly
processing the information that she was given. " But... I...
He told me... " She took a deep breath and formed a coherent 
phrase, using all the strength that she could muster. " Pfaster
told me that he emailed Skinner and told him I was taking some
time off. He told me that he hid my belongings, filled by
ticket and basically made it appear that I had left. He told me
that all of you were not the least bit wiser about my
circumstances... "

" Well, well. Pfaster was a very busy man. He left all sorts
of trace evidence on the scene, latents and such. The next day he 
called us on your cell phone and began to taunt us. He told me 
that you were the one, the one that could redeem him, purify the 
dark depths of his soul. He left a trail so big, an idiot could 
have followed it. "

Scully shivered slightly at the words that Mulder had spoke.
She felt him draw her back to him and she didn't refuse. She 
closed her eyes as her face met his chest, the smell of his soap 
and his freshly applied cologne filling her senses. " Jesus 
Mulder, " she whispered emotionally, " he told me that no one 
would ever know what happened to me. He told me that I would be 
with him and I, Dana Katherine Scully would cease to exist. I 
would be a vessel... "

" He didn't * hurt * you did he? The exam didn't reveal anything
but I need to hear the truth from you lips, Scully. Did he... " 
Mulder trailed off as tears once again to fall effortlessly from 
his swirling depths of green and gold. He knew that until she told 
him herself, he would not find rest. Sure there was no evidence of 
obvious sexual assault, but what about oral physical assault. That 
rarely could  proven with tests, and that is just as traumatic.

Scully shook her head against his chest. She burrowed herself 
further into his chest, and sighed softly. She tightened her grip 
on his waist, eliminated any perceivable space which may separate 
them. " No Mulder, " she replied as she repressed tears which 
threatened to fall, " he wanted to, but he seemed to need my 
surrender. In the end, he gave up on that, and even though he knew
that if he approached me I would shoot, he did so anyway. After 
that everything is black. " Scully inhaled and exhaled slowly, her
senses filling with the decidedly male essence of soap, fresh 
sweat and fragrant cologne which Mulder exuded. " Mulder how did 
you find me? " She asked her voice dripping with tremulousness, 
" I mean what happened after I killed him... "

Mulder drew his arms tighter around the woman in his arms, her 
soft flesh burning deep into his heated caress, " Well, the last 
phone called clued us in, " Mulder said his voice as sharp as a 
sliver of glass, " We could hear carillon bells in the background 
and when we investigated, Agent Barton recognized them as being 
from Syracuse University. Near by where the bells are located is 
an older residential area. That is where the search concentrated. 
We had been searching most of the night, when neighbors heard gun 
shots and called it in. We went there, and found him very dead. 
But you were missing. "

Scully shivered brutally and closed her eyes, her terror at not
having full knowledge of her circumstances tormenting her greatly,
" Where was I? " Scully asked as she clenched his trench tighter
seeking the warmth which she knew that he could only bring.

Mulder brought his hand up to caress the silken weave of her hair,
he looked down and gazed at the heated silken strands of gray 
which he knew was the fire of her soul which he could never really 
appreciate, " We began to canvas the neighborhood, " Mulder 
replied, his voice tight with emotion, " Skinner and his crew 
found you hidden under some bushes nearby about 2 blocks. They 
called me, and I came and got you. I must say that you were pretty 
out of it... "

Scully nodded and pulled away reluctantly, loath to let him go but
knowing that this clearly not a professional situation to be seen
in. However, she did remain loosely embraced within the fold of 
his arms, an indulgence which she couldn't deny herself. " Mulder 
did he really plan the whole thing, I mean... " Scully questioned 
softly, a delicate breeze in the still of the hot desert.

" Yes he did, " Mulder replied his voice biting with red-hot 
anger, " While under treatment, he fixated on you. In his sick 
twisted little world he decided that his only salvation was 
through you. We are not still totally clear on how he totally 
planned it all... There are to many variables to insure our 
arrival, but he had paid close tabs on us; especially you. "

Scully lowered her face from his vision, shame and pain painting
its delicate features flushed and drawn. ' This was all about me.
He did all of this for me. They died because of his fixation; 
lambs to the slaughter. ' Scully felt the searing presence of 
salty tears burning their way down her chaffed visage. She reached 
up with one trembling hand and quickly wiped their evidence from 
her, the heat of the tears on sharp contrast to the coolness of 
her fingers.

Mulder reached down and lifted her still trembling chin with his 
thumb and forefinger, revealing her distress to his probing gaze.
Mulder shook his head, as a single crystal clear tear streaked 
down and landed on his arm, " Scully, " Mulder replied with a 
voice as soothing as warm honey, " it wasn't your fault. You had 
nothing to do with it. " He then reached up with his other hand 
and gently stroked the curve of her cheek to where it met her jaw 
and then followed it to curve behind around the nape of her neck. 
" You have to know that, Scully. " Mulder finished as he lowered 
his gaze to assure that she understood him.

" I do. But... " She replied softly, as she averted her gaze. " I 
tried to remain strong. For them. For me. But I failed so many 
times. I know that I am a trained agent, but I felt so 
helpless. " She gazed at him through tear filled eyes. Shame 
filling every aching pore of her being. Weakness was not an option 
which she believed in.

" Scully, " Mulder replied as he smiled brightly back at her, his
eyes kind and supportive. " You never failed. You never have. You
beat him. You saved yourself, against tremendous odds. " He 
stroked her hair gently saying, " That is proof enough, even for
you. You are the strongest person that I know. "

Scully nodded weakly and looked him straight in the eyes, 
gathering the faith that he held there and took it deep within her 
heart where she could call it her own. Suddenly as she sat there, 
enveloped in the essence that was Mulder, an overwhelming wave of 
desire hit her like hurricane coming to shore. Her heart began to 
pound, its rhythm primitive and earthy, her breathing quickened 
and became labored.

Her eyes caught and followed the sensuous curve of his upper lip,
its lush exterior begging to be tasted like a fine wine, savored
slowly, carefully, discovering all of the nuances which lie there.
She raised her face, losing herself in the deep swirling depths of
autumn greens and golds, and without a moments hesitation tilted
her head slightly and brought her lips to his.

' Heaven, simply heaven, ' Mulder mused as her lush, rose red lips
met his. As they had stared into each other's eyes, Mulder had 
known what was coming. He had wanted their first kiss to be 
special, memorable, theirs and theirs alone, but in the wake of 
his overwhelming desire, he had been powerless to stop it. Mulder 
forced his eyes to remain open, preferring to see this event occur 
as well as to feel it, but when she gently took his lower lip 
between her lips, and gently tugged it, his eyes fell shut as he 
fought the urge to throw her to the mussed sheets of her bed and 
deepen the kiss further.

Scully brought her hands up to entwine in the dark silky hairs of
his nape, and leaned forward to nip at the lip which she had taken
as her own. She moaned softly and with a delicate sweep of her
tongue caressed the plump flesh beneath hers. She could feel his
lips open slightly, and in a hesitant action she brought her
tongue to greet his seeking the fire which she knew only he 
possessed.

For one brief moment, time stood still. Tongues met, and caressed.
Seeking, exploring, tasting, the unfamiliar territory which both
had before them. At first the kiss was hesitant, a toe in a
rushing river, but then as they drew closer together, the kiss 
grew, consuming all thought, until Mulder's long buried voice of 
reason stepped forward and spoke. ' Not here, not now. ' Their 
first time as a couple, was to be private, not for all to see. 
Mulder moaned softly, as he pulled his lips from hers, loath to 
willingly give up the new home which he had just discovered.

As they parted, Scully smiled weakly, and pulled his head towards
hers, causing their forehead to touch together, their ragged 
shallow breaths mingling as one. She lowered her eyes, trying to
bring her raging desires under wraps for a moment. She was 
disappointed true, but * this * was not the time.
 
" Scully, we need to talk, " Mulder said as he looked into her
flushed face, his eyes dark and dilated, meeting hers smoky and
bright. He had always imagined her like this, wanting him. He 
wanted to show her just how much * he * wanted her, but not like
this. '  But not here, not now. ' Mulder said as he pulled his 
forehead from hers.

" Excuse me... " A loud, firm voice called from across the room,
breaking the moment and sending it out to see like a wave 
rebounding from the shore.

Mulder and Scully pulled back from one another, a bright blush
stealing across both of their faces. Mulder slid down from the
edge of Scully's bed and stood up, meekly putting his hands into
his deep pockets while Scully leaned back against the numerous
fluffy pillows which sat behind her.

" If you would excuse Miss Scully and I for a moment, I need to
examine her briefly... " The dark haired woman with the deep
green scrubs and the round face said as she stepped towards the
side of the door and gestured sweepingly for Mulder to leave.

Mulder turned towards Scully, noting the pale rose petal flush and
widely dilated eyes associated with extreme desire. Mulder flashed
her a bright smile, revealing his row of perfect white teeth and
nodded as he said huskily, his voice honey over gravel, " I'll
be right back. " With that he leaned over and gently placed a warm 
firm kiss on her hairline.

Scully nodded and flashed him in return a rare magnificent
' Scully smile ' with teeth and all. She watched as he sauntered 
out of the room, pausing for a moment to nod at the nurse who had 
just interrupted them. Scully brought her hand up to tentatively
touch her still moist lips, remembering how his touch felt upon
her. She felt the fire within her once again surge but she
managed to suppress it as she always had done, but this time with
promise that good things were to come.

" Miss Scully, how are you feeling? " The nurse asked as she 
walked up and placed her small hand on Scully's shoulder. Sara had 
been a little unnerved by the obviously very private moment that 
she had just walked in on. And from the looks on her patient's 
face, she knew that Scully was also.

" I'm fine... " Scully replied curtly, really meaning it, as she 
looked at the nurse's nametag, "...Sara, " she finished as she 
pulled up the clean, stiff bedclothes further around herself. 
Scully found herself in a losing battle to regain her composure 
after finally kissing Mulder. ' Jesus, Dana. It's just a kiss... 
But what a kiss it was. ' She though happily as she watched Sara 
check her Foley Catheter Bag for output.

" Looking good, " Sara responded when she saw Scully seriously 
studying her. " Your urine is still quite concentrated but with
rest and plenty of fluid we can remove this in a few hours. "
She finished as she gestured to the bag. Sara then picked up 
Scully's wrist, her gentle touch noting the tiny bones, and began 
to take her pulse.

" How is my blood work? " Scully queried knowingly as she twisted
her hands firmly into the scratchy material which lie there, her
knuckles turning white under her ministrations. She couldn't
wait to get out of there. After all of her hospitalizations in the
past, the less spent in an ER the better. She found herself
growing nauseated from the smells which seemed to exist only in
a healthcare environment, the memories they provoked too much for
her to deny.

Sara turned to look at the IV machine, noting the cc/hr, which had
been programmed into its red digital display, " Good. Your glucose
is now within acceptable limits and your BUN has lowered, however
your WBC's are still elevated and your electrolytes are still way
out of range. " Sara then marked the bag of IV fluid with her pen
and finished, " Another bag of this, and you should be able to
come off IV hydration. "

Part 17a of 19a and b

" Hmmmm, " Scully replied softly, as she gazed out the window
longingly, as she drew her arms up around herself and closed her
eyes. She was very tired. Her drug induced bouts of 
unconsciousness were not restful to say the least. The 
hallucinations were at times quite vivid, precluding her mind 
from a moments piece. ' Ahhh, a bubble bath and a nice warm bed. 
Now that would be wonderful. '

" Who is that dish? " Sara questioned, her lilting voice bathed in 
innocence, as she raised her wrist again to look at her watch, as
she counted to Scully's respirations. Ever since coming on shift, 
she had heard about the dark handsome man whom had waited 
impatiently just to see her. All of the other staff was all a buzz 
over it, speculating as to what they meant to one another.

