From: YRLD43A@prodigy.com ( PATTY   HAYES)
Date: Sun, 27 Jul 1997 16:57:47, -0500
Subject: Is That All I Have To Tell Myself 1/2

Thanks to everyone who has responded to my stories, it is GREATLY 
appreciated and very encouraging.  I am having a lot of fun with 
these and couldn't do it without your support.  You can e-mail me at  
YRLD43A@PRODIGY.COM  .  I hope you enjoy this.

Classifications:  S,A
Spoilers:  Momento Mori-slightly
Ratings: NC-17 for sexual content and language
Summary:  Mulder meets a woman and contemplates a relationship, but 
can he have a normal relationship?
Authors note:  Yes, this is a Mulder/other, but it's a new style for 
me and I would appreciate any constructive comments.  It's also a 
first with graphic sexual content and again, any constructive 
comments will be appreciated.  Thanks!

Disclaimer:  The characters and situations of the television program 
"The X-Files" are the creations and property of Chris Carter,  Fox 
Broadcasting, and Ten Thirteen Productions, and have been used 
without permission.  No copyright infringements are intended.  This 
work is not to be forwarded or distributed to any newsgroup, FTP, or 
WWW site without the permission of the author.

I do give permission for it to be put on atxc.

******************************************
IS THAT ALL I HAVE TO TELL MYSELF 1/2
By Patty Hayes
yrld43a@prodigy.com
July 27, 1997
******************************************

     "State your name and occupation for the record, please,"   her 
voice was strong, confident and solid.
     "Fox Mulder.  I'm a special agent for the Federal Bureau of 
Investigation,"  Mulder replied.
     "Agent Mulder, were you present at the arrest of Jonas 
Harrington on the 20th of May of this year?"
     "Yes, I was with Detective  ... "
     "Ok, now that's what I'm looking for, Agent Mulder,"  she 
interrupted him.  "I don't want you to offer any additional 
information unless specifically asked.  I asked if you were present, 
yes or no."  Angela sat behind her desk, leaning back in the 
overstuffed high back executive chair.  "That's the only answer I 
want.  We're not trying to hide anything here at all, but I'm not 
willing to give them the store either."
     Angela Rose was a small but formidable woman.  She stood about 
five foot, five inches in her two inch heels.   Her head didn't even 
reach the top of the chair as it rested against the back.  But she 
was a strong prosecutor.  She'd gone up against a number of well 
known, high priced defense attorneys in her early days and every one 
of them underestimated her abilities.  Until their case was over and 
they'd lost.  Now her reputation preceded her.  Angela was from the 
south, Georgia to be precise and her southern mannerisms and charm 
were all that anyone saw until she was inside the courtroom.  Then 
and only then did she transform herself from the soft Georgia Peach, 
as she was known in her offices, to the hard core, by the book, take 
no prisoners lawyer she truly was.
     Mulder nodded and his mouth turned upwards at the corners 
slightly.  He was captivated by her accent to begin with.  Then her 
confidence.  She was a strong woman, she knew what she wanted and she 
went after it, no holds barred.  But she was a looker too.  Smooth, 
shiny, dark brown hair worn in long curls, falling just below her 
shoulders and her eyes were so dark brown, you could hardly tell the 
pupil from the iris.  She was slender but had an ample chest.  He 
smiled inwardly as her melodic tone sung to him.
     "They're going to try to trap you into saying something you 
don't mean.  I know these guys, they've done it before and even 
though I can correct some of the damage, once the jury hears it, it's 
lost to us."  Angela stopped, noticing the glazed look in Mulder's 
eyes.  "Are you still with me, Agent Mulder?"  She grinned at him.
     "Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, my mind just wondered away for a moment.
"  His cheeks turned slightly pink as he focused once again on the 
case.
     "Well, I think you know what you're doing.  You've testified in 
many cases before, I know that.  I really appreciate your sitting 
down with me and allowing me to see your style before we go into the 
courtroom.   It's a shame Adam can't start this case, after all the 
work he put into prepping it."  Angela leaned forward, slightly, to 
cross her legs.
     The movement did not go unnoticed by Mulder, who's eyes followed 
her hands as she straightened her skirt.  "How's he doing anyway?"  
Mulder asked.
     "He'll be fine, I understand.  Broke his leg in four places.  
He'll be immobile for at least a month."  Then she smiled.  "He'll 
drive his wife absolutely nuts, though.  And probably us, wanting to 
know how the case is going."
     "I'll have to drop in on him afterwards.  How long do you need 
me to be on the stand?"
     "Not long for direct, maybe a couple of hours, but I have no 
idea for cross.  They've been known to keep some witnesses for days, 
trying to misdirect the jurors attention to a different matter all 
together."  Angela noticed his grimace.  "I'll try to keep it down to 
a minimum though.  I know you have work you're anxious to get back to.
"  She stood and extended her hand, the clue that this meeting was 
over.
     Mulder stood and shook her hand.  Such a firm shake for a small 
hand, he thought.  He towered above her as he moved around the desk 
to leave.  
     Angela walked him to the elevator.  "I'll see you at eight in 
the morning, Agent Mulder.  Thank you again for your help and 
cooperation."  Her southern charm shining through as her voice became 
soft and feminine.
     "My pleasure.  Maybe we can keep this one off the streets this 
time."  He smiled, looking down at her, as he stepped into the 
elevator.
     "Let's hope so,"  she replied as the doors closed, her smile 
lighting her whole face.
	
