From math.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!news.ycc.yale.edu!yale!news-mail-gateway!daemon Mon Jul 15 10:10:35 1996 Article: 21273 of alt.tv.x-files.creative Path: math.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!news.ycc.yale.edu!yale!news-mail-gateway!daemon From: Gil Trevizo Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: KNOWING 1/5 (fwd) Date: 13 Jul 1996 01:54:11 -0400 Organization: Yale CS Mail/News Gateway Lines: 150 Sender: daemon@cs.yale.edu Message-ID: <19960713015354.aaaa005Is@babyblue.cs.yale.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: babyblue.cs.yale.edu Status: RO I DID NOT WRITE THIS - I am the administrator for the x-files-fanfic mailing list and am posting this story for a subscriber. For information on subscribing to the x-files-fanfic mailing list, go to . Please send all comments to the author at . xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Okay, after endless days of mindless, wonderful lurking in the archives, I have finally decided to write my own . . .*a scream sounds in the background*. Actually, this one had been locked away in the depths of my mind, and I decided to put it down on paper. SO, in case you haven't guessed, this is my first story. Disclaimer shtick: Even though I have problems with the intentions of CC, I still would like to thank him for creating this wonderful story, kudos to you, as well as DD and GA for giving me such pleasure on Friday nights. 1013 and FOX . . . you go! ******WARNING***** This is a PHAT relationship story, with tons of angst. (I know you like that) BUT, just in case you don't, leave this one for the relationshippers. (I love you all). This one is dedicated to JILLIAN B, JADAR , and WHISPER X, you guys are great. Oh and DWAYNE, I edited it myself. *smile* Here we go, get comfy, grab some java and some Kleenex while you're at it . . . SweetAlmond ******************************************************************************** Special agent Dana Scully paused at the doorway of the X-files division, located in the basement of the federal building in Washington D.C. She quickly took a look around and stopped to straighten out her perfectly tailored suit and to quickly fix her hair. She knew that she wasn't looking her best that morning, a lack of sleep could do that to a woman, but there was an unmistakable glow to the woman's cheeks as she breezed through the doorway. "Good morning Mulder," she said with her head down, hoping that he would not notice the slight smile on her face or her unkempt personage. Special agent Fox Mulder, slowly turned around in his seat, propping his long legs up on his desk. Without lifting his eyes from the papers he held before him, he grunted a quick hello, pushed his glasses up on his nose, and continued reading. Scully shook her head in exasperation, yet could not help feeling a surge of affection for this man. She remembered that first day that she walked into his cluttered office and saw him for the first time, thinking that he looked more like a college professor than an FBI agent. Originally, she had been sent to debunk the work of Mulder, but after nearly three years of working with him, his quest had become hers. Scully sat down behind her immaculately kept desk, and tried to concentrate on work, but her thoughts drifted to last night. She felt as if she was in high school again, except this time, interested in men, not boys. His name was Troy, an old colleague of hers from the Academy. Five months ago, the academy had hosted a banquet for the alumni, and at the persistence of her mother, she had decided to attend. Dana Scully had never been the social one of the Scully family and she had felt ill at ease as she had walked into the large room, filled to the brim with the sophisticated classmates that she never met , nor wanted to meet. Dana had tried to do something with her appearance that night, yet she had seemed to pale in comparison next to the tall women who seemed to have a little bit of a smaller waist, or a little bit of a larger chest. Scully chuckled as she remembered thinking that if Mulder had been there that night, he would have been in heaven. So as she sat alone at a table, miserable and stirring her drink, Troy came by, and asked her how she had been, her current employment, and hobbies. One thing had led to another and Scully wound up dancing with him all night, and had given him her number. Now, five months later, she had been having a serious relationship with Troy, and last night . . .. well . . . .she didn't get any sleep. ". . . and these bodies had been found floating near the shore." Scully snapped out of her reverie and looked blankly at Mulder. He looked at her with amusement in his hazel eyes, and cocked his head, as if expecting an answer. "I . . . uh . . ." Scully stammered. Mulder sat back in his chair and watched as Scully, turning red, excused herself and mumbled that she needed to use the restroom. Mulder took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, his continuous absence of sleep taking its toll on him. Even in his fatigue, he noticed the subtle change in his partner everyday. A bouncier step in her walk, or even the slight smile she always seemed to have on her lips recently. Of course, Mulder made sure that she never noticed how he sometimes glanced her way, taking in her beautiful auburn hair or her icy blue eyes.He couldn't help noticing that day how she had zoned out while he was informing her on the recent file. While telling her of the situation, he watched her facial expressions in fascination, noticing how this woman, previously not able to show any emotion, had changed in such a small period of time. Dana Scully always had the utmost aura of professionalism, always refraining from showing any emotion. But, he reminded himself, there was the Pfaster case. The case where Scully had finally cracked and had fallen into his arms. And suddenly, while sifting through his memories, he knew why her recent behavior was so interesting. She was happy. Mulder had seen his partner hurt, angry, and depressed, yet he had never seen her so happy that she was able to show it on her face. Why had he never noticed this before?And with a small twist of his stomach he realized that he was the cause of her constant unhappiness. Ever since Scully had joined him in his quest, she had lost nearly everything. Her sister, three months of her life . . .. Mulder knew about Troy. There wasn't anyone in the building that didn't know about this blond haired blue eyed angel that melted the exterior of