From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org Date: Fri, 8 Dec 2000 03:04:06 -0600 Subject: JUST HOLD ME (PART 1 OF 2) by mulderache Source: direct Reply To: tgw080160@aol.com TITLE: JUST HOLD ME(PART 1OF2) SPOILERS: EVERYTHING TIL SEASON EIGHT DISCLAIMER: REALLY GUYS THEY ARE NOT MINE. BUT IF THEY ASKED I MIGHT TAKE THEM. THEY DO BELONG TO THE POWERFUL CHRIS CARTER AND 1013 PRODUCTIONS. SUMMARY: SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED SOMEONE TO HOLD YOU! GEORGETOWN MEMORIAL HOSPITAL She walked down the hallway of the pristine hospital. So many times she had walked down this same white floored path. But today was somewhat different. They had found her partner and he was alive. After five months of being considered "MISSING" A.D. Skinner had found him. She pushed open the door to the ICU unit and spotted her partner's room. It was not illuminated by light. Instead it was bathed in total darkness. She pushed back the glass door and entered. He was curled up in a small ball, almost fetal. If it weren't for his long legs he could be fetal. He had his arms wrapped around his middle, careful not to pull out the many wires and tubes. He looked up at the intrusion of the figure in the room but had a problem recognizing the person. She looked familiar but he could not put a name to the face." Who are you and what do you want?" his voice was hoarse and he looked pale and older than she remembered. " Mulder it's me." She answered softly so as not to startle him from his quiet position. " It's Scully." " No. Scully is gone. She died. She quit believing." He paused for a few seconds, "I'm all alone now. Darkness is all that I have to keep me company." His eyes brimmed with tears. " No. Mulder I'm here. I'm Scully." Her voice pleading with his mind for him to accept her presence. He shook his head, "No. Just go away. I don't need your falsehoods or lies. I have accepted the death of my friend. She betrayed me in my darkest hour. She no longer exists. She is no longer in my world." She started crying but he did not look at her or acknowledge her presence. The nurse entered and looked down at the petite woman. "Miss can I have you step outside the room for a few minutes?" she stood and exited the small ICU cubicle. The nurse looked down at her distraught patient, "Sir, can I get you something?" she picked up his hand and held it gently, giving her patient some contact and comfort. He looked so lost and alone. He nodded and looked up at his nurse," Just hold me." Tears streaming down his face. "Please, just hold me." His voice pleading and full of emotion. She sat down on the corner of the bed and took him in her arms and just held him tight. He just needed to be held. TITLE: JUST HOLD ME (PART 2/2) GEORGETOWN MEMORIAL HOSPITAL ICU The nurse calmed her patient down. She took a wash cloth and wiped the tears from his eyes." Hey I know you are not doing well right now but she is pregnant and shouldn't be getting upset like that, it couldn't be good for the baby." She was checking his monitors and charting in the graphics. She did not notice the look of shock on his face. "What baby?" his voice was hoarse from crying. "Scully can't have babies. She was abducted six years ago and they did things that they shouldn't and she can't have a baby." She looked down at her patient and smiled," Well, Mr. Mulder I know a pregnant woman when I see one and Dr. Scully is definitely pregnant." She reached down and adjusted his blanket. He shook his head," I thought she had abandoned me. I've been feeling so sorry for all that I've suffered and all that I've lost that I wasn't considering what others might have gone through when I was gone." He pushed back the blanket and made an attempt to get up but the nurse easily pushed him back down in the bed. " Whoa Mr. Mulder. You are not going anywhere. You are still very ill and very weak. Listen, I will get Dr. Scully. You two need to talk to each other. You need to listen and not make any judgements or allow emotions to rule your thoughts." She tucked the blanket back into place and ruffled his hair." Things will get better, I promise. You just need time to grief for what you have lost and time to heal the wounds that have been open by this experience." The nurse checked the monitors and the fluids and drains once more and walked out to get Scully. Mulder knew that he owed her an apology. What had he been thinking? He had been feeling so sorry for himself and the pain of the tests were too fresh in his mind. But he forgot that others had suffered also. Why had Scully not been with Skinner when he found him or come to the hospital any sooner than tonight? He had felt abandoned and alone. But he should have known that she would have never given up or abandoned him, she was his constant and his touchstone. She was his friend. He almost fell asleep waiting for her return. The weakness was greater than when he had been abducted by the consortium last year but he would sleep later. He needed to tell her that he was sorry and that she was the only reason he had survived the horrible tests and the unrelenting loneliness. He had lost so much but he was happy that Scully had found some happiness. She deserved better than what he had given her in their past seven years together. She should be happy. Scully was going to have a baby. The door opened to the darkened room and the shadow of a woman approached. " Mulder, is it okay if I visit for a few minutes?" she approached carefully not wanting to upset him again. She was feeling a lot of guilt for not being the one who came for him in Colorado. Skinner was the only person she would trust to bring him home. But something had changed and she knew that she would have to give it time. She had put his nameplate away in the drawer. She had hoped that if she didn't have to be reminded daily of what she had lost that the pain would be easier to bare but it wasn't,it had been worse. She sat down in the hard chair beside his bed and stared down at the broken hearted man. The silence of the room was broken by a low, gravely voice "Sorry Scully. I was angry." He paused for a second and he reached out his hand to search for hers and it quickly came to find the empty space. It felt nice, the human touch, his Scully's touch." I can't explain what I'm feeling right now because to be honest I don't know if I can feel anymore. They did things to me Scully. Things I can't even mention out loud. I took my anger out on you and that was wrong. I really don't deserve you." He paused again and wiped the tears from his eyes with his free arm. " I really am sorry Scully." His eyes still could not meet hers and he looked down at the worn blanket. She reached over with her free hand and helped him wipe away the tears that were streaming down his face," I'm sorry too Mulder. I can't even imagine the pain or the range of emotions you've felt since your abduction. But the one thing I know for sure Mulder is that I am so happy you are back home and I've missed you." He shook his head," I don't deserve you Scully. I really don't." He turned his head and finally looked into her deep blue eyes and saw all the forgiveness and love she was offering. He smiled and looked down at her distended abdomen," How?" he asked, again his voice low and soft., "I can't explain it Mulder. The IVF had failed so many times but that night at your apartment must have been the night of conception. I guess popcorn and old movies, especially ones about ground hogs who steal golf balls are the right combination for making babies." She pushed herself closer to his bed," our baby Mulder. Our little baby boy." Qqqqqqqq1wwwwwwww2eeeeeeee3rrrrrrrr4tttttttt5yyyyyyy6uuuuuuu7uuu " A baby. Our baby. A boy?" He closed his eyes to stop the sob that was trying to escape his throat. " I love you Scully." He opened his eyes again and squeezed her hand gently. " I love you too Mulder." She was quiet for a few seconds then her voice spoke so softly that Mulder had to strain his ears to hear her," And Mulder, don't you ever leave me again." He smiled up at his pregnant partner, "They will have to take me dragging and screaming. I promise." She reached down and their lips found each other, at first it was a desperate, longing kiss then it became gentle and loving. When they parted she patted him gently on his arm and looked towards the door," I better go now before I start setting off alarms. The nurse will come and run me out and I don't want to get on her bad side." She stood to leave and turned once more turned to Mulder, "Mulder, can I ask you a favor?" "Sure. What's wrong Scully?" his eyes were starting to droop, he was so tired. " Just hold me for a minute. I just want to know that this is real." Her eyes were now moist with tears and she was awaiting his reply. He motioned her near his bed and pulled her down into a hug and held her tight. The nurse stood at the cubicle door watching and thinking, 'Sometimes you just need a hug.'