From: "Jasmine Wahlberg" Date sent: Fri, 13 Feb 1998 22:59:40 -0500 Title: It Gets Worse Author: Jazz Feedback: spookymulder1013@hotmail.com Rating: PG Categories: V/R-H Spoilers: None Keywords: Mulder/Scully romance. Humor. Summary: Mulder tells the story of his hellish weekend with the Gunmen while he has a cold. Disclaimer: The X-Files, Mulder, Scully, and the Gunmen belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen, and FOX, blah, blah, blah....not to me....blah, blah....I make no money from them....blah.....entertainment purposes only....blah, blah. Note: If what Mulder is saying doesn't make any sense, just say it out loud. Pretend you have a cold. It'll make sense, I hope. If it doesn't, mail me (I'm REALLY desperate for people to mail me, okay?) and I'll explain. This was meant to be humorous. Just popped into my head one day when I was home with a cold. ******************** Monday, October 9 "Hey Mulder! How was your weekend? My little 'vacation' was good. What did you do all weekend? I just stayed home." Mulder had just walked into the basement office. But there was something very wrong. "Mulder, you look like hell. What's wrong?" He looked up at her with bloodshot eyes. "Scully, I'b sichh." "What?" Mulder pulled a tissue out of his pocket and blew his nose. "I'm sick, Scully." Scully couldn't help but chuckle a little. All she got back was a glare from Mulder. "Oh, I'm sorry. It's just....oh, never mind. What did you do this weekend?" Mulder sighed. It had been a bad weekend. *Yeah, especially spending it without her,* he thought. "Well, Scully, I did a little...I sthpent sthome time with the Gudnmend. We habd a hell of a weeked. Id wad just too mush." She almost burst out laughing. Scully was having an awful time understanding him, but he sounded so silly trying to talk with a stuffy nose and a sore throat, she couldn't help it. *I should be feeling more sympathetic. He's sick.* "Okay, Mulder, go for it." "Well, it stharded out okay. We decided to go od a liddle dtrip oudt to a lake id Pendsylbadeea. They were doig thome rethearch od a UFO hotsthpot there. They said they deschided to tage bee wid dem." "Mulder, blow your nose. I can't understand you." "Oh, sthorry, Sthcuddy." He blew his nose again, making a disgusting noise that made Dana Scully explode into an uncontainable fit of giggles. He yawned. "Dodn't laugh, Scully. You'll probably catch this frob be. Addyway, we were id a cabid they subhow got. I dnow how paradoid they are, stho I dodn't dnow how they pulled that off. They said, 'Hey, while we're here why dot do sub fizzhing?' I dodn't really dnow why, but we didn't thee addy UFO's, stho we did thome fizzhing. Oud od a boad." "Out on a boat?" Scully was having a hell of a time keeping up. "Oud od a boad. Keeb ub, Scully. Byers didn't wadda go. He sthtade idside. Addyway, we had fund for a while, but Frohiggy ad Laggly got into a fight od the boad ad subhow tibbed be over the edge indo the wadder." "Oh, no, Mulder. It must have been freezing!" Mulder gave her his best pout. "Yeth, ath a madder of fact, Sthcully, id wad." He blew his nose again. "The bad part was, they jutht sthtood there. They didn't know whad to do. I sthaid, 'Ged be oud of the wadder before I freethze.' They evetchually did. But I wad alreddy cold and jutht sthaid, 'Sthcrew ith, I'b goig id.' " Scully couldn't contain her laughter this time. Hearing him say, "Sthcrew ith" just drove her over the edge. She nearly fell out of her chair laughing. It tipped back precariously as she threw her head back in another howl. "Id geth worthse,Sthcully." "Mulder...! Oh, Mulder I'm so sorry! That's just so damn funny! Oh, God!" Mulder started to laugh too. "Sthcully, I woodent sthnort whed you laugh if I were you. Id mages you soud like Stheve Urgel." The laughter got worse hearing him trying to say "Steve Urkel." But neither one of them could believe she had just laughed so hard she snorted. "Mulder, just keep telling the story. I PROMISE I'll stop." "Ohkay. Well, I ged id the cabid, ad Byerth hath thith birthday cake. I dab neer forgod id wad by birthday Friday, Sthcully. But they haddn't