Dana Scully. The first time Mulder had met Troy, he had desperately tried to hate him, to find some reason why he wasn't perfect for Scully. But Troy WAS supposedly the man of Scully's dreams, and Mulder decided that he had to respect that. But it hurt. And he didn't know why. *************************************************** Dana Scully turned on the sink in the restroom , and quickly wiped down her flushed face. She groaned in embarrassment as she realized that Mulder had seen her in a state of euphoria, and of unprofessionalism. She had completely ignored him while he had been briefing her on this case, and that had never happened before in their partnership. As she went into the nearest stall, the door to the restroom opened and two agents that she vaguely remembered from the violent crimes section walked in. They paused at the counter to fix themselves, continuing on with a conversation that had begun earlier. " Well, I don't know, he just seems to weird to me. Always running off and leaving the Ice Queen to worry about him . . . ." Scully let out a small gasp and was about to walk out and give these agents a piece of her mind, when she decided to wait awhile and see what else they said. "Diane . . .who cares about what Scully does. Have you really looked at him? My god, he is adorable. The way that his hair is always sticking up and that sexy voice? Nearly half of the department is after him. Scully must be blind to let that one go." "Yeah, but Kate, she is seeing that Troy fellow isn't she? I would say that she did a good job on that one." Scully smiled. "That may be true Diane, but anyone could see that she is only after Troy so that she will have a companion. She IS getting old, and at that age, you have to take what you can get." "Well, if she let Mulder go, she definitely knows that she doesn't stand a chance." Laughing, they left the restroom. Scully's smile faded as she sat down on the seat in a state of complete shock. Oh sure, she knew about the rumors going on about her and Mulder, but this? Did people believe that she was seeing Troy because she could not have Mulder? Mulder and Scully always kept their relationship professional, and they had always abided by it.But, she reminded herself, you really did have to be blind if you didn't notice the attractiveness of Fox Mulder. The first time she saw him, she was taken by his lithe body and angular face. But the thing that caught her eyes first were his grey-hazel eyes. So expressive. So vulnerable, yet so strong. Sometimes, when she looked into them, she felt as if she was drowning . . . .stop it! Scully mentally shook herself and cautiously left the stall, warily looking around, and looked at herself in the mirror. She decided that she was satisfied with what she saw. Bright auburn hair, and sparkling blue eyes. . . .eyes . . . Mulder's eyes. Scully rubbed her eyes and tried to fill her head with thoughts of Troy. But as she walked out, she wasn't sure if she succeeded. end of part 1 From math.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!news.ycc.yale.edu!yale!news-mail-gateway!daemon Mon Jul 15 10:10:35 1996 Article: 21271 of alt.tv.x-files.creative Path: math.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!news.ycc.yale.edu!yale!news-mail-gateway!daemon From: Gil Trevizo Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: KNOWING 2/5 (fwd) Date: 13 Jul 1996 01:54:00 -0400 Organization: Yale CS Mail/News Gateway Lines: 177 Sender: daemon@cs.yale.edu Message-ID: <19960713015354.aaaa005It@babyblue.cs.yale.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: babyblue.cs.yale.edu Status: RO I DID NOT WRITE THIS - I am the administrator for the x-files-fanfic mailing list and am posting this story for a subscriber. For information on subscribing to the x-files-fanfic mailing list, go to . Please send all comments to the author at . xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx When Scully returned to the office, she found Mulder in the same exact position that she left him, legs propped up on the desk, and a thoughtful look on his face. She glanced at him furtively and returned to her desk, ready to work. "Mulder, this case is . . . " "Scully, are you happy?" Mulder interrupted. Scully looked up at him, with a surprised look on her face. "What do you mean?" "Are you happy here?" Scully looked at him thoughtfully. "I don't really know. Ever since I have joined you, we have become partners, best friends . . . and I have seen more than I would have ever believed." "You still haven't answered the question." Scully paused. "I don't know. Why are you asking me this?This has no relevancy to the case." Mulder sighed and slowly got up and looked out the window. "Scully, ever since you have become my partner, you have lost nearly everything . . . three months of your life . . . your sister . . . ". Scully's eyes welled up with unused tears as she interrupted. "Mulder, I have told you over and over again that none of this has been your fault -" "It IS my fault" Mulder stated sharply, his hazel eyes flashing. "You came to the X-files, expected to debunk these files . . .me . . . and yet you lost everything. I'm asking you, is it worth it?" Scully lowered her head to wipe the quiet tears that had fallen and spoke, "Mulder, this quest . . .your quest is now mine too. All I want to do is find the truth, to find your sister . . .and I know the consequences. Mulder . .this . . . us. . . has been the most important thing to me for the past three years and-" "I want you to transfer." Mulder said quietly. "What?" Scully asked, hoping that he had not said what she thought she heard. "Scully, I want you to transfer. Get out while you can. You mean too much to me for me to let you continue this . . ." Mulder stated. "Mulder, look at me."' Mulder turned around and kept his head lowered. "Look at me dammit." Mulder lifted his head and caught Scully's eyes. Scully's stomach clenched as she saw his eyes that had long since filled with tears. Even being across the room, she could feel the sadness and solitude that Mulder had felt most of his life. "Mulder, I am not leaving you. Who is going to save your butt whenever something goes wrong?" Scully smiled softly. "Mulder, the X-Files are my life and I am not going to let it go just because . . " "I gave the request yesterday to Skinner for your transfer." Scully stopped mid sentence and could not prevent the surge of anger that swept through her body. "You did what?" she whispered fiercely. "I'm sorry." Scully looked at him with her eyes flashing, turning from a calm blue