Bright blue eyes suddenly met the light with renewed interest.
" Who, ah Mulder... " Scully replied matter of fact, as she 
tucked a strand of sun kissed fire behind her ear as she arched
a graceful brow, " He is my partner. "

Sara chuckled slightly as she walked over to the sink. She turned
on the spigot and squirted some of soap into her slender hands.
" Sure whatever you say, partner... " She retorted as she brought
her hands under the steaming water and began to rub them together,
the friction a not so pleasant feeling.

" No, it's true. " Scully insisted firmly, as she turned to face
the nurse across the room. Her blue eyes filled with hope and
faith, as she meditated ' However I think that will be changing 
very soon. '

" Honey, you maybe only partners, " Sara retorted with honesty,  
" but that man obviously has deep feelings for you. And from the 
looks of things, the feeling is mutual. I am gonna leave. A tray 
will be coming so for you to eat. Nothing fancy, an all liquid 
diet for now... " She then reached for a towel and carefully dried 
off her hands, using the towel to turn the water off. " I will 
call that Romeo back in before he implodes... " Sara finished as 
she turned to look at Scully, " A little advice, get him while you 
can. He loves you, but without knowing how you feel, it will 
suffer, I guarantee it. Love cannot exist for long in a vacuum. " 


                       
                     ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


University Hospital
SUNY Health Science Center
Level 1 Trauma
Syracuse, New York.
1100



Mulder peaked his head inside of the door, the bright sunlight
steaming in the sterile, impersonal room gave to some life and
some hope. The TV was on to the news, the voices muted down to
soft whispers. As he glanced over to where Scully's bed was, he 
noticed that she was precariously seated upright in the hospital 
bed, her tiny bare feet dangling quite far from the floor. On top
of her bedside stand table was a tray of suspicious looking items
which she was picking at. Mulder had to stifle the chuckle which
threatened to escape his tight lips. Just the sight of her legs
so far off the ground was quite amusing. " Scully? " Mulder said
tightly, trying to avoid chuckling, to keep from humiliating her 
further.

Scully looked up to face the voice, which she knew as well as her 
own, and a smile played at the delicate corners of her mouth. Her 
intense cerulean eyes met Mulder standing there with the biggest 
grin, revealing gleaming white teeth. He in a calculated move then
brought his trembling hands out from behind his where he back held 
a immense spray of blossoms. Vivid blues, reds, yellows and 
purples beheld her attention as he proclaimed, " I stole these 
from the guy down the hall, he broke his leg so I had a head 
start. "

Scully smiled brightly, those words evoking a recollection of when 
he had come and visited her at the hospital when she was first 
diagnosed with cancer. ' We have come along way since then 
Mulder, ' she mused thoughtfully as she tapped the green cube of 
cloudy Jell-O with her small spoon. The gelatinous substance 
wiggling limply on the plain white plate, a most pathetic sight 
indeed. Scully dropped the spoon to the plate with a loud clink 
as she blew out breath of disgust and set her jaw firmly.

" What is it Scully? " Mulder queried, his voice dripping with 
concern. He walked over silently, his footfalls clicking 
cautiously on the spotless bleached tiles. From the report of the 
nurses taking care of her, she was to start an all liquid diet in 
order to restart her digestion. Before she was to leave her, 
eating at least three meals progressing up in consistency was 
necessary.  

" I'm not sure what it is, but I suspect that it is supposed to be
food. " Scully retorted, her voice soaked in biting sarcasm. She 
then picked up at glass of olive-drab colored liquid and attempted 
to take a sip of it and when the chalky, sickly sweet substance met 
her tongue she dropped the glass down with a clatter, the fluid 
slurping over the side and splattering against the puke green tray
on which it sat.

Mulder put the flowers on the corner of the bedside stand table 
and lifted the glass, sniffing it with an expression of disgust 
which certainly didn't sell the necessity well. He had smelled cow 
shit better than that. " What the hell is that stuff, " Mulder 
queried as he wrinkled his nose, small lines creasing his smooth 
forehead. ' And she is supposed to get better eating that stuff? '

" That is Ensure, " Scully informed quite professionally with an
arched brow as she then proceeded to push away the tray table lest 
she deposit the juice which she had managed to get down, " a 
complete nutritional drink. Nutritional for what I am not sure, 
for I know I can't drink it in * this * lifetime. "

Mulder looked over at her as he set it down and smiled brightly,
for there in the corner of the crease of Scully's lips was a 
single drop of the offensive substance clinging there for dear 
life. With no regard for consequence, he brought his finger to her 
soft yielding lips, a low gasp emitting from them, and wiped 
the liquid to his rough fingertip. As he withdrew, he noted that  
quite a wild shudder ran though his partner and with a flourish 
he brought it into his mouth saying, " I don't know Scully, it 
isn't that bad after all. "

One could have heard a single strand of hair drop in a crowded 
room with that comment.

Scully forced a blush from stealing across her features as her 

breath hitched. She could feel the incessant pounding of her 
heart, accompanying the burning hole which had taken residence in 
her chest. She averted his hazel eyes from hers as she wiped her 
moist shaking palms on the flocculent material of her hospital 
gown. She felt herself grow quite distressed, but in a very 
pleasant way. A familiar burning ache suddenly surfacing in areas 
where they ought not be in a public place.

Mulder inhaled a breath of anger at himself for being so forward
at a time like this. Innuendo was part of their perfunctory dance, 
but with her right here, it wasn't called for. She needed him to 
be the strong, in control until she was ready to assume her place. 
Silently chastising himself for his impudence, he centered his 
thoughts and said avoidingly, " So what's * that * Scully? I have 
never seen cloudy Jell-O before.

Scully devoured a ragged breath, her lungs burning with the effort 
and offered, " That is Hi Protein Jell-O. " She lifted her eyes to 
meet his, their hearts and souls meeting and questioning. A 
question asked and a message received. Scully reached over with
a slender hand and picked up the mug of steaming coffee, its
welcome flavor a kind distraction from the situation at hand. She
took a slow sip of its bitter essence, her thoughts swirling with
the cream which she had added earlier.

" Oh my... " Mulder continued on this very safe and quite amusing
topic, " It kinda resembles a something that I saw in ' Paranormal
Happenings. ' " He reached over and picked up the bowl, a 
mischievous gleam twinkling in his now moss green eyes. He twirled
it in the air for her to see, his long fingers chilled by the
coolness of the china. " Look, see what it does when I tip it 
upside down and... "

" Fox?" A distinct, thin voice called out from the door which 
neither of them had noticed open. Agent Barton walked in, her dark 
hair twisted into a French knot at the top of her head. She 
reached down and smoothed the tight fit of her tailored jacket over 
her ample bosom, which she knew to be her best asset. She looked 
over at the couple, carefully investigating the green Jell-O which 
Mulder held in front of himself. A bemused smile graced her 
seductive lips as she touched the tip of her pink tongue to the 
corner of her mouth.

" Barton... " Mulder replied as he put the bowl back down upon the
tray which held the liquids which Scully had discarded. He looked
at her, his face unmoved and professional. " May I help you? " He
finally asked as he stepped from the table to stand at the head of
Scully's bed. 

Barton reached up and smoothed the stray piece of hair which had
fallen across the side of her face. " May I speak to you for a 
moment in private? " She gestured with a long slender arm towards
the door just behind her. Now that Scully was back, she could
* see * how far she could interest Mulder. She had gotten the 
promotion that she had so desperately wanted from her work on the
case, and now she was testing the waters on part 2.

Mulder reached over and placed his hand on Scully's slender 
shoulder, the torridity of her skin searing through the calluses 
on his hand. His eyes following the curve of her luscious lips, 
which he felt still imprinted upon his. He so furiously wanted to 
take her in his arms once again and kiss her until she screamed 
for mercy, but he knew that as soon as she was released and was 
stronger, he was going to * show * her just how much that he 
needed her. " I'll be right back, " Mulder reassured as he smiled 
and walked slowly over past Barton and out the door.


Scully studied Barton with a careful eye, a familiar sense of
unease filling her heart. There was something about her, she 
couldn't quite pin her thoughts on it, but it unnerved her. Scully
tucked the reddish gold wave of her hair behind her ear, as she
reached over and picked up the carefully folded napkin and wiped
her lips with it, trying to break the stare which Agent Barton
was giving her.

Barton turned on her too high heels and walked out the door, her
ample hips swaying gracefully in the navy blue skirt which she
wore. The door swung closed behind her, the door clicking softly
with the contact at the door jam.

Scully blinked slowly and turned to lie once again back in her 
bed, the mattress crinkling softly under her slight weight.
She moved about stiffly, attempting to get into a comfortable 
position in spite of her corporeal bodies deep discomfort. 
Scully finally settled on her right side, closing her eyes to 
the dissonance of the world about her. She still felt very
uncomfortable about Barton. She did see Mulder and she kissing
in the hall, however Mulder was with her and had kissed her
so even if there had been something between them, it was now
over. Love had finally won. A small smile broke across her face,
as she found her thoughts floating up to the heavens, joining
the universal oneness of life, the opposite of evil.


                       ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


University Hospital
SUNY Health Science Center
Level 1 Trauma
Syracuse, New York.
1145 hrs 


Mulder leaned against the wall, his head just clearing hers as he
leaned towards her, her floral scented perfume, overpowering the
antiseptic smell of the corridor, making his head spin. " I am 
glad that you came here. I needed to talk to you. " That much was
true. He still wasn't clear as to what may have happened between
Scully and she, but this one thing was true, her help had been
invaluable in bringing Scully back to him.

" I never got to thank you for everything that you did, " Mulder 
shared as he looked into Barton's dark eyes, " I owe you. Without 
your help, we may never have gotten to her. You have done so 
much... I'm glad that you were promoted. You deserve it. " Because 
of Barton's invaluable assistance on the case, she had been 
offered a new job at the New York City bureau. From some of the 
conversations that he had overheard, he knew that this was what 
she had been working for. Mulder suppressed a flash of intense 
desire, if it hadn't been for his intense feelings for Scully, he 
might have taken her up on her previous offer. She was beautiful, 
smart, dedicated and quite willing, a great combination. 

" Thank you, " Anna offered as she smiled brightly, attempting to
show as much teeth as possible. She leaned forward, making sure 
that her unbuttoned blouse displayed her best assets to the man 
before him. She brought her hand up to twirl a strand of dark hair
around a slender finger, " But that is not the only reason that I 
came here. "

Anna placed her other hand down on top of Mulder's forearm and 
squeezed gently as she spoke to Mulder her voice dripping with
innocent seduction, " Now that Agent Scully is back and safe, I 
want to pick up where we left off. I find you... How do I tell 
you this? I have never met anyone like you. You do things to 
me... " She then leaned forward and whispered softly, as she 
brought her soft, luscious lips up to meet his trying to reel her 
intention in. She pressed herself firmly against him, forcing her 
tongue into his mouth.