     Mulder was the last witness for the day and he was able to be 
released at the end of the day.  The defense hadn't spent a lot of 
time or energy on Mulder.  It was a clear cut case, he had no doubt 
that the defendant would be put away.  He'd been on this case as an 
accident of sorts.  Wrong place at the right time.  Jonas Harrington, 
an unknown member of organized crime, picked up for fencing stolen 
property a number of times, then a few drug busts.  Always able to 
got off.  Always going back to crime.  Mulder stumbled into his 
operation while hunting down a piece of evidence from a murder.  He 
handed over the information to the DEA and the ATF and they asked if 
he would like to be in on the raid.  Mulder didn't really know why he 
said yes, but he did.  And here he was.
     He sat behind Angela during the day, watching her question the 
witnesses and smiling when she jumped up to object to the defense's 
style of questioning.  She was a fire cracker.  When he finished his 
testimony, Mulder sat back down in the front row behind her once 
again.  A few moments later, the judge called recess for the day.  He 
was going to wait for the court room to clear out but it only took 
Angela a moment to pack up her cases and a moment later she turned to 
exit.  Mulder jumped up and grabbed one of the two large cases that 
she carried all her paper work in.  "Let me help you with that, Ms. 
Rose."
     Angela smiled and let him take one.  "Thanks, I'm used to them." 
 When they stepped into the hall way, Angela turned to take back the 
case.  "Thanks again, Agent Mulder, I can take it from here.  I'm 
sure you want to go home now."
     "Actually, I was wondering if you'd like to get a drink, maybe 
some dinner."  His brow raised in question.  He noticed how surprised 
she looked, like no one ever asked her out before.  But that was 
crazy. 
     "Well, I still have a lot of work to do."  She hesitated.
     "But you have to eat.  I promise, we'll make it a quick dinner." 
 Mulder still had the case in his hand.
     Angela smiled at last.  "All right, thanks, Agent Mulder."
     "Call me Mulder."  He saw her confusion and explained.  "Just 
Mulder, that's what everyone calls me."
     "Okay, Mulder.  Call me Angela."  

     They rode the elevator to her offices and dropped off the cases 
then went back downstairs.  A small bar was around the corner that 
was frequented by attorneys and was packed when they arrived.  Mulder 
followed Angela to the back where she found a small table in the 
corner.
     "Is this all right?"
     "Yeah, sure.  They sure do a lot of business here, don't they?"  
Mulder asked, looking around.
     Angela nodded and followed his gaze.  To speak would mean to 
yell, the crowd so loud.  A waitress stopped by and took their order. 
 A couple of club sandwiches, a beer for Mulder and a glass of wine 
for Angela.
     Mulder smiled at her and chuckled.  "You bring clients here?"  
his voice raised.
     "No."  Angela shook her head.  "It'll quiet down in about a half 
hour.  Most come here right after court, then move on."
     It didn't take a half hour, though.  By the time their dinner 
came, the noise was down to a dull roar and Mulder could finally hear 
himself think.  "How long have you been a prosecuting attorney?" he 
asked her.
     "Eight years, right out of Law school.  I wanted justice and I 
didn't see it working for the defense.  Don't get me wrong, I think 
everyone is entitled to representation, but it seems that the victims 
are the ones getting the raw deal as the killers and drug dealers 
stay out there in business."  She took a bite of her sandwich.  "How 
long have you been with the Bureau?"
     "Longer than eight years."  He smiled.  "You're not originally 
from here are you?" he asked, the smile changing into a grin.
     She returned the wry grin.  "No, I'm not.  Actually, I've only 
been here a couple of years.  I did my internship in Georgia and was 
a prosecutor there for a while.  A firm here hired me for corporate 
law and I spent a few months on it then decided it wasn't for me.  
But I like the city and checked with the DA's office, luckily they 
had an opening.  And here I am."
     "That's quite a jump though, to Assistant District Attorney."  
He seemed impressed.
     "Well, I work hard."
     "Hey, Angel!"  A dark man approached, a huge smile on his face.
     "Hi, Jimmy."  She gave a small wave and turned back to Mulder.
     "Angel?"  His brow raised in a sarcastic look.
     "That's what most of my friends nicknamed me."  Angela blushed.  
"I grew up with it actually."
     "I like it."  He smiled.	

     Another beer or two, another glass or two of white wine later 
and they were still talking.  Hours had passed and the bar had become 
sparse with customers.  A couple of hours after they arrived, the 
waitress walked around and lit the scented candles that sat in the 
middle of the tables as the house lights dimmed.
     Her face glowed in the candle light, her eyes dancing, 
glistening, sparkling.  Half the time Mulder didn't hear what she 
said, he was listening to how she said it.  Once again, the melodic 
tone soothing his insides, a relaxed feeling washing over him.  Maybe 
it was the beer.  Maybe not.
     Angela found herself captivated by Mulder's charm.  He wasn't 
very talkative but he was an attentive listener.  And he had a good 
sense of humor, he made her laugh and that was hard to do.  Up until 
now, the talk had been mostly business.  Tales of cases that were too 
humorous to forget, too ridiculous to be forgotten.  But now, they 
were quiet.  "It's getting late, I didn't mean to keep you."  Angela 
smiled at him.
     "No, I've kept you.  But I've enjoyed this.  I haven't had a 
chance to get out in a while."  Mulder returned the smile and pulled 
out his wallet.  He placed a few bills on the table as they stood up. 
 "Shall we?"  He placed his hand in the small of her back and 
escorted her out the front door.
     They walked slowly back to the courthouse where their cars were 
parked.  Mulder's car however was parked in a lot that had closed an 
hour earlier.  Angela laughed.  "I'm so sorry, Mulder."  
     "It's my luck, don't worry about it.  I'll get a cab."
     "No, I insist you let me drive you home."  She reached for his 
arm and hooked hers into it, pulling him along to the parking garage. 
 