to an angry violet. "Fine. If that's what you want." "No it's not what I want but-" "Cut the crap Mulder. Now I can see what this is really all about. >From the beginning, people told me that I was just replacing your sister, and that you would never trust anyone-" "That's not true Scully and you know it." Scully just ignored him. " I can see now that I never meant anything to you. I have saved your butt over a thousand times, nearly died when I thought that you had been killed, and lost a lot more than I should have, but I stood right beside you." Mulder wearily held up his hand. "Scully, that's just it. You have Troy now. That's all you need." Scully flinched and stepped back, a hand flying to her mouth. Her lower lip trembled and she flew out of the office. ********************************************** Mulder sighed and put his head down on his trembling hands. He had done it. He had finally done it. For a while he had been thinking about asking Scully to transfer because he knew that he could never hurt her. For the past year, he had seen the look in her eyes, that look that had been in his eyes when he had started the X-Files. The look of determination and stubbornness, the look that could cause people to ruin their lives. And it scared Mulder. He had already ruined his chances of having a normal life, chasing after the abnormal. But Scully . . . .she still had a chance. And even though it hurt, painfully so, Mulder knew that she belonged with Troy. ************************************************ Scully ran out of the federal building and angrily threw open the door of her car, slamming it after she got in. "Damn him," she muttered as she floored the engine. On the way to the apartment, Scully's anger faded and logic seeped in. Mulder was giving her a chance. A chance to have a normal life and to do the things that she was meant to do. Ever since she had started working with Mulder, her social life had ceased to exist. Mulder was her life, she mused, as she parked in front of her apartment. But didn't she love Troy? Didn't she want to stop the pain and to live the life she was supposed to live? Scully didn't know. And as opened the door of the apartment, she still hadn't found the answer. The X-files were her reason to continue to work, and the search for Samantha had cured her need to have some fulfillment in her life. And Mulder . . . Scully forced the thought of him out of her head. If Mulder wanted her out of the X-Files, fine. She had her pride. But as the first tears fell, she knew that it wasn't going to be that easy. She tiredly walked across the apartment to the kitchen, suddenly wishing that Queequag were still alive to greet her. Scully quickly prepared a cup of tea, pondering over what she should do. Sipping her tea, she went into her bedroom, trying to force out the thoughts of Mulder. But why when she looked for the face of her blond haired blue-eyed boyfriend, all that she could see were the hazel eyes and slight smile of her partner? Scully opened up the drawer to her dresser and pulled out "Mulder's clothes". Mulder often slept over, after many exhausting cases when he couldn't make it home. But now these garments were her comfort, her need. She softly pulled the sweatpants over her hips, not caring that they hung off her like a father's over his young daughters. And as the soft jersey pulled over her head, she stopped suddenly. The smell. Him. Of spicy cologne and that unique maleness that she knew only Mulder could posses. She slowly slumped onto the bed and let the tears fall. ****************************************************************** The Next Day Federal Building, D.C. Mulder anxiously paced about the desk of AD Skinner, awaiting the arrival of his soon to be former partner. He had dreaded this day from the moment that he had requested Skinner for her request. Would she accept it without argument? Would she fight it till the end? But most of all, Mulder was dreading seeing the look on her face. Dana Scully always kept her face clean of any emotion, and Mulder hoped that it would stay that way, to save his erratically beating heart from breaking. "Agent Mulder, please sit down." Mulder sat with a sigh, and nervously tapped his fingers together. "Agent Mulder, before we go through with this, I have thought endlessly about this, and I advise for you to let Scully finish this case before she is transferred back to Quantico." Mulder nodded, his eyes still on the door. "I realize that this must be hard for you, Agent Mulder, but I must remind you that-" "You have no idea how hard this is,sir. Don't you realize that-" Mulder's rant was interrupted by a turn of the doorknob, and Agent Scully strode in, as confident as always. She greeted AD Skinner with respect and did the same for Mulder, but with her back turned to him. She sat in her customary seat next to Mulder and waited for Skinner to begin. "Agent Scully, I have given this a lot of thought and-" Scully tuned out and turned her gaze on Mulder. Mulder's heart broke as he noticed that the same Dana Scully was physically there, but that hidden feeling behind her eyes was gone. They sat there, pinning each other with their eyes, with Mulder desperately trying to find some familiarity in the blue circles, but he found none. "-and I am requesting you to finish up the present case before your transfer. " Scully broke the stare and glanced at Skinner. She answered in voice barely above a whisper, "That's fine, sir." She then got up and left the room before they could see her tears fall. Mulder quickly got up and left the room, running after her and calling her name. "Scully!" Scully continued to walk rapidly down the hall, ignoring the glances and whispers that were thrown her way. She reached the elevator and pushed the button, praying that for once, God would listen to her and send the elevator soon. As soon as it did, she rushed into it, desperately pushing the "Close Door" button. And as the doors began to close, a long arm reached in and opened them up. Mulder. "Mulder, don't say anything . . .. " "Like hell I won't ." He stepped into the elevator and pinned her with his eyes, "Scully I-" "Don't Mulder, don't you dare." Scully finally looked at him through blurry eyes. "Mulder . . it's over." Mulder then realized that she was building a wall between them, a wall that he had set the foundation for. "Scully. . ." "Mulder, I'll meet you at the docks tomorrow, and we'll finish up the case. Skinner informed me earlier that the boat leaves at 10 am for the island." She was all business again. "Scully, don't be like this," Mulder pleaded with her. "Mulder, I now know that you requested the transfer for both of our sakes. Let's just drop it at that." And the doors opened and she quickly left, leaving the faint scent of strawberries to play with his nose. Mulder slowly walked out of the elevator and leaned against the wall, sliding down until he was able to put his head on his arms and shut the pain out. end of part 2 From math.