After a moment of kissing him, his response less than desirable,
she leaned back and added as she swept her eyes over his lean
features, " I want you... "

Mulder shook his head, his shock at her audacity too much for him 
to process. He liked aggressive women, but only one in particular,
Scully.  " Anna... I think that you have the wrong impression, "
Mulder said as he backed away, trying to free himself of her
clutches. " I like you but not in that way... " Mulder stated as
he directed them into the alcove just behind Scully's door seeking
some privacy. " I... "

" Don't deny that you want me, " Anna interrupted curtly, her
annoyance becoming quite evident upon her well painted features.
She wasn't used to being turned down flatly, and she wasn't 
pleased at the least, " I know you do, I... "

Mulder reached over and grabbed her firmly by the shoulders and
shook her gently, trying to make is point across, " I think that 
we need to talk. This has to stop... " He gestured with his other
hand for her to follow him. He was flattered, but he needed to
make is point clear and he knew that this would take some time.


                    
                         *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


University Hospital
SUNY Health Science Center
Level 1 Trauma
Syracuse, New York.
1145 hrs


Sound. Soft uttering tones brought Scully back to earth...
Out of the periphery of her hearing she could hear two voices 
conversing and her curiosity got the better of her. Blue eyes met 
the pure light, framed by dark lashes. 

She glanced out of the open blinds, noticing that she could
just make out two figures to the corner of the breakfast cart out
side of her door. The two figures were deep in discussion. As the
cart moved past them, she noticed that it was Mulder and Barton
who was so cozily huddled together...

Scully sat up intently, a stab of burning pain surging through her
in a heated wave. ' It's not what it looks like Scully. You and
he just kissed. ' Scully cogitated as all of the memories of Anna 
and what she had done her came rushing back. She could still see 
Mulder kissing her in the hall of their motel. Scully shook her 
head, trying to clear her thoughts. Mulder had made his choice,
right?

Suddenly, Anna reached up and kissed Mulder full on the lips, and
Scully nearly fell off her bed. Mulder didn't seem to be fighting
her off and from the looks of things to her, he seemed to be
enjoying it.

Scully closed her eyes from the punishing vision, willing the
burning wave of pain which swept her out into the deep sea of
oblivion to drag her under. ' Oh, God. * That * is why he pushed 
me away... He didn't want me kissing him. He wants her. Only 
her. ' Scully mused as she felt her heart take its last beat and 
fall to the floor beneath her dangling feet. She opened her eyes 
to confirm what she had just see, but the corridor was now empty, 
devoid of life, just like her soul. However, she had her answers. 
Pfaster was right about one thing. She would never be with Mulder. 
Tears of rejection and disappointment filled her heart. She felt 
the tears fall down her face in torrents which she couldn't 
control.


Part 17b of 19a and b

She stubbornly wiped them away with a slender arm, her strength
once again fully in place.

She wasn't angry. Anger never even crossed her thoughts. She felt
shame and self recrimination only mixed with a healthy dose of
deep despair mixed in. 'All of these years. All of the innuendo, 
all of the glances were nothing. They * were * my imagination 
seeking for something that clearly wasn't there. How come I have 
never seen it before? All of those woman he paid attention to... 
Tall, graceful, beautiful. I never have fitted that profile. I am 
just Scully; partner, best friend and ass saver. He never saw me 
in that way. The kiss, his confession, only was to insure that I 
stay here with him. He needs me, but only for the cause.'

' He doesn't want me, he wants her. I was so stupid. I allowed 
myself to believe that he loved me once again. Why do I do this to 
myself? Oh God... The kiss... He is going to ask me what that was 
about.  His little talk, oh God he is gonna know! Then he is going 
to feel bad and pity me... What the fuck have I done? I may just 
have driven him away and lost my job in the process... Think... 
Think... ' Scully searched her thoughts for a plausible denial. 
' Ok. Drugs. I still have some of the Scopolamine in my system. 
Blame it on the drugs... Then I need to get away from her 
as fast as I can I... '

Scully knew what she had to do.  She reached for the call bell,
the smooth white nub, cool to her heated touch. This had to stop.
She needed to take control...



                    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*



1220
University Hospital
SUNY Health Science Center
Level 1 Trauma
Syracuse, New York.




Skinner reached for the door handle to Scully's room. Mulder and 
she had had plenty of time to catch up, and there was still work 
to be done. Scully was not obviously up to doing the final report,
so Mulder would have to do it alone. However, Skinner had gotten a 
call from the locals. Since a shooting had taken place, Scully 
would have to submit to questioning as per protocol. They had 
agreed to come by and speak to her at the hospital, and so he 
needed to make sure when.

Skinner pushed the door open, the hinges silently gliding into
the cool expanse of the room. Standing there to his astonishment
was Scully, dressed in two sizes too big scrubs, which resembled 
the uniforms which the staff wore, attempting to put on a tennis 
shoe with one hand as she leaned heavily against the bed next to 
her. Skinner swore silently as he marched over to her quickly, 
his aspect etched in the concern which he felt very deeply. 
" Scully, where the hell do you think you are going? " Skinner 
barked as he brought his hands down upon her slight shoulders.

Scully stood up and turned to face him, her face still red and her
eyes swollen from her release. She smoothed down the top, which 
hung nearly to her mid thighs and said rather firmly, " I sir, am 
going back to my motel. " She needed to get out of here. She 
needed some space. This was not the place or time to deal with 
this. She felt especially self conscious that her boss was seeing 
her this way. He didn't need to be subjected to her failures. That 
would not be professional.



Skinner searched her face. He could see that she had been very 
upset recently but he knew not to call her on that. He knew that
overt emotionalism to Scully was invidious. Her professionalism
coupled with her personal need to be in control being the key
factors. Skinner sucked in a breath, and prepared to step away
when, she swayed slightly from her lack of balance making him
more concerned with her safety than anything else. " But... "
He uttered as he tried to break her impending fall.

Scully shook her head, as she brought her hand up in front of her
to warn him off. " I am fine, " she said resolutely, " no real 
injuries. I am still a little foggy, but some fluids and sleep 
will do the job. " She knew that wasn't the case. What ailed her 
would take more than simple band aid treatments for her heart was 
splintered into a thousand irretrievable pieces of torment.

Skinner looked about, his alarm going off loud and clear. " Where 
is Mulder? " Skinner asked as he spun around, his frustration and
anger getting the best of him. The room was empty and silent save
for the two of them. He looked back towards her and reiterated 
strongly, " Why isn't he here with you? " He shoved his hands into
his pocket and huffed loudly, trying to control the anger which
was seeping from around his carefully maintained edges.

Scully took a step to go around the towering personage of her
superior. His sheer size and bulk still sometimes to this day
disturbed her. However she knew that he would never hurt her so 
she ignored her nervous apprehension. As he stepped in front of 
her she quipped rather harshly her wounds rather raw, " I am not 
Agent Mulder's keeper. I don't know * where * he went. He was 
here. He stopped by for a moment and had * more * pressing matters 
to attend to. "

Skinner brought his hands up to his furrowed brow, he could feel
the tension building and he was more confused than ever. " More 
pressing matters? "  Skinner questioned himself as much as her,
" I don't follow you. " Where would Mulder go? After going crazy
for how long because of her absence, and he leaves her like this? 
This wasn't making any sense to him. He shifted his weight 
slightly, trying to gain the ground which he felt was slipping 
away from him.

Scully shrugged her shoulders and crossed her arms about her
slight figure in a weak gesture to console herself. No matter how
much she promised herself, she still felt betrayed in the most
personal of ways. She knew that she had been wrong all along, but
that knowledge didn't make it any easier to accept the truth that
she had come to believe. She took a deep, ragged breath squelching
the need to scream in anger and instead informed softly, " Agent 
Barton came by. They seemed to have matters they needed to discuss. 
He never told me where they were going, they just left. " As she 
turned to sign the consent forms, the room began to spin slightly 
and she swayed slightly towards her left.
 
Skinner caught her fall. His hands grasping her shoulders firmly.
He had never, until now noticed just how small and thin she was. 
With her suits and heels coupled with her powerful personality,
the image she portrayed hid the real woman behind it. "  Whoa, "
Skinner declared softly as her steadied her. " You shouldn't be 
standing yet. You are still too unsteady. " He could feel her
petite bones trembling barely under his touch, and he released
his grasp slightly for fear of hurting her.

Scully wrenched herself from his grasp. All she needed was to get
out of her and get some air. This room was to be ever imprinted
in her psyche as the place that her Truth had been revealed. She
tucked a stray lock of fire behind her ear, " I am fine sir. " She
uttered professionally, " I know I have a statement to give and a 
report to finish. " She turned from him once again and finished 
signing the medical release.

Skinner brought his hands up in the air in frustration. ' What the 
hell is going on? We get Scully back, and yet things are as nearly
bad as before. Mulder is off somewhere doing God knows what and
Scully is here falling apart right in front of my eyes. ' " I 
thought that he wouldn't dare leave your side after we got you 
back. I thought that he wanted to be here with you, " Skinner 
finally exclaimed as he pulled her slight figure to face him. 
Skinner was lost, what had set her off? What had happened between 
them?
 
Scully looked up at him, the yet to be shed tears glittering 
brightly in her sapphire blue depths. She then looked down at
her feet, trying to will the wave of grief which threatened to
drown her in its wake. Then in the softest voice he had ever 
heard, " Why would you think that sir, we are just partners, 
friends. He was here, saw that I was fine, and left. Just as it 
should be. "

Skinner place his hand on her shoulders, trying to grasp what
she was saying. Was he so wrong? Had he misunderstood Mulder's
motivations after all. True, Mulder had said practically everything
else * but * those three words, however at the time, he thought 
that it was just Mulder being Mulder, nothing else. Skinner 
squeezed her shoulder gently and said in reply trying to reassure 
her, " He was so upset... "

Scully nodded her head slowly. That she did know beyond all else.
Mulder did care for her. She was an important part of his life,
and in this she could take comfort. She met his gaze once again 
and smiled slightly, a forced smile which looked more like a 
grimace than anything else. She closed her heart and focused her 
eyes, " I am sure he was. He cares for me a great deal. However, 
that is as far as it goes. We are partners and friends and nothing 
more...  Just as we always have been. Just as we will always be, " 
as she had said that her voice was husky, so full of pain that it 
wrenched both of their ears.
 
" Scully... " Skinner said uselessly. His heart bled for her to
the point that his mere words were clearly inadequate. He closed
his eyes momentarily, remembering the pain that he felt after
her had lost Sharon. He remembered hearing Scully's confession to
him not so long ago, and this knowledge made it that much worse.

Scully tried to put on a stoic, accepting facade. She squared her
shoulders and stood up straight. Ahab had taught her well. She
was the good little soldier. Emotions were useless bitter 
creatures which sullied the world around them. She could get 
through this. She was strong. " It's ok sir, " Scully said with a 
resolute voice, there is nothing to feel bad about. Everything is 
as it should be. "

" Tell him..." Skinner muttered, as he looked her squarely into 
her eyes. " You have to tell him. " He however knew her answer 
before he had even finished uttering those words. Scully would 
never tell him. She would never betray the code by which she lived 
her life. She would never risk loosing what they had, 
professionally and personally, just for her needs. 

Scully's face became pale; small beads of perspiration shined
like crystals on her brow. " There is nothing to tell him sir.
I think that you are making assumptions, which shouldn't be made.
There has never, and will never be any behavior which could be
construed as unprofessional on our parts. I just need to get out
of here, get back to DC. I need some time, that is all. "
She reached up and took his hand off her shoulder and squeezed it 
in hers. She knew that this was the right thing to do. The love 
that she felt for him would never be spoken of again. It would be 
left on the floor of this very exam room, to lay with the other 
discarded remnants of her life.



