From: Caroline <willows626@yahoo.com>
Date: Sat, 12 Mar 2005 14:02:47 -0800 (PST)
Subject: IRREVOCABLE by Caroline
Source: direct


TITLE: Irrevocable 
AUTHOR: Caroline
E-MAIL: willows626@yahoo.com
DISTRIBUTION: Gossamer, anywhere else please ask first.
RATING: NC-17 (You've been warned! Turn back now if you 
can't handle it.)
CATEGORIES: S, R
KEYWORDS: MSR, Post-ep
SPOILERS: "Irresistible"; "Pilot"
SUMMARY: Post-ep for Irresistible. Mulder tries to get 
Scully to open up about what happened with Pfaster.
DISCLAIMER: We all know the drill by now. XF is property 
of Chris Carter, FOX, and Ten-Thirteen. Don't own Mulder, 
Scully, or the dialogue from 'Irresistible.' They're CC's 
puppets... I just think I make a better puppet-master.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I started this with the intention of 
being able to include it in Fandomonium's Virtual Second 
Season of Smut, but alas, the ep was stolen before I had 
a chance to let my voice be heard. So, it becomes just a 
plain 'ole stand-alone smut piece. And also my first 
complete M/S smut fic. Enjoy!


*****

The motel room was dark, almost eerily silent... the only 
sounds those of the heater humming near the window, and 
the persistent clattering of fingertips on a laptop 
keyboard. Fox Mulder squinted through his glasses, almost 
glaring at the light bouncing off the screen at him, 
while he finished typing up his case report.

"...It's been said that the fear of the unknown is an 
irrational response to the excesses of the imagination. 
But our fear of the everyday, of the lurking stranger, 
and the sound of footfalls on the stairs. The fear of 
violent death and the primitive impulse to survive, are 
as frightening as any X-File, as real as the acceptance 
that it could happen to you."

Heaving a sigh laced with both satisfaction and 
exhaustion, Mulder saved his work and closed his laptop, 
setting it aside on his motel room bed. He then removed 
his eyeglasses, set them on the nightstand to his left, 
and scrubbed his hands over his face, inhaling deeply. 
His thoughts drifted to his partner... to the raw fear 
that had been etched clearly in her crystalline eyes when 
he found her earlier that evening. 

He'd always found her eyes to be quite calming, almost 
hypnotic at times. So many times he'd found himself 
slowly getting lost in them. But not tonight. Tonight her 
eyes had been clouded, swirling with terror, relief, and 
a blankness so eerie it had very nearly startled him. 
He'd never seen that look in her eyes before. And the way 
she'd clung to him had sent his heart racing as well.

Scully was never one to seek affection... especially not 
from him. During work hours she was so astutely composed, 
so professional. Whatever she'd experienced tonight must 
have rattled her so completely it had withered away any 
reserves she had. It must have knocked down the walls she 
worked so hard to build, to shield herself from him and 
anyone else who tried to get too close.

A knock on the door drew Mulder from his line of thought 
then, and after briefly furrowing his brow at the door, 
he rose to answer it, finding Scully on the other side 
still looking quite shaken. "Mulder," she whispered, 
practically shivering.

"Scully, what's wrong?"

"Can I come in?" she immediately asked, and when he 
nodded and stepped aside, she wasted no time in rushing 
into the room.

Mulder was almost instantly reminded of a moment two 
years in the past... when they'd first met; when she'd 
come into his motel room in a panic on their first case, 
fearing she'd fallen victim to alien testing. That was 
the only other time she'd sought affection. After being 
assured she was okay, she'd practically flung herself 
into his arms, throwing him out of balance in more ways 
than one. 

"Scully?" He watched as she went straight to his bed, 
sitting primly at the edge with her hands braced on her 
knees, her lips clamped together tightly, her chin 
quivering as if she were fighting off tears.