     They were silent on the way to Mulder's.  He'd call Scully in 
the morning to pick him up, he didn't need to worry about that.  He 
glanced over at her and in the darkness he saw her silhouette, her 
long eyelashes back lighted by the street lights they passed.  
     When she pulled up in front of his building, Angela put the car 
in park and looked over at him.  "I really did enjoy the company 
tonight.  I'm sorry if I rambled on.  I guess I've been working so 
hard, I'd forgotten how to have a good time."
     Mulder smiled and looked away for a moment.  When he looked back,
 his face wore a serious note.  He looked into her eyes, searchingly, 
then his gaze drifted to her mouth.  His breathing became labored as 
he leaned over to her, putting his arm across the back of the seat, 
he pulled her to him, his mouth hovered over hers.  He hesitated, 
waiting for a sign.  Then she closed her eyes and he kissed her.  It 
was a soft, warm, passionate kiss that seemed to go on forever.
     Angela looked into his eyes and everything after that was a blur.
  Before she realized what was happening, they were kissing and she 
melted in his arms.  His arms were so strong, her hand rested against 
his chest and she slowly slid it up to his neck, running her fingers 
through his hair.  God, she hadn't felt this way in a long time and 
it felt good.  
     He felt her go slack in his arms as he put his other hand 
against her face.  He tasted the liquor that she'd consumed earlier 
mixed with the beer he'd had.  She smelled good, she tasted good, she 
felt good.  A small whimper escaped her throat and Mulder pulled away,
 looking into her face.  Her eyes were still closed and when she 
opened them he saw the need, the want in her eyes and it frightened 
him.  What was he doing here?  He swallowed hard.
     Angela sighed and her cheeks turned red.  "You better go," she 
whispered, breathless.
     "Yeah,"  he said when he found his voice.  Mulder released his 
hold on her and exited the car.  He climbed the steps and entered the 
building without looking back.  He didn't want her to see want the 
effect of the kiss had done.

     Mulder stripped down to his boxers when he entered his apartment,
 making sure to hang up his suit.  His suits were about the only 
thing he cared about maintaining.  He slipped on a pair of light 
weight sweat pants and an old tee shirt and grabbed a beer from the 
refrigerator on his way to the sofa.  Picking up the remote, he 
flipped on the television and began the hour long channel surfing 
routine as he took a few swigs of beer.  After an hour, he turned the 
volume down and the room was thrown into a deafening silence.  Mulder 
lay back against the arm of the sofa and stared at the ceiling, the 
blue white light from the television screen casting dancing shadows 
across the walls crawling their way to the ceiling.
     What the hell am I doing?  
     He ran his hand over his face and blinked rapidly a couple of 
times to clear his head.  Dark circles from stress and lack of sleep 
rested beneath his blood shot tired hazel eyes.
     I can't get involved here.  This is not the right time for that. 
 
     When will the right time come?  
     His thoughts turned to Scully and a pang of remorse washed over 
him.  It's not like he was cheating on Scully, their relationship was 
professional.  Wasn't it?  
     What is our relationship?  
     He cared deeply for her, after all, she was the only one he 
trusted and that was mutual between them.  He did love her, she was 
his best friend, but was there more?  Had Scully given him a sign and 
he was too blind to see it?  Mulder sighed and closed his eyes, he 
needed to sleep.  He needed to put this out of his head, he had no 
time for this.  
     His eyes opened.  He needed.  
     Think about nothing, clear your mind.  A white sheet of paper.  

     He closed his eyes again and took a deep breath.  Her perfume.  
It wasn't sweet or musky, it was a gentle fragrance, possibly floral, 
but not strong.  He inhaled deeply again.  The smell was gone, but 
the memory remained.  Her soft full lips, her mouth, warm and 
inviting.  The softness of her hair in his fingers, the supple skin 
of her arm.  Mulder stirred, the erection he had upon leaving the car 
was making another appearance.  He moved his hand down his chest to 
just inside the band of his sweats.  
     Damn!
     He sat up and turned the volume up on the television.  
     Why can't I get involved?  
     Because people around you get hurt.  Or dead.  
     He argued with himself.  But he wasn't winning.  The arguments 
were too strong.  People around him did die, they did get hurt, he 
couldn't kid himself.  When would it end?   Would it end at all?  He 
wasn't going to get much sleep tonight.

     Angela sighed as Mulder climbed the steps to his building.  
     He didn't even look back.  What the hell was happening here?  
     She sighed and put the car in drive, looking to the left before 
she pulled out into traffic.  There weren't many cars on the road 
this time of night and Angela found her mind wondering as she drove.  
She definitely found Mulder attractive.  That was a given, his hazel 
eyes cried out for attention, his soft dark hair falling over his 
forehead in strands, his full heart shaped mouth that ...   Well, it 
cried out for just as much attention as the rest.  But it was more.  
He was very intelligent and he was a good listener.  Kind hearted, 
she thought.  And a damn good kisser.  She sighed again as she felt a 
stirring from the pit of soul.  It'd been a long time since she'd let 
anyone get so close.  You learn when you get burned not to put your 
hand into the fire again.  And she'd learned the hard way.  
     It began in Georgia, a fellow prosecutor.  The occupation almost 
called for relationships between coworkers.  You worked hard, the 
hours were brutal, you had no time to socialize.  You were with your 
coworkers from four in the morning till midnight at least five or six 
days a week, longer on bigger cases.  There were times Angela didn't 
even go home, she kept a change of clothes in her office.  But Jerry 
wasn't looking for commitment, he wasn't even looking for a 
relationship.  He just wanted someone to fuck whenever the mood 
struck him.
     But Angela didn't feel that from Mulder.  In fact, she got the 
impression that he was almost frightened of what he was feeling.  
What ever that was.
     I don't have time for this.
     Make the time.
     But ...
     Do it.  He's worth it.