                    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*



1245
Eastbound on Route 5;
West Genesee St.
Syracuse, NY


AD Skinner flashed over at the woman seated across from him. From 
the moment they had left the ER she had fallen in slumber. Her 
head inclined slightly to the right, the mussed strands of golden 
fire falling to obscure her face from his vision. The bright 
sunlight resonated off the tussled waves, nearly blinding his 
sight with its effulgence. The only sounds filling their 
commodious silence being her gentle, typical breaths. 


Part 18a of 19a and b

Skinner averted his attention from the woman and back to the road.
His anger with Mulder intensifying by each passing moment. What 
the hell had happened that he would leave her in such obvious 
distress? He claimed that he cared for her a great deal; yet 
Scully was alone dealing with something that was so big that she 
could barely keep it together. He knew Mulder to be an extremely 
intelligent man, but this little episode, was further proof in 
his mind, of just how careless Mulder could be.

Skinner wasn't sure of how to best deal with the situation. He
knew that Scully would remain professional and not let this 
affect her work. That simply wouldn't be her. But Skinner knew
that somehow this situation had been rectified, no matter what
the cost.

He had been sure, during his conversations with Mulder, that he
really loved Scully. Even though, the evidence pointed to the
contrary, Skinner was now becoming skeptical. Should they even
be together if this was what would happen as a result? They were
both better together than apart, but was the promise of something
better worth what they could lose? He had never seen Scully so
rattled before, it just wasn't she, so was this all worth it? He
wasn't sure. Of course it would help to know what had happened
between them, but he also knew that Scully would never tell him.
He knew that she would never mention this incident again and it
would just vanish with the incoming tide to be swept out to sea.

Skinner made a left and turned onto the street where Mulder's and
Scully's motel was. The bright afternoon sun beating through his
windshield and making the cabin quite uncomfortable. Skinner 
brought his broad hand to his brow and wiped the glistening little 
beads of sweat that he found there.

Suddenly a tumultuous taking in of breath, caught his ear and he
turned as a faint rustle of movement joined the unusual breathing.
He hazarded a glance over at the tiny woman seated across from 
him. Scully's face had toppled back upon the headrest, her elegant 
lineaments twisted into an expression, which said it all. 

Apprehension. Pure, uncensored dread and terror. 

Skinner reached over and grasped her hand across the space between 
them stating benignly, " Scully it's ok. You are experiencing a 
dream. " He squeezed her hand firmly, trying to reassure her 
through the sheer force of will. But in spite of his best efforts, 
her bodily movements became more irritable and her low alto moans 
began to fill the air with her experience.

From the peaceful silence of Scully's rest, in her slumbering 
dreams she found herself back in the swirling black dungeon that
had been her prison for 5 days...

It was dark, a cold penetrating darkness, which reflected the 
turmoil which existed within her soul. Beneath her, the thin damp 
futon shifted under her unsubstantial weight. From overhead, she 
could just make out soft foreboding footsteps, creaking across the
wide floor boards which she knew existed above her head. 

Suddenly a bright light flooded into the seeping darkness,
shattering Scully from the deceptively soothing darkness which she
found herself immersed in. And from that Shadowy curtain, a voice
called... " I told you Girlie Girl, it is your fate. You are
destined to be here with me... "

" Scully! " Skinner yelled loudly as he shook her limp arm. She 
had proceeded from whimpering to talking unintelligibly and was 
now thrashing aggressively against an sightless adversary. 

Skinner was not quite sure what to do. Should he wake her up, or
should he wait it out until they got to the hotel or whatever came 
first? He could tell by her actions that it had to be a very bad 
one and once again her silently cursed Mulder for not being here. 
' Jesus Mulder, she has been there for you whenever you have needed 
her, no questions asked. But the time that she needs you? "

Scully's fear filled attentions finally met the bright light of 
the day. Scully took in a ragged breath, her heart beating wildly 
within the borders of her chest. The desperate pleas of Skinner
reaching her through the darkness which enveloped her.

She looked about the cabin, her eyes darting nervously about
in worry. She tried to draw in another deep breath, but found the
incessant pounding of her heart made it too difficult to comply. 
A silent sob escaped her lips as warm salty tears fell down her
pale, drawn face.

Skinner squeezed her hand firmly once again, as he asked worriedly,
" Are you ok? " He felt more than inadequate. He clenched the
steering wheel tightly with his free hand, his knuckles becoming
white with his efforts. He also felt the thumping of his heart,
his hands humid with his uneasiness. ' What the hell do I do?
Where the fuck are you, Mulder? '

Scully closed her eyes, and began to center herself. ' Deep breath
in through nose, out through mouth. ' She mused silently. Scully
drew her arms around herself, in a futile comforting effort. She
knew that what had happened to her would be with her for quite
a while. She however was more than just a bit embarrassed with her
display in front of her boss. ' Jesus, Dana. Get a hold of 
yourself ' Scully felt a cool shiver run down her spine and she 
trembled with its presence. " I'll be ok. I just need some time, "
she said as she reopened her eyes and looked out the window at
the world speeding by.




               *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Skyline Motel
Syracuse, NY
1400hrs


Scully sat in her floral scented, bath water. Steam rose like 
tendrils of flickering light in the dim light afforded to her by 
the overhead lighting which graced the small bathroom. She took 
the soft sponge and squeezed it gently, allowing the fluid to flow 
silkily over her the swells of her swaying breasts, causing 
ripples to form around her slight body.

Scully allowed herself to sink further into her watery heaven that 
she had created for herself, trying to will the events of the past 
few days from her mind and from her heart. Now that she had freed 
herself, there was a lot of work to be done. And all of it was 
Mulder. In that hospital room, she had allowed herself once again 
to believe the lie which her heart told her. But this time, she 
had made a very fatal mistake. She had acted upon her delusion and 
now she was going to pay for it. She had crossed the line, and had 
lost. Scully felt a temporary flash of pain curse through her soul, 
but the strong arm of resolve quickly extinguished it, like cold 
water on a blistered burn. The force of her sheer will, drawing the 
very breath from her body.

' Dana, you really need to get a life, ' she mused softly to 
herself as the stretched out her slender leg from the quickly 
dissipating bubbles, the shocking coolness of the contrast between 
hot and cold causing billows of quavers to dance over her heated 
flesh.

In spite of her earlier resolve a lone, rogue tear which was 
perched upon a gently fluttering eyelash, fell tracing a lazy 
path down the pale, lightly freckled skin of her gently sloping 
cheek. As it reached the line of her jaw, it glittered just as 
brightly as the icy blue depths of her pain infused eyes.

' I don't need him or anyone to fulfil my life. I have everything
that I need. ' Scully thought sadly, as she tucked a stray strand 
of now damp molten copper touched with gold behind her delicate 
ear with a perfectly manicured hand.

Scully had been tired after finally moving her belongings to this
room. Her old room was still taped and the room which Mulder had
managed to obtain her was directly next to his. With his still
obvious ' relationship ' with Barton, she didn't want to have to
be in a position to see or to hear them together. Skinner had
protested, but he finally relented and with his help, moved her to
a room on the second level, far from any disturbing occurrences. 
She had laid down however sleep had been an elusive friend at best. 
She knew that she wouldn't really rest until she finally got back 
to her own place, far away from the horrible memories which 
Syracuse now held for her.

For not only had she nearly lost her life in that dirty, crowded
city, she had lost something ultimately move valuable than just
her corporeal existence.

She had lost her heart, full of hopes and dreams.

' Anna called him Fox ' Scully's still disbelieving mind supplied. 
Of course many of the woman whom he had made a personal connection 
with had called him by his first name with his explicit 
permission, all except Scully. 

Never Scully.

Scully had tried once long ago, as she had tried the one and only
time to shared her feelings with him. However his strong rebuke 
had challenged her enough, that she knew she wouldn't ever try 
again. That comment had hurt her, much more than she would ever 
let on. But somehow, even in the light of that revelation, she 
still had gone on believing that he might have some feelings for 
her. She had missed the point on that one and on many subsequent 
ones to come. Her blind faith had clouded her judgement she had 
assumed things existed without confirming their presence. ' Never 
assume anything... It makes an ass outta you and outta me, ' her 
father would always say. ' How come in my professional career I 
always demand proof, but in my personal life, I make this kind of 
mistake? '

Scully leaned back and closed her eyes, her still very fresh
realization twisting violently like a hot knife in the very center
of her being. ' How could have I been so stupid? How could I have
missed all of the signs along the way? You know why you did 
Dana... You wanted to believe. You needed to believe. You knew way 
down deep inside, but you refused to see what you know that was 
there. '

She knew that she had to get over this. She knew that she had to
go on and quench the feelings that she felt for him in some other
way than exploring them with him. She now knew that was never to be
realized. She wasn't what she had thought she was. And what was 
worse, she knew that she couldn't blame anyone other than herself 
for the situation.

' Did he really ever feel attracted to me or even have those kind 
of feelings for me at all? Or was it he was finally just tired of
waiting, and decided a sure thing was better than a poor risk. '

Either way, she knew that she didn't really want to know the
truth.

For she knew that the truth was very evident. Scully wasn't what
he wanted in a personal relationship. That was all that she needed
to know.

They had always seemed to have issues of trust, respect and 
equality which reared their ugly heads time and time again. These 
very real issues often time threatened to tear them apart, causing 
rifts between them that often existed for some period of time. 
However she had denied their true meaning by telling herself they 
were just the normal ebbs and flows that all long term 
relationships under went She had never dared allow herself to 
explore the possibilities any further.

And then there were the women, which she had met which he had 
shown interest in. Phoebe, Bambie, and Det. White, Diana, Karin 
and now Anna.

They were her living proof.  

Scully was vastly different from all of these women that he had let
in, yet she had ignored the implications and went on believing.

But now she knew the truth. The cold hard truth her weary heart 
and disappointed soul would have to live with day after day. All 
of what had transpired between them, even the most important moment 
in her life to then, had been Mulder's way of assuring that she 
would never leave him. He needed her to accomplish his quest, she 
was a good soldier. Nothing more. She was an ends to an means, a 
way to validate him and his work. She was his friend, confidant 
and partner. 

The teasing innuendoes, and touches she now knew to be just him. 
She could never be what he really needed in his life, someone who 
believed in him without challenging his assertions. She would be 
allowed to shared the journey with him, in his life but not in his 
heart 

Scully accepted this. She had been taught long ago, by the only 
man who had ever really loved her, that sometimes sacrifices
had to be made for the greater good. Sometimes personal agendas
were insignificant to the whole. Scully was strong, determined and
controlled. He needed her. She knew this. She had committed 
herself long ago to the quest at hand, and she not being a quitter 
planned to see it to the very end. No matter what the personal 
cost.

Scully shivered slightly, her slight body easily overcome from the
softly scented water sudden cooling. She rose to her feet slowly,
the tepid water falling like gentle rain from the silky expanse of
her skin. She pulled the soft white thick towel from the edge of 
the tub and wrapped its comforting expanse around her.

She stepped from the tub onto the thick bath mat, which graced her
motel floor, her thoughts still in a heated jumble. She knew that 
she was doomed to be alone and distant for the rest of her life. 
At 30 something years of age, barren and in a job which demanded
so much of her free time, she knew her social options were fixed.
She had made her decision along time ago and she was prepared to 
live by it.

Scully quickly dried herself of, not allowing herself to enjoy the 
feeling of the soft cotton upon her still sore flesh. She wouldn't
allow herself that luxury while she still had Mulder on the mind. 
She pulled on a pair of white silk panties, and began to apply her
floral scented lotion over her freshly washed skin. She closed her
eyes, she just needed to get through today. Once she had some time 
and distance, she would be fine, she always was. 


