From: Ladyhawk Date: Mon, 15 Mar 1999 19:08:37 -0500 Subject: It's Life: He Stumbles and Falls by Ladyhawk 1/1 MSR NC-17 TITLE: It's Life: He Stumbles and Falls AUTHOR: Ladyhawk EMAIL ADDRESS: funger1@hofstra.edu DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, just tell me SPOILER WARNING: Up to One Son and Arcadia CLASSIFICATION: V, A, R RATING: NC-17 CONTENT WARNING: Alternate Universe SUMMARY: How can Mulder face a situation, that up until now, has been a disaster? DISCLAIMER: CC owns them all REALITY DISCLAIMER: No, I don't know if disabled people can be hired by the FBI as field agents. I've never tried to apply. I highly doubt it though, we would be too much of a liability to them. (And if you haven't picked up the implied statement: Yes, I am disabled too.) LH Author's notes: I'm beginning to like this after-ep thing for my universe, so here I go again. Assume Arcadia happened pretty much as is. Lili, this is for you. Just so you know that you didn't offend me before. Feedback welcome at funger1@hofstra.edu It's Life: He Stumbles and Falls by Ladyhawk (funger1@hofstra.edu) God, I'm glad that's over. Maybe now I can sort through this mess I'm in. I lean back in my seat in the minivan as Scully manuevers us to the airport. The silence in here is deafening. I guess she's still upset at me. In fact, I think she's furious. She has been since before this undercover case started. I assume that's why she wouldn't let me sleep in the bed with her in Arcadia Falls. The FBI had nothing to do with it. They probably would have never found out. And if they did, Skinner would cover for us. He knows our relationship has gotten more. . .intense. But now I don't know where Scully and I stand. Our fight was pretty bad. It started a few days before we went undercover. . . --------------------------------------------------- We were at her apartment going over the case. We discussed the layout..what we would have to do, the stories we should make up. We couldn't decide what I should do for a living. But we knew I needed a stay-at-home job because I'd need to watch the house if Scully had to use the lab in San Diego. "You can be a writer." "Scully, what if they ask to see the books I write?" "Tell them you're shy about your work." "I could say I'm a computer programmer. Or an organizer for a MUFON group?" "Mull-der!" I just love annoying Scully sometimes. Just then, the phone rings. Scully answers it. I hear a "Hi Mom." right before she moves into the kitchen, where I can't make out what she's saying. A couple minutes later, she comes back into the living room pensively. "Mom wants us to come to dinner after we wrap up this case. She wants you to meet Charlie. He'll be on leave. . ." "No!" My body freezes in fear that I can't express. But she wouldn't back down. "Mulder, this is important to Mom. Now that we are officially a couple. . ." "We're not engaged. What's the big deal?" "Mulder, it's for my mother. . ." "No, Scully!" "Why not?" I could see her face beginning to turn red. That's when I freaked out. I have faced mutants, aliens and Consortium members and barely blinked an eye. But the prospect of meeting the rest of Scully's family and the implications thereof sent me into a full-blown panic attack. All I could think of is 'I'm going to lose her.' I grabbed my canes from underneath the coffee table. I was so agitated that I barely made out Scully's pleas for me to stay as I grabbed my leather jacket and shrugged into it. I walked out of her apartment without so much as a goodbye. We didn't talk about the incident at all after it happened. Not while doing the rest of our planning. Not during the operation. I guess Scully assumed we had too much work to do to let our personal problems interfere. But her voice was definitely twenty degrees cooler than it was the week before. I wanted to try to tell her, explain to her what I was going through, but I didn't know how. How do you tell your lover that her family will tell her that I'm not good enough for her? And that they just might be right? ---------------------------------------------------------------- Our flight back to DC was quiet. Scully spent most of the time writing our report on Arcadia Falls. I did a lot of staring out the window and wondering. Have I destroyed our relationship with my panicked response? Is there any going back, trying to fix the damage I caused? Should I just give in to Scully and meet her younger brother, and let her walk away from me? My sigh as we get up to leave the plane makes Scully look at me pensively. She doesn't say a word, but helps me sling my carry-on case on my back after I have my canes on my arms. My heart sinks though, as, when we walk to the luggage carousel, she just grabs her bag and leaves. She doesn't say a word to me or even look back. I was going to go home from here and maybe try to find a way to call Scully and explain. I figured not seeing her face would make it easier to tell her my dilemma. But after her departure, I rethink my plans. The office would be better. Burying myself in work is better than facing my failure alone. She obviously doesn't want to talk to me. I look at my watch after completing my sixth 302 for tonight. It's 7:30 PM. I get up from my wheelchair to stretch my muscles and almost fall when my muscles protest. But before I can do more than sway, I feel a grip on my arm, supporting me. "Agent Mulder, what are you doing here?" I gaze up at Skinner warily as he