TITLE: It Just Doesn't Seem Real AUTHOR: Debbie Cullen djc45@hotmail.com RATING: G CLASSIFICATION: Mulder/Scully Romance KEYWORDS: SPOILERS: SUMMARY: Mulder returns. FEEDBACK: Please! I appreciate all feedback - for or against. DISCLAIMER: Anything "X-Files" that I may have used, do not belong to me. They belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions as well, of course, as David and Gillian who bring Mulder and Scully to life so vividly every week. Also the words of "If You Came Back From Heaven" (Lorrie Morgan) are not mine. I just borrowed them because they fit this story so well. IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM REAL This is the day of Mulder's funeral. It was almost the most difficult day of her life. Second only to the day she saw Mulder's lifeless body in the woods. She'd never really imagined that he'd be dead. Injured, like she'd been, but not dead! Her eyes welled with tears as soon as she got in the car. The tears were flowing freely now. In an effort to get her mind off Mulder, she turns the radio on. It works ... for a little while at least. At least until the words of a particular song hit her like a ton of bricks. The next thing she remembers is hearing horns honking. Only then does she realize that she has stopped the car in the middle of the road. The motorists around her honk to get her to move out of their way. She quickly pulls the car over and parks. When she looks around she doesn't even recognize where she is. She doesn't remember how she got here. Hell, she doesn't even remember stopping the car. All she remembers is that song. She doesn't remember ever hearing it before, but she feels like the words have been etched on her soul. All of a sudden, she wants to be at home. Maybe she'll go to Mulder's. Soon she won't be able to go there anymore. In approximately forty-five minutes, she is letting herself into Mulder's apartment, for what feels like may be the last time. She goes into the bedroom and finds one of Mulder's shirts thrown over a chair. She takes the shirt and crumples it up near her face. It smells like Mulder. She walks out to the living room, still holding Mulder's shirt. She turns on the stereo. Then she goes and curls up on the couch. She closes her eyes and brings his shirt up to her face. She can almost imagine he's right here with her ... ALMOST! She is just about to drift off to sleep, when she hears that song again. She just lies there and listens, tears rolling down her cheeks. I wouldn't know what to do I wouldn't know what to say If you came back from heaven And I could look at you Would I fumble for the words Would I be a little shy Would I burst right out with laughter Or break right down and cry. Oh, if you came back from heaven Would it be like it was then Could we just pick up where we left off And try it all again Oh, if you came back from heaven It would freeze me in my tracks And I hope God knows if he let you go I'd never send you back. Do your kisses feel the same Do you still have the same touch Will you whisper softly Cause you've missed me so much Have you heard all my prayers When I lay down at night Did you feel my body When I held your pillow tight. Oh, if you came back from heaven Would it be like it was then Could we just pick up where we left off And try it all again Oh, if you came back from heaven It would freeze me in my tracks And I hope God knows, if he let you go I'd never send you back. And if God forbid you leave this earth again while I sleep I hope he know if you go, you'll be bringing me. Oh, if you came back from heaven Would it be like it was then Could we just pick up where we left off And try it all again Oh, if you came back from heaven It would freeze me in my tracks And I hope God knows, if he let you go I'd never send you back. And I hope God knows, if he let you go I'd never send you back. She didn't know where this song came from, she only knew the way it wrenched at her very soul. She is emotionally, as well as physically exhausted. She closes her eyes and falls into a fitful sleep. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Mulder wakes with a start. He is disoriented. He has no idea where he is or how he got there. The last thing he remembers is being in Oregon with Skinner. All of a sudden he starts to shake. He can't explain it, but he has this terrible feeling. It's pain ... but not his pain. Someone else's pain ... Scully's pain. He can actually feel it! "Sccuullly!" he screams out loud. He hears a door opening. It's not until then that he realizes he is tied down to some kind of table or bed. "Who's there?" he asks. "An old friend," is the reply. At the sound of his voice, Mulder's whole body tenses. "You son of a bitch!" he yells. "What have you done to Scully?" The Cigarette Smoking Man steps up beside the table. "Nothing. She's of no concern to us." "She won't let you do this! She'll find me!" "I don't think so. You see, Mr. Mulder, she believes you are dead. She isn't going to be looking for you anymore." "What ... why are you doing this?" "Mulder, you are the only person that has been exposed to the black cancer and not died. We need to find out why, in order to proceed with our project. It may be the key to why we haven't had a successful alien/human hybrid. The fate of humanity depends on this work." Mulder is furious. If he weren't tied down, he's kill the bastard! "You may as well accept your fate, Mulder." With that he walks out the door and locks it behind him. he prays. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Scully wakes with a start. She sits bolt upright. "Mulder!" she cries. She slowly lays back down realizing it was only a dream. Try as she might, she can't seem to fall back to sleep. About 7:00 am, she hears a key go in the lock. But then she sees Mulder's landlord walk in the door. As soon as he sees her, he apologizes. "I'm sorry, I didn't know anyone was here." "It's not your fault. I got here very late last night." Recognizing her voice, Skinner steps inside. "Agent Scully, what are you doing here?" "I don't really know. I just needed to be here, so I came over." "Well, if that's all you need, I'll be on my way," the landlord says. "Yes, thank you," Skinner says. Before he leaves, he turns and looks at Scully. "I'm really sorry to hear about Mr. Mulder." "Thank you," she says trying not to cry. The landlord then slips out the door. After an awkward silence, Skinner says, "I just came over to start packing up Mulder's things. They're going to want to rent the apartment after all." "I can take care of it." "Look, I'm already here, why don't you let me help?" "If you want to..." "Agent Scully, I don't want to have to do this, but there really isn't a choice." She just shakes her head in agreement, as the tears are threatening to flow once again. "One more thing. If there's anything you want, please take it. I know Mulder would want it that way." "Thank you, sir. There are a few things I'd like to have especially for our baby!" she says as she reflexively rubs her stomach softly. It is a long, hard day, especially for Scully. Skinner tries a number of times to get her to go home, but she refuses. Maybe if she sees this through she'll finally be able to accept it. Part way through the day, she asks Skinner if he's ever heard this song before. She's only heard it a couple of times and she could practically recite it word for word. Skinner tells her that he doesn't listen to the radio much so he's not really a good person to ask. Scully explains to him how this song struck her. It is exactly how she feels. It feels like it is tearing her soul to shreds every time she hears it. By 8:00 PM, they had everything boxed and labeled. Skinner noticed that there was more that she wanted to keep than there was to get rid of. "I'm afraid that's all I can part with right now. Someday, maybe more will go." "Look, Scully why don't we leave this for tonight? Tomorrow I'll get someone to bring this stuff to your place." Scully gets kinds of a frightened look on her face. "Don't worry," Skinner says. "I'll make sure you get all the boxes you said you wanted." "Okay, I guess." "Well, why don't we go and get something to eat?" "Thanks, but I really need to go home and go to bed. It's been a really hard day." "Okay, I understand. We need to get together though. There's something I need to discuss with you." "Just give me a couple of days and I'll be all ears." Skinner opens the door. Scully takes one last look around the room. She knew she was going to miss this place. Before she leaves, she opens one of the boxes and takes out Mulder's Knicks' jersey. "I think I'll take this with me," she says and walks out the door. When she gets home, she lets herself into her apartment. Once she's inside, she just looks around. With Mulder gone, it just feels different. They had spent a lot of time here together. Now it felt empty. She went into her bedroom and sat down on the bed, still holding his Knicks' jersey. That's what he had been wearing that day. He'd come over to see her after he'd been running. After he'd had a shower, they sat down and talked. He had told her that night about how much he loved her. How important she was to him. He leaned over and kissed her. She responded, fueled by the years of sexual tension that had built up between them. She regretted it more than she can say now, but she had pulled away. She told him that she loved him too and she wanted to make love with him. She just wanted it all to be perfect. She'd never felt this way about anyone before. She'd h ad sex before, but had never made love. That had been saved for him and when it happened, she wanted it to be special. He had been so sweet. He was obviously very disappointed, but he told her that he'd waited this long, awhile longer wouldn't hurt. Besides, he didn't want to do anything until it was right for both of them. Now she would never know what it was like to make love with a man that she loved that deeply. There would never be anyone else that she could love that much. He was gone forever! Before she fell apart completely, she puts his shirt down on the bed and started to get ready for bed. When she