From: "Victoria Dietz" Date: Sat, 14 Nov 1998 02:15:44 +0000 Subject: It Comes Down To A Matter of Trust (1/1) by Toria Title: It Comes Down To A Matter Of Trust (1/1) Author: Toria Dietz E-Mail address: redux2@blast.net Rating: PG Category: VRA Spoilers: Basically "The End," "FTF," and "The Beginning" Keywords: M/S Romance Summary: Who else wonders what might have happened during the time between the end of the movie and "The Beginning?" This is my take on why Mulder and Scully's relationship seems so strained. I thought we had gotten closer. I thought the days we spent together after the ordeal in Antarctica meant something to him. Now I'm not so sure. Ever since we were reassigned he's been distant, cold. He's not the same person I've known for over 6 and a half years. I realize that his separation from the x-files has caused an abundance of that, but I thought us still being together as partners would ease some of the anger and frustration. Diana being back has not helped at all. It has only worsened the situation. He believes that Diana is protecting the x-files, and I, on the other hand, believe her reasons covering up what really happened are selfish. When he chose Diana's trust over mine, I was hurt deeply. What reasons do I have not to be. Now I realize that that was not my Mulder talking. It was another Mulder, who's resentment was far too overbearing that it consumed him. They took away his x-files and essentially took away his life. Those men took away almost 8 years of his life. It was 8 years of hope, because he believed that that filing cabinet and the folders it contained were going to help him uncover the Truth. The Truth the he sought which would bring his sister back to him. On our way from Antarctica he told me of what he had been told as to why his sister was taken. I listened, of course. I always listen to him. That's one of the reasons he trusts me. I listen to his theories, I don't ridicule him and call him "Spooky." I treat him equal, as my partner, as does he. In the hallway of his apartment he told me that I had saved him. My science had saved him. Now he wants me to change and be the person I'm not. He wants me to become a "believer" like him, just because I was with him in Antarctica, in the space craft. I was out of it. I mean completely out of it. I really don't know what I saw. All I know is that he rescued me. He left everything back in DC behind and came all the way to Antarctica to rescue me. I don't know how he got there, to tell you the truth. He just came and saved me. Afterwards, because the OPR had to review our case to be reassigned to the x-files, they gave us time off. We spent most of it putting the files back together, sorry to say, while watching baseball on TV. All Yankee games, of course. Mulder's favorite team. Luckily they were in the playoffs and we alternated the duty of host each night. During the travel days we stayed by ourselves. We gave each other some space. I really could have done without the space, though. Being around him was invigorating. We'd have discussions about who's better, "El Duque" or Andy Pettitte, and I said Andy Pettitte while he argued "El Duque" was. He would tease me and ask if it was because Andy's large nose turned me on. I would answer that it did and he would reply that there was a large nose in front of me waiting to be loved. I remember thinking at that moment that his slightly large nose did seriously turn me on, but admitting it to him would surely mean I'd be crossing a line that had been drawn. When we tried to over step that boundary only bad things happen. The bee sting, for example. When you really think about, we were so close, yet so far. Our lips were about a millimeter apart, yet an almost kiss is so far away and different from a kiss. God, I hate that saying. The night the Yankees won the World Series was exciting, joyous for more than the obvious reason. At first I wished that they wouldn't sweep, because that would mean more nights alone with him, but then I soon realize that having them sweep caused him to be more ebullient. During that whole fourth game we were huddled together on his couch. His arms around my waist and my head resting against his chest. I could feel his breath against my hair. After that last out I turned to face him and I swear I saw a spark go off. I couldn't take the waiting and the voices in my head telling me "No! No! No!" anymore. I moved my head closer to his mouth, slowly. He saw what I was doing and moved in towards me. There was so much emotion and happiness in his eyes. Our lips were a millimeter apart and he whispered, "They won, Scully." I answered, "We won, too, Mulder." Our parted lips touched, innocently at first, then I parted my lips and his tongue entered. He tasted every part of my mouth and then I let my tongue enter his mouth. I viciously licked and fought his tongue and felt the unresolved sexual tension between us fade away. There was no more of that UST I had read about. He finally broke the kiss, much to my disappointment. He complained that we couldn't continue, it would ruin our quest to get the x-files back. I felt like pounding my fists into his chest and screaming, "Forget about those God-damned x-files! Forget about the massive government conspiracy against the world! Just make love to me!" I didn't say those things. I just nodded my head, silently agreeing to what he had just said. It reminded me of when you go to see a movie and you see a preview for a movie that you really want to see and you say to yourself, "Gee, when that movie comes out I'm going to definitely see it," and then when the time comes around for the movie to open and you're all psyched, the movie's opening has been delayed indefinitely. Okay, that was a bad analogy, but it described how I felt at the time. Then he asked me never to speak of it again and that the kiss was an honest mistake. An honest mistake? Obviously I must have missed something, because I don't think his tongue just mistakenly made it inside my