helps me back into my chair. "I, I just figured I'd catch up on some work, Sir." Skinner raises his eyebrow at this in a good imitation of Scully but doesn't say anything until he closes the door that I have left open. He pulls up Scully's chair to face me and sits down in it. "Is there something wrong, Mulder? I talked to Scully earlier and she sounded. . .hurt when I mentioned your name." "It, it has nothing to do with work." He'd never understand. But he surprises me with what he says next. "I figured that. But it will affect the way you two work, so I'm making it my business. And you look like you need someone to talk to." Do I look that pathetic? I decide to take him up on his implied offer. He's already seen me at my worst. I can't do much more to damage his image of me. I can't meet his eyes as I speak, though. "We had an argument about a week ago. I refused to go with Scully to her mother's to meet her brother, Charlie." "I take it you have a reason for this refusal?" I look up to see Skinner regarding me steadily. I see no judgement in his eyes. "Yeah, her older brother, for starters. The man hates me. He thinks I'm worthless and that I'm going out of my way to get his sister killed." "But you've never seen this Charlie. What makes you think he's the same as Bill?" I know Skinner met Bill Jr. while Scully was in the hospital for her cancer. He knows what I'm talking about. "I've never met a family member or friend of any woman I've dated that doesn't look at me with contempt." "What are you talking about?" Skinner looks honestly puzzled. "It's my disability. . .They all think I'm not worth the effort the woman puts into the relationship because all I'll end up doing is draining her. They think I'm totally dependent that I'll never contribute anything to our relationship." I tell him about the mockery I got from Phoebe's friends and the cold stares I got from Diana's. Skinner listens sympathetically, but when I finish, he gets a determined look on his face. "Mulder, you can't let these foolish people ruin the rest of your life." "I don't want to, Sir. Scully's the best thing that ever happened to me." I sigh and close my eyes as the pain of being without her overwhelms me. Skinner's reply is quiet, but its power shoots straight through me. "Scully told me that you are the best thing that ever happened to her, too." He waits until I jerk up in my chair to gaze at him, astounded, before he continues. "Do you think she would let anyone, even her brother, take her away from you? Just because their opinion of you doesn't match hers? She's a very determined woman. She probably would floor Bill if she had heard what he said to you." The image of my little Scully knocking her brother to the floor in anger makes me smile. Skinner's right. I'm not giving Scully enough credit. How could I think she'd drop me flat just because her family doesn't like me? God, looking back on the whole thing makes me cringe. I let her down, badly by not trusting her. Now what do I do? The question must've been reflected on my face because he grabs the receiver of my desk phone and hands it to me. I dial Scully's number but get no answer. She picks up her cellphone on the third ring. "Scully, it's me." "What do you want, Mulder? I'm at my mom's house." She sounds annoyed. I'm not sure how to do this, but I take a deep breath and try to show her that I've come to my senses. "Can you ask your mom to set another place for dinner? I'd like to come over, if she'll have me." "Mulder, what--" "I'll explain it later, I promise. Let me get through this first, ok?" Scully must've picked up the nervousness in my voice because I can hear sympathy in her next words. "Ok, Mulder. I'll tell Mom. What time will you be here?" "In about twenty minutes. Do I need to bring anything?" "Yourself. The rest is taken care of. But I do want an explanation for all this." She gets stern, but not angry. "You'll get it. I just hope you accept it." ---------------------------------------------------------- When I walk into Mrs. Scully's house, I realize how foolish my fears were. Charles Scully doesn't even blink an eye when he sees my canes. In fact, he grabs my right cane when he holds out his hand, so I can shake it. "Agent Mulder. Dana's told me so much about you. I'm glad to finally meet the man that keeps my sister on her toes." I smile at him. This man seems the exact opposite of his brother. "I'm just trying to keep her open to extreme ideas." "Good, Missy never seemed to get through to her. Maybe you will." Scully rolls her eyes at Charlie and shoves us toward the dining room. Mrs. Scully greets me warmly as we enter the room. I return her greeting as we move toward the dining room table. I awkwardly look for a place to put my canes until Charlie stands next to me and holds out his hand. "I'll put them against the wall, if that's ok?" "Yeah, thanks." I hand them over with a smile of appreciation. Charlie sets them in a corner, then sits down next to his mother. I was right in my assessment of Charlie. He is the exact opposite of Bill. He's understanding of the risks Scully took when she joined me on the X-files. He worries about his sister, but lets her make her own choices. This becomes very evident as we discuss a mix of their childhood memories and our past cases. I'm almost sorry to see Charlie leave after we finish our coffee about two hours later. He apologizes profusely to us, but he has to get some sleep before he