came back from the bathroom, she started to get into bed. She stopped and took her pajama top off and slipped into Mulder's Knicks' jersey. Now she felt better. She lay down and fell into a restless sleep. In her dream, she was walking down a long hallway. When she got to the end, she was in a large room that almost looked like a laboratory. In the middle of the room was a large examination table. When she looked on the table, her heart skipped a beat. It was Mulder. She tried to go to him, but her feet were frozen to the spot! She couldn't move! Then, slowly descending from the roof came what appeared to be a large rotating saw. It was going straight for Mulder's chest. She knew what was going to happen and she was powerless to prevent it. Just before the saw touched him, Mulder opened his eyes. When he saw what was about to happen, he screamed! Scully woke with a start. It took her a few minutes to realize it was only a dream. It had been so real! When the saw cut into him, she felt his pain, and his fear! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Mulder didn't know how long he'd been asleep, but when he woke, he heard strange noises, almost like motors revving up. When he opened his eyes, all he saw was a large saw descending towards his chest. When the saw touched him and sliced his flesh, the pain was excruciating. He let out a scream louder than even he thought he was capable of. Then he passed out. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Scully sat shaking for several minutes. When she looked at the clock, it said 5:35 am. She didn't even want to try and go back to sleep. She got up and went to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. She knew she should try and eat something but just the thought of it made her stomach turn. This is pretty much how things went for the next couple of days. Every time she closed her eyes and tried to sleep, she would dream about Mulder. Each dream would involve another "test" (more like torture) on him and each time she would be unable to help him. One morning about 9:00 a.m., her phone rang. She picks up the phone "Scully." "Agent Scully, its A.D. Skinner." "Hello, sir," she replies very tired and despondent. "Agent Scully, are you okay?" "Just tired. I haven't been sleeping very well." "Would you be up to coming in and talking to me today? I told you there was something I needed to talk to you about and I really need to get it resolved." "Sure. I'll be there in a while." "Okay, see you then. Bye," and he hangs up. He is somewhat concerned. Scully really did not sound good. Hopefully, what he wants to propose will help. Scully goes about getting ready. She goes through the motions, but doesn't really have any enthusiasm for this meeting. Probably just another speech about how she has to get on with her life. It takes her about an hour to get ready. It then takes her about another 45 minutes to arrive in Skinner's office. When she arrives, Skinner realizes that she's in even worse shape than he ever dreamed. "Agent Scully, come in and sit down." He was genuinely worried about her. She really didn't look well. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asks, concerned. "I'll be fine as soon as I get a good night's sleep." "You've been having trouble sleeping? ... If you want to tell me what's wrong, I'm willing to listen." "What was it you wanted to talk to me about, sir?" she asks, trying to change the subject. "I wanted to ask you if you be interested in a particular assignment. You would be perfect for it." "What is it?" He pauses for a moment and then he says, "The X-Files." She is dumbfounded. She was sure they would just close down the X-Files and she would be assigned elsewhere. Before she can even think of what to say, he says. "I know you're surprised by this. I truly believe that Mulder was on to something and you're the only one I know who just might be able to find out what it was." "This really means a lot to me," she replies. "Besides, I know Mulder would want it this way," Skinner says. He pauses and then continues, "You're obviously very upset, understandably so, but are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" "I don't honestly know if talking about it will do any good." "Why don't you give it a try." "I just can't get a good night's sleep. Every time I fall asleep, I dream about Mulder. Every dream is about him being tortured - in a variety of different ways. I'm always there, but I can't help him! When I wake up I'm so shaken that there's no way I can even think bout going back to sleep." "Has this been happening every since we were in Montana?" "No, actually, it started the night of the funeral. The dreams are so real. It's almost like he's trying to tell me something." "Agent Scully, I think that's wishful thinking. You know he's dead. You saw him buried." "I know, it's just ... oh God," and she collapses to the floor. Skinner comes around his desk and finds her unconscious on the floor. He picks up the phone and calls 911. She doesn't regain consciousness before the paramedics arrive. A couple of times she called out for Mulder, but other than that, she was still and quiet - deathly so. When the paramedics arrive, Skinner moves out of the way. He gives them what information he can and makes a point of telling them about her pregnancy. When he is once again alone in his office, he calls Mrs. Scully. He tells her what he knows. She says she's on her way to the hospital and he tells her he'll meet her there. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Mulder wakes once again, with a start. He has a horrible feeling of dread and sadness. He instinctively knows that Scully is in danger. He curses the Cancerman for doing this to them. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Mrs. Scully is the first person to arrive at the hospital. She is really worried and upset, so the doctor comes out to speak to her. "How is my daughter?" "Not very well, I'm afraid. She is in imminent danger of losing her baby ..." Maggie just stares at him blankly, trying to comprehend what he has just said. Immediately, the doctor realizes that she didn't know about the baby. "I'm sorry! I just assumed you knew!" "It's not your fault. I just don't understand why Dana didn't tell me. Please continue. Is there anything else I should know?" "Well, she's dehydrated and seriously undernourished. She could lose the baby." Skinner arrives just in time to hear the end of what the doctor said. Without even introducing himself, he asks "Is there anything you can do to prevent that?" "We have done everything we can. Now it's just a waiting game. At this point, it could go either way," the doctor tells them. "Can I see her?" Maggie asks. "She'll be pretty out of it for a few hours, but as soon as the nurse is done in there, you certainly can." "Thank you, Maggie replies. The doctor then turns and leaves. "Mr. Skinner, could I speak to you for a minute?" "Sure," he says as he heads for a bench outside Scully's room. "What can I do for you?" "You knew my daughter was pregnant, didn't you?" "Yes, she told me." "Why didn't she tell me?" "I really don't know. I know she didn't want to tell too many people. She was afraid the FBI would use it to remove her from the X-Files. She felt the X-Files were her only hope of finding Mulder." Skinner can tell by the look on Maggie's face that she finally understands. "Are you telling me that Mulder is the father of her baby?" "Yes, I believe he is." Maggie completely loses it. "How could he do that? How could he get my daughter pregnant and then just take off. I expected more from him!" "It wasn't like that," Skinner says. "Oh, really?" Then you tell me how it was." "First of all, he loved your daughter very much. He wouldn't let her go back to Oregon with him because he was afraid of something happening to her! When he left, he didn't know she was pregnant. She didn't even find out until after he was gone." With that, Maggie sees the nurse come out of Scully's room. She rises. "I have to go and see my daughter." Skinner reaches out and places his hand on her arm. She looks back at him. "Please, don't get into this with her now. It could push her over the edge and she couldn't handle that right now. She could lose this baby. Maggie just barely shakes her head and turns to leave. Skinner stops her again. "Please!" Maggie is really upset and she does intend to discuss this matter with Dana, but it can wait - a little while at least. When Maggie enters her daughter's room, she is slightly taken aback by how weak & pale she looks. Scully hears her mom enter the room. She looks at her and tries to smile. Her eyes are full of tears. She is so scared! Maggie comes over and puts her arms around her daughter. "It's going to be okay." "Mom, I have to talk to you. You didn't know this, but I'm pregnant!" She stops there, giving it time to sink in. "Dana, why didn't you tell me?" "I wanted to Mom, it's just that things have been so hectic." "Can you imagine how I felt when the doctor told me about the baby?" "I'm sorry, Mom. I'm just so scared. There's a really good chance that I could lose the baby. I can't lose this baby! I've already lost Mulder, I can't lost his baby ... I just can't!" "Dana, I wanted to talk to you about that. How could he get you pregnant and then just ups and leave you?!" "It wasn't like that, Mom. " "Oh? That's the way it looks to me." "I don't want to get into this right now." She can feel her anger building rapidly. She knows how dangerous that could be to her baby. She sees how upset her mother is. "Mom, I can't do this right now ... I need you to leave!!" Maggie is furious. "This isn't finished!" she says as she stomps out of the room. Scully is just relieved to be alone and able to calm down. A few minutes later, Skinner poked his head in the door. "Are you okay? I saw your Mom leave and she looked really upset> I just wanted to make sure you were okay." "Please, come in. My Mom started in on Mulder and I just couldn't take it, so I asked her to leave." "Well, I'm glad you're okay. The doctor says that you're dehydrated and under-nourished." "I know, but I just can't eat. The