mouth. Again, I just nodded my head, but this time I got off the couch and walked towards the door. I mumbled a "Thank you for inviting me over," and I left. My eyes were blurry as I drove home, then tears started to fall. I wiped them away as quickly as I could, because I was strong, independent Dana Scully. I fought criminals with my bare hands, and survived almost freezing to death in the Antarctic. Surely I could survive being rejected by Fox Mulder. The truth is, I couldn't survive being rejected by Fox Mulder. He is part of me, just as I am a part of him. I thought he wanted us to be partners in the full sense of the word. Here I am now, still getting over that night the Yankees became World Champions for the 24th time. The day before the OPR meeting he explained to me that he had no problem with the actually kiss itself, he only had a problem with the consequences of it. "What if someone found out about us? Where would that leave us? We have a hard enough time getting along with the FBI as it is now with out complicating things even further." I couldn't argue with him, because in a way he was right. I agreed, no surprise there, and the case of our kiss the night the New York Yankees won the World Series was closed. I've spent sleepless nights wondering about the real reason he stopped our relationship from going further. There is one reason I can think of that makes sense: Diana. They became involved shortly after they became partners. Byars even thought they would eventually get married. Then she left him. Just left him alone in DC with no friends, no nothing except for a broken heart. What if he thought if we became involved I'd leave him just like Diana did? He had trusted Diana completely and she had broken the trust and went away. I can only think that he believes the same thing might happen again if we become more than just best friends. He doesn't want his heart broken again. It would mean more pain in his overly intolerable existence. But he's wrong. I'm not Diana. I would never leave him. He's got to trust me. Like I've said before, it comes down to a matter of trust. I guess it always has. End! --MS_Mac_OE_2993854544_600265_MIME_Part Content-type: text/html; charset="ISO-8859-1" Content-transfer-encoding: quoted-printable It Comes Down To A Matter of Trust (1/1) by Toria Title:  It Comes Down To A Matter Of Trust  (1/1)<= BR> Author:  Toria Dietz
E-Mail address: redux2@blast.net
Rating: PG
Category: VRA
Spoilers: Basically "The End," "FTF," and "The Beg inning"
Keywords:  M/S Romance
Summary:  Who else wonders what might have happened during the time be tween
the end of the movie and "The Beginning?"  This is my take o n why Mulder
and Scully's relationship seems so strained.    

    I thought we had gotten closer.  I thought the days we spent together
after the ordeal in Antarctica meant something to him.  Now I'm not so
sure.  Ever since we were reassigned he's been distant, cold.  He 's not the
same person I've known for over 6 and a half years.  I realize that hi s
separation from the x-files has caused an abundance of that, but I thought<= BR> us still being together as partners would ease some of the anger and
frustration.  Diana being back has not helped at all.  It has onl y worsened
the situation.  He believes that Diana is protecting the x-files, and I, on
the other hand, believe her reasons covering up what really happened are
selfish.  When he chose Diana's trust over mine, I was hurt deeply. &n bsp;What
reasons do I have not to be.  Now I realize that that was not my Mulde r
talking.  It was another Mulder, who's resentment was far too overbear ing
that it consumed him.  They took away his x-files and essentially took away
his life.  Those men took away almost 8 years of his life.  It wa s 8 years
of hope, because he believed that that filing cabinet and the folders it
contained were going to help him uncover the Truth.  The Truth the he<= BR> sought which would bring his sister back to him.   On our way fro m
Antarctica he told me of what he had been told as to why his sister was
taken.  I listened, of course.  I always listen to him.  Tha t's one of the
reasons he trusts me.  I listen to his theories, I don't ridicule him and
call him "Spooky."  I treat him equal, as my partner, as does he. &nbs p;In the
hallway of his apartment he told me that I had saved him.  My science had
saved him.  Now he wants me to change and be the person I'm not.   ;He wants
me to become a "believer" like him, just because I was with him in
Antarctica, in the space craft.  I was out of it.  I mean complet ely out of
it.  I really don't know what I saw.  All I know is that he rescu ed me.  He
left everything back in DC behind and came all the way to Antarctica to
rescue me.  I don't know how he got there, to tell you the truth. &nbs p;He just
came and saved me.  Afterwards, because the OPR had to review our case to
be reassigned to the x-files, they gave us time off.  We spent most of it
putting the files back together, sorry to say, while watching baseball on TV.  All Yankee games, of course.  Mulder's favorite team.  = Luckily they
were in the playoffs and we alternated the duty of host each night.  D uring
the travel days we stayed by ourselves.  We gave each other some space .  I
really could have done without the space, though.  Being around him wa s
invigorating.  We'd have discussions about who's better, "El Duque" or Andy
Pettitte, and I said Andy Pettitte while he argued "El Duque" was.  He
would tease me and ask if it was because Andy's large nose turned me on. &n bsp;I
would answer that it did and he would reply that there was a large nose in<= BR> front of me waiting to be loved.  I remember thinking at that moment t hat
his slightly large nose did seriously turn me on, but admitting it to him would surely mean I'd be crossing a line that had been drawn.  When we
tried to over step that boundary only bad things happen.  The bee stin g,
for example.  When you really think about, we were so close, yet so fa r.