A moment went by where neither spoke. Scully stared 
straight ahead, unseeing, while Mulder watched her, 
studied her... patiently waiting for her to explain her 
abrupt entrance. It took quite awhile, but finally, she 
spoke, her voice trembling with bottled emotion. "Mulder, 
I'm sorry. I-I'm sorry for bursting in on you like this, 
I just..." She trailed off, tears flooding both her tone 
and her eyes. She blinked them back and swallowed slowly, 
drawing her eyes up to meet his. "I don't want to be 
alone tonight. I can't be."

He shook his head quickly, immediately understanding her 
panicked expression upon first opening the door. "That's 
understandable, Scully. You have no reason to apologize."

Her gaze fell to her lap, where she began to putz with 
her fingers nervously, her voice almost inaudible. "I 
just felt... weird... about coming to you like this."

"Scully, no." He was at her side in seconds, sitting 
beside her on the bed. He reached out to grab her hand, 
but upon seeing her tense up, he retreated, scooting over 
a few inches to place some safe distance between them. 
"Hey..."

His tone incited her to once more meet his eyes, and when 
she did, he stared into them deeply. "You know you can 
come to me for anything," he murmured deep and low, tone 
filled with conviction. "Any time of day or night, you 
need me, I'm there."

"Yeah?" Her voice was meek, almost girlish in its pitch. 
How could she have any doubt?

"Always, Scully. I hope you know that."

She just stared in response, blinking twice. After a long 
moment, she whispered her response. "I do."

He nodded then, and gave her a small smile, again 
reaching out to take her hand. This time, she didn't 
tense up, but merely watched his hand creep toward hers 
until it was covering it, enveloping her small hand in 
his warmth. She sighed at the sensation, suddenly feeling 
the strongest inclination to lean toward him, to lean 
into the warmth he was so freely offering... but she 
hesitated, keeping her gaze firmly centered on their 
joined hands as Mulder laced their fingers together 
slowly, one by one.

She then dragged her eyes back up to his, noting he was 
still smiling at her gently. He gave a minute jerk of his 
head to the left and tugged on her hand, signaling her to 
move closer to him. "Come here, Scully."

Did he know? Had he sensed her need to be comforted? He 
must have, for as soon as she slid over so their bodies 
were hip-to-hip, his arms wrapped around her, one twining 
around her waist while the other went up to sweep through 
her hair. She sat stiffly against him for a moment, 
unsure of herself. She *did* need this, of that she was 
sure, but... if she were to respond to his affections, 
would she be taking advantage of his kindness?

Her resolve melted when she felt his lips on her 
hairline, dusting three feather-light kisses across her 
forehead as he whispered, "Relax, Scully. Let me hold 
you."

And let him she did. His words had seemingly opened a 
gate within her... a gate she fought so desperately to 
keep closed during normal working hours, but one she 
could no longer fight from opening with him so near. She 
curled into his embrace, her forehead pressing against 
his neck while her arms went around him in return. It 
only took mere seconds for the gate to open even wider, 
her legs swinging across his own as she practically 
crawled sideways into his lap, wanting to be completely 
cradled in his arms.

He rocked her gently, smoothing down the silken fire 
between his fingertips, his lips dancing in indistinct 
patterns across her hairline... all the while whispering 
tender, soothing words to her. For moments on end he just 
held her, soothed her... until memories of earlier came 
flooding back to her, bringing tears along with them. 
"Mulder," she hiccupped, winding her arms tight around 
his neck, fighting back the gut-wrenching sobs that were 
pushing to be released.

"What, Scully? Talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking, 
what you're feeling." He pulled away just slightly, 
unable to move from her tight embrace, but leaning back 
far enough to wipe at her steadily-flowing tears. "I 
wanna help you."

"He was evil, Mulder," she whimpered. "Pure evil. When he 
had me tied up in his mother's closet... when he went to 
close the door on me again, I s--I saw..." Her voice then 
became lost behind the wall of tears bursting forth, 
consuming her. Her shoulders shook and her hands trembled 
against his shoulders, rattling Mulder to his very core. 
She'd never seemed so... haunted.

"What did you see, Scully?" he whispered, not wanting to 
press her but needing to know what had her looking so 
terrified.