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!news.ycc.yale.edu!yale!news-mail-gateway!daemon Mon Jul 15 10:10:35 1996 Article: 21272 of alt.tv.x-files.creative Path: math.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!news.ycc.yale.edu!yale!news-mail-gateway!daemon From: Gil Trevizo Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: KNOWING 3/5 (fwd) Date: 13 Jul 1996 01:54:01 -0400 Organization: Yale CS Mail/News Gateway Lines: 177 Sender: daemon@cs.yale.edu Message-ID: <19960713015355.aaaa005Iy@babyblue.cs.yale.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: babyblue.cs.yale.edu Status: RO I DID NOT WRITE THIS - I am the administrator for the x-files-fanfic mailing list and am posting this story for a subscriber. For information on subscribing to the x-files-fanfic mailing list, go to . Please send all comments to the author at . xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ***************************** Next Day Docks out somewhere, someplace. "Morning Mulder," "Morning Scully." It was just like all of the other cases except this time, they knew that this would be their last case. Well actually Scully's last case. And Mulder's last case without a partner. Every night since their confrontation, Mulder questioned his decision, asking himself if it was really what he wanted. And every time that he did so, he came to the same conclusion. Scully deserved happiness . . .even if it meant that she would take his away from him. Mulder took a long look at Scully, trying to keep her face a permanent fixture in his mind. Her auburn hair . . .the aristocratic structure of her face. . . her smooth coral lips. Everything he wanted to remember. "Scully-" "Mulder. "she interrupted without looking at him, "we'll get on the boat and we'll see. All right? We'll see." Confused, Mulder stared at Scully, trying to find a hint of a smile, a faint raise of an eyebrow, but all he saw was the strong facade that was Dana Scully. He sighed and turned his head away as the boat approached. Scully could feel his pain, guilt, and solitude. And how she wanted to pull him into his arms and tell him that she would never leave him, no matter what he said. She also hadn't told him that she had broken up with Troy the night before. When Troy came to her door last night, and she realized that she had been hoping that it had been Mulder, she admitted to herself that she did not love Troy. She loved . . . .she forced the thought out of her head as she looked deeply at Mulder, who in turn was watching the ship approach. She studied him thoughtfully, taking in his lean jaw, firm mouth and captivating eyes. She allowed herself a little smile as she glanced up at his hair, always so perfectly groomed except for that one little lock that refused to stay down. And she found herself getting angry. It doesn't have to be like this, she told herself. I can go to Skinner and refuse it . . . .but then she stopped. It was what Mulder wanted. She had to respect his wishes. ********************************** The storm had come unexpectedly. About two hours after leaving the shore, the skies had suddenly filled with dark ominous clouds, causing worry among the three passengers on the small seedy boat. "Agents . . . .this don't look to good! " The captain yelled over the blowing winds that carried with them stinging pellets of rain. Mulder and Scully had long since joined the captain on deck, trying to help out as best as they could. " What-" Mulder broke his sentence as the boat went over a huge swell, and brought along with it a large dose of salty sea-water. Mulder coughed and gagged, trying to finish his sentence. " What . .can I do to . . . to help?" he shouted. No answer. Mulder desperately looked around, looking for the captain, wiping the water out of his hair. As the storm raged on, he tore his eyes away and caught sight of the wheel spinning freely without any signs of control. "Mulder!" He heard Scully yell feebly. He carefully stepped over to where she was, looking like a drowned animal, staring into the churning waters. There he saw the floating body of the captain face down, floating further and further away as the storm continued. "He's dead Mulder," she said unnecessarily. Mulder grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to look into his eyes. "Okay Scully, we're on our own. I need your help." Scully nodded and then her eyes widened as she noticed the wheel spinning wildly. "Mulder . . .get the wheel!" He gave himself a mental shake slowly ran over to the wheel, the stinging rain hurting his tired body. He grabbed it, and with a mighty tug, settled the boat. Despairingly, he realized that he had no idea where they were. Then an idea popped into his head. "Scully!!!" " Yeah?" she cried in a trembling voice, trying desperately to stay on her feet and to control her chattering teeth. "Listen to me. I want you to go into the cabin and find the radio. Send out a distress signal and try to find out how close we are to any land." " Okay,"she said shakily. A few minutes later she came back with a shout of triumph. "Mulder, I got through and we are in luck! The nearest shore is only about seven miles away . . .they will be there to meet us . .. .oh !" Mulder's blood ran cold as he heard her shriek and then nothing else. Keeping one hand on the wheel, he turned around and frantically looked for Scully. O god, o god, he said in his mind. Please let her be all right, god. Mulder opened his eyes wide, ignoring the sting from the rain and then he saw her. Only a few feet away from him. Unconscious with a purple bruise on her head. "Scully!" he shouted. Mulder quickly said a silent prayer, asking god for forgiveness and asking him to let them reach land in time for him to save her. But the storm raged on. "Scully can you hear me, dammit?!" Mulder cried, his tears mixing with the rain, as he alternately looked ahead for the shore, and back at Scully. "Oh god Scully . . ." he whimpered. And his prayers were answered. As soon as he felt the boat brush up to the sand he quietly gave thanks to whatever being was watching over him, and ran over to Scully. She had been unconscious