thought of food is enough to make me physically ill. These dreams are really scaring me! The doctor said he's going to give me something to help me sleep tonight. "Good. I'm gonna go. I'll stop by tomorrow." "Thank you," Scully says as she reaches out and shakes his hand. About 10:00 p.m., the nurse comes and gives her a shot, in her IV, to help her sleep. Scully just prayed that it would work. Several hours later, Scully hears a noise in her room. When she opens her eyes, she doesn't see anything at first. Then she hears the noise again and it attracts her attention to the corner. When she realizes whom she's seeing, she takes a breath in sharply. She's afraid to release the air, for fear he will disappear. "Mulder?" she asks doubtingly. "It's me Scully. I'm on my way back to you. Hold on. I'll be there soon." Then the image slowly disappeared. She knew that should upset her, but it didn't. She felt calmer than she'd felt since before Mulder disappeared. She lay back down and fell right to sleep. She slept very peacefully for the rest of the night. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Mulder lay very still. He had finally managed to get his bindings undone. He could hear a disturbance outside the laboratory. If they came in here, he would have to appear to be still restrained. If not, he would escape once they were gone. Unfortunately, he heard the door open. As much as he wanted to see who was there, he knew he didn't dare open his eyes. "Here the file is," says a lab technician. Mulder immediately recognized the voice. The technician picks up the file and leaves the room. When Mulder doesn't hear anything else for sometime, he gets up and goes over to the door. He eases it open and looks outside. He knows this is his chance. Twenty minutes later, he emerges from the building. The building is surrounded by dense brush. He takes off running. The branches and burs stick and cut him, but he doesn't let it slow him down. "I'm on my way back to you, Scully. Hold on. I'll be there soon." XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX It takes him three days to get to Georgetown. He heads right to Scully's apartment. She isn't home when he arrives. He manages to 'pick' her lock and lets himself in. He goes into the bedroom, lays down and passes out. Scully puts the key in the door and opens it. She turns and looks at Skinner. "You take it easy and I'll check in with you tomorrow." Skinner tells her. He leaves and she closes the door. She never realized how really lonely this apartment could be. She put her overnight bag down and walked to the bathroom. She flicked on the light and stood looking at herself in the mirror. Tears began to roll down her cheeks. She turns off the light and heads to her bedroom. She stops in the doorway, when she sees a body on her bed. She pulls her weapon. "Freeze!" she commands. When there is no movement at all, she reaches over and turns on the light. When she sees who is laying on her bed, she gets weak in the knees and almost faints. Somehow she manages to get over and sit on the edge of the bed. She reaches out tentatively and touches his arm. He moves a little and she pulls back reflexively. Could this really be true? Just then he opens his eyes and as soon as she looks into his hazel eyes, she knows it's true. He's really back! "How?" she asks. He is very weak, but he knows she deserves an explanation. "The alien abductions were a hoax. Cancerman took those people to further his own 'project.' I was one of the lucky ones. I got away. You gave me the strength to get away, Scully." She then notices a badly infected incision on his chest. It stops her dead in her tracks. When she gently touches the cut, he cringes. "Mulder, you're not going to believe this..." "Believe what?" "I saw them do that to you." She proceeds to tell him about the dream she had. She then told him about other dreams she had. For every one of her dreams, Mulder had a scar to match it. "Mulder, you need a doctor." "I've got one," he says as he looks up at her. "Mulder, that scar on your chest is seriously infected. You need antibiotics." "I promise I'll do whatever you want me to - tomorrow. Just let me have this time with you ... Enough about me. How are you?" "There's so much I want to tell you but I guess the best place to start is right here," she tells him as she gently rubs her stomach. Mulder doesn't understand. "Mulder ... I'm pregnant!" He can't believe his ears. Could it really be? "I'm so happy for you, Scully. I know how much having a baby meant to you." "It's not my baby, Mulder, it's ours!" "I'm not sure what you're getting at?" "I know this baby means a lot to you too. You will make a wonderful father." "I hope so." "The whole time you were gone, Mulder, I kept feeling like you were still alive. I kept telling them 'It just doesn't seem real.' Nobody would believe me. "While you were gone, I realized how much I wanted you to be a part of this pregnancy. How much I needed you to be. I love you." Then she leaned down and kissed him with all the passion that she truly felt. THE END