     Two evenings later, Mulder was back in the bar shortly before 
court let out.  He didn't know if she would be there or not, but it 
was worth a chance.  What did he want from her?  His insides squirmed 
when he was near her.  Was that it?  Just an end to a need?  Just a 
warm body to lay with when times were rough?  No.  He didn't think so.
  If she didn't show up in an hour or two, he'd leave.  No harm, no 
foul.
     Angela was tired.  The case was far from over and the defense 
was already pulling their tricks.  She had to continually fight the 
urge to be on the offensive.  That's what they wanted, to make her 
look like a fool in front of the jury.  But she remained calm.  Not a 
single person in that court room knew that every nerve ending in her 
body was screaming to break down.  Angela would smile at the judge 
and the jury and speak calmly and rationally while the defense yelled,
 jumped around nervously, all the while hoping to throw her off.  She 
needed a good stiff drink.  Well, she needed something else, but a 
drink would have to do.
     He spotted her in the mirror over the bar the minute she entered.
  She looked beautiful, dressed in a simple navy skirt and jacket, a 
cream silk blouse.  Her smile spread wide as she greeted a few fellow 
attorneys as she made her way to the bar.  Angela hadn't noticed him 
yet.  Mulder watched her walk toward him as if she moved in slow 
motion.  Her hair bounced around her shoulders, the smile ever 
present as she nodded to people in passing.  Her breasts slightly 
bobbing as she stepped hard and confident with each foot step.  Then 
he noticed her eyes.  Her mouth was smiling, but her eyes weren't.  
Until she saw him.
     Angela lifted her eyes to the bar and saw him staring at her.  
Her heart leapt to her throat and she felt a heat rise upwards 
through her body, feeling her face turn pink.  His eyes seemed so 
much brighter than the time before as a smile spread across his face 
and motioned for her to join him. 
     "Hi,"  she shouted over the crowd.  "What are you doing here?"
     "I needed a drink, thought I might run into you,"  he answered, 
then ordered her a drink.  When it arrived, he took both drinks and 
followed her to the same small table in the back they had occupied a 
couple of nights earlier.  Both sat for a moment and took a sip of 
their drinks.  The noise was getting to Angela and she needed to use 
the ladies room anyway.  
     She stood and leaned over to Mulder, placing her mouth next to 
his ear.  
     "I have to step to the back for a minute, I'll be right back."  
She looked at his face for acknowledgment, noticing a slight blush, 
then turned and walked through the doorway leading to the bathrooms.
     Mulder's heart skipped a beat as she leaned dangerously close.  
His breath was taken away for a moment and he had to fight the urge 
to shudder.  Her breath in his ear sent an excitement coursing 
through his veins, sending his blood rushing in the opposite 
direction of his brain.  Her perfume permeated his senses, his eyes 
lingered on the curvature of her breasts as her blouse parted 
slightly revealing the smooth white skin beneath.  He was glad she 
was turned away from him as she left.
     Damn!
     Get a hold of yourself, you're not a damned school boy.
     He took a deep breath and swallowed a huge gulp of scotch.  He'd 
needed something stronger than before and scotch normally put him 
where he wanted to be.  Somewhere between apathy and anger.  The 
waitress came by and he ordered two more drinks even though hers' was 
barely touched.
     Angela pushed through the doorway and the crowd to their table, 
noticing the two drinks.  Without saying anything, she picked up the 
older one and downed it in just a few swallows.  Then she closed her 
eyes and took a deep shivering breath.  The white wine was not dry, a 
nice chardonay, it tasted good.  
     "I needed that,"  she said, chuckling.
     Mulder nodded and returned the smile.  "I know the feeling."  
They stared into each other's eyes for a brief moment before Mulder 
looked away.  "Rough day?"
     "You could say that."  Angela looked around, eyeing the people 
closest, then leaned forward, lowering her voice.  "I almost lost it 
today.  Would've been a first."  She grinned.
     They took another few swallows and Mulder thought the crowd was 
becoming even louder.  It was his turn to lean into her.  "You want 
to go somewhere to talk?"
     Her eyes followed his lips, you almost had to read them to hear 
over the noise, then moved up to his eyes.  She nodded slowly, her 
brow flinched briefly.  
     Mulder put money on the table as he stood, then he reached for 
her hand and led her out of the bar.  When the cool air hit them, 
they both took a breath.  "My car is just right over here."  Mulder 
pointed to the lot across the street.  It was not yet dark out, but 
would be soon and he wanted away from the area before dark this time.

     Angela's hand was still firmly locked in his as they crossed the 
street to the parking lot.  Only then did he let go so that he could 
fish money from his pocket to retrieve his keys from the attendant.  
He held the door for Angela, then climbed into the drivers seat and 
started the engine.  He pulled out into traffic and glanced at Angela.
  "Where to?   Any suggestions?"
     Her face turned serious and she blinked a few times, like she 
hadn't heard him.  Then she looked away and spoke.  "Take a right, 
two blocks up."
     Mulder followed her directions for a few miles and found himself 
in the parking garage of her apartment house.  It was an elegant high 
rise building.  He'd seen it before.  They offered maid service, in 
house shopping, all the amenities and one of the most sophisticated 
security systems available.  He was impressed.  "I thought DA's 
didn't make a lot of money."  He smiled as he opened her car door and 
took her hand.
     "They don't, believe me.  I'm in hock up to my eyeballs for this 
place."  Angela pulled her hand away as aimless as she could.  The 
elevator took them to the fifteenth floor, two floors from the top.  
Her apartment was actually a condominium, she'd bought it when she 
started as a corporate attorney upon first moving to Washington.  It 
was so spacious and Angela had fallen in love with it the moment she 
saw it.  She worked her ass off to keep it.  "Make yourself at home.
"
     Mulder followed her into the front entry, glancing around, 
taking in his surroundings.  It gave him an idea of what sort of 
person Angela was.  Most of the furnishings were contemporary, sharp 
angles, bright, but dark colors.  It was neat, clean, in fact, he had 
a hard time finding anything really out of place.  She had a gourmet 
kitchen with an island bar and a breakfast area just off the patio.  
Mulder opened the sliding glass door and stepped out onto the balcony.
  Leaning against the railing, he took in the sights and sounds of 
the street far below.  To the left the sun was setting behind other 
tall buildings off in the distance.  He imagined the same scene at 
night, with the lights sparkling from the highways below and the 
stars twinkling above them.  It was a beautiful view.  He turned to 
find Angela standing in the doorway, her arms crossed against her 
chest.
     "It's beautiful, isn't it,"  she said.
     "Yes, it is," he replied, never taking his eyes off her.  Then 
he moved toward her and stopped just inches from her.  
     She never wavered, she let him invade her personal space, but 
she wouldn't look into his eyes when he stood before her, she lowered 
her head.  Angela could barely remain standing, her body shivering 
with anticipation and the cold breeze.
     Mulder walked over to her, moving closer and closer until he was 
just inches from her.  Their eyes stayed with each other until he was 
there, then her head bowed.  He placed his hands on her shoulders and 
moved her back inside the room, closing the patio door behind him.  
He hesitated, then touched her chin, bringing her face up to meet his 
gaze.  Her chest moved rapidly in and out to match her breathing.  
Mulder leaned down and hovered over her mouth, felt her tremble in 
his arms, then brought his mouth down, covering hers.  His embrace 
swallowed her as he felt her arms unfold and move around him.
     For a time, they did nothing but let their mouths and tongues 
explore each others.  It began urgent, frantic.  But then they 
relaxed and the kiss became gentle, comfortable, passionate.  Mulder 
heard a small moan escape her throat and it jolted him back to 
reality.  His mind began questioning what he was doing.
     You're using her, you can't offer her anything.
     Shut up.
     It's not fair to her.  You're not like this, you can't use 
people.
     Shut up!
     His hands began moving down her back to her behind.  He cupped 
his hand and squeezed, pressing her against him.  His erection 
straining against his pants.