now for about three minutes, he guessed. He realized that he didn't have much time and scooped Scully up into his arms, and ran to the shore, not bothering to anchor up the boat. God, she was like a rag doll. Mulder kept on repeating her name as he laid her onto the coarse sand. He checked for a pulse and cried out in frustration as he found none. He gently opened her mouth and began CPR. He tried to keep his concentration as he performed the procedure, but he could not help noticing how her lips fit perfectly to his. " Dammit Scully, come on!" He tried again and again, his efforts reducing him to tears as he shouted out her name. "Scully . . .don't . . ." he gasped as he paused to take a breath and lowered his mouth once again to hers. "Don't leave me Scully . . . .oh God . . ." Mulder choked out as he pushed again and again on her heart. Still no pulse. " Dana . . .please . . .please . . . I need you . . ." he cried once more as his mouth met hers once again. Scully knew precisely the moment when she regained consciousness. But that was not the only thing she noticed. She woke to the most glorious sensation in the world: Mulders lips. On hers. Mulder felt it. A slight movement under his mouth as he continued the procedure. Then he felt her lips responding to the slight pressure he placed on them. He opened his tear filled eyes and moved away quickly, wiping his face of the excess moisture. She opened her eyes. Blue. A beautiful icy blue. Had he ever noticed how beautiful her eyes were? He took the time to study the rest of her face, her swollen lips now red from his mouth on hers, and her beautiful ivory skin. He knew know something that he hadn't before. . . .he loved Dana Scully. The first thing Scully remembered when she opened her eyes was the look in Mulder's eyes as she took her first breath. She saw so much in that sea of hazel that she was unable to describe it. She watched as Mulder moved uncomfortably away from her and she couldn't help wanting to groan. She wanted to feel Mulder's lips once more. And with that she realized something . . . Fox Mulder was the man that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Mulder gently lifted Scully to a sitting position, facing her. He kept a watchful eye on her as she took labored breaths, her eyes never once leaving his. Mulder vaguely heard the sound of sirens in the background but the only thing that he could see was the look in Dana Scully's eyes. Scully watched as Mulder took her hand and put his head down on it. She felt the warm tears slide beneath her fingers and felt Mulder's pain. Not only the pain of almost losing her, but the pain of the solitude and loneliness that he faced everyday in his life. As Mulder wept softly, she put her other hand up to her mouth, feeling her lips, wondering if they looked any different. Oh God . . .the feel of Mulder's lips on hers made her want to die right there and remember that as her last memory. They were warm and firm. She wanted to feel them again. But she wanted more. So much more . . . . "Fox. . . " she whispered hoarsely. Mulder lifted up his eyes to hers, and put his hand to rest on her cheek. Did she remember the feel of his lips? He sure as hell remembered hers. Cold yet warm, firm yet soft, complex as was Scully. And he knew that at this moment, if he died, he would be happy. Mulder was the first to speak. "Scully I-" "Agents Mulder and Scully!" The shout rang out and both agents turned away guiltily from each other, staring at the paramedic and the slew of police cars and ambulances. The red and blue lights made a blunt interruption to the peaceful surroundings. Mulder looked at Scully and gave her one of those rare smiles that she cherished. Mulder opened his mouth but before he could say another word, Scully was whisked away. And that was the last that he ever saw of her. end part 3 From math.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!news.ycc.yale.edu!yale!news-mail-gateway!daemon Mon Jul 15 10:10:35 1996 Article: 21274 of alt.tv.x-files.creative Path: math.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!news.ycc.yale.edu!yale!news-mail-gateway!daemon From: Gil Trevizo Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: KNOWING 4/5 (fwd) Date: 13 Jul 1996 01:54:28 -0400 Organization: Yale CS Mail/News Gateway Lines: 210 Sender: daemon@cs.yale.edu Message-ID: <19960713015426.aaaa005J9@babyblue.cs.yale.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: babyblue.cs.yale.edu Status: RO I DID NOT WRITE THIS - I am the administrator for the x-files-fanfic mailing list and am posting this story for a subscriber. For information on subscribing to the x-files-fanfic mailing list, go to . Please send all comments to the author at . xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx *************************************** Washington D.C. Two Years Later Agent Fox Mulder was studying a file at his crammed desk, downstairs in the basement of the Federal Building. Yawning and stretching his arms above his head, he glanced at the clock on the opposite wall. 11:30 pm. Mulder shuffled his papers around and turned in his chair, allowing himself to once again take a few minutes of a break. And for the past two years, he had found himself thinking of the same thing every day. Scully. Oh, how he tried to forget her. Forget how much she meant to him. Forget that fateful afternoon where he had finally been able to touch Dana Scully in the way he always had wanted to. Scully . . .was his reason to live , it seemed like. After the last day that he had seen Scully, he had called her endlessly, trying to reach her at her apartment, at her mother's home, on her cellular. But he never received an answer. He even went so far as to find out information about her current residence in Quantico. Needless to say, he never got that information. The months passed by, as did the years, and Mulder slowly filled the gaping hole in his heart by plunging into his work. Even at Skinner's request, Mulder never took on another partner. So, in his office, Scully's things were still there, kind of like a memorial to him. Once in a while, he allowed himself the pleasure to sit in her chair, to get closer to the soul that he had never gotten close to. Mulder came to reality with his feelings. He missed her. So much that he felt as if there was nothing to live for except for finding the truth. It was not as if he hadn't tried to forget her. He could not count all of the women that he had seen. But every time he was with them, he started finding things about them that were different