She shook her head, still too far gone to be able to 
respond. She could only pull him back into her embrace, 
and as she did, he gently laid her back against the 
mattress, leaning over her propped on one elbow. He moved 
his free hand to her face, gently swiping errant auburn 
strands out of the tracks of her tears before sweeping 
his fingertips across her forehead and down her eyelids, 
trying once more to soothe her. "It's okay," he murmured, 
much like he'd done only hours before when she'd first 
wept in his arms... and he pressed a kiss to her 
cheekbone, just centimeters below her eyes.

Scully allowed her eyes to slip closed at the sensation, 
at the feeling of Mulder tending to her, and she grasped 
his shoulders more tightly in response. Her mind had gone 
numb from the images consuming her. Now, she could only 
feel. And what she was feeling was good; wonderful, even. 
A suitable replacement for the fear and desperation she'd 
felt hours before. "More, Mulder," she heard herself 
whisper.

His lips paused mid-kiss on her eyebrow, and she could 
feel his forehead wrinkling in confusion. "What?" he 
muttered against her skin.

"More," she repeated, and squeezed his arms as 
encouragement.

He pulled back to stare at her, questioning her state of 
mind... but did as he was told, running his fingertips 
over every inch of her face, down her neck and across her 
collarbone to her right shoulder. There he began to knead 
gently, moving down her upper arm before gliding his 
fingertips upward again, scratching lightly. Her eyes 
slid closed once more and a hum escaped her lips... 
though whether it was a hum of contentment or something 
else entirely, Mulder didn't know. And at the moment, he 
didn't think he had the guts to find out.

Fingertips danced the linear path of her collarbone, 
halting on the left side and moving downward just 
slightly to rest over her heart, where he then laid his 
palm. It thudded beneath his hand, beneath the barrier of 
her clothes, in a slightly more rapid rhythm than what 
would be considered normal. He again dragged his eyes up 
to hers, questioning what was occurring... and what he 
saw in those heavenly blue orbs nearly stopped his own 
heart.

The hues of her irises, which were normally an airy baby 
blue color, had darkened to a dusky, liquid sapphire. The 
look of desire. He felt his breathing quicken. 
"Scully..." It came out hoarse, almost breathless. Could 
she really want this?

As if in answer to his racing thoughts, she nodded her 
head slowly, her eyes never leaving his. "Touch me, 
Mulder," she whispered next, and grasped the hand that 
was resting over her heart, guiding it downward... 
bringing it to a stop when it covered her breast.

His lips parted at the sensation and he let out a shaky 
exhalation, closing his hand around the soft mound of 
flesh. "God, Scully." He watched her eyes close as he 
fondled her, palming her breast before running a finger 
experimentally across her nipple... then gasping as it 
hardened beneath his touch. 

His lips tunneled hers, seeking them out like a target 
missile. She groaned against his lips immediately and 
parted her own, inviting him in. Without hesitation, he 
slipped his tongue past her awaiting lips, caressing hers 
in a mix of tenderness, love, and a repressed urgency 
that had been building seemingly since they were fated to 
meet. His hand left her breast only briefly, twining 
around the curve of her waist to tug her closer to him... 
pulling her beneath his body before he went back to his 
previous task.

She writhed beneath him, arching to meet his touch... 
gasping when his lips and tongue moved on to explore her 
sensitive neck. She startled at the sensation, 
"Mulder..."

He answered her with a muffled moan against her neck, his 
fingers drifting across from fondling her breast to the 
pearl buttons on her shirt, popping each one from its 
mooring slowly. His lips descended, trailing his hand... 
pressing heated kisses to every inch of flesh that was 
exposed. When he reached the area where her shirt was 
tucked into the waistband of her pants, he pulled back.

Scully expected to see some form of a bewildered look 
crossing his face, but instead what she saw caused her to 
sit up. "Mulder?"

"Oh, God..." He was shaking his head, almost frantically, 
his eyes wide. "We can't do this."