End of Part 1


******************************************
IS THAT ALL I HAVE TO TELL MYSELF 2/2
By Patty Hayes
yrld43a@prodigy.com
July 27, 1997
******************************************

     Angela gasped against his mouth as he squeezed her bottom and 
pulled her body closer to him.  She felt him, hard, full, against her 
stomach.  He smelled so good, he felt so good.  She needed him, but 
her mind wouldn't let go.
     You've only just met this man, you don't do this.
     Shut up.
     You've got too much on your plate, you can't handle this right 
now.
     Shut up!
     Suddenly, Angela pulled her head back, breathing heavily.  She 
didn't speak, her eyes moved from his mouth to his eyes and back.  He 
still held her close, not an inch between their bodies.  
     Mulder's hand was still on her backside, he suddenly pressed her 
harder against his body and she gasped.  His eyes were darker than 
before and she felt his breath hot against her face.  Their passion 
remained unspoken.
     Angela pulled away and took his hand, leading him to her bedroom.
  When she reached the bed, she turned around and reached up, taking 
his jacket off.  Running her hands over his strong shoulders, down 
his biceps as the jacket slid to the floor.  She bent down and picked 
up the jacket, folded it in half and placed it on the settee.  Then 
she returned and began unbuttoning his shirt.  
     Mulder stood still, his breathing a bit slower.  His eyes 
followed her hands, her fingers were so slender, so graceful.  He 
reached for her hand and brought it to his mouth and kissed her 
fingertips.  Gently, he took her first finger into his mouth and 
closed his lips around it and sucked on it.
     Her breath caught in her throat.  She was mesmerized by his 
movements, she swallowed hard and her eyelids fluttered as she almost 
lost her balance.
     Mulder grabbed her elbow to steady her and smiled slightly at 
the effect he had on her.  He released her hand, took off her jacket 
and unbuttoned her blouse as she pulled his shirt from under the band 
of his slacks.  He let go long enough to take off his shirt and he 
let it drop to the floor.  
      Angela did the same, she stood before him in her bra and skirt. 
 She reached and opened his belt and unzipped his pants.  Maintaining 
eye contact, she slid down his body, pulling his pants down, allowing 
him to step out of them, leaving him in his boxers.
     The position she was in was so submissive, it drove him to the 
edge.  Mulder shook with tension, his erection so hard it was 
becoming painful.  Part of it escaped the boxers and he looked down, 
seeing Angela on her knees before him, lifting one foot, then the 
other to step free of his clothes.  She was so close, he felt her 
breath on him and he was getting ready to lose it.  His head fell 
back as he let out a deep moaning sigh.
     Suddenly he reached down and pulled her up, he kissed her 
fiercely, his tongue exploring every crevice, every part of her mouth.
  He sucked gently on her tongue, bringing her into his mouth.  His 
hands fumbled with the hook on her skirt and it fell to the floor.  
Carefully, Mulder laid her back on the bed, moving in between her 
legs.  His mouth moved to her neck, her collar bone, placing tiny 
kisses over her body.  His tongue snaked out and teased her nipple 
through the satin material of the bra.
     Angela gasped and arched her back.  Every inch of her body was 
so sensitive, every spot he touched burned from the heat.  She 
reached up and unhooked her bra, sliding it off her shoulders.  She 
wore thigh high nylons that Mulder ran his hands down.  
     Mulder turned his attention back to her breast, taking one in 
his mouth and sucked gently.  His teeth bit at the nipple as his hand 
caressed the other and pinched the nipple.  Angela cried out and her 
body visibly shuddered.  Mulder pulled his body over her.  He kissed 
her again, their mouths locked in a perfect fit as his hand slipped 
inside her panties.  He cupped her, squeezed gently, then slid a 
finger inside her.
     She cried out in his mouth and her body jumped involuntarily.  
He kissed her harder, their breathing quickened.  His hand moved 
slowly at first, gently rubbing back and forth, then he moved faster, 
his fingers found the tiny swollen spot that ached for the touch.  
Angela came hard, drawing her legs up, locking his hand inside her.  
She'd moved away from his mouth and cried out against his chest as 
his hand slipped away.
     He kissed her, tiny kisses over her face, her breasts.  He moved 
down and slid her panties off, removing his boxers as well.  Then he 
moved over her, parting her legs with his knee.  She reached up 
kissed his chest, biting his nipple as her hand moved below.  Her 
fingers wrapped around his erection.  He was so hard, so hot.  A tiny 
squeeze caused him to let out a loud groan, his head thrown back.  He 
couldn't wait any longer.  Mulder entered her slowly, watching her 
face.  Her expressions were so erotic.  Her lips slightly parted, her 
tongue lingering over her teeth, her lips.  Her eyes, so dark, half 
closed as he moved deeper with each stroke.  She was so small, he was 
afraid he'd hurt her.  But she met him with each stroke, wanting more 
until he filled her completely, his tip meeting and rubbing the 
inside wall of her warm center.  After finding the limitations, 
Mulder entered her completely, pulling out ever so slowly all but the 
tip, driving into her again, hard and fast.
     Angela's breathing quickened as she was close to climaxing again.
  Mulder felt her muscles tighten around him, squeezing and releasing 
as he moved in and out, harder and faster until she came, triggering 
his climax.  He groaned loudly, calling her Angel as released himself 
inside her, shuddering as he stroked her once, twice more.  Finally 
he lay atop her, his arms wrapped tightly around her.  After just a 
moment, he pulled out of her and rolled over, bringing her with him.  
Her head rested against his chest as he reached down and pulled the 
sheets up around them.
     Neither said anything throughout the love making and as their 
breathing returned to normal, both were so drained that sleep 
overtook them quickly.
	