fromScully. Every woman he would see, he would compare them to Scully, and then look for something that would make him not like them. It always worked. Scully was like the epitome of women to him. And she was all that he wanted . There was a knock at the door, snapping Mulder out of his reverie. "Come in." The door slowly opened and AD Skinner's secretary strode in. " Agent Mulder, I have a message for you, " said the receptionist, "AD Skinner has requested your attendance at the annual FBI banquet. He has informed me to tell you that you are required to come. A formal invitation will be in your mailbox." With that, she left. Mulder groaned and put his head in his hands. He hated parties. He always seemed to be the center of everyone's conversation. Last year, he had just chosen not to go. But this year . . .Mulder sighed and got ready to go, already forming in his mind which one of his ties would look best with his suit. Little did he know that an identical invitation was sitting on the desk of Dana Katherine Scully, nearly 200 miles away. *********************** Dana Scully ran around her apartment, looking for her earrings. She hated parties. Obviously people noticed because she got invited to so few. But when she had saw that invitation to the FBI banquet, requesting her attendance, she had been confused. She was no longer in the FBI, and no longer had any association with it's members. Not even Mulder. Scully sighed and flopped onto the couch, not caring if her long green velvet dress got wrinkled. She finally admitted to herself that in the two years without him, she came to learn that she missed him. Not the type of missing that makes a person want to smile and remember the memories, but the type of missing that caused an ache in your stomach every single day. The kind that sometimes had you crying in your sleep. Still searching for her earrings, Scully asked herself if she had done the right thing, ignoring the communication efforts made by Mulder. Everyday when the phone rang, her heart would leap into her throat, making her wonder . . maybe. . . .maybe that was him. But she knew that she had made the correct decision. Changing the number on her cellular and keeping her name unlisted were only the beginnings of her efforts. She had requested the head of the Quantico Administration to withdraw any information about her to be given out to anyone who asked for it. Mainly, Mulder. But everyday since that fateful day on the shore, she found herself looking at the mirror, at her face, for something different. As she thought, she walked over and took a long look. Eyes still as blue as ever, and hair that was as red as fire. Red . . . Scully's hand went to her mouth tears welled up as she realized that Mulder had never seen the color red . . .never seen the true color of her hair. She glanced down at her dress . . . green. Had he ever seen the how green the grass could get? Had he ever seen himself when he got angry and little flecks of green emerged into his eyes. Scully shook the thoughts out of her head . . . .no. This wasn't the time to think of Mulder. Scully stood up quickly. No . . . she had done this, and she was going to stick with it. She wanted to forget her relationship with Fox Mulder, the pain, and the knowledge that he didn't want her. Yes, she decided. It was all for the best. The doorbell rang. Scully sighed and got up, making sure that the few face framing curls were in place and opened up the door. On her doorstep stood one of her old friends, holding out a single red rose. Touched, she took it and inhaled it's sweet fragrance. "Thank you Allen, " she murmured. Allen smiled at the stunning redhead, taking her hesitation as happiness. "Shall we go?" Scully nodded meekly and headed out the door, her arm linked with Allen's. *********************************************** The grand ballroom sparkled with glitter and lights, and Mulder nearly had to shield his eyes as the lights danced off of sequined dresses and glasses. A low hum of chatter greeted him as he walked through the door. And on his arm was his date for the night, a brunette named Cayla. A beautiful woman is on my arm, Mulder thought, and all I want to do is go home. " Come on Fox, dear, let's mingle." Mulder inwardly groaned at the use of his first name and walked behind her as she swept her way through the room, charming her way into every ones hearts. Was it just him, Mulder thought, or did the conversation die down a little bit as he came near? Oh, he had heard all of the "Spooky" jokes in the book, but he didn't know that the whole Federal Bureau knew about him. He couldn't take it anymore, and it had only been about twenty minutes. "Please excuse me for a moment Cayla, " he muttered and walked quickly to the door, amidst the snickers and whispers of the onlookers. Outside in the garden, Mulder sighed and slumped wearily onto a bench. He leaned back against the wall and let the slight breeze cool his flushed face. Normally, the comments about being "spooky" didn't bother him, only amused him. But for some reason, tonight they hurt. Mulder closed his eyes and tried to shut out the conversation and laughter from the inside. Scully walked into the room and gasped in awe. It was absolutely beautiful, an oasis from the cold parched city outside. "Nice huh?" Allen whispered in her ear, trying to get a reaction. It didn't work. Scully merely nodded and took in the surroundings, her FBI training kicking in. Sometimes it bothered her that she could never just go into a situation and feel secure without analyzing everything in her surroundings. But tonight, she was glad for it, because she was intrigued by the interior of the room. It seemed as if a hundred round tables had been strategically placed around the room to give it a casual, but organized appearance. In the center was a large dance floor, reflecting the soft yellow light that blazed throughout the room. Off in the corner, there was a small bar, where already several agents were placing their orders. And in the other corner was a small band, only about five or six members present, playing a soft tune. Scully smiled grabbed Allen's arm, feeling more social. "Let's wander," she said, much to the delight of her date. Scully walked slowly, taking in the scenery. Men stood around laughing and joking, in crisp tuxedos and jovial spirits. And the women . . . Scully's eyes widened as she realized that she dreadfully paled next to these tall beings. Sequins and jewels were everywhere, along with strong scents and delicate but definitely present make-up. Scully