Part 18b of 19a and b

                          *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


University Hospital 
Syracuse, N.Y. 
1400hrs.


Mulder walked around the nurse's station in the University 
Hospital ER. The click of his dress shoes, a staccato beat that 
pounded in time with his strained heart. His anger over Agent 
Barton's behavior was more than he could bear. ' How dare she come 
here and make a pass at me? Right in front of everyone. I should
have dealt with this sooner. I have not done anything to lead her 
to believe that I was interested in pursuing any sort of 
relationship with her. Even when she kissed me before, I pushed 
her away. Can't she take a hint? 

Mulder had literally dragged her down to a linen closet down the
hall to talk to her in private. After a moment of trying to be
polite and explaining his reasons for not being interested in her,
she had lost it. A heated discussion had commenced, not so kind 
words about Scully being spouted by the brunette. That made Mulder
even more mad. So mad he had threatened to bring her up before the
OPR.

* That * had shut her mouth quite efficiently.

Mulder pushed his anger aside, knowing that it was quite 
insignificant to the matter at hand. Scully needed him, and that 
was all that mattered.

Mulder walked into the room where he had last seen Scully. The
stretcher was remade and empty, the room now devoid of any 
indications that she was ever there. He looked about, finding
nothing that would help him and rushed back out into the corridor
and quickly made his way to the main desk. 

He approached the heavyset woman seated directly in front of him.
" Where is Dana Scully? " Mulder demanded desperately, his voice 
loud and firm. He ran a slender hand through his mussed hair and 
took a deep breath in frustration.

The woman looked up at him from her paper work, his loud behavior
more than a little annoying. She brought her hands up to her ample
bust and asked with annoyance dripping from her shrill voice.
" May I help you? " It was days like these that she really hated
her job.

Mulder shot her a stern glance and repeated more directly, " I
am looking for a Dana Scully. She was in exam room 5, and I left
for a while, where the hell did she go? " He was getting more
angry by the second. He brought his hands into his pockets,
pulling out his badge and flashed it to her.

The woman arched a brow, reminiscent of his Scully as if to say,
' And that is supposed to impress me? ' " Dana Scully, Dana Scully.
Where have I heard * that * name before? Oh, yes. The woman who
left her without medical consent. Stands to figure that * she * is
with you... "

" You let her leave? You let her leave after being exposed to
a powerful drug and nearly being killed. What the hell were 
you thinking? "

" Oh, please spare me the kind words, " she replied sarcastically,
" like * I * can stop anyone from leaving. " She shuffled through
the pile of papers and flashed a lone piece just underneath his
nose. " This allows any patient to leave without medical clearance.
It is called Patient's Bill of Rights. She requested to leave and
after signing the appropriate forms she left with a really cute, 
bald headed guy. " The woman smiled brightly and handed Mulder the
paper as she shot him a look of superiority.

' Skinner, ' Mulder mused as he looked at the form. Sure enough
in Scully's careful cursive was her signature releasing the
hospital from any liability concerning her leaving without
medical consent. Mulder dropped the paper back on the desk and
reached into his pocket for his cell phone, as he walked over into
the waiting room. He hit the buttons for Skinner's speed dial and
pressed send.

" Shit, " Mulder swore spitefully as he realized that his phone
had been off. ' They have been probably trying to call me all
of this time and I never got the call. ' Mulder hit the power,
and tried once again, this time the phone rang through.

A loud, very angry voice answered the call. " This had better
not be Mulder, because if it is I am going to kick your ass. "

Mulder answered the challenge, " Well since it isn't me, then
may I ask you a question? Where the hell is Scully? "
Mulder turned to face the wall, as he noticed several people
look at him in curiosity. 

" * Now * you are concerned. I have been calling you since I
brought her here. Since when have you started leaving your 
phone off? "

Mulder barked back angrily, " My phone was off by accident,
and I have always been concerned. What the hell is going on? "
He looked over at the crowd glancing curiously over at him and
turned to walk out the side door. As he stepped outside, a
cool breeze slid under his trench and elicited a harsh shudder
from his lean frame.

" Scully insisted that she go back to her motel room. I didn't
want her to drive or take a taxi alone in her condition,
so I brought her here. "

Mulder walked over to his car and unlocked the door as he 
answered, " Why did she leave so soon. She left without permission. 
She needs to be in the hospital. " He shut the door and started the 
engine, quickly pulling out of the parking lot, out onto the 
street. 

" I know that, " Skinner answered, " but she wasn't going to take 
no for a answer. She is resting now, but if you know what is good
for you, you will get your ass here ASAP. You have a lot of 
explaining to do. "

With that Mulder heard the phone go dead and he closed the line.
He threw the phone down on top of the seat next to him, and opened
the window slightly. He could tell that Skinner was pissed at him
for some reason, but for the life of him he couldn't figure out 
why. Mulder shook his head and turned on the car radio, letting
the tunes that floated with the ebbing tides of the wind to soothe
him.



                       *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Skyline Motel...
Syracuse, NY.
1430


Mulder walked quickly down the empty hall, the white walls and
monochromatic carpeting nearly giving him a headache from its
repetitiveness. The drive on the way over had been horrendous,
as usual road deconstruction was commencing, and the detours
offered were less than shortcuts. Mulder's head had been
spinning like a level four tornado on the way over, his thoughts
offering every single plausible scenario as to why Scully had
fled from the hospital. However, nothing had came close to
explaining it well enough to still his panic stricken heart.

As he banked the corner which was just down the hall from his
and Scully's rooms, he heard a very pissed, very loud voice
call out to him from just down the way. " Where the hell have you 
been? " Skinner stood there, leaning against the off white wall,
his free hand lying challengingly on his hip.

" I sir, have been in the worst traffic that I have ever seen.
What is wrong with Scully? " Mulder implored as he stepped up to
stand in front of Skinner. Mulder pulled at his overcoat feebly,
the heat from the afternoon sun, warming him just a bit to much
for his liking.

" I should be asking you that very same question... " Skinner 
replied as he fingered the warm metal of the key which sat in his
hand. Skinner shook his head and lifted his arm up to gesture 
before him, " I leave her in your care one moment and at the next 
moment, she is visibly upset and checking herself out of the 
hospital against her physician's advice... "

Mulder looked up towards the ceiling, noting a water spot which
hung just above him. He looked down and rolled his eyes, as he
ran his fingers through his mussed hair, his frustration very 
evident in his tone. " I have no clue... I was with her... She 
seemed fine... Agent Barton came in and asked me to speak with her 
and... "

" Well whatever it is, " Skinner interrupted curtly, " you have to 
fix it. Listen to me... Now I do not pretend to know about this 
' thing ' that you and Agent Scully have since that is none of my 
business. However, I can say that the two of you need to find some 
common ground on which to stand. You both have been through so 
much together, that it had bonded the two of you deeply. If it 
goes deeper than professional; deeper than mere friendship than 
you both should deal with it... " Skinner brought his hands up to
cross in front of his chest, letting out a deep breath.

" But sir, fraternization... " Mulder stated weakly, trying to
protect he and Scully. For them to have a chance, they needed
work to be something separate from them. He knew how very 
important Scully's job was to her, and the X-Files were his life.
Hell, they had become her life also. The less people involved, 
the better.

" I trust that whatever the two of you decide will not effect 
your professionalism on the job, " Skinner replied matter of 
fact, " What is out of the office, is none of mine, or anyone 
else's concern... " Skinner nodded his head and tilted his head, 
as if to make a point. What he said was true, to him. They were 
a great team, the best. A personal relationship would only serve
to strengthen their bond. As long as they remained professional,
he would do nothing to stand in their way. " And by the way, what 
did Agent Barton want to speak to you about? Skinner asked as an
afterthought.

" You don't want to know sir... You don't want to know... " Mulder
replied as he brought his hands into his pockets, shifting his
weight from side to side. He didn't want to open that can of worms
at that point. They had enough that they had to deal with. " Is 
she in her room? " Mulder asked as he gestured to the room just 
down the hall from his with a slender hand.

" No, not that room... " Skinner retorted as he shook his head.
He pointed to the level above, his hand graceful. " She requested 
to be put in another room on the 2nd floor. " Skinner held out the
key which he had held in his hand.

" What?, Why? " Mulder asked, his voice filled with confusion. He 
took the key from Skinner's hand, turning the key about in the 
light, the metal shimmering brightly. ' The key to her heart, ' 
he thought as he dropped it into his pocket. ' Now, how to get 
close enough to use it? '

" I couldn't answer you that... " Skinner stated as he stepped 
from the wall, and straightened his tie. He then re buttoned his 
overcoat and straightened his back, " You should go and speak to 
her. I have taken care of things here... I am going back to DC on 
the next flight. I trust that after Scully gives her statement 
that you will take some time... "

" Sir? " Mulder asked, his voice soaked with confusion. He himself
loosened his tie and slipped off his coat, laying it flat on his
forearm. ' Since when did Skinner ever offer for us to take 
time? ' Mulder took out his own key and proceeded to unlock and 
open the door to his own room.


Skinner walked past the door turning to look at Mulder's befuddled
face. Skinner smiled brightly and waved his hand as he said, 
" Scully should take sometime off, say a week and of course you 
will be there to keep an eye on her... " This was what little he 
could offer to their cause. Since being on the X-Files, neither 
had been on a decent vacation, in quite a while. This would be it. 
They deserved some time. After all that they had done, the world 
owed them that much. For when they returned, it would be business 
once again.

Mulder smiled in return, his white teeth shining brightly in the
faint light. ' A vacation... Now that is an idea. Some time for
just us. No aliens, no X-Files, just she and I... Alone. ' The 
numerous possibilities filled his thoughts. " Thank you... "
Mulder replied gratefully, his voice low and reverent.

" No, thank you... " Skinner retorted as he began to walk down the
hall. Silence once again filled the empty space where there voices
once occupied. As Skinner turned the corner, he could hear the 
door click closed softly, and Skinner nodded. He knew that
whatever Scully had waiting for Mulder, it was big. He knew that
it wasn't going to be pretty, so getting as far away as possible
was a good idea.

                     *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~



Hancock International Airport
Main terminal
Syracuse, NY
1450hrs.


A.D. Skinner stood in the middle of the terminal, awaiting the
last call for his flight home. He glanced about the large building,
the sleek interior and spotless full length windows contributing
to the light airy feeling which seemed to infuse the atmosphere.
He pulled his overnight and his garment bag further onto his
broad shoulder, the straps biting deeply even through his overcoat 
and suit.

The air conditioning was on full force, and he felt a breeze blow
gently across his chiseled features. On the board above, he noted
the final call and gate number flash before his eyes. Skinner said
a silent prayer, for Mulder and Scully, the victims of Pfaster's
carnage, and especially for Pfaster. Skinner knew the wonders
which the afterlife held, the beauty and the depth. However, what
it would be like for Pfaster. What lie ahead for his soul? What
retribution for his sins with be enacted? Skinner shuddered at the
thought.

Skinner walked over towards the hall which lead to his departure
gate. His coat swung back and forth behind him, his steps echoing
loudly on the highly polished floors of the terminal. He found 
himself surrounded by the throngs of other passengers which mulled
about, attempting to get to their final destination. He forced 
those thoughts out of his mind. Those thoughts were better left 
unexplored. For Skinner, he surmised that Pfaster would get 
whatever he deserved. Whether that be punishment, or mercy...