     Angela opened her eyes and looked up at the man she was lying 
against.
     Oh God.
     She slipped out of the bed, grabbed her robe and went to the 
living room.  She used the guest bathroom to freshen up so as not to 
disturb Mulder.  Angela stared at herself in the mirror, the tiny 
wrinkles at the corners of her eyes and the dark circles under her 
eyes were starting to take up residence.  Sighing deeply, she closed 
her eyes.
     What the hell have I done?  I barely know this man.
     You needed him, he needed you.
     Yeah, right!  
     You like him.
     Shut up.
     You do.
     I don't.
     You do.
     Shut up, shut up, shut up!

     Mulder woke with a start. For a brief second, he wondered where 
the hell he was.  Then he remembered.  
     Oh God.
     The other side of the bed was empty and Mulder looked around the 
room.  The sun had gone down and darkness fell across half the room, 
the light from the living room seeping in, casting shadows across the 
other half.  He reached for his boxers at the end of the bed and 
slipped them on, then headed for the bathroom.  Switching on the 
light, he immediately squinted, the light too bright to take in all 
at once.  A dimmer had been installed and he turned the knob until 
his eyes could focus.  The man in the mirror stared back at him and 
spoke.
     What the hell am I doing here?
     What do you think?
     Screwing up big time.
     You like her.
     Shut up.
     You need her.
     I don't.
     You do.
     Shut up, shut up, shut up!

     Mulder splashed cold water on his face and grabbed a hand towel. 
 Then he heard a door open.  Who else was here?  He peeked out the 
door, the room was still dark.  As he put on his pants, he heard 
voices in the other room.  He slipped on his shirt, leaving it 
unbuttoned and walked out to the living room.
     Angela was handing money to a delivery boy, taking a bag in the 
exchange.  She leaned against the door and locked the dead bolt as he 
left.  From the doorway, Mulder watched her head to the kitchen, the 
smell of Chinese food filled the air.  She was dressed in a dark 
multi colored satin robe of an oriental design.  Her hair was mused 
and fell well below her shoulders, the curls having fallen.  But she 
was still beautiful.  He quietly followed her to the kitchen.
     "Hi," he said softly.
     "Hi," she replied.  "We never did eat dinner, I ordered Chinese. 
 I hope that's all right."   Angela glanced at him briefly, but 
mostly kept her eyes averted.
     "It smells good."
     Angela puttered about, taking the cartons out of the bag, 
reaching for plates from the cabinet.  "There's some white wine in 
the fridge, if you'll open it for me."  She place the corkscrew on 
the counter within his reach.  "I've got cashew chicken, moo goo gai 
pan and beef with snow peas.  I hope that's enough of a variety for 
you.  I didn't know what you liked."  
     He could tell she was nervous, bopping around the kitchen, never 
actually making eye contact.  He felt bad, it was obvious this was 
not normal behavior for her.  "All of it sounds goods, I am kind of 
hungry."
     They sat on the bar stools at the island in the center of the 
kitchen and ate mostly in silence.  They were both a bit 
uncomfortable at first, then Mulder asked about the trial.
     "Harrington's attorney is driving me nuts, with all his double 
talk and tricks.  I'd thought I'd heard it all."  Angela laughed.  
"But the real problem is keeping the witnesses.  His people are all 
over them.  The two today suddenly had a lapse in memory.  It's hard 
to blame them, they have families, they don't want anything to happen 
to them."
     Mulder listened and asked questions and pretty much just 
supported what she was saying.  Dinner was finished and they were 
topping off the wine.  Angela crossed her legs and the robe slipped 
open, displaying her leg from the ankle to her hip.  She quickly 
pulled the robe across her lap and looked away from him, a slow blush 
creeping up her neck.
     Angela cleared her throat and ran her finger around the rim of 
her glass, avoiding Mulder's eyes.  "Listen,"  she sighed, "I don't ..
.  uh ... normally do this sort of thing."  She turned her gaze to 
Mulder, looking into his eyes.
     He smiled slightly, searching her eyes.  Slowly he nodded.  "I 
know."
     A huge smile broke across her face and she chuckled, turning 
away from him again.  She brought the glass to her lips and took a 
sip of wine.
     Mulder smiled as well, watching her movements and as the glass 
reached her lips he involuntarily licked his lips.  "I suppose I 
better be going, it's getting late and I know you have to be in court 
early in the morning."  Something flashed in her eyes.  Was it 
disappointment?  
     Angela nodded.  "Yeah, I guess so."  She hopped down from the 
stool and followed Mulder to the living room, waiting with her arms 
crossed against her chest while he got his jacket from the bedroom.
     Mulder walked back in, his shirt buttoned, his jacket on.  "Your 
car, can I drive you to your car?  Maybe pick you up in the morning?
"
     "No,"  she smiled,  "it's all right, I'll take cab in the 
morning.  Six is too early to ask anyone to get up."
     He stood in the doorway and looked down into her face.  Her dark 
eyes, so large.  "Walk me to the elevator?"
     "Sure."  Angela smiled and pulled the door just to the frame.
     It was a short walk and Mulder pressed the button when they 
reached the end.  It only took a few seconds for it to arrive.  He 
turned to face her, placed his hand on her cheek and leaned down.  He 
kissed her softly and tenderly.  "I'd like to see you again."
     This took her by surprise.  She didn't figure that she was his 
type.  Angela forced her head to nod, leaning her face into his hand. 
 "Call me,"  she replied in a whisper.  She sighed heavily after the 
doors closed behind him.
     Oh God.
     Then a smile slowly broke out on her face.