flies home to his wife tomorrow. I shake his hand with a true respect for this man. Scully and I are shooed out the door right after Charlie leaves. No, Scully can't help clean up. We should go home and spend some time together. I don't know whether to consider Mrs. Scully's insistence a blessing or a curse. I'm not looking forward to telling Scully how foolish I've been. Scully and I agree to meet at her apartment, then move to our separate cars. I have to fight the urge to turn around and drive to my own apartment to avoid Scully's reaction to what I have to tell her. --------------------------------------------------------- When I get to Scully's apartment, her door is unlocked, so I open it cautiously. "Scully?" Her voice carries from further into the apartment. "I'm in the kitchen, Mulder. Have a seat. I'll be right there." As I'm leaning my canes against her armchair, Scully comes into the livingroom carrying two mugs. "I figured that whatever made you refuse to come before must've been pretty bad. So I made us some hot chocolate as, you know, comfort food." She smiles gently at me as she hands me a mug and sits down on the couch next to me. "So tell me." "I uh haven't had good experiences with relatives and friends of the people I dated." I tell her basically the same thing I told Skinner and add "Even your brother, Bill, thinks I'm a fuck-up." "Bill doesn't see you. All he sees is I'm in danger. He's rather pigheaded about protecting me." Scully grabs my hands and caresses them. "Why didn't you tell me this earlier?" "I was afraid you wouldn't understand." "That never stopped you before." Her eyebrow arches. "I didn't think I could convince you this time. You know, that I'm not a loser." "You're not, you're a strong and caring man. And no one, not my family, not Skinner, not even you, is going to convince me otherwise." With those words said, puts down her mug and kisses me. When I pull back from her sweet lips, a question pushes itself forth. "So you forgive me?" "Yes. Next time, though, let's discuss what's bothering you, ok? We'll work it out together." "Yes, dear." I pull her to me for another kiss before my hands start wandering. Scully is more straightforward. She begins unbuttoning my shirt right away. "Impatient, aren't we?" I smirk at her as my hands go to her blouse. "It's been more than a week, Mulder. I've missed you." She pulls off my suitpants, shoes, and boxers as soon as my shirt is gone. "Scully, the, uh, the bedroom?" My voice catches as she caresses my cock gently. "Let's stay here. I have an idea." I watch her slip out of her pants and blouse before she pulls the ottoman in front of me. "Put your feet up, Mulder." Scully helps me ease my long legs onto the cushion. Then she moves onto the couch to straddle my hips. "Oooh, Scully, I think I like this idea." I reach up to unclasp her bra and smooth it down her arms and to the floor. As my hands cup her soft breasts, my face nuzzles her neck. I breath in her scent, her warmth. It comforts me as much as it arouses me. She must have picked up on my feelings because she clutches me close, just letting me absorb her for a time. Her hands begin to explore my chest only when my lips begin moving down her neck. Our arousal is slow, gentle. I cover her breasts with small kisses, delighted in her squirms of pleasure. Her hands wander both to soothe and heat. Only one thing could make this better. "Oh, Laura?" Scully pauses for a second and looks at me, puzzled. Then she catches on. "Yes, Rob?" "Do you think that us, having sex on the lawn, would be considered aesthetically pleasing?" Scully's shout of laughter is exactly what my heart needed. Her chuckles continue as she moves to strip off her underwear. But her mirth turns to moans as she returns to her position and her center brushes my erection. "I don't know, Rob. This may be too beautiful for the likes of Arcadia Falls." I groan my assent as she helps me shift to a comfortable position before she lowers herself on me. Our eyes lock as a sense of unity overwhelms us. No matter how different our opinions, how diverse our experiences, we can exist as a single unit if we trust each other and communicate. I communicate my need to her via my hands on her hips. She lets me guide her into a slow, steady rhythm that slowly builds the pleasure in both of us. We bask in the waves rippling through us until the pleasure builds to a crescendo. And we tumble off that cliff together, arms tight around each other. We shift afterward, to ly down on the couch. Scully's weight on top of me and her whispered "I love you." hold me secure. Her belief in me is my strength to hold the nightmares and memories at bay this night. The sun shining is dim compared to the light from the blue eyes that greet mine in the morning. ------------------------------------ This one took a bit of work to convey the pattern of thoughts that I, and others I've talked to, go through when dealing with friends of our friends, etc. I've met some really nice people. I've also met some really strange ones. We all have, I'm sure. I've just had enough bad experiences to fear them. Yes, JJ, I know you recognize some of this :) This series isn't over yet. I have two more ideas in my head, and there may be more coming. Let me know how I did, please. Feedback welcome at funger1@hofstra.edu And visit the rest of It's Life and my other stuff at: www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Chateau/9659