Part 19a of 19a and b

                      *~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*

Skyline Motel...
Syracuse, NY.
1530 hrs

Mulder walked down the narrow hallway slowly, his mind lost in
a multitude of swirling images. He had changed into a navy blue 
Henley and his favorite jeans, knowing that this was personal and
work was to be a separate relationship.  He came to the door which 
he knew to be Scully's and knocked on the thin, hollow wood firmly. 
His balled slender hand stung slightly from the impact that he had 
created The resulting thudding rang loud and resonant throughout 
the empty hallway. Mulder could smell the mustiness of the cheap 
brown carpeting, the scent causing his sinuses to more than ache 
just a little.

Silence was the only greeter of his discord. ' What the hell is 
going on Scully? One minute we are set to have the talk and the 
next you are running away from me once again. When will the 
running end, Scully? When will we find ourselves finally dealing 
with what we feel for one another. ' The light at the end of the 
hallway was faint, casting faint shadows in the windowless hall, 
the lone silent sentinels of the drama about to take place, in 
spite of the high sun just outside of those walls.

Mulder knocked once again but this time his loud, determined voice
joined the solo. " Scully... Are you in there? " He reached in his
pocket for the spare key that Skinner had given him. The key was 
hot, the metal almost scorching him with its brand. A brand which 
burned down to the very depths of his soul, marking his as hers 
for eternity. 

He waited a moment, the silence causing his fear to multiply by
the moment. If he had been worried before, he was now very worried
now. He carefully slid the key into the lock and turned, and swung 
the door open. The fragrant essences of soft florals and baby 
powder which he always associated with Scully, met him as a long 
lost friend. As Mulder looked about, he could see the last visages 
of steam rising gracefully in the shadow occupied corners. Laid out 
on the bed, was Scully's suitcase, her items neatly folded and 
placed, greeted his weary eyes.

As he turned slightly, a flash of gold caught his eye and he 
turned back to examine the fleeting glance further. ' Oh, my 
Scully. You are breathtaking. ' Scully had walked out of the bath 
to her small closet on the other side of the doorframe. Since 
Mulder was hidden from her view due to the small jut in the room 
wall, he could observe her without her knowledge. And what he 
beheld nearly killed him then and there. Scully stood there, ivory 
with gold highlights, wearing the finest of silk bras, and her 
black skirt which he favored among her many.

She was searching through the closet for something that seemed to
be escaping her eyes at the moment. As she moved, the fine muscles
rippled gently over delicate curved angles which served only to
torment his very neglected libido. The length of her back was 
covered with quickly fading bruises; lasting evidence of her 
ordeal. The line of the skirt, accentuated the curves of her 
bottom, a sight which Mulder's vision never got enough of. As he 
watched her, he noted the white cling bandages which encircled 
both of her slender wrists. The cling was pristine and precise, 
obviously just replaced.

Mulder suddenly felt a twist of perversion in his thoughtless act.
He had been violating Scully by his quite observation in her 
clearly vulnerable state. ' Jesus, Mulder. Are you so desperate 
that you need to voyeur upon unsuspecting women. You really need 
to get a life. ' As she went to turn back into the bath, Mulder 
cleared his throat and stepped out of the anonymity of the shadows 
to address the woman before him. " Scully... "

Scully shuddered, brought the shell that she had been 
contemplating to cover her state of undress, as she turned to meet
the voice which so clearly startled her. She arched a well defined 
slender brow as her forehead furrowed slightly in apprehension. 
" Mulder... " Scully said breathlessly, " What the hell are you 
doing? " She had been totally unaware of his presence and his 
jumping out at her had unnerved her to say the least. She found 
that her heart was pounding in her chest, her palms were moist 
and weak.

Mulder stepped forward and put his hands into his pockets. " I 
knocked, " he said informatively, " I called your name but no one 
answered. " He dropped his head and stared at the tops of his
boots. He could tell by her justified reaction to his surprising
her that he had unsettled her. He could see the tension written
clearly over her delicate features from his vantage point. Guilt,
a blanket in which he ensconced himself often, surrounded him with
its icy embrace.

Scully felt very uncomfortable at that moment. She was standing in
front of him, with only a skirt, and her white silk bra. Now, she
was aware that the shirt that she clutched desperately in front of 
her was covering the essentials. However even with this knowledge, 
her state of undress was disconcerting. " As you can see, " she 
retorted firmly, " I am fine. So if you would please leave... " 
With that she gestured the fingers of one of her hands towards the 
door, begging his leave.

Mulder stood there, his breath ragged and uncontrolled. His eyes
had been centered upon the sweet swells of her milky white 
breasts. The thin blouse that she held in front of herself was far 
from adequate in protecting her from his inquisitive gaze. He 
could feel interest growing strong in areas due south and in 
response his jeans were becoming quite uncomfortable. He took a 
deep breath and swallowed hard. He fought an admirable fight to 
keep his lust hidden, but he knew that his time was limited.

Scully began to feel a blush steal across the swells of her chest,
and glide up to the very tips of her ears. ' Get a grip Scully. He
really probably doesn't even notice. He only thinks that you are a
buddy, a good friend. It is highly probable that he hasn't even 
thought of you more than once as a woman. This is no big deal. 
Just finish getting dressed and go on. ' That silent revelation 
weighed heavily upon her heart and she buried that pain deep 
within herself. Now wasn't the time to deal with such things. 
Soon, but not now. " Is there something that I can do for you? " 
Scully inquired as she turned to pull the shirt over her head, her 
back facing him.

Mulder watched her as she pulled the shirt over her head, her hair
falling about her soft features in a blazing halo. ' Scully, God
you are so beautiful. How could you love a bastard like me? I am 
fully aware that I don't deserve you but I will earn that right. 
I promise you that. ' " What are you doing? " Mulder asked softly
as he stepped forward. 

Scully walked into the bath and ran a stiff bristled brush through
her hair roughly. She welcomed the pain. The pain was a distraction
which she found tempting. It relieved her of the constant nagging
which plagued her heart. " For your information, " Scully replied
sarcastically, " even though it * isn't * any of your concern, I 
am getting ready... "

Mulder leaned against the door jam, his arm looped on his hip. He
smiled slightly and said informatively, " I can see that, but why 
are you here and not at the hospital? " He could tell that she 
still needed rest. Her face was pale and drawn, in spite of the 
small numerous angry red scratches which temporarily marred her
smooth complexion. She had carefully applied her make up, but even 
with her best efforts, her faint dark circles were still quite 
evident. As she brushed her hair, her hands shook with the effort. 
Scully looked up at him. She narrowed her deep turquoise eyes and
said in her most professional voice, " I am fine, I didn't see any 
further need for hospitalization. " She sprayed some hairspray
on her hair and walked by the looming figure which filled the door
frame. She really didn't want to speak to him at this point in 
time. She knew that she needed time and space to get over the
intense feelings which she held for the man before her.

Mulder followed her to her closet where she bent over and 
retrieved a pair of high heeled black shoes from the dark recesses 
of the storage area. He could tell that something was disturbing 
her. Her whole demeanor screamed to that end. But the question was 
how to deal with the situation? " What about the room? "

" Room? " She inquired innocently. It wasn't as if she was going 
to tell the truth. ' Sure, Mulder. I switched rooms. I couldn't 
bear the thought of hearing you with her so I ran away like a 
coward. ' She walked over to the bed and seated herself upon the 
mattress. She slipped the heels on slowly, adjusting the white 
cling which encircled her right ankle and then rubbed the bruises 
which remained as her legacy.

Mulder walked over and sat next to her. He could see the distress 
in her face, as she rubbed herself gently. He knew that she 
wouldn't admit to feeling discomfort, for that wouldn't be she, so 
he reached for her ankle and brought it into his lap as he gently 
kneaded the flesh beneath the silky stockings. " Why did you 
request to be moved from the room next to mine? "

Scully suppressed a moan and instead a shiver ran throughout her
slender frame. She could feel that just from a simple application
of his touch, she was beginning to ache deeply. ' Jesus Mulder... 
Why do you have to make me feel so good? It would be so easy to 
walk away if you weren't you. ' " Mulder, I am a big girl, " she 
replied her voice dipped with shaky security, " I can take care of 
myself... Besides it * is * rather inappropriate for us to be next 
to one another with Skinner here... People might get the wrong 
impression. "

Mulder smiled sweetly. He could tell the reaction that he was 
eliciting from her was deep and meaningful. ' She loves me. I know
that. She knows that. Why now when we are so close is it that 
she's closing off to me? ' Mulder continued to massage her sore 
ankle and with a gentle movement slipped the shoe off, beginning 
to work on the knots in her tiny feet " And what is that wrong 
impression? " Mulder teased brightly, " Care to share with the 
class Miss Scully? "

Scully found herself closing her eyes. Her breathing was becoming
shallow and desperate. She found that she was growing more aroused 
by his touch each passing moment. She needed to get this situation 
under control. This was inappropriate, unprofessional and even in 
that light, felt way too damn good. She needed to learn to control 
her basal reactions. She could never allow herself to feel that 
kind of pleasure from his touch for it would only serve to prolong 
her torment more. " Mulder... " She groaned softly in warning.

" Scully, we need to talk... " Mulder stated softly, as he
dug his fingers into the arch of her slender foot.

Scully regretfully pulled her foot away from his ministrations.
She reached down and slipped her shoe back on her foot. She 
glanced carefully at her watch, trying to settle the desires, 
which threatened to inundate her in their course. " You have five 
minutes, so make it good Mulder. " She needed him out of there. 
She needed breathing space, to focus herself.

" About us... " Mulder said as she went to stand up. He grabbed 
her hand gently and pulled her down back on the mattress with a 
soft thud. He kept close grip on her hand, knowing that if given 
the chance she would try to escape the topic at hand, and 
restraint was the only way that he was insured of her undivided 
attention. Her hand was cool and clammy to the touch, his 
analytical brain surmising that she was more than a little 
uncomfortable.


" Look Mulder, " Scully stated as she observantly assessed the 
attention that he was now giving her hand. She found herself once 
again on the slippery edge of the abyss. He was gently stroking 
the soft inner side of her wrist, just above the bandage with the 
pad of his thumb. The effect more than distracting. She could feel 
moisture pooling within her, the realization breaking her 
carefully honed facade. " I need to apologize for the way that I 
acted back in the hospital, " she said weakly, " I shouldn't have 
broken down like that and I definitely shouldn't have kissed you. 
I am very sorry for those indiscretions. The kiss especially; it 
was unprofessional, totally inappropriate given the circumstances, 
and bordering on sexual harassment. All that I can say in defense 
is that I was still under the influence of the drug which Pfaster 
gave me. Even with that, I am really ashamed of what I did. "

" Scully... " Mulder interjected. He knew that this was going to 
be hard, but he wasn't quite expecting this. He pulled gently upon
her forearm and brought his emotion filled hazel eyes to embrace
her cerulean blue ones, full of consternation and regret.

" Look, I know what we are about. You have been every clear from 
the start and I whole-heartedly agree. We are good friends, 
partners, and nothing else. I assure you that it will not happen 
again... Now if you will excuse me, I would like to finish getting 
ready. " Scully was now getting frantic. She needed him out of her 
space, now. Her resolve was weakening as the waves came forth to 
remove each and every pebble that she had carefully mortared in 
place around her heart.