     Mulder worked the next few days without contacting Angela.  He 
argued with himself over and over again about it.  He was too busy.  
She wasn't his type.  She was too busy.  He wasn't her type.  Many 
more reasons and excuses followed, but only one kept him away.  
'They' would find out.  'They' were always in the back of his mind.  
'They' had taken his sister, taken Scully, killed his father, doomed 
him to life of loneliness, searching for everyone, everything, the 
answers, the truth.
     But he couldn't stop thinking about her.  He'd had his share of 
one night stands.
     This one is different.
     Why?
     I don't know, she just is.
     Mulder felt like he needed to explain.  To tell her he couldn't 
see her again.  	
     It isn't her fault.  She deserves better.
     You deserve it.
     Shut up.

     Angela sat at the same bar a couple of weeks later.  Mulder 
wanted to meet her.  She knew what it was about.  She wasn't his type 
after all.  He wouldn't be seeing her again and he's sorry for any 
pain he may have caused.  She didn't get this speech a lot because 
she didn't fall into bed with every man she met.  But she figured 
that's how the speech usual went.  Angela was nervous.  
     Why didn't he just tell me over the phone?
     Maybe that's not what he's going to say.
     It is.
     Maybe he wants to see you again.
     He doesn't.
     You need him, he needs you.
     Shut up.

     Mulder saw her from across the room as he walked into the bar.  
It wasn't as crowded as it normally was.  He didn't know if it would 
make a difference or not.  Her smile was not as bright as it had been 
before.  "Hi."
     "Hi."  Angela smiled and took a sip of her wine.  "I ordered you 
a beer, figured that's what you had before."
     "That's fine, thanks."  He sat down across from her.  "So how's 
the trial going?"
     "Not bad.  Longer than I anticipated.  They're still trying 
every trick in the book.  But I'll win,"  she said with confidence.
     "I know you will,"  he nodded in return.
     Angela searched his eyes, waiting.  "So what's up?  Why did you 
call?"
     Right to the point.  He wasn't ready for this.  Mulder sighed.  
"I wanted to talk to you.  About us."
     "I'm listening."  Her expression was not anger or pain, just 
complacency.
     Mulder looked away and cleared his throat.
     I can't do this.
     Good.
     "There are people who can harm you, just to get to me,"  he 
began.  "I don't want to see that happen."
     Angela chuckled.
     This is a new one.
     Maybe it's true.
     "I can take care of myself."
     "I'm sure you can, but these people can be relentless."  
     "Listen, Mulder, cut the crap.  As a lawyer, I've heard every 
story you can possibly imagine.  Now, if you don't want to continue ..
.  "  Her lips pursed and she made a sweeping gesture with her hands. 
 "We can go our own separate way right now."
     There, it's now or never.  Don't look back.
     Mulder smiled.  She was a hard cookie.  Strong.  He stared into 
her eyes, so bright, so animated.  So beautiful.  He took a deep sigh.
  He wanted to see her again.  "How about dinner?"
     Angela smiled.  "I can't.  I have a deposition tonight."  Mulder 
returned her smile.  "But I'll be home later."
     His smile turned into a grin and he nodded.

     "Angel, I'm telling you, these guys are professionals.  You 
should have protection."  Jarrod Pearce was another prosecuter Angela 
had working with her on the Harrington case.   He worked up the 
motions, the appeals, the arguments, etc.
     "Jarrod, I get these threats all the time.  I don't need the 
city paying for someone to follow me twenty four hours a day.  It's 
just another scare tactic.  They're too smart to carry it through."  
Angela was tired of arguing with him.
     "This is different, Angel.  These people are killers.  They 
don't care who you are, they want Harrington back."
     "Why are they so concerned over this piece of trash anyway?  
He's nothing to them.  A small time hood."  A look of confusion 
crossed her face.  "Isn't he?"
     She looked up at Jarrod.  "I'll dig deeper, Angel, but I don't 
want you going anywhere alone and I want the security guard to check 
your car before you start it."
     "All right, Jarrod, just go and let me finish.  I want to get 
home."
	
     Angela left the building a couple of hours later.  She didn't 
know if Mulder would be by or not, but she was hoping he would be.  
She'd just reached her car when Jarrod called out to her.
     "Angel, I told you to have security walk you out.  God damn it, 
if you're going to be stubborn at least be careful."  Jarrod ran up 
to her.
     He leaned down and checked underneath the car, then ran his hand 
around the perimeter of the door frame before opening the door.  He 
popped the hood and checked under for anything unusual.
     "What are you doing?  You think there's a bomb?  Jarrod, surely .
.. "
     "Andrew Martin, two weeks ago, killed in a car bombing.  Guess 
who he worked for."  Jarrod slammed the hood closed.  "Okay, it looks 
clean.  Just promise me you'll be careful, Angel."
     Jarrod was always worrying about her, like an overprotective 
brother.  "I'll be fine, Jarrod, I promise."
     "You better be."  He closed the door for her as she started the 
car.

     Mulder stood outside his car, his hands in his pockets.  She 
wasn't home yet.  He'd wait for a little while, then try another day. 
 His stomach was in knots, why should he be so nervous?  He didn't 
have to wait long, her car pulled into the garage and he headed for 
the front entrance.
     Angela was in the elevator when it stopped on the first floor 
from the garage.  Mulder entered smiling.  "I hope you weren't 
waiting long."  Actually she was moved that he'd wait at all.
     "No, I wasn't here long."
     "We can order dinner in if you like, it's a little late to start 
cooking.  Maybe pizza?"
     "Sounds good.  I'll buy this time."
	
     They spent the next couple of hours talking, eating pizza and 
drinking wine.  They finally ended up on the sofa with a movie in the 
VCR.  They were comfortable, she leaned against him in the crook of 
his arm. He stroked her arm gently.  When Mulder looked down, she was 
asleep.  He smiled.
     It must have been a rough day.
     He gently laid her back on the sofa and placed the afghan she 
kept on the back over her.  She was sound asleep, didn't even stir.  
Mulder smiled at the sight.  She was so child like.  It was a totally 
different picture than he'd ever thought.  Then he jotted a note and 
left it on the coffee table.  He'd call her tomorrow.  Silently, he 
left the apartment, locking the door behind him.  There would be 
other times.

     The next day they'd agreed to meet after work.  Mulder would 
pick her up around seven, after court.  It would give her time to get 
any last minute work done.  She was waiting for him when he pulled up.