"What?" She slid toward the edge of the bed, reaching out 
for him almost desperately. "Y-yes we can! Mulder..."

"No, Scully. You're vulnerable. You've been through a 
traumatic ordeal, and I..." He was still shaking his 
head, and he brought his hands up to cover his face 
momentarily, as if ashamed. He sighed behind them then 
let them drop to his sides while he stared at her 
remorsefully. "I can't take advantage of you like this."

"You're not taking advantage! The advantage is being 
offered to you freely."

"Scully, you're not thinking straight. I know you're 
not."

At this, she paused, her eyes narrowing as she stood. Her 
petite fists found the slim curve of her hips, her shirt 
still unbuttoned to the waist. If she didn't look so 
upset, Mulder could've easily spouted off a few double 
entendres at the sight.  "Just who are you to tell me 
what I'm thinking? You have no idea, Mulder."

"Scully, just listen to me, please--"

"No! You have no idea what's going on in my head right 
now, Mulder. You only think that you do, so that you can 
try to bow out of this. You don't want to feel guilty 
about this in the morning. Am I right?"

"Well, I--"

"Maybe I'm thinking completely straight. Maybe my 
thinking is crystal clear." She threw her arms up in an 
exaggerated shrug, voice raising. "Maybe I'm thinking 
that I really want this, that I really want *you* and 
that I have since our first case together. Maybe I'm 
thinking this is the first time I'm allowing myself to 
follow my heart, to just feel and not analyze, and ya 
know what Mulder? It felt good. It felt damn good."

He just stared at her, unsure of whether to respond or 
keep quiet, and this incited her to take a step closer, 
finally lowering her voice. "Mulder, you know me. You 
know me pretty well by now, so that means you should know 
I don't just jump into anything. I don't take serious 
situations like this lightly." She stepped up to him, now 
toe-to-toe with him, and slid her hands up his chest. He 
smiled in response and settled his hands on her hips. "I 
want this, Mulder," she whispered, her eyes diving deep 
beneath the green-gold hues of his. "I want to feel safe, 
I want to feel loved." She shook her head, still holding 
his gaze. "You're the only one that can do that for me."

His hand found her face. "Scully..." His thumb stroked 
her cheek while he searched her eyes, the gentleman in 
him searching for any last glimmer of doubt or hesitance 
in her eyes. Finding none, he smiled, and bent down to 
kiss her.

As their lips fused, her fingers mated with his soft 
chestnut hair, drawing him closer while his large hands 
pulled her closer from below. At the first pelvis-to-
pelvis contact, they both moaned, breaking the kiss. 
Scully then rose up on tiptoe to allow her lips 
exploration of his neck and jawline, while Mulder's hands 
finished their earlier task of untucking and unbuttoning 
her blouse. 

In a matter of seconds her silk blouse had hit the floor, 
and she smiled against his neck, going for the buttons on 
his shirt. They took their time undressing each other, 
savoring each revelation of skin, tan and porcelain 
tangling in a passionate embrace when they finally stood 
before each other naked. He pulled Scully in for another 
kiss, open-mouthed and erotic, while he ran his hands 
over every reachable inch of her body. She moaned and 
gasped against his lips at the sensations being stirred 
within her, backing toward the bed.

The back of her knees hit the mattress sooner than she'd 
expected, and Scully emitted a tiny squeal against 
Mulder's lips, tipping backward. He chuckled into her 
mouth and grabbed a hold of her before they were both 
sent toppling over, lowering her tenderly onto the 
mattress. When she attempted to pull him atop her, he 
managed to resist, instead trailing kisses from her neck, 
to her collarbone, adoring each of her breasts before 
moving lower. 

His lips pressed heated kisses to the flesh of her slim 
stomach, and her skin jumped in response, knowing what he 
had in mind. "Mulder..." Her voice stopped him, and he 
glanced up at her, pupils dilated with arousal though the 
expression on his face was one of pure concern.