Mulder held fast to his line of inquiry. He could tell that he was
having an effect upon her. Her face was flushed; tiny beads of
perspiration, her gift for his attentions, dotted her upper lip. 
He held his grip strong against her increasing attempts to pull 
herself away from him. He asked her softly, his voice full of 
concern, " Why are you in such a hurry, Scully? "

" Look Mulder, " Scully said as she finally managed to pull away 
from him, " I am sure that you have things that you need to take 
care of here, but I really just want to go home and take some time. 
You can stay here all that you like and finish up with Agent 
Barton, I promise to cover for you. I am sure that you and she 
have some personal matters to discuss. " With that Scully stood up 
and pulled out her briefcase, and began rummaging through the mass 
of papers that she found there. She reached up and tucked the damp 
strand of fire, which had fallen across her cheek, behind her ear 
and took a deep breath. She kept her back towards him, not wanting 
him to see the agony which was indelibly etched upon her visage. 

Mulder stood up his mind finally grasping what was going on
between them. ' Agent Barton? She is worried about Agent Barton? '
" Scully, he uttered softly, " I think that you are mistaken about 
Anna... " He needed to clear up this little mix up. He never 
understood why Scully was so bothered by her. ' Doesn't she know 
that I love only her? No one could ever take her place... She 
should realize that. '

Scully fought the tears, which threatened to fall in torrents down
her face. ' I cannot let him see me like this. I need to be strong
a little which longer. I can do this... ' " Mulder... " Scully
voiced almost inaudibly, trying to warn him to just let it go.

" We aren't involved, " Mulder stated as he brought his hand to 
her slight shoulder. Her muscles were rock hard and tense under 
his loving touch. He then took that hand and stroked the length 
of her hair, the burnished fire was soft, like the most precious 
of silk under his appreciative touch. He had learned a long time 
ago, that to really connect with Scully, touch was very operative.
Her mouth could avoid the issue, but her heart and body couldn't
do the same.

Scully took a deep breath and spun around, looking him straight in
the eyes; blue meeting hazel, immortalized for eternity. ' I have 
to let him know that it's ok. He is afraid to ask for my approval. 
So I will give him the push that he needs. You can't chose the 
ones that you love. And you certainly can't make them love you in 
return. I need to make sure that he finds what he is looking for. 
Even if it isn't what I want. ' " So what are you waiting for 
Mulder? " She inquired firmly as she put her finger in the broad 
expanse of his chest. "  A sign from above? Not that * you * would 
ever believe it. You need to stop hiding and find your way to her 
Mulder. You both like each other, so what is the problem? You are 
both two consenting adults, so what is the big deal. Look, I am 
sorry what I said about her Mulder. I was tired, hungry, and just 
a slight bit frustrated with the case so I overreacted. If she 
makes you happy Mulder, then tell her how you feel. Life is too 
short to waste it with hoping and dreaming, but never really doing 
anything about it. Carpe Diem, seize the day. Don't just think, 
make it happen! "

Mulder's eyes filled with tears. ' You would deny what you feel so
that I could be happy? You would pretend that you felt nothing 
about me, living with the knowledge that I loved another? ' Mulder 
was completely overwhelmed by this realization. Unconditional love 
had not been something that he had experienced before. His parents 
never provided for that basic need, and Sam had been taken away 
from him. Scully was capable of such a deed. He had always been 
aware of that knowledge, but to see to what extent she could 
practice it, humbled him greatly. " But what about your happiness 
Scully? " Mulder beseeched softly. Did she ever think about her 
own happiness?

" I am happy Mulder, " she replied, her voice quavering with 
effort from the biggest lie that she had probably ever told. She 
turned from him to walk over to pick out her jacket from the 
closet. Since he clearly wasn't leaving, she would have to make 
the next move. She had done what she had needed to do. She had 
totally set him free. Even though her heart ached more than it 
ever had before, a sense of peace also accompanied the agony, from
her sacrifice, " I have my work and it fulfills me. I love it. "

Mulder walked over to where she stood. Scully had never been a 
good liar. Her heart was never up to the task. Denial had always 
been her forte. Avoidance her second best asset. She was utilizing 
both now, he recognized it. And he wasn't going to stand for it. 
It was time. " Love... Don't you want love in your life? " Mulder 
inquired as he stepped to her side, her profile now at his disposal.


Part 19b of 19a and b

" Of course I do, " Scully responded as she picked an imaginary 
piece of lint off of the black jacket, " but it is different for 
woman then men. Men are still considered eligible as they get 
older. In fact it can be a turn on for most women, but women on 
the other hand, are not as marketable. Too many younger, more 
innocent women are out there for me to have a real chance, and 
that is fine. I am happy with what I have and I dare not ask for 
more. I suppose that if it's meant to be, it will be, if not... "


Mulder chuckled slightly, " I didn't know you believed in fate 
Scully. " Mulder had her pinned. There was no where that she could
hide and he knew it. He knew what he had to say now. The words 
were quite clear to him. He needed to bring them both back from 
the edge, to find themselves protected by the light of the Truth.

Scully waved a slender hand out on front of her, dismissing his
folly. " I don't... " Scully informed firmly, " It is just a 
figure of speech. " She walked over to the bedside stand table, 
and picked up the phone. She rummaged through the phone book there 
trying to find the number of a cab company. It was time to get out 
of here. She couldn't wait any longer.

" Scully... " Mulder urged lovingly from across the room. The 
words were right there, their flavor new and exciting. They tasted 
of the sea; the very essence of life. They awakened his senses and 
filled his heart with a love so profound he could no longer 
suppress it. Seven years... A life time, now under his command.


" It's ok Mulder really... " Scully said as she wiped a lone tear
which escaped her emotional control. She skimmed the yellow pages,
her eyes blurred from the tears which endured there. Her shaking
finger barely located the phone number which would bring her 
relief from her torment. She began to dial the number, each of the 
numbers filling her ears with their familiar tone as he said...


" No, no it isn't, " Mulder stated as the tears which Scully dared 
not shed, started to fall down his own parched visage. He wasn't 
concerned about sharing them with her. He had earned the right the 
moment that he had realized that he couldn't live without her. 
" Did you know that when he had you, I saw you there? "

Scully turned and looked him straight in the eyes. His hazel eyes
burned with the Truth which he believed would set them both free.
She caught a sob, which had nearly escaped her and managed to 
mumble out, her voice low and husky, " Excuse me? "

" I was there, with you, in your prison, " Mulder shared as he 
took a step forward to close the distance between them. He raised 
his hands in the air, gesturing to her as he continued, " I saw 
the dreams that you had... I saw Melissa, your father, Emily... 
All of those that you have lost in the past years since you have 
met me. I saw the love, the tenderness, the longing... "

" Mulder... " Scully exclaimed as she closed her eyes and centered
herself. She had felt him also. When she had been so close to 
giving up, he had been there to shine his light into the perpetual
darkness. She could remember his voice... How real it was. She 
could feel his very presence, filling her heart and chasing the 
demons from within.

" You know what else I saw? " Mulder implored as he took another 
step towards her. He found himself drawn to her, the pull more 
than he could deny. He brought his hands down to his legs and 
rubbed his damp palms on the material, the cloth strangely 
soothing for him. " I saw myself, Scully. I saw myself, through 
* your * eyes... I saw how you feel about me, just as you feel 
about them... "

" Mulder... " Scully replied, her eyes still closed. She lowered 
her face, her gleaming hair falling down to obscure her features 
from prying eyes. She couldn't open her eyes, she refused to. For 
if she did, she would have to face the reality which stood across 
the room from her. With her eyes closed, reality was what she made 
it. It was under her control. With her eyes open, she was out of 
control.

" You can't deny it, " Mulder replied, " can't deny the connection. 
It has always been there since the first day that we met. Isn't it 
strange how much energy we put into pushing each other away, while 
at the same time trying to pull each other closer. Maybe we ought 
to stop the lies we use to cover our fear. I will take that first 
step... "

Mulder stepped languidly over to stand next to her, his proximity 
allowing for her to see him very clearly. He reached slowly into 
his jeans pocket and pulled out the proof of their love. Mulder 
lifted his hand, allowing the tangible evidence of such to dangle 
from his long, elegant fingers; her necklace the symbol of faith, 
devotion and of everlasting love. It filled the room with its 
light, allowing the warmth to spread exponentially throughout the 
room. He reached over with that same hand, the necklace still
dangling precariously, and stroked the length of her jaw, her
whole body shivering under his attentions.

" Mulder... " Scully expressed, her azure blue eyes filled with 
crystal clear unshed tears which sparkled brighter than the 
brightest star among the heavens. No matter what had ever happened 
to her in the past, Mulder had always kept her safe. He had kept 
vigil when the darkness was at its most threatening. 

" This is the proof which you have always needed to believe.  I 
love you, Scully. " There, he said it. The phrase which was the 
only Truth that really ever mattered. He then walked up behind her 
and put his hands on her hips, ' hips before hands ' his memory 
supplied. He pulled her to him, the length of her backside pressed 
firmly against his. The heat of her being, awakening feeling so 
deep within him that he felt lightheaded. He then took his hand 
and gently stroked the reddish gold of her hair to the side, 
exposing the nape of her neck,  eliciting Scully to lower her head 
in the process. Mulder took a deep breath, the importance of the 
moment overwhelming him, as he lifted the necklace and reached 
over her head, draping the warm metal around her silky neck, 
brushing the skin gently in the process. He was finally going to 
finish what he had started in that hall long ago. What he had 
attempted to clinch on that baseball diamond for her birthday 
present, but had been to afraid to follow through with.

Scully leaned unconsciously back against him. The heat that he was
generating, filling the void which cooled the passions that once 
burned brightly within the fires of her heart. She let out a sigh 
as she closed her eyes, the phone falling needlessly to the floor, 
the sound of the dial tone their only witness. " Mulder... "

" No, more lies " Mulder replied as he turned her to face him. He 
brought her up tightly against himself, losing his rationality 
from the sheer nearness of her presence. " Scully. * I love 
you. * " He stressed as he brought his hand up to cup the curve of 
her face, the tears that she couldn't deny herself flowing freely 
down onto the silk of her silk shirt.

" Mulder? " She appealed as she brought her hand to wipe the tears 
which he now shed with her. ' Oh my God. Is he saying? Am I 
hearing him correctly? Or am I deluding myself once more? " She 
could see her tangible proof before her, the tears falling from 
his red rimmed hazel eyes. Love, fear and healthy dose of desire, 
lived before her with each and every single crystal drop.

" I have loved only you for so long, " Mulder assured as
he brought his other hand up to cradle the other side. He stroked
the sensitive line of her now trembling jaw, the attention causing
her to close her eyes momentarily. ' Believe me Scully. It is
now time for you and I to step forth and take our place in the
light of the day. The darkness no longer is our refuge. We are
each others refuge. '

Scully shook her head, denial shedding its dark cloak over her
understanding, " But I saw you kissing her twice... " Her mind
was in a turmoil, the visions spinning so quickly that she 
couldn't contain them all. She could hear the Truth in his voice, 
see it in his face and eyes, but the tangible proof which she had 
been before kept her from taking the next step that she so 
desperately wanted to take.

" If you had asked me, " Mulder announced huskily, the passion 
dripping from his voice as he entwined his hands in the heated 
curtain of fire which surrounded her face, " I would have told you 
the truth. She has came on to me several times but I never 
reciprocated. I love and need only you. You are everything! Nothing 
else matters. " With that he brushed his firm lips across the lush 
garden that was her mouth. Mulder then leaned back, searching her 
face for his answers.