     "Hi.  I hope I didn't keep you waiting this time."
     Angela smiled and got into his car.  "We are so worried about 
keeping each other waiting."  She laughed.  "I just stepped out a 
couple of minutes ago,"  she said as she buckled her seat belt.  
"Where to?"
     "How about dinner, then I thought we might go back to my place 
for a while.  Maybe watch another movie or something."  Or something.

     "That's great.  I'm game."  She smiled.
     Her smile was contagious.  It was the first time in a long time 
that Mulder actually laughed through dinner.  Her stories were 
entertaining to say the least and in the southern accent they sounded 
exaggerated.  

     The car sat out front of the restaurant, watching, waiting.  
Patience is a virtue.  Haste would cause errors and errors were 
traceable.  They were professionals, they would wait patiently.

      It was close to ten when they left the restaurant.  He was 
paying too much attention to Angela to notice the old Ford following 
them.  Within a half hour, Mulder pulled up in front of his apartment 
building and put the car in park.  The street seemed quiet enough.  
Angela stepped out of the car and moved to the front when the Ford 
suddenly sped up.  Mulder turned and saw the gun just as the firing 
began.
     "GUN!"   he instinctively yelled and began to pull his weapon.  
"Get down!" 
     Bullets hit all around him.  Riddled his car.  Glass shattered 
from the automobiles and apartment windows behind him.   He watched 
in slow motion as Angela went down.
     Two seconds later the street was quiet again, the Ford was gone.

     "Angel?"  Mulder called to her.  She didn't answer.
     He found her lying in the street.  Mulder knelt next to her, 
checked for a pulse.  He didn't find one.

     "Isn't the funeral today, Mulder?"  Scully asked as she returned 
from lunch.
     "Yes,"  he answered, not meeting her eye.
     "Aren't you going?"
     "No."
     "Mulder ..."
     "I don't want to talk about this, Scully."
     "Why not?"
     "There's nothing to talk about."
     Scully didn't press him.  He was back at work the day after like 
nothing had happened.  She knew he was blaming himself but it was 
something he'd have to work through.  She left without saying 
anything, there was an autopsy bay waiting for her.
     Mulder left midafternoon, he couldn't keep his mind on work.  It 
wasn't like he'd known Angela long enough to be this distraught.  He 
hadn't shed any tears.  He was too angry to feel grief.  He ended up 
at the bar around the corner from the courthouse.
     What the hell do you think you're going to do here?
     I think I'm going to have a drink.
     What, are you going to drown your sorrows?
     I'm going to have a god damn drink, now leave me the fuck 
alone!
     Mulder took his drink and sat at the table in the back.  He sat 
back in his chair, a swizzle stick in his mouth, and stared off into 
nowhere.  But his mind was still talking.
     Why do I bother?
     Because you deserve a life.  You can't give up.
     Yes I can.  It's my fault.
     No.
     She's dead because of me!
     It's not your fault.
     They'll go to any extreme to keep me down.
     Fight them.
     ...
     Fight them!
     I do.
     You don't.  You let them do this to you.  You let them walk all 
over you.
     How can I stop them?
	
     Scully walked into the bar and looked around.  It was the third 
one on her stop and the last one in the area of the court house.  She 
spotted Mulder sitting in the back.   His back was to her.  "Buy me a 
drink, big boy?"  She smiled.
     He looked up at her and sat up in his chair, no smile appeared.  
"What are you doing here, Scully?"
     "Looking for you."
     Mulder looked at his watch.  "It's after five, I'm off duty."
     "They found the Ford."
     Mulder looked up, his eyes suddenly full of interest.  "Where?"
     "Norfolk.  Abandoned."
     "Figures."
     "I did some asking around."
     "Why?  I know what happened."
     "I don't think you do, Mulder."
     "She's dead because she was with me, Scully.  Just like my 
father and your sister and Pendrell and a hell of a lot of others."  
His voice grew louder.  "The same reason you're dying!  No one is 
safe around me."
     Scully flinched for a split second and looked around the bar.  A 
few turned and looked but went back about their business.  More and 
more people were filing into the bar.  The noise level was increasing.
  "Mulder, can we get out of here?"
      "I like it here, Scully."  Mulder looked around.
     Scully sighed and leaned forward.  "I talked with her assistant. 
 They arrested someone this morning in connection with the shooting.  
Angela was receiving death threats, Mulder.  Harrington's people 
wanted her off this trial.  They figured if the trial was disrupted, 
he'd have more time to stack the deck.  Get rid of the witnesses, 
he'd walk.  You were supposed to die in that shooting too."  Scully 
waited for a reaction, she could see him processing the information, 
a deep furrow in his brow.  "So you see, Mulder, it wasn't them, it 
wasn't your fault."
     Mulder looked up at her as Scully stood.  "Is that all I have to 
tell myself?"
     Scully put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed.  Then she 
headed for the door.  
     Mulder turned and watched her leave.
     Is that all I have to tell myself?
     No.  You have your work, you have Scully.
     She's dying because of me.
     You can save her, she needs you.
     She needs more.
     You have to beat them.  You have to win.  If you don't, you'll 
have nothing.
     I have nothing now.
     You have Scully.
     I hope so.
     You always have.

      Mulder placed the swizzle stick back into his mouth and reached 
in his pocket.  He tossed a few bills on the table and grabbed his 
coat from the back of the chair.  Picking up his pace, he caught up 
with Scully just outside the bar.  Placing his hand in the small of 
her back, he looked down to meet her gaze and smiled.

     The sun was just coming up, the ground was still wet from the 
dew.  Mulder stood in his long trench coat, his hands wrapped in 
black leather gloves holding a small bouquet of flowers.  He knelt 
down and placed the flowers in front of the head stone, lingering for 
a moment.  Then he stood, his head bowed, his hands pulled the coat 
together and thought about her nickname.  'Angel.'  She's an angel 
now.  Two months after her death, Harrington had been convicted.  
     "You did it, Angel.  Harrington's in jail for good."     
     She won.
     Didn't she?

		THE END