She smiled reassuringly and ran a hand through his hair. 
"Next time," she promised, and squeezed his shoulders, 
making a silent request that he join her in bed. "We'll 
have plenty of time for that stuff next time. Right now, 
I need you inside me."

His breath left him in a rush as he crawled over his 
deity, adoring her with his eyes. "You're so incredible, 
Scully."

Scully merely hummed in response, pulling Mulder down for 
a slow, passionate kiss while he positioned himself at 
her entrance. She tensed for the briefest of moments as 
the tip of him inched inside. He was big... the biggest 
she'd ever taken... and not only was she small, but it 
had been a long time. Please go slow for me, Mulder, she 
begged internally.

Whether it was through telepathy or Mulder just being 
that in tune with his partner, he did indeed go slowly, 
pushing inside inch by inch before pulling out to slide 
in a little deeper, giving Scully time to adjust to each 
thrust. In moments, he was sheathed deep within her, and 
they stared into each other's eyes, the look in each pair 
revealing ecstasy, amazement, and a shared love. 

There seemed to be a question in Mulder's eyes, and 
Scully answered with a smile, nodding minutely before 
pulling him down for another kiss, humming her approval 
when he began to thrust slowly inside her. His eyes 
snapped shut at the sensation, disbelieving that this was 
actually Scully beneath him... that it was Scully's 
warmth surrounding him... Scully's nails clawing into his 
lower back... that it was his precious Scully moaning his 
name.

He couldn't completely understand what she was saying, 
her voice becoming an alto babble. The only words he 
could pick out were his own name, and "So good... feel so 
good..."

He moaned in response and murmured her name, his tone 
awed, as he dusted kisses to her neck and collarbone. He 
wanted to go slow for her... not just to please her, but 
to extend their union as well... but Scully would have 
none of that. She wrapped her legs high around his waist 
and used her ankles to anchor him to her, urging him to 
go faster. "God, Scully," he groaned, latching onto the 
skin just above her jugular.

"Harder... faster..." she begged breathlessly, scratching 
across his lower back. "Please, Mulder."

Mulder didn't need to be asked twice. He deftly picked up 
the pace, thrusting into her at speeds that would fastly 
tire any other man... but he didn't get tired. Scully met 
him thrust for thrust, her hips moving in tandem, rising 
off the bed as she neared her climax. When it hit, it 
surprised them both, Scully's eyes going wide while 
Mulder's lips parted in a mix of shock and ecstasy, her 
muscles tensing around him, hugging him inside her while 
she rode out the waves of pleasure.

The feel and sounds of her orgasm, coupled with the 
sensations of loving her soon became too much for Mulder, 
and before long his pace faltered, his body going rigid 
as he pulsated, spilling inside her. They then collapsed 
together, sated and exhausted, their sweat-dusted bodies 
sinking to the mattress.

"Evil," she whispered after a long moment had passed.

Mulder chuckled breathlessly, dropping kisses on her 
collarbone. "I wouldn't say that was evil, Scully. 
Sinful, definitely. But not evil."

His heart sang when her chuckle floated to his ears, a 
sound like that not heard since their first case. "Not 
what I meant, Mulder," she clarified, and her small hands 
pushed him gently away so he would meet her gaze. She 
held his eyes for an extended moment, enjoying the look 
of love reflecting back at her, before she spoke again. 
"Pfaster."

The look of love she'd been adoring quickly faded, a 
glint of fury passing through the green-gold irises. 
"Oh." Realizing now was the moment she wanted to talk, he 
propped himself up on his elbow, giving her his full 
attention. "You'd mentioned that earlier."

"I know. Before he closed the closet door on me..."

"Scully, if you don't want to do this now--" A delicate, 
slender finger found his lips, effectively silencing him, 
and his eyes sparkled their apology back at her. She 
slowly blinked her response, a small smile tugging at her 
lips, before it faded to a more solemn expression.

"Before Pfaster closed the door on me, Mulder, I could 
have sworn I saw something. I saw him change."

He pressed a kiss to the finger against his lips before 
she drew it back to her side, and he furrowed his brow. 
"Change into what?"