Scully smiled weakly as a single tear fell from her heated pools 
of blue, tracing a path down the soft angle of her cheek. She 
reached up and stroked the line of his upper lip, noting how 
smooth and warm the flesh was against hers. She stood up on tiptoe, 
whispering softly, " I love you too. " With that she leaned forward 
and touched her lips to his.

Mulder felt her lips caress his. The torridity and silk of her 
amply curved body against his more than enough to awaken the 
passion just below the surface which he barely contained. He met 
her with commensurate tentativeness, using his lips to seize her 
upper one, and with a light stoke of his tongue attempted to 
entice her lower one. Scully groan softly within his arms, and 
then he pulled back just enough to veer his head slightly, opening 
his mouth just enough to allow his tongue to once again graze the 
upper curve of her lip and then with a tantalizing intention, 
nibbled it gently. 

Scully experienced an outburst of ardor rush over her, the 
feelings that she had been repressing for all of the years that 
she had been by his side finally coming forth like a wave of 
unqualified energy and she leaned forward her mouth pressing 
voraciously against his, her soft humid tongue carefully begging 
entry, just as he had done, and with a calenture which had never 
possessed before she pressed up against him and returned the 
conflagration. 

From the light which unfettered them both from their corresponding 
prisons came a desire unleashed, which was borne of seven years of 
disavowal and subjugation. Their tongues met and embraced for the 
second time, Scully trembled under their embrace, driving any 
last continuing apprehension from her, leaving her exposed and 
weak in its recession.

Suddenly the hand which had been caressing the satiny skin of her 
aspect, slid down the silken length of her delicate neck, down 
her trembling shoulder, along her gently curved tummy, until it
met the soft arch of her hip, where he promptly caressed the 
gentle swell of her underside. She moan loudly and she found 
herself gliding and descending headlong into the fervent pyre 
which threatened to consume her. The escalation of burning desire 
which flowed through her instantaneously wetted her silk panties. 
She met him aggressively, her kisses becoming more erogenous, 
more needy than she had ever experienced before. 

Mulder was lost from the moment that their tongues had met. He
needed more, he needed her to lose control. He needed to see her
let him in, without question, without regret. Mulder brutally
delved the opulent uncharted garden that was Scully. He ran his 
tongue across her teeth, along the top of the roof of her mouth, 
and along the silken walls of his newly found paradise. He found 
himself delving deeper and deeper into her, her tongue meeting 
his with equal force and curiosity. She tasted just as he had 
imagined, like chocolate, and herbal tea. Sweet yet tart. He 
could taste the night on her breath, and the combination caused 
his desire to fan brightly in her awe-inspiring presence.

Scully ground her hips into his, seeking out the release that she
knew that only he could bring. She could feel the aching in the 
very manifest rigidity in his jeans. This knowledge drove her 
passions further causing her to seek out his deep-seated secrets, 
his intrinsic essence with her relentless, reckless exploration. 
Her body began to quaver from the sexual tension that she was 
experiencing. She crushed herself as firmly as she could against 
him, attempting to meld with him, her essence seeking its 
culmination and her hands ran up and entwined into his dark thick 
hair. She always knew he could extract from within her a 
rudimentary riposte, with just a simple touch of his, but she was 
taken back as to how much of a response. A fierce shiver ran 
through her slight body, and she found herself growing weak, the 
room spinning wildly under his ministrations. ' Sweet Jesus! '

' Seven long years, Scully. It has been so long. ' Mulder mused as 
he was overwhelmed by the flood of emotions which flowed through 
him because of the passionate woman encircled with in his 
shaky embrace. He plundered her garden with a need so 
uncontrollable it took his breath away. This simple act of kissing 
had already sent currents of agitation throughout his body, his 
hormones raging. His need throbbed painfully within the tight 
confines of his boxers. He wanted to take her then and there, 
however he wanted more for her and for him. They deserved to have 
a first time to remember; not a quicky in an inexpensive motel. So 
he slowly pulled his mouth from hers, indulging one last nibble on 
her bottom lip, which elicited a loud whimper in response, before 
he released her.

" Mulder? " Scully managed to mumbled out, her breathing ragged 
and shallow. She reached up and touched the firm outline of his
passion swollen lips, stroking the flesh that she discovered there
with her heated touch of her gentle touch.

" Jesus, Scully, " Mulder chuckled as he squeezed her bottom with
his firm grasp, " What you do to me... I want you so bad I can't 
see straight... " He rubbed his erection into her stomach, proving
exactly what he was saying to her.

" You have me Mulder, right here, right now. " Scully retorted as
she pressed her hips back against his, her throbbing loins
dictating her actions. She could imagine how they would be 
together, that knowledge distracting her usual collected thoughts.

" No, not here, not now, " Mulder stated firmly as he brushed 
another kiss full of promise across her rosebud lips. He stepped 
back and focused on the passion filled swirling depths of deep 
blue. " I want to get to know you. We have known each other for so 
long, yet we hardly * know * each other. We have a lot of work to 
do on * us *... This is forever, I don't want to screw it up... "

" Mulder... " Scully replied as she took his large hand into her
small one. She squeezed it gently, allowing all of the emotions
that she felt to pour into her touch and flood his person with
them. This was important, they both had work to do, so taking
their time was imperative. Eternity was a very long time. 


                    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*



Airspace over Dulles International Airport
Washington DC
2230hrs.

Mulder looked over at the woman whom he loved most on the world.
His heart swelled with the emotions that her presence elicited
from him. Scully lay upon the curve of his shoulder, her breathing
regular and soft. She had found his shoulder, and nestled in, just
after take off and had been sound asleep since. Mulder reached over
and stroked her cheek trailing into her hair, causing her to stir 
silently. A broad smile broke across his face as he turned back to 
face the screen of Scully's lap top which was settled firmly on 
the table before him. 

The cabin was silent, except for the soft outward musings of the
stewards behind them. He began to type once again, his efficient
hunt and peck method finally finishing the report before him.
' A limited autopsy of Donnie Pfaster was done in accordance to 
law. The results were within normal limits except for one peculiar
finding. During the preliminary exam of the external genitalia, an
abnormality was discovered; and with further testing it was 
determined that he was sterile, unable to conceive the child that 
he so desperately wanted. 

According to the Minnesota Board of Corrections, the only next of
kin listed for him were his sisters. In contacting them in regards
of the disposition of his remains, they all flatly refused to take
any responsibility for him. The youngest sister, Allison, was the
only respondent which showed any interest. During the discussion,
she revealed that she felt ' bad ' that he had been treated so
poorly. She, like her sisters, had tried to stop the abuse but 
were powerless to do so. She, however, wouldn't have anything to 
do with the disposition because, * the others would take it 
wrong *. In the end, the remains of Donnie Pfaster were cremated 
and buried in the county cemetery in an unmarked grave.

Agent Dana Katherine Scully is doing well as can be expected. Her
ordeal had taken a physical toll which only time will heal. She 
has been granted vacation time in order to expedite this process. 
However, the emotional aspects of her abduction and subsequent 
imprisonment are yet to be seen. The EAP counselor has been 
alerted, and will provide support if necessary.

In closing, I cannot seem to escape the original closing paragraph
which I closed his file with before. It seemed just as fitting
then as it does now...

The conquest of fear lies in the moment of its acceptance. And 
understanding what scares us most is that which is most familiar, 
most common place. That boy next door, Donnie Pfaster, the 
unremarkable younger brother of four older sisters, extraordinary 
only in his ordinariness, could grow up to be the devil in a 
buttoned-down shirt. It's been said that the fear of the unknown 
is an irrational response to the excesses of the imagination. But 
our fear of the everyday, of the lurking stranger, and the sound 
of foot-falls on the stairs; the fear of violent death and the 
primitive impulse to survive, are as frightening as any x-file, 
as real as the acceptance that it could happen to you. '

Mulder hit the save, and after it was safe he closed the screen
and shut the top. They would soon be landing, and then this
nightmare would soon be all over. At least in action, but not in
memory.

But for now, he chose to have good thoughts. For their future was
as bright as the stars which twinkled just outside the cabin 
window. Mulder closed his eyes, curving his lean frame closer to 
Scully's, her heat drawing him near.

Evil, as dark and fundamental as life itself had nearly torn them
apart. But in the end, two now stood as one. They stood in the 
light, their backs towards the darkness. The darkness from which 
the evil within had lived. 

In a world of perfection, balance exists. The light never exists
without the darkness, and the reverse is also true. To appreciate 
the sunrise, one must experience the night. However that balance 
must be maintained. For when the delicate scales are tipped and 
darkness is unleashed, the light can and will be extinguished.


Out of the huts of history's shame I rise. 
Up from a past that's rooted in pain I rise . . 
Leaving behind night of terror and fear 
I rise 
Into a daybreak that's wondrously dear 
I rise...

Maya Angelou 


Author's note...

All of this novel can be found at my website;
at this URL.

http://web.a-znet.com/aljoyw/public_html/irresistibleiievil.txt


My, this novel has been a very long and rewarding journey for me. 
Thank you for taking it. This was the novel, almost never meant 
to be. After a hard drive crash and a disk failure, it almost was 
scrapped twice. However, this story had to be told. It grew to 
have a life beyond mine, and I was just brought along for the ride. 
From the first page written, each and every one of the characters 
had their vision, and I just wrote it as they saw it.

The technical information in this piece was obtained from several
sources. First, my classes in Abnormal Psych and Criminal Justice.
My thanks to my instructors for teaching so well. Any other 
information was from text books and other research materials
which I will email on request.

As you can see, I used two pieces which were not mine in this
novel. The first was Sara Mc Lachlan's " Angel. " Now I know
that this particular artist would probably not be in Mulder's
CD tower, but the words, simple and poetic, are universal in
meaning. Her songs often reflect the relationship which Mulder
and Scully possess, and I felt it fitting for those words to
be used in that context. Secondly, I used the poem of one of
my all time favorite author's and survivors, Maya Angelou.
If you haven't read any of her works, go out and find them. She
speaks with a song which makes my heart weep for joy, and makes
my soul cry out in understanding.

I dedicate this work to all of those, which have suffered abuse
at the hands of another. Whether it be physical, emotional or
sexual abuse, this is for you. I am with you, and I share your
thoughts, and your experiences. It just doesn't influence those 
whom it is perpetrated upon, but it influences all of us.

Remember what Maya implies, we are survivors, not victims...

I refuse to be a victim anymore, I am a survivor.

What are you? 

Joylynn Ann Katherine Marie Wing...

aljoyw@a-znet.com


And Still I Rise

You may write me down in history 
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt 
But still, like dust, I'll rise. 
Does my sassiness upset you? 
Why are you beset with gloom? 
Because I walk like I've got oil wells 
Pumping in my living room. 
lust like moons and like suns, 
With the certainty of tides, 
Just like hopes springing high, 
Still I'll rise. 
Did you want to see me broken? 
Bowed head and lowered eyes? 
Shoulders falling down like teardrops, 
Weakened by my soulful cries. 
Does my haughtiness offend you? 
Don't you take it awful hard 
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines 
Diggin' in my own backyard. 
You may shoot me with your words, 
You may cut me with your eyes. 
You may kill me with your hatefullness, 
But still, like air, I'll rise . . . 
Out of the huts of history's shame I rise. 
Up from a past that's rooted in pain I rise . . 
Leaving behind night of terror and fear 
I rise 
Into a daybreak that's wondrously dear 
I rise. 
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave 
I am the dream and the hope of the slave. 
I rise. 
I rise. 
I rise.
From Maya Angelou, And Still I Rise. New York: Random House. (c) 1978 
by Maya Angelou.