Our lips were about a millimeter apart, yet an almost kiss is so far away and different from a kiss.  God, I hate that saying.  The night t he Yankees
won the World Series was exciting, joyous for more than the obvious reason.=
 At first I wished that they wouldn't sweep, because that would mean m ore
nights alone with him, but then I soon realize that having them sweep
caused him to be more ebullient.  During that whole fourth game we wer e
huddled together on his couch.  His arms around my waist and my head resting against his chest.  I could feel his breath against my hair. &= nbsp;After
that last out I turned to face him and I swear I saw a spark go off.  = I
couldn't take the waiting and the voices in my head telling me "No!  N o!
No!" anymore.  I moved my head closer to his mouth, slowly.  He s aw what I
was doing and moved in towards me.  There was so much emotion and happ iness
in his eyes.  Our lips were a millimeter apart and he whispered, "They won,
Scully."  I answered, "We won, too, Mulder."  Our parted lips tou ched,
innocently at first, then I parted my lips and his tongue entered.  He
tasted every part of my mouth and then I let my tongue enter his mouth. &nb sp;I
viciously licked and fought his tongue and felt the unresolved sexual
tension between us fade away.  There was no more of that UST I had rea d
about.  He finally broke the kiss, much to my disappointment. He compl ained
that we couldn't continue, it would ruin our quest to get the x-files back.=
 I felt like pounding my fists into his chest and screaming, "Forget a bout
those God-damned x-files!  Forget about the massive government conspir acy
against the world!  Just make love to me!"  I didn't say those th ings.  I
just nodded my head, silently agreeing to what he had just said.  It reminded me of when you go to see a movie and you see a preview for a movie
that you really want to see and you say to yourself, "Gee, when that movie<= BR> comes out I'm going to definitely see it," and then when the time comes
around for the movie to open and you're all psyched, the movie's opening
has been delayed indefinitely.  Okay, that was a bad analogy, but it described how I felt at the time.  Then he asked me never to speak of it
again and that the kiss was an honest mistake.  An honest mistake?
Obviously I must have missed something, because I don't think his tongue
just mistakenly made it inside my mouth.  Again, I just nodded my head , but
this time I got off the couch and walked towards the door.  I mumbled a
"Thank you for inviting me over," and I left.  My eyes were blurry as I
drove home, then tears started to fall.  I wiped them away as quickly as I
could, because I was strong, independent Dana Scully.  I fought crimin als
with my bare hands, and survived almost freezing to death in the Antarctic.=
 Surely I could survive being rejected by Fox Mulder.  The truth is, I
couldn't survive being rejected by Fox Mulder.  He is part of me, just as I
am a part of him.  I thought he wanted us to be partners in the full s ense
of the word.  Here I am now, still getting over that night the Yankees
became World Champions for the 24th time.  The day before the OPR meet ing
he explained to me that he had no problem with the actually kiss itself, he
only had a problem with the consequences of it.  "What if someone foun d out
about us?  Where would that leave us?  We have a hard enough time getting
along with the FBI as it is now with out complicating things even further."
 I couldn't argue with him, because in a way he was right.  I agr eed, no
surprise there, and the case of our kiss the night the New York Yankees won
the World Series was closed.  I've spent sleepless nights wondering ab out
the real reason he stopped our relationship from going further.  There is
one reason I can think of that makes sense:  Diana.  They became involved
shortly after they became partners.  Byars even thought they would
eventually get married.    Then she left him.  Just lef t him alone in DC
with no friends, no nothing except for a broken heart.   What if he thought
if we became involved I'd leave him just like Diana did?  He had trust ed
Diana completely and she had broken the trust and went away.  I can on ly
think that he believes the same thing might happen again if we become more<= BR> than just best friends.  He doesn't want his heart broken again.   ;It would
mean more pain in his overly intolerable existence.  But he's wrong. &= nbsp;I'm
not Diana.  I would never leave him.  He's got to trust me.   ;Like I've said
before, it comes down to a matter of trust.  I guess it always has.

End! --MS_Mac_OE_2993854544_600265_MIME_Part--