Her reply left her in a whisper as she blinked rapidly in 
succession, fighting off the tears. "A demon."

"Scully..."

"I know you'll say I don't believe in that stuff--having 
visions. But I believe in evil. And evil is what I saw in 
Pfaster."

He nodded slowly, her confession somewhat frightening to 
him. "He *was* evil, Scully." He shook his head slowly. 
"But you don't have to worry about him anymore. From what 
I gathered from Agent Bocks, Pfaster's being sent off to 
a maximum security prison in Illinois. And he won't be 
getting outta there any time soon."

She drew in a slow breath while she nodded, and let it 
out in a sigh. "I know. I have to move on."

"Eventually, yes. You're probably going to feel 
vulnerable for awhile, but eventually you'll move past 
this." He smiled affectionately at her. "And I'll be here 
for you... in more ways than one, now."

At this, she shifted uneasily. "Mulder, um... what we 
did--"

"Oh, no." Mulder abruptly swung his legs over the side of 
the bed, running a hand through his hair while he shook 
his head. "I knew it. I knew you'd regret this when it 
was done."

"Mulder, no!" She clutched the sheet to her collarbone, 
slightly unsure as to why, and sat up, reaching out to 
him. Her hand found the warm, taut skin of his back and 
rubbed gently. "I don't regret this. Not at all."

He slowly turned to the side, cocking his head to study 
her. "You don't?"

Her tone was certain, filled with conviction. "No. I 
don't." She sighed. "It's just... what we did was 
irrevocable, Mulder. From here on out, everything between 
us will be different."

He smiled slightly. "I kinda thought that was a good 
thing."

"Well, in some ways it is." She returned the smile, 
somewhat shyly, before it slowly faded. "But in a lot of 
other ways, it's not so good, Mulder. Think about how 
this will affect the partnership. We're emotionally 
involved..."

He chuckled grimly. "Scully, I don't know about you, but 
I became emotionally involved with you the second I had 
you in my arms in Bellefleur."

Mulder watched in enjoyment as a blush crept to her 
cheeks, and she bowed her head, letting out a meek, 
"Yeah." After a moment she looked back up at him, back to 
her strong, composed self. "And now we're emotionally 
tied even moreso than before. If we worried about each 
other's safety before, think of how it'll be now. You'll 
get even more protective--"

"Hey!"

"Not that I completely hate that..." she clarified, 
smiling at him for good measure. "But just think of how 
much more intense all of this will become, Mulder."

"Scully, I think we can handle it. After everything we've 
been through thus-far, I don't think this'll be 
impossible for us to deal with. Sure, when one of us gets 
injured it'll be even more of a blow for the other one, 
but... it'll just be something we'll have to get used 
to."

She searched his eyes, her own wide and worried. "And you 
think we can do that?"

He smiled and nodded in response, and leaned down to 
brush her lips with his. She hummed against his lips and 
pulled him closer, encouraging him to deepen the kiss. 
When he moaned against her lips, she pushed him away, 
already breathless. "You're not playing fair, Agent 
Mulder..."

His grin was devilish. "Well, get used to it, Agent 
Scully." He then reached down for the comforter and 
yanked it over their heads.

The room grew silent once more, the only sounds now those 
of their languid kisses and ragged breathing. Moments 
later, Scully's voice broke the silence. "By the way, 
Skinner wants our full report for what we've done on this 
case by Monday."

There was a pause, before Mulder's voice sounded from 
under the covers, muffled by his lips against her 
breastbone. "You're bringing up Skinner now because....?"

She smiled. "Because I know in a matter of seconds you'll 
make me forget everything."

"Ahh," Mulder chuckled, silence reigning briefly once 
more as he kissed his way down Scully's body beneath the 
covers. "Well then, I can't wait to write all *this* up."

A smack upside the head sounded immediately following his 
comment, accompanied by Mulder's, "Ow!"

Then, after a giggle emitted from Scully, the room fell 
into passion-filled silence once more.


~FINIS~