forgodded. Laggly ad Frohiggy cabe id avter ad said, 'Sthurpride!' But they oped the door while I wad behide id, hid be wid the door, ad docked be ober iddo the cake." "They knocked you into the cake, Mulder?" Scully felt sorry, but it was just too funny. It was Mulder's birthday on Friday. Friday the Thirteenth. Hmm. "Yed, Sthcully, iddo the cake. I had cake all over be. Cake id by hair, cake od by shird, cake ebrywhere. Byers said he wad sthorry. He god be a tdowel to wibe the cake off. Thed he athked why I wad all wed. I thold hib thad Frohiggy ad Laggly threw be iddo the lake. He god be a blagget ad sat be by the fire. Too clothe to the fire, Sthcuddy. I didn't realithe, but I sthat od the floor by the fire, ad a sthpark god oddoo the blagget. Id caughd fire." Her laughter suddenly caught in her throat. She was immediately frightened. "Oh, my God, Mulder, you caught fire? What did you do?" Mulder shook his head. "No, Sthcully, I didn't cath fire. The blagged did. Addyway, the Gudmed didn't know wad to do agaid. I didn't eben realithe the blagged wath od fire. They ruthed be oud the door ad threw be iddo the lake agaid. They're thmart, bud nod very wed id cobes to thigs like thad." Scully stifled a giggle. "Another tissue, Mulder?" She offered him the box from her desk. He took the box politely and said, "Thag you, Sthcully." He blew his nose twice before returning to the story. "It gethts worthse. After they god be oud of the lake again, I thaid, 'You could'ub jutht tagen the blagged off ad threw id in the lake.' They admidded their sthtupiddidy ad said sthorry. They jutht god sthcared. I uddersthand why. But they toog be bag insthide, ad I wad shibberig. They wrabbed be ub id a blagget furder frob the fire ad tried to make be chiggen thoup. I didn't dnow the Gudmed could cook. Well, id turnds oud they cadn't. Becauthe thed whed they tried to light the gath sthove, subhow the whole cabbid wed up id flabes." "They set the CABIN on fire???" Scully let another peal of laughter ring. "Oh, jeez, Mulder, I'm sorry. Did you guys get out okay?" Mulder chuckled softly. He knew this must sound completely retarded. "Yeth, Sthcully, we all god oud okay. But it geths worthse." "What do you mean, it gets worse?" Scully couldn't believe it got this bad already. "Ith doeth! I levd by cellphode id the cabid. We couldit call the fire depardmed. So we decided to just go dribe iddo towd ad ged theb ad go hobe. But we god iddo the car ad it wouldet sthart. The baddery died. We walged fibe miles iddo towd to ged helb. I wad freethzig. I wad alreddy geddig sthick. But we god helb ad cabe hobe. I god id by door. I god a dotithe od by door thad I wath goig do be evichted iv I didn't bay by rednt. Whisch I alreddy did. I wed idsthide to feed by fizh ad they were dead. The power wed oud ad the aerador ad the wadder heeder were dead. By poor fizh. Ad by ladlord wathn't too habby thad I sthcreabed ad hib aboud the evichshed dotice. But at leatht I shtill hab by abardmed." "Oh, Mulder, I'm so sorry." She went over and hugged him. "For what it's worth, Happy Birthday...early. I wanted to take you out for your birthday on Friday night. But if you're too sick--" "No, Sthcully, I hobe I'll be bedder by thed. I'd like to go oud." "Good. Poor Mulder, sick on the week of his birthday." She felt really bad for him. Looking at him, she felt so bad, that she couldn't do anything. Then it occurred to her. She could do something. She wanted to do something. She gave him a kiss. "Better?" Mulder smiled surprisedly, but then bit his lip. "Yeth, Sthcully, thag you." He hugged her back. "But you realithe what thith meades?" "No, Mulder, what?" "You probabbly bost cerdadly hab by cold dnow, Thcully." Scully frowned for a second, then smiled. "Then it's not going to hurt me if I do it again, is it?" She did. ---end--- So, what did you think? Honestly. I'd love to hear it! Even if it's just asking what the heck Mulder was saying. Even if it's a flame. It's cold up here! But there were already enough flames going on in the story, though, I don't think we need any more. Mail me at spookymulder1013@hotmail.com Thanks!