had always preferred no scent except for that of her shampoo, and hardly wore any make-up. Tonight she had made an effort, but sadly she realized that she didn't try hard enough. " . . hungry?" Scully gave a small start and responded , " Yeah, sure. I'll be back in a minute though, okay? I need to use the restroom." Allen nodded. " I'll save you a seat." Scully's mouth quirked upward as she remembered how that was the key phrase used in high-school cafeterias and buses all around the nation. She chuckled and then slapped her head with the heel of her palm, remembering that she had left her compact in her car. She grabbed her purse and weeded her way through the now crowded room, looking down into it's depths looking for her keys. " Excuse me . . .sorry . . " she muttered as she tried to make it as quickly as possible out of there, not wanting to cause too much of a commotion. As she reached the doorway of the room, her head still down, she felt herself bump into someone tall. She heard a muttered "Sorry, " and she looked up. No one was there. She shrugged and continued. " Dammit, where are those keys-" she stopped in mid sentence. That aroma. Scully stopped in the doorway and turned around her head still down. She sniffed. That smell was so familiar . . .that cologne . . . .Scully dared to look up . . . .and she found herself locking eyes with Fox Mulder from across the room. Mulder had strode into the room, his eyes dead ahead, ready to tell Cayla that he wanted to go home. This party was the worst of all of them that he had attended and he wanted to leave now. As he entered in, his eyes widened as he saw the crowd of people that had accumulated while he was gone. He glanced around, fumbling his way around the mass of bodies, looking for Cayla. He vaguely remembered something small bumping into him with force, but he thought nothing of it . . .until he took time to stop. That scent. Mulder paused, now halfway across the room and sniffed the air as inconspiciously as he was able to. Strawberries and something else . . .he decided. Something so familiar. The scent went through his body and revitalized him. Why was that smell so familiar to him . . . .he stopped. And dared to look up. . . and found himself staring into the shocked eyes of Dana Katherine Scully from across the room. Mulder felt as if the whole room had disappeared and the only people there were him and Scully. Breaking her gaze, he gave himself the pleasure of looking at her. .. .really looking at her. Mulder exhaled sharply, realizing that he had been holding his breath. She looked so damned good to him right then and there that he just wanted to freeze the moment. Standing there in her green velvet dress, Mulder thought that she must have been an angel. Her hair was longer, and swept up onto her head in a pile of soft curls, some coming loose and framing her face. . . her face . . .so beautiful. Her eyes as blue has he remembered, and her lips bright red against the pale ivory skin. Mulder brought his eyes back up to hers. He was astonished to see that they were shining with tears. And before he could do anything, Scully gave out a small cry and fled out of the room. end of part 4 From math.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!news.ycc.yale.edu!yale!news-mail-gateway!daemon Mon Jul 15 10:10:35 1996 Article: 21275 of alt.tv.x-files.creative Path: math.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!news.ycc.yale.edu!yale!news-mail-gateway!daemon From: Gil Trevizo Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: KNOWING 5/5 (fwd) Date: 13 Jul 1996 01:55:06 -0400 Organization: Yale CS Mail/News Gateway Lines: 169 Sender: daemon@cs.yale.edu Message-ID: <19960713015503.aaaa005JG@babyblue.cs.yale.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: babyblue.cs.yale.edu Status: RO I DID NOT WRITE THIS - I am the administrator for the x-files-fanfic mailing list and am posting this story for a subscriber. For information on subscribing to the x-files-fanfic mailing list, go to . Please send all comments to the author at . xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx No, no, no, no this cannot be happening , Scully told herself angrily as she ran out of the room, ignoring the whispers of the people watching. Frustrated, she wiped her face of the stray tears that had fallen, cursing herself for becoming so emotional. How could you not have expected him to be there, she reprimanded herself. He WAS still in the FBI, and you were only there because of Allen. Scully gasped as she heard her named being shouted behind her, and she walked faster, desperately searching for those keys that seemed to have been the cause of this horrifying situation. "Scully . .. wait . . .!" Scully ignored the call and made a beeline for her car. She wished that she had parked her car closer. Suddenly her despair turned into anger. How dare he show up there and expect her to be the same? And how dare he show up looking so good? Scully's tears fell faster as she remembered how good he looked in a tuxedo. Even across the room , she could feel his attractiveness as well as fell it. Everything . . . he had kept the same. His eyes, so intense, were then looking at her with something hidden behind them that she could not define. And they were so beautiful, so hazel . . .HE was beautiful, she admitted to herself. And that was the reason why she wanted to forget him. He had this effect on her that no one else had on her, and she hated being out of control. Scully finally reached the door of her car, and choking back a sob drove her hand into her purse, spilling out some of its contents in the process. " Come on, come on " she muttered. There! Scully pulled them out and fumbling with the various keys, trying to steady her hand and to fit the key into the lock. "SCULLY!"yelled the voice . . .to near for her comfort. She drove the key into the lock and pulled the door open. But before she could get in, a strong arm thrust itself between her and the door and shut it. " Scully . . . " Mulder whispered. Scully bit back a cry of anguish as she realized that she had been waiting two long years to hear him say her name. She slowly turned around and tried her best to be businesslike. "Agent Mulder . . ." Mulder stepped back as if he had been slapped. Scully finally took a good look at him. Surprised, she noticed that it had begun to rain, and she and Mulder were soaked. Mulder's hair was plastered to his head as he looked at her with a look of pained disbelief and then anger. " So it's like that now." Scully felt her stomach lurch as she saw the contorted look of pain on Mulder's face. In all of her years working with him, she had never seen that look on his face. Mulder shuffled in the puddle that had gathered around him and looked down at the ground. Scully cleared her throat and wiped her eyes quickly, trying to get rid of any evidence that she had been crying. " So Mulder . . . how have you been?" Mulder gave out a harsh laugh and looked at her. Scully felt as if he was looking into her soul. " Do you really want to know?" Scully was silent. " I didn't think so. Well let me tell you anyway. Does the word hell mean any thing to you!? I sat . . .alone . . .for two long and hard years, trying to contact you, wondering if you were all right or if you had died-" "Mulder-" "Let me finish dammit!" he shouted," I tried to find you, but nobody would tell me, not even your mother. . . . and then here, two years later I find you on the arm of some rookie, not even bothering to say hello. . . .". he stopped, drained of energy. " I cannot believe you," Scully said in a low voice. Mulder looked down once again at the ground. " Two years ago, I come into the office, only to find you in this weird mood, asking me if I was happy, and then you come up with this crap about how you wanted me to transfer. And then, when I did what you asked, you come up and try to lay this guilt trip on me Mulder, and it's not working." "Scully-" " And then, " she ignored him, " you get angry at me for having a date. What about you ? You had that beautiful woman with you, and all you can say is that I have some nerve walking in with some rookie! I'll tell you something Mulder, you have some nerve coming here and expecting me to greet you with open arms . . ." and then she stopped, noticing that she had started crying again. " M-Mulder?" she asked shakily, noticing that he had not looked up at her. Mulder kept his eyes on the ground, not leaving the object that held his gaze. He looked at her with sorrowful eyes and bet down, gracefully, to pick up the object that held him so captive. With two fingers, he held the small piece of paper, and with his other hand, used his jacket to wipe off the water that had collected on it. Scully sniffed as she looked at the object curiously. He looked at it lingeringly and his mouth gave the tiniest hint of a smile. He then held it out to her. Her eyes never meeting his, she took the paper and turned it over. Thinking that she had cried herself out, she was surprised that more tears continued to fall. The picture had been taken about three years ago, at a bureau Christmas party. Mulder and Scully had been seated at the same table and had been in an animated conversation, when the photographer decided to snap a candid. The picture had developed beautifully, capturing the frustrated look on Scully's face and the look of amusement on Mulder's that was so typical of their former partnership. Scully's hand trembled as she had remembered paying the photographer a small sum for the photo, that sum now seeming too small. Too small to be worth that wonderful piece of paper that she had kept all of these years. As she stared at the photo, Mulder watched her, drinking in the sight of her and knowing that this would probably be the last time he would see her. He lightly put his hand on her shoulder and said softly . . . " Goodbye Scully." And he turned to walk away. Scully had felt his hand on her shoulder and at that precise moment she knew that she didn't want him to leave. Scully reached out and grabbed his arm. " Mulder . .. wait . . " she said feebly. Mulder slowly turned around and saw her turn back to her car. His heart sank as she saw her reach her hand to the door. She's leaving , Mulder though, and his heart broke. Quiet tears stung at his eyes as he watched her, the rain and his tears blurring his vision. Scully opened the door to her car and without leaving her eyes from Mulders, she put the photo on the dashboard and reached her hand out again to close the door. They stood there, neither daring to make to first move, only looking at each other with the need they had carried for two years. Scully realized that her tears were still falling. She shook her head softly and walked over to him, with cool measured steps and stood in front of him. "Mulder . . ." That was as far as she got before she cracked and leaned into his arms, needing his warmth, his comfort . . .him. She wept as she felt his strong arms close around her and his head rest on hers. Mulder let his tears fall. For the first time that he could remember, he could not hold his emotion in. Holding Scully in his arms, feeling her warmth, touching her, was his dream. And it was coming true. And they stood there in the rain, embracing each other, holding on for dear life as they let themselves come to the emotions that they had buried for five years. And even as Mulder spoke, they did not let go. "Scully . . ." he whispered hoarsely, " I'm so sorry . . . ." Scully sobbed harder as she brought her arms up around his neck so that she could fit her head in the crook of his neck. She gloried in the feel of his cheek against hers, and she responded in turn . . ." I know." Mulder let out a small chuckle. He lifted his head and lifted hers gently with his hand, letting his fingers move over her eyes, her cheeks, her mouth. He closed his eyes and let himself concentrate on the feel of her skin, of her warmth. Scully, in turn, slowly closed her eyes and raised her hand to touch his face, to trace along his strong jaw, his angular face, his firm lips. And she remembered that day. . . that day so long ago yet so vivid in her mind. The feel of Mulders lips against hers. Somewhere in the middle of their exploration, their mouths met and Mulder shuddered when he felt her lips. It was their first kiss, their first real kiss that left nothing to say in words. Scully's hands trembled as they deepened the kiss, and she brought both of her hands to his face, marveling at the thought that she was kissing Fox Mulder, the man that so many years ago, she had been sent to spy on. When they finally broke apart, she fell into his arms and they stood there just holding each other. Mulder spoke first once again. "Scully . . . I-" Scully smiled and wrapped her arms around him tighter. " I know." Fin. PLEASE, I would LOVE comments on this one, this is my first and I need some encouragement, although flames will be read. *snarl* Mail all comments to: rsidhu@psnw.com Oh, and no comments on how this story is unrealistic, I KNOW that, that's